• After six months, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are moving to Germany. Maybe. But! "Friends" say there's tension. [Daily Mail]
• Award-winning journalist Christiane Amanpour says Renée Zellweger is "very smart about current affairs." That is an enviable endorsement. [NY Observer]
• Lindsay and Sam loved Tina Fey's Sarah Palin impersonation. [Page Six]
• Natalie Portman: Single again. She and Devendra Banhart will remain friends but need space. Perhaps his beard was coming between them. [In Touch, People]
• Sharon Stone still has custody of her son, whom she supposedly lost custody of earlier this month. Seems like the court clerk made some kind of error. [TMZ]
• Kelly Osbourne on Victoria Beckham and Jennifer Lopez: "I was directly across from them [at a show during Fashion Week]. I've never seen two people pretend to like each other more in my life. They were holding hands, but it looked like Victoria was holding a shitty bit of toilet paper!" [Mirror]

• Simon Cowell on finding out that Clay Aiken is gay: "Wow, that's a shock. It's like being told Santa Claus isn't real — unbelievable! I don't think anyone cares. Let's face it. It's 2008. You know, who cares?" [MSNBC]
• Here's another shocker: Clay Aiken's baby pictures had a bargain-basement price tag, nowhere near what People paid for the Jolie-Pitt spawn. [MSNBC]
• Rosie O'Donnell's reaction to Clay's gay news: "I love Clay. He is a beautiful man in every way." [Yahoo News]
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are supposedly in couples counseling. [Daily Mail]
• Queen Latifah's Rolls Royce has an Obama license plate. So elitist! [The.Life Files]
• Paul McCartney is in Israel, which banned the Beatles in 1965. But now the Army Radio news station has been playing the Beatles' greatest hits. Although pro-Palestinian groups have urged McCartney to boycott Israel, he's performing tonight for the first time. [LA Times]
• Paul McCartney has more Israeli security than when George Bush visits. [Mirror]
• Ashley Olsen is on vacation with her beau, Justin Bartha, in Las Vegas. They've been making out in clubs and catching shows and shacking up in the penthouse suite at Caesars Palace. Don't forget the Liberace Museum! It's totally cheesetastic. [E!]
• It's official: Johnny Depp wil be the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland. [Reuters]
• Bret Michaels went to a LensCrafters in Springfield, IL and was mobbed by fans for "about an hour." [UPI]
• Oprah has joined the cast of the Disney film The Princess And The Frog, which is the Mouse Co.'s first black princess movie. Maybe she'll keep it from being a total disaster? [Reuters]
• Lance Armstrong got advice from his ex-wife Kristin before coming out of retirement to do the Tour de France. "Quite frankly, if she had said, 'I don't support it,' or 'I'm not into it,' I wouldn't have done it," he says. [People]
• "Magician" David Blaine finished his recent stunt of hanging over Central Park. Yawn. [USA Today]
• We've seen this Angelina Jolie doll before but it never ceases to be scary. [Perez Hilton]
• Hugh Hefner's Girls Next Door desire different things: Kendra wants kids; Bridget wants a career on the Travel Channel; Holly says, "I want everything!" [E!]
• Hmm, this report says that Kendra is seeing Philadelphia Eagle Hank Baskett; Holly is dating Criss Angel and Bridget is seeing Nick Carpenter, Marisa Tomei's ex-boyfriend. [Page Six]
• Metal fans are complaining that Metallica's new album is too loud. [WSJ]
• Harry Connick Jr. saw some couple getting frisky in a hotel ballroom, so he played the piano for them. [Fox 411]
• Former Bachelorette Jen Schefft is engaged, not that you care. The dude looks a little like Joe Millionaire. [People]
• Steven Tyler is suing unknown bloggers who impersonated him on the Web. How do you sue people when you don't know who they are? [MSNBC]
• Legally Blonde: The Musical is closing, OMG you guys. [Variety]
• Will Smith is planning a prequel to I Am Legend, because that is what the world needs now. [Variety]
• Correction: What the world needs now is a Partridge Family remake. [Variety]
• Rachel McAdams joins the cast (Jude Law, Robert Downey Jr.) of Sherlock Holmes, directed by Guy Ritchie. [Reuters]
• Can Ali Lohan's floundering music career get some help from Johnny Wright, the man who worked with NSync, Justin Timberlake and the Jonas Brothers? [Page Six]
• Mariah Carey is the global ambassador for the Yum! Foundation's appeal to raise money for the United Nations World Food Programme. [Daily Express]
• Joan Rivers made Nazi jokes; AOL censored them. [Page Six]
• A family has dropped their lawsuit claiming that a hospital caused distress to a dying woman when they moved her to make room for Michael Jackson back in 2005. [Yahoo News]
• With Sunday's premiere, The Simpsons will tie Gunsmoke's record of 20 seasons on the air. [USA Today]
• "I didn’t want the perfume launch to be boring like Victoria Beckham’s, Kelly Brook and the others. I saw Victoria in pictures wearing the white dress with a kind of furry thing on the back and I just thought she’s on another night out. I had no idea she was supposed to be promoting her new perfume. She didn’t make any effort. She should have a bit more fun with it like I did. I envisaged a beach with a half-naked lady and that’s what I did. Now everyone has seen my new boobs, and I hope I’ve made the public happy." — Katie Price, the "glamour model" known as Jordan. [Mirror]
• "I'm only naked for about seven minutes in a show that runs about 2¼ hours." — Daniel Radcliffe, who is supposedly awesome in Equus. [USA Today]
• "I'm not too careful what I say. I'm old enough to have my opinions and if they’re not politically correct, then so be it." — Joan Collins. [Daily Express]
• "Giving kids whatever they want is disastrous parenting. There’s no sense of something earned. I’m sorry but when you’re 12 you don’t need a new mobile phone every few months just because a new one comes out. I’m not going to buy her the latest phone, I’m not going to buy her an iPod every time one comes out and I’m definitely not going to buy her a pony. As a result, my kids don’t want for very much. They’re not greedy. They’re wonderful, wonderful children. Saying No helps. That’s what parents don’t understand. If you want to produce really horrible, obnoxious kids, say Yes to them all the time." — Ewan McGregor. [Daily Express]
• "It is extraordinary to me that you can find $700 billion to save Wall Street and the entire [Group of Eight nations] can't find $25 billion to save 25,000 children who die every day of preventable disease and hunger. I presume these people [in the Bush administration] know what they're doing. Bankruptcy is a serious business. But this is moral bankruptcy." — Bono, weighing in on President Bush's bailout pan, at the Clinton Global Initiative. [Rush & Molloy]

