I recently married my dream husband. We have incredible chemistry and a shared commitment to each other. When we disagree, we settle our differences by balancing logic and gut feelings. That is, until we came to our disagreement on which laptop I should buy to replace my Mac PowerBook. We are both in the software industry and have strong preferences on which operating system we prefer. I have been a happy Mac user for years. My husband can't stand the Mac, and his only explanation is the image associated with Mac users. Whenever he sees me with my PowerBook, he thinks of the "Get a Mac" commercials where Justin Long, who is a Mac, ridicules John Hodgman, a PC. I agree with him that the commercials are obnoxious, but they have nothing to do with the usability of the Mac. My husband said jokingly that I could get a Mac only over the divorce papers. I don't believe he was joking. It's getting to a point that we cannot discuss this without getting our blood boiling.

Dorothy Parker: "Dream husband?" Dream on.

Lady Idina Sackville: Bolt, my dear! Bolt!

Henry VIII: You are discouretous, Madam. He'd do well to cast you out.

Sir Thomas More: With all due respect, marriage is an Athenic weaving together of families, of two souls with their individual fates and destinies, of time and eternity - everyday life married to the timeless mysteries of the soul.

Marlene Dietrich: Oh, just let him have his way. Men are such tiresome children. You can always have your Mac on the side.

Jack Kerouac: Fuck monogamy.

Joseph Smith: Now, now, your husband knows best. Don't tire your brain with machinery and machinations.

Marie Antoinette: Je ne comprende pas. Why don't you have separate chateaux?

Ned Ludd: What's wrong with a sharpened stick and some foolscap?

Job: First-world problems. You haz them.

Computer Love [Slate]

Earlier: "How Do I Explain To My Friend That Her Bad Mothering Drove Her Daughter To Suicide?"
What To Do When You're In Love With Your Sister's Widower?

"How Do I Keep My Sullen Daughter From Alienating My Wealthy Boyfriend?"

Most of us can probably list at least a few celebrity arrests. If you don’t remember Paris Hilton’s DUI, you might still have heard about Britney’s driving-with-a-baby scandal. It seems like every time a celebrity gets behind the wheel, it makes national news. But, Slate argues, this does not make celebrities bad drivers. They are just overexposed and driving in more dangerous conditions than the rest of us — due to the paparazzi and all. The good news: we don’t care! Bad behavior in cars is usually viewed as a “folk crime,” so even though it may be dangerous to drive after a few drinks, enough people have done it that it no longer seems to count as “real crime.” Celebrities: they’re just like us!

Oops! She Crashed It Again [Slate]

Related: Foreign Imports Will Be The End Of Britney Spears

While I was raised Catholic, I can relate to Bosch’s description of the secularized Christmas holiday. For Bosch, Christmas means tangled lights, cookies, nutcrackers, Law & Order, and family. Bosch admits that she once felt guilty about her family’s Christmas, especially after years of listening to others bemoan the bastardization of the holiday. Fortunately, she comes to realize that “to say that the secularists injure the Christmas spirit is much like the claim that two men getting hitched will besmirch the sanctity of marriage.” I can wholeheartedly agree with this statement, because Christmas has never been about Baby Jesus’ birthday for me either. So tomorrow, I hope that all us atheist, agnostic, and generally unaffiliated Jezebels can eat loads of cookies, drink some eggnog, spend time with our families, and watch Law & Order without feeling a trace of guilt. And that’s exactly what I’ll be doing. [Slate]

[Image via How Stuff Works]

Jessica:
Ideal: Wake up at 6:30, with coffee already brewing in the automatic machine that I set up the night before. Go for a run at 6:45. Shower and at the computer by 7:30.
Actual: Drag ass out of bed at 7:30, rush to make coffee because I forgot to set up the machine early, and no shower. Complain bitterly to boyfriend about how tired I am until at least 7:50.

Dodai:
Ideal: wake at 6, run for half an hour, shower, begin working at 7
Romantic ideal: sleep til noon in hammock on tropical island
Actual: wake at 6:30, lay in bed and watch news to make sure planet has not been bombed while sleeping, walk 1 1/2 feet to desk and begin work at 7.

