I love cardigans. Love them! Sometimes I shy away from yellow because I'm not sure it can be worn with black without being all bumble-bee-ish. But this works! And it want it.
Featherweight merino sweater, $88; abstract rose-print dress, $165.

Sometimes a girl in a tie is too "Hi, my name is Marcy, may I take your order?" But this is just added interest. And! The tights! Unexpected color, so chic.
Boatneck city tee, $35; felted wool mini, $98.

Another cardigan. But with rust-colored corduroys, and not in a third grade way.
Lydia blouse, $88; stretch vintage matchstick cord, $$79.50; Serengeti midheels, $175.

Pout! This is how I want to dress. Like I am a pulled-together adult woman with a job. Instead, I lean towards muumuus and track pants. I just decided, this very minute, that I need a blouse.
Isabel blouse, $88; seaside wave locket, $55; serge pencil skirt, $128.

Okay, never mind. This is how I want to dress. Casual elegance. Easy sophistication. Half uptown, half downtown. Haha, who am I kidding? I like kitsch and platforms and drama. But a girl can dream…
Sequined chiffon-ruffled cardigan, $110; slim stretch shirt, $59.50; distressed vintage slim jean, $135.

Gorgeous! Note to self: Play with tones and textures, pair shiny with nubby/matte. Covet those dotty little heels.
Wool-cashmere shawl-collar cardigan, $145; cotton-silk lawn twisted-placket shirt, $68; trixie heels, $248; sharkskin skirt, $165.

Another tie. I think we can agree that Avril Lavigne does not own this look, that we can take it back. Am I wrong? I just think this looks sharp. I love an ensemble with a little wink, a little something that makes it different and unique. But even without the shirt and tie, this dress is great: Versatile and plain old cute.
Dream Silvie dress, $138.

You guys, I don't even like kids. Not really, anyway. I mean I used to, but then I spent so many years babysitting I got kind of burned out. But this! This is just… Sigh.

Gah. My ovaries!

Oh! Well! Hello there! I'd like to place an order for delivery…

[J. Crew]

Leah and two co-workers decided to spend their lunch break shopping instead of working out and headed over to an Old Navy store, at which they were detained by 6 police officers for shoplifting for more than ninety minutes. They hadn't taken a thing, hadn't put anything in a purse — but they did have the "misfortune" of being being black while trying to shop. Mall security had called police upon spotting a "gang of shoplifters" entering the store — Leah and her two friends. No one in the store, the mall or certainly among the police bothered to apologize to the women for the mistake, though a letter from Leah to the CEO of The Gap got the store manager fired for his behavior.

Leah and her friends are exactly the kind of shoppers The Gap should be (and probably is, at the corporate level) trying to attract — the kind of shopper who will drop by regularly on a lunch break or one the way home for an impulse buy. Affluent, young, successful women who would likely remain loyal to the brand for years to come, who have now soured on the experience and the company (and who are talking to the press about it) because some manager assumed that they were shoplifters because of the color of their skin.

Brand Loyalty Strong Among Minorities [Brandweek]
New 'Buying Power' Report Shows Blacks Still Outspend Other Ethnic Segments [Target Market News]
Behind the Scenes: Black and shopping in America [CNN]

Most items mentioned are available in sizes XS-XXXL.

This stuff is not just for teenagers! Wear the dress to work with a cardigan; the trench with trousers. Pretend you didn't see those pre-torn jeans.

These are the jeans that you should wear with the previous trench. Plus: The Karmann-Ghia is my dream car!

Cotton blouse with lace inset! Under $32! Actually, everything on this page — except for the pre-torn jeans — is pretty great. And that includes the vintage luggage, which, sadly, is not for sale.

While all of these are cute, your best bet is the Sackrace dress. Cotton. In white or black. Up to XXXL. Forty bucks.

I have this dress. I get so many compliments on it. It's so crisp and easy and looks cool with silver bangles and gladiator sandals. Highly recommended; now on sale.

Skinny jeans! I know they are much-debated. I think they can be slimming. You may disagree. But check this out:

Wide leg, trouser cut and boot cut. From sizes 1-25. Awesome fall colors. All under $40.

More dresses! I've already ordered that drop-waist one on the left. I'll let you know how it goes.

The top and the dress are pretty great. Ixnay on the eansjay and the ootsbay.

I also ordered this blouse. Cotton! 35 bucks! I'll pair it with a pencil skirt and the kooky oxford heels I got at Payless.

[Alloy]

Look at how happy they are! Not a care in the world! I want what they have! And by that I mean $45 skinny jeans.

