[Calabasas, November 14. Image via INFDaily.]

• Could Michael Lohan go to jail for the phone calls he's been leaking?

Apparently Dina Lohan has had a protective order since 2005 — and it bans Michael Lohan from communicating with Dina by email or phone through 2011. One of the calls is supposedly from 2008, meaning Michael definitely violated the order. [TMZ]

• A "source" on Nicole Kidman's face at the Country Music Awards: "She looked freakish; She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan." [Page Six]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating! Director Catherine Hardwicke says so! But she says: "It didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film," since KStew was 18. Now that she's 19, it's on! TWILIGHT IS REAL ZOMG SPARKLEVAMP 4EVA BITE ME. [Us]
• Because he is awesome, Johnny Depp has offered to take care of Nicolas Cage's debts. Apparently Johnny was a struggling musician when he met Nic in the '80s, and Nic sent Johnny to his agent, who cast Johnny in Nightmare On Elm Street. [Daily Express]
• Levi Johnston had his Playgirl shoot yesterday, which involved a hockey stick and, naturally, nudity. Levi's manager Tank Jones says: "The shoot was fantastic! People are going to see more of Levi than they thought." Grrrreat. There's another shoot today; may we suggest a moose-skin rug? Or an igloo? [Us]
• Levi Johnston says he sees his upcoming memoir becoming a movie. "I would play myself," he says, naturally. [Gatecrasher]
• As previously mentioned, Chris Brown went to a Footaction store on Wednesday, and was heckled. A woman shouted, "I hope someone beats the fucking shit out of you!" Today Chris will be on Wendy Williams saying he's been "perceived wrong" and I'm definitely remorseful, and it's not something that I take lightly or think that it's, like, under the rug." [Page Six]
• Before the Country Music Awards, Wynonna Judd said Taylor Swift's nomination for Entertainer Of The Year was "too much too soon… I want kids to earn it." But now she says: "My intent was not to take anything from her talent and contributions to the country music industry… Taylor is a beautiful, hard working young woman that deserves the success she has had and I support her as an artist and as a woman in the business." Sure, sure. [Us Magazine]
• Lily Allen has hurt her foot after falling while carrying a suitcase down a flight of stairs. [The Sun]
• DVR alert: Kathy Griffin will be on Law & Order SVU. [TV Guide]
• Balloon Dad Richard Heene turned himself in yesterday and was released on a $5000 bond. [ET]
• Richard Heene will plead guilty to felony charges, his lawyer claims. Mayumi Heene will plead guilty to false reporting to authorities — a misdemeanor. Is there a law against making everyone worry? [NY Post]
• Amy Winehouse is working with a Miami-based producer on her third record, but her visa issues keep her from traveling. [The Sun]
• If you would like to see a mug shot of Cindy Crawford's alleged blackmailer, click the link. He's a former model who took a photograph he found in Cindy's nanny's room, and the pic shows Cindy's daughter bound and gagged for a "prank." [TMZ]
• Nadya Suleman would like for you to know that she is a competent mother. [Us]
• Some guy is auctioning off Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's marriage certificate from when they tied the knot in the Dominican Republic in 1994. The names Jackson + Presley = ca$h. [Perez]
• 20-year-old Daniel Radcliffe smoked pot and a party and it is "news." [Mirror]
• Geena Davis has gained weight and it is "news." [NY Daily News]
• Whoa — Emmy Rossum met Adam Duritz via Twitter? [People]
• BREAKING: Vivica A. Fox and 50 Cent are no longer pissed at each other. [Page Six]
• Rumors abounded but now it's official: Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane are expecting their first child. [Gatecrasher]
• In this video, David Beckham talks about playing with the LA Galaxy today, which means missing an England vs. Brazil game. [Guardian]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $20,000 by British club promoters who claim she accepted money but then did not appear at an event, saying she had a nosebleed. No, really. [NY Post]
• Aerosmith's management reportedly asked Steven Tyler to perform in a wheelchair. "I just wouldn't do it," Tyler told Rolling Stone. Not even if you were contractually obligated to do the gig and hurt yourself acting crazy on stage? Hmm. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Tori Amos' fantasy band would have Janis Joplin on vocals, Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, Bootsy Collins on bass and Zeppelin's John Bonham on drums. [Independent]
• In "10 Questions For Tony Hawk," the skateboarder says: "I don't want to name names. I'm just saying many Olympic sports require less physical effort and less talent than skateboarding." [Time]
• Chris Mann wrote the Three's Company tell-all book Come and Knock on Our Door, and served as consulting producer on NBC's behind-the-scenes movie about Company. On his blog, he writes that before John Ritter died, he was asked about Suzanne Somers' supposed breast cancer, and Ritter said: "We don't know if Suzanne has cancer or not, because she lies." [Retroality.tv]
• Jon & Kate is being replaced by Cake Boss, a show that seems super scripted but still pretty funny. And unlike those weird "challenge" cake shows, the cakes actually look edible and delicious. [NY Post]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor has tax problems. Will she have to move to the country and live on a farm with a pig named Arnold? Oh wait. That was Eva. Anyway, Bernard Madoff is to blame for this. [TMZ]
• Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009 airs December 19, and will feature the best holiday sketches from the show's 35-year history. [NY Post]
• TMZ lifted images from Radar Online. [Page Six]
• The Coen brothers are remaking True Grit, with Josh Brolin instead of John Wayne. [NY Daily News]
• "Look, I really am the last British actor who's not in any of the Harry Potter films. I was looking for something I could do that would make me cool in the eyes of my daughter." — Michael Sheen, of Frost/Nixon and, more importantly, New Moon. He also says: "I had to say to my daughter, 'I heard someone talking about this character Aro in these books. Do you know anything about that?' And she said, 'Yes, he's the leader of the Volturi and he reads people's minds. Are you playing him?' Of course I said, 'no, no, no'. When it was all worked out, she cried. Then she hit me." [Independent]
• It feels weird to do interviews because I don't understand why anyone wants to talk to me. There were all these other guys in high school that were bigger, funnier, and more handsome than I was, so why do you care about what I have to say? You should ask them." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I'm not aware of any fans. I do nothing to live in secrecy, but I really don't get recognized anywhere. Though I was walking my dog recently when someone yelled, 'Hey, Jason!' They said it so sweetly that I turned around and said, 'Hey!' Then they said, 'Fuck you, you asshole!' and drove away." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I had friends growing up, but I struggled to feel like I really fit in. If I was invited to a party, I would just end up sitting on a couch or standing in a corner by myself. But it wasn't like I was getting beat up or anything. I wish I had gotten beaten up, because at least that would've justified why I felt so homesick all the time, even though I was home." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "Susan Boyle is a lovely gracious woman, and I took advantage of that by poking fun at her." — Sharon Osboune, who, a week ago, said SuBo looked like she'd been hit by a "fucking ugly stick." [NY Post]
• We were disappointed, but we understand. He's only 1. But we were in Alaska and have plenty of footage of Trig." — Barbara Walters wanted to have Sarah Palin's grandson Trig in the studio, but he has a cold and couldn't make it. [Page Six]
• "It's disgusting that people would say those things. My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady. There's gonna be a time when I'm way curvier, and that'll be sexy, too." — Ashlee Simpson is tired of people calling Jessica Simpson fat. Ashlee also says her husband loves her body:"Pete isn't worried about stretch marks," she says. "He always makes me feel good." [Gatecrasher]
• "I have half-a-dozen close friends and Mariah is among the dearest. I flatter myself that the relationship is reciprocal: Mariah and I share a strong, sisterly friendship. She signs off all her letters to me with the affectionate endearment: 'Your sis, M.' Though she is stupendously rich and I am relatively poor, it is a friendship of equals. She visits me in my small home; I am a frequent guest at her various mansions and holiday villas all over the world." — from a piece written by a former MTV host who stayed friends with Mariah Carey after meeting her through work. [Daily Mail]
• "There are so many young girls wearing too much makeup, too much hairspray — I find that very dated." — Victoria Beckham. [Gatecrasher via Harper's Bazaar UK]

• It's Complicated's Alec Baldwin has amazing body image. "I have a great ass, if I may say so. That's a part of my body that needs no surgical enhancement or rearranging." But when it comes to cosmetic surgery, Baldwin says:

"I'm not saying I wouldn't do something! I intend to do something, I probably will. Let's put it this way: I wouldn't rule it out because... You don't think I wake up every day and wish I looked like this and this and this? But I can't let that bother me." Costar Meryl Streep is not convinced: "If you've ever even contemplated that stuff and looked at what can go wrong in any of those magazines, it's terrifying!" [Us via Entertainment Weekly ]