Megan
Ideal: Alarm goes off at 7:30, after which I immediately urinate, brush my teeth and sit down on my couch to begin reading political news in my pajamas. I also meet all my deadlines with 15 minutes to spare.
Actual: Alarm goes off at 7:30, I hit snooze at least twice and drag (possibly hungover) ass out of bed. If this happens after 7:52, I neither pee nor brush my teeth. I then stomp to the living room, flip open my computer to discover that Vista is truly the work of Satan, begin cursing under my breath while trying to read 50 political stories and write the two pieces I have due at 8:30 and 10, respectively, and eventually make coffee sometime after my deadlines have passed.

Sadie:
Ideal: up at 5:30, take brisk, invigorating walk. (NB: in this scenario I also live somewhere considerably more picturesque); 6:30 Make coffee, oatmeal, fresh juice; shower with Kiehl's product while coffee brews; eat in pristine kitchen while listening to Radio 4; 7:00 Dress in impeccably tailored cropped 1960s slacks, string of beads, menswear-style button-down and ballet flats. Work.
Actual: 7:15: up,usually because neighbor is screaming at other neighbor (who suffered hearing loss in Iraq) in Polish; Drink old coffee from yesterday, maybe heated up,e at yogurt straight from large container while I work on couch while surrounded by my boyfriend's ashtrays and papers (since he works at night); sometimes with 'Today' on mute; Don't dress or bathe until 11.30; Don't leave house until evening.

Anna:
Ideal: Sleep until 9:30 or 10. Take a long walk. Pet cats, read paper, drink coffee, fart around. Start working at 1pm, finish at 7pm. Continue drawing same paycheck.
Actual: Wake up at 6:30-45 on 6 hours' sleep, put on stinky sweatpants, t shirt (no bra), smoke a cigarette, read through 3-5,000 stories in my RSS feed and start sending emails to staffers (done by 8:15 or 8:30). Order breakfast. Cry. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Maria:
Ideal: Wake up at 6:30, exercise, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, start work at 7:30
Actual: Wake up at 7:20, hit snooze until 7:30, start work in bed at 7:30. Eventually move to desk. Eat breakfast between 10-11. No shower.

Obviously, it's your turn... in the comments.

The Quest For The Perfect Morning Routine [Slate]

Kazdin writes that corporal punishment usually does stop bad behavior temporarily. Even though it's not an effective deterrent in the long term — kids will misbehave just as much as before — what parents remember is that brief moment when a child quit screaming or cursing or peeling the wallpaper off the wall. And if they don't perceive hitting as a problem, they're unlikely to pay attention to studies that say otherwise.

Repeated corporal punishment is bad for kids' development — they have worse impulse control and poorer health as adults. So should we ban hitting kids (note: the man pictured above is testifying in favor of such a ban)? Kazdin points out that these bans can be effective, both in reducing corporal punishment and in actually improving children's behavior. He also writes that the US is in some ways way behind the rest of the world in children's rights — only the United States and Somalia have yet to ratify the U.N.'s Convention on the Rights of the Child. One reason for this is that Americans want to preserve parental authority, including the decision to spank or not to spank. Should this decision be a parent's to make? Or, given the evidence, should we let the U.N. make it for us?

Spare the Rod [Slate]

Earlier: America: Land Of The Free, Home Of The Spank
Researchers: Spanking Can Lead To Sexual Deviancy

"In a study of 170 volunteers asked to record their most recent dream, 19% of men reported a nightmare compared with 30% of women," the BBC reports. Additionally, the changes in body temperature that women experience during their menstrual cycle can lead to disrupted sleep, and as a result, "pre-menstrual women report more vivid and disturbing dreams."

Not only do we have more vivid and terrifying menses-visions, but we also are more likely to be insomniacs. "In terms of processing emotional information, women may be more prone to taking unresolved concerns into their sleep life," Dr. Jennifer Parker, a sleep researcher, told the BBC. This must be why my Palin-induced terror has led me to more than one night of less than five hours of sleep. Thanks for nothing, ovaries!

I Dream About Sarah Palin. Do You? [Slate]
Women 'More Prone To Nightmares'[BBC]

[Image via Barista]

This is how you come to the Eligible-Bachelor Paradox, which is no longer so paradoxical. The pool of appealing men shrinks as many are married off and taken out of the game, leaving a disproportionate number of men who are notably imperfect (perhaps they are short, socially awkward, underemployed). And at the same time, you get a pool of women weighted toward the attractive, desirable "strong bidders." Where have all the most appealing men gone? Married young, most of them—and sometimes to women whose most salient characteristic was not their beauty, or passion, or intellect, but their decisiveness.

