Jezebel 
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New York, 1:57 AM
Mon Nov 30
18 posts in the last 24 hours
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08/25/09
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My mom didn't die when I was very young (I was 17) but still...it was enough to fuck me up and he was very supportive even though he couldn't fix it.
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I don't think hiding them is the way to do it. If they have an interest in reading them, let them, but make sure to reinforce that they're fine the way they are and models are "hangers", nothing to look up to.
08/25/09
my dad was AMAZING. my grandma likes to tell the story how she told my sister and i that we looked beautiful (when we were really little) and he took her aside later and asked that she not focus on giving us compliments that highlight looks, because he didn't want us to learn to value appearances above all else like smarts and wiles.
he also combed the tangles out of my hair when i managed to get accidental dreadlocks, and had father-daughter talks with me in the car while driving me home to my mom's (divorced), and picked me up from college and drove me to new york when i graduated, and always believed in me.
lets start giving dads some credit. i just don't believe that the majority are inept buffoons.
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I do think that it is very, very, very important for fathers not to criticize their daughter's looks. I know way too many girls who are still holding on to chubby comments their father made 10 years ago, even if they were simple one time comments that might have had more to do with the father's shock that his little girl was becoming a woman.
The other thing that I think is important is for dad's to not talk about which women they find attractive and unattractive in front of their children (male or female). This includes the child's mother. I was actually kind of shocked as an adult when I found out how many dads were commenting on Mom's body or Britney Spears body in front of their kids. It speaks of male entitlement to think that anyone, never mind your kids, cares that you wanted to screw Kirstie Alley before she got all fat.
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Obviously a kid is going to overhear some husband/wife conversations and the tone of those is important. An odd "You look gorgeous!" as they head out for a date night is different than regularly talking about Mommy's looks in front of the kids.
08/25/09
I really needed to read something like this, if only because I had to (I really had to! for work!) read a rather annoying piece in People mag by Jerry O'Connell, about being a father to his twin daughters. Yeah, I know is Jerry O'Connell and depth, insight or clarity were off the table in advance, but seriously, it was so full of idiotic clichés about relationships between Daddies and their little girls! Their very special moments! and OMG, everything is pink in my house now, and I'll have to read Judy Blume and watch Twilight! Little girls wear dresses, and they give their daddies very special attention! Ugh.
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08/25/09
The Biggest Loser host annoyed me way more. Your 8 month old baby liking sparkly dresses is not a product of her vagina. I'm sure you son would have liked sparkly clothes at 8 months if you'd offered them to him.
08/25/09
here are 2 tidbits:
i was pondering chopping off my lovely long hair when i was about 10. my dad's fatherly advice?--"boys don't like girls with short hair. if you ever want boys to like you, don't cut off your hair."
and how about that ever comical first period? i'm at the mall of america with only my dad and brother. i go to the bathroom and discover my magical first period has begun. i am 12, i don't have a cent on me, so i go out and ask my dad for a quarter. he tells me i shouldn't eat candy. so our conversation goes like this:
"dad, i'm getting my period. i need to buy a pad."
"no, you're not"
"yes i am, i need a quarter because pads cost a quarter"
"THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME YOU CAN'T BE OH MY GOD!"
he wouldn't go to the walmart next to the hotel we stayed to buy a package of pads and instead insisted i buy them as needed from the machine in the hotel (the water-proof pillow-style 'pads'). we stayed 2 more days and nights and i leaked through my clothes every day, leaked on the sheets, it was mortifying.
so no seriously, he needs to write a book on how to completely destroy a little girl's self esteem! please tell me someone else has stories like this!
08/25/09
He was not exactly a warm and squishy man and was actually rather a prick until he was well into his 60s. God rest his soul.
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We have a better relationship now, but I attribute that largely to me no longer having to live in the same house. I haven't since high school, when my mom finally left him.
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DH and I had been constantly telling her this stuff, but of course it was all just parental background noise to her. She had to figure it out for herself.
She still likes clothes, bags and shoes, but THANK GOD she has stopped comparing herself to the models who hawk them.
08/25/09
It makes me think of all the dudes I know and try to figure out how each one will be as a parent. There are a couple in particular who I think will make amazing dads someday. Makes me a little happier for the human race before I have to go back to the rest of the world.
08/25/09
08/25/09
WRT to my last comment on the shaming thread... no one thinks I am smarter or more capable, and yes, prettier than my dad. Unlike my other parent, it is my dad who was the preacher of feminist thought, and the parent that never stopped encouraging me professionally and personally. I owe a lot to that man. He is full of faults, but I feel fortunate that he is who he is.
Yes, the heteronormative daddy/princess thing I too find troubling in a general sense, but for me personally my father is a much loved, imperfect hero.
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However, every time I complained that I didn't feel good he would always answer "but you *look* good!"
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That, I think, is the crux of what it means to have children, really. It shifts your perspective in unimaginable ways.
While do I sometimes get annoyed by hearty back patting for men who, frankly, are doing what they should be doing, I did find him likable. I felt like he was simply sharing a story, not asking for accolades.
And, the thought of any recently widowed parent sitting with his/her child the night after a spouse dies just makes me super sad. It is funny, however, how certain movies can be soothing in times of pain. Mine is Little Women.
08/25/09