• Barneys Creative Director Simon Doonan and designer Jonathan Adler were wed yesterday at City Hall in San Francisco! This article states that they "sealed the union with a spirited sprint down the glorious grand staircase." Mr. Doonan wore a Liberty print shirt, Barneys Co-op jeans, a Prada V-neck and a Thom Browne velvet jacket. Mr. Adler wore Barneys Co-op jeans, V-neck, a Fred Perry sweater, and Adidas sneakers. [SFGate, Photo by Thor Swift]
• If Prop. 8 passes in California, "it would be the first time in American history that an existing minority right would be taken away by the vote of a majority." The Christian conservatives are ahead, in terms of fundraising. Karen Ocamb's article indicates that Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O’Donnell, Sir Elton John and Melissa Etheridge have not donated to the cause to fight Prop 8, according to the California Secretary of State’s Campaign Finance website. Ocamb writes: "While their visibility as openly LGBT celebrities and entertainment power players is important, their financial absence from the specific fight to save the fundamental right of same-sex couples to marry is hurting." [In L.A. Magazine]
• Katie Holmes made her Broadway debut in All My Sons last night and Tom Cruise loved it. "It was extraordinary," he says. [Yahoo News]

• Heidi Klum is freaking out about hosting the Emmys on Sunday. She says: "I get nervous when so many people are looking at me. It’s live and you go on stage and no one asks questions. To go out and just talk is terrifying." Heidi, when it doubt, say "deezigners." Everyone loves that! [The Sun]
• BREAKING: Ivana Trump flew coach. [Page Six]
• Pink's song about heartbreak, "So What," is her first No.1 song on Billboard's Hot 100. She says the track is not entirely autobiographical, but the opening line is, "I guess I just lost my husband." (Watch the video!) [Yahoo News]
• Nicole Kidman speaks about her baby and her hubby! She says: "To be given the blessing of a child at this stage of my life was wonderful." She also claims she and Keith can't stand to be away from each other. "We start to hurt after seven days. I've never wanted to live my life apart from the person I love. If you're going to be with someone, you're with them, you’re committed to them. I'm not sort of flitting around. If I fall, I fall — that's it. We gently fell into each other. We were two lonely people who went, 'Ah, there you are.'" [The Sun]
• After shooting 30 Rock with Oprah, Tina Fey says: "I would like to announce that we are officially best friends." [Chicago Tribune]
• You know how Amy Poehler is getting her own show? Will Arnett will be on it! Her husband! [Onion AV Club]
• Justin Timberlake is planning on writing a song for his friend Ellen DeGeneres and her new bride Portia de Rossi. "I actually made them a promise and I'm gonna stick to it," he says. Let you whip me if I misbehave… [UPI]
• Simon Cowell uses so much Botox he can no longer scowl. He says: "To me, Botox is no more unusual than toothpaste. It simply works. You do it once a year — who cares?" Um, Simon, do you only brush your teeth only once a year?? [The Sun]
• George Clooney's character in Burn After Reading uses a sex ramp; apparently sales of this item are suddenly up. [Daily Express]
• Katherine Heigl earns about 22 times what her Grey's Anatomy costar Ellen Pompeo makes, thanks to her film career. (Other Grey's salaries are compared here, too.) [Portƒolio]
• Val Kilmer as the governor of New Mexico? Bill Richardson says yes! "I like the idea. Val Kilmer is a New Mexican; he was Batman. You know there have been successful actors going into politics." [Shakesville]
• Last night, Audrina Patridge maybe moved out of the house that she shared with Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth. Plus: Rumors are swirling that she's getting her own spin-off show. Please let JustinBobby be in it! [TMZ]
• Oooh the Jack White/Alicia Keys Bond theme! It's called "Another Way To Die." Listen here. [Concrete Loop]
• So you know how Robert Downey Jr. is going to play Sherlock Holmes in a flick directed by Guy Ritchie? Jude Law will play Watson. [Ain't It Cool]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali will do another 13 episodes of their cooking show; this time in Italy. [Perez Hilton]
• Contrary to reports, two of Paris Hilton's dogs were NOT eaten by a coyote. [Page Six, People]
• Pat O'Brien is leaving The Insider. [People]
• Ryan O'Neal's lawyer says: "Those were not Ryan's drugs, he doesn't use drugs." [People]
• Gary Coleman's lawyer says "he did nothing wrong." This comes after Coleman allegedly ran over a dude who tried to take his picture with a camera phone. [People]
• Janet Jackson's Rock Witchu tour: "Overloaded with blinding dazzle, pyrotechnics and gaudy style over substance. The myriad production numbers were reminiscent of a poor Vegas revue and emotionally distant, the band and backup singers bolstering her vocals hidden away, leaving one to wonder if some — or most — of it was prerecorded." [Reuters]
• Is Britney Spears getting special treatment for her driving without a valid license trial? [AP]
• Broke oil "heir" Brandon Davis owes money all over town. [Page Six]
• Is Kathy Griffin moving her Life On The D-List show from Bravo to some other network? [Page Six]
• Denise Richards' show: Getting canceled? [Page Six]
• Joan Prather of Eight Is Enough was arrested after dragging an L.A. County Sheriff's deputy down the Pacific Coast Highway with her car. [TMZ]
• China's Ugly Betty is not ugly enough. [Guardian]
• Speaking of Ugly Betty, America Ferrera says Henry and Gio will be back on Season 3. [EW]
• Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez: Officially divorced. That was quick! [TMZ]
• LL Cool J is pissed because Jessica Simpson's album beat his on the charts. [MSNBC]
• Ronnie Wood's estranged wife says: "I'm enjoying my new freedom." [The Sun]
• Ashton Kutcher doesn't know how to spell step-daughter Tallulah's name. [Perez Hilton]
• Does Playboy treat black women like crap? [TMZ]
• The Spice Girls have beaten Led Zeppelin for an award for the best music reunion. Girl powah! [BBC News]
• Tracy Chapman is releasing her first new album in years, and you can listen to a track here. [Perez Hilton]
• "I do believe in marriage… But I just think for me, it’s not a desperate kind of thing. In America it’s definitely something that seems to be a major goal with every woman – the big wedding day. I don’t need that. I want total commitment and spiritual connection, and I am lucky because that’s what I’ve got. One of the things that first attracted me to my boyfriend is his brain. He’s very well-read and really sexy to me. Brains are the most important thing to me, because I feel I lack them. I want them from the man I am with. I love a well-read man – that is such a turn-on." — Eva Mendes. [Mirror]

