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New York, 6:46 AM
Tue Nov 10
67 posts in the last 24 hours
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03/04/09
Maybe the whole world is different for NY women? Is it really that much more like SATC? Or is it just a very small segment of society?(my guess is the last one)
03/04/09
I think I must be confused - am I nesting as part of my desperate search for a man, or am I comforting myself with material goods? Help me, ladies!
03/04/09
Why on earth would you marry ( unless you are a golddigger so basically its your job)?
03/04/09
03/04/09
And . . .
No, that's all I've got. Health insurance.
03/04/09
03/04/09
Ultimately I don't think there should be pressure one way or the other. Marry or don't. The relationship is what counts and a piece of paper doesn't change that, although it does protect you and any children financially should your long-term partner whom you are not married to simply walk out one day. And it does provide security in case of death. But that's down to society and should probably be challenged.
03/04/09
Incidently, for those of you worried about having someone "approve" your purchases when you get married - I've never asked my husband for permission to buy myself something or felt in any way that I needed to justify a purchase. As long as the bills are paid and we've put a certain amount in savings, the money is there for the spending, for each of us. We'll discuss big purchases that are considered for "us" because that's just repectful. But, buying clothes? A new purse? Not a big deal. We both work, we both make money, we both get to spend it.
03/04/09
03/04/09
On the other hand, just a few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my dearest friends and she was telling me that she and her husband were having a disagreement about the decor for their upcoming new baby's room. She really wanted to buy a certain set of sheets that she loved and he was unsure. That was one of those occasions where I said to her "And here is where being single is an advantage!" (And she, knowing me well, took it in the spirit in which it was offered.)
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03/04/09
I am going to die alone. No man is ever going to marry me. (I'm kidding.) (Not really.)
So how do you think it makes me feel when my girlfriends get married and register for a houseful of crap? To hell with having a husband; Where's my Kitchenaid, huh? Where are my All-Clad pans? Just because I'm going to be alone forever doesn't mean I don't want a cot-damn Cuisinart.
So when I eventually buy a place of my own, you can believe I'm going to have the biggest housewarming party in the world, and I'm going to go crazy with the scanner gun at Bed Bath and Beyond.
03/04/09
You know what? You deserve to have good pots and pans, dishes, whatever, even if you're single. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Ask for these things for birthdays, holidays, whatever. I bought myself a Cuisinart one year. I have a KitchenAid, but that was a gift from my mom.
(Actually, now that I think about it, back in the day I knew a single woman in her mid-20s who bought herself an entire set of Wedgwood china.)
03/04/09
AMEN. Shit, I cook now. I have guests now. I need cookware, dishes and appliances right now. Also, I'm choosy as hell and even though most of what I own is way inexpensive, most of it isn't from anywhere that has a registry and I'm not cool with settling OR asking people to go out of their way to buy me anything when I have a job of my own. If I ever get married, I will have everything I could possibly need to entertain by then. Give me a break.
03/04/09
03/04/09
Invest wisely and learn to do something you've always wanted to learn to do?
I mean, when I think about having a fulfilling life on my own, I don't think about all the things I want to buy -- I think about all the things I want to do. Attend a writing workshop in the Hamptons this summer! Take a class where I can learn to make my own shoes! Sit on my couch tonight, wearing pajamas and eating really delicious homemade veggie stir-fry with mint chocolate chip ice cream for dessert while watching American Idol! I feel like I've done something for myself when I've done something for myself, not when I've bought something for myself.
(Of course, this is from the girl who just impulse-bought a Kooba bag because it was 50% off.)
03/04/09
(Of course, this is from the girl who just impulse-bought a Kooba bag because it was 50% off.)
And didn't have to justify it to anyone. One of the many perks of being single!
03/04/09
03/04/09
@egg cream: I liked your post. I agree but I also think that should you marry that shouldn't mean that you stop doing things for yourself. Subsuming yourself entirely in marriage and family is not necessarily a good thing.
03/04/09
Well, speaking as an unmarried woman of a certain age, I can tell you what I did: I sat down, took stock of my life, figured out what I wanted and what I could control, and then I went out and made it work.
I grew up believing I'd be married with kids by my mid-to-late 20s. Today, I have no idea where I got this notion, and I have never been pressured by my parents about marriage. However, where I grew up, that's what most girls did, and I think I just assumed it would be the same for me. I don't know why, because I'd never really followed the path that others.