Cardigans are my life. Winter, spring, summer or fall. With dresses, pencil skirts, A-line skirts, jeans, sneakers, heels, evening gowns and pajamas. $39.50? I'll take one each in berry, black, oatmeal and heather gray, thanks.

Oh, and one of each on this page.

Whoa. Pass. They can't all be winners.

Even if you live in a place called OverThirty, as I do, and therefore probably won't wear this stuff, you can appreciate that there's something refreshing about these images. It's almost enough to quell a jaded soul.

Each one of these darling summer dresses is under 35 bucks. You're welcome.

Happy happy, joy, joy.

[Delias]

All of the items are from H&M.

First item: Sleeve-less mid-thigh length dress made from 100% silk (I know!) and retailing for $69.90. The simple design made me think it would do best as a Calvin Klein item.

Second item: High-waisted and below-the-knee skirt made from polyester and retailing for $49.90. I took a look at Anna's grab-bag of mid-90s designer labels and decided that this item could be pulled off as a Donna Karan piece.

Third item: Knit tank-top made from polyester and silk and retailing for $34.90. I could just imagine a wealthy northern Italian woman lounging around in this top, so Gucci for this one.

Fourth item: Sleeve-less polyester top with tie around the waist retailing for $29.90. This top seemed very much like something you would find in the window of some girly boutique that is featured in Lucky, thus Pamela Barish seemed like a good fit.

First stop: Tokio 7:
After mulling around for a few minutes, trying to get the attention of the staff while knee-deep in the most horrendous/fabulous collection of mid-90s designer items, I finally get someone to look at my offerings. The buyer, a Japanese man in his forties, runs down the consignment policy about 50 times which I pretty much ignore because, obviously, I'm not actually trying to sell this stuff. The "Pamela Barish" top is up first: he asks me who the designer is and then gets into a lengthy conversation with another saleswoman in Japanese. I start to sweat bullets, thinking that the jig is up, but he announces that he would sell the top for $60, the "Donna Karan" skirt for $180, and the "Gucci" top for $80. His eyebrows raise a couple times when looking at the "Calvin Klein" dress but he ultimately he gives me a number of $250. Wow!

Second stop: Cadillac's Castle:
Feeling confident that my items passed the taste test at Tokio 7, I head over to Cadillac's Castle with a spring in my step. There, my attention is drawn to a Proenza Schouler for Target dress on a rack selling for $45. (It retailed for $35). I also notice a few dusty Century 21 items (red dot on the tag!) selling for a couple hundred dollars. A salesclerk directs me to the buyer, a forties-ish woman with blue eyeliner and that I-used-to-party-with-Andy-Warhol-but-now-I-take-Pilates-classes-in-the-Village kind of look who smirks in self-satisfaction as she pulls the corners of the tags on all my items off with almost no effort — and those things took me 8 hours to sew on! — and tosses them back to me. The salesclerk looks on with a mixture of anger and horror. (Perhaps they learned their lesson after the last time we made a visit?) As I walk out of the store I hear the woman say loudly, "I mean come on, right?" I feel a bit shaken and defeated, but whatever. Onward and eastward!

Third Stop: Beacon's Closet:: Okay, so this Williamsburg store isn't exactly a "high-end consignment store," but they have a pretty large collection of designer items, so, when I heard my friend would be making an appearance with some goodies of her own to sell, I threw in my items with hers and tagged along. The rail-thin hipster girls that looked through our items toss out a majority of my friend's items, giving monotone excuses like "we already have too many tops in this size," but they take a majority of my friend's H&M and Forever 21 castoffs. Finally my items appear. One of the girls carefully inspects the back of the dress and skirt (checking for period stains, perhaps?) and then says she would sell the "Calvin Klein" for $39.95 and the "Donna Karan" for $18.95. After engaging in a small tug-o-war with the buyer when I try to retrieve the goods, she tells me she could sell the "Gucci" top for $19.95 and the "Pamela Barish" top for $12.95. Interestingly, even though Beacon's Closet's buyers are known for being snobby and a bit off-putting, they seem a lot more interested in the actual items than the labels. In fact, they offer more for one of my friend's H&M summer jackets than any of my "designer" pieces. Hrmph!)

The Final Tally:
• H&M dress (original price, $69.90) masquerading as Calvin Klein: 2 for 3 with a top price of $250.
• H&M knit tank top (original price, $34.90) masquerading as Gucci: 2 for 3 with a top price of $80.
• H&M blouse (original price $29.90) masquerading as Pamela Barish: 2 for 3 with a top price of $60.
• H&M skirt (original price $49.90) masquerading as Donna Karan: 2 for 3 with the a top price of $180.

