• Fran Drescher is launching a skincare line — called FranBrand — this fall on HSN. The products are organic and paraben-free, because, as Drescher puts it, "Women are schmearing stuff on their décolleté, wondering why we're all getting breast cancer..."

• "...Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep. So I'm sounding the alarm." Drescher, a survivor of uterine cancer, founded the organization Cancer Schmancer. (And she also taught us to love Loehmann's.) [The Cut]
• As we learned yesterday, London Fog confirmed Gisele Bundchen's pregnancy by the roundabout way of announcing it had airbrushed her 5-6 month belly out of its latest campaign "to protect her privacy." But the outerwear brand also released a behind-the-scenes video of the shoot, which includes footage of the raw, unretouched shots as they appear on the computer monitor. A side-by-side comparison reveals exactly what London Fog thought wouldn't move units this fall. [SassyBella]
• Bar Refaeli is allegedly seeing Israeli multi-millionaire Teddy Sagi. Sagi owns a company that makes software for Internet gambling sites, and the nicest thing the Daily Mail can say about him is that he "has a lovely smile." The supermodel's relationship with Leonardo Di Caprio ended earlier this year. [Daily Mail]
• Liya Kebede addressed the UN Secretary-General's Forum on the topic of maternal health. Writes the supermodel, "In times of economic crisis, it is tempting to turn inward, to ignore or postpone the problems of the outside world and focus on ourselves. But, if we hope to thrive once again, we must realize that there are no outside problems in today's interwoven, globalized world. Each mother who dies leaves behind a devastated family and weakened community that will eventually, somehow, affect each of us. Each mother who dies deepens the financial and social strain on our world and puts economic recovery further away. Mothers are our best stimulus package because they invest in their families and in our collective future." [HuffPo]
• SassyBella unearthed footage of Karen Mulder hosting an E! special in 1999. The Dutch model encounters a new girl, who, when she introduces herself, turns out to be an 18-year-old Adriana Lima. [SassyBella]
• The first pictures of Rad by Rad Hourani, the Canadian designer's diffusion line, are looking pretty good, at least for those who were already fans of Hourani's unisex, pared-down rocker aesthetic. "This is exactly the same thing," as his main line, Hourani confirmed. Only instead of costing thousands of dollars it costs hundreds. We need more of this. [WWD]
• The writer of the sometimes entertaining, sometimes savage, always fascinating fashion blog The Emperor's Old Clothes has revealed himself — as New York designer Eric Gaskins. Gaskins, after 22 years in business, was this week forced to close his doors because of the economy. [NYTimes]
• And in September, Daphne Guinness is releasing a signature scent with Comme des Garçons. Only unlike most celebrity perfumes lines, this is actually the distinctive fragrance Guinness has, herself, been mixing for years. "I'll be in airports or in a taxi and the driver will say, ‘What are you wearing?'" reports the heiress. [WWD]
• Designer Hussein Chalayan is "weirded out" by models with clothing lines, like Kate Moss, Amber Valetta, Erin Wasson, and Elle MacPherson: "If you have a really strong sense of style and people want to aspire to being like you, I can understand that. But if you really are doing it just because you think of yourself as a brand and you haven't had the training and you know nothing about clothes, it kind of demeans all the training that designers have had." Chalayan thought Kate Moss's line for Topshop was a poor effort. "I don't think it represented her, and I didn't think she worked hard enough. I even told her to her face." How did la Moss respond? "She said, ‘Oh, I'm just trying to do a light thing; I'm not trying to do anything serious.' But I said, ‘That's not the point.'" [WWD]
• In which case, add Jessica Stam to the list of models who've raised Chalayan's ire. The Canadian just announced a collaboration with Rag & Bone. [Style.com]
• Vogue's Lauren Santo Domingo, on being told her boss Anna Wintour had worn flats to a party in the Hamptons: "I wonder if that means we can wear flats to the office now?" [The Cut]
• Fashion blind item: "Which fantastical designer has a new man? She's ditched her long term fiance for an artist with prime real estate." We're with the commenters on this: signs point to Erin Fetherston, who hasn't been photographed in public with her longtime fiancé, Hedi Ferjani, since late April. [Fashionista]
• Ali Wise, the Dolce & Gabbana publicist who was arrested for hacking into the voicemail of a woman who was dating Wise's ex boyfriend, is no longer a Dolce & Gabbana employee. Which must seem like the least of her problems: Wise is facing felony charges of computer trespass and eavesdropping. [WWD]
• A well-written parsing of W magazine's cover story on model Lara Stone: "The fashion industry — and, in turn, the fashion media — have such a warped concept of slimness that a model like Lara Stone is so much larger than her contemporaries that they feel the need to explain her presence. If Stone's body is such an outlier, what does that say about the rest of us? Worse, the magazine saw fit to issue the disclaimer that Stone 'is, it should be noted, a very lithe five foot ten.' Why, yes, do note that! As if there's the slightest chance someone is going to look at these photos and think Stone needs to, like, slow down on the Cheetos." [GlossedOver]
• Lagardère, the French publishing company that owns Hachette Filipacchi Media, which owns the U.S. edition of Elle magazine, has denied that it is in talks to sell the title to rival Hearst, as had been reported in yesterday's New York Post. [WWD]
• Scott Nylund, Beyoncé's design director, comes from Owatonna, Minnesota. Which is where you can see an exhibit that spans his earliest childhood sketches of women in dresses, to his college fashion collection, to his creations for Beyoncé. [StarTrib]
• Freja Beha Erichsen says Karl Lagerfeld's house in Vermont — which recently served as the setting for the fall Chanel campaign she starred in with Heidi Mount — is a serious farm. With horses and chickens and — spitting llamas. Erichsen also praised Chanel for providing food backstage at its runway shows, which a lot of brands don't manage to do. [W]
• Fashion Meets Finance, the terrible event for douchebags and gold-diggers, is back. It's happening August 6th in — where else? — Murray Hill. [FMF]
• Will Ferrell has a Nike sneaker coming out in Japan. It's inspired by Anchorman's Ron Burgundy, that lovable asshole we met, uh, five years ago. [HighSnobiety]
• Timberland lost $19.2 million in the last quarter, a worse-than-expected result that came off the back of a 14% drop in sales, to $179.7 million. [WWD]
• Shiseido was even worse off — its profits declined 57.8%. [WWD]
• Likewise Hugo Boss, which lost $21.17 million in the last quarter. [WWD]
• Bare Escentuals profits also slid 20% in the same period. [WWD]
• Competitor Avon's profits fell 64.3% on revenues that shrank by 9.7%. Revlon's sales fell 12.2%, and its total profits declined to just $200,000, from $19.9 million one year earlier. [WWD]
• Bucking this downward trend is Tod's — the Italian leather brand reported a 3.4% increase in sales for this first six months of this year. [WWD]
• Ann Taylor wants to cut $30 to $40 million in costs by "right-sizing" its organization. No word yet on the number of people who will be laid off. [WWD]
• Three members of a multi-million-dollar New York counterfeiting ring received prison sentences, and a fourth was sentenced to probation by a federal judge. Michael Chu, the group's leader, was in 2005 ordered to pay $7 million in damages stemming from an unrelated counterfeiting case involving North Face jackets. This time, Chu, who imported fake Nike, Chanel and Burberry products, was sentenced to prison for just over 8 years. [WWD]

