• Stephanie Seymour's divorce from Peter Brant is getting even uglier. After police were called to the couple's home following Seymour's complaint that Brant's security assaulted her, Brant has accused the model of drug use and is seeking sole child custody:

• Brant alleged in court filings that Seymour sought treatment for Vicodin abuse, and subsequently became addicted to the drug Subutex, which is used to treat opiate addiction. He says Seymour has missed multiple court-required breathalyzer tests, and has twice submitted urine samples that, though clean of Subutex, were too cold to meet the minimum valid temperature. The media mogul also says Seymour "broke in" to the couple's Florida mansion and removed $700,000 worth of items, all while the kids sat in a hotel in Connecticut. [NYP]
• When fashion goes Galt, you know we're in trouble. [TDB]
• Nanette Lepore, Michael Kors, Zac Posen, Anna Sui, Betsey Johnson, and that guy who was just endorsed by Barack Obama, whatsisname, Bill Thompson, will be on Seventh Avenue on Wednesday for a rally to save the New York Garment District. Twenty-five thousand people work in the district, and designers say they need their convenient access to sample houses and manufacturers it provides, but lax enforcement of existing zoning laws and competition from cheaper labor sources overseas have led the zone to dwindle. [NYDN]
• Not to be outdone, Mayor Bloomberg — whom some designers have criticized for failing to do enough to protect the garment district — is launching a fashion incubator program for 12 up-and-coming designers this fall. [NYP]
• Woody Allen is reportedly considering casting Adriana Lima in his new movie, which is set in Rio de Janeiro. Because he's "fascinated" by her beauty. [NYP]
• "My fashion advice is to have a flattering mirror at home and then forget about it," says Vivienne Westwood. The designer lives in Captain Cook's old house, and has never sold out to a larger company or a private investor, despite some offers. And some polite nos: reports Cathy Horyn, one backer in the 90s picked another designer instead. "They could have made money with me. They lost it. I'm a woman," says Westwood. "I'm like household management or whatever it is. I would never spend more than I have." [NYTimes]
• Tim Gunn has a cameo in the Sex And The City sequel. [E!]
• JMS, a brand owned by Hanes, is adding a dedicated plus-size apparel line to its existing plus-size offerings, which were mainly jeans and underwear. It'll be sold at Wal-Mart and the creative director promises "slimming seams, strategically placed pockets, freedom of movement and appropriate-weight materials." [WWD]
• Christian Louboutin, the designer who slimmed down Barbie's ankles when he had the chance to release a line of dolls under his own name, says he never meant to imply her ankles were big before. "Fat ankles she didn't have, she just could have had thinner ankles," explained Louboutin. Still digging, then. [WWD]
• Manolo Blahnik: "I hate celebrities. All those pointless girls — I won't name names, but you know who I mean. They are 'famous'. Ridiculous. I like women with style: actresses like Uma Thurman, icons like Audrey Hepburn. I like women with style to wear my shoes." [Vogue UK]
• Model Selita Ebanks joins Sinbad, Darryl Strawberry, and Cyndi Lauper in the next season of Celebrity Apprentice. [NYDN]
• Pat Field made a tote bag for Diet Coke to give away with purchase, which will be available later this month from Boots stores. [Daily Express]
• Erin Wasson, presumably to avoid her dreaded homelessness, makes an appearance in the fall J. Crew catalog. She eats a necklace in one shot. [Refinery29]
• Something called the Japan Jeans Association given the country's first lady, Miyuki Hatoyama, its Best Jeanist Award. (She shares it with a pop star and an actor.) Pleased, the 66-year-old Hatoyama said, "This is the prize I have long wished to win. I'm a jeans lover. I'm always putting on jeans as they're easy to wear." She also recalled that she and her husband were each wearing jeans when they met. [AFP]
• Gee, we're so glad reporter Giles Hattersley puts that nice boss, successful businesswoman, and maker of lovely shoes Tamara Mellon in her place in this hard-hitting profile. Apparently she smokes, wears "teensy" dresses, and altogether reminds Hattersley of "the heroine of some dicey Danielle Steel bonkathon." Can't have that. [ToL]
• Love Moschino, the Italian company's lower-priced clothing line, is adding accessories to its collection. [WWD]
• Georgia May Jagger, already having nabbed the Hudson Jeans campaign, is now the face of Rimmel cosmetics. [Telegraph]
• Yasmin le Bon's daily life: "If lunch is at home then I tend to eat up leftovers from the fridge. I'm the leftover queen. I can't help it. I might mix them into an omelette or throw them all into a soup. One of the children won't eat soups any more because she's worried what old food I've put in it. Simon's mother, Ann Marie, often comes round with homemade bread and cakes." [ToL]
• Alvin Ailey company dancers will wear Mark & James, Badgley Mischka's just-announced lower-priced line, to their season opening gala on December 2. [WWD]
• Henry Holland kinda maybe sorta wants to move to New York. "Every time I come, the need to live here becomes more and more urgent and I want to go home less and less. I spend my entire time here plotting about how I would do it." But even if he did cross the Atlantic, he says he would still show his line in London. [Grazia]
• The luxury market, once in free-fall, is still declining, just not as steeply as some analysts earlier expected. Instead of the overall 10% drop in luxury sales that had originally been forecast for 2009, analysts say the industry is on track for an 8% decline in sales. [WSJ]