Earlier: Label Whores Head To Tampa
Label Whores Hit The East Village

For one, I think lying in relationships is counterproductive. I consider it extremely disrespectful to my intelligence (because especially in a close relationship, the truth comes out eventually) and to the purpose of having a relationship in the first place. Isn't the goal to have someone to love you for who you are, shoe addiction and all? It's obviously one thing if you're trying to save for a house, or a new car, or simply to pay off your credit card debt, but if you have the money to buy one, then what does a shirt matter?

I just keep thinking, though, there's no need for deception in the first place. If it's so important for you to consume without regret, it's easy enough to keep your money separate. Several friends of mine do this — you get one joint account from which the bills are paid and contribute to that as you agree, and then keep your own accounts. As long as the mortgage is paid, the 401K is growing and nobody is going into debt on the sly, then her money is hers and his is his and no one complains about the new golf clubs or the new shoes because no one is feeling like they contribute to the joint expenses more than the other, or that their money is feeding the other person's silly spending habits.

Spouses Who Spend And Pretend [Wall Street Journal]

A digital video camera! In exciting colors! And the company is called DGXUSA so it must be made in Amurrica. What do you mean it's made in China? That's crazy talk.

An eco-friendly lawn mower, perfect for punishing teenagers. Better get two.

It's not an American holiday unless you cook meat over fire. The Nu-Wave oven ought to be black and come with a smiley face T-shirt. Oh, wait, that's Nu Rave. Make that a Cure T-shirt, then. As for the year-round grill, I'd think there was a problem with it if my mind were not addled due to carbon monoxide poisoning.

It's not Memorial Day without a flag!

Oh, dear. Nothing classes up a lawn like some PVC critters.

A hammock is key for day-off lounging, but let's discuss the well. Because a well in the yard means Precious Moments™ in the house. Am I right?

Jewelry makes any holiday memorable! Get an eagle pendant to prove your patriotism. Or some CZ earrings. I love how they have a black dude for illustrative purposes, like, "Hey, it's okay for men to wear Diamonique studs. See? This black guy does it. So it must be cool."

If anyone tries to critique your grilling technique, bust a cap in 'em. Kidding! Violence is never the answer. But the threat of injury can often be effective. Just tuck the semi-automatic on the lower right into your apron or the back of your jeans. They'll get the message.

[Fingerhut]

Earlier: Christmas Shopping With Fingerhut: The Fun, The Funny & The Fugly

So. Fresh cut, huh? Heh, heh. Would you believe that compared to the rest, this page is tame?

"Good looks you can't help but notice. Ergonomically designed to make the most of what you've got," reads the copy for these styles. The enhancement bikini is good for "creating a noticeable bulge — even through jeans." Blushing yet? I know, I know. This underwear reveals everything. You can practically see their zodiac signs.

Oh, snap! Snaps are awesome! How come all underwear doesn't come with snaps, huh? Can't think of a snappy retort? Anyway: I dare you to imagine every man you see today is wearing one of these items under his clothes. This includes the dudes you work with and people on TV. (Barack Obama? Larry King?)

The web brief (H)is horrifying. Nightmare-inducing, even. But the ring thong is fun, because it kind of looks like the face of a baboon!

Someone got the memo about looking for a few good men.

What's worse? The padded butt briefs, the scoopneck tee, the blue underwear or that guy's haircut? Seriously. I can't decide.

"Dude, those lace-up briefs are hot, but they could be hotter." "Ya think? "Yeah. You need a puka shell necklace. Here." "Thanks." "Score!"

Eenie meenie miney moe, let's say you go to the beach with someone you know: Which of these swimsuits would you rather he wear? If you had to pick one... and your guy's not allowed to wax "down there."

Earlier: Searching For The Worst Outfit In 'International Male'
8 Products From SkyMall You Can Use To Kill Someone

1. Air Gun
The trick with this is to lodge the ping-pong ball in the victim's throat, thereby blocking the airway to the lungs and suffocating him. It may take some time, and isn't good for fast-moving targets. It is good for people who won't shut the fuck up, however.

2. The Nuclear Globe
This inflatable ball may look like tons of fun, but imagine sending your victim into shark-infested waters? Or a river that — unbeknownst to him — has a steep and rocky waterfall? There may also be a way to kill or maim someone with that "Floating Fiesta" thing but I haven't figured it out yet. Suggestions welcome.