• Oooh! Julianne Moore on 30 Rock! Maybe as Alec Baldwin's love interest! [E!]
• Britney Spears' Australian tour has yet to begin, but it's already controversial: People have heard she'll be lip-syncing, and they are not happy. [AFP, Sydney Morning Herald]
• The Michael Lohan mess continues! Now Lindsay has Twittered, "Haha he's needs the book for dummies on HOW TO BE A MAN." In response, Michael says: "Lindsay is grasping at straws and when she gets angry she lashes out." And! "I want her to go into rehab." Yeah. We know. [RadarOnline]
• Lindsay also Tweeted that her father is a "loser" and, in reference to her mom, says: "She blames herself for staying w/him for so long, I'd beg her not to leave b/c he always threatened to kill her if she did." Michael Lohan responds: "That's a lie. I guess Lindsay is on more drugs than I thought to say something like that. Now I'm going to release more recordings that prove everything she is saying is nothing more than a bunch of lies. No wonder why God is taking her entire career away from her. Because she's forsaken everything He's given her and she's done nothing but misuse all the gifts she's given." [Page Six, ABC News]
• Want video of Michael Lohan saying Lindsay lies and so on? You got it. [Radar Online]
• Speaking of Michael Lohan, he and Hailey Glassman are among the witnesses TLC plans to subpoena in a breach of contract lawsuit filed against Jon Gosselin. That should be fun. [People, Radar Online]
• OMG OMG! The White House will host an episode of Iron Chef America, and contestants will use food from Michelle Obama's garden! [NY Daily News]
• Levi Johnston is pissed that William Shatner read his Tweets on The Tonight Show. His rep released a statement which reads: "My client, Levi Johnston, is being impersonated on your media (Twitter) and this is leading to libel and slanderous statements being attributed to him. ... We want you to put an immediate end to this illegal activity. ... You are being used as a medium to promote this illegality and we want immediate action." Etc., etc., etc. [ET, TMZ]
• Levi Johnston went shopping for hockey gear. For his ten-month-old son, Tripp. [ET]
• Levi Johnston is getting an award from our sister site, Fleshbot. [E!]
• Kate Hudson and A-Rod celebrated the Yankees' win by partying late. [NY Daily News]
• Will Oprah move her show from Chicago to L.A.? In a word: No. Not in the immediate future, anyway. But since her network, OWN, supposedly launches next year, she may move the show. But a source calls the OWN company "rudderless." [MSNBC Scoop]
• "Oprah Winfrey is removing gospel singer BeBe Winans from her show's 'karaoke challenge' until charges against him for allegedly pushing his ex-wife to the ground are resolved." [AP]
• Colin Farrell's sex tape has come back to haunt him, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's family. [Irish Central]
• Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are house-hunting together, if you care. [People]
• As you may have read in Midweek Madness, the stripper who claims she hooked up with Josh Duhamel claims that they fell asleep together after doing the deed, but "he kept waking her up for more sex." [Us]
• Awww: Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle says Freida Pinto and Dev Patel are "soul mates." [Mirror]
• Um, David Gest plans to hold a seance tonight to attempt to contact Michael Jackson. You know who Gest needs to contact? A good hairdresser, because there is something WRONG. [The Sun]
• Kevin Spacey made a joke about Simon Van Kempen, Alex McCord and Ramona Singer of the Real Housewives of NYC, but they didn't think it was funny. [Gatecrasher]
• A suicide prevention group is not happy about the scene in The Office when Michael tries to scare kids by hanging from a noose. [AP]
• Jesse James is ordering his ex-wife to leave new wife Sandra Bullock out of their custody battle. Sandra has been helping Jesse raise his 5-year-old daughter ever since January, when Jesse's ex-wife — porn star Janine Lindemulder — wen to jail for tax evasion. [People]
• Mean! Sharon Osbourne thinks that Susan Boyle "looks like a hairy [bleep]hole." [Page Six]
• Spotted: Paula Abdul bawling at a screening of Precious. [Page Six]
• Stephen Colbert saw Bob Woodruff trying to tape an interview with Bruce Springsteen near a bathroom, so, naturally, Colbert flushed the toilet every time Bruce started to talk. [Page Six]
• Kevin Federline certainly likes to procreate. The National Enquirer is reporting hat his girlfriend is pregnant. That's K-Fed's fifth kid. [Perez]
• "Morgan Freeman has settled a lawsuit related to a 2008 car accident that seriously injured him and a passenger, according to court records posted Thursday." [USA Today]
• Pamela Anderson has been living in a trailer while her home was being worked on. "I moved there because I was waiting for this damn house to be built in this posh part of Malibu — then I realized I was so much happier." But now she's ready to move back into her house, although, she says: "The kids don't want to leave." [Daily Express]
• MTV host Alexa Chung celebrated her birthday with Agyness Deyn, cake, and ice cream. [Page Six]
• James Gandolfini doesn't like it when you film him without his consent. In this video, he tells a guy with a camera, "I'm gonna break your fucking face." Jeez. Do not make Tony Soprano mad! [Gothamist]
• Whatshername's kid is okay and out of the hospital. [The Sun]
• "Being out and just open: It's very liberating. Now I don't have to dance around anything. I don't have to think 'Well, if I say that, they're going to figure this out and that's going to lead to this.' Now, everything is out on the table. I don't have anything to hide; I can be even bolder." — Wanda Sykes. [USA Today]
• "There's that saying, what other people think of me is none of my business? But I don't really care. And I've dined with my heroes, man. If we're talking about comedians and people that have taken shots at me, I don't get it. I don't get that, 'cause I know that the Chris Rocks and the Steve Martins and the Billy Cosbys and the Rodney Dangerfields, guys that I loved, embraced me. Other comics, what people deem 'alt comics,' a lot of them have egg on their face 'cause they're now making talking-animal movies. 'Cause they sold out hard-core. And they have to answer to their fans now - 'Hey, I took a shot at Dane,' but you're in Alvin and the Chipmunks. And you know what? More power to you. You did a movie that goes against what you preached, and what you hard-core vehemently nailed me on. I know you got a kid to feed. You might have a sick mom that you have to take care of. And that's okay. I'm not gonna take your legs out from under you. But I am aware that you put your head in your pillow, and maybe you should have bit your tongue a little bit." — Dane Cook. [NY Mag]
• "I've done a few things, playing around with the OCD thing — when I leave my house I do a few things just to see what that's like. It's fun — you just have to maintain a real level of stillness. There's an air of confidence that comes through that stillness which dictates on the character so it's been a fun ride." — Dominic Monaghan pretends he has OCD because he plays a character with OCD on FlashForward. [Mirror]
• "Pepsi has created a soda that has Viagra in it. It's not going to be called a soft drink anymore." — Bruce Springsteen. [Gatecrasher]
• "I wouldn't have made it on that show. The pressure is unbelievable. Success wasn't measured back then as it is today — it took us three albums to make it big and I don't think they would have let happen now." — Jon Bon Jovi on X Factor. [Telegraph]
• "We are not supposed to still be here." — Jon Bon Jovi on being in the biz for 25 years. [BBC News]
• "I'm gonna get in trouble for this, but I don't watch any of the shows! The only show that I've seen anything on was a couple episodes of Atlanta and that's because I'm really good friends with [Atlanta's] NeNe and she was telling me about something and I was like, 'Oh, that sounds juicy. I gotta watch it!' I just developed a makeup line called Gretchen Christine Beaute and I'm working on the Gretchen Project and I just don't have time to watch TV — it's hard enough to get me to sit down and watch the show I'm on! I already have enough drama, obviously, in my life, so I don't need to watch the drama of the other ones." — O.C. Real Housewife Gretchen. [PopWrap]
• "I just finished writing a script and I am trying to get funding and casting for it, believe it or not. It's called We and it's a love story… It is two parallel love stories told from a woman's point of view, obviously. One is a historical story that took place with the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. And the other is one I made up about a couple in New York." — Won't you please fund Madonna's film career? [Daily Express]
• "No more farm animals — and no more children!" — George Clooney. [CNN]

[Dublin, October 9. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• In the teaser footage from Larry King Live, it seemed like Chris Brown didn't remember assaulting Rihanna. But Chris has released a statement which reads:

"There have been reports on the Internet that I didn't remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight. That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like four or five times – and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said. The first four times – or however many times it was – I gave the same answer – which was that I didn't think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn't fair to Rihanna. The fifth time – or whatever it was – I just misspoke. I was asked, 'Do you remember doing it?' and I said, 'No.' Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can't believe it happened because it is not me or who I am, nor is what happened like anything I have ever done before." There's more, but it's similarly vague. He does say he wants to talk to a counselor about what happened and how to channel his anger. [People, TMZ]