Anyway, I passed that benchmark, and then 30, then 31, then 32, and I realized that marriage was something over which I had no control. I hadn't met the right man and, as many others have articulated, I wasn't looking to be married just for the sake of being married. And then I realized that the part I was really mourning was the fact that I wanted to be a mother. I could get married in my 40s, 50s, whatever, but there was a window of opportunity for motherhood, and I needed to climb through it. So, I did.
That's not the answer for everyone. I have single friends who started their own businesses, focused on travel, moved overseas, whatever. It's about taking control of the parts of your life that you can control. I have one friend who is in her 50s and isn't married and she still sees herself as a failure. I love her, but that's not what I want for myself.
Would I still like to be married? Probably, if I can find a man with whom I am compatible. On the other hand, as I tell people often, there is a lot to be said for being the only adult in my house: I have control of the remote (after the pumpkin's bedtime), I can buy whatever I want and don't have to justify it, there's no dividing the holidays between families, and I had 100% say in what I named my kid.
Sorry this is long, but this is a topic that sticks in my craw.
Also, for you singles who want kids, you can do it on your own, if that's what you want!
03/04/09
Seriously, you are now officially my idol because that is exactly what I want in a few years.
03/04/09
It's not to say that single-momdom is the easiest thing ever, and there are definitely times I'd like another adult in my house -- especially when I'm trying to get my daughter into bed and she doesn't want to go. But, I am here to tell you that you can do it. You just have to make the decision to go for it, realize that you'll be giving up some things that you might have if you were childless (I don't travel as much as I would like to, for example), and know that your house may never be clean again. That last one might just be me, though.
Also, and I should have said this before, none of this is to diminish the role of men in a child's life. I am fortunate to have an awesome father and brother as well as several close male friends who adore my daughter. She, in turn, thinks they (especially her Grandpa) hung the stars.
03/04/09
03/04/09
Isn't it weird that during college, being in a long-term relationship garnered a lot of "aww, good for you guys!" or "that's so sweet!" comments, but right when we graduate it's "well, why aren't you engaged/married yet?!"
It makes me crazy that other people think they know what's best for me and my relationship. In actuality, us getting married right now would put so much financial strain on us that we'd probably end up divorced within a year.
So you stay unmarried and baby-less for as long as you want to. I'm right there with you.
03/04/09
A lot of my friends and family think it's weird, but having my own money and being able to make my own decisions about it is extremely important to me, so society can suck it.
03/04/09
Been there. Done that. Been fucked over.
No thank you.
03/04/09
The only reason you should feel pressure about getting married (if you're a girl) is if you want to have biological babies only after you're married, and you worry about having babies late.
I think that's a legitimate logistical worry, but any worries beyond that don't make much sense to me.
03/04/09
03/04/09
Everyone's different. I just think this Carrie Bradshaw mold is getting a little tiresome these days.
03/04/09
03/04/09
Reason #8734734 why I hate SATC.
I completely agree with everything you said.
I feel like I can't comment on this post because I'm part of the evil crowd that is getting married/married.
But, I still buy things for myself...I work hard so I'm allowed to spend my money as I please. Do I run out and buy a fancy dress or expensive shoes? No. Because you don't wear those kinds of things when you're bar crawling on Market Street. Jean and a t-shirt and sense able pair of flats work just as well.
I was one of those people who swore that she'd never get married. I had no desire. I still don't wish for the big wedding or the fancy dress, we're getting court house married like a good Military couple. And I'm 100% ok with that. But, I've never felt like there was ever any pressure on me to be married. Granted I'm only shy of 25 so maybe it's different. But I do have a child, and had a child before I got engaged. But, no one ever asked me "When are you getting married!?!?" it just wasn't something we (my friends/family) we ever really concerned about. Nor did I ever feel like my life was going to end if I was destined to be a single mommy for the rest of my life. I was ok with that.
03/04/09
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03/04/09
It's called A HOUSE.
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03/04/09
Don't get me wrong, paying off debt and traveling are my exact goals as well, and I totally dig valuing experiences over things, but it all costs money, you know? Maybe for someone who bought an expensive dress, money wasn't the focus for her either. Maybe she just wanted to feel nice in an expensive dress. :P
03/04/09
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03/04/09
(Sorry for the longwinded rant. I'm just sick of people who act like everybody can just go to the airport & fly halfway around the world, like it's cheap.)
03/04/09
03/04/09