3. Jäger Tap
Simple: Replace the Jäger with antifreeze or some kind of homemade hemlock juice. Cheers!

4. Lawn Aerator Sandals
A swift kick to the face with these spiked shoes will maim; a subsequent stomping should kill.

5. My Muletto
I find the word "muletto" vaguely offensive, but I like the idea of being able to somehow use these straps to drive the heel of your shoe into a victim's eye socket. They should make the strap out of bungee cord, actually, so the shoe boomerangs back after doing damage.

6. Animated Hitch Critters
All you really have to do is drive in front of someone with this crap on the back of your car. Surely they'll be all "WTF" and distractedly tailgate; just swerve away and you'll never be a suspect in the resulting fiery crash.

7. BodyGard 5-In-1 Emergency Tool
Between the glass breaker and the seat belt cutter, it should be easy to dispatch someone in an "emergency." Especially if you're on an airplane. Or in a submarine. (If only Charlie on Lost had been able to break that glass!)

8. Batman Begins Cane Sword
Self-explanatory. Adding the ring and money clip would be a nice touch, but is not mandatory.

Earlier: SkyMall: Shopping The Friendly Skies For Pointless Products
More SkyMall: The Mile-High Commerce Club
Searching For The Worst Outfit In 'International Male'
Urban Outfitters, Free People & Anthropologie: What's The Difference?

Upon first glance, the orange shirt with pulled-out collar under a white double-breasted jacket is unsavory enough. But look again: Pre-creased jeans and blue suede shoes. Barf bag, anyone?

Squareneck tank and doo-doo brown shorts = Not sexy.

While everything on this page is awful, honorable mention goes to the "Caribbean silk shirt" with laces. Not even Johnny Depp, aka Captain Jack Sparrow, could make that acceptable. Congrats, Dude With Sun-In-Lightened Hair.

"Sleek and modern, suiting gets down to business." Pray tell: Which sort of business calls for an elongated Nehru jacket or a pin-striped leather blazer? Really. Love to know.

Try to decide which color is the worst: Silver, black, or gold. Then get distracted thinking about what would happen if you snagged a fingernail on this shirt.

Sterilize yourself in 2.5 seconds!

The side trimmer, top left, smooths out your love handles, while the one-piece body trimmer below has a panel for your pesky tummy. As for the padded butt brief, well, it should be obvious. Not pictured: The humiliation you'll feel if anyone finds out you own or are wearing one of these items.

Okay, okay, gauze has a casual, comfy, beachy vibe. But gauze overalls? What could be worse?

Never mind.

If you're playing a gangster in a cartoon from the 1930s, this coat is acceptable. Otherwise? No.

This was a hot look once. Marcus Shenkenberg was a hot new male model and Extreme's "More Than Words" was a hot new song on the charts. Those days are over.

Leather overalls? They're just taunting us now.

We have a winner! This has got to be the worst. You probably always wondered where fake vampires shop. (Real vampires would wear Dior.)

[International Male]

Earlier: Urban Outfitters, Free People & Anthropologie: What's The Difference?
Harry, David, Dean & Deluca: Chocolate Pagan Easter Symbols And $6,000 Caviar
Free People: Someone Watched The Darjeeling Limited Before Booking This Photo Shoot
'Wooden Soldier' Tortures Your WASPy Spawn With Horrifying, Anachronistic Duds
Pottery Barn, Anthropologie & West Elm: Bedding Porn For Sleepyheads
Brooks Brothers: This Christmas, WASPs Are Mad For Plaid

[London, April 8. Images via Splash.]

The interesting part is that since the scientists were using gambling in their study, erotic photos (which have nothing to do with gambling) are considered "irrelevant stimuli." Brian Knutson, assistant professor of psychology and lead author of the Stanford study, explains, "If you go to the casinos, people are wearing skimpy costumes, they're giving you free alcohol, there are bells and lights and things like that, which don't necessarily seem related to the odds of the gambling. But these are cues that might activate brain regions that encourage risk-taking and therefore get people to gamble more." So let's get this straight: Men subconsciously crave half-nekkid women, and women subconsciously crave brownies?