First, the term "anti-aging" is lie, because from the moment you are born until the moment you die, you are AGING. No cream will stop that. Maybe "temporarily hydrates and plumps the skin to minimize the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles" isn't as catchy, but at least it's not a misnomer. In any case, have women become so used to "anti-aging" products that they are now looking for a "new twist"?

Almost all "cosmeceutical" ads have footnotes and claims from clinical studies. (Who do you think owns the "clinic"?) This ad is for "deep-set wrinkle repair," which you need, clearly, because your wrinkles are broken. Also, check out the "clinical results":


It's not just my scan — you'll see if you pick up a magazine — the pictures look almost exactly the same. This stuff is twenty bucks for 1.7 ounces.


This ad plays on the whole idea that "cosmeceuticals" are good for you because a doctor is somehow involved. This guy is "green" — see the leafy stethoscope? The pitch to use the product is marketed as "Doctor's Orders." Do women really believe you can get an EYE LIFT in a bottle? A closer look at the pitch:

See the mortar and pestle? Tricking you into thinking this is a "prescription" for what ails you? And this stuff is made from DMAE, which is dimethylaminoethanol, a compound which helps aging people's brains, but the research on skin is limited, according to Smartskincare.com. Still, you're not supposed to think about that — doctor's orders!

Lancôme has created something called Génifique, which is maybe a mashup between "genetics" and "magnifique"? The stuff is a "youth activating concentrate." It activates youth? Really? Like, yells out the window at kids to be less lazy? The copy reads, "Discover the skin you were born to have." Confusing! Don't I already have the skin I was born to have? This ad has four footnotes:


…None of which contribute to the clarity of the claims.

Being white — or as pale as possible — is the "ultimate luxury." That's the message in this Shiseido ad, where the model is so light she is fading into nothingness. The copy claims "Even bare, spots and freckles seem to fade from view." It's a skin lightener! And a quick internet search finds that users report "[it] makes my face itch like crazy" and "It made my face itch," and "The cleanser is ok… Everything else from this line was a waste of money" and "Didn't or doesn't do much for me... meaning, no actual 'whitening' effect and it also makes my skin a bit dry after cleansing." Good to know, since the cream alone is $54 for 1.7 ounces!