• Madonna and Jesus Luz were at the Western Wall in Jerusalem's Old City, and caused a "frenzy" of onlookers and paparazzi. Madonna wore high heels, blue jeans and a black jacket; Jesus wore a black T-shirt and a blank expression. [Daily Mail]
• In an interview with TV Guide, Paula Abdul talks about her emotional farewell from American Idol. "You know, to say ‘no regrets' isn't easy," Paula said. "I feel like I have been such a big, huge part of the success of the show from day one. I loved being able to be the artist's artist; being there from my point of view of knowing what it feels like to be vulnerable and to be out there wanting to achieve the most magical moment in a minute and 30 seconds. To be able to do that was an amazing experience and the show was wonderful for me in that regard." But she will not be taken advantage of! "I stand on principle where many people stand on money," she explained. "I'm a hard-working artist. I've lasted in this business for 23 years. And you can't do that unless you are good at what you do. I believe in myself and you have to have your own self-respect." [MSNBC]
• Paula Abdul will be on TV — playing a judge on Drop Dead Diva and hosting VH1's Divas concert. [USA Today]
• While in Las Vegas, Jon Gosselin was seen jewelry shopping. He looked at a few pinky rings, but mostly checked out engagement rings. [Radar Online]
• Paris Jackson got her hair cut and her security collected the hair from the floor and put it in a bag so no one could take a strand and do some kind of DNA test. [MSNBC via Daily Mail]
• Michael Jackson had been requesting hospital-grade sedatives in order to sleep since 1994. [MSNBC]
• OMG: Soleil Moon Frye dressed up as Punky Brewster for her Twitter fans. Sunburst hair barrettes, stripey socks, a key around the neck. Holy macanoli. Video here. [TMZ, Ustream]
• Pete Wentz is working on a new comic book series, Fall Out Toy Works, and says: "I think after you have a kid, all of a sudden you want to do things that your kid can see." But the comic image at the link depicts robot girl with giant breasts and a mini-waist, which doesn't seem appropriate for 9-month-old Bronx. [USA Today]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters were not even watching the Daytime Emmy Awards when The View won this year, after 11 years on the air. Joy Behar joked: "I always said that the key to success was showing up - this time I was wrong." [Gatecrasher]
• "Consider this year's slate of Emmy nominees for best actress in a drama: Sally Field, 62; Holly Hunter, 50; Glenn Close, 62; Mariska Hargitay, 45, and Kyra Sedgwick, 43. The single exception on the list is Elisabeth Moss, the ambitious, naive Peggy Olson in Mad Men, which recently returned for its third season. If Moss, who is 27, were to win, she would be the youngest winner in the category's history." [Philadelphia Inquirer]
• Kim Mathers did an interview with a Detroit radio station about her ex-husband, Eminem. She did not hold back, saying: "I can't stand him. He's an absolutely horrible person and he gets worse every day. I vomit in my mouth whenever I'm around him or I hear his name. There's nothing left in me for him. Nothing at all. He's not very well endowed. If you're going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill, because otherwise it does not work." [The Sun]
• Real Housewives Of New York City is filming again; a crew was seen at Jill Zarin's fabric firm yesterday. But a source says there are two new women "waiting in the wings." [Page Six]
• Here's the reason Amy Winehouse was seen with magic marker freckles on her nose: Blake Fielder-Civil used to call her his "lioness." A source says: "She painted the orange marks on her nose and wore a tiger-print top so that Blake would notice." Uh, do lions have freckles? [The Sun]
• Jay-Z will mark the eighth anniversary of 9/11 with a concert to benefit the families of New York's Finest and Bravest who died that day. [Page Six]
• Interested in a story linking Sharon Osbourne, Ryan Jenkins, Jasmine Fiore, Michael Jackson, Tommy Lee Jones ... and Kevin Bacon? [TMZ]
• Keanu Reeves will star in and produce Henry's Crime, a romcom about a bighearted man who is falsely accused of robbing a bank in Buffalo. [Variety]
• Tia and Tamera Mowry will star in a Lifetime move called Double Wedding. Twin sisters begin dating the same man; cue hijinks. [Variety]
• In an interview to air on September 11, ESPN reporter Erin Andrews tells Oprah that having secretly taped nude footage of her on the internet was a "nightmare." [AP]
• "Stephen Fry: gorillas staring at my moobs inspired weight loss. Stephen Fry has said he was inspired to lose five-stone in weight when he noticed gorillas eyeing-up his ''man boobs'' with jealousy." [Telegraph]
• Shania Twain has been "moving on" since her marriage broke up last year: She is nnow with the husband of the woman her husband had an affair with and will be a guest judge on American Idol. [Reuters]
• Whatshername has spent £150,000 on a new dressage horse "which she is calling Cross Dresser." [The Sun]
• Whatshername met her new boyfriend's parents. [Mirror]
• "I was raped when I was younger, more than once." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [The Sun]
• "[When I first met him] he was wearing an EPMD T-shirt, which let me know he knew and loved classic hip-hop music and was a true fan of the culture. He was excited to meet me and told me what the show I used to host, Yo! MTV Raps, meant to his music development. He really wanted me to sign his DVD of my film Wild Style, which I sadly never got to do. I would later check him out in numerous clips on YouTube where I could see he was truly talented and was elevating the DJ game to new heights along with Travis Barker on the drums. DJ AM and I would exchange small messages on Twitter and I'd often notice him tweet about how he'd landed safely in whatever town he was in as a year ago he survived that tragic plane crash. His last tweet and looking at his @djam twitter page now looks like a monument to a fallen soldier in the culture war, which he was winning. R.I.P. DJ AM...and the BEAT GOES ON!!!!" — Fab Five Freddy. [The Daily Beast]
• "I try to [Twitter]. My parents are way better at it, obviously, than me. I keep trying to figure out, like, do people really care if I'm, like, 'hey, I'm doing my laundry!' [laughs] I keep trying to figure it out, but I'm working on it." — Rumer Willis. She also reveals that her middle sister, Scout, is fluent in French. [JustJared]
• "My early life from infancy to leaving home at 16 was spent in care. I had some wonderful social workers who supported me and helped me achieve my goals in life. That's why it's important to recruit more social workers. There are many people out there, whether they be children, families, vulnerable adults, even the aged, who need a social worker. I want to enable them to have the support they need. Help us to help them, and maybe one day they may help you." — Samantha Morton. [Guardian]
• "If you are old you're not going to play young leads any more, that's a fact. In the film world, the camera loves a young person, man or woman. That's a fact... None of these things are ever going to change. So absorb it, live with it, get over it. I'm not being unkind, but I'm just saying millions of crones like me shouldn't suddenly be given the lead in things, just because we're damn old and very ... sort of recalcitrant." — Joanna Lumley. [Telegraph]
• "There was a photo of me with weird sunglasses on and a green sweatshirt, some striped thing, with tights and cowboy boots. Something really random where in some sense it's me. To this day, I have never read the article. I just saw the photo and thought, 'God, I look crazy in that photograph!' " — Mary-Kate Olsen. [Page Six]

• Renée Zellweger and Bradley Cooper are so on. How on are they?

They walk like teenagers at the state fair: Hands on each others asses. Image at link! [TMZ]

• Here are more invasion of privacy pix of Renee and Bradley in a Barcelona hotel, and what's really notable are Renee's torturous heels. [Daily Mail]
• Oh-so-demure actress Emmy Rossum, 22, is getting a secret divorce from her secret husband after getting a secret marriage on some secret date. Secrets! [JustJared]
• On Angelina Jolie at the Inglourious Basterds premiere: "Even though Jolie skipped most press, when we chatted with her for a bit she was bubbly, fun and...nice. What gives? Could Jolie be preggers again or something?" Yes, if a woman is in a good mood, she must be sperminated. [E!]
• Jon Gosselin has given an eloquent statement in response to Kate's appearance on the today show. "Kate's the mother of my children," he told E! News. "I only wish her the best." [Usa Magazine]
• Apparently Regis Philbin and Kate Gosselin had an awkward moment in an interview which will air on Live With Regis And Kelly tomorrow. He asked if Kate could see herself reconnecting with Jon. She said: "I can't and won't answer that. I keep certain things private, and that's one." Then, Reeg being Reeg, he said: "I think you [and your husband] will get back together and live happily ever after. I think everything is going to work itself out - he'll say he's sorry, that he loves you and everything will be good." Kate had no response and the show cut to commercial. [NY Daily News]
• Justin Timberlake is bringing chukker back: He bought a house in Connecticut in a private gated community famed for Greenwich polo matches. [Page Six]
• John Hughes was mourned yesterday at a private service in Lake Forest, Illinois. Among the attendees: Family, friends, Vince Vaughn, Ben Stein and Matthew Broderick. [USA Today]
• Kate Hudson wants to have Alex Rodriguez's baby. [MSNBC]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, has been hospitalized in California. Details? None. A source says: "This is not a big deal and Nadya should be back on her feet in a few days." [Radar Online]
• Ben Stiller will appear on an episode of Bear Grylls' Man Vs. Wild, and says he'd like to see some other stars survive in the wilderness: "I really would love to invite Demi Moore." [The Sun]
• Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush: Reunited and it feels so good? [Perez]
• Kourtney Kardashian kissed a girl. And liked it. On camera. And it's part of the promotional blitz for her show Kourtney And Khloe Take Miami. But, she says: "I feel like I'm definitely into men." [E!]
• Unbeweavable! Amy Winehouse: The Musical. Might happen. [The Sun]
• Zac Efron is at the center of a lawsuit in Beverly Hills small claims court; a woman claims he hit a cab and the cab hit her. She's looking for $3,319.76 — which should be doable if a bunch of you guys go rent 17 Again. [TMZ]
• It had been reported that Real Housewives Of Atlanta' Lisa Wu Hartwell had been evicted from her home, but she says: "We chose to move, we were not evicted. It was a short-sell. It was not a foreclosure." [People]
• Whee! Natalie Portman will produce Booksmart, the comedy written by our girlcrush Sarah Haskins and her pal Emily Halpern. This is the one about two overachieving high school seniors who realize they don't have boyfriends and resolve to each find one by prom. [Variety]
• Joe Jonas may be joining the cast of Valentine's Day, which, in addition to Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx and Queen Latifah, stars his ex, Taylor Swift. [E!]
• Even though it was previously reported that Michael Jackson had already been buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery, Joe Jackson says MJ is "not buried yet." And: "I think Vegas would be great."
• Will the 9th season of Dancing With The Stars be Jackson-inspired? Lou Ferrigno is "definitely interested." LaToya Jackson is in talks. Jermaine Jackson wants to do it too, and "thinks he could win it all." [MSNBC]
• LaToya Jackson's discussions to join DWTS are "serious." [Us Magazine]
• Jermaine Jackson was trying to pull together a "Happy Birthday Michael Jackson" televised tribute concert in Vienna on August 29, but couldn't get it organized in time. [Page Six]
• Is Blanket Blaxican?!?!? [Mirror]
• There's a dispute over the Billy Mays autopsy results; the medical examiner should not have immediately listed "heart disease" as the cause, since it ignored the toxicology work which found cocaine, Xanax and Vicodin in the pitchman's system. [TMZ]
• Amber Rose naked, holding a whip. [The Life Files]
• Joey Buttafuoco: Suing Mary Jo. Apparently he's not happy that her new book calls him a sociopath. [La Daily Musto]
• Pete Doherty is going to trial for drugs. Related: Sky is blue. [The Sun]
• Farrah Fawcett's friend Alana Stewart says that Redmond O'Neal is "doing well" and is getting sober. "He's in a rehab part of the jail and he's going to go to a regular rehab after this. He feels his mother's with him; he feels her presence very strongly and he promised her in a phone call just before she died that he would never do drugs again, so I hope that he's able to keep that promise." [Daily Express]
• Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza, who got in trouble last year when people found out that she'd posed for a jewelry ad in the nude, a no-no for Miss Universe contestants, will appear topless in Maxim's September issue. Of course. [Page Six]
• "I always look at things and say, 'Will Barbra be proud?' She does such elegant work. Am I the guy who is going out and doing the tacky stuff? So I weighed it a lot. I decided to do it because I wanted to do comedy stuff so bad." — James Brolin, on appearing in the raunchy comedy The Goods, starring Jeremy Piven. [LA Times]
• "My humor isn't meant to be mean or hurt anyone. But it's to make them uncomfortable and laugh. I like making people feel a different range of emotions. I like to make people a bit confused." — Charlyne Yi. [USA Today]
• "If I'm honest, I don't think I'll ever be totally free from that. It's much more under control but food for me will never be easy. I used it as a shield. It was a way to fend off rejection: you'll never want me, look how fat I am. I'll be the fat, funny one." — Sharon Osbourne, on her bulimia and food addictions. [Daily Express]
• "I worked with such amazingly talented people that just a brush stroke would change my face a little bit. I looked at myself in the mirror one day and I didn't really realise we were doing the older Clare that day and I said 'Oh, I'm looking a little haggard', before being told it was paint." — Rachel McAdams on playing all different ages in The Time Traveller's Wife. [Mirror]
• "I'm a successful woman, in the public eye, and raising a kid by myself. It can leave guys feeling like, 'Damn, how can I have a chance?' Just be a man!" — Taraji P. Henson, to Men's Fitness. She looks hot in the snaps at the link. [Gatecrasher]
• "There was a very funny thread on a message board somewhere online that said, 'Yeah, well, they obviously Photoshopped it, because who would sit in water all day for a photo shoot?' Well, no… [Laughs.] I sat in a giant tank of water for a solid Saturday, and it was kind of fun, actually. I mean, once you're wet, you're wet. You don't get any more wet. So you're just kind of like, 'All right, here we are.' And it was a bunch of crewmembers and waiters and an incredibly skillfully constructed set, and I think a pretty cool image that they got out of it as well. I'm sure they could have done some kind of photo trickery, but this makes for a better story, and it's way cooler to go build it and do it for reals. I think online, there's a time-lapse image of it filling up, too." — Jon Hamm, on the promotional photo for Mad Men's third season, in which he is sitting in a room full of water. [AV Club] 
• "I'm very religious. I'm a big Christian girl. I kinda wanted to keep those values a little bit. I haven't told my dad [I posed for Playboy] yet. I might not tell him. My mom was so excited she was just, like, pose! God gave you that body, you show off that cute little thing." — Heidi Montag. [Extra]