Irrelevant Image Of Attractive Woman Can Make A Man More Willing To Take Big Financial Risks [Science Daily]
Earlier: Delicious Scents Make You Drop Cash

Metallics are still hot hot hot. Gucci Hightops, $425 [Gucci]

A sleek, mature alternative to all of the loud sneakers with bells and whistkes, Stella McCartney's gym boot is part architecture, part modern art. $225 [Adidas]

These sneakers may look like the Converse Charles Taylor model, but they're better, because they're Burberry! $295 [Neiman Marcus]

If you plan to actually use your sneakers to work out, be sure to try a shoe from Masai Barefoot Technology, which increases thigh muscle activity by 19%. It's almost swimsuit season! $249, MBT [Zappos]

And we musn't forget baby! Your sweetums may have been born with a silver spoon in her mouth, but she deserves gold on her feet!
Dior baby sneakers, $175 [eLuxury]

Always Buying Sneakers? It's The Sign Of A Leader: Poll [Reuters]
20,000 Vietnam Nike Workers Strike [Time]

• OMG Christina Aguilera looks so pretty in these Hitchcock-inspired Stephen Webster ads! It's like, we finally see what Christina Aguilera has been going for all these years with this excessive bombshell crap — and it is good. The wonders of Photoshop, folks! [Sassybella]
  
• Contrary to the rumors being reported like everywhere, Gisele Bundchen says she is not designing a line in — oh Jesus Christ, this word again — "collaboration" with Dolce & Gabbana. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Eva Mendes gets to keep her Calvin Klein perfume gig despite her stint in rehab. Somewhere Lohan is burning each and every piece of Jill Stuart she owns. Ha ha ha, as if she could find a specific of clothing in that mess. Just burn down the whole closet, Linds! [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Memo from the U.S. Court of Appeals to Polo Ralph Lauren: You don't own the image of a polo player, and you can't tell the U.S. Polo Association you do. But hey, nice try protecting that sophisticated "intellectual property" of yours! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Rashida Jones is backing an eco-friendly clothing line called Laloo. [Perez Hilton]

• Yeah, yeah, we heard: Matthew McConaughey and his babymama are designing a surfwear line together. [People]
• Insane(ly arrogant) designer Tara Subkoff sold off her Imitation of Christ label last year to Sass & Bide's ex-CEO. Only now she wants it back and, as can only be expected with her, is being a total snot about it. [Sassybella]
• Anna Wintour: Into basketball now? [Page Six]
• The Gap is getting a leeeeetle too cool for school, collaborating with the Whitney Museum, commissioning artists like Jeff Koons, Chuck Close, and Barbara Kruger to create limited edition t-shirts for the retail chain. Which is, well, sorta pretentious and annoying and more importantly like that's how you expect to start selling clothes again, Gap? [Fashion Week Daily]
• What happens to a designer's wares between the runway and showroom presentation? They alter them into things that people might actually wear! [WSJ]
• Estee Lauder: Now headed to a Home Shopping Network near you. [WWD, sub req'd]
• These kicks aren't for kids, but for girls! Pro Mama sneakers by Adidas...and Gabriella Davi-Khorasanee. [Chic Report]
• Also, Adidas profits are up. [NYT]
• But Neiman Marcus and Saks profits are down. Horrors! [NYT]
• And Roberto Cavalli is looking to sell off part of his eponymous label to a private equity firm. Man, will these private equity guys never run out of cash to burn? [WSJ]
• Want good skin? Moisturize. Also, don't drink, smoke, or let the light of day come in contact with your skin. [BellaSugar]

• M.I.A. on playing the role of spokesmodel, DJ and popular celeb sighting during NY Fashion Week: "Last year I wasn't let into the Marc Jacobs party and this year I own it!" Ah, groundedness. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• International Herald Tribune fashion critic and former MJ nemesis Suzy Menkes really liked this season's (punctual!) (we're still getting over that!!) Marc Jacobs show: "It was such a good show, I would've waited three hours for it." Tell that to Robin Givhan's dog, Suze. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• On a darker note, is Marc's mom in rehab? [NY Daily News]
  
• Spain is encouraging apparel manufacturers to start making clothing sizes for three distinct different body types: hourglass, pear, and cylinder. [NYT]

• Join the Rachel Hunter-faced "Style Your Slim" Slimfast program and automatically become part of the American Express fashion rewards program. Because a woman who commits to a lifetime of shakes for breakfast, lunch and a sensible dinner is definitely committing to a lifetime of clothing sizes that change every two months. Yay, money! [FabSugar]
• Loulou de la Falaise, onetime muse to Yves Saint Laurent, to shill costume jewelry for Home Shopping Network. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Comme des Garcons designer Rei Kawakubo has partnered with Speedo to design "the fastest swimsuit ever." [WWD, sub req'd]
• Showing her Red Label line in London clearly isn't activist enough for Vivienne Westwood, who has made encouraging English designers to show in their home country into a full-out political cause. Says Red Label managing director/Westwood mouthpiece Carlo D'Amario, "London has become the global reference point for creativity and never like now there is a need for a permanent platform for the promotion of dynamic British and European talent... I call on John Galliano, Alexander McQueen and Burberry among others to show their younger distribution lines here in London and unite to make London Fashion Week and London not only a centre for creativity but also for business." Talk about a rebel without a cause. [Vogue UK]
• Jezebel girl crush Tilda Swinton on her plans for Oscar fashion: "My pajamas! I'll be watching them from home." [Fashion Week Daily]
• Hush Puppies: Still around! [The Street]
• Revlon is reissuing its Kiss Me Coral lipstick after London-based designer Roksanda Ilinicic pulled the color from their archives to use in tomorrow's London fashion week show. Our grandmother will be so, um, "tickled"! [Vogue UK]
• How did unsigned unknown Argentinian singer-songwriter Lights nab a gig to do the soundtrack for all Old Navy's latest look-how-hip-we-are ads? Turns out some folks still use MySpace! [AdAge]