[West Hollywood, May 21. Image via Splash.]

• Mischa Barton claims she is a PhotoShop Of Horrors victim: A new batch of paparazzi beach shots showed her legs riddled with cellulite. "Those photos are doctored," Barton's rep, Lisa Perkins, says. "I'm not saying she's perfect, nobody is. But they've given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old." The pix were taken by the dude she's pissed at for snapping topless shots; the same one who ran Nicole Kidman off of the road. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• You can see the pictures here, with a regular paparazzi shot as well. Photoshop? [Daily Mail]
  
• Apparently Mariah Carey wanted a $3 million wedding with doves and orchids and Nick Cannon wanted to get married ASAP with no fuss. Mariah agreed because, as she has said, "We really do feel we are soulmates. I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me." Aww, that should be sweet but somehow it's fucking annoying. [Mirror]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen doing shots of tequila with Lauren Conrad! LL turned her back so no one would see; unfortunately she was facing a window and the whole bar could see her reflection. Whoops! [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Meanwhile: You know how Lindsay had finally gotten a movie role? In that Manson Girls flick? Well she's been kicked off of the project. Producers "discovered that they couldn't find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her," says Nikki Finke. [Deadline Hollywood via ONTD]

• It looks like officials in Malawi are all set to grant full adoption rights to Madonna. A document says: "Mr and Mrs Ritchie have shown a strong commitment in providing the infant with all essential needs like love, safe home environment, care, protection, material as well as emotional support." [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Simpson will be little sister Ashlee's maid of honor. At Ashlee's yet-to-be-scheduled wedding. [People]
• Jeremy Piven and Pink: Seen "all over each other" and "dancing really close." [Page Six]
• Alec Baldwin may want to switch careers. "In a matter of weeks, I'm going to be 50," he says. As long as he doesn't leave 30 Rock! [Page Six]
• Even though Tom Cruise told Oprah that he regrets his infamous argument on the Today show, Matt Lauer, Lauer says, "I don't think he needs to apologize. I don't feel there are any hard feelings. It was an interview. It was a good moment on television." Oh Matt. You're glib, Matt. Glib. [People]
• Jessica Alba challenges you to a staring contest. [People]
• Katie Holmes "has got the itch" to have another baby. Praise Xenu! [E!]
• Poor Uma Thurman may be in court again! Lancôme is suing Uma as a preemptive strike: Her contract as the face of the cosmetics company expired in 2005; yet her picture was seen in ads on Asian websites and on a Canadian billboard recently. [E!]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt get their locks lightened by the same colorist. News you can use. [E!]
• Josh Brolin as George W. Bush. [E!]
• Daisy Lowe, 19, is loving hanging out with new boyfriend Mark Ronson, 32. Sigh. [Daily Mail via ONTD]
• Um, Chloe Lattanzi, daughter of Olivia Newton-John and contestant on Rock The Cradle, seems to have had quite a bit of collagen injected into her lips. And maybe a nose job. [ONTD]
• When Simon Cowell was a teenager, he hated school so much he was practically suicidal. He says, "I was so bored. I didn't like rules or discipline. So when someone said, 'These are the best days of your life' I actually thought about jumping off a bridge." [Mirror]
• Foxy Brown pleaded guilty to "menacing" a woman with her BlackBerry in 2007 and thereby avoided going on trial for assault. Time for a kinder, gentler Foxy! [Reuters]
• There is audio of the domestic violence 911 call involving Vanilla Ice, if you care to hear it. [The Superficial]
• Madonna is endorsing secondary ticket sales for her upcoming tour, which means if at first it seems like it's sold out, it might not be — if you have the cash. [Financial Times]
• Ashton Kutcher slept around before he met Demi Moore, surprise, surprise. [The Sun]
• Daniel Depp got his debut novel published, maybe because he is Johnny Depp's (half) brother? [Independent]
• Hot hottie Gary Dourdan of CSI has been charged with felony drug possession. Maybe I'm old but I remember him best as the gorgeous man in the Janet Jackson video. [Yahoo News]
• Rihanna kissing Chris Brown at KFC! LOL! [Concrete Loop]

• Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and all of their kids have hit the French Riviera. They're staying in a villa owned by Microsoft's Paul Allen that has breathtaking views of the Mediterranean Sea. A source says: "They love France and will now be here until after the babies are born and Angie is looking at Marseille hospitals as a potential place to give birth." [E!]
  
