• Barack Obama has picked a theme for his inauguration: "A New Birth of Freedom." It comes from the Gettysburg Address, so it's not quite as cheezy as it sounds. [Huffington Post]
• Besides Rahm Emanuel, Robert Gibbs has reportedly accepted an offer to be the White House Press Secretary and David Axelrod has accepted a slot as Senior Adviser. [Politico, ABC]
• In the most intriguing appointment speculation, though, former Senator and Vietnam veteran Max Cleland — who lost to never-done-served Saxby Chambliss in 2002 when Chambliss ran ads calling veteran and amputee Cleland unpatriotic — may be appointed to be the new Army secretary. In other news, Chambliss will likely face a runoff in December to hold the Senate seat he doesn't deserve anyway. [Politico]
• Bush is also going to make sure (supposedly) that the Obama camp has a say in who gets the permanent staff positions overseeing the Treasury's bailout of our economy. [Politico]

• The Associated Press has finally called North Carolina for Obama. North. Fucking. Carolina. [Washington Post]
• And the Oregon Senate race has gone to the Democratic challenger, Jeff Merkley. Joe Lieberman is really sweating now. [Politico]
• And it looks like even the White House press corps — which is normally white enough to justify the name of the building — will be getting more diverse as white bureau chiefs recognize that maybe, just maybe, diversity can have actual benefits in terms of bringing multiple points of view into one's news coverage. [Politico]
• Everyone in Illinois, Delaware and D.C. are jockeying to put forth candidates to fill the soon-to-be-vacant Senate seats there. [NY Times]
• In what will likely become quite a bit of Republican jockeying, Republican Minority Whip Roy Blunt is putting down his whip and walking away from House Republican leadership — and so is Republican Conference Chairman Adam Putnam. Expect retirement announcements some time in 2009, once htey make sure Republican lobbyists can still make money. [Politico, Reuters]
• Spencer Ackerman thinks that part of the Republican jockeying will be neocons seeking to fill the (reportedly very) empty vessel of "Sarah Palin" full to the brim with all their foamy, war-loving anti-intellectual spooge. Only it sounds less porn-y when he says it. [Washington Independent]
• Los Angeles police vow to be prepared today for the protests by the LGBT community and its supporters over the fact that half the state thinks it is a good idea to rescind some of their civil rights. I guess they've decided to exercise one of them while they still have it. [LA Times]
• Eliot Spitzer will not be charged with the crime of whoremongering across state lines since he didn't sue campaign funds to pay the sex workers he employed. Somehow, we think this is probably cold comfort to Silda Spitzer, if she actually wasn't rooting for an indictment. [LA Times]
• And, apparently, the whole "peaceful transition" in Russia was just a ruse for Vladimir Putin to snap his fingers and change the law so he can be back in office next year. Oh, that's gonna work out well. [NY Times]

There's another story about John Edwards in yesterday's Daily News, about how he's been calling former staffers and asking for forgiveness for his tawdry business with Rielle Hunter. When we asked Philip Nobel about his research assistant fucking ways, he asked to be "to be treated as an individual case." And here's the thing with both Edwards and Nobel and many other cheating spouses: they've taken for granted the rights and feelings of another individual, with their public philandering... their wives. Their actions did not take place in a vacuum. And even if I could muster some sympathy for a man trapped in a bad marriage or a marriage that made him unhappy, I can never ever feel bad for someone who has forced another person, willing or not, to deal with it in public. And as the following five stereotypes of cuckolded wives show, the fucked-over wifey will be judged by that public, no matter what she does.

1. The Ball Buster: Of course Bill cheated on Hillary, many said, she was a feminazi who never let the poor man have his way. And anyway, like Elizabeth Edwards, Hillary "allowed" the affair to continue and participated in a cover-up because all she wanted was power in the first place.

2. The Doormat:: Silda Spitzer got a lot of this, especially from other women, who were disgusted that she stood behind Eliot at the press conference after he was caught frequenting prostitutes. They called her "nauseating . . . phony and awful."

3. The Nag: Nobel said that his piece in Elle was about "the burden of being a lightning rod for the fears of women and the resentments of burdened men." The implication there is that all married men, even the ones who are happily married, are burdened by the responsibility placed on them by their nagging harpy wives. Who wouldn't want to ditch all that and run off with a twenty-something! Which brings us to…

4. The Crone: Nobel's preference for firm young flesh is shared by another political philandering John: McCain. McCain left first wife Carol for current wife Cindy, because, as Carol said, "John McCain didn’t want to be 40, he wanted to be 25. You know that happens...it just does." Even Carol herself has bought into this piece of media claptrap!

5. The Martyr: Those who don't see Silda Spitzer as a doormat probably see her as a martyr — someone's who's keeping the family's life as private as possible so that her three teenage daughters can have some semblance of normalcy in their lives. While this stereotype isn't necessarily negative, I'm sure Spitzer — and the rest of these wives — would much rather not walk down the street and have everyone feeling sorry for them. As Erica Jong said in an impassioned defense of Hillary in the Washington Post earlier this year, "She cannot have enjoyed her husband's playing around. She certainly never condoned it. But he was clever enough for her, he supported her dreams, and they both loved their smart and beautiful daughter. Besides, what does anyone know about anyone else's marriage?"

