sibling rivalry

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Does Birth Order Really Matter?
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momentsofabsurdity
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
This is definitely true for my family. I am probably the most naturally smart/able to skate by, while my middle sister, who is far more diligent and hardworking, often performs better because she's willing to put in the effort. My younger sister has a lot of issues with book smarts, but she is WAY more popular than either of us ever were. She's one of the mean kids in middle school, while I was one of the ones who got picked on, or at least, ignored.

I remember realizing in middle school that almost ALL of the "popular" kids had an older sibling. I'm not sure why -- I hope I've been there for my sister to advise her against disastrous outfits and makeup in ways no one did for me, etc., but it is interesting to think about.
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stoprobbers
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
The oldest is always the best. I should know, because I am one.
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lalaland13
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
Pretty much everyone in my family has some form of depression or anxiety. I got treatment, my brother refused. I finished college, but he, despite his full ride, did not. I don't know how that happened. My dad even told me once he always thought I'd have "more trouble" in school. Thanks, Dad.
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swimmingly
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
I am the middle child. However, my older brother screwed up, and continues to be a pretty big mess on a regular basis. So I am on track for grad school, and he spent the last 6 years working on an associate's degree which he probably won't ever finish. And my little brother is a lot closer to my end of the spectrum. For those of us who had older siblings who couldn't get it together, this argument doesn't work. We're the ones seeking the approval and working our asses off; however, for me the nag factor was never there. I was motivated to NOT EVER be my brother. It's so interesting to see how me and my younger brother are so similar, and my older brother is off setting fires in his life right and left. I think it has a lot more to do with the child/teenager than nurturing.
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LolaQuinn is full of beans
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
Between me and my sister, I got the short end of the genetic stick. She's smarter, cuter, and more successful than I'll ever be. So I made up for it in typical little sibling fashion: Fucking up all through high school. Awww yeah.
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kemperboyd
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
Is noone on here a youngest? I'm the 2nd of 2. My older brother had dyslexia and was given a lot of slack with his gardes but we always did the same. We even got the same at Uni. He's a teacher, married, owns his own house and I'm sitting in my mothers house right after a massive row about how I have no ambition.
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emilyanne
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
Plus actually all three of us were wild growing up, my mother sometimes said feral. And prone to running into trouble. I'm the most academically successful though and the only one with a traditional university degree and graduate degrees and that probably is due to wanting to make my father proud as the eldest.
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randomnessish
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
Ugh, I hate this. I have such issues with being the younger sister...I'm always comparing myself to my sister, who I've always felt was prettier, smarter, more competitive, and more successful than I am. Maybe it's just my low self esteem, but I always looked up to her as a kid, and even now, and it's been discouraging (she's also kind of a bitch, for real). And then she sends me links to scientific studies saying that first-borns are smarter, taller (she is), and more succesful...UGH. I've decided that I'm just going to do my thing and try not to think about it.
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LolaQuinn is full of beans
07/07/09

@randomnessish: I feel ya. I don't think the "comparing" thing ever stops, it's like it's always there.
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rah29
07/07/09

@randomnessish: Dude, I feel you, and I'm the older sister! I've always had massive envy issues because my sister is so much thinner, prettier and infintely more popular than me (and she gets away with murder). Trust, your sis almost certainly compares herself to you as well, even if she doesn't admit it.
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Triphena
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
I'd like to know how this would apply to the world record 64-children-by-one-mother family. I mean, would kid 32 be really any more or less neglected than kids 16 and 48?
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Samanthrax
07/07/09

@Triphena: Wait, what? ONE woman birthed 64 children through the same, singular vagina?
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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
I;d sooner believe it than a horoscope.
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JinxyMcDeath
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
Younger sibling syndrome has run-rampant for years. Almost all my friends are the oldest and they have one younger sibling. They did well in school, got lots of degrees, etc. The younger ones go to community college, still live at home, etc. It's an odd pattern to ignore. It's the same in my family as well.

I think it's because parents are harder are their first borns and slacker on the younger kids. They let a lot of shit go with the 2nd kids, probably more than they should...
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Flackette Goes Retro
07/07/09

@JinxyMcDeath: This is the situation with me and my friends. Although my brother definitely isn't lazy, he has been in and out of school, "exploring options." He works full-time now in a tough job as a corrections officer in a federal max prison, but is temporarily living at home again. Once I left at 17, I haven't been back for more than a few weeks in the summer and 4 months after graduate when I was job-searching. I could never go back to living with my parents unless in dire straits.
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JinxyMcDeath
07/07/09

@Flackette Goes Retro: We are the same person.
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rah29
07/07/09

@JinxyMcDeath: That's so funny, my younger sister and I are completely the opposite. I'm the slacker in the family; I was the one that needed parental pushing to achieve my 'potential' (even then I came up with ingenious napping strategies). I coasted through school on brains and bravado and only discovered hard work when I got to college. I certainly was happy to have parents do things for me if I could get away with it.

Meanwhile my little sister actually has always needed to be told to relax and work less hard. She's ferociously independent and has been a slogger all her life, as a hardcore dancer and now a medical student. I've seen her sit and study for 7 or 8 straight hours, whereas after 45 minutes I'm drifting off, experimenting with interesting new ways of sitting, drawing intricately-shaded portraits of my hand, that kind of thing... (yeah I make a great doctoral student). Maybe it's just a personality thing. The last thing my sister ever needed was a push from parents, except maybe to chill out and eat some cake.
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Dodgergirl
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
See, I think middle children have a perpetual need to prove ourselves and overcome our inferiority complex that makes us hardworking and awesome.

Middle children will rule the world, mark my words!
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ellaesther
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
Also, it should be noted (because I would like it so noted) that though I am the youngest, I have the highest IQ in my family of three siblings.

Making me, I suppose, the Nick Jonas of our little brood!

(Hold on, how does Frankie, the Bonus Jonas, figure into this?! Damn it, now my quip is drained of relevance).
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Little Green Frog (Wise Latina)
07/07/09

@ellaesther: So that means you are the only one with a smidgen of musical talent?
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save jinger
07/07/09

@Little Green Frog: And the one that all the preteen girls want to date?
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ellaesther
07/07/09

@Little Green Frog: Oddly enough, yes, I am the only one in my family with a smidgen of musical talent! I am Nick!

@save jinger: Or maybe not. Because that has not come to my attention.
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save jinger
07/07/09

@ellaesther: Well, you don't have to be like him in every way.
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andBegorrah
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
Just keep moving the kids around like a shell game and everything will come out even.
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kellieherson
07/07/09

In reply to Does Birth Order Really Matter?
I think birth order possibly does work in traditional, problem-free white-bread, suburban, affluent, two-parent-two-point-five-child... families--- but who actually has one of those? I know more significant things happened to me in my childhood than being the first born.
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Flackette Goes Retro
07/07/09

@kellieherson: At least on the surface, I have one of those families (2 parents, married, 2 kids, 1 dog, brick 3 BR house, etc). Now, the fact that at any given time 3 out of 4 of us are on mental health meds and in counseling is another story.
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Her Grace
07/07/09

@kellieherson: @jrogers: I think these sort of studies exclude families where children are, for any reason, different--developmentally, physically, what have you. I'm the older of two by 4 and a half years, but I am also in the process of being diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. Some of these stereotypes do fit our family, and many do not, and I think my brother would agree.
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