Another ad with a footnote, and this one clams that "in a very short time," you will see a "measurable reduction in the look of wrinkles." Emphasis mine; you won't actually have fewer wrinkles, but the ones you do have will look different. Also, the X in the logo again plays on the idea that this is somehow a prescription product; the name "professional" adds to the feeling that this shit is not for amateurs. Just a reminder: It's lotion. Skin cream.

You're broken! But don't worry. Rest easy. We'll repair you overnight.

From the Department Of Redundancy Department: "Ageless Intensives Deep Wrinkle Anti-Wrinkle Moisture." Say wrinkle again! They should call it "Wrinkle Cream For Wrinkles On Wrinkly Old Wrinkled Up Wrinkle Women. Like You."

The next ad may be my favorite, and the worst. It comes from Elizabeth Arden's "DermaTechnology Division" and has two footnotes. The copy points out different parts of a body, reducing one person to parts:

"Décolletage: Maximum exposure means dreaded age spots, fine lines and crepiness. Freckles are definitely not cute anymore."

And:

"Stomach: "Weight gain and loss. Childbirth. Need we say more?"

And:

"The Bottom Line: Loss of firmness and tone. Stretch marks and sagging. It's time to take a firm position."

The crazy thing is they're pointing all of this out on a mannequin. This woman is not even real:


And yet, even she needs a "total transforming anti-aging moisturizer." Sigh.


Earlier: What If Women Weren't Afraid To Grow Old?

How do you use a brightening/lightening product without getting kabuki face?

Fuck yes, I love these products. I have so many of them going and I like them all. I use them just because. They work, not fast enough, but they work. You have to be really consistent to see results, and as you get older your cellular turnover starts to slow down, so if some kind of pimple trauma happens to your skin, it might take up to a year for it to go away, so I'm constantly using something like this at night. Something funny about hydroquinone is that it turns brown if you don't use it right away. I have some shit from a derm from years ago that's all brown and nasty and I put it on anyway. My boyfriend calls me "chocolate chip" when I do that because it looks like I have them on my face. I'm shameless. From Sephora, DDF Fade Gel 4 and Post-Acne Spot Lightening Gel by Murad are my favorites. You can use them on age spots, acne scars, melasma—what you can't do is use it while you are pregnant to lighten your unborn child. Also, there's no point in smearing this stuff all over your face, it's more for spot treatment. The full-face treatment with hydroquinone is how kabuki face happens. If you're trying to get rid of freckles, for example, you'd have to decide whether a face several times lighter than your body is worse than your freckles, because there's pretty much no way to avoid smearing it all over your face in that case. If you're going for a whole kabuki face system, go to Shiseido. They have a whole line called White Lucent. Shieseido are the kabuki face masters. They've been perfecting it for like 200 years.

Have you ever achieved Zen by reading the labels on Philosophy products?

Close to it, sister, close to it. Maybe not Zen so much as nirvana. What I heard about Philosophy is that it was designed by a woman who was doing aromatherapeutic massages on cancer patients who had compromised skin from radiation therapy. So she was doing these with super natural nice products and infusing them with good vibes or something, and discovered by doing this that good vibes never hurt anyone, even when they're topical. So that's the idea behind the positive messages on Philosophy products: when you read something that makes you feel good while using a beauty product, you have an extra little moment of positivity in your day, which your face may or may not end up appreciating in the long run. Some people love it, some people just like it, and some people think its bullshit. I like it.

(Ed Note: I just looked that up and it appears to be actually true. You can read more about Philosophy in this Salon piece.. God I hate those fucking messages though. I mean, as long as I'm being forced to stare at the thoughts of some blowhard for the duration of my shower, couldn't it be someone interesting, like Hegel or Jack Handy?)

Which products are the biggest money wasters?

Exfoliating cloths or cloth pillows or whatever. Those things are a waste of everything and it seems like every product line has one. There are these stupid Shiseido The Makeup Facial Cotton things that piss me off every time I see them. Ladies, you should already know not to buy things like this. Just use a motherfucking washcloth. Also, anything that claims to grow your eyelashes or brows. Talika Eyelash Liposomes is one. Revitalash is another. They are both bullshit. Your eyelashes are not going to get longer, ever.

I have 190 Sephora points. Where my free deluxe samples at?

You need to march up to that counter and say, "where's my free shit?" They scan your Beauty Insider card at the register. The gifts are good. It's usually some kind of full-sized product. The products rotate... so if it's something crap, you can hold off on cashing your points in and wait until they're offering something you want.

How do I cope with under eye circles? Does that Hylexin crap really work?