• Lindsay Lohan's "post-breakup makeover" involved getting her hair dyed red and getting a tattoo. [People]
• This column calls Lindsay a "celebutard" who is "painfully thin" and "in the middle of an emotional meltdown." [NY Post]

• Madonna is planning to build a home in Malawi. Hmm, maybe if she becomes a resident, she can adopt? [The Sun]
• Buffy is gonna be a mommy! Sarah Michelle Gellar and hubs Freddie Prinze Jr. are expecting their first child in the fall. [People]
• Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag will get married (again?) on April 25 in Pasadena, CA. A "source" says: "This will be the real wedding. It's being filmed as the season finale for The Hills." So that thing in Mexico was a stunt for Us Weekly? [E!]
• Farrah Fawcett has been released from the hospital "in great spirits." [People]
• This story claims: "Sales of dog food have rocketed in Europe after Hollywood stars Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson ate some on a German TV show. Budget-conscious Swiss families are tucking into tins of the stuff rather than buying more expensive dishes." [The Sun]
• Drew Barrymore on playing Edie in Grey Gardens: "People who say this is exploitative are bullshit. Anyone who is a naysayer should pull a stick out of their you know what. You know? Get a heart and get into the art and the life and celebrate with us all; don't be on the other side-it's really not fun over there." [The Daily Beast]
• During the Oscars, Amy Adams was thinking about the mall where she worked after high school: "I just was so reflective the whole evening on how I came to be sitting in that room. At one point my fiancé was like, 'You feel distant.' And I said, 'I am! I can't even talk to you!' I was there at the Oscars thinking, What if I never left the Gap?" [W Magazine]
• Here's the first graph of a Miley Cyrus profile: "Miley Cyrus prepared for April 3, an average workday, by reading the Bible—a few chapters of Job—and ended it by telling a ribald joke as she walked off camera at Access Hollywood. In between she had a casting session for her next movie, The Last Song, written specially for her by weepie king Nicholas Sparks; was interviewed four times; performed twice; changed outfits twice; and visited the Tonight Show's make-your-own-sundae bar once. When she left the NBC lot at 6:30 p.m., she still had to do her homework." [Time]
• Kevin Federline was seen chain-smoking for 20 minutes outside of a TGIFriday's while his girlfriend Victoria Prince sat inside by herself, fuming. Ah, l'amour. [E!]
• Clive Owen's daughter introduced him to her "half-boyfriend." "She tells me, 'Dad... I share him with a friend.' I still feel awful thinking about it." [Daily Express]
• Five seconds after Snoop Dogg learned how to stream live video from his home computer to his Twitter page, his first order of business was to light up a blunt and smoke it. Clearly. [TMZ]
• Why is someone spreading the rumor that Snoop Dogg has the dead body of his wife in his basement? [TMZ]
• Here is an in-depth review of Tori Spelling's new book, Mommywood, should you feel inclined. The title seems ill-conceived, no? Or like slang for the boner a MILF gives a dude? [CC2K]
• Michael Jackson is going to rent a little place while he's in the UK for his O2 concerts: It's a 28-bedroom manor on eight acres with an underground movie theater, indoor swimming pool and private lake. [Daily Mail]
• The daughter of Jennifer Saunders, from Absolutely Fabulous, says "I've never been Saffy." Well, duh. Instead she is a folk singer. [Daily Mail]
• Uh-oh: Sinbad and Dionne Warwick are on the list of California tax evaders. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Blind item! "Which sensual singer tells his girlfriends that although he's straight, he still receives oral pleasure from other men - then fumes when they suggest he's bisexual?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Due to the unfounded and ugly rumors that have appeared in the papers over the last few days, I felt they shouldn't pass without comment. Patti and I have been together for 18 years – the best 18 years of my life. We have built a beautiful family we love and want to protect and our commitment to one another remains as strong as the day we were married." —Bruce Springsteen, on the state of his marriage. Although it doesn't exactly read like a denial of an affair. [People]
• "Is Bethenny a socialite? No. Will she ever sit next to Lauren duPont? No. Is she best friends with Aerin Lauder? No. Am I? No. Do I care? No. Does she? Oh, absolutely. She's not authentic. All she does is sit there and cry all the time. I'm like, 'You're crying about guys? …shut up.'" — Kelly Killoren Bensimon, of the Real Housewives of New York City [Harper's Bazaar via Page Six
