Katayama heard about the woman in question from a man who was her waiter that night:

The woman called her companion Peter or Stan. She ordered an appetizer for herself and a halibut dish for Peter/Stan. She was probably a tourist; she wanted to take pictures with Peter/Stan as the sun was setting, and while she was waiting for her food, she asked Joel if he could recommend any memorabilia from the gift shop so she could buy him a little something. When Joel was away, he could see her at her table talking to Peter/Stan as if he was a real person. Once or twice, she reached over to adjust him in his seat, or maybe to hold his hand. "When I walked up to the table, I felt like I was interrupting a date," Joel tells me. After about 45 minutes, the woman got up, walked to the kitchen, and told Joel that she would have to take her and Peter/Stan's dinners to go - they had a trolley car ride to catch, and she didn't want to be late.

We have so many "virtual" conversations — Facebook updates, Twitter accounts, texts and IMs. But does that mean fewer face-to-face encounters? I lived alone for about ten years — no roommates, no pets, no plants. I had friends, of course, with whom I'd make plans… But obviously a lot of my time was spent alone, especially once I started working from home. Time would pass without seeing or speaking to anyone, and it felt lonely. It took a long time to get comfortable with the idea of sitting in a restaurant alone. Sometimes I would bring a book, or a magazine, but I never considered a cardboard cutout. But would it be so bad? Kids often have imaginary friends. Are adults meant to do without? (Katayama points out that in September, NBC Miami reported on a woman who carries around a cardboard cutout of her soldier boyfriend. Does that seem less weird?) When I'm home alone, I sometimes talk back to the TV; about five months ago, Scientific American had an article about how TV can ease loneliness: "In the same way that a snack can satiate hunger in lieu of a meal, it seems that watching favorite TV shows can provide the experience of belonging without a true interpersonal interaction." But you can't take your TV out to dinner with you. (Yet.)

Men who marry video game characters, or who love their Real Dolls, get mocked. But what about the woman having dinner with a cardboard cutout? Do you have sympathy and understanding for her? Would it make a difference if the cutout depicted a soldier in Iraq? Or what if he were a character from New Moon? I guess what I'm saying is: I've been lonely. So I can't judge.

Woman Dines With Cardboard Cutout Man In San Francisco [BoingBoing]
Related: Imaginary Friends [Scientific American]

[Danboard image via HobbySearch]

The women who "represented" each lifestyle took extreme sides of the argument and it seemed like all of them were wrong. Nobody, at any point during the show, seemed cognizant of the fact that there isn't one "correct" choice, and that the only thing that ultimately matters is that women choose what feels right for them. (That, and that there are women who are not heterosexual who grapple with these same issues.)

Of course, Lane's situation is a bit different than mine, as she's a widow and a bit older than me, but it is really annoying to be asked, "Why are you still single," as though it's choice that you've just sort of randomly made. Um, hello, it takes another person. Lane says:

I'm alone because I can stand it and even sometimes like it, so I won't go out and beat the bushes for some nice enough fellow who votes Republican and belches so loud I jump, but who doesn't make me smile enough to put up with strange noises and smells.

She, like me, is alone because rather than find someone nice enough to keep from being alone, she'd rather hold out for special. Special doesn't walk by every day.

She also thinks she's alone because, at least to a degree, she's too used to being alone and not having to justify the weird shit you do when you're alone.

I'm alone because I 'm now used to getting up when I want and drinking from the juice bottles and not shaving my legs and leaving dishes from the night before on my bed and getting up at 3am and seeing a movie and going back to bed at 5am and not hearing a word of scorn.

I think she forgot "peeing with the bathroom door open."

She's alone because she isn't scared to be without someone because she has a life that makes her happy:

I'm alone because I have friends who laugh and go out to concerts and play Scrabble and keep me occupied when I want to go out and we seem to laugh more than our married friends and we even look happier, even if we aren't, but I suspect we might be, at least moreso than many.

Sometimes, you're more alone in an unhappy relationship than you really ever are without a relationship at all.

