"Men and women — women want all the rights of men, but they're not asking to be called men… do you think… is it the word [marriage] is more important than the rights?" Portia, who is married to Ellen DeGeneres, was measured, confident, calm and clear in her answer: "Of course it's not the word." (I would have added, "Dumbass.") Portia went on to say, "Without the word, we don't have equal rights." Then she explained that a "lesser" term would imply that gay couples are lesser. Applause.

• Remember when Nicole Richie was on The Simple Life? She's planning on returning to primetime TV — this time in a scripted comedy.

Nicole is producing and starring as "a professional woman with complicated family relationships" who is "struggling to figure out what role she'll take as her life and her family evolve." She came up with the idea for the show, and Daisy Gardner (Californication) will be writing the half-hour sitcom for ABC. There's no title yet, so maybe we can brainstorm one? Is Family Puts The Fun In Dysfunctional too long?!?! [Variety]

• Jennifer Aniston really loves her yoga instructor, Mandy Ingber. Jen has filmed a personal introduction for Mandy's new DVD, in which she declares, "Mandy brought yoga into my life. This workout will change your body and your mind." Jen works out with Mandy up to five times a week, and even takes her on vacation with her. What have you done for your yoga instructor lately? [Page Six]
• Jake Gyllenhaal's assistant was seeing taking luggage from Reese Witherspoon's house to Jake's house. Are they broken up? Does he have sleepover bags? Is he going on a trip? What does it mean?!?!?! [MSNBC]
• Breaking: Amy Winehouse was sober at her father's birthday party. [The Sun]
• BREAKING! Lindsay Lohan was also spotted sober, while out at a night club. End times? [Page Six]
• "Sources" say the news about Tiger Woods is not surprising: "He's a pro athlete. He's been in a lot of situations with women that would not look good… Most athletes of his stature fall under the same category, it doesn't mean he doesn't love his family." Apparently Tiger was often seen "in the company of women in public places" and "whether he crossed lines - that's not something anyone talks about openly, but I can tell you there are times things look that way." As always: grain of salt. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Roman Polanski will not be released on bail before Friday, according to Swiss authorities. [AFP]
• Ever the nonconformist, Cate Blanchett spent Cyber Monday shopping the streets of Manhattan. [Gatecrasher]
• In LA, George Clooney walked the red carpet at the premiere of his film Up In The Air with his girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis, and his mom, Nina. [Daily Mail]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck has been sued AGAIN over her book, The G Free Diet, by the same woman who sued her the first time. Susan Hassett claims Hasselbeck's book is a rip-off of her own work, Living with Celiac Disease. [TMZ]
• Emma Watson: Spotted vacationing in Jamaica with Brit cutie Jay Barrymore, mere days after she attended a hockey game with Spanish rocker Rafael Cebrian. Hermione plays the field! [Page Six]
• Charlize Theron will be the host of a 90-minute live show promoting — and drawing players for — next year's football Wold Cup in South Africa. Only two hundred million people in 200 countries will be watching. No pressure. [Reuters]
• Rihanna was incredibly upset when a man punched Leona Lewis in the face at an event a few weeks ago. I got so mad, like it was me. I couldn't believe it happened to her, of all people," Rihanna says. "It's so disappointing when people behave like that. Why? She's so sweet. She is just a beautiful, beautiful spirit. You don't want any bad things to happen to her." [Daily Express]
• Boys kissing boys and boys in boys' crotches are very much a no-no! ABC is trying to find a way to avoid a repeat of a performance like Adam Lambert's at the American Music Awards: "We certainly don't want to suppress artistry at any level, but we also have to be cognizant of who our audience is," Anne Sweeney, president of Disney/ABC Television Group, says. [NY Post]
• Richard Gere is being called a "tree-killer." [Page Six]
• Sherri Shepherd bribes her son with White Castle. [Gatecrasher]
• In a very graphic video at the link, bounce's from Jay-Z's 40/40 Club in Atlantic City punch and beat two "ejected patrons." The bouncers may face criminal charges. [NY Daily News]
• The gorgeous and talented exiled Iranian actress Shohreh Aghdashloo — whom you may have seen in House Of Sand And Fog — is maybe about to ink a deal for her memoir. And this column claims she is the "dark-horse Oscar contender" for her performance in The Stoning of Soraya M, a film we have been keeping tabs on. [Page Six]
• The next Harry Potter movie will mostly take place away from Hogwarts, and Rupert Grint says: "Harry, Ron and Hermione are just camping out in random places, living rough, in regular clothes… Me and Dan actually have some stubble." [USA Today]
• Check out this picture of the very limber Jaden Smith, son of Will, who is currently filming the Karate Kid remake, Kung-Fu Kid. [The Life Files]
• Roger Avary, who won a screenwriting Oscar for Pulp Fiction, sent tweets from jail, and now is under higher security; he had been on a work furlough program but is now back in routine confinement. [NY Daily News]
• Russell Brand met Katy Perry's religious parents! Katy's dad gave Rusty a book about God's intervention, Russell gave Katy's dad My Booky Wook, in which Russell details his former life of drugs and hookers. Everyone is okay with everything and all four of them are on vacation in Austria. [The Sun]
• Congrats to Susan Boyle, who could have the number one album in the US and the UK and whose disc has the biggest opening sales of the year. [NY Daily News]
• Gary Busey has been named the unsexiest man in Hollywood. [Daily Express]
• "Liam Gallagher Brands Noel The 'Kevin Keegan Of Rock." [Independent]
• "Michael Jackson" was the most-searched term on Yahoo this year. [AP]
• ''I would have done nothing differently. I think it worked out really well.
  ''I am really happy with what I am doing now — happy in my personal life and happy with my professional life. 'I apologized for the thing I did wrong to the person I did it wrong to." — Russell Brand, regarding the prank calls he and Jonathan Ross made to Fawlty Towers actor Andrew Sachs in October 2008. [Telegraph]
• "[My father] was scary and violent. He beat the living hell out of me, and there was constant verbal abuse. Looking back on it, he probably was disappointed that I was so drawn to the arts. He probably thought I was gay. I wasn't interested in sports. I didn't know the names of any baseball players. I liked films and books and records." — Tom Petty. [Advocate via Rolling Stone]
• "The only thing that came into my mind was a decade ago, when I hit 50, I was onstage in Philadelphia, and you realize, 'OK, this is exactly where I want to be right now. I wouldn't want to be any place else.' You realize there is a finiteness to it. We're playing to an audience now that will outlive us. There will be a seed of an audience out there tonight that's just going to outlive the band. But at the same time, the band is very, very powerful right now. And part of the reason it's powerful is that it's carrying a lot of very strong cumulative history. You come and you see 35 years of a speeding train going down the track and you're going to get to be on the front end of it. We look forward to many, many more years of touring and playing and enjoying it." — Bruce Springsteen. Much more in an extensive interview at the link. [Reuters]
• "I mean, it's fine if that's what they want to focus on. It's a movie that I think is beautiful and was a joy to make. But I can only make it. If people want to make that the thing they want to talk about, it's distressing, but that's their business." — Willem Dafoe wish you would stop focusing on his mutilated genitalia in Antichrist. [New York]
• "I don't have any interest in acting anymore. Movies are a part of my past. It's been 30 years. I'm not young, but I have time to do something else. I consider my entire movie career a complete failure. The goal of movie-making is to star in a film where your performance drives the film, and the film is either a soaring critical or commercial success, and I never had that." — Say it ain't so, Alec Baldwin! [MSNBC Scoop via Men's Journal]
• "I hate that. He has such a big mouth. It drives me crazy, and it makes me want to thump him in the side of his head… It's not accurate." — Kimora Lee Simmons, when asked if it's true that Russell Simmons gives her $40,000 a month in child support. [Page Six]

• Amy Winehouse was supposedly in the hospital because she was sick, but now her dad says:

"It wasn't because she had a cold. She's fine, she just had a little [pointing to his chest] leaky something or other." All together now: What kind of fuckery is this? [The Sun]

• Mariah Carey is supposed to turn on the Christmas lights at a shopping mall in London, and has asked for 20 white kittens and 100 white doves as well as confetti shaped like butterflies to shower her after she emerges from a Rolls-Royce driven on a pink carpet to a podium where she will wave a wand to turn on the lights. A source says: "We did manage to source the doves that we were going to release into the sky, but the kittens proved terribly difficult. In the end, it was made clear that due to health and safety, there was no way we could have the animals." [Telegraph]
• Brad Pitt declined an invitation to the October 31 Grand Prix Ball Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates — even though he was offered $5 million to attend. He went trick-or-treating with his kids instead. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Levi Johnston "made a big show" of sitting in first class. [Page Six]
• Kirsten Dunst is windswept on the cover of Allure, and inside she says that she and ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal do not keep in touch: "It would be nice to see him," she says. "But we're not good friends." [Us Magazine via Allure]
• In this Q&A, Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke talks about casting Robert Pattinson as Edward, the "electricity" between Rob and Kristen Stewart when they auditioned for her, the sexytimes the cast got into ("You have this hot, young cute sexy cast and you're out of town at hotels. It's going to happen") and her encouraging RPattz to work out: "He's a Brit and they hit the pubs all the time. They don't look too kindly to gyms." She also says that when he first got cast, there were pix of him out and looking like a slob, and fans of the book were upset that he was Edward Plus: "One day he came to me and said, I got this email forwarded to me about how revolting I am. I said, Rob, you cannot read these things. Don't torture yourself. And he said, I didn't. My mother forwarded that to me." [Time]
• Robert Pattinson was at a signing, where "you kind of get 10 seconds with each person and you never really say anything and I kind of got bored of saying, 'Hey, how are you doing?'" So then: "[A fan] said in her 10 seconds, 'What can I do to get your attention?' I was like um, just take your clothes off." What do you think happened? "She stood there and frantically started taking her clothes off and got dragged out of the room by security. I never felt more terrible." [People]
• Is Nicolas Cage broke because of bad judgment? Or because he lived in a house with bad juju? The manager Cage sued in October countersued last week, claiming he warned Cage not to buy castles in England and Bavaria and that Cage ignored him. The guy claims he told Cage he would need to earn $30 million a year to maintain his lifestyle. But! Cage once owned the notorious LaLaurie House in New Orleans, where a doctor and his wife tortured slaves. According to legend, "Many people have lived there since, but every inhabitant moved out within months or suffered tragedy and death." [Page Six]
• Oprah Winfrey's sit-down with Sarah Palin was the highest rated Oprah show in two years… since the entire Osmond family appeared in 2007. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "Victoria Beckham Loves Sex and Salad, Not Burgers." [Us Magazine]
• Asked if she prefers sleep or sex in an interview with Allure, Posh responded: "Sex! I'm getting into bed with David Beckham every night, so, you know, there'd be something wrong if I said 'sleep.'" [The Sun]
• Taylor Swift is suing a sports bar for using her music without permission. [TMZ]
• Janet Jackson's label is putting a lot of effort and cash into promoting her greatest hits album, because they quietly signed her to a new contract next month. [Gatecrasher]
• Leighton Meester needs a doctor who makes house calls. Don't we all? [Gatecrasher]
• Carrie Prejean has been asking Donald Trump for advice; he suggests: "she should become a major porn star, make millions of dollars, and give it to worthy causes." [Page Six]
• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps is dating author Coerte Felske, a "handsome blond," who will be in Real Housewives Of NYC. [Page Six]
• Will Ferrell is Hollywood's most overpaid star, thanks to Land Of The Lost, which cost $100 million and made "only" $65 million. Surely he is trapped in a glass box of emotion right now. [Reuters]
• Brad Whitford, guitarist in Aerosmith, thinks Steven Tyler might be on something: "I suspect there's a lot more going on than we know about. He has a well-documented history of drug abuse, and I find myself very suspicious. I haven't seen him do this or ... have any personal knowledge, but the isolation is very typical of addictive behavior, and his — what I call — irrational behavior." [Reuters]
• Shaquille O'Neal is curating his first art show, titled 'Size DOES Matter.'" [Page Six]
• 50 Cent has opted for tattoo removal. "I took 'em off," he says. I've been on a few acting projects and they been making me get up… My call time is four hours before the regular acting talent because of the tattoos. I've got a project I'm supposed to be doing with Nicolas Cage, called The Dance, it's a boxing film… when you're a fighter you're sweating and with a whole bunch of make-up on and stuff like that, it doesn't look real to me." [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Hudson will play Winnie Mandela in an upcoming film; she says: "I was compelled and moved when I read the script. Winnie Mandela is a complex and extraordinary woman, and I'm honored to be the actress asked to portray her." Of course, she will also do what she does best: Sing the flick's theme song. [Gatecrasher via Variety]
• Heather Locklear's return to Melrose Place gave the ratings a small boost, so she'd better not end up dead in the pool. [NY Post]
• Sherri Shepherd and MVP are so on. [Gatecrasher]
• Joe Francis has tax problems. Serious tax problems. The IRS wants $33,819,087.14 [TMZ]
• Wait, Faye Dunaway owes $1920 in back rent? How much is her rent? How many months is that? [TMZ]
• Hamish Hamilton, who directed the MTV Video Music Awards, will direct the 2010 Academy Awards. Kanye's gonna let him finish… [MSNBC Scoop]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor is okay, her husband insists. "My wife is not dying — it is ridiculous… he gets all the tabloids and she sees the things and she just smiles. She says, 'Tell them I'm still alive.'" [ET]
• "[I decided to do the Tonight Show because of] how shitty it is just trying to develop comedy right now. How dumb ideas are seeming to be rewarded. How a lot of the networks seem to have basically thrown in the towel on comedy and said ‘We just basically don't know what we're doing or what works,' and we just kind of have more stuff where the dad's kind of a jerk, the mom knows best, and everybody just kind of insults each other for half an hour and at the end everybody says they love each other and tune in next week for it all to start again." — Andy Richter. [NY Mag]
• "I was always aware of acting. I remember watching movies on TV when I was young, thinking, 'Oh, come on, that isn't acting.'" — John Malkovich. [Spectator]
• "I've never seen it and nor will I ever. It's a cult. I don't believe in it." — Miley Cyrus, on Twilight. [MSNBC]
• "After we were done, I was like, 'Wow, America is so poor. Just the towns you come across — all that's there are restaurants and gas stations. There are beautiful stretches of pasture, but for the most part, people live simply. The East and West Coast are so different from the rest of America." — Kirsten Dunst and a friend took an "eye-opening cross-country road trip. [Us Magazine via Allure]
• "Having a girlfriend is like playing whiffle ball. Being married is the war in Iraq." — Jerry Seinfeld. [Page Six]
• "There are females doing it, theatrical and a bit over the top. Lady Gaga, Pink, Christina Aguilera — they all put on a show in the spirit of Madonna, dressing up and creating a theme. But there hasn't been a guy do it for a while. In the '70s and '80s there were a lot of artists that did it but for some reason it kind of fizzled out." — Adam "Glambert" Lambert. [Reuters]
• "That image to me seemed really striking and kind of wild. I felt I looked almost inhuman. It was that whole David Bowie-Ziggy Stardust thing where you think he is an alien. It is a weird image and I liked that it was weird. I am weird. I'm nice. But I'm weird. Maybe eccentric is a better word. I'll pick that label." — Glambert, on his album cover. [Reuters]
• "It's funny because Spanish people have no problem with nudity at all… And English people obviously do have the most enormous problem with it. Little things, like when I saw my father getting changed for swimming, I was traumatized by it… I kind of freaked out a bit. [I would get naked for a role but] I think it would depend on what it is. And I don't think a lot of people would really want to see that. I think it would ruin the illusion!" — Robert Pattinson. [NY Daily News]
• "Luke and I are engaged and we'll get married when I want to. But he isn't even 21 yet, so he can't drink in America, so what's the point in getting married until he can?" — good point, Kelly Osbourne. [The Sun]

Whoopi and Sherri bring up a good point when asking Carrie if she was a Christian when she made her sex tape, and trying to explain to her how people could see hypocrisy in preaching about how others should live according to her Christian values, and then not complying with them herself. This point, however, was lost on her: she simply focused on how mean Perez Hilton was to her.