In Which People Are Atrocious To Elizabeth Edwards And Not Nearly Atrocious Enough To Her Idiot Husband [Radar]
Edwards' Wife Criticized For Silence On Affair [AP via WRAL]
Hillary Vs.The Patriarchy [Washington Post]
John Edwards Calling Former Staffers Asking For Forgiveness [NYDN]

Earlier: Elle Writer "Didn't Plan To Be The Poster Boy For Male Recklessness"
Women On Silda Wall: "I'd Have Paraded In Front Of A Microphone With A Knife"
Oh, About That First Wife

The Journal breaks pregnant women's rights down thusly: Employers can fire, lay off and refuse to hire knocked up ladies, but they have to provide ample proof that they held men to the same standards. They also have to provide maternity leave, as they would provide leave for any other medical issue, but in 48 of the 50 states, that leave doesn't have to be paid (readers in California and Washington State, you're the lucky ones).

And then, many women have to deal with blowhard employers like Sir Alan Sugar, the CEO-star of the British version of the Apprentice, who told the Times of London that, "Companies have no divine duty to help with childcare. Companies employ people. It's the Government's responsibility to provide childcare. You pay a person a salary and they cut their cloth accordingly." Sugar also added that female bosses are more likely to discriminate against female employees, because they are "more ruthless than men. They are more conscious of not employing other women because they feel they're not going to get the value of work out of them."

In Linda Hirshman's infamous American Prospect article about the "opt-out revolution," she suggests that if women want real equality, they must major in (mostly non-liberal arts) subjects that prepare them for the job market , make money, as money is "the marker of success in a market economy," and marry a man with bleak economic prospects, as he will be more likely to stay home with the babies. It's not that I don't agree with Hirshman — I think she's pretty much on the money — but I personally don't want to do any of those things, even though I acknowledge that I'm not helping feminism by being an English major who works in a low-rent field. Many self-proclaimed feminists feel the same way, so would it be more useful to organize and change the pregnancy laws instead of berating ourselves for making the choices that Silda, and so many of the rest of us, might one day make?

Why Stand By? [New York Magazine]
More Women Pursue Claims Of Pregnancy Discrimination [WSJ]
Women Bosses Are More Likely To Discriminate Against Mothers, Says Sir Alan Sugar [Times of London]

"Few [female politicians] are prominent enough to attract savage media scrutiny," Baird posits, and it seems that the ones who do, take up quiet, longterm extramarital affairs with age and class-appropriate mates, as opposed to the stripper and prostitute scandals that have plagued male pols. The ladies of The View were discussing the Newsweek story this morning, and they talked about how in a field where there's more women, like teaching, you hear more about Mary Kay Letourneau types who abuse their male underlings. What's glaring about the teacher example, and the fact that male politicians tend to have affairs with much younger and tackier women, is that both situations seem to be about power, and not about sex.

It could be argued that female politicians don't have more affairs because men don't see them as more powerful, or find that power to be attractive. Young guys want nothing to do with Hillary Clinton because power and experience and age are not valued in women in our culture. The teenage boys involved in the teacher sex scandals are so young that they can be controlled — they're not really "choosing" these older women. I don't think it's a question of whether women cheat less or are better people; it's that a female politician would have less opportunity to cheat in the first place, as the men around her are unlikely to throw themselves at her. The Newsweek article quotes former White House press secretary, Dee Dee Myers, who says, "I don't think Hillary Clinton is going to be hitting on the intern." Even if she did, would that male intern be remotely interested? That said, I think women are better liars, and if Hillary specifically were having an affair, I'm almost positive that we would never, ever find out about it.

Girls Will Be Girls. Or Not. [Newsweek]

Earlier: Samantha Bee On Silda: Does This Skirt Make My Ass Look Humiliated?

• We discovered that ( now-former ) New York Governor Eliot Spitzer goes to whores.
  
• We also discussed Ashley Alexandra Dupre, aka "Kristen", the woman who was allegedly the whore in question. Her new single is off the chain!
  
• We commisserated with Spitzer's poor wife, Silda.
  
• Bet disgraced Glamour blogger Mike Cherico is happy about the Spitzer scandal! It is one of the few things that makes him look like less of an asshole.
  
• Speaking of assholes, did ya hear? Pooping is the new hot shit!

• Salt n' Pepa said opinions are like assholes and everybody's got one. Well 1,400 of you and counting had opinions about this post.
  
• But who cares what other people think! You're living alone and loving it.
  
• And probably airing the ol' girl out 'cause no one is ever around.
  
• But you guys, Anna Wintour put a big black guy on the cover of Vogue, so we know the apocalypse is neigh.
  
• Whatevs to all that. It's spring break y'all! Pour some out for the homies and have a good weekend.