• These rumors about Mariah Carey marrying Nick Cannon will not die. Could they possibly be true??? [People]
  
• Gossip Girl gossip: Girl-on-girl action is on its way! [Perez Hilton]
  
• Plus! Lisa Loeb will make a cameo on Gossip Girl, playing a socialite. Hee! [LA Times]
  
• Paula Abdul spaced out or went cuckoo or something on American Idol. You can watch it here. [EW]

• Gwyneth Paltrow has broken her toes 30 times. She says: "I don't know what's wrong with me. Say there's a coffee table that's been there eight years. One day I'll just not know it's there and bash into it and break my toe." Is her macrobiotic diet giving her brittle bones or something? [Mirror]
• Gwyneth was also seen visiting a back specialist. And yet! She wears high-ass heels on the red carpet. [Daily Mail]
• Another story about Charlie Sheen and hookers, yawn. Although: His silk robe with"C. MaSheen'" embroidered over the pocket? Nice touch. [Page Six]
• Britney's brother Bryan Spears is dating actress Ivana Milicevic. You've seen her, she's been on TV and in a bunch of movies. [Page Six]
• Britney was seen walking around a spa in just her towel? Not sure why this is news. [The Sun]
• Newly sober Kirsten Dunst has been taking her All Good Things costar, Ryan Gosling, with her to 12-step meetings. But are they more than just costars? [Page Six]
• Dina Lohan: Seen "dancing, drinking and playing with her hair extensions." [Page Six]
• A judge has dismissed Ron Burkle's lawsuit against Italian businessman Raffaello Follieri, aka Anne Hathaway's boyfriend. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "What notoriously stingy actress buys books at her neighborhood Barnes & Noble downtown, only to try to exchange the dog-eared copies days later for cash?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Mario Lopez and Karina Smirnoff have not, repeat, NOT broken up. You may now return to your regularly scheduled apathy. [People]
• My Name Is Earl star Jason Lee is expecting a baby with girlfriend Cenren Alkac. Lee has a 4-year-old son, Pilot Inspektor, with his ex. So what kind of name will this kid get? [People]
• The title of the season finale of The Office is called "Goodbye, Toby." Plus: Spinoff rumors! [E!]
• Rapper T.I.: Has a new single, is hot. [ONTD]
• Diddy is hosting a $4 million "mega-party" to celebrate getting his name on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. David Beckham is helping him. Diddy will have 10 private jets; five different custom-made Sean Jean outfits, including a tux, a smoking jacket, and a top hat and tails; $400,000 worth of booze; and goodie bags with his own damn perfume in them. [Mirror]
• A former UCLA Medical Center hospital worker has been indicted in Federal charges for the theft of medical records of celebs like Farrah Fawcett, Maria Shriver and 60 others. She accepted $4,600 from "an unnamed national media outlet" for the info. [Reuters]
• Is Amy Winehouse leaving her record label? [The Sun]
• There is video proof that Ashley Dupre agreed to be filmed for Girls Gone Wild. [Yahoo News]
• Is Ashlee Simpson returning to reality TV? [MSNBC]
• Grammy-winning singer Mya was scheduled to being performances in Chicago on Broadway, but she's broken her foot! Sucks. [Playbill]
• "We pray for Brody. Honestly, Brody was such a good friend to me. He hooked Heidi and I up, and I think that everything will work out eventually. I wish that Brody and I were still best friends, I pray every day that everything works out between us." — Spencer Pratt. [People]
• Uma Thurman's parents testified in court yesterday regarding her stalker case. Uma's mom said she believed the stalker, Jack Jordan, "was someone who would benefit from medical attention." [AP]
• Vanilla Ice is off the hook for domestic battery charges because his wife recanted her original statement. [Yahoo News]
• Simon Cowell pays no attention to smoking bans. "He lights up where he likes - and pays the fine if he has to," says a source. [The Sun]
• Edie Falco battled breast cancer in 2003 but never told any of her Sopranos costars. [Page Six]
• SO MANY blind items from Michael Musto! "What hyper-quirky stage actor (who's also known for movies and TV) does lots of coke and has sex in club bathrooms when the boyfriend's at home? What fashion-magazine editor—no, not the obvious one—still has no idea how to use the Internet? (She has to have e-mails read aloud to her and then dictates the reply.) What current anchor is said to have been lesbian lovers with that unhinged late anchor, according to ancient legend? Which female rocker best known from the '70s and '80s recently got so plowed she blew chunks all over a nightclub? Which star who went from Hollywood hotshot to joke to rebounding talent has an impressively large member to go with his award? What longtime r&b singer was spotted in Harlem, where she told a fan who accosted her: 'If you ain't the crack man, don't come near me!'? Which legendary actor's bisexual father is murmured to have died of AIDS, not of "cancer," as the family officially reported? Which scandal-ridden ex-TV personality would have gotten a gay record deal, but he wouldn't come out of the closet? Shouldn't someone say, 'Who do you think you are?' Which star who denies being gay used to give so-so head and has a penis that's even less than four and a half inches? What famous grandson is so delightfully kinky he recently lodged M&Ms up his butt, turning his hole into a veritable McFlurry of sexual delight? (Alas, they melted before they could be of any use.) About which talk-show host's supposed girlfriend was Rosie O'Donnell heard to say: 'Look at her nails! She could never be a lesbian with those nails!'?" [Village Voice]

[Las Vegas, April 10. Images via Splash.]