Hylexin does and does not work, and I'll tell you why: under your eyes, there are these fat pads that keep the area really puffy and full, and as you age, these pads shrink, causing you to look like Skeletor. Underneath the fat pads are capillaries, which are full of blood, and these are what you're looking at when you see a dark circle. Hylexin stimulates the capillaries which somehow lightens their appearance. So this will work if your undereye circles are a product of aging, as opposed to something hereditary or generic or structural in your face. If you're 45 and have just noticed the dark circles over the past few years, it might work for you. If you've had them since you were ten, the only thing that is going to fix the circles is plastic surgery, and the only thing that's going to help them is a good concealer. We just got a new product in at Sephora called Eye Slept by someone named Tricia Sawyer who I've never heard of before and know nothing about. It's basically a primer that smooths the undereye area to help concealer stick and prevent it from creasing in the fine lines under your eyes. It has sort of a light greenish tint to it, and it works like crazy. Personally, I feel like fuck an undereye circle. I mean, I have them, but I also choose my battles and most of the time, they are the least of my worries. Too much undereye shit going on tends to make people's otherwise good makeup jobs look like they're going to a newscaster audition. I think the best possible solution for any kind of eye issues is a cute pair of novelty frames. They not only distract everyone else from whether or not you have undereye circles, they also distract you.

What's up with the No!No!?

OMG, I just got serious training on this at Sephora camp. I loved it. I Nonoed both of my arms. It's addictive. It's not really a blade. What it is is a hot coil, or wire, that sizzles the hair off... they call it crystallizing... you know how hair is coiled up like a little nugget thing under the skin? The whole idea of the No! No! is that if you apply enough heat to the hair follicle, on top of burning the hair above the skin off, the heat will also eventually alter the follicle so that it stops growing hair entirely. You'd have to keep at it. The blade coil thingy wears out probably every six shaves or so, but I think that after you went through about six of those, you'd pretty much be hairless. Anyway, using it is pretty foolproof. There's an LED light on it that stays on only when you're at the perfect 90 degree angle contact with your skin. If the light starts blinking or goes off, you're doing it wrong. It works best if you only use it on really small areas of skin at a time, maybe an inch or two, and go over the area a few times. You'll feel some heat, a slight prickle, hear a little sizzle, and you will smell the burned—sorry, crystallized—hair. It comes with a little exfoliating buff to remove the crystallized hair from your skin, but the first few times you use it you might want to even shave afterwards. It's definitely not as effective as a razor until you've been at it for awhile. I think it would be good for someone who is super hairy, used in conjunction with shaving.

Earlier: Mineral Makeup! Lip Plumpers! Oil Cleansers! Colonics? Sephora Spy Spills All, And More!
How I Conquered My Cystic Acne, In (Just!) 17 Painful Steps
I Work Here To Feed My Sick Fancy Product Addiction; The Least I Can Do Is Help You
Meet Jasmine, Our New Sephora Undercover Agent

• 2-year old Suri Cruise has custom-made Christian Louboutins, making her the red-soled footwear company's youngest client ever. [NY Post]
  
• "She was a great sport. She agreed to do something rough and tough and quite raw. It wasn't days and days of hair and makeup," says Marc Jacobs of Victoria Beckham's participation in his Spring 2008 advertising campaig [WWD, 1st item]
  
• And in other Posh Spice news, Beckham has also posed in the buff for Jacobs' t-shirt line benefiting skin cancer research. Uh, because she'd rather go naked than protect her skin from harmful UVA rays with one of his crummy T-shirts? Oh wait...huh. [Mirror UK]
  
• Justin Timberlake: Now designing womenswear under the J. Lindeberg label. What qualifies him, you ask? Yeah, we hate obvious punchlines. [Vogue UK]

• The 23-year old fashion boy wonder Esteban Cortazar (whom you may best remember from the person throwing the party for the yacht catering challenge from this season's Top Chef where Howie finally got the boot) has just been tapped as the new head of the Emanuel Ungaro label. This makes us feel really insufficient. [WWD, sub req'd]
• To celebrate record sales, a Taiwanese lingerie company celebrated with a designated day where its female employees were asked to come to work wearing the goods. [Sassybella]
• Moschino has made a plexiglass doll — a plexiglass doll! how cuddly! — to be auctioned off as part of UNICEF's children's AIDS efforts. [Vogue UK, 7th item]
• H&M: Now with even more organic cotton! [FabSugar]
• Not-actually-made-from-seaweed yoga wear line Lululemon's profits tripled in the third fiscal quarter. [WWD, sub req'd]
• In times of economic turmoil and poor consumer sentiment, J. Crew... predicts great holiday sales! God bless America. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Christian Dior cosmetics claim to have harnessed the power of stem cells in creating their new line, making for the swiftest wrinkle repair ever. Could this be the breakthrough that wins over the hearts and minds of the nation's anti-abortion lobby? One can dream! [WWD, sub req'd]