MOE: Okay, you know what? I thought we weren't going to be talking about Ashley Alexandra Dupre again but I think that's just what I'm about to advocate we do.
MEGAN: But briefly! Pretty please with sugar on top?
MOE: Okay, so first, the details. Ashley's former pimp Jason Itzler — is it weird that sort of rhymes with Spitzer? I guess not — has spoken and he's got nothing but love for the hottest girl he had. He met her at Hotel Gansevoort when she was 19 and working in the nightlife promotion cocktail waitress circuit. "She says, 'Hey, Jason ... I want to work for you.' When I caught my breath, I said, 'Do you know what I do?'" he claimed. "She's like, 'Yeah.' I said, 'Get over here.' " See, even then, he knew she'd be a star! Also, it sounds like those charges of abuse she leveled on her MySpace page might have been trumped-up; a neighbor says what really happened is that she crashed her stepdad's Porsche and wanted a new one, and when she couldn't get it she ran away. She grew up near the Jersey Shore, an area redolent of cultural capital, which explains how she was so "classy." She fucked Spitzer numerous times — she allegedly worked a six-day week! I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T! — but only figured out he was the governor somewhere near the Mayflower Hotel. I am currently writing a fictionalized account of how that went down.
MEGAN: Well, I mean, rich, skinny, nerdy white dudes that can't get laid are kind of a dime a dozen in D.C. I guess, and sometimes it is hard to tell politicians apart.
MOE: Apparently Silda is most upset over how young she was. Meanwhile, Ashley has a lot of opportunities to get rich now in even classier ways such as posing for Penthouse, just as I predicted yesterday.
MEGAN: But not Playboy, for some reason. Is that collusion? Antitrust! Antitrust!
MEGAN: Also, poor Silda. Really? The age is the bad part? Way to focus on what might actually be the least heinous part of the whole thing. News at 11: Men who cheat on their wives often fuck younger women.
MOE: No, Playboy apparently wants her too but I think Penthouse may be offering more money? Anyway my question is: at this point, would you rather be Ashley or Silda? And I'm saying, you know, I realize that is a stupid sounding question at this point. Ashley is pretty, whole life ahead of her, marriage not irreparably damaged etc. etc. But.
MEGAN: I wouldn't want to be a whore, much less a particularly famous one. Talk about someone who will probably never have a normal intimate relationship after this... I guess I know from experience that I can survive being cheated on, I can survive getting an HIV test and having a legitimate cause for concern about the results thanks to someone I was intimate with fucking a whore and neglecting to mention it, and I can survive at least some level of public humiliation due to someone else's actions.
MOE: Right, I mean, it's clear right now that Silda is a terribly smart woman, who has experienced a lot of things, and she's had her kids, and she has her law degree, and she has her weird Baptist NASCAR-loving roots and she has the sympathy of America and she definitely has an amazing body herself. It is also clear that, you know, by biology or circumstance, Ashley is not, you know, smart. And I know, like: what does that count for? But seriously, long term revenue generation prospects as a result of this fame look weighted to Silda right now.
MOE: Should we discuss Dina Matos McGreevey?
MEGAN: Silda's beautiful, smart, educated, has 3 daughters who likely love her and, God willing, is about to be wealthy and single. I'd rather be Silda.
MEGAN: Oh, Dina. The example of how not to handle it.
MOE: Cool. So because we'd still rather be Silda, it is not that terrible to still be obsessing over Ashley.
MEGAN: Well, I could stop obsessing over Ashley. We could obsess over Obama's super-cool mama instead.
MOE: Jessica's doing something on that for the 9:30. We had a discussion over how it's funny how normal and nuclear his own family is compared to how he grew up etc. etc.
MOE: Maybe we should finally talk about Michigan and Florida?
MOE: Pastor Jeremiah Wright?
MEGAN: Florida looks to be a ginormous fuck up again.
MOE: Earmarks?
MEGAN: Everyone does love them the earmarks.
MOE: New polls that place both Obama AND Hillary ahead of McCain?
MEGAN: Hooray for the Democrats winning no matter what only probably not because I'm a pessimist like that!
MOE: How, five years after we invaded them on this very basis there it is still looking like a giant fuckup that we ever linked Saddam Hussein to Al Qaeda?
9:10 AM
MEGAN: Well, a fuck up would mean we thought it and it wasn't true. It seems like the evidence is that is likely wasn't true but they said it anyway, right?
MOE: Oh sure. Be a cynic! So seriously, is there anything else to talk about? Do you think Rev. Jeremiah Wright's knack for speaking the truth etc. etc. will hurt Obama when it is inevitably linked to his no-flag-pin/no hand on heart during Pledge thingy?
9:15 AM
MEGAN: I mean, CNN and MSNBC have been practically showing that guy's speeches on a loop all morning. The dude's practically spitting crazy angry like something out of a super right wing evangelical church. The same people that were freaked out by the evangelical church stuff in Borat would, one would think, be freaked out by this.
MOE: Really? On my CNN they've just shown the inspiring story of that 300-pound woman turned triathlete.
MEGAN: Maybe it was just in the 8:00 hour? I switched because they stopped talking about anything new.
MOE: So...Peggy Noonan is going after McCain for not being enough of an ideologue — er, a philosopher to be president.
MOE:

Where Mr. McCain's friend says, "be disciplined," I'd say, "Get serious." What is the meaning of things? What is the guiding philosophy? Who has he read besides Hemingway? (And he's read him—he loves him to an almost scary degree.) Is there a little Burke in there? The Federalist papers? John Kenneth Galbraith?

MOE: Good morning! I can't imagine what we'll be discussing today...
The economy?

MEGAN: The EPA smog standards?
The priest that won a science prize and craps all over intelligent design?

MOE: The sad sad liquidation of Carlyle Capital?
Oooh oooh, this is fun...the merger of the Nymex and the Chicago mercantile exchange!

MEGAN: Um, that's prolly more your beat than mine.
The new $5 bill?

MOE: BUT SERIOUSLY GUYS. All anyone wants to talk about is "Kristen." Should we talk about "Kristen"?

MEGAN: Her song sucks.

But I added it to my MySpace profile anyway in case she wised up and took hers down... but apparently this is a boost for her career.

MOE: She's not a monster! That's a preemptive strike against Samantha Power! And if she takes hers down the song is gone, lady. Do you know nothing of MySpace? I was actually a little surprised by her MySpace profile. And is it just me or did I detect a note of pride in her mom's voice when she told the Times her daughter "can handle someone like the governor." I mean, lady, I'd say that's some rose-colored glasses but okay. It was also a little absurd that the Times called her lyrics out for their dated slang. Um, for the record, Serge Kovaleski, "boo" remains a term of endearment in youth culture circles! Athough I guess it is used more ironically, and mostly by white people now, but isn't that splitting hairs kinda?