• Authorities have beef with Shia: A warrant has been issued for the arrest of Mr. LaBeouf — he got a ticket in February for unlawful smoking and never showed up in court. Whoops! [TMZ]
  
• Those Kristin Davis photos? Real! Snapped in 1992 by an ex-boyfriend. [TMZ]
  
• Ethan Hawke: Not over Uma? He recently sang a song at the 24-Hour Plays event with lyrics like "My wife hates me," and "My wife is a big fat beast." WTF. [New York Magazine]
  
• Oh, no. A feud has broken out in Heath Ledger's family regarding his estate. Heath's uncles are not happy that Heath's father, Kim, is in charge of the money — since when Heath's grandfather died 15 years ago, Kim was removed as executor of the estate after mishandling and mismanaging the assets. Messy, and sad. [People]
  
• Does Amy Winehouse really have impetigo? It could also be MRSA! A doc who doesn't treat Amy says she "should not be coming into close contact with other people while she has open sores," blerg. [TMZ]

• Um, Bryan Adams wrote a song about Amy Winehouse. The lyrics to "Flower Grown Wild" go thusly: "Amid the stars and the bars, the pimps and pills... The picture faded and the day was done, went home to nothin' but a loaded gun... She may look like a lady, but she's a flower grown wild... Nobody saw the tears in your silk and lace, the scarred little kid behind your face." [Mirror]
• As previously reported, Halle Berry has named her daughter Nahla Ariela Aubry. Nahla means "honeybee" in Arabic, sez a professor (yesterday we heard it meant "drink of water"). Possible schoolyard taunts: Nuh-uh, nah-nah, nah-nah-nah-I-can't-hear-you. [People]
• Tina Fey insinuates that Jon Stewart prompts applause with a sign. "My friend Seth Meyers coined the term 'clapter,' which is when you do a political joke and people go, 'Woo-hoo.' It means they sort of approve but didn't really like it that much. You hear a lot of that on [whispers] The Daily Show.'" [Page Six]
• Sopranos star and singer Dominic Chianese wants to do a duet with Madonna? Bada bing. [Page Six]
• Even though Heather Mills got a hefty divorce settlement, she's looking to sell her story — and some photos and tape recordings — for $2 million. Any takers? [Page Six]
• Director Anthony Minghella, who died yesterday, praised Jill Scoott in the new issue of Vogue. Minghella directed Scott in upcoming flick The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency and said: "She is extremely stellar. I think she can be a real star." [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan refused to walk the red carpet of an event until organizers took down a backdrop with Paris Hilton's name on it. Plus: The star "pitched a hissy fit" on the set of a Visa commercial because someone served her a burrito. "She doesn't eat on shoots," he rep says. Eyeroll. [Rush & Molloy]
• Also acting like a diva: Kim Kardashian, who wouldn't pose for photos at a NYC club until she received $5,000. Effing hell. [Rush & Molloy]
• Beyoncé didn't greet fans on the set of Cadillac Records, the Etta James movie, because it was raining and she had to preserve her hairdo. Priorities! [Rush & Molloy]
• "I'm a big Obama supporter." — Ryan Phillippe. [Rush & Molloy]
• Topless pictures of Audrina from The Hills! "I took these photos years ago when I was just out of high school and beginning to model. I was young and very trusting of others and I didn't know to protect myself," she says. So she dressed up like a naughty schoolgirl... from the waist down. [TMZ]
• Kirstie Alley has signed a deal with Oprah's production company to develop TV projects. Cheers! [People]
• In court Tuesday, Howard K. Stern denied giving Daniel Smith, Anna Nicole's son, drugs. He also claimed to be shocked drugs were found in Daniel's system: "He wasn't that kind of kid." [E!]
• Minnie Driver wants to have a water birth at home in Malibu. [Mirror]
• Lily Allen has moved in with a new man! The guy is a producer named Robertson Furze and Lily seems to be happy so good for them. [The Sun]
• Jamie Spears' plan to save Britney's life is obviously about getting her finances in order. "If Britney never goes back to work, there is no reason she and her kids shouldn't be able to live a very comfortable life with the kind of money she has in the bank," says a source. But! She doesn't have as much as people think! "Those figures of $100 million or more were so off the mark," an insider says. It's more like $40 mil, sigh. [MSNBC]
• Simon Cowell paid off the mortgage for the family of a little girl with cancer. "I'm her guardian angel," Simon said. It's easy to snark on the stoopid stuff but when good things happen, what are you supposed to say? [Mirror]
• William Baldwin's wife, Chynna Phillips, puts her underwear on his head when they have sex so she knows where they are when they're done. Romantic! And practical. [The Sun]

• Oscar winner Marion Cotillard has conspiracy theories! She questions the attack on the World Trade Center towers: "We see other towers of the same kind being hit by planes. There was a tower, I believe it was in Spain, which burned for 24 hours. It never collapsed. None of these towers collapsed. And there (in New York), in a few minutes, the whole thing collapsed." Plus! She doubts Neil Armstrong! "Did a man really walk on the moon? I saw plenty of documentaries on it, and I really wondered," she says. "I don't believe all they tell me, that's for sure." [Variety]
  
• Are Britney and Adnan Ghalin dunzo? Did she throw his iPhone into the pool after finding "saucy" texts from another woman? [The Sun]
  
• Jennifer Lopez has indeed, as previously reported, named her twins Max and Emme. A reader points out that those were the names of the kids in the cartoon Dragon Tales. WTF? [CNN, YouTube]
  
• Colin Farrell is hooked on Russian steam baths. "There's something very basic about rubbing honey on your skin and going steaming with a bunch of strange Russian men," he says. Well, it's healthier than drugs and alcohol, for sure. [UPI]