• Paula Abdul will not return to American Idol. This announcement comes via her Twitter. She wrote:

"With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return to #IDOL. I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all I'll miss being a part of a show that I helped from day1 become an international phenomenon. What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me… It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month… I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all." She was reportedly looking for as much as $20 million to continue with the show, but producers were recently heard talking up new host Kara DioGuardi (who has already signed on for another season, along with Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest). [Variety]

• First we heard that Penelope Cruz might be knocked up, then we heard she quit smoking, and now a source says: "Penelope is about four months pregnant." Congrats to Penny and lover Javier Bardem! [Just Jared]
• Thank Zeus: Jennifer Aniston has signed on for a movie we can actually get behind: Goree Girls is about an all-female country band in a Texas prison in the 1940s. [Variety]
• Presented without comment: "A park bench featuring a sculpture of a nude Angelina Jolie with her infant twins is to be unveiled in Oklahoma to promote World Breastfeeding Week." [UPI]
• Madonna's old love letters "borrowed heavily" from Anne Sexton poems. [Page Six]
• Childhood stardom can be tough. Ashley Olsen tells Marie Claire: "[Growing up,] it was almost like I was in the Army. School, work, homework, fly to New York, get in at 2 in the morning, do a morning show at 5 a.m., then another one at 7, then a radio interview at 10." She adds: "I look at Britney, and I'm surprised I didn't end up like her." [Gatecrasher]
• When Jon and Kate Gosselin announced their split, they got great ratings; the new episode's ratings? Crappy. Hence the headline, "Viewers Break Up With 'Jon and Kate.'" [AdAdge]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Jon Gosselin is on the cover of In Touch, saying "I'm tired of being blamed." He says his marriage fell apart in October 2008. "Many people think that everything moved too fast, that I was out partying too quickly. But Kate gave up on the marriage last October, and the divorce will be finalized by Sept. 30." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Robert Pattinson has been voted the sexiest man in the world in a Glamour mag poll in which many of the women were obviously Twihards. [The Star]
• Spotted: Kelly Bensimon and Damages actress Rose Byrne vying for Gerard Butler's attention. "Kelly blocked Gerard from speaking to Rose and was flirting up a storm - but he couldn't have seemed less interested." Gerard found Rose later and took her to a "private corner" to talk. [Gatecrasher]
• Gerard Butler says he got involved in his new romcom because he was always cracking jokes: "I was doing an action movie with the guys who made this and at night we would go to dinner and I would be like 'did you hear the one about this?' and they were like The Ugly Truth." [Mirror]
• Chris Brown will be sentenced for assault today. [AP]
• Elisabeth Moss says she and Mad Men costar Christina Hendricks — who are both getting married soon — are having their cakes made by the same people.
  "We've been exchanging flower information a little bit," she says. "Our weddings are sort of different, but we love talking about it." [People]
• CW programming chief Dawn Ostroff says Mischa Barton is at work on her new show The Beautiful Life and has been "great" and there have been "no issues." Everything is FINE okay? [USA Today]
• According to this report, it's not Mischa the CW producers are worried about, it's Elle Macpherson, her TBL costar, who has a large role, but can't act. [Gatecrasher]
• Jamie-Lynn Sigler gets kinda Sopranos-esque in this video, "The Real Housewives of New Jersey with Jamie-Lynn Sigler." Bonus points for "buh-bies." [Funny Or Die]
• The Michael Jackson concert rehearsal footage will be a full-length motion picture… if a probate judge approves the deal by Monday. [AP]
• Joe Jackson, thank you for saying the following: "I do visit the family residence from time to time and will continue to do so, however I will not be involved in raising the children." [AP]
• Administrators of Michael Jackson's estate expect to earn cash from merchandising Jackson-related stuff, which would be good for the kids. [TMZ]
• David and Victoria Beckham MIGHT be moving to a £10million home in Chelsea, London, and here are pictures of the house they COULD live in someday. [Daily Mail]
• Check out Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel in this music video shot to promote (500) Days Of Summer. It's got a '60s look and DANCING! [USA Today, USA Today]
• John Slattery, aka Mad Men's Roger Sterling, may direct an upcoming episode of the AMC show. [LA Times]
• Candy Spelling is still using the media to talk to daughter Tori Spelling. Last week she accused Tori of using her kids as "reality show props"; today she's telling Tori: "I love you, and I always will." [USA Today]
• Daniel Baldwin says of the woman who claims he left her a "hostile" message: "Either she's delusional, can't remember what's going on, or she's psychotic." The woman fired his niece, who is a nanny, and allegedly threatened the niece, saying she would never work in Malibu again. Baldwin says he texted back: "Please don't threaten my niece" and that's it. [E!]
• Former U.S. President Bill Clinton will present filmmaker Steven Spielberg with the 2009 Liberty Medal at a ceremony in Philadelphia. [UPI]
• Jay Leno's new show will have "correspondents" — Brian Williams, Mikey Day, Rachael Harris, D.L. Hughley and Jim Norton. [Page Six]
• Josh Duhamel is in talks to star with Katherine Heigl in Life As We Know It, a romance about two people "whose worlds are turned upside down when their mutual best friends die in an accident and name them as caregivers of their orphaned daughter." Cue parenting goofs, falling in love. [Variety]
• Bam Margera is working it out with his wife, with the help of marriage counseling and meds. [TMZ]
• Johnny Hallyday, the "French Elvis," fell while boarding a yacht on the Riviera last month and dislocated his hip. [Page Six]
• This picture of Whatshername face down getting her ass squeezed while getting a massage is one of the reasons I can't bear to be interested in her. In any case, Whatshisname is hoping for a quickie divorce. [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which wacky celeb is certainly no angel when it comes to her hobbies? This hostess holds drawing parties for her gal pals - complete with a nude model and lots of alcohol." [Gatecrasher]
• "Silence is a powerful weapon in drama, "What you don't say and what you don't reveal can be as powerful as what you do say. My intention is to make [the performance] as real as possible but never forgetting that it's actually drama." — Gabriel Byrne, on In Treatment. [LA Times]
• "She comes to L.A. from the Midwest to find her mother [who turns out to be one of the original show's characters, Sydney Andrews, played by Laura Leighton], and all of a sudden she's thrown in with the sharks." — Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, on her Melrose Place character. [WWD]
• "In the music business in the Seventies, girls were beautiful. You were a performer, or you could be a girlfriend or groupie, but you still had to look good. I didn't have the face or the body that opens doors... Not being beautiful was an education. My achievements are down to my looks, or lack of them... I'm not putting myself down, that's the truth." — Sharon Osbourne, who says being "short, fat and hairy" meant she had to "develop a brain and personality and be fun and smart and learn to get on with people and make deals." [Daily Mail]
• "I'm not going to confirm or deny that. It might jump forward, it might not." -Jon Hamm, on whether the third season of Mad Men takes place two years after the last season ended. [NY Mag, via ESPN podcast]
• "A lot of his chickens came home to roost, so to speak. He had a lot of balls in the air, and they all kinda came crashing down as the season progressed. A lot more happens in season three, and there's a lot of change coming his way. Not only in his life, but a lot happens in the culture as well. So far, it's been an amazing season and I can't wait for people to see it." -Jon Hamm, on Don Draper's meltdown last season and how Don recovers (or doesn't). [NY Mag, via ESPN podcast]
• "They're fucking nuts. You have to either accept that or you do like me: You get married four times."— James Caan, on women. [Page Six via Men's Journal]
• "My music is a little more edgy so that inspired me to be adventurous. I've never dyed my hair before so this was a pretty drastic change. I've always been known as a brunette but I've been thinking about it for a long time and it kind of just fit with all of the searching with the music and experimenting that I would do the same thing with my look. The look has affected the way I dress, it's inspired me to be more adventurous with what I decide to wear. It's silly that something so simple as changing your hair could have such a big effect. I'm just having fun with it." — Katharine McPhee, on dying her hair blonde. [People]
• "I'm not great [at romance in real life] actually — my husband [musician Josh Kelley] and I have had this argument, I can be but generally I am a little, like, squeamish about being too romantic. I do love a good snuggle, but I don't want to, have to, get all verbally gooey." — Katherine Heigl. [Mirror]
• "I probably seem like not a particularly nice person, not a girl's girl. I think if you put a camera in anyone's life and document it daily for six years, from the age of 21 to 27, there are going to be things that aren't always pretty. Those are the rebellious years, the years of self discovery. I've never been someone who has conformed, and I think my response to that level of attention was to pretend it didn't exist." — Sienna Miller. [Daily Mail]
• "I'm disgusted by him. Here's a guy with eight kids who runs off to 'find himself' — well, he should have found himself a condom." — Joan Rivers on Jon Gosselin. [Page Six]