"Spring arrives," begins the copy. And yet the calendar claims we actually have two more months. Well, here's a pretty dress with which to prepare.
(Kay Unger, $280)

As a fan of animal print it pains me to admit that this coat hurts my eyes.
(Michael Michael Kors, $185)

Gorgeous top! Perhaps season-pushing isn't all bad.
(Karen Kane, $138)

Except this isn't season-pushing, this is straight-up dreaming. Is anyone in the northern hemisphere prepared to bare shoulders right now? This isn't even spring-appropriate, this is a summer dress.
(Sutton Studio, $199)

Ow. Look, even the model's eyes hurt from viewing this abysmal ensemble. If this is a preview of spring, let's hope the groundhog never comes out.
(Eva Varro tunic, $159; pants, $129)

Oooh, love the sandals! The sunglasses are nicely oversized although they're by dreadful Juicy Couture. And the rain jacket is super cute as far as rain jackets go. OMG the pushing has been successful. Call me a pushover.
(Juicy Couture sunglasses, $135; Kors Michael Kors "Chic" sandal, $215; Aqua cropped waterproof jacket, $138)

Good heavens. If this sweater makes a professional model look thick-waisted and large hipped, what will it do to a mere mortal? Going back into hibernation now, kthxbai.
(Sutton Studio sweater coat, $169)

Earlier: J. Jill Vs. J. Crew: It's A Fashion Showcase Showdown
Frederick's Of Hollywood: Not As Slutty As You Might Think! (But Still Pretty Slutty)
Pottery Barn, Anthropologie & West Elm: Bedding Porn For Sleepyheads

• Karl Lagerfeld has designed a lead figurine of himself, to be sold as a limited edition (1,000 units only) for $300 at Paris boutique Colette. Perfect for teaching etiquette, nutrition, and brand-expansion strategy to your Homies! [WWD, 3rd item]
  
• Agyness Deyn has replaced Drew Barrymore as the face of English designer Giles Deacon's diffusion line, Gold. Anyway, if they were looking for someone less overexposed than Drew Barrymore, they failed. [Vogue UK]
  
• Aw, gender equality! Male models are getting freakishly thin, too. [NY Mag]
  
• Diane von Furstenberg: "Is it clothes that make you glamorous? I don't think so! Glamour is shine, glamour is having an aura, and that is not just about clothes or makeup — I am very often without makeup, and I always look for comfortable clothes. For me, it's important to be who you are, or — even better—to be who you want to be." This doesn't exactly make sense, but at least it seems sincere! [BlackBook]

