Government Will Stay Closed For As Long As It Takes to Eradicate Sluts

Now that the government shutdown is in what feels like it elevendieth week, everything seems too stupid to be real, and here's a perfect example of why: the GOP's continued insistence that the United States government remain in stinky, stale deadlock until liberals agree to allow business owners to bar the sluts who… » 10/15/13 7:20pm 10/15/13 7:20pm

Federal Employees Get Free Vibrators During Government Shutdown

Vibrators.com is offering an Affordable Care Act for your lady parts — they're giving away 200 vibrators a day to federal employees affected by the government shutdown. It's becoming more and more obvious that this is what the sluts wanted all along. » 10/07/13 9:30am 10/07/13 9:30am

Bored Government Employees Posting Craigslist Ads for 'Shutdown Sex'

What do you do when you're a young public sector go-getter who suddenly finds herself bored, homebound, and sans paycheck thanks to the government shutdown? Something cheap, something stress relieving, something easy — why not post an ad to Craigslist's casual encounters section for "shutdown sex"? You certainly wouldn't … » 10/04/13 3:50pm 10/04/13 3:50pm

Kids With Cancer Being Turned Away From Treatment--Thanks, Shutdown!

Conservatives can't seem to be able to get their story straight on the government shutdown — some are claiming it's No Big Deal, while others are wringing their hands and wailing that it's the Obamapocalypse and that soon we'll all be personally bludgeoned to a pulp by bureaucrats wielding death panels. Both groups are … » 10/02/13 4:30pm 10/02/13 4:30pm