And, again, she's alone because it takes two to tango, and no one seems any more interested in asking her to dance than she feels like asking herself.

I'm alone because I'm independent and outspoken and most men don't much care for women who debate them and who don't hope to get married and cook for them.

Well, that specific one might be generational.

There's also the part where she doesn't feel like she's missing out on anything being alone:

I'm alone because I'm satisfied that I've sowed enough oats to make oatmeal for the New York Yankees and the Knicks and still have some left over to feed the Miami Chamber Orchestra and the waitstaff at Joe's Stone Crab, with a few spoonfuls to spare.

I think I love her a little right now.

I mean, you can list all the reasons you want for why you're alone, but it's never any one. I'm not in a relationship because I have a limited tolerance for other people's bullshit, and because other people often have a limited tolerance for mine. I'm alone because I looked around one day in the midst of the relationship I thought I'd spend the rest of my life in and realized I was so miserable that there wasn't any way I could possibly be unhappier alone, even if I spent the rest of my life that way. I'm alone because I was too unwilling to compromise sometimes and too willing to at others. I'm probably alone because I dated when I wanted to and got into relationships when I wanted to and got out of them when I needed to. I'm alone because I eschewed goal-oriented dating and "trying to find someone" in favor of seeing what happened with this guy, this time, one guy at a time (more or less). And, like Lea Lane, I've made my peace with being single because I don't have to pretend I don't drink from the carton or sleep with one of those face masks on or watch Murder She Wrote too late at night.

I'm alone because life doesn't always wind up the way you expect it to, and it wound up this way for me, and I roll with it.

Not everyone follows the same path, and not everyone gets to be with someone, and not everyone necessarily chose this. We're all single for as many reasons as everyone else got married. Like anything else in life, there's no simple answer.

Why I'm Alone [Huffington Post]

How are we supposed to know if we are unmarried because we want to be? As an unmarried 30-something woman in New York, you can't say you want to get married, because then you're that unmarried 30-something woman in New York who's obsessed with marriage. But if you go around saying you don't want to get married, people think you're lying, or that you're so traumatized by your past dating experiences that you must hate men.

There is no doubt that this is true. When a woman wants to get married, but isn't, a whiff of desperation emanates from her — growing stronger the older she gets. The smell is not actually there, but people tend to act like something stinks. It's just seems that people think longing for a husband is cute when you're 22, less so when you're 32, and by 42? You're already renting a one bedroom in Spinsterville. Men are allowed to careen, stumble and gallivant through bachelorhood indefinitely; women have to say they are looking for "the one," or their relatives look at them funny. Even when celebrities say things like, "I'm not single — I'm busy!", it seems ripe for mocking.

Plus: Women have a billion self-help books and Hollywood movies telling us that when we're not looking for Mr. Right, he magically appears. You "meet cute" while reaching for the same pint of Häagen Dazs, or he accidentally spills his latte on you right before an blind date.

But oddly, the issue that comes up time and time again? Finance. In Shafrir's piece, a woman turning 40 wants to buy a pricey dress for her birthday party. Her explanation? "I'm never getting married. I'm never going to have a wedding. So this is sort of like my wedding dress, you know?" Yes, just like the infamous Sex And The City-registering-for-Manolos incident, it seems that unmarried women can only achieve milestones by spending money. Maybe you look down on what Shafrir calls "liberated materialism," but in a capitalist, wedding-mad, home-ownership obsessed society, what else can an unmarried woman do do feel like, you know, she's done something for herself?

How To Be Un-Married (For Now Anyway) [NY Observer]

There was recently an anthology released, Alone in the Kitchen With an Eggplant (based on a terrific Laurie Colwin essay of the same name) composed entirely of essays on the pleasures of eating alone: the opportunities for iconoclastic experimentation and self-pampering. One assumes that virtuous French-woman-style lifestyle plans involve much of this sort of "because I'm worth it" behavior, and there's certainly something appealing about the fantasy of being the sort of woman who pours herself a glass of wine, whips up creme brulee for one and dines solo by candlelight because she enjoys her own company so much!