MEGAN: Also, her brother said she's the best sister ever. I'm guessing he's not the one who abused her. Also, um, she can "handle" someone like the governor? Lady, she "handled" him alright. She also presumably sucked him, possibly teabagged him, allowed him to insert his penis into one if not two other orifices and either had or faked one/more orgasms, then took his money as payment for services rendered.
Like, seriously, this whole whore-fucking thing skeeves me out.
Like, what is wrong with men sometimes?

s

MOE: We'll never really know. I mean, I guess Newsweek and the Washington Post are sort of on the case, but as the Post story points out, you never hear from these guys about their infidelities. Why they did it. What they weren't thinking.

MOE: Except that there's something primal, hormonal, blah blah blah. I dunno. I mean, I get urges to cheat when I'm in long term relationships, they're just usually overwhelmed by my desire to not hurt the loved one in question. But maybe that's a measure of empathy the men don't get born with, I dunno. I have no idea why this scandal, in particular, seems to encapsulate something dark and hopeless about the state of gender relations. I mean, it's not like he fucked hookers every single night. $80,000 does not exactly go a long way someplace like the Emperor's Club. You could blow it all in a few days. In fact, that was probably part of the thrill. Like with gambling addicts. They like get off on the destructive waste of it. Or something. And they are always Chinese, the last people you'd expect to blow a hundred grand in one night at the craps table. You know?

MEGAN: I agree with the dark and hopeless state of gender relations part. This is like, some serious disconnect for me between men and women and it's not like I fuck for love all the time.
Like, the whole excuse that men are "paying" for it in either case? That makes me want to beat people about the head and shoulders with an umbrella.

MOE: Here's the other depressing thing about it for MOE: being a high class hooker seemed to me an appropriate job choice for someone like Kristen. She is very pretty and yearns, obviously, to be noticed, but her MySpace page shows that she doesn't really have the skills of self-promotion necessary to find quick success in all the "industries" that value self-promotion. Some were taken at unflattering angles. Some of them make her look chunkier than she really is. Her voice is unspectacular, but so is everyone's. She is no Tila Tequila.

MEGAN: That's probably true. She just looks kind of like your average pretty girl in most of those shots on MySpace, and her little "bio" piece is way too long and rambling to be an effective self-promotional tool, let alone even an effective internet dating profile.
And if she can, you know, actually respectably belt "Respect" (which, I'm sure is an untrue story) then she can probably actually sing.

MOE: Okay, new topic time. Seriously, right? There is not that much more to say, right? I'm assuming you watched Keith Olbermann's epic sermon to Hillary Clinton? It is very long. It is supposed to be ten minutes, but it will take 25 minutes to watch on any normal computer.

MEGAN: Oh, God, it Keith going to stop being cute once I watch that? Because my sister (who I was visiting) doesn't have cable to I missed everything until this morning.

MOE: I mean, you know, he takes himself just a LITTLE bit seriously.

MEGAN: But I'll watch that if you read this horrifying Paglia screed in which she calls Hillary shrill, dismissed the existence of sexism, called Hillary a "tunnel-vision middle manager" and called the Emperor's hookers "valiant."
It made me have to get out of bed to wash the taste of bile out of my mouth.

MOE: It looks like there won't be a transcript on the MSNBC website until 3 p.m. And I'll read that if you also take a look at this story on Obama and McCain, how they sort of pointlessly hate each other, etc.
We shall reconvene!

Um, for the record, this:

Never has the soppy emotionalism of old-guard feminist reasoning been on such open and embarrassing display.

MEGAN: I mean, I totally wanted to agree with her, and then she swerved and went off into Crazy Town and I was like... really? Camille? Shrill? There is no sexism anymore? Because, um, you know, I got some stories.

MOE: Oh my GOD, wait, this whole section where she expresses disappointment and dismay re Rush Libaugh...

I take the ballot very seriously, because it took women so long to win it. I am very unsettled by tactical voting — that is, using one's vote as a stratagem in what Rush describes as "gamesmanship": "It's all about winning," he has repeatedly said to callers protesting the Hillary stunt. But hasn't Rush's massive appeal always been based on his adherence to core principles rather than to narrow partisanship?

MEGAN: She's listens to Rush Limbaugh regularly! That enough was enough for me to go, wait, I though Paglia was a femi-Nazi, not a Dittohead.

MOE: Well you know she's undefinable. An iconoclast etc. No matter who you are, you're going to agree with her sometimes. But...like...Limbaugh? Principles? Is that how you stay on the radio 5 hours a day or whatever? By soberly and eloquently addressing one's core principles? It's just an absurd statement. Whatev. Blargh.
Did you watch Keith?

MEGAN: I am watching it, but I am becoming a sad panda because he is, indeed, getting less and less cute. Why does he insist on randomly emphasizing words? OMG, he's now smacking his desk!
Um, although I completely agree with every single thing he's said about Ferraro and that Clinton's strategists are, um, not good to say the least.
MOE: Yeah, and the longwindedness of it is kind of impressive.