Later in the interview, Carrie became flustered and even more defensive when Barbara asked her about a portion of her book that claims that describes Donald Trump's behavior—which she intimates was inappropriate—around the women in the pageant.

• Hailey Glassman's claim on The Insider that Jon Gosselin emotionally abused her was actually made up by Jon himself. A source said, "Jon and Hailey get paid for their appearances on these shows and they need the money..."

• "It was easy for Hailey to conjure tears, their lives are less than stellar right now, but Jon hasn't abused [her]," continues the source. "Jon doesn't have much money left and he is not currently searching for a real job. Jon still seeks money through his fame and notoriety. He really wants a reality show of his own, and he is stretching out every moment of the drama for a dollar." [Fox News]
• Kate Gosselin says, "When you look around, and very close trusted people who would never cash you in, for lack of better words, and those people do that and people leave your house and tell completely different stories, you tend not to trust people." [People]
• Kate Gosselin was given a speeding ticket for going 15 miles above the speed limit while her kids were in the car on Thursday. She has already paid the $109.50 fine. [TMZ]
• Vibe's new owners are relaunching the magazine, and they're drumming up interest by putting Chris Brown on the cover of the new issue, which comes out on December 8. [AdAge]
• Lindsay Lohan isn't actually trying to get a restraining order against her father, Michael Lohan, but her mother is. Dina has been asking Lindsay's lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, to go to court on Lindsay's behalf, but she keeps telling her Lindsay is an adult and will have to ask for it herself. Holley says Lindsay hasn't told her that she wants a restraining order. [TMZ]
• Courtney Ames, one of the people accused of burglarizing celebrities, is wearing one of Lindsay Lohan's necklaces in a file found on the computer of another alleged burglar. This supports the theory that the burglars were targeting specific items. [TMZ]
• Randy and Evi Quaid skipped two hearings related to their arrest for failing to pay hotel bills last week. The Santa Barbara D.A. said he was going to extradite them from Texas, but now their request to appear in court today has been granted. The D.A. says, "The case has been put on the calendar this morning. They will be held on the $20,000 bail set in the original, and still outstanding, warrant." [Radar Online]
• In Vanity Fair, Robert Pattinson insists he and Kristen Stewart aren't dating but, "It doesn't make any difference what you say," to the tabloids. "I've literally been across the country [from Kristen], and it's like 'Oh, they were on secret dates!' It's like 'Where? I can't get out of my hotel room!'" [People]
• Kristen Stewart is quoted in the Vanity Fair article as saying, "It's so retarded. We're characters in this comic book." [The Telegraph]
• Whitney Houston is selling the New Jersey home she shared with Bobby Brown for $5.6 million. [People]
• Chidi Uzomah, the man arrested for stalking Ryan Seacrest, was taking acting classes and you can check out video of one of his performances here: [TMZ]
• Chidi Uzomah is in the Army Reserves and was trained to be in the Green Berets. An Army spokesman said, "We apologize to Ryan Seacrest. Pending the outcome of the local investigation, the Army will decide what further action to take. We take all matters of our personnel seriously." [TMZ]
• Adam Lambert and boyfriend Drake LaBry officially have split up. "It was mainly because Adam's life is so hectic," says a friend. "He needs to focus on his career right now." [People]
• Audio 4 Video Digital, Inc. has filed a $736,502.59 creditor's claim against Michael Jackson's estate for rented sound recording and audio equipment "in connection with the making of a musical." [TMZ]
• Sidney Lumet will be honored by Italy's Federico Fellini Foundation with a lifetime achievement award on Saturday. [Variety]
• Devendra Banhart, who dated Natalie Portman, says after their breakup they're on "Very good terms. She's one of my best friends. I love her super-much. Super-much." [N.Y. Magazin]
• Though in the past Jessica Simpson has encouraged her Twitter followers to watch her sister Ashlee Simpson-Wentz on Melrose Place, she Tweeted yesterday: "CW catching up on MP.who writes this crap?i have had bad scripts to work with,but this?thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press." [Us]
• Mary Stuart Masterson gave birth to her first son with husband Jeremy Davidson on October 11. [People]
• Nicole Eggert says she didn't realize she'd put on 30 pounds until the tabloids pointed it out. "At first I didn't recognize myself. It said, 'Baywatch Babe.' And then I looked at it, and then I went, 'Oh my God,'" she said. "I went through a really rough time … I lost my father in a really tough battle with cancer, and I also went through a bad relationship." [UPI]
• Sherri Shepherd says she wants the ladies of The View to help her find a husband. She says, "I do trust them. I'm finding that everyone who meets a really good guy was on a blind date. So yeah, I'm ready for the ladies of The View to set me up on a blind date. I even asked Larry King if he knew somebody." [People]
• "Elephants are the most incredible creatures I've ever been around. You're sitting in this water that they poop in, and somehow it's not gross. You're scrubbing the bottom of their feet and behind their ears…" — Blake Lively on riding elephants during her recent vacation to Thailand, India, and the Maldives. [Just Jared]
• Jay Leno says he doesn't know whether David Letterman's sex scandal is helping or hurting Dave. "He's not being a hypocrite; Dave has never set himself up as [a model citizen]," says Jay. "If it were me, it would kill me. I'm the guy who's been married 29 years. But Dave has never pretended to be Mr. Moral America, he's never set himself up that way. He's not a hypocrite. I don't know how it will be viewed. He doesn't do corporate days like me, he's not as advertiser-friendly as I am. I'm the guy when Coke or Pepsi is here, I come down and shake hands and take pictures, but he doesn't do that. I don't think it will have a big effect at all." [Broadcasting Cable]
• Gabourey Sidibe says of meeting Oprah Winfrey while filming Precious, "Unfortunately, I forgot everything about it... It's so weird, because she's such a big deal to me, that when she speaks, I don't hear anything. It's like it's so weird. It's like hysterical blindness in a way. All I can remember is her saying my name over and over, and that can't be right." [AP]
• Julian Casablancas of The Strokes says he decided to stop drinking because it was taking over his life. "I've always worked sober," he said. "Room On Fire [The Strokes' second album]... that was done sober. You know, drinking is what happens once the work is done. It wasn't like I would sit in my room with a guitar and think, 'hey, nothing's happening... let me drink a bottle of whiskey and write a song'." [The Independent]
• Mark-Paul Gosselaar, who is making his theater debut in the off-Broadway show The Understudy says, "A lot of questions my character brings up are some of the questions I had. What's a half-hour call? What's the process of an understudy? So, the understudy is really never gonna go on?' I had the same questions that Jake has in the play. I had to ask what the fourth wall was. The script says, Justin breaks the fourth wall. I said, 'Fourth wall? Where?'" [AP]

Gabourey Sidibe has "regal" so down.


Sidney Poitier brings the regal; his guest (daughter Sydney) brings The Belt.


Xosha Roquemore the kind of woman who can work an unadorned shape, clearly. Man alive, as gramps would say.


Woman of the hour: Sapphire.


Lisa Edelstein is ready for a garden party, should one arise. And really, you never know.


Gayle King is unquestionably elegant, but I'm just obsessed with figuring out whether she's sporting boots?


Sherri Shepherd: Party in the front, after-party in the back!


If Olivia Wilde was going for an "Uptown Girl" costume for a Billy Joel-themed party that I just made up, well, this would be really good.