For most of us, eating alone falls somewhere between this twee self-catering and the cliche of the lonely diner eating cold Chinese food or a cup of Ramen. In some ways, the whole "eating alone" phenomenon seems to make it a bigger deal than it needs to be — like you need to face the reality of a single existence and embrace it! Haven't people always cooked for themselves? Then too, it's not like most of us live in French villages or near great butchers: it can be hard to get just that one exquisite chicken breast or single fresh roll, not to mention pricey. I for one have never been so sensitive that it made me cry when I saw a recipe listing quantities for four — I can do basic division if needed and don't require my own, special recipes. Besides, when I cook four portions of a meal, it's not because I couldn't figure our how to make less or because I'm in denial and expect a bunch of phantom guests, but rather because if I'm going to the trouble, I want to get several days' worth of meals out of my work.

I guess in the old days, single working girls weren't thought to eat much — those retro Helen Gurley Brown types were probably thought to either smoke their meals or let a date pick up the tab, and in a lot of ways "cooking for one" seems to be code for "women" — single women who like and appreciate good food. Or, alternatively, older people who, I guess the thinking goes, can't figure out how to cook for less than a whole family. And that's nice, but I think we can handle it. And you know, those days I have a bowl of cold cereal for dinner, it's not out of some deep self-loathing or lack of self-esteem. I do it because I can, and it's easy, and it's a luxury you don't have when you're cooking for other people. Oh, and it's really easy to measure a single serving.

Cooking for One? That Means You Can Have Your Steak And Freeze It, Too. [Washington Post]

Earlier: Why Takeout Is Evil And Other Stuff To Feel Guilty About

And here's something else to think about: What would you think of this stunt if a man were doing it (buying the ad during, say, the Miss America pageant)? Would he seem desperate? Embarrassing? Smart? Romantic? Some of the comments on the Post's site are crude:

"Someone should tell this woman that desperation is not attractive. THAT may be part of her problem."

"Amy: don't ask for my money in order to get married. Spend your own."

"I think she's looking for a guy that doesn't exist and will never exist - the IDEAL man, though she's taking it to an extreme. A good shrink and a dose of humility would help."

"She should spend $500 on a make-over and she could probably get a good guy for free."

It should be noted that Borkowsky is a comedian — her show involves answering machine messages from her mother, which she has been saving for over a decade. So whatever you may think about her, at least she has a sense of humor about herself.

Super Bowl Hail 'Marry' [NY Post]
SuperBowlSingleGirl.com [Amy Borkowsky's Site]

Anyway, so the "evidence" cited by Dr. Pam that all single women of a certain age (mine) are unhappy is that they come into her office and tell her they are. They're denying biology! They're denying thousands of years of civilization and 30+ years of socialization that couplehood is the only way to go! And, less obviously to the Not Good Doctor, they're sitting in the chair of a judgmental and uninsightful therapist whose goal is to help them get coupled with someone so they can be happy.

What's really going on behind that confident demeanour [of a single woman that declares herself to be happy]and fulfilled exterior is crushing loneliness and desperation.
Single women become adept at playing the isn't-life-grand game.
They have to do it around men so they don't appear desperate.

One thing that Pam misses is that by relying on her patients — who are seeing a therapist because they are unhappy, great self-selection in your unbiased sample, Pam — she's talking to women who are actually unhappy about it, but that doesn't mean the rest of us are. And, um, to a woman, they all admit that they spend a great deal of time and energy pretending not to be unhappy because to admit to their actual feelings would be too humiliating. So rather then, I don't know, talking to these women about how to openly express their actual feelings to people they care about, or counseling them that constantly feeling like "a fraud" and "putting on a facade" isn't emotionally healthy, she helps them get boyfriends. That's obviously the solution to your life's problems, and God knows, entering into a relationship when you have so much trouble acknowledging your feelings and expressing them to the people that care about you is totes a good idea.