• The couture shows start in Paris on Monday. And are the suits behind the labels worried about the sucky economy and the fact that, uh, no one can afford couture? Nah, they're just worried it might rain. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Stupid celebrities attending the upcoming couture shows: Ellen Pompeo will be attending Armani "exclusively" (well, excuse us!) and Gossip Girl star Blake Lively is being taken by Vanity Fair to Chanel, Valentino, and Gauliter. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Oh the anticipation, it kills us. A documentary entitled Valentino: The Last Emperor (made by Vanity Fair correspondent Matt Tyrnauer) makes its debut in May at Cannes. [Vogue UK]
• Heidi Klum will be wearing a custom-made John Galliano to the Oscars in February (um, presuming the Oscars actually happen this year), which is somehow supposed to raise awareness for Diet Coke's Heart Truth campaign to educate women about heart disease. Yeah, we don't get it either. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Badgley Mischka are on Martha Stewart today showing bridal looks. Must watch. [Chic Report]
• Okay, not gonna lie: I actually really do want to learn how to get Blake "Serena van der Woodsen" Lively's make-up look. [BellaSugar]
• Barneys New York: Now in Vegas. The store was designed to look a little trashy to, y'know, match the Vegas aesthetic. "There's more glitter here," says Barneys creative director Simon Doonan. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Home Shopping Network is debuting a line of products by Dr. David Watts, which he claims will delay customers' inevitable need for plastic surgery. [WWD, sub req'd]
• American Eagle is starting a line of children's clothing called 77kids, aimed at 2-10-year olds. Just in case you were worried that your kids weren't emblazoned in logos at a young enough age. [WWD, sub req'd]
• It Bag-makers Mulberry just announced that they're going to start doing shoes, also. And today they announced they'll be adding eyewear as well. Way to diffuse the brand, guys. [WWD, 5th item]
• Designer Monique Lhullier's new Bel-Air home is featured on the cover of ELLE Decor this month. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Sass & Bide is doing a diffusion line called Vie that is supposedly reasonably priced. [Okay, note to self: Ask Jen what a "diffusion line" is. Is it like a "bridge" line, only with more particles? -Moe] Pieces range from $63-$260. Your call whether that's reasonably priced or not. [FabSugar]
• Yay for the Gap for making their new CFO a woman. We wish Sabrina Simmons well in her new position. [The Street]
• Vanessa Williams on her retail therapy: "It's much more fun buying shoes at night, after dinner and a few drinks. It just doesn't hurt as much." Note to self: Always get drunk before Prada. [Fashion Week Daily]

But is this kind of "anything goes" shopping really shocking? Even if you do have loads of money, not everything you need can be found at Neiman Marcus. Target has swept the nation with kooky ad campaigns and quality products, but in a world of $26,000 handbags, aren't all women just thankful the so-called "discount" stores like Target, Kmart and Wal-Mart carry items that are priced realistically?

High-Income Women Covet Luxury, Still Eye Bargains [Reuters]

Will Wal-Mart start pumping the scent of French-fries into stores? Will all of Las Vegas reek of Bundt cake? Stores really need to do something to lure shoppers in: According to the Wall Street Journal, MasterCard is reporting a surge in online sales, especially in luxury goods. But the next time you're shopping online — from the comfort of your own home — ask yourself: Do I really want that YSL bag, or do I just smell that dinner's almost ready?

Stimulating the appetite can lead to unrelated impulse purchases [EurekAlert!]
Retail Sales Fall in Some Categories But Surge Online, MasterCard Says [WSJ]

A capacious bag which carries a small but useful umbrella for the woman who goes out every day — an evening bag of fine old brocade for the lady who loves the correct things for evening. Choose felt flowers for the sports woman, and fragile flowers for the friend in love. Pajamas are the smartest of gifts for certain ladies, and negligees for others.

Monday, Dec. 17, 1928: What Women Want For Christmas [Star-Tribune]

• Donna Karan's in love! The lucky guy is a male model, and a full two years older than "half her age." [Page Six]
  
• Barney's New York Creative Director/bon vivant Simon Doonan has a new book coming out in April 2008 titled Eccentric Glamour. Tagline: "Say no to ho." And yes to fashion appreciated exclusively by homos! [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Diane von Furstenberg to Amex cardholders who forked over $550 to hear her speak at her NYC flagship store, "For those of you who don't know, this is the Meatpacking District. A lot of Japanese tour buses go around and say, 'Oh, this is where Diane von Furstenberg lives.'" Uh, they do? [Fashion Week Daily]

• French Connection UK is abandoning FCUK to focus on more traditional, "high fashion" ads. We think a better idea would be if they were to just tag a bunch of their ads FUCK, and restore some of that initial brand-defining dyslexia, but no one listens to us. [WWD, 2nd item]
• "We're bringing uptown downtown, and teaching heiresses how to wear flip-flops and young SoHo girls how to invest in a fabulous python handbag." Big goals, brought to you by Michael Kors. [Fashion Week Daily]
• If you live in New York and if you care, alum Emmett McCarthy is having a sale at his store tomorrow. [Blogging Project Runway]
• Elle Macpherson to host Project Runway Australia. [Sassybella]
• Attention PETA: Anna Wintour is hosting an "intimate" pre-Christmas dinner at her home tomorrow night. We heard she likes foie gras! [Fashion Week Daily]
• Iman's jewelry line: one more reason to flip to the Home Shopping Network! [Vogue UK]
• Lazy shoppers are expected to spend $30 billion on gift cards this year. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Ooh! The incredibly brain-eroding "Which Supermodel Are You? quiz! I am Linda Evangelista. [BellaSugar]

Oh, dear. When is this ever appropriate? Fur with fur rosettes? My, my, my. (Natural chinchilla stole with black cashmere and chinchilla rosette trim, $6,500)