It's funny how a dress like Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon's can make one more aware of the breasts than something plunging. This is not to say she doesn't look great: just musin.'


Paula Patton's style of corset, for instance, always makes me think more "engineered."


I strongly suspect that Star Jones' dress is unflattering. But I see what she was thinking and, it's true, that would have looked wonderful. And we've all been there.


How is it that Mary J. Blige can combine a distracting print and a gratuitous slash and still work one of the best looks of the night?


Speaking of! Has Mo'Nique ever looked more totally glam? (Compulsory in Hollywood when one has played a non-glam character!)


Paula Abdul goes a little job interview, a little Bowie, a tad New Wave, a bit crazy...and yet, I dig.


I'm sorry, Oprah, I think you're under-dressed!


I mean, do you see Mimi over here? Doing classic bombshell absolutely flawlessly? This is an occasion for festivity! (Thoughtful festivity.)


How Kat Kramer and her omnipresent pantyhose made it here, I don't know...but I stand in awe.

[Images via Getty]

Jennifer Lopez, in L.A., shows off the night's dress-code: tight, shiny and black.


Kesha, in London, is either sullen or really taking the occasion seriously. I'm going with sullen.


Everyone did some homage to MJ: Judith Hill's, in L.A., was one of the more literal. And it always works!


Mel B, in London, was all class.


Rosie Perez stands up to NYC's rainy chill with a power jacket.


Sherri Shepherd took a...cozier approach.


Monique Coleman rocked a popular L.A. choice: skintight leather.


Julianne Hough shows off another: the corset.


Nikki Blonsky, in NYC, matches her bag to her belt. Somewhere, both Michael and my grandma are smiling.


Paris Hilton, in L.A. of course, seems to have confused "Michael Jackson circa '92" with "Liz Hurley circa '92."


London.


Kind of love that, now that everyone else is in leather, Katy Perry does demure, deco-inflected lace!


Paula Abdul, in L.A., is a lone spot of color.


Vivica A. Fox, in L.A., treats the event with respect. The sexy kind.


Not sure what aspect of MJ's oeuvre Rosanna Arquette, in L.A., is referencing...


Or, for that matter, NYC's Carol Alt.


The brothers Jackson, in L.A.

[Images via Getty]

• For the love of God. Khloe Kardashian says: "I want to be a skinny pregnant person." Actually, what she says when she's asked about having kids is:

"Honestly, I just lost weight! I want to be a skinny pregnant person, like how my sister Kourtney looks so cute pregnant. I can't be a house [after] I just lost weight." She does sort of redeem herself by saying: "I am always fat no matter how much weight I lose… [My sisters and I] are all curvy and we are all accepting of our body types. I think if I was in Hollywood by myself, I would be so much more susceptible to falling into having an eating disorder." [E!]

• Maybe Khloe shouldn't hear this, but Kristen Stewart says: "You should see my brother; he's, like, emaciated. We both just happen to be really skinny." [Us Magazine via Allure]
• Kim Kardashian will get $50,000 for celebrating her birthday at Tao in Las Vegas. A source says, "Kim is worth the huge fee because she's so hot." [Page Six]
• Headline Of The Day: "Michael Jackson's Giraffes in $100,000 War" [TMZ]
• Sources say the Jackson family has been invited to attend the premiere of This Is It; but Katherine Jackson and other family members insist they have been snubbed. [TMZ]
• Did Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have a secret wedding? Radar Online found out that Joel got a marriage license earlier this week. [The Star via Radar]
• Lindsay Lohan's on probation for DUI and has a court date this morning because she "failed to meet an unspecified probationary condition." [NY Post]
• Madonna on quitting Tracy Anderson workouts: "I learned a lot of great things working out with Tracy Anderson, I did not ditch or fire her. I simply wanted to try a new method of working out when my tour ended. We remain friends." [Page Six]
• Madonna and Carlos Leon threw a party for Lourdes' 13th birthday on Wednesday at trendy NYC restaurant Delicatessen. Lola had red velvet cake. [Gatecrasher]
• Eminem has declined to collaborate with fellow Michigan-er Madonna. She says: "I wanted to work with Eminem. I don't think he wanted to work with me. Maybe he's shy." That must be it! [Avril Lavigne's new man is Dole Food Company billionaire Justin Murdock. Not a sk8r boi. [Daily Telegraph]
• Diddy was throwing money off the stage at a show when his $20,000 diamond studded ring flew off. So naturally everyone was frisked before they left the event, which they didn't like. Guess what? The ring was not found. "He ain't getting' it back," one witness said. "Someone pocketed that, and they probably took it to the nearest jeweler." My guess? Someone swallowed it and is hoping for the best. [NY Post]
• "David Beckham's son Brooklyn is carving out a sporting name for himself... as an American footballer." Coaches at his school have called him a "wonderkid" and a "natural thrower and hard tackler." [The Sun]
• Courtney Love: Reformed Hole and is in the studio recording new tracks. This paper declares: "Should be interesting because she can definitely rock out." [The Sun]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy are still on and he "has no plans of ruining a good thing." [People]
• Jon Gosselin has reportedly approached awards shows with requests to appear as a presenter — and has been turned down by at least two productions. [MSNBC Scoop ]
• The guy who punched Leona Lewis in the face is an aspiring singer who didn't make it as a contestant on X Factor. Of course. [The Sun]
• There will be no lesbian talk in Anna Nicole Smith's hearing. Adjust accordingly. [Mirror]
• Except you can read about how "Anna Nicole Smith's female doctor funneled drugs to the Playmate to fuel their lesbian love affair" at this link. [NY Post]
• Howard K. Stern was urged to send Anna Nicole Smith to rehab, but told Anna's bodyguard rehab "would kill her." [LA Times]
• Does Donald Trump really not know who Tilda Swinton is? [Page Six]
• So you know how January Jones' rack looks huge on the cover of GQ? "They definitely did some significant retouching," claims a source. But GQ photo editor says: "Yes, they're real. And they're spectacular… People think that a person will look the same in every photograph, but that just doesn't happen… Terry [Richardson] likes to work with harder lighting, and that can create a stronger shadow — that, and body position and perspective could give the illusion that her breasts are bigger. January Jones needed no help. Trust me." [Page Six]