• Jamie Lynn Spears' unborn kid is prolly a boy. Hopefully we won't be named Casey Lynn. [MSNBC]
• A new photography show features the tattoos of Lindsay Lohan. Highbrow! [Page Six]
• Family drama! Atonement star James McAvoy hasn't spoken to his father, James McAvoy Senior, in 21 years. And his 18-year-old half-brother, Donald, is in the clink for stabbing a man eight times. [Daily Mail]
• Simon Cowell doesn't believe in marriage, for financial reasons. "The truth is that you get married and in a year or two they clean you out! We have contracts with artists that are 120 pages long and last five years. Then you go into marriage with no contract and the laws are a thousand years old." [Mirror]
• Oh, and Simon was offered a million dollar deal to be the "face" of Viagra. His response: "Sorry, but that has to be a fucking insult." [The Sun]
• What??? A plot to kill Mick Jagger??? Oh... In 1969. [USA Today]
• Aussie model Gemma Ward, who was linked to Heath Ledger, says, "He told me to always be a punk and 'stand up for yourself.'" [Sydney Morning Herald]
• One of Paris Hilton's dogs is "mating" with the Yorkie of Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson. [Gatecrasher]
• While filming The Other Boleyn Girl, Scarlett Johansson was voted the world's sexiest woman by a men's mag. Some of the crew said she looked more like a grungy teenager; Scarlett heard and "lost her temper." Who could blame her? [UPI]
• Meanwhile, Scarlett is offering herself up on eBay; a night with her is being auctioned off for Oxfam. [Mirror]
• Paris Hilton has been seen hanging out with a "bearded guru." [Mirror]
• The spirit guide blessed a necklace Paris was wearing and then advised her to give it away, so some chick at Urth Cafe was the lucky recipient. [TMZ]
• Blind item! "Which single-ish A-list actor is back to his old ways since splitting with his wife? He was seen handing off a suspicious-looking vial to a hard-partying TV thesp who is about to hit the big screen." [Gatecrasher]
• Fall Out Boy Pete Wentz is opening a punk-themed unisex beauty parlor in his native Chicago, so everyone can be flatironed into oblivion. Joy! [Rush & Molloy]
• Jason Davis, brother of Mischa Barton's ex, Brandon Davis, was arrested for cocaine possession over the weekend. [TMZ]
• Mark Ronson is DJing Suri Cruises' 2nd birthday party? Seriously? [TMZ]
• Sophie Monk has released a statement: "Benji Madden did not leave me for Paris Hilton." Hmm, we never thought that, but whatever. Also: Paris has a new ring on her "engagement finger," is it from Benji? [People]
• Now that the writers' strike is over, Eva Longoria-Parker is getting back in shape, because apparently the pregnancy rumors stemmed from her gaining weight. Except she is plenty thin! What is wrong with people? [People]
• Prince Harry, back home from Afghanistan: "I wouldn't say I'm a hero. here were two injured guys who came back on the plane with us who were essentially comatose throughout the whole way. One had lost two limbs — a left arm and a right leg — and another guy who was saved by his mate's body being in the way but took shrapnel to the neck. Those are the heroes. Those were guys who had been blown up by a mine that they had no idea about, serving their country, doing a normal patrol." [People]
• Rapper Juvenile is "shocked and devastated" after learning that his 4-year-old daughter, her mother and another child were shot dead in their home in Lawrenceville, GA. [MTV News]
• Miley Cyrus and her dad are on the cover of a magazine called Cowboys & Indians. [ONTD]
• A judge dismissed part of actress Hunter Tylo's lawsuit against her late son's therapist. Her 19-year-old son drowned last October and Tylo sued the therapist, who had counseled the family. [UPI]
• Vanessa Williams and ex-husband Rick Fox were making the rounds Saturday, helping their daughter sell Girl Scout Cookies. [Concrete Loop]
• American Idol reject Robbie Carrico swears his hair is not a wig or weave. "I've been growing this hair for a very long time," Carrico says. Perhaps it's time to cut it off? [People]
• Mariah Carey on the cover of Allure! [The.Life Files]
• Will Ferrell's new flick was a dud at the box office, making a mere $15.3 million. [Reuters]

The Good:
Elisabeth Rohm looks so pretty while pregnant! Also seems comfy in her equally pretty dress.
Jane Kaczmarek keeps it classy in a purple column.
I love January Jones' minimalist and playful dress. This is the exact right way to wear white.
Simon Cowell's main squeeze/Extra correspondent Terri Seymour kept it classy.

The Bad:
Angelica Huston: You are one of the greatest actresses of our time. Not a Vegas showgirl.
Did no one alert Christina Hendricks that her shapeless blob of a dress was the same shade as her skin?
This pattern and cut fails to flatter Ginnifer Goodwin.
If this were Project Runway, Nina Garcia would say that thought she liked the concept of Natasha Henstridge's dress, the execution was poor and the end-result cheap-looking. And I would agree with her.

The Ugly:
Remember that "disco hair-cutting smock" that Ricky made on the Project Runway wrestling challenge? How did Kristen Chenoweth get her hands on it?