• Madonna has flown a nanny and a nurse to Malawi to look after Mercy while adoption papers and visas are being arranged. The deal's not done and the kid already has an entourage! [The Sun]

• Newsworthy: Megan Fox wore a red dress with a slit up to there and no bra and says, "I'm currently what you would call single I guess." [The Sun]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown were both at Game 4 of the NBA finals in Orlando on Thursday, and Chris went over where Rihanna and her posse were sitting and shook hands with all of her friends. But Rihanna was at the game to see Magic forward Rashard Lewis, "whom she's currently crushing on." [Gatecrasher]
• Usher is singing "You make me wanna… file for divorce" to wife Tameka Foster. [NY Daily News]
• "Fragile Susan Boyle dramatically dropped out of the Britain's Got Talent tour yesterday." [The Sun]
• Officials say Susan Boyle's cancellation was just a "one-off rest day." [NY Post]
• SHOCKER: Jon and Kate did not spend their 10th wedding anniversary together. [NY Daily News]
• As previously mentioned, Bruce Willis' daughter Tallulah is an intern at Bazaar, but the Post points out that since she's 15 and unpaid, it's in violation of federal labor laws. Bazaar clarifies: "Tallulah is a guest of Harper's Bazaar, shadowing our editors for a couple of weeks." [Page Six]
• Behold: Bruce Willis and new wife in some kind of "fetishistic shoot." She seems to be wearing those ankle-wrenching Nina Ricci shoes; he seems to be wearing very little. Won't someone think of the 15-year-old intern??? [NY Post]
• "BRAD PITT GOES ON ART BUYING BINGE." Well, he bought one painting. [Page Six]
• Brad Pitt's brother Doug has announced that the The Brad Pitt family is donating $1 million to establish an endowment fund to pay cancer specialists at St. John's hospital in Springfield , MO — the the center will be renamed St. John's Jane Pitt Pediatric Cancer Center in honor of their mother. [News-Leader]
• Lady GaGa dyes her dark hair blonde because she was once mistaken for Amy Winehouse: "Amy is a badass but I want to be known for my own look." Oh, you are, dear. You are. [The Sun]
• Dolly Parton in a Girl Scouts uniform! [Star Tribune]
• Prince Harry is pining for ex Chelsy Davy and told a friend, "I lost the best thing that ever happened to me." New love interest Caroline Flack doesn't have enough Ys in her name, so she's out of the picture. [The Sun]
• Re: Chaz Bono's sex change: The only regret? He wishes he had done it sooner. [TMZ]
• Three words: Octomom The Musical. [People]
• The new Miss California USA, Tami Farrell, says: "I'm trying my best to kind of calm the waters… I think that everything in life happens for a reason, and I'm just blessed to have this opportunity." These statements were made while she was attending the Playboy Jazz Festival at the Hollywood Bowl. Obviously. [CNN]
• Kelly Preston is in a PSA promoting healthy food for kids; you can watch it at the link. [People]
• Even though she's on tour with No Doubt, Gwen Stefani says: "My priorities are always going to be my husband and my family now. That's a huge, huge thing." [NY Daily News]
• SCANDAL: Justin "I'm A Mac" Long doesn't have an iPhone. [Page Six]
• Check out this silly interview with Shawn Wayans and his nephews, who are responsible for Dance Flick. Among Shawn's quips: "Obama is a superhero, man… Obama takes his kids to school and then he goes to work and saves the economy." [NY Times]
• Paul McCartney thinks you should go vegetarian at least once a week, to help the environment. Hence: Meat Free Monday. What's it gonna be tonight, folks? Mac and cheese? Falafel? Ice cream sundaes? [Telegraph]
• Sarah Silverman has a book of "autobiographical essays" coming out next April. [Page Six]
• Morgan Freeman is being sued for negligence regarding that horrible car crash last August; he denies the allegations. [E!]
• Though she stopped receiving treatment for anal cancer about a month ago, Farrah Fawcett's condition has not changed; she is still "stable." [Fox News]
• Does Sharon Osbourne owe $23,363.16 in California State taxes? [TMZ]
• Dennis Quaid has been cast as Bill Clinton in The Special Relationship, a film about the former president and Tony Blair — and Quaid's been "encouraged" to gain about 25 pounds. "It's Dennis's worst nightmare," says a source. "He is really health-conscious, but has been asked to follow the same diet as Clinton and gorge himself on Big Macs and Coca-Cola." The horror. [Telegraph]
• "Nine years, 18 seasons and 15 iterations of wilderness later, Survivor host Jeff Probst is a man of simple needs: A shower to call his own and a movie theater within driving distance." The ultimate Survivor? [LA Times]
• Tracey Ullman's show, State Of The Union, is available on Showtime in the US, but the BBC won't buy it. [Daily Express]
• Oh, dear: Those people suing Miley Cyrus for defaming Asians in her "slanty eye" picture got a judge who uses the word "orientals." Obviously they want him off the case. [TMZ]
• A lawsuit filed against Michael Jackson won't stop his comeback tour in London. [MSNBC]
• "The amusement-park rides, elephants and orangutans have been hauled away… Bats hang over the doorway to the building that housed Mr. Jackson's private arcade; guano stains the threshold." — from an update on the property known as Neverland, once the home of Michael Jackson. [WSJ]
• In a conversation with David Cross, he reveals that he has a publicist for the first time ever — at the urging of his girlfriend Amber Tamblyn; he has a book coming out in August,; and, he says: Alvin and the Chipmunks paid me more than all my other projects combined." He just finished the sequel. [LA Times]
• Katie "Jordan" Price on husband Peter Andre: "He's treating our split like a publicity stunt to relaunch his career." [Mirror]
• Hundreds of mourners gathered at a funeral for David Carradine in Hollywood on Saturday; music included The Beatles' "Let It Be" and Ludwig von Beethoven's "Requiem for a Fallen Hero." [AP]
• Oooh, Ghostbusters: Where Are They Now? [NY Daily News]
• John Amos, known for his roles in Roots, The West Wing and as the dad in Good Times, debuted his country single, "We Were Hippies," as part of the 2009 CMA Music Week in Nashville. [UPI]
• Did you know that David Bowie has a 38-year-old son, Duncan Jones? And did you know that he directed the new Sam Rockwell flick, Moon? [Patricia Glassop, the mother of late INXS singer Michael Hutchence says she hasn't seen her son's only daughter in years — Tiger Lily, 12, is being raised by Sir Bob Geldof, who is responsible for the ladies known as Peaches and Pixie. "Bob hasn't exactly been a role model in the parenting stakes when you look at the behavior of Peaches and Pixie. Glassop says: "Bob hasn't exactly been a role model in the parenting stakes when you look at the behavior of Peaches and Pixie." Ouch! [This Is London]
• "If you're going to be an actress you can't be coy. Breasts are sexy. I want to see them and audiences want to see them. I've had to do my fair share of it. If you're going to be an actress or a model it's usually part of the package. Men don't have to worry because their private parts don't make pleasant viewing, she thinks. "We don't want to see willies because they're ugly. We want to see breasts because they're beautiful." — Rachel Ward, whom you may have seen in The Thorn Birds. [Daily Express]
• "I stand by what I said. They did copy my song but I don't think they did it on purpose. I have even copied myself without even knowing I have done it. I'll write down what I think is a good melody and realise it's the same as something I have already done. I don't want them to think I am angry with them. I'd love to sit down and have a cup of tea with them and let them know it's okay." — Yusuf Islam, aka Cat Stevens, on Coldplay. [Daily Express]
• "If any of you have a project entitled Everlasting Love With an Adult Stable Male, I'm at table 6 and my agents are at table 12!" — Jennifer Aniston, joking about her single status at an awards dinner. [E!]
• "Christina is basically a woman with a God complex that's really going to have to, like, get real. She's going to have to learn to take care of herself as intensely as the patients." — Jada Pinkett Smith, on her character in Hawthorne, who is the only African-American woman to carry an hour-long drama (along with Jill Scott in The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency) since 1974. [NY Times]
• "It's dangerous to bring this up, I talked about him in an interview not long ago, saying that I still love him, and he was like, 'Please stop talking about it.'" — Sienna Miller on Jude Law. [Mirror via Vogue]
• "In some ways, I was waiting for that cyclical swing back. Everything has a time and a space. I feel like something's changing. Especially when Amy Winehouse came out, I'm talking to 17-year-olds that I know, and they're freaking out about her. That's when I thought, things are getting fresh." — singer Maxwell, on his return. [WWD]
• "Amanda's such a hot mess that it's a dream to play her, although now of course people assume I'm a bitch in real life, when I'm actually the least intimidating person around. I sometimes wish I could channel Amanda. I was in a store the other day and the cashier was mean to me. I felt like doing an Amanda and shouting, 'Listen, maybe you should learn to dress better!' but I just couldn't." — Becki Newton, who plays Amanda Tanen on Ugly Betty. [Daily Mail]
• "Family life revolves around Elizabeth. If we decided to go on holiday, the first questions are: can Elizabeth go? Will she be okay? Will she have fun? That's the way it's always been, and that's just fine by me." — Eva Longoria on her 42-year-old sister, who has Down Syndrome but is "highly functional" and graduated high school and is now a special education teacher. [Daily Mail]
• "I was Cornish Gamehen for a while, which was bizarre. But for the last couple years, I have been Meryl Inch — however, there is too much of a debacle going on there these days to continue that. So I have to come up with something creative." — Mandy Moore, on what name she uses when she checks into a hotel. [CNN]
• "Reality is an elusive seductress. I like watching her hips move." — Tori Amos. [Times Of London]