• "It sucked when I was goin' into the jail, and once I got in jail it became enjoyable again because there were some real fun cellmates. We were singin' songs." — Matthew McConaughey on being busted for possession of mary jane back in 1999. [Men's Journal via MSNBC Scoop]
• "At one point, I really started freaking out. I couldn't sleep, and [the director] was chasing me around with food, telling me that the prosthetics weren't fitting me and I was swimming in my fat suit, which was really ironic. I was miserable in my room just typing these manifestos [in my journal] but one day, I'll have them to look back on and see that I stuck with it and I'll be glad to know I had that level of discipline." — Drew Barrymore, on being immersed in her Grey Gardens character. [WSJ]
• "Marriage and babies? Please. I want to be illegal. I want to live outside the mainstream. These awful middle-class queens-which is what the gay movement has become-are so tiresome. It's all Abercrombie & Fitch and strollers. Everybody has the right to do what they want to do, but still... And I think this surrogacy thing is crap. It is utterly hideous. I think it's egocentric and vain. These endless IVF treatments people go through. I mean, if you are meant to have babies, then great. But this whole idea of two gay guys filling a cocktail shaker with their sperm and impregnating some grim lesbian and then it gets cut out is just really weird. If I did have the impulse to be a parent, I would adopt-or foster. But this whole thing of forcing the idea of parenthood and marriage on us gay men is so bogus." — Rupert Everett. [The Daily Beast]
• "Suddenly, you're the elder in the group. I have been doing this a long time, 25 years now. It's nice to feel that you're still relevant. People like Carol Burnett, Gilda Radner and Lily Tomlin were my role models. America always had really good, strong women in comedy. I love that." — Tracey Ullman, whose second season of State of the Union premieres Sunday on Showtime. [USA Today]
• "Until the banks get fixed, there is no other issue. I think this public-private partnership of [Treasury secretary Timothy] Geithner's will be effective. Evidently, the time for debating nationalization or backing the banks — which I thought would have been smart, just to say we're backing the banks, but I guess that would have made folks uncomfortable — has passed. So the private sector is in a pretty good spot here. Truth is, it's mostly, and maybe this is just a cover, us buying back our own bad paper from ourselves, but incenting [is that a word? -Ed.]the private sector to invest by giving them an incredibly good deal, if you believe, like Geithner seems to, that prices are only artificially depressed and really have much more value than what you can get for them now. But despite what you've read about me in the tabloids, I'm not an economist. But I do worry about what value all of these bad assets people keep talking about will have in the long term." — Ben Affleck, who plays a politician in State Of Play and did research by meeting with representatives like Anthony Weiner, Adam Smith, Rahm Emanuel, and Patrick Murphy. [WSJ]

MEGAN: So, did you hear? The DNC allowed Puerto Rico to switch from having a caucus on June 7th to having a primary on June 1st. This could be the first time candidates actually visit/give a crap about our remaining colonies. I have always been uncomfortable knowing we have colonies whose citizens are less than fully represented in our federal government. It seemslike that's why we had a war with England way back, right?

MOE: Yeah I grew up in DC so I'm kind of used to it.
I put it in the news roundup though.
The news roundup no one read because everyone was too busy watching THE HILLS.

Also the Puerto Ricans get that parade.

MEGAN: OMG, Ali Velshi on CNN likes doing stories about Facebook because then tons of people friend him afterwards.

MEGAN: I'm a little scattered this morning, I can't decide whether I should provide her with the attention by asking if you've seen the new Obama girl video in which she asks Hillary to stop attacking her man or if you've been reading Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's blog. The last entry he patiently explains whhy African-Americans don't trust our government. Also, that picture of Emmett Till always sorta makes me weepy.

MOE: Dude this Obama video is awesome
I stopped watching them.

