Jezebel: shit

The Straight Poop

Anna — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 11:20:00 EDT

Does this remind anyone of a certain children's book? "I wrote before that Japanese people have a poop obsession. We love anthropomorphizing poop into a kind of character mascot." Love! Also: Can someone translate? [Watashi To Tokyo, via Global Voices]

Wingnut Racist And Birther Nonsense Is Making Everyone's Head Hurt

Megan — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 10:00:00 EDT

Who cares about war, peace or health care reform when one can debate structural racism, Henry Gates and/or the circumstances of Obama's birth? No one! (Certainly not me or my brain on the last day of a very long week.)

Crappy Hour July 24, 2009

How Do You Break The Poop Ice With A New Paramour?

Tracie — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:20:00 EDT

I'm leaving tonight to go on vacation. I'm taking a road trip to Tennessee and staying in a log cabin in the Smoky Mountains, going to Dollywood (Dolly is gonna be performing there!), and then onto Memphis. I'm going with my new boyfriend, whom I've only been seeing for about a month and a half. Things moved super quickly for us, and this is the fastest (and maybe only the second or third) time I've ever traveled with a boyfriend on vacation. Here's the thing: I'm freaking out about my poop. I have poop problems that I've documented here before. It's difficult enough for me to stay regular in the comforts of my own home, but when I'm in a foreign environment I become instantly and seriously constipated. On my last vacation I didn't go for eight days straight. And since I'm gonna be swimming in a heart-shaped pool at the Heartbreak Hotel in Memphis and lounging in a hot tub in Pigeon Forge, I really, really don't want to look bloated in a bikini.

OK, so my main concern is constipation, but my #2 (heh) concern is what will happen when I finally do "release." I'm expecting my period to come smack dab in the middle of this trip, so I know that will hollow out my bowels. And those period craps — while totally a welcome relief from my regular irregularity when I'm sitting alone in my apartment — are going to be a problem. Because they're always loud. And smelly. And messy. And time-consuming. And after being backed up for a few days, it's gonna be even worse. I'm not really sure how I'm going to handle it.

My relationship with this guy is so new that we haven't really crossed that bridge of pooping around one another yet. He's one of those guys that's gonna need some breaking-in as far as getting used to my incessant farting. (It's been killing me, holding them in!) But I guess if we're gonna make this relationship work, I'm gonna have to get over my poop fears. Once I get my period shit (hopefully around Sunday), this guy is gonna receive a baptism by fire.

Earlier: I Went For A Colonic And All I Got Was A Load Of Crap

The Shit Hits The Paper

Tracie — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:00:00 EDT

The kids on The Paper went on deadline for the first issue of the school year and under the new regime of Amanda as "In Chief." It seemed to be a mess. Amanda got too caught up writing her own editorial (which she edited while on the can) to actually run the operation, nobody knew how to make a PDF file, and they had to slash four pages of the issue at the last minute. Meanwhile, Adam, the hot ad sales manager, peaced so that he could go see High School Musical on ice. Clip above.

I Went For A Colonic And All I Got Was A Load Of Crap

Tracie — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:00:00 EDT

I've had poop issues for some time now. I'm pretty sure I have some kind of mild IBS, although IBS is really just a blanket term for a host of gastrointestinal problems. Anyway, I've only pooped four times in the past three weeks. (Most likely caused by my love affair with any and all cheeses.) So this weekend, on my 8th straight day of constipation, I went to NYC's Great Jones Spa for my very first colonic to try get out the shit that's been keeping me dressed in pseudo-maternity tops. Lemme tell you something: It was not fun. I guess it wasn't supposed to be, but honestly, I had to sit through 45 minutes of what felt like heavy period cramps, all while fearless Intern Betty stood by my side to film the process (and hold my crossword book for when I had to move to the toilet at the end). I felt much better afterward (and emptied myself of an impressive 2.5 lbs of poop), but I think I'll be relying on my new dairy-free diet to move me from now on. Clip above.

Pooping: The New Hot Shit

Dodai — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:40:00 EDT

Do you ever get up from the toilet and take a look at your poo? Leslie Crawford did, and wrote about it for Salon. See, there's this incredibly successful new book, What's Your Poo Telling You?, which you can pick up at Urban Outfitters, among other places. Because excrement is not just "ejecta," as Crawford calls it. Solid human waste is "a crystal ball of intestinal health." The book's authors, Josh Richman and Anish Sheth, M.D., write: "Like a snowflake, each poo has a wondrous uniqueness." Plus, many poopers experience "poo-phoria." You know the feeling:

"This poo can turn an atheist into a believer and is distinguished by the sense of euphoria and ecstasy that you feel throughout your body when this type of feces departs your system," write the coauthors. "To some, it may feel like a religious experience, to others like an orgasm, and to a lucky handful it may feel like both. This is the type of poo that makes us all look forward to spending time on the toilet."

Meanwhile, other signs that the shit has hit the fan in this country: A new book called The 'Regular' Gourmet Everyday: Sumptuous Recipes for the Gastro-intestinally Challenged; the popularity of the MasterCleanse diet; the success of Activia and other "active" yogurts; and the fact that Oprah, America's Sweetheart, can't stop talking about crap, with segments like "What Shape Should Your Poop Be?"

Maybe Oprah would like the Turd Twister? It's a butt plug, sorta, but more like the Play-Doh Fun Factory. You push your poo through, and it can be shaped like a star, a heart or a skull. It's the perfect gift for any friend who's full of shit.

The Bowel Movement [Salon]
Twist that Turd [Random Good Stuff]
What's Your Poo Telling You? [Amazon]

Related: Everyone Poops , Colors Cacas [Amazon]

Earlier: Oprah Asks: "What Shape Should Your Poop Be?"
Oprah Winfrey: Still Obsessed With Bowel Movements
Oprah To Start TV Network; Likely To Include Shows About S-Shaped Shit

The One Thing (Besides Take A Dump) You Never Do In Front Of Dudes

Moe — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 17:30:00 EST

About ten of you have emailed this list from Esquire about the things a man should never do in the company of a woman, like cleaning your gun or talking about the girls you used to fuck or "rapping" or blow-drying their hair. It's fun but not incredibly accurate; most of the dealbreakers, like calling a girl a "whore" in a way that isn't a term of endearment, or tipping less than 20%, are things we wouldn't want guys to be doing in front of anyone, Supreme Being included. (Ditto for talking about past conquests: if you find his descriptions of getting laid off-putting, isn't that just a sign you probably shouldn't do him?) So we thought we'd alter the list and unisexify it. Is there anything you only do in the presence of God and maybe pets? Besides taking a dump, that is. We asked our friends! And weirdly, dudes and females alike all said the same thing:

Pluck facial hair! Even Don does this alone. Huh?

The big runner-up for dudes was picking the nose. For girls it was, perhaps unsurprisingly, tampon related. Most of us will insert a tampon in the presence of others, but not pull out. Unless you're having sex. In which case it's kind of awesome and dirty if he pulls it out, though only commensurately with how gross and dirty it is if you can't find it in the morning and then one day, say, you spot it in the corner just as the cable guy shows up in your room.

Things A Man Should Never Do In The Company Of A Woman [MSN]