[All images via Bauer-Griffin]

• Two weeks after they exchanged vows at a "spiritual" ceremony in Bora Bora, Tracey Edmonds and Eddie Murphy have indeed split. The two will "remain friends" and since they never had a legal US wedding, Eddie — who acted like a bit of an asshole to Tracey — won't have to pay any alimony. [People]
  
• Cops were called to the home of Britney Spears last night, but not for the pop star! Several photographers were arrested for reckless driving. Seriously, it's all fun and games until someone gets nailed by an SUV. Or has a nervous breakdown. [Perez Hilton]
  
• According to a poll, 51% of people think that Britney should be able to see her kids a few times a week. Only 1% wanted Britney to get full custody. Was that 1% one person? And was that one person Britney? [Reuter]
  
• Kevin Federline's lawyer says Kevin knows how difficult the custody situation is on the kids — and their mother. "It's a sad situation. There's no victorious feeling." Isn't it amazing how he's become the one to sort of trust and admire? [People]

• Uh-oh! Blake Fielder-Civil is livid with wife Amy Winehouse and has said "I want a divorce." Will she lose her man? Also: She doesn't have a pre-nup, crap. [Perez Hilton]
• Jeremy Piven has a crush on Dita Von Teese! The Entourage star sent two satin mini dresses to the burlesque queen, awww. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which talented singer/guitar player seems to have forgotten he's married with children? He's been spotted entering and exiting a building in Battery Park City where he spends the night with a beautiful record company executive." [Page Six]
• Clint Eastwood is suing Palliser Furniture company for creating a chair called "The Eastwood." The estate of Marlon Brando is also suing; the chair company claims The Brando chair was named after a town in Corsica — and yet they also have seats named after Charles Bronson, James Cagney and Sean Connery. [E!]
• "He was uncomfortable with the side effects of stardom. There was a sadness in his eyes for someone so young, and he always had an air of trouble around him." — a friend of the late Brad Renfro. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which rising actor with a celebrity girlfriend has been sending 'dirty, flirty' texts to a slew of young ladies in Hollywood? At least that's the gossip." [Gatecrasher]
• Is Sienna Miller to blame for the break between Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn? [Rush & Molloy]
• Simon Cowell denies he got a a "tit job" on his man boobs. "I've tried to cut out red meat, biscuits, cakes and desserts and I eat a lot of fruit," he says. [MSNBC]
• Ike Turner's death was indeed a cocaine overdose, though the singer had a long history of cardiovascular disease and emphysema. [Reuters]
• Faith Hill is recovering from knee surgery — she injured it playing softball in high school. Who knew she was sporty? [AP]
• Foxy Brown is hoping for early release from prison as she slowly goes deaf. "I am terrified of not hearing a fire alarm go off, or being locked in a cell, and someone not being kind enough to let me out, since not everyone understands the severity of my condition," she wrote in a letter. [E!]
• Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker is suing Rockstar energy drink company for publishing a photo of him holding a can of the product. What's with all these companies trying to exploit celebs? [USA Today]
• Liz Hurley pregnant? The 42-year-old has a "bump." Ugh, to be a star and have everyone staring at your stomach all the time. Must suck. [Daily Express]

[Barbados, December 17. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Paris Hilton is heading to Rwanda in November. "There's so much need in that area, and I feel like if I go, it will bring more attention to what people can do to help," Hilton says. [E!]
  
• But until she gets there she'll be dancing on banquettes with her Swedish boy toy — they hit three parties in New York on Monday. [Page Six]
  
• Renée Zellweger surprised a random makeup lady with gift-wrapped Manolo Blahniks. Does this mean we have to like Renée now? [Page Six]
  
• Pamela Anderson: Partying every night, despite the hepatitis C? Could it be boyfriend Rick Salomon's fault? [Page Six]
  
• Nicole Richie: Pregnant, in a hot tub. That's a no-no! [The.Life Files]

• Cute actor Josh Lucas: Born on an Indian reservation, hence the nickname, "Easy Dent." [Page Six]
• OMG is Miss J Alexander giving out spoilers for America's Next Top Model? Do not click the link if you don't want a hint about who wins! [Page Six]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs just closed New York restaurant Justin's, but hopes to reopen in a larger space. We totally forgot he had a restaurant. [Page Six]
• British Foreign Secretary David Miliband has set up a meeting with Angelina Jolie in New York this week to discuss "global diplomacy." Sure, dude. Try not to stare. [Gatecrasher]
• Richie Sambora is in the same rehab as Lindsay Lohan. He's her type, right? Older? [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]
• Cameron Diaz on former Diddy-umbrella holder Fonzworth Bentley: "His style is flawless and his etiquette is impeccable." WTF. [Gatecrasher, 3rd from bottom]
• Blind item! "Which high-fashion designer uses a wingman to lure young gents back to his NYC apartment with the instructions to get them drunk enough to seduce and then disappear?" [Gatecrasher. last item]
• Sarah Silverman says her Britney jokes at the MTV Awards were "innocuous" and that she doesn't "want to get into feuds with girls half my age. I'm in it to be funny and not for the drama." [Yahoo News]
• Mixed-race Halle Berry has received racist threats intended for her unborn mixed-race baby. Sigh. [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell saved a life! He told an X Factor contestant she had a strange rasp in her voice. She went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a potentially fatal lung disease! Next will he check on Amy Winehouse? [Mirror]
• Kate Moss: Holed up with new man Jamie "Hotel" Hince from The Kills, had sex for hours, emerged and announced, "We're engaged!" [Daily Mail]
• That Charlie Sheen vs. Denise Richards custody battle now has a former nanny involved, who says Sheen may or may not have inappropriately touched the "molees" and "tushys" of his kids. Uh, what? [Rush & Molloy, 2nd item]
• Karrine "Superhead" Steffans' The Vixen Diaries spills all on Jamie Foxx, Bobby Brown, Mike Tyson and uh, Bill Maher. [Rush & Molloy]
• More Oscar de la Hoya in lingerie pictures are floating around. Yawn. [Rush & Molloy, 3rd item]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopted! A pitt bull. Named Lennie. [TMZ]
• Bachelor star Charlie O'Connell and his reality TV girlfriend, Sarah Brice: Splitsville. [TMZ]
• Usher and new wife Tameka Foster are going to have a boy, who will probably be named Usher. [People]

• Heath Ledger: continuing his "Michelle who?" tour by being seen making out with model Helena Christensen. [Page Six]
  