MEGAN: The longwindedness makes me think he's sort of a Clinton supporter and is actually really offended and hates her advisers.
MOE: Well, it makes me think he is no longer a Clinton supporter.
MEGAN: OMG, maybe he's just trying to get her to fire Mark Penn? Because, really, I would vote for her if she fired Mark Penn.
MOE: Okay, so I have no idea what America is thinking about all this BUT. He did erase all her delegate gains in Texas and Ohio with Wyoming and Mississippi...wait a second, why would you vote for her if she fired him? That I just don't get. She fired Dick Morris too. SPEAKING OF WHORES. The point is, she hired them both in the first place. Whatever. No use for it anymore. I just hope he is in Pennsylvania right the fuck now. Wait, where is he right the fuck now?
MEGAN: They're all in D.C. to try out that "voting" thing they all get actually paid to do.

Oh, and as of the results of the Texas caucuses yesterday, technically Obama picked up more delegates in Texas than Hillary.
And, Dick Morris's teeth are this weird yellow-y grey now (having just watched Hillary The Movie), which makes me think he probably still sucks dirty whore toes.
MOE: Okay, JOHN MCCAIN. I have been meaning to address the issue of John McCain. Will he continue letting the media listen to his every passing thought on the campaign trail. Will he persist in hating Obama and does he actually have a reason to do so, and isn't it kind of funny how people are talking about Mitt Romney as VP when this Esquire piece makes it fairly clear McCain hates Mitt Romney. That's why they "heart Huck." I'm just burdening you with all this, by the way, because I had insomnia last night and I didn't want to read the piece about insomnia in Esquire so instead I read about George Clooney watching the 2 girls 1 cup video and John McCain hating Mitt Romney.

MEGAN: HA! Um, except for W. and Cheney, most Republicans actually seem to hate their VPs (Reagan-Bush, Bush-Quayle, whomever ran with Dole), so Mitt makes perfect sense. But McCains'a maverick, see, so I think he might actual pick someone he doesn't abhor which is not Mitt Romney. Unfortunately, it's also not a single conservative Republican that he supposedly needs to re-energize the base and he's trying to me less maverick-y to win his own voters, so Romney seems a safe bet.

But by all accounts, Silda and Eliot had a decent marriage before the deluge. Newsweek offers some alternative theories. Susannah Breslin, a writer who is soliciting "Letters from Johns" on an eponymous website writes about some of the letters she received, and most of the prostitute-frequenting married men she's talked to went to hookers because their wives no longer had sex with them or because they got their rocks off on the taboo of it all. "For some men, especially those who are seen as particularly moral or righteous in their public lives (think of all those fallen preachers)," Breslin notes, "Part of the appeal is the fact that it is illegal and a moral transgression in their eyes."

It could be an honest-to-goodness kink, or maybe it's Spitzer's biology! According to Newsweek, men who cheat are "sensation seekers" who have "lower levels of monoamine oxidase A," the chemical that regulates dopamine, the "pleasure" neurotransmitter. Also, the kind of person who is a politician is often incredibly egocentric. Says University of Washington political scientist John Gastil: "For high-profile offices... you have to have a kind of personality where you are very interested in yourself and your personal needs, as well as the needs of others... When the gratification of your desire for social change becomes the justification for so much of what you do in your career, it's not a leap to then say, 'Well, my other desires and needs are equally justified.' You come up with elaborate justifications. 'Hey, 23 hours day I'm working hard for the people of New York. Time for a little me time!'"

And Spitzer will have a ton of "me" time now that he's resigned. The oft-heard moral of this story — to me, at least — is be wary of anyone who goes around crowing about how moral and ethical they are. If Spitzer hadn't claimed to be such a paragon of virtue, the people of New York would probably be more forgiving. Look at former Providence mayor Buddy Cianci or former D.C. mayor Marion Barry. Both left office "disgraced" but returned after a couple years. People forgave them because they never expected them to be particularly moral in the first place. If Spitzer had been honest with himself about his true moral fiber, maybe we wouldn't have seen poor Silda's destroyed visage on our television screens yesterday. She — and we — would have known better.

Dear John [Newsweek]
His Cheating Brain [Newsweek]

Earlier: Enough About Eliot. What About The Hookers?

• I know what I want, you know what I want, I know what you need, can you handle me? Thus begins the mellifluous "What We Want," the latest track posted on the MySpace page of Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the musician, abuse victim, former drug abuser and self-professed "non moron" who had sex with Eliot Spitzer under the name "Kristen" the night before Valentine's Day. Perhaps some blog will pay her $4,300 to perform it at their annual party in May? [NYT]
  
• The Emperor's Club also offered graphic design and consulting services but I'm thinking they weren't that popular because I could probably design their website myself. [Slate]
  
• Eliot Spitzer is a Gemini. Libras are famously attracted to Geminis so I guess I should consider it a bullet dodged. [Huffington Post]
  
• Dina McGreevey is still pretty pissed. You would be, too, if your husband had told you he was gay by asking you to read a draft of a speech he was about to give. [NYT]
  
• Geraldine Ferrarro abdicated her position on the Clinton campaign so she can continue speaking her mind about how easy black guys have it compared to white women. [Reuters]

• Syphilis rates are up for a seventh year in a row. Is Bubonic Plague next? [Reuters]
• Two men, one 17 and one 21, were charged in the murder of that pretty UNC student. The motive appears to be robbery. Awesome. [NYT]
• Just because the country's economic fundamentals are nowhere near as weak as they were back in the seventies doesn't mean the recession won't be as weak as the seventies because no one really remembers the seventies so the inflation and job prospects and such seem shitty enough to consumers and investors and all those bad vibes are enough to set off a ripple of liquidity problems that will send the whole thing spiraling wildly out of control because maybe the economic fundamentals were never that great to begin with and it was all a collective exercise in delusional fantasy. [Slate]
• Bad news for Boeing, not that they need it. And for anyone trying to get anywhere in an airplane, not that they need it either. [WSJ]
• The problem with America is not that our standards of living are so high technology companies don't want to hire us. (I mean, let's face it guys, the standards of living of most Americans are pretty fucking low, considering the aggregate size of this economy.) No, the problem with America is that everyone is stupid. Bill Gates, paraphrased. [Breitbart]
• Maybe it will help that people don't have as much money to waste at the mall. [IHT]
• Rush Limbaugh's evil plot to win Texas and Ohio for HIllary was actually an illegal evil plot, not that there's really a huge difference. [Wired]
• Once you get past the whole "the anorexics are going to love this shit" aspect of them pickle juice popsicles actually sound like a good idea. [Wash Post]