• Don't call it a comeback: Amy Winehouse's attempt to restart her career in St. Lucia was a disaster, with audience members booing her as she stumbled about and forgot the lyrics to her songs. [DailyMail]

• Amy was apparently upset that many of the songs reminded her of her estranged husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, and spent most of the set drinking and mumbling to herself. You can watch a video of the performance here. [NewsOfTheWorld]
• Heavy rain didn't help matters either: Amy was forced to end the show early due to bad weather. [NYTimes]
• Susan Boyle was invited to sing for President Obama, but was apparently too overwhelmed to accept the invitation. "She was shocked and thrilled by the invite - but it was all too much too soon for her so she said No," says a source, "She has been told President Obama has seen clips of her on TV and loved her singing. And she is delighted. But instead she'll have no doubt stayed in with her cat Pebbles, washed her hair and watched Britain's Got Talent on telly."[NewsOfTheWorld]
• Matthew Broderick is getting some not-so-helpful advice on the upcoming arrival of his twin daughters: "Yeah, I'm ready. You know, I've asked people, 'What's it like to have twins?' One father said, 'I don't recommend it.' But the rest have been very positive." [PopSugar]
• Sharon Osbourne admits that she has a bit of a crush on Russell Brand: "Oh, he's a sexy old thing," she says. [Mirror]
• OMG, what does the very lovely Victoria Beckham look like without makeup after working out at the gym? She looks like the very lovely Victoria Beckham without makeup after working out at the gym, of course. [DailyMail]
• "I'm still baffled as to why people are so interested in my life. It's so weird, even my dog Norman gets recognised - he's famous. But I'm cutting him off, I've told him no more Oprah appearances! It's been horrendous at times. I have had to simply move through it and try to think positively."- Jennifer Aniston [DailyMail]
• The fate of Miss California, Carrie Prejean, will be decided this week: press conferences will be held on Monday and Tuesday to announce whether or not Prejean will be stripped of her crown for failing to disclose that she had posed for "sexy pictures" in the past. [E!]
• Hugh Jackman's wife is a big fan of his Wolverine look: "She loves it. When we met, I was in a prison drama, I had long hair, a mullet, a lot of muscles and tattoos, I was seriously pumped-up. She likes me when I'm in the Wolverine mode, the bad boy, you know? She loves me putting the leather jacket on, getting on the motorbike…"[Mirror]
• Zachary Quinto had a hard time getting used to the Vulcan salute. "‘In some scenes he has to do the salute while speaking his lines so they ended up using skin-protective superglue, like they use in hospitals, to stick his fingers together," says a source, "It was the only way they could make it work."[DailyMail]
• Christian Bale says he's speaking out about his infamous rant in order to draw attention away from himself and back to Terminator: Salvation. "You think about the numbers of days we shot on that movie - 77 days - everything going well. What's being focused on is four minutes where I behaved bad," Bale says, "I didn't want that to overshadow the hard work of everybody on the crew, in every aspect. So I felt like I had to say something." [DailyExpress]
• Blind Item: "Which fashion designer was caught doing a Winona at the London Marc Jacobs store? She had to be called up and ordered to return the stock to keep it all hush-hush." [BlindGossip]
• "I didn't have a teenage or early-20s experience that was free and without worry. I missed the screw-everything, have-a-good-time phase. I was worried that if I didn't stay on track and work, work, work, I was never going to accomplish anything. Now I'm trying to have fun and have the freedom to do nothing."-Sandra Bullock [JustJared]
• Heidi Klum and Seal renewed their wedding vows yesterday to celebrate their fourth anniversary. [RadarOnline]
• Even though her application to adopt Mercy James was denied, Madonna is still setting up a trust fund for the girl, in order to fund her education. "Madonna loves Mercy," says a source, "She wants to be part of her life and provide for her. She wants to make sure Mercy has everything she needs in life and her dreams are fulfilled." [ShowbizSpy]
• Liv Tyler says she's "stopped buying fashion magazines. I mean, it's such fun, but I don't want to be influenced by everyone else about what's cool or not cool; I want to be who I want to be." [TimesOnline]

[Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

[Beverly Hills, April 24. Image via Getty.]

• Lindsay Lohan won't be in court today to respond to a warrant for her arrest, but her lawyer will be there. The attorney claims it's all a misunderstanding, to which we say: Sure, sure. [AP]

