The phrase "skinny bitch" once made a certain kind of sense: it reinforced the idea that thin is power, and more specifically, evoked steely Nuclear Wintour and Posh Spice types, whose scrawniness seemed to suggest an iron-clad will and a certain mystery. I guess. But "skinny bastard?" I'm picturing a tubercular Ratso Rizzo in Midnight Cowboy, or maybe some kind of meathead's wimpy sidekick henchman. And yet, as a piece in today's Times tells us, this is the next frontier for the women who shamed a generation into buying their tomes.

For anyone familiar with the abusive, strident, veganism-is-the-only-way tone of the inexplicably popular Skinny Bitch books, well, you know the drill. But, just as you'd expect from said dames, rather than bullying women with low self-esteem, this version flirts with men:

Whereas the introduction to "Skinny Bitch" reads, "If you can't take one more day of self-loathing, you're ready to get skinny," the men's version does not assume low self-esteem: "Chances are, you haven't done so badly, despite the few extra lbs you're carting around. ... But don't kid yourself, pal: A hot-bodied man is a head-turner."

Says some guy, Skinny Bastard "needs the perfect skinny bastard to endorse it like Victoria did...And I don't know who that would be." Well, first problem: the book should really be called "Skinny Asshole." That, at least, would evoke some kind of snarky, hipster cokehead, which might conceivably appeal to some very disturbed demographic; "skinny bastard" sounds like the runt orphan no one wants to adopt. And we never really thought of the legitimacy of one's birth as having much to do with weight, but thank to these ladies, we can't help it!

In any case, hasn't "Skinny Bitch's" moment kind of passed? Now that we're all concerned about actual things like losing our jobs and world affairs, has the notion of running around screeching, wielding a vegan riding crop, lost some of its brittle luster? We keep reading that comfort is in: escapist reads, cozy foods, feel-good movies. How, exactly, does voluntary girl-on-girl abuse factor into this? Or, for that matter, its equally superficial male equivalent? We hope, not much.

‘Skinny' Authors Have New Goal: Making Men Buff [NY Times]

Meanwhile, some, like food expert Nina Planck, are not aboard the "Skinny Bitch" train. Planck calls veganism "unhealthy, a form of extremism." And while the American Dietetic Association says "well-planned" vegan diets are safe, these women are "out to change the world," which means — you guessed it — another book is coming out next year. The next installment of Skinny Bitch will be a guide to eating vegan while pregnant. (Hey, remember that poor child who died on a vegan diet?)

What really annoys is this: All of our bodies are different! Beyond eating a well-rounded, healthy diet, there is no one solution for everyone. And while this vegan program may turn you into a bitch, will it necessarily make you skinny? Aren't these women just pushing their animal rights beliefs by playing on women's insecurities? Do they really have ground-breaking content? Oh, wait! According to Rory Freedman's MySpace, she is 99 years old, so maybe they're onto something.

'In the Kitch': Skinny, Vegan, Profane [USA Today]
Rory Freedman [MySpace]

Earlier: Bitching About The Skinny Bitches Behind 'Skinny Bitch'

"Beer is for frat boys, not skinny bitches."

Here's the thing: our food supply is beyond fucked, but people who try to make their slender physiques into some sort of worldview wherein they are superior beings because they shop at fucking Whole Foods really piss us off. Don't get us wrong: we wish we were still vegetarian. We sort of credit vegan-macro dieting for limiting the spread of our dad's cancer and we feel bad about all the crap we eat because we're irresponsible drunks. BUT. Essentially books like Skinny Bitch remind us of a story of a tattooed vegan guy who was lying in bed with a friend of ours one morning when he blurted out: "Most people in the world aren't as skinny as us, you know." Which is basically the Urban Outfitters-wearing agnostic equivalent of Gwen Shamblin's message that the skinny are saved, while fat people go to Hell. When the fact is that, skinny or fat, the more emotional and intellectual energy this country invests in its body image the dumber — AND fatter, and more self-loathing — we get. The end.

A Diet Book Serves Up A Side Order Of Attitude [New York Times]
Earlier: Meet Christian Diet Guru Gwen Shamblin