• Jimmy Kimmel and new girlfriend Molly McNearney — who works on his show — had a sleepover. And this is news. News accompanied by a picture of Jimmy "pasty and shirtless" on his balcony, watching Molly leave the morning after. [Radar Online]
• Wood alert: Jesse Metcalfe says that doing sex scenes with Eva Longoria for Desperate Housewives made him "pop a wheelie." [TMZ]
• Whitney Houston is mad at Wendy Williams. [Gatecrasher]
• Kylie Minogue: Spotted making out with her Spanish hunk at a party even though her parents were there. [Page Six]
• Depeche Mode's Dave Gahan denies he said "Thank you very much, Chile" when he was in Peru. [AP]
• Nigella Lawson's back went out, so she put on a corset and ate a chocolate bar. I'll have to try that next time. [Daily Express]
• BREAKING: Karina Smirnoff loves being single. [People]
• Fred Durst got married in July. Then separated a month later. And now he's filed for divorce. [People, TMZ]
• A column called "A Night Of Round Table With Monty Python" is predictably full of weird jokes. [NY Times]
• The new cast of Celebrity Apprentice includes Darryl Strawberry, Rod Blagojevich, Sinbad, Sharon Osbourne, Bret Michaels, Cyndi Lauper, Holly Robinson Peete, Carol Leifer, (who wrote for Seinfeld and whom the character of Elaine was based on), wrestlers Goldberg and Maria Kanellis, chef Curtis Stone and Olympic gold-medal swimmer Summer Sanders. [NY Post]
• "At the age of eight I discovered that I could write songs. My dad used to take them to the notary and register them so that nobody could steal them from me. Who does that? What parent takes a treasure in his child's scribbles?" — Shakira. [Guardian]
• "Before my third album, they warned me that if nothing really happened, they were going to drop me. I knew it was my last chance, so I took control. I started to get more involved with production. I started to use my own influences. My music was influenced more by the Anglo-Saxons than the local tropical or Latin roots. When I was singing in Spanish, I had a more rock'n'roll attitude. I was very inflexible, very rigid in many aspects. There were things that would be completely unacceptable to me, like wearing a leotard, or showing my legs. I was more of a purist then." — Shakira. [Guardian]
• "I envisioned that as my life: staying in academia to make a living and then taking summers off to write my novels. I understand the self-loathing and the resentment, and the discipline that it takes to sit down in front of a typewriter or computer every single day, whether it's going well or not going well … I didn't need to research how to be a professor [for Californication's third season] because I'd already been a teaching assistant when I was pursuing my Ph.D.; it was a very clear memory." — Former Yale doctoral student David Duchovny. [The Daily Beast]
• "In Uganda, fat is beautiful. [Jessica is] always scrutinized by the world. Beauty starts from within." — Joe Simpson, Jessica's dad. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I think that for the first few seasons, it was very clear that Amanda didn't want to be bothered with any type of work. She's at a fashion magazine because she loves fashion — mostly just wearing it. There is a certain reality show with a certain stylist [Newton declines to identify it, but duh, it's Bravo's The Rachel Zoe Project], and I thought, 'Oh my God, that's a glimpse of Amanda's future.' We're going to see that Amanda's love of fashion can help her get ahead in her career. Amanda has a real skill that can actually benefit Mode magazine, apart from looking cute - not that she won't still look cute." — Becki Newton, Ugly Betty's Amanda. [TV Guide]
• "I go outside, and I'm wearing a funky T-shirt and my hair is dirty, and people say, 'What's wrong with her? She needs to invest in a hairbrush. I'm like, don't you get it? I'm not that girl! Like, I never was that girl. It's not like I was really clean-cut last year. The commenters are usually worse than the bloggers. I know what people say about me." — Kristen Stewart. [Us Magazine via Allure]
• "I grew up going to Disneyland twice a week. But I was banned for a year because I went to Disney prison. I was really young so I wasn't responsible for this - it was all my brother's fault. You get a stamp when you leave the park which if you put hairspray on it you can transfer it to someone else's hand, so in the parking lot he went up to somebody and said, 'Hey can we spray hairspray on your hand?0' and we transferred it. And then we go in through the turnstile and there's people there called Fox Fighters or some weird name, They take us aside and I'm like six-years-old and my brother says 'No matter what they say do not confess.' He was like a professional felon at twelve!" — Blake Lively.[Showbiz Spy]
• "It started with the fact that it was my very first week on The View and Barbara and Whoopi asked me if I thought the earth was round or flat. The response that came out was, 'I don't know. I'm trying to take care of my son.' I was really nervous. I was totally outside of my comfort zone and I made a comment that I didn't mean to make. It was a brain fart. I did not know that people were going to hate me as much as they did. I mean like, hate me. My website crashed. But then the women of The View came together and said, 'If we didn't think you could be here, you wouldn't be at this table. We love you. We support you. Don't even worry about it.' I got a ton of e-mails from women saying, I don't care if the earth is round or flat either, Sherri. I'm just trying to pay my bills. That's when I realized that we've gotta give ourselves a break or permission to say dumb things and keep moving. I know what a lot of other women are going through, you try to be perfect for everybody. We've gotta give ourselves a break." — Sherri Shepherd on her new self-help memoir, Permission Slips: Every Woman's Guide to Giving Herself a Break. [Time]
• "I'm old. It's an interesting thing to watch yourself grow older on screen. I was watching Up In The Air and I thought, 'Jesus, who's the old gray-haired guy?' And it was me. I never wear makeup for movies and now it's starting to show. But I'm kind of comfortable with getting older because it's better than the other option, which is being dead. So I'll take getting older." — George Clooney. [Telegraph]
• "I want to hate Megan Fox more than anything. We all do. But I read a bunch of her quotes, and she's witty and smart and carefree. I thought, 'This is the kind of girl I'd love to be friends with' "—Kristen Bell in Women's Health. [Page Six]
• "It was a challenging year. I may have thrown myself off a building. I think work saved me. I'm very grateful I had work." — Madonna. [The Sun]

• Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem are engaged, according to a source, who also reports, "They tried to keep it very private and quiet" (and apparently aren't succeeding). Some suspect this rumored engagement may be related to her rumored pregnancy.

• Cruz's rep had no comment. [Us]
• On Today this morning, Kate Gosselin said of Jon Gosselin emptying $200,000 out of their joint bank account, "When you've left your children and their mother without the funds to pay for the roof over their head, it's not acceptable... I need that money to provide for them. We were in the position after our sextuplets were born that we could not pay our bills. We did the show to provide a better life for them. Never did I think I'd be back in the same position." She suggested that Jon's new aggressive behavior may be due to the new lawyer he hired after his first dropped him a few weeks ago. "I think he's receiving bad counsel. He's always been one to listen to the one next to him," she said. [People]
• Jon Gosselin says Kate's story is, "a total fabrication." He explains, "I've never taken any money out because over 10 years, Kate handled all the banking. Over the past four years of doing the show, we accrued $2,250,000. She says in the past week I took $230,000. I have withdrawn roughly $177,000 over the course of a year, which is less than 10 percent of what we made. That's like my paycheck." He continues, "She's hiding money... We have 11 bank accounts. That was just our joint account. She had a best-selling book. Where's that million dollars? I believe she's incriminating herself and not thinking clearly. She's wanting me to look bad. I didn't want these things to come public. I didn't want this to be embarrassing for her." [People]
• On Today Kate Gosselin wore the ring Jon gave her when they renewed their vows last year and says, "I'm changing them out. I'm switching them out." She said she's planning on buying herself a ring to replace her wedding band. "We discussed a ring I might buy," she said. "It has eight little diamonds and a mother of pearl." [People]
• The money Jon Gosselin took from their joint account was their only real source of living income. The Gosselins have a $720,000 mortgage on their $1.12 million home. They haven't sold the first home and have another mortgage on that house. However, there is money set aside for the children in a trust fund. [TMZ]
• Audio and video tapes of the police sting operation targeting Pleasant Bridgewater and Tarino Lightbourne are being played in court today. In one John Travolta's attorney says he can't give them $25 million because, "John doesn't have that kind of bread ... not even lying around." On another tape Bridgewater tells the attorney, "I just want to get this over with ... I don't want to hear about it again ... I feel so badly about the whole thing." [TMZ]
• According to a transcript of the tapes, at one point John Travolta's lawyer says, "We can do a little rug merchant negotiations here." [TMZ]
• Nicole Richie was rear ended by a paparazzo today. Sources say there was an adult male passenger but her kids were not in the car. She said she was in pain but wanted to go to her own doctor, not the ER. The other driver has been arrested for driving without a license. [TMZ]
• Method Man has been arrested for allegedly failing to pay income tax for four years. If convicted, he could face four years in jail. [TMZ]
• A judge has sealed a new report on Michael Jackson's children and says he doesn't need any further updates. "It looks like the children are really doing wonderfully with their grandmother guardian," he said. [L.A. Times]
• Robert Pattinson says, "I'm trying to write some songs for the next [Twilight] movie... I don't know if it will be possible because of my schedule, but I want to do it. Music is the other side of me, it's one of the things that complete me and I wouldn't want to leave it aside for anything in the world. I have the intention of evolving in that aspect. It's something I want to develop just as much as acting. I want to have a balance between those two things." [Ok]
• On Today, a lawyer for Robert "Joe" Halderman, the man accused of trying to extort money from David Letterman, said Dave is a "master manipulator of the media," and that evidence will come out in court to exonerate Halderman. However when pressed, he couldn't say what that evidence might be. [People]
• According to a poll of 505 Late Show viewers, David Letterman's sex/extortion scandal hasn't changed their opinion of him much. 22 percent said they have a more negative perception of him now; 23 percent said they have a more positive perception of him now; and 55 percent said there is no change in their perception of Letterman. [UPI]
• Police say they found a suicide note on the computer found in the hotel room where Ryan Jenkins hanged himself. He never admits to killing Jasmine Fiore in the document, but apologizes to his friends and family for the pain he caused them. In the letter he blames Jasmine for the situation he's in and says he loves and hates her at different points. [TMZ]
• Guests at Patrick Swayze's memorial yesterday were greeted by a white horse he owned with Patrick's boots facing backwards in the stirrups, "It's an old horseman tradition," says a source. The memorial was held on the Sony Studios lot and was attended by several hundred people. "A whole dance floor was built," says another source. "The dancers did these amazing numbers." [People]
• Two independent record labels are suing Guns N' Roses for $1 million because they claim the group used songs by German musician Ulrich Schnauss on their album Chinese Democracy. [Reuters]
• Backstreet Boy Brian Litrell has H1N1. [TMZ]
• Carla Bruni-Sarkozy launched carlabrunisarkozy.org today to promote her charity work and reveal bits of her life as France's first lady, but the site crashed after being featured on the front page of several French news sites. [AFP]
• Previous reports claimed that DJ AM's property generated $3.5 million per year, but it turns out that was the total value of his properties. [TMZ]
• MTV will air DJ AM's addiction series Gone Too Far beginning on October 12. The network released a statement from his family saying, "It is our hope through airing this show that people will get to see the side of Adam that we knew and loved, not just the celebrity DJ, but the honest and caring person who gave so much of himself to help others." [TMZ]
• Antonio Banderas has been ordered to demolish part of his beachfront Spanish villa after losing a court battle. He built part of his home into a public beach area and reportedly turned down an offer to buy the land from the community for £2 million. [Daily Express]
• Eddie Cibrian's estranged wife Brandi Glanville says, "I have a new neighbor and her name is LeAnn Rimes. She's moved in a half a mile from my house and a block from my son's school. So she is completely space invading me at the moment so things are not cool," adding, "There is a point where she needs to have a sensitive side and back the F up." [Us]
• Just so you know, "Sherri Shepherd Still Has Jiggly Thighs" [People]
• Maggie Smith says receiving chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatments for breast cancer have left her "flattened" with no energy or confidence. "I'm frightened to work in theatre now. I feel very uncertain. I haven't done it for a while," said Smith, who is 74, adding, "I think it's the age I was when it happened. It takes you longer to recover, you are not so resilient." [The Daily Mail]
• Anne Heche says she won't introduce her sons to her mother because she works with Focus on the Family to preach against homosexuality. She joined the group after Heche's father, a closet homosexual who sexually abused Heche, died of AIDS in 1983. Heche says, "My mother preaches to this day the opposite of that core of my life. It is no mistake that she still stands up against love. And one wonders why I'm not rushing to have her meet my children." [Daily Express]
• Here's a blind item of sorts: Sarah Paulson says of a script she read recently, "All I can tell you is it's, like, a humongous famous actor and, like, the most famous director ever. It was like this movie is like the hottest movie and I literally threw it across the room - like, This is terrible. The state of the business right now, it's like some of the most famous actors in the world are taking parts that normally people like me could get, but now I can't get them because really famous people want them because they're not making as many movies. So when the script turns around, everyone gets all excited, and I was like, "Wow, they can have it. This thing sucks." [NY Magazine]
• Ashlee Simpson-Wentz says of Heather Locklear joining the new Melrose Place, "She's great. She's fantastic. I really, truly believe that she's part of the heart of the show. She's so sweet and has a great energy, so it's great to have her on the show." [People]
• "It's sad when you realize you can't be the angry young man anymore. The angry young man is barely ever interesting, and tolerable in his 20s. But his late 20s? Early 30s? God forbid late 30s? You can't anymore. I'm in a business where I get to make pretend for a living, so what the fuck am I angry about? There's nothing anymore; I'm a very content, middle aged man. People are like 'Ah when are Jay and Silent Bob coming back?' And I'm like 'I don't think they are. I'm fuckin' 39! I can't just put my fuckin' hat on backwards." — Kevin Smith [The Huffington Post]
• Carrie Fisher says of sharing the details of her life in various memoirs, "The fact that I can make somebody laugh at this stuff-it can be very cathartic. If you claim something, you can own it. But if you have it as a shameful secret, you're fucked; you're sitting in a room populated by elephants. I have a lot of elephants to kill. But I also have a lot to be grateful for. Most of my problems are high-class. As Mike Nichols used to say, ‘The champagne is flat and the caviar has run out-will it never end?'" [Vanity Fair]

Gabourey "Gabby" Sidibe's plum-colored gown has questionable sleeves, but she looks happy and comfortable.

IMdB tells me that Chyna Layne was in Cadillac Records and something called STD: Sexually Transmitted Demons. Her one-sleeved gown is not for wallflowers! It kind of looks like wallpaper, but I love the color, and the large bow on one side reminds me of the Baroness in The Sound Of Music.

Sherri Shepherd looks fantastic, though I think she'd benefit from a more open neckline.

71-year-old Jane Fonda appears to be wearing LEATHER PANTS. And looking fierce while doing so.

Harvey Keitel's glasses = Awesome.

Precious actress Xosha Roquemore looks adorable in this little strapless number.

Paula Patton is stunning, and I dig her interesting LGD — little gray dress — but the booties just aren't right.

Mariah Carey shows off her hourglass figure in what seems to be a long-sleeved American Apparel tee.

Mariah's husband Nick Cannon: Dapper.

Steve Buscemi and date: Charmingly rumpled.

I can't decide if Oprah's BFF Gayle King looks casually elegant, needs a shorter hem, or both.

You've gotta love the rock 'n roll nonchalance Lenny and Zoe Kravitz bring to the red carpet. Everything's a little bit off, yet it all works somehow.

I love that line in Mary J. Blige's The One" where she sings, "I ain't saying that I'm the best; but I'm the best." The lady looks amazing. You are the best, Mary!

[Images via Getty.]

• Late last night, TMZ published a report claiming that Maya Angelou had been taken to the hospital. However, a CNN news editor,Saeed Ahmed, posted on his Twitter page that Angelou's literary agent says the hospital rumors are false. [DetroitFreePress]