[Image via Oh! My God! I Miss You]

Standing By Their Men [NPR]

MOE: Hey yo are you busy right now? And if so, how busy?
Megan's on a plane and I NEED SOMEONE TO IM.
$PENCER: not so busy that i can't
OH SNAP SERIOUSLY????
MOE: SRSLY. I got yr text last night btw but I was too drunk to form words.
It was a good night.
$PENCER: you know i am extremely hungover
so that makes me total crappy hour material
MOE: That makes 2 retards!
$PENCER: woo
i feel like the high school kid who catches a long pass by accident outside football practice when the NFL scout coincidentally walks by!
MOE: What were you doing?? Watching the CLIFFHANGER that was the Mississippi primary?
$PENCER: i was plotting the future of blog-domination with matt yglesias
and going to a wizards-bucks game
MOE: Wow, that's quite an agenda! I went to three separate bars. At the first bar, they declared Mississippi for Obama with only 5% of the precincts reporting. And the 5% of the precincts reporting had gone 51%-47% for Hillary!
$PENCER: yglz used his iPhone to get us updates on the primary
is it true that Obama got like 30 percent of the white vote?
because i'm just not going to google that
MOE: I don't know! Maybe I should consult Memeorandum?
OH yup, it's on the front page of the Journal. He won "a third" of white voters.
and 90% of African Americans.
Geraldine Ferrarro should have it so easy.
$PENCER: i understand that this might not be true, but it seems like the whiter you are and the less educated you are, the more vociferous your distaste for obama
christ my head hurts too much to write a sentence like that.
was that english? was that a point?
OK let's talk about Geraldine Ferraro.
you posted about Samantha Power, and very admirably
She was a political novice, and someone who recognized her bluntness would inevitably get Obama in trouble
and she quit/was pushed out on day one-and-a-half of the story
MOE: I don't know if the distaste itself can be vociferous but my friend ryan was telling me that he was at Dunkin Donuts the other night (in Philadelphia) and an old Italian lady was like "you two! Who are you voting for? John McCain, or the black guy?" And him and his boyfriend were like "um, the black guy!" and the old lady got a spooky look in her eye and said "you know he's a COMMUNIST."
$PENCER: Geraldine Ferraro was a MOTHERFUCKING VP candidate
MOE: I didn't know that!
$PENCER: and she said that black people have it so easy in this country
MOE: Well she's also been a racist for at least twenty years
$PENCER: and she doesn't have to seperate herself from HRC's finance committee or whatever the fuck she does?
you know the piece i want to read
this is my assignment for you
or maybe for your friend jessica valenti out in astoria
go through Ferraro's old Queens district
and track anti-Obama sentiment
see if anyone uses the word "moulignan"
MOE: What does that mean? Like a TUMOR???
$PENCER: seriously, the other day i heard a respectable journalist who i never thought of as a racist refer to obama as "a black."
it was so dissonant — people say that? like he's an adjective?
MOE: Oh man I would just assuming he's being, you know, IRONICALLY racist.
$PENCER: moulignan = italian for eggplant; eggplant = the color of a black dude, at least if you're a charming person
MOE: Ahem
I would just "assume"
$PENCER: she! it was a she!!!
see, the problem with this country, as HRC is demonstrating
is white women
send that hate email now!
MOE: WEIRD. Well we have a column by our anonymous model coming soon about how models' moms feel about Obama and let me tell you the "He worships Allah 50 times a day" meme is not dead out there in the stagemom heartland.
$PENCER: well yglz and i were at the verizon center
and we stood for the pledge of allegiance because liberals love america
MOE: But yeah, the thing about Obama is that, mercifully, the race thing is like a side-plot with him. Whereas with Hillary it seems like EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION HAS TO BE ABOUT THE META CONVERSATION ABOUT BLAH BLAH BLAH PANTSUITS.
$PENCER: and then we noted that when obama wins, you won't be able to go to a sporting event without the call to prayer kicking it off
yeah can i ask you about that?
what's the case for pantsuits, moe? i need a woman to explain this to me
MOE: So that when we start talking about race with Obama, I'm like, "Wow, race. Now that is actually an interesting and urgent topic!"
$PENCER: i have this ex-gf whose mom always used the word "flattering" to describe her ideal articles of clothing
are pantsuits flattering?
MOE: I think pantsuits are more comfortable. Personally I hate skirts. But no, pantsuits are indisputably unflattering.
$PENCER: so it's comfort — i can understand that
this being the benefits of the patriarchy
i can come to work in jeans every day
and sneakers
not shoes that break my ankles and awkwardly distribute my weight
oh man you know Crass's song "Bata Motel"? I'm totally putting that on
MOE: Yeah i mean, you know, skirts always make you feel weird and exposed and you sit down and then you're like FUCK some perv is probably looking between my legs, why — I can't even tell you FUCK MEN I'M VOTING FOR THE LADY etc. etc.
$PENCER: Mike Lillis, who's next to me in the Washington Independent news room? WATCH THE FUCK OUT, anarcho peace punk ahoy