• Lindsay Lohan's dad is "concerned" for his daughter: "I've said it before and I'll say it again — she has to be careful of the people around her. I worry about any of those negative elements in her life." Is one of those negative elements you, sir? [Extra]
• Lindsay Lohan's warrant seems to be due to her missing or being late to one of her alcohol education classes, which she must take as part of her probation. LL blames the paparazzi for making it impossible to show up on time. [TMZ]
• Six women were injured and three people were arrested and charged with inciting a riot at the America's Next Top Model stampede on Saturday. [NY Post]
• Lily Allen has filed charges against photographers who allegedly rear-ended her car; this comes after she punched one of the dudes. [E!]
• Here are pictures of Mel Gibson "frolicking in the surf" in Costa Rica with a woman who is not his wife. [Daily Mail, RadarOnline]
• Jennifer Aniston is telling friends she dumped John Mayer after he "went cold" after the Oscars. Sound like he did the passive-aggressive breakup thing. [The Sun]
• Rihanna may star in a remake of the Whitney Houston/Kevin Costner flick The Bodyguard? Why, Hollywood, why? [Gatecrasher]
• This is interesting: The Rihanna/Chris Brown duet was just an old demo. "Nothing has been recorded by Chris and Rihanna since February," says an unnamed source. [NY Daily News]
• Twilight's Robert Pattinson was overheard telling a fellow Brit, "I can't get laid [in N.Y.C.]" Sparkly vampires are so last year. [Gatecrasher]
• Pattinson had to "do all this naked stuff" for a man-on-man sex scene for his new Dali movie. He admits: "In a lot of ways, I was kind of crossing lines of what I thought I was comfortable doing." [Mirror]
• Drew Barrymore and Justin Long were seen making out at a bar in Hollywood one night, and laughing and smiling while eating sushi the next. That is not a euphemism. They're back on! [Just Jared]
• The first of Nadya Suleman's octuplets could be home tomorrow. [People]
• Ryan Reynolds says it took months and months to prepare for his role in Wolverine: "When you think about it like that, it's vaguely depressing," he says. "But when you actually do it, it's worth it when you see on the screen that's me and it's not a stunt person, and I'm doing the whole thing." [LA Times]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's trainer, Tracy Anderson, is having trouble getting people to join her gym. Maybe because membership is $4,500 a month? [Perez]
• Tracy Anderson says of her pupils, "Madonna never slacks off. She's like a gym nerd. Gwyneth is cheekier than Madonna, that's for sure. Some days she'll be like, 'Do I have to do cardio?'" [Mirror]
• This report claims Madonna works out so hard and and gets regular glyco peels on her face because she wants to look like her daughter. Yeah, right. [Daily Express]
• Speaking of Madonna, her new man, Jesus Luz, is moving in. [Mirror]
• And! He is macrobiotic now, thanks to her Madgesty. [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile, clashing schedules mean Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin won't see each other for weeks. Alert the media! [Daily Mail]
• Is there a cash prize on Dancing With The Stars? Because Lil' Kim owes $1 million in state and federal taxes, ouch. [UPI]
• Check out this profile of Paul Rudd, in which he says: "I went through a phase where I thought it was really funny to make pratfalls in very crowded places. And I jumped out of a moving car once for a laugh. That was a mistake." [NY Times]
• The promoter behind Michael Jackson's upcoming concerts says "He's 50 but he's going to dance his ass off." Also: "If Mike gets too nervous to go on, I'll throw him over my shoulder and carry him on stage. He's light enough." [Telegraph]
• There's already a Michael Jackson ticket-scalping scandal. [WSJ]
• And! Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch is about to be sold. [Fox 411]
• "Rob Lowe has been carpeted by bosses for being too orange." [The Sun]
• Robin Thicke will be touring with Jennifer Hudson and says that the tour will be "cathartic" for her. "I think it's going to be the perfect thing for her to do, to get out there and get outside her head and feel the love she's been getting. She's a special lady." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Gossip Girl's Jessica Szohr dropped by the set just to say hi to her boyf, Ed Westwick. [Gatecrasher]
• Kristen Stewart's gushing about the new Twilight movie: "To see them cope without each other and to see this character Jacob, who is supposed to represent light and warmth and he pulls her out of a rut that's like seemingly impossible — it's really tragic. Like, I can't wait to see Taylor's [Lautner] face when I tell him, 'It's him, it's always been him,'" she says. [LA Times]
• Keira Knightley will not be in the next Pirates Of The Caribbean flick, saying: "It was a completely fantastic experience, and it was an amazingly large portion of my life, but I don't think I need to go there again. I think that it's done." So who will be the leading lady in the film? We need to know, since Russell Brand may be playing Johnny Depp's brother! [Mirror]
• This profile of Kat Von D has a quote from a 12-year-old fan, who says: "I like how she says her tattoos are everything she's been through." [WaPo]
• Whoa, Rhys Ifans looks totally different and dare we say hot in these pictures. When he was dating Sienna Miller he looked like a vagrant. [Daily Mail]
• Rumors about Liz Hurley's marriage continue to circle; today it's that she is "more like a boss than a wife." Wait, is that bad? [Daily Mail]
• Liz Hurley's mother-in-law denies the rumors that Liz and her husband have broken up: "This is just gossip. That's all I can say. I don't like commenting on family matters in public." [Telegraph]
• Charlie Sheen's wife had twins Saturday night; the first kids for her and Charlie's fourth and fifth. [Star]
• Heather Mills bought a seafood restaurant in Hove, East Sussex, and plants on making it vegan. [Daily Mail]
• MC Hammer is being sued for not delivering a book on fatherhood to his publisher. Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em. [Mirror]
• What's cooking with Gordon Ramsay? He has been taken to court over unpaid debts three times in a month. [Daily Mail]
• British reality star Jade Goody is "near death." Do you get the feeling the papers are circling like vultures? [NY Times]
• Aww, the movie industry nursing home is closing by the end of the year. [UPI]
• R.I.P. Ron Silver, whom you may have known as Bruno Gianelli on The West Wing. [NY Post]
• Blind item! "Which songbird's hard-up husband is having a hard time paying off her $500,000 engagement ring? He tried to stiff the jeweler and when finally threatened with a lawsuit, said he'd pay - on an installment plan." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rehabbed starlet's wallet turned up in the Financial District, with her driver's license, black American Express card and several bags of blow?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Nine months ago at the conception I pulled all my best moves - I used new style. Apparently it's all about temperature so the windows were open. We'll see what happens." — Jamie Oliver, who is hoping his unborn child will be a boy. [The Sun]
• "I don't think there was one dinner that I ever cooked my kids that wasn't burnt because I was always on the phone, because teatime came when America was buzzing. When it was noon in New York, it would be 5pm at home in England, and the phone would be going nuts. You know, they go on about women juggling, well, my theory is that something always has to give, and, in my case, it was my kids." — Sharon Osbourne. [Daily Mail]
• "I find that word so unconstrained and unsophisticated. I don't know if you are referring to The Sun newspaper's Shagger Of The Year title, which I've been awarded three consecutive times now. It ranks among my finest achievements along with my British comedy awards and other accolades. I continue to live as a single man might but I certainly don't do anything as vulgar as shagging." — Russell Brand, on being called a champion shagger. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "Children are so cute and talkative when you get them out of bed, vulnerable blabbermouths, but when they get older they talk less. As the days fly past, it's only going to be a few more years that he likes me. Maybe he'll always love me, but he might not always want to be around me – he might not always like me. He's borderline embarrassed by me already, so…" — Sarah Jessica Parker, on spending time helping her son get dressed in the morning. [Daily Mail]
• "Finding someone that you like, or who likes you, is always difficult at my age. But being famous complicates things much more. I suppose that some boys feel a bit intimidated by me and stay on their guard." — Emma Watson, who is about to turn 19. [Telegraph]
• "My teeth are capped and I had the fat removed from under my chin. That's basically why I have the goatee because it covers the scar. And my nose was straightened. Then they took the heaviness out of my eyelids. Thank God the plastic surgeon said you've got to be careful, you've still got to look like you. But I've stopped dying my hair, that's it now. I never did it before because it would have been a salt-and-pepper look, which wasn't good. But the older I've got, the whiter my hair has got and I like it." — Tom Jones. [Mirror]
• "I never watch my [movies]. I make an album and then maybe 10 years later, I hear a thing or two. If I walk into somebody's house or a department store, I always say, 'Can you please turn that off?' Because I spend so much time on it, before it's released, that once it's released it's on its own. I really don't want to listen to it." — Barbra Streisand. (Yentl is now on DVD!) [Newsweek]
• "I want to very badly. But I want to get it right. We are definitely on band practice. There are a lot of performances in the movie." — Kristen Stewart, on singing while playing Joan Jett in new movie Runaways. [LA Times]
• "How this IVF rumor started, I really, really have no idea. But I can tell you that it is definitely not happening in the near future…It's great that Ellen and I are a gay couple and people are open-minded enough to talk about us having a family. The only thing I'm trying to avoid by denying it is, I just don't want those horrible pictures in magazines where they circle your stomach and point and go 'baby bump!' " — Portia de Rossi. [LA Times]
• "I went to a pitch meeting for a show last year and the guy in the office asked me why is it that people do drag? And I said why is it that more people don't do drag? What in our culture keeps us from dressing up and using all the colors in the creative box? The answer to that question is we grow up in a fear culture that says blacks go there, and Jews go there, and it's really interesting that we inflict these margins and parameters on our lives. I have to credit drag with helping me tear down a lot of those walls. Once you tear down one wall its like, you know what, we could have a really great room if we tore down all of these." — RuPaul. [The Daily Beast]
• "Bad behaviour makes men more glamorous. Women get destroyed, thrown out of society and locked up in institutions. My mother had me locked up in an insane asylum the first time I told her I was doing drugs. A really heavy place. Mick [Jagger] came and got me out." — Marianne Faithfull. [Telegraph]

• Angelina Jolie started working on Salt yesterday, and her character, rogue CIA operative Evelyn A. Salt, has a couple of different looks:

So far we're seeing raven-haired and blonde. Oh, and here's an interesting quote from producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura, about reworking the script originally intended for Tom Cruise: "I had no idea how complex it would be," he says. "We had to rethink the whole notion of how a man vs. a woman operates in the business world, in personal relationship and in friendships." This should be interesting. [USA Today]