• A paparazzi cameraman has filed a police report against Sean Penn, after Penn kicked and hit the cameraman Friday afternoon. [TMZ]
• Video is now available of Lindsay Lohan being booed in Singapore last month. Hopefully things go a bit better for her today at her Ungaro runway debut in Paris. [ONTD]
• "I'm young. I know what it's like. Lots of girls want to dress like me," Lohan says of her advising role at Ungaro, "I always like to ask my friends when I buy stuff, or my sister Aliana who's with me in Paris. I'm doing the same thing here, giving my perspective." [Telegraph]
• Simon Cowell celebrated his 50th birthday last night by throwing a birthday party that reportedly cost 1.6 million dollars. [Radar]
• If you ever meet Kristen Stewart, you might want to avoid asking her about her role as Bella Swan: "I feel so boring because Twilight is literally how every conversation I have these days begins," she says. [People]
• Michael Bay posted a note on his website about the production of Transformers 3 that included a PS stating, "Megan Fox, welcome back." [Radar]
• "Oh, girl. People hated me for that. I didn't think it was a big deal until I realized I was the second most Googled person in the country. It was a brain fart! It was my second or third day on 'The View,' and I just got nervous. Barbara asked me if it was round or flat and I said, 'I don't know, I'm just trying to take care of my kid.'When the show was over Barbara came over and said 'Dear, the Earth is round,' and I said, 'Barbara, I know that!'"-Sherri Shepherd [LATimes]
• John Cleese is planning on paying for his divorce by starring in a one-man show appropriately titled the "How To Finance Your Divorce Tour." [Telegraph]
• Clive Owen makes an effort to balance his movie making schedule with his family life: "It's about making sure if I'm away for a long period doing a movie that I take some downtime. I do that now. I make sure I never do anything too close together so that I'm never away from the kids too much." [WashingtonPost]
• Alexsandra Wright, who is suing Beyonce's father, Matthew Knowles, claiming that he is the father of her child, had a role on an episode of Scrubs in 2001. [TMZ]
• When asked about her engagement to John Krasinski, Emily Blunt deadpanned: "All I can say is that there were flutes playing in the background, butterflies, there were angels showering us with rainbow drops." [MTV]
• "Drew had me in mind, I guess, for this role. She called me, and she's got a gift for enthusiasm when she's on fire about something. Then I read the script, and I was really excited. And then I got on some skates and had to do an audition because I lied - you know, like all good actors do, we lie - that I could skate."- Juliette Lewis on her role in Whip It! [EW]
• More details are coming out about the man accused of attempting to blackmail David Letterman; neighbors and colleagues say that Robert Halderman "must have snapped," as Halderman's actions seem completely out of character. "I am surprised, mystified and stunned to hear these allegations against Halderman," says Dan Rather, who worked with Halderman, "They are almost impossible to believe. He was always a solid character, steady, reliable, and a good, swift writer." [People]
• Joe Simpson says his daughter, Jessica Simpson is learning how to handle the criticism aimed at her body by working on her new show, "She's always scrutinized by the world and [it's great] to watch her go to other countries and see women talk about what is beautiful there. We were just in Uganda, and a beauty ambassador [there] knew Jessica's total story about her weight and blah, blah, blah. [She said] to Jessica that it's about who you are inside, which is the message of our show." [USWeekly]
• Jermaine Jackson says that the series of tribute concerts he's planned in honor of his brother, Michael, are not meant to make money off of Michael's death: "That is the most ridiculous thing ever. It is not about cashing in on what has happened. It is responsibility on all of our parts as brothers and sisters to keep his legacy alive." [ShowbizSpy]
• Olivia Newton-John says she still has her hot pants from the set of Grease: "I can still wear them," she says, "But they're locked away in a cupboard. I only bring them out for special occasions. My husband loves them." [TheSun]
• Blind Item #1: Which reality show star refused to put a house keeper on the books, worked her like a slave and paid her spottily in cash with no regard to her Social Secu rity or her husband, who was being treated for cancer? [PageSix]
• Blind Item #2: Which pouty actress was recently spotted acting like a complete lush? She "got drunk and then threw herself all over a clubowner," according to our spies. [PageSix]
• Blind Item #3: Which soon-to-be married heartthrob forced his wedding guests to sign confidentiality agreements before they got their wedding invitations? [PageSix]
• "My family keep me grounded. I still take the subway and do my own laundry. Well, not all of the time, but I'm not a bitch. I enjoy having a normal life."-Mischa Barton [Mirror]
• "I love that we managed an addition to the narrative of the show … There are some definite new elements to the story of these four people that are now part of the whole story … I thought this would be more of a stunt-type thing, but I feel like this is really part of the series now. I would call this a member in good standing with all the other episodes."-Jerry Seinfeld, on tonight's Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm. [EW]
• "I'm a disaster in the kitchen! You know what my secret is for preparing the perfect meal for friends when I invite them over? It's ordering from the best restaurants and having the food delivered."-Beyoncé [ShowbizSpy]

• Jon Gosselin is suspending his divorce proceedings for 90 days. A source says it's "not an emotional or romantic decision," but a PR strategy. Jon's rep admits he, "used poor judgment in publicly socializing with other women so soon."

• Jon's rep says he's putting a hold on the divorce because he's "like to get back with Kate as a partner in parenting." However the source says he's trying to "to force Kate to deal with Jon on many important issues relating to the welfare of his children," which doesn't sound as diplomatic. [E!]
• The NYC medical examiner has determined DJ AM's death was accidental. The cause of death was "acute intoxication" due to the combination of cocaine, oxycodone, hydrocodone (Vicodin), Ativan, Klonopin, Xanax, Benadryl and Levamisole (to cut the cocaine). [TMZ]
• Janet Jackson is planning to only wear black until the one year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death. A source says: A source said: "As a mark of respect she has decided to only wear black clothes to express her grief, and she has had to go on a number of shopping trips to find suitable items to wear." [The Mirror]
• Janet Jackson appeared at a gala in Milan to support the Foundation for AIDS Research where a Dsquared jacket signed by Janet and a pair of handmade boots made for Michael Jackson were auctioned off. [AFP]
• The law firm Mesereau & Yu, which defended Michael Jackson during his 2005 child molestation trial, has filed a claim against his estate for $341,452 in unpaid bills. [TMZ]
• Jude Law is refusing to see Samantha Burke's baby until DNA tests prove he is the father. A friend said: "Jude is still very cautious about Sam and Sophia. Until he is 100 per cent certain she is his daughter he is only communicating through lawyers." [News Of The World]
• Tori Spelling was admitted to the hospital last night with abdominal pain. "They released her last night. She wasn't feeling better today, so she returned to the hospital for more tests," said her rep. [Extra]
• Khloe Kardashian wanted a simple hairdo for her wedding. So how did a few curls and extensions wind up costing $4,500 plus a $500 tip? [TMZ]
• Bruce Jenner said of his step-daughter Khloe Kardashian's wedding, "My wife has sold this thing... We're right in the middle of shooting season four, it's great television.... It will be a one-hour special on E!" [Las Vegas Sun]
• Emmy Rossum was seen on a date with Adam Duritz the day before her husband filed for divorce. [TMZ]
• Though Marilyn Manson announced that he had been diagnosed with swine flu last week on Facebook, concert promoters for Live Nation insist he isn't infected and he's removed the posts. [NME]
• The cop who was secretly taping conversations between John Travolta's lawyers and Pleasant Bridgewater testified that he never heard anyone demand money in return for keeping documents secret. This contradicts what you can hear on the tapes. [TMZ]
• Doug Reinhardt (a.k.a. Paris Hilton's boyfriend) is suing his former landlord because he claims he never paid back his five-figure security deposit after he moved out earlier this year. [TMZ]
• Christina Milian and The Dream got married in Las Vegas recently but they're planning a second wedding for their family and friends. [People]
• When asked if her daughter Lourdes will follow in her footsteps Madonna said, "No. I don't think she wants to be a singer. I think she wants to be an actress... I'm fine with it, as long as she finishes school, and takes it seriously. She also plays piano, and she's really into clothes and fashion and style. She can go in any direction. She's got a lot of diverse interests right now. We'll see. I'm not pushing anything. We'll see what she wants to do." [Popeater]
• John Krasinski didn't plan on being in the movie he directed, Brief Interviews With Hideous Men. He explains: "There was a scheduling conflict at the last moment, and the actor - I can't name him - couldn't do it. We had two weeks left to shoot. So the producers basically decided that I should do this because I had read the book so many times. It was the most terrifying performance I ever had to give. It's stressful enough to be a director and to see it on the monitors every day, watching these actors do this awe-inspiring work … and then you jump in and go, 'I'll take us home, guys!'" N.Y. Magazine]
• Bruce Willis won't be following in the footsteps, or mouse clicks, of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. When asked if he's consider Tweeting he said: "Doubtful, doubtful. I just can't live with myself if I started Twittering ... I just think that way lies madness." [People]
• "I think it's horrible for young girls and women to see all these pictures of celebrities and the way they bounce back and they're strolling around and they have all these nice things. It's all about how cute the baby looks. It's not that easy and it's not that glamorous. It's not like having the new bag or shoe." — Bridget Moynahan [5 Resolutions]
• "I've always sort of looked at stay-at-home moms and been like, 'Oh gosh, how on earth do you do that? It seems so boring!' There is not a boring moment! I'll be in the car for four hours, just from taking them to school and someone forgot a lunch and then we got to go back with the project, it's just amazing to me. I've really been enjoying that." — Angie Harmon [People]
• "There's not much pleasure in directing. I get up very early and come to the set and stand around all day while the cinematographer spends three hours lighting the set, then I get 30 seconds to do the scene and then we move on and he lights for another three hours and I get another 30 seconds. It's tedious. I don't do it in order; just a piece here and a piece there .The pleasure is when I get home and look at all the footage and sit down and put it together and put in the music and make it look like something." — Woody Allen [The Telegraph]
• "I never really thought about getting married – it just kind of happened," says Scarlett Johansson. "It seemed natural, the right thing to do. It was kind of a celebration of the time." [People]
• Sherri Shepherd says her 4-year-old son loves to flirt, especially with Elisabeth Hasselbeck's 4-year-old daughter Grace. "First thing he says to Grace is, 'Give me a kiss,' " says Sherri. "That's how he is with all the little girls: 'Give me a kiss!' If you don't kiss him, he's gonna friggin' hit you. Every little 4-year-old girl, he loves 'em." Hmm... someone needs to tell him that's no way to treat a lady. [People]
• Wendy Williams says, "I know that the show is messy, because I'm messy, But I have a staff of very talented people working with me." Joel McHale would beg to differ. [CNN]