So maybe they stole the padlock idea from YSL, but you've got to love that lock looking straight outta Home Depot; it's like a mix of common and posh, lowbrow and highbrow, working class and upper class. Or just, you know, shiny. (Furla satchel, $515)

Eh, not sure. The gray is nice, but top to bottom it's kind of like, fug, fugger and fuggest, especially at these prices. (Burberry "Shimmer Check" collection in cotton/Lurex with leather trim: key pouch, $95; mini doctor's bag, $295; tote, $395)

Oh, hey. Yeah, that's my boyfriend! Yawn, I see him like this all the time. (W Hotel robe, $125)

Yes to the tote bag and the ice cream maker; no to the ear muffs; ixnay on the Uicy-jay. (Harajuku Lovers tote, $68; Cuisinart soft serve ice cream maker, $99; Ugg ear muffs, $75; Juicy Couture gloves, $55)

Can even the most cynical among you admit that the Vera Wang Princess bottle is really kind of adorable? (Vera Wang Truly Pink, $87; Vera Wang Princess, $68; Vera Wang Eau de Parfum, $87)

New fashion trend: Florence Nightingale chic! (Ellen Tracy capelet sweater, $328; turtleneck, $298)

Dudes, a note: Chances are a $95 T-shirt, massage oil or cartoon-y messenger bag is is not what she wants. The bag is cute, though. (Tory Burch tees, $95; Agent Provocateur Ménage à Trois massage oil, $60; Tokidoki for LeSportSac bag, $160)

Juicy is such a fucking rip off. How do they get away with it? And it's one thing for Kim Kardashian to rock it, but when innocent children get involved, someone needs to step up and step in. (Juicy Girl hoodie, $110; pants, $92; long-sleeve tee, $62)

This woman appears to be constructed from a single tongue depressor. (Calvin Klein bra, $26; yoga pants, $49; robe, $75)

My boyfriend looked better in the Barneys catalog. (Spanish shearling jacket, $1,495)

Hey, black model! And hey, expensive jacket! (Lamb bolero with dyed fox trimmed sleeves, $13,000)

These Betsey Johnson pieces are delightfully tacky. (Necklace, $50; bracelet, $45)

"¿Donde estan mis pantalones?" (Free people hat, $58; scarf, $48; "snowed in" henley, $98; pompom socks, $28)

Earlier: Doctors Foster & Smith: The Crazy Cat Lady Catalog
J. Crew's "Very Merry Gift Guide"
The Vermont Country Store: For Old Alcoholics & The Kids Who Enable Them
Bergdorf Goodman: My Kingdom For A Fountain Pen
Barneys New York: Shiny Happy People & Crazy Expensive Clothes

For your nephew:
Instead of getting trampled while trying to pick up Guitar Hero III, why not order a real guitar? Bonus points if he has hippie leanings. Include sheet music of "Blowing In The Wind."
($39.99-$99.99)

For your friend's kid with ADD:
Moon shoes will let her bounce around the house with wild abandon — and anyone under 180 lbs. can try 'em!
($39.99)

For your cousin who takes karate and loves conspiracy theories:
Anything on this page! Nurture her Kill Bill obsession with a "fantasy" knife set (throwing star included!), $49.99; help her spy on the neighbors with a telescope, $69.99; encourage her to become a bounty hunter with this horrifyingly realistic semi-automatic air pistol, $89.99; she and her brother can play "Fallujah" with a fully-automatic "M16" air rifle, $69.99. Her parents may stop speaking to you, but isn't that what you secretly hope for?

For your significant other:
As we've mentioned before, nothing says "I love you, but you're always on the freakin couch in front of the damn TV" like an acrylic/polyester/cotton "cuddlewrap." The wolf design is especially classy. ($24.99-$39.99)

For your friends who just had a baby:
Forget the teddy bears and onesies. Get the exhausted couple something they really need: A bar. Free stools! ($199.99)

For your wacky aunt:
Help her heed the call of the wild! A 23-piece bath set in mysterious tiger, lonesome egret, "band of thunder" (aka horses), and the always classy howling wolf. You may be like, why would anyone need a matching shower curtain, bath mat, lotion dispenser, tissue holder, wastebasket, toothbrush holder and shower hooks? Ours is not to wonder why, ours is but to do and die buy.

Um, is Fingerhut really telling me to "keep it real"? As the kids say, ROTFLMAO!!!

No. Please. Make it stop.

There is no way that Jesus approves of this hideous shit.

Oh wait, do they mean for Him?