As far as I'm concerned, there's a reason the phrase "settling down" contains the word "settling," and that reason has a hell of a lot to do with the divorce rate. There's this social drum beat to marry, marry, marry that I think many women (and men) mistake for their supposed biological clock, and so they run off and pick the most likely candidate and off to the Grown Up Races they go. You know what really sucks? What makes a woman really, really, really unhappy? A fucked up relationship. I've found that you can actually be lonelier in an unhappy relationship with someone than being single.

And I'm single, and I'm not unhappy about it. I'm single because last year I ended a 4-year relationship in which I was so deeply unhappy and so deeply unfulfilled that I'd actually sunk into a deep depression that required therapy. Did getting out of that relationship suck? Yes. I spent as much time crying in my wine after it was over as I did before it ended. Am I "happy" now? I am no longer desperately unhappy and, for someone who suffers from depression, that's a pretty decent start. I am happy to not be miserably coupled. Do I regret being single? Not at all. I'm not defensive about my status, or my age, I'm not inwardly seething at weddings except when there's no more booze to be had (or none to be found) and, in fact, I'm planning on strapping on some extremely cute shoes in September to serve as a bridesmaid in my younger sister's wedding and to flirt with the photographer my mom's told me is extremely attractive and single. And I won't have a date, and I'll be happy about it, because someone needs to flirt with cute wedding photographers and I hear boyfriends frown on that.

Forget This Tosh About 'Freemales' - Single Women Who Say They Are Happy Are Lying [Daily Mail]

The report states: "An increase in the number of people living alone may be thwarting the gains from energy efficiencies." So — all the women who are independent, throw your hands up at me. And tell me: Do we need to start crocheting by candlelight instead of liveblogging ANTM? Oh wait, kids are fucking up the planet, too. Nevermind.

Rise In Singletons Thwarts Moves To Save Energy [Guardian]
Kids Are Killing The Planet! [Huffington Post]
Earlier: Single Women: Psyched Or Sad?
If You're Single And You Know It, Raise Your Hand

Because, as Ms. Brett points out, even media mogul Tyra Banks pouts: "I go home and put my key in my door and... nothing; no friends, no husband, no children. I feel so full when I'm at work but so empty when I come home." And, if you pay any attention to the celeb weeklies, single women need your pity, because they are "lonely" and "can't find love." Plus, Ms. Brett refers to the Lori Gottlieb article in Atlantic Monthly, reminding us that Ms. Gottlieb wrote: "Every woman I know - no matter how successful and ambitious - feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried." While Jen Aniston and Cammie Diaz don't appear to be panicking, Ms. Brett ends with a quote from Cher: "I don't need a man. But I'm happier with one."

So which is it? Are "freemales" carefree, happy, independent modern women who don't think of a husband as a "must-have" in life? Or are they sad, lonely, empty, desperate souls, secretly terrified that they won't get married? (Bonus question: Are we living in a society that is so afraid of a strong, sexy, single woman that they have to be labeled lonely and thereby taken down a notch?)

Strictly A Solo Act [Sydney Morning Herald]

Earlier: Settle For Mr. "Just OK" — While Your "Marital Value Is Still At Its Peak!"
If You're Single And You Know It, Raise Your Hand
British Writer Knows Why You're Still Single

Some companies discriminate against women who have, or will have, children. Kiki Peppard, a 53-year-old switchboard operator, tells Guardian she was rejected from 19 job interviews in a row because she was a single mother. And research backs her up: A recent US shows that mothers are 79% less likely to be hired than non-mothers with equal employment experience. But some women feel like when working moms need to take care of their motherhood duties, their office duties get dumped on those without children.

In Marie Claire's "Cubicle Coach" column, a reader writes, "I get that juggling parenting responsibilities and work is tough, but I shouldn't have to pick up the slack for my overextended colleagues, should I?" The Cubicle Coach claims that "Those with kids use the workday more efficiently than most." I ever so respectfully call bullshit! I have definitely worked with slacker moms and hardworking singles (as well as slacker singles and hardworking moms). But usually, everyone is working hard and stretched too thin. If you're single, don't employers assume you can work more, because, what else are you doing? But if you work and have kids — basically two full-time jobs — isn't it only right that you take advantage of any chance to make your flesh and blood a priority?