First: there probably aren't two people out there who have studied this case and agree exactly on what should happen to Roman Polanski, so let's get that out of the way before this conversation spirals down the way it did on The View this morning. There are certainly gray areas to be found here, even if they're only concerning a biased judge. But Whoopi Goldberg, in a condescending rant ostensibly about clarifying exactly what Roman Polanski was charged with (as if that matters, when nobody is denying that he drugged and had sex with a child), can't seem to find them. She seems obsessed with the actual charges to which Polanski pleaded guilty (sex with a minor), and refers to the case as a "suit," as if it's a civil lawsuit about a roach in a box of french fries.

The other ladies try to get a word in edgewise while Whoopi distracts them with her crusade of literal legal language — could it be because Whoopi's own daughter got pregnant at 15? That fact, while seemingly salient (especially when Whoopi says "Would I want my 14-year-old daughter having sex? Not necessarily."), is never mentioned. So close, ladies! Why didn't you jump on her then?

Then it's time for Whoopi to take us into her fantastical moral universe where there's something called "rape-rape," and where it seems perfectly reasonable to her that a man facing jail charges for a crime to which he pleaded guilty would simply leave the country to avoid them. You know it's a good episode of The View when Sherri Shepherd makes the most sense:

Whoopi: "I know it wasn't rape-rape. It was something else but I don't believe it was rape-rape. He went to jail and and when they let him out he was like "You know what this guy's going to give me a hundred years in jail I'm not staying, so that's why he left."

Oh yes, of course. Duh. Case closed.

What is worrisome about Whoopi's argument is that she refuses to call a 43 year old man having sex with an unconscious 13 year old girl "rape". She may have personal, possibly guilty-parent reasons for not accepting this, but as tangled up as this case is, the fact that it was rape is one of the least controversial things about it. Roman Polanski admitted to drugging and having sex with a child, and in the country in which he did it, that is rape. (Though nice try Whoopi with the "Europeans have sex with children all the time!" argument, or whatever that was.)

It's noble of Whoopi to try to clarify the facts before arguing about a case (her line: "I don't like when we're passionate about something and we don't have all the facts" should be blown up to poster size and placed in front of the ladies for the duration of every show), but a plea agreement isn't necessarily, and often bears no resemblance to, what really happened. People who kill people while drunk driving often cop a plea of manslaughter, when everyone knows it's murder, and Roman Polanski pleaded guilty to a lesser charge than child rape, but it was child rape.

But I will say something about Whoopi Goldberg and the entire discussion on The View today: none of the ladies tried to justify Polanski's actions with the "defense" that he's a genius artist who made groundbreaking movies and should therefore be immune to punishment. Because make no mistake: those people are flat-out saying they would refuse to give up a few good movies to prevent the rape of a child. Whoopi may have been wrong today, but at least she wasn't that wrong.

In the clip above, Mika says she "doesn't get frustrated that much," by the guys on the Morning Joe crew, but Sherri Shepherd points out that she's often the only woman on the panel and "sometimes they say things that are so sexist." It seems Brzezinski follows the "boys will be boys" school of thought. She calls Mike Barnicle "my misogynist," then says she admires Joe because, "one of his key messages is to raise the bar."

Here's a brief look back at the various ways her male co-hosts have "raised the bar" in recent years:

JUNE 1, 2007
Mika wasn't present for the controversial incident in the YouTube video below, but there's no doubt that she heard about it. On Morning Joe, Joe discusses Fred Thompson's wife Jeri Thompson with a caller and asks, "Have you seen Fred Thompson's wife? You think she works the pole?"

JANUARY 18, 2008
Joe responds to the controversy over Chris Matthews saying that the only reason Hillary Clinton is,

"a U.S. senator, the reason she's a candidate for president, the reason she may be a front-runner is her husband messed around. That's how she got to be senator from New York. We keep forgetting it. She didn't win there on her merit."

According to Media Matters, Joe says:

I think it's outrageous that Chris Matthews has to apologize for saying something, inartfully perhaps, so many years later that op-ed writers were talking about in '99 and 2000 because Gloria Steinem, who wrote an op-ed supporting Hillary Clinton before New Hampshire, Media Matters, who many people have called a front group for Hillary Clinton, just because they're attacking Chris Matthews, who has obviously been critical of Hillary Clinton. What's your take?

JANUARY 23, 2008
On Morning Joe, Mike Barnicle says of Hillary Clinton, "when she reacts the way she reacts to Obama with just the look, the look toward him, looking like everyone's first wife standing outside a probate court, OK?" Media Matters reports that panelists Joe Scarborough, Willie Geist, and David Shuster all crack up.

JANUARY 30, 2008
According to Media Matters, Joe Scarborough announces, "I, actually - I don't endorse anybody because, as you know, I'm a journalist," which makes Mika Brzezinski laugh. Joe responds: "Mika, don't make me backhand you." She replies, "Oh, lord."

JULY 3, 2008
On MSNBC's Race for the White House, Joe argues with Rachel Maddow about whether or not Barack Obama said we'd be out of Iraq in 16 months in an interview during the campaign, according to Media Matters. Rachel Maddow laughs and tells Scarborough, "You're so wrong. I can't even hold it together. You're so wrong." He replies: "You might support Obama, but you've got the Clinton cackle down, Rachel. I'm proud of you."

MAY 13, 2009
While discussing Donald Trump's decision to let Carrie Prejean keep her crown, Joe polls the Morning Joe panel, asking if they think Carrie Prejean is beautiful in the video below from Media Matters. All the men raise their hands and Mika refuses to answer, saying the story is "stupid" and "ridiculous." Joe cuts her off saying, "Shh, shush. Seriously guys, when I ask you to cut her mic it's not like hey this is great TV theater, I mean cut her mic."

Actually, we see Mika's point: If we had to spend three hours with these guys every morning, we'd probably just stop taking them seriously too!

Scarborough Talks About Working The "Pole" [YouTube]
Joe Scarborough: "[I]t's Outrageous That Chris Matthews Has To Apologize" For Hillary Clinton Comments [Media Matters]
All-Male Morning Joe Panel Laughed As Barnicle Compared Clinton To "Everyone's First Wife Standing Outside A Probate Court" [Media Matters]
Scarborough To Brzezinski On Morning Joe: "[D]on't Make Me Backhand You" [Media Matters]
Scarborough To Maddow: "[Y]ou've Got The Clinton Cackle Down, Rachel. I'm Proud Of You" [Media Matters]
Morning Joe Crew Takes A Vote: "Who Thinks [Miss California]'s Beautiful?" [Media Matters]