MOE: OH man you're at, like, an office!
$PENCER: I KNOW
a blogger!
it's not my couch or Mocha Hut anymore!
(peace to Mocha Hut, best coffee shop in DC)
(13th & U St, ask for Eden, she'll hook you up)
but you raise a serious point
which is
in my experience these last two weeks, the Hillary thing has become a minefield
where my women-journalist friends who don't particularly carry a torch for HRC
MOE: So weird. I'm wearing cutoff jean shorts fashioned out of a pair of Gap jeans my sister used to call her "lesbian jeans" and a gray Costco fleece I stole from my dad. And black ankle socks and high top black Chucks. I think I slept in most of these garments. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this. Maybe because the first email I received this morning was from Robert Morrow. ISRAELI INTELLIGENCE RECORDED BILL AND MONICA HAVING PHONE SEX.
$PENCER: react EXTREMELY strongly to any an all remote suggestions of sexism as motivating the hillary campaign
so my question to you: was Samantha's "Monster" comment sexist?
MOE: It's a good tactic, for them. And I didn't read sexism into "monster" at all. "Monster" is a weird word though. I mean, it could be like "macaca" and I have just not given it too much thought before now. But I think of "monster" and I think...Alistair Cookie.
And trucks.
$PENCER: trucks for sure
MOE: I don't get any feminazi vibes from that word.
$PENCER: howard wolfson should have called obama a Funny Car
in response
MOE: LOL. Wait though
We should talk about...
SPITZER
$PENCER: hear that, my friends? Jezebel officially says 'Monster' isn't sexist!!!
OH YES WE SHOULD
MOE: One of his whores, Sienna, is apparently talking to ABC News and I CANNOT FIND A CLIP OR ANYTHING.
$PENCER: she went on camera????
MOE: She is apparently curvy and blond
$PENCER: see what i didn't get from a lot of the coverage
is the $5500 price tag?
MOE: Well that's the weird thing! LIke, why would you talk to ABC News if not on camera? Do they have a website or something?
$5500, yes.
$PENCER: you're not paying that much for the sex, you're paying that much for the discretion
NOT THAT I HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE WITH PROSTITUTES
oh man
my boss (my boss!) told me when the story broke to googleimage 'executive VIP' or whatever the fuck the prostitution ring is called
MOE: EMPERORS CLUB.
$PENCER: and as you'd expect some very NSFW pictures emerged
yeah
MOE: SAFESEARCH ONNNNN
$PENCER: and i was like, are you sure we should be searching for this stuff?
MOE: Oooooh ooooooh he's RESIGNING
BREAKING NEWS
$PENCER: the rest of the story i will leave out — oh snap!
MOE: NO ONE COULD HAVE ANTICIPATED THIS
$PENCER: there we go
Governor Blind Dude!
you know
on a personal note
what feels GREAT about all this is that one of Spitzer's biggest political fans & promoters is the evil editor-in-chief of the New Republic, Marty Peretz
so take THAT, homie! You sure ain't getting that ambassdorship now! How's that Gore presidency working out for ya? And don't front like you ACTUALLY like Obama, it's so obvs that you're starfucking for influence here plus you hate HRC
LIKE YOU HATE ALL WOMEN
MOE: Ummmmm hmmmmmmm! I'm not sure how to respond to this. Also MICHAEL KELLY HATES YOU IN HEAVEN ASSHOLE?
Or is that going overboard?
$PENCER: three weeks ago i officially abandoned coffee for red bull and it SHOWS
hahahahahaha LOLMYGOD
a Kelly joke!
i think we should now try to embarrass Mike Crowley as much as possible
hey i can see his Hair Cuttery apartment from my office!
MOE: Nooooooo no no Crowley will kill me noooooo.
$PENCER: FINE
so what's yr take on spitzer
whats — yr take on/ whats — yr take on
MOE: He already hates me over this one time I quoted him saying David Plotz dressed nicely bc he liked Fugazi.
$PENCER: oh man i shat all over david plotz on my blog the other day
MOE: But apparently David Plotz DOESN'T like Fugazi.
$PENCER: and plotz actually doesn't deserve it, it was an unfair attack
MOE: Clearly David Plotz was not sufficiently alienated in high school.
$PENCER: he was collateral damage for my real target of lying liar jeffrey goldberg
i think fugazi fans are pretty well adjusted in high school
high-functioning
MOE: I think this is getting somewhat insidery now though!
But yes, Spitzer.
$PENCER: good SATs without the prep course
now, Embrace fans...
anyway yeah spitzer
MOE: Well Bonnie Fuller is claming it's worse on his daughters than it is on Silda. Which is just total bullshit. You teach a woman not to trust men in their teens, maybe they won't have to learn the hard way like mom. Also, Jessica Grose has a theory that Silda got married for like 24 days in college because she was a Southern Baptist who just wanted to fuck. Neither here nor there though.
$PENCER: what, is she a Shiite?
wait i don't understand
why isn't it worse on his daughters? not that it's not awful for silda
aren't his daughters right now learning not to trust men?
MOE: Because they're TEENAGERS. Nothing that doesn't happen directly to you can be that devastating when you're a teenager. And yes! I'm saying that's a valuable lesson that will pay dividends etc.
$PENCER: isn't this direct enough?
ok i think i misunderstood you
MOE: I'm just saying, WORSE FOR SILDA.
$PENCER: ok yes it's MISERABLE for Silda