MEGAN: I thought it was when I saw it last night, but it was 1 am and I'd been drinking. My taste is normally off but I was still kind of amused this morning.

Oh, yeah, I hadn't seen one in a while because it got annoying.

MOE: Right, they took their time on this one though. Also, whoever's voice that is is really good. Like wayyyyy better than Ashley Alexandra Dupre

MEGAN: Actually, it's Leah Kauffman, who is quite cute in her own right and that video I just linked is her asking Ann Coulter to "perfect" her, too, as she's Jewish. She talks about finally growing into her nose. I wish that had happened to me.

MOE: Sorry, I'm actually trying to post the video right now. It's so fun and timely! Um, what else is going on? All I've been hearing about is Sinbad. But here's an embarrassing revelation: I do not know exactly why Sinbad is famous. OR maybe he was never famous, which is why he was in Bosnia in the first place. And also, I was not aware Kareem Abdul Jabbar had a blog. I just feel so BEHIND.

MEGAN: Wait, whoa, like Sinbad, Sinbad?

MOE: Yeah, like, honestly, I always thought of him as that guy from A Different World

MEGAN: Me too!
Also, I'll link that shit.
I think I knew he was a comedian, though. But I feel like those USO shows are always second-string entertainers anyway. Sorry, Sinbad. I'm sure you're still funny. But you were no Dwayne Wayne.

MOE: No I knew he was a comedian, i mean I do not live under a rock, it's just that I ...well do you think Sinbad will plan a comedy tour on this basis?

MEGAN: Dude, this is literally the most I've thought about Sinbad in years. Like, possibly since he was on Hollywood Squares or something. Hopefully his agent is booking him on Larry King or something right now.
Ok, completely off-topic, but I went hunting for the video of that trip on CBS's site, and one of their most popular stories is Top 10 Reasons to Have Sex Tonight. Not one of them is because it's fun or because you want to. Stupid moralists at CBS. It's all like, it burns calories and relieves stress. Well, duh.

MOE: Oh fuck it boosts your immune system too?
And cancer risk, but I think that's the same thing.
Well that settles it.

MEGAN: We should have more sex?
I mean, not us together, but in general.

MOE: I am going to go get really desperate on behalf of my immune system. Tonight. Fuck intimacy issues; fuck celibacy in the name of mental well-being etc. etc. Masturbation is not going to save me from cancer.

MEGAN: Well, but only good sex. Bad sex makes you go, well, masturbation would've been a better call.
Masturbation saves you from really, really bad sex.
Sometimes.

MOE: Sad admission: I've been too lazy to masturbate lately. I'll get all revved up talking to some friend about, you know, the fallacy of a "soft landing" and the future of the dollar and the numerous problems the market can't solve, and I'll be on some sort of roll, and I'll be like, DYING to have sex, but there's no one around, and by the time I get all the way up my stairs I collapse on the couch and watch Jon Stewart. And it's kind of sad that even after watching Jon Stewart I'm not in the mood, but I'm not. I fell asleep on the couch instead. In my coat. I actually slept in my coat. Maybe it's just too cold to masturbate. Another good reason to have sex. Oh god, uhhhh, maybe we should address the troop surge right now? Like how the whole 4,000 deaths thing has put a damper on its "success"?
And by the way, Kareem Abdul Jabbar's blog about Emmitt Till is really sad. I didn't even know about that.
Or maybe I did; I have not had enough coffee. Again with the roommate.

MEGAN: Well, but, like, obviously, Moe, duh, most of those people died before the surge. And they volunteered, so it shouldn't really put a damper on our warmongeriness.

MOE: OH wow, an election in Zimbabwe. I think 900 troops have died post-Surge.

MEGAN: I am drinking my official beverage of hangovers: Crystal Lite.
Coffee will come later.
Well, I mean, there's elections, and then there are "elections" in Zimbabwe under Mugabe.

MOE: Yes. And RealClearPolitics linked to some commentary about what it means in the FT but I'm not a subscriber, although I suppose I ought to be. Shoulda taken the meds I guess. Is it a slow news day? Because this linking Bill Clinton with Joe McCarthy thing is kinda old, and yet it's apparently still a top meme, which I think means we're scraping the bottom of the barrel. Yesterday on CNBC they were talking a lot about the Taiwan elections, whose results were not at all a surprise nor did they have anything approaching the economic ramifications they were suggesting, but I'm thinking it was the same problem. When will we get some fucking news?