Evolutionary psychologists will remind us that there's a long line of writing about "female choosiness" going back to Darwin and the male peacocks competing to get noticed by "choosy" mates with their splendid plumage.

The Eligible Bachelor Paradox [Slate]

Ms. Applebaum points out that model Natalia Vodianova, who was born in Russia and has been a Vogue cover girl, would not have had the opportunity to be the face of Calvin Klein (and move away from her mother's abusive boyfriends) in the USSR before 1989. But, points out the Free Exchange writer, clearly Vodianova had parents, so her "superior" DNA was there whether she had access to makeup or not. In other words, eff makeup, eff Vogue.

But there is one thing Russian women can thank us for: Lung cancer and drug addiction. The number of Russian females smoking cigarettes went from 7% in 1992 to almost 15% by 2003, reports UPI. Dr. Anna Gilmore from the University of Bath says, "The fact that the transnational tobacco companies have managed to drive up male smoking rates from already high levels is incredibly alarming — there is already a major demographic crisis in Russia and smoking, which already accounts for nearly half of male deaths." Deaths of Russian women from smoking are not quite as high but females will "catch up fast," Dr. Gilmore warns. Vogue, Revlon & R.J. Reynolds: Isn't globalization great?

Where Did All Those Gorgeous Russians Come From? [Slate]
The Market For Beauty And Other Excellences [The Economist]
Russian women smokers have doubled [UPI]

Herbie, a 23-year-old "non-op female-body transgender person" (a lesbian who identifies as a male but has not had surgery), helped Yoffe out, explaining that men walk with square shoulders, in a relaxed state — leading with their, um, packages. "Men don't care, they just move. Women are much more intentional," Herbie told Yoffe.

When it came to dance moves, Herbie advised Yoffe to use your shoulders, big arm movement. Women dance with their hips, men dance with their arms. Bring your chest up. You think you should hide your chest, but men have big chests and they show them." Yoffe notes that many of the drag kings exude "masculine energy." As for her how her debut as a man actually went, Yoffe says:

The music started, and I was onstage. I was trying to keep so many thoughts in my head: "Be a man," "You're the cock of the walk," "Johnson, you're Tom Jones, the ladies love you." But mostly I couldn't remember my choreography, and as I flailed my arms I felt less like a sex symbol than a flapping chicken (not even a rooster) with facial hair. The audience, as promised, was supportive, and they handed me dollar bills (seven of them!) during the show and cheered when I finished.

I came off the stage, and the other kings, like the girls they were, patted my back, gave me thumbs up, and said I was "awesome" and "fantastic." For a reality check, I went over to Andy Bouvé, Slate V's cameraman, who was there to capture the show. "So how was I?" I asked. In his blunt male way he looked at me quizzically and shrugged.

Man Made: My Short Life As A Drag King [Slate]
Self-Made Man [Amazon]

Then they sit on the sidewalk and sulk and talk about how unfair it is that the dudes still get to have fun when they don't and the subtext is, of course, that it's impossible to enjoy life when you're consumed with the unfairness of how little you're enjoying it, just like it's hard to be funny when you're busy being pissed that someone else always gets to be the "funny one."

It's a moving scene, because Apatow doesn't rush to paper over the truth, or to imply that what Debbie says isn't the case...But the scene has none of the zany ingenuity of Pete and Ben's scene and lacks the verbal dexterity that peppers women's dialogue in screwball comedies.

If, as Heigl delicately put it, the movie is a "little sexist," that is because it is the natural product of a culture evidently sold on the notion that women are so focused on domestic mechanics that they simply don't know how to allow themselves the playful inner lives men do, whether they're free-associating brilliantly with their friends, or lazily absorbed in video games.

P.S. The women on 30 Rock don't get to be as funny as the men, either. Somehow I don't really think about that a lot while I'm watching it!


What Katherine Heigl Said About 'Knocked Up' [Slate]

[Slate]

Saletan continues:

A culture that trains its young people to procreate only with one another becomes, over time, a genetically distinct population. And if that culture glorifies intelligence to such a degree that it drives less intelligent people out of the community—or prevents them from attracting mates—it becomes an IQ machine. Cultural selection replaces natural selection.