didn't the NYT report she was pushing for him not to resign?
MOE: Oh did they? Um, that was probably before she knew he spent EIGHTY GRAND OMFG
$PENCER: if so, do you think that's revenge? Like, "No, honey, stay in office. I want you to be hounded by what you did to me until your last motherfucking day as governor. Let's draw this out! Who wants cookies?"
MOE: That's like, half a college education or something!
$PENCER: hahaha
jesus
public corruption ahoy!
you know who's another loser in all this? POOR ALAN HEVESI
MOE: Alan Keyes?
$PENCER: poor bastard has a public limosine ferry him from one place to another like 3 times and he's hounded from office
meanwhile spitzer is boning whores with money from the state treasury while saying, 'Alan, this looks bad...'
MOE: Hahaha wow yeah. I mean, I guess we can learn something from this. There is really nothing to goddamn lose in being completely unequivocally self-righteous and morally superior at all times. Spitzer will rebound.
$PENCER: i just realized i typed 'ahoy' 2x in this IM
i never say ahoy in real life btw just saying
Spitzer comeback! Funded by Marty Peretz
MOE: I mean, Sinbad might call you out on it but no one listens to black guys; they have it so goddamn easy in this country
$PENCER: ahahahaha
MOE: So many of them getting a free ride in the nation's prisons.
$PENCER: actually this points to a weakness in obama's support
Sinbad is the only black comedian he can get to publicly support him?
Sinbad needs to be Shwarzenegger's VP when we change the constitution to let immigrants run for president
MOE: Well Dave Chappelle didn't go to Bosnia with Hillary Clinton.
$PENCER: Arnold-Sinbad 2016: Jingling All The Way To Washington
MOE: Yeah after a brief tenure as Charles Barkley's AG in Alabama
$PENCER: the politics of charles barkley would make for a good piece
MOE: So anyway, you know I should be posting this like TEN MINUTES AGO.
$PENCER: WAIT WAIT WAIT
MOE: There is still so much to discuss.
$PENCER: the most important thing of all:
are you going to come to DC this weekend to see my band play?
That's right, Jezebel readers: I am asking Moe out on a date ON HER OWN BLOG
IN PUBLIC
though i suppose you could edit that out, but wouldn't THAT be crappy
MOE: Oh your BAND is playing is your excuse? Does your band play Tenacious D covers?
$PENCER: answer the question!
MOE: Megan dated a guy in DC who played strictly tenacious D and flight of the conchords covers.
$PENCER: you are STALLING
will our hero make it?
i promise there will be no flight of the conchords
nor the D
i don't acutally think they're very funny
MOE: I am in New York. Maybe? What night? I may come! Or I may not get down there. Every time I go down to DC I get stuck for like the entire week because there's no Wifi in the train.
$PENCER: Saturday
MOE: It's a tough journey to make as a blogger.
$PENCER: cmon it'll be fun
MOE: Saturday is easier.
$PENCER: there's a Chinatown bus that has wifi these days
god you really make a guy feel special
MOE: I know, but it's impossible to find.
You have a CAR.
Easy for you to say.
$PENCER: i rented that!
MOE: oh I can't rent cars.
I don't currently have a drivers license.
I should pay off those fines I guess...
$PENCER: i got a summons when i drove back down to DC the other weekend
reckless endangerment
have a court date in NJ & everything
MOE: Maybe next time I'm in PA for the primary I am going to lose.
$PENCER: all i was doing was speeding
MOE: I love it getting a speeding ticket in Maryland. LIKE YEAH I'LL SEE YOU IN ANNAPOLIS SURE BUDDY
$PENCER: crank dat bench warrant
so, seriously? i'm manning up & asking you out, after you said you were coming to DC anyway, and all I get is a maybe?
tumbleweed tumbles
crickets
MOE: Hahaha SPENCER. It's DC LIKE FOUR HOURS AWAY
$PENCER: so fucking what?
it's a bus
MOE: LIKE $250
$PENCER: you nap
t's like $40 roundrip!
MOE: i do not take the bus.
$PENCER: books/magazines/ipods
ohhhhh i see how fancy
MOE: ughhhhhh
$PENCER: it's not like i cost $5500
MOE: I think you don't understand how worthless I am after the blogweek. It is a lot of effort just getting out of my house
hahaha
$PENCER: live a little
MOE: Wait, hold on. JOHN MCCAIN. Can we discuss John McCain for negative two minutes? LIKE HOW HE'S GOING TO BE PRESIDENT AND NO ONE'S PAYING ATTENTION
$PENCER: there will be a very very good piece coming by Yglesias about what the stakes actually are with McCain
the truest militarist in american politics
now, on his chances, if it turns out to be HRC, then yeah, he wins — the base turns out for him, raises money, blah blah blah
if it's Obama, none of those incentives exist
and since obama's winning in pledged delegates & HRC has to resort to this FL/MI chicanery, it seems like the country can still be spared president mccain
or as a RIGHTWING friend of mine calls him, Senator Tiger Cage
wanna hear the most tasteless joke in DC?
Hey! Everyone who wants to be president! Raise your hand!!!
MOE: ummmm I would laugh at that joke if CHELSEA CLINTON was telling it.
$PENCER: and that's DC
for REAL
don't it make you want to get on an Amtrak
MOE: OMG that was my favorite part of the Spitzer thing. HE DIDN'T EVEN SPLURGE ON THE ACELA.
$PENCER: HAHAHAHA RLY????
MOE: $5500
yeah. Leave it to Milbank to notice the literary details
$PENCER: that's what happens when you can't expense it