• Heath was also seen getting the digits of a "waifish 6 ft blond" who was David Blaine's date. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Stuart Townsend on Charlize Theron: "There's no big official story on a wedding, but we are married. ... I consider her my wife and she considers me her husband." [People]
  
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline met at her lawyer's office yesterday — Jayden's first birthday and five days before they're due in family court. Britney was to end the "public debacle" but Kevin "needs more money." Sigh. [People]
  
• Even wildlife live in fear of Naomi Campbell: She has plans to open a five-star casino and hotel on the Indian Ocean — which marine experts say will have a negative effect on the sea turtle population. [Page Six]

• Bouncers "escorted" James Garfunkel, the "skinny" 16-year-old son of Art Garfunkel, out of the fashion week tents right before the Anna Sui show for reasons no one seems to know. [Page Six]
• Viggo Mortensen fans should be sure to check out his new flick Eastern Promises, in which he is naked in a steam room for ten minutes while fighting off knife-wielding killers. [Page Six]
• Carmen Electra "performed" at a 2(x)ist fashion week show, but only one person was allowed to take pictures: Her manager's brother (who is a photographer). Makes sense. [Gatecrasher]
• Justin "Hi, I'm a Mac" Long: Seen drunk and spilling stuff on himself, yawn. [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• You've hear this before, but a source at Diddy's party — 12 hours before the show — says Britney Spears was so drunk "she couldn't stand." [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]
• Blind item! "Which white-hot young actor had to be asked by a Los Angeles nightclub manager to at least take his cocaine to the bathroom if he was going to do it in the middle of the club?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• LL Cool J thinks Kid Rock and Tommy Lee should brawl on pay-per-view. We'd watch. [Rush & Molloy ]
• Simon Cowell thinks Britney Spears can "turn it around." [TMZ]
• Foxy Brown, despite what she told the New York Post, is not pregnant. [TMZ]
• Christina Aguilera is pregnant, but you already knew that. [OK!]
• Is Jennifer Lopez pregnant? [The Sun]
• Pete Doherty, football team manager? [TheSun]

• Paris Hilton spoke to Barbara Walters from jail and we will be watching The View in two hours to hang on to Barbara's ev-uh-wee word. [ABC News]
  
• Madonna and JFK Jr. abstained from having sex with each other. Because they didn't have condoms, and AIDS still killed celebrities in those days. [Page Six]
  
• Princess Diana was a Mean Girl to Fergie, had the "attention span of a fruit fly," and Camilla didn't even really love Charles as much as her first husband. [MSNBC]
  
• Just heard on Fox & Friends from a caller regarding The Sopranos finale: "I'm glad you're focusing on this topic a little more than Paris today." [Washington Post]
  
• Dina Lohan visits daughter Lindsay in rehab, but only as an excuse to miss a court date. Jail = so good for a career these days! [People]
  
• Jennifer Aniston is like two degrees of sex-aration from Posh Spice. [Mirror]
• The Clay Aiken message boards are totally flaming. [Page Six]
  
• Ryan Seacrest blames American Idol's ratings drop on an "oversaturation" of judge Simon Cowell. After Seacrest's soliloquy in Knocked Up, we pretty much agree with everything he says. [MSNBC]
  
• Dennis Quaid's surrogate mother (wife?) is carrying twins. [People]

• George Soros and Queen Noor are friends with benefits. For the uninitiated, she's the widow of the late King Hussein of Jordan; he made billions in this huge mindfuck of a bet against the British pound in the '80s and now uses the money for good, sort of like Angelina Jolie, but, you know, with three more zeroes in his bank account. [Rush & Molloy]

• Reps at the NYC hotspot Tenjune insist they did not serve Lindsay Lohan any alcohol recently. Think they might be sick of her enough by now that it's actually true? [Rush & Molloy]

• The widow of Dr. Atkins lives in fear of psychotic dieters angry about their smelly pee, failure to reach ketosis. Yeah, no, not really, but we'd probably be paranoid all the time too if we were still afraid of eating root vegetables. {Page Six]

• American Idol contestant caught in liplock with Simon Cowell calls a certain body part "soft" and "thin." Yeah, we're stretching it a bit. [People]

• Drew Barrymore fights world hunger, saves money by drinking at dive bars in D.C. We don't know why she's in D.C., since we're pretty sure the U.N. is around the corner from us, but now that Angelina's is suddenly committed to fucking Brad again one of the most beautiful people in the world had to pick up the slack! [Washington Post]

It's interesting to think what Simon Cowell would have made of Britney Spears, if instead of her being a child-star/teen pop sensation/bloodied piece of roadkill, she'd emerged as an adult contestant on American Idol. We think she'd have made it to the final, but been booted off early on for having no soul. Much like Taylor Hicks. Oh, wait a minute.....

But it's also interesting that most of the American Idol stars have so far remained relatively untainted by celebrity excess (Get OFF the damn web-cam, or it's bed with no dinner for you, Clay!), and perhaps Simon is the reason why. The ever down-to-earth impresario explains why he has no patience with celeb rehab addicts like Britney and Robbie Williams - because they just don't know how lucky there are. Who knew?

But he does reveal his management plan for any AI star looking for the sympathy drug vote (pay attention Justin Guarini, we think you're gonna need this info in the future):

"I would make it compulsory that they have to go and live in a developing country for a couple of weeks. And then when you get home, as your butler is opening your curtains and making sure your bath water is the right temperature, you'll realise everything is fine."

In other news, the St Angelina Jolie Clinic catering to drug-addled starlets is due to open in Ethiopia any day now, with a free baby for every successful rehab. Does that woman ever stop caring?

[Simon Cowell blasts Britney] Daily Mirror