Single Women's Overtime Burden,
Mothers Need Not Apply [Guardian]
Why Do Working Moms Get the Perks? [Marie Claire]

Earlier: Are Childless Women Hostile To Working Moms?

While almost every single item on the men's list (with the possible exception of "wear a duffel coat in the winter, but are not Paddington Bear" — duffel coats can look great on the right guy!) is a tip-off that the guy is a dud; two items on the women's list don't seem so bad. Number 20 is about relinquishing control. The line between "control freak" and "achievement-driven, goal-oriented lady to be reckoned with" is pretty thin, no? As for number 24, saying "Oh my God, you're a Gemini" seems a petty offense most guys wouldn't balk at. (But maybe I feel that way that's because I've said it. Shit, is that why I'm single?) In any case, aren't there plenty of married men and women who could check things off on this list? And which offenses is Jennifer Aniston (whose photo accompanies the story) guilty of?

50 Reasons Why You're Still Single [Times]

Mai Hawas is a 31 year-old architectural engineer who lives in Cairo with her parents because it's unacceptable for "good" women to live alone, lest they become bad. She was engaged twice: once to a man who wanted someone prettier and quieter (honey, we've all been there); and once to a man that demanded — in writing — half her salary and a down payment from her parents before he would agree to the marriage (in Egypt, normally the groom pays the bride's family). She had the good sense to tell the second guy to take a hike. She says:

The men I meet are educated, yes that's true, but some Egyptian men don't like 'girls' to talk about politics and culture, or to argue with them about ideas. But I have my own personality. I don't need someone else forming my mind.

Also in the article is Hanan Sheikh, a 35 year-old college professor who also lives with her parents and has a 9p.m. curfew! Her family is considered cursed because her 30 year-old sister is also unmarried. She doesn't wear a veil and when asked about some of her students that dress in a more Western style (i.e., they wear tight jeans) and go out on dates, she notes that "Egyptian boys have a conservative mentality and will not marry someone like that." Once again, I hate to tell her that there are men everywhere who date the slutty girls like me and wouldn't ever consider marrying someone who doesn't go to church on Sundays.

Finally, Nahla Emad Abdel Aziz is a 33 year-old doctor and university lecturer who does wear a veil, but she's optimistic about the direction society is going. Because the cost of living is rising in Egypt, she thinks that Egyptian men "are more accepting of career women. Eventually they know they'll need someone to help them financially." I guess it's probably no coincidence that the gradual acceptance of women in the workplace in America coincides with a dramatic rise in the cost of living, either. What is the Arabic translation for "keeping up with the Joneses," anyway?

Single And Not So Restless In Cairo [L.A. Times]

• Will women help elect the first female U.S. president? Female support for Hillary Clinton is propelling her to the top of the Democratic presidential heap. [Politico]
  
• More proof that men get dumb when they get horny: Almost 10% of men are downloading porn at work. [Telegraph]
  
• An Aussie study says that overweight, single women are more likely to raise children with weight issues. One question: Does 'single' mean not in a relationship? Or just 'unmarried'? [Babble]
  
• Pro-life wingnuts think that the ban of partial-birth abortion is a good thing because it will be replaced by more dangerous methods that are more likely to seriously injure the woman or make her sterile. [Feministe]

• Having hot flashes is a good sign... for breast cancer survivors. [ABCNews]
• Justin Henin-Hardenne defeated Serena Williams at The French Open today. [BBC]
• Feministing's Jessica Valenti finally weighs in (no pun intended) on the magazine cover of naked punk singer Beth Ditto. Also: jessica will be on the Colbert Report tonight. [Feministing]
• What happens to breast implants after death? Not a lot, it seems! [Esquire]