Jewgenics [Slate]

In the same paragraph, Henneberger quotes a registered nurse from Illinois whom she met on the 2004 campaign trail. The RN was not going to vote for Kerry because she thought Teresa Heinz Kerry was a snot:

"I'm a registered Democrat and I'm not for being in Iraq, but I'll tell you what, I voted for Bush. I don't know that Bush is totally truthful, and he's not the smartest person in the world. But Kerry, I really didn't like his wife, and that influenced me. She has a smart mouth and doesn't control it."

Unfortunately, Melinda does not bring the same verve to her writing on the XX Factor. For some reason she's become obsessed with the phrase, "big-girl panties." As in: "So what would I tell those aspiring young scientists who see no one like themselves at the conference? In the immortal words of Margaret Spellings, put on your big-girl panties. And go anyway." The phrase has been used three times in the three weeks that the blog has been in existence. Big. Girl Panties. Melinda, stop trying to make big-girl panties happen! It's not going to happen! That said, the XX-factor has sort of improved in the last two weeks since I went off on them the first time. The posts are shorter and vaguely less boring. So, you go girls...or something!

The Obama Marriage: How does it work for Michelle Obama? [Slate]
First Mates [Slate]
XX Factor [Slate]
Your next First Lady? [Glamour]
View of candidates' marriages sways some voters [Boston Globe]

Earlier: Michelle Obama Tells 'Vogue' Its Readers Are Too Cynical, Desensitized By Fashion Magazines To Vote For Her Husband

The XX Factor is touted as "Slate's no-boys-allowed political blog!" (What is this, a blogging slumber party?) I feared observations like "Barack is dreamy," and "Rudy's cell phone use is such a turn-off!" And although that sort of stuff is nowhere to be found, the blog has yet to prove its purpose: The posts by Slate's impressive roster of women writers — Dahlia Lithwick, Meghan O'Rourke, and Emily Bazelon to name a few — sound exactly like all the other political commentary in Slate. The only difference being that the XX Factor writers insert cutesy anecdotes about their Dear Husbands and adorable children alongside the harder-hitting political news.

For example, in a post about UC Davis rescinding its speaking invitation to former Harvard President Larry Summer's because of his remarks about women in science, Emily Bazelon writes:

We all tend to degenerate into generalization and flippancy when we talk about sex differences. This morning one of my co-workers was worrying about a conversation he'd had with a mother at his daughter's school, who'd tried to talk to him about rearranging a playdate for his kid and hers. He hadn't known anything about the arrangement in the first place, and I said that most moms would know not to try to talk playdate with a dad. Which didn't exactly give him credit for trying to sort it all out, or encourage him to try again next time. This is why when my husband chides me for referring to "my kitchen," I say I'm sorry. At least I think I do.

The XX Factor [Slate]
Related: Lady Critics Duke it Out Over Nympho Chick-Flick [Gawker]

We've been reading old issues of Cosmo lately that we will post about when we sort out some scanner bullshit, but we have to say: it was a great magazine. Even the ads. I don't even look at ads anymore, although it's my job, but ads back in Cosmo's day were full of text, like they weren't afraid of stating the obvious: "We'd really like to do business with you, Cosmo reader, because oil crisis and hostage crisis and shitty economy be damned, you sure chose a FUN time to be alive." And they're mostly ads for shit you would actually buy, like booze and $37 dresses and booze and also fine liqueurs. There was none of this "ninety different levels of fooling ourselves in the process of fooling everybody else" aspirationalism bullshit. In short, magazines did then what we wish we COULD do if we didn't have to sit inside our houses marinating in our own amphetamine-laced filth all day. (Which by the way, is not the answer.) Will someone please start a magazine like that again right now?

Thanks
-The Management

P.S. If it wasn't clear, that headline was an invitation for your comments about shit from magazines you particularly miss, like The Face and my obsession with "Can This Marriage Be Saved" in Ladies Home Journal and other stuff like that we can rip off maybe.

Women need fat to signal the pituitary gland to ovulate—without it, their bodies go into a kind of famine mode and won't use up energy to maintain reproductive processes.

According to Wikipedia, which we trust when we're being lazy:

The North Korean government seems to perceive its population as too small in relation to that of South Korea. In its public pronouncements...The state provides t'agaso (nurseries) in order to lessen the burden of childrearing for parents and offers a seventy-seven-day paid leave after childbirth.