MEGAN: About Taiwan? Or in general?
The problem is that Obama's sunning himself in the Virgin Islands right now. It's hard to make big news in a media blackout, i guess.
On Zimbabwe, Mugabe raised the salaries of all the government employees to get them to vote for him but since they're broke and sanctioned, he's just printing the money. Who says no one will learn anything from the Fed bailout of Bear Sterns?

MOE: The big stories in the Post are the fact that the Indiana primary is now what everyone's got his eye on. It could be a fair fight! Okay, and then there's some noise in the Times as to whether Obama is too liberal to be a unifier. I'm gonna have to go with "if McCain is what represents the GOP right now, then yes; next question." And hahahaha re your Mugabe joke but oh, good lord, did you read about this book?

MEGAN: Um, that writer guy's kinda sexy. Also, it's probably not a universal African tribal myth New York Times reviewer Michiko Kakutani.
Zimbabwe's been a cluster fuck for years and it used to be a nice, relatively stable place until Mugabe thought he'd lose power and decided white Zimbabweans were the devil. Also, I hope his parents are still ok.
Godwin's, I mean. Because it's really not a safe place at all right now and the elections aren't going to help probably.

MOE: Wait! I forgot! We haven't talked about how David Paterson could get soooooooo much money for his memoir at this point OMG WTF his life just keeps getting more interesting.

MEGAN: A middle aged man did drugs in the 70s. The fact that such a thing is news means either there aren't a fuck of a lot of glass houses around or that people really like throwing stones anyway.

MOE: Huh weird, and on a final note, maybe Rev. Wright was right? In the spirit if not the letter of what he says. Some reader just sent this in, with the message, "don't let the haters get you down babe." Aw! The haters are actually what get me up in the morning! Well no, actually, coffee is what gets me up in the morning. AHEM.

MEGAN: Dude, I'll get on Ebay and have you a new grinder in a week.

Editor's Note: My roommate just went to Starbucks to buy me some coffee. She is a wonderful person to whom I am eternally grateful. Also, she took our commuter mugs so as to reduced our carbon footprint etc. I love coffee, and my roommate. And the Earth, we both love it.

• Yeah, how do we know when the this fucking nomination process has gone on too long? When the candidates' lives have not only been covered breathlessly in US Weekly, ostensibly dignified magazines like The New Republic have started co-opting their "if they mated" feature. [TNR]
  
• The Hillary campaign is now pinning its future on an "Electoral vote" strategy, basing her appeal to the conventioneers on the notion that she should win the nomination because she managed to win big states important to winning the electoral vote. Because California is in grave danger of voting for McCain over Obama? [NYT]
  
• Will her concession to Sinbad re the "sniper fire" mess up her chances? [NY Times]
  
• Speaking of comedians who are not Sinbad, this little Q&A with Tracey Ullman reminded me how much I missed Dave Chappelle. What's he up to? No performances I can find. [WSJ]
  
• New York risks losing as many as 20,000 finance jobs. I would be sad, but it's also sort of a "And at long freaking last they came for the bankers, and I didn't say anything because I had already spend much of my twenties unemployed kthanxbai" situation. Also, no industry finds fresh liquidity faster than finance, so, you know, they'll be back. [Reuters]

• Puerto Rico is switching from a caucus to a primary. I suppose this would ordinarily be bad for Obama, since the caucuses tend to favor him, except that no one expected him to win Puerto Rico? [NY Times]
• Dr. Phil hasn't given shit to Barack Obama despite the fact that he owes Oprah his life. Typical white person. [World Of Wonder]
• Will Hillary ever be "one of the cool kids"? Will this election ever move past high school? [Huffington Post]
• Black feminists try to sort out whether racism is harder for them than sexism and just when they find themselves leaning toward thinking it is, the sexism shows rears its pretty head again; it probably won't surprise you that this story is depressing. [Wash Post]
• Indicted Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Sent text messages on a beeper? [Detroit Free-Press]
• A few brave Han Chinese dissidents are getting jailed for openly calling for their government to open a dialogue with the Dalai Lama. [Wash Post]
• "November's election could be, for the first time in a very long time, a choice between two radically different visions of U.S. global engagement. "We want to have this debate with John McCain," a close Obama adviser says. "[Obama] will offer this clear contrast." [Prospect]
• Gene Weingarten discussed his epic piece on the 24-hour blogpundittalkradio culture we discussed in today's Crappy Hour in an online chat this morning and he agrees with that Ann Coulter is not for real and that the copy editors made a grave mistake in changing it to "douche bag." [Wash Post]