• Well, this just isn't nice: After reports came out that Guy Ritchie calls Madonna "It," Madge has been sent 100 copies of the horror movie Stephen King's It. "She's received the packages at all of her addresses so she suspects they are from somebody she knows. And she is furious," a source claims. [News.com.au]
• Krishna Siqueira is the ex-gf of Madonna's new "friend," Jesus Luz. She says: "He is a wonderful person. We were dating and then the magazine shoot came up. Then came the story that he was with her [Madonna]. We took some time out because we imagined he was going away to live and could not continue long-distance dating." Krishna says Jesus is not with Madonna for the publicity: "He's not that kind of person." [Daily Mail]
• Rihanna's family: Apparently not happy about her reconciliation with Chris Brown. "Everyone wants them to take a break, to cool off," a relative of Rihanna tells People. "No one wants them back together." The couple has left Miami and is now in L.A. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan's New York apartment, which she never actually slept in, is for sale. You get two bedrooms, two bathrooms, floor-to-ceiling windows, and an unobstructed view of the Statue of Liberty for the low, low price of $1,200,000. Any takers? [Gothamist]
• Oh, Christ. Lindsay Lohan's crazy ass father has started contacting Lily Allen. Lily says: "I got a Twitter from her dad saying 'Dear Lily, I think you have an alcohol problem that needs addressing. From Michael Lohan.' I was, like, leave me alone." This is not good. [The Sun]
• What's this? Michael Lohan had lunch with Courtenay Semel? A spy says it was superserious: "There was no laughing and no smiling." What could they have been talking about??? [E!]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of 14, says her original six kids are already jealous of the octuplets. When a friend showed the kids a picture of their new siblings, "they hit the picture," Suleman says. Oh, and by the way, she has a new house: "It's safe. It's about 2,800 square feet, four bedrooms. I don't want anyone to know where we are. I have trust issues. I know there are a lot of emotionally disturbed people." [MSNBC Scoop]
• George Clooney texted ex Lisa Snowdon and it made the paper. [Daily Express]
• WTF. Lauren Conrad has a novel?!?! The tome, L.A. Candy, is about Jane, a girl who moves to L.A. and unexpectedly becomes the star of a reality television show. Shocking. [People]
• Britney's family is excited for her tour, which will include a three-ring circus setup and magic tricks. Are they the only ones? [People]
• Wait: Madonna might join Britney on stage. That would be good. [Gatecrasher]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Mariah Carey is not pregnant. Her "baby" is her dog, Jack, and he may be getting his own reality show. Barf. No, wait: Arf. [Fox 411]
• Amy Winehouse has moved out of Camden to a gated house in the suburbs. Though she seems to be planning a "massive Camden pub crawl." [Daily Mail]
• Sharon Osbourne has been sued by the woman whose hair she grabbed on Rock of Love: Charm School. The charges? Battery, negligence and infliction of emotional distress. Seems like the emotional distress part is from just being on a reality show, no? [TMZ]
• Did you catch Jimmy Fallon's first show last night? Apparently Robert DeNiro, who rarely does talk shows, was pretty funny. [Fox 411]
• Mickey Rourke danced with a bathroom attendant. [Gatecrasher]
• Whee! Ashley Jensen, aka Christina, will return to Ugly Betty. She announced she was leaving in January, but now says: "It's time I challenged myself professionally. They haven't killed by character off, so I'll be back at some point." Her Scottish brogue would be sorely missed. [The Sun]
• Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester is inside the new issue of In Style and in this photo, she looks hungover and strung out. [Just Jared]
• Matthew McConaughey is officially in the record business! He's producing a Bermudian roots-reggae artist, naturally. McConaughey says of Mishka: "My one-liner to him is ‘Look, man, I think your music needs to be heard by more ears than it has. I've heard it. I love it. Anybody I've ever turned on to your music ends up loving it.'" Then he put the bong down. [Rolling Stone]
• Danny Boyle may helm the next Bond flick. Upgrade? [The Sun]
• ABC TV series Life On Mars has been canceled. [Variety]
• Uh-oh: The food may have been spoiled at Elton John's Oscar party; some guests ended up "vomiting for days." [Page Six]
• Angela Bassett will make her directorial debut with United States, an indie feature in which a prominent black literary figure writes a faux autobiography from the perspective of a barely literate hoodlum to decry what is wrong with the glorification of "ghetto" culture… and the book is a hit. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Natalie Imbruglia is not, repeat, not dating Prince Harry. She says: "He was just at my birthday party. That was it. I met him for about two seconds." [Daily Express]
• Sienna Miller is trying to charm people in the film industry in L.A. after being shunned over her affair with Balthazar Getty. Good luck! [Daily Express]
• John Travolta and Kelly Preston have written a letter to Lady Lake, FL, thanking the town for its support after their son Jett died. [UPI]
• Someone broke the windows in Jay Kay from Jamiroquai's Ferrari, but it's hard to care. [Daily Mail]
• Check out this Ricky Gervais meltdown, in which he is not pulling a "Christian Bale," even if that is the headline. [LA Times]
• You know how Bruce Willis is being sued for "walking off the set" of a flick he was supposed to direct? He's calling the suit "frivolous and without merit." [E!]
• The Flaming Lips track, "Do You Realize," is now Oklahoma's official rock song. [AP]
• Spinal Tap: Live! The "Unwigged and Unplugged" tour starts April 17 in Vancouver. [AP]
• Simply Red's plane was forced to make an emergency landing en route from Buenos Aires to Brazil, but everyone is okay. Holding back the years tears! [Reuters]
• If you're living on a prayer, get psyched for the Bon Jovi book which comes out in the fall — an "insider portrait" with previously unpublished photographs and text by the band members. [AP]
• Blind item! "Which sexy NYC-based celeb's pickup line needs a little improvement? 'Have we met?' he asks. 'Have we had sex? No? Do you want to?'" [Gatecrasher]
• Bad news: Fred Durst is making a comeback. [Page Six]
• Jim Carrey's daughter Jane has a band called the Jane Carrey band. [The Life Files]
• Legal troubles for Sean Connery: Did he profit from a loan to a former friend? [Daily Mail]
• "Because this album is so sonically different than anything I've done before and captures many flavors of my emotional life and voice, it needed an entirely new name. 'Terra Incognita' means unknown territory — and that's where I wanted to go musically. The guitars are more wild and atmospheric. The groove is dark and deep and allow for a lot of sonic contrasts. It took me five years to really cut my teeth both as a performer and as a songwriter and I wanted to break all the habits I'd gotten used to and let songs develop out of a groove or simple piano notes and melody." — Juliette Lewis, on her new album with her new band, the New Romantiques, who are replacing her former band, The Licks. [NME]
• "I think that criticism is a good thing because it teaches you to (ask) some questions." — Juliette Binoche, on her new dance performance, which the Times of London called "intermittently excruciating." [Breitbart]
• "I'm coping mostly and I'm mostly clean, I won't lie to you it is a struggle. My dad and I are estranged. In his mind if I'm still ­using in any way then I'm not his son. But my mum speaks to me ­secretly. I try and wrap myself up enough so that it doesn't get to me and I don't feel anything but really of course it gets to me. I love the man and I grew up kind of idolising him. It's breaking my heart that for him the be-all and end-all of our relationship is whether or not there's something despicable in my bloodstream. I'd love to just go to football with him like we used to or just go for a drink and be a son and him a father." — Pete Doherty. [Daily Express]

• Updates on the Chris Brown and Rihanna incident:

He is holed up in a Hollywood hotel; she is perhaps more seriously injured that originally reported — she has bite marks on her skin. She's supposed to be playing Malaysia on Friday but may cancel and head to Barbados, where she was raised. [E!, USA Today]

• Rihanna is now out of the hospital and has postponed her concert in Malaysia. Also, the charges filed against Chris Brown — suspicion of making criminal threats — means the victim "is in fear for [his/her] life." [Yahoo News via E!]
• This report claims Rihanna suffered tow "huge contusions" on her forehead as well as a bloody lip and nose. [TMZ]
• A cop called the injuries "horrific." [NY Daily News]
• Oh no: Is it true that Rihanna will not file criminal charges against Chris Brown and is no longer assisting investigators? [Media Take Out]
• No, this report says she is cooperating with the LAPD. [UPI]
• When Chris Brown was on Tyra, he talked about his abusive stepfather and said, "I would never hurt a woman." [Perez]
• Chris Brown has pulled out of his scheduled appearance at Sunday's NBA All-Star Game. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Chris Brown's career may be over, since he was known for a squeaky-clean image. [AP]
• The LA Times is defending it decision to out Rihanna as the victim of Chris Brown's domestic violence case. A reporter explains: "The Times has a blanket policy when it comes to not naming victims of sexual assault. There isn't a set policy when it comes to physical assault or a criminal threat. In that case, there's a decision internally and on a case-by-case basis of whether to name somebody. In this case, obviously there was a discussion among the editors about this. The nature of this case - against the backdrop of the Grammy's, the delay in changing things, the explanations put out by both camps - the decision was made that this was fair game." [E&P]
• Wow. Britney Spears has rehired her former assistant, Felicia Culotta, who was with Britney for years and is a true friend. Good news. [Perez Hilton]
• Before the Baftas, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie didn't have dinner at one of London's "posh" restaurants but chose a 40-seat "local curry house" instead. Claudia Schiffer and Robert Downey Jr. were also there, and the group ate vegetable samosas, tandoori lamb chops and the house special, lamb passanda. [Telegraph]
• When Brad and Angie got home the kids were "running up and down the hallway" at the hotel and guests had complained about the noise. How much do you want to bet Maddox was the instigator? [The Sun]
• Tomorrow is the big day: Jennifer Aniston turns 40! [NY Daily News]
• Miley Cyrus has issued a real apology for that racially insensitive picture in which she was seen slanting her eyes. Unlike last time, she uses the word "sorry." [Perez]
• Lily Allen is in the U.S. to promote her album! She'll do Today, The Tonight Show and visit with Oprah and Ellen. Will she show off her third nipple? [Mirror]
• Why won't Gwyneth Paltrow walk the red carpet with Chris Martin or have their pictures taken as a couple? "It's cheesy," she says. "I mean, who wants to live like that?" [Fox 411]
• After the Grammys, Chris Martin stayed out partying and Gwyneth was nowhere to be found. [NY Daily News]
• Ben Affleck wants a son he can dress in Red Sox gear. [Mirror]
• Is Guy Ritchie moving to New York to be closer to his kids? [Mirror]
• Christian Bale's sister Sharon has heard the audio of his rant on the set of Terminator and says: "He seems to be incredibly stressed and angry at the moment. I think he might need help." She's reminded of last summer's incident in a London hotel, when Bale "attacked" her and their mother. "He verbally attacked us," Sharon claims. "He spoke in the same aggressive way he did to that lighting engineer. I wouldn't have minded so much but it was in front of my family and three children." [National Enquirer via Telegraph]
• Hmm, seems like Cate Blanchett will play Maid Marian in Ridley Scott's Robin Hood movie — the role Sienna Miller was "too young" for. Not-exactly-nimble Russell Crowe is the leading man. [Variety]
• Heath Ledger fans would like to see the character of The Joker retire from film, so that Ledger's portrayal is the final word. One fan explains: "We think this psycho in scarred whiteface is the best ever. No one can improve it. So please, Hollywood, use other enemies in the sequels to come." [Wired]
• Apparently Paris Hilton told Paul McCartney she'd love to do a duet with him. She also said of his hair: "It's just like in The Beatles. It's so cute." She must be stopped. Why does she even get invited places? [The Sun]
• Mickey Rourke tried to hook up with an actress named Abi Titmuss after the Baftas; she had to tell him: "No, I won't be sleeping with you tonight, Mickey." Also: Rourke took a sleeping pill before the awards to "calm his nerves" and was seen staggering around with a champagne bottle. [The Sun]
• Mickey Rourke's speech at the Baftas: "Salty." He said: "Thank you to BAFTA, to Optimum Pictures, to Fox Searchlight, to [director] Darren Aronofsky, who gave me a second chance after I fucked up my career for 15 years... I want to thank my agent, who put his career in jeopardy by representing me several years ago, David Unger... I want to thank my publicist, Paula Woods, for having the hardest job in show business — telling me where to go, what to do, when to do it, what to eat, what to dress, what to fuck… Oh God, it's such a pleasure to be here and be back out of the darkness." [UPI]
• For his flick The International, Clive Owen had to run through a busy market in Istanbul with a gun in his hand because they couldn't get permission to shut the market down. He says: "I had a security guy very close to me but some of the reactions were pretty shocking. People would see the gun and just laugh. If it was New York or London I'd be put up against the wall if I was running through the streets with a gun - no matter who I was." The Turkish were unfazed. [Daily Express]
• Fatherhood is Clive Owen's favorite role right now, you guys. Read about how his daughters are obsessed with Friends. [USA Today]
• Speaking of Clive, he stars with Julia Roberts in Duplicity, and this article is about her return to the screen as a leading lady. [NY Times]
• Kylie Minogue, her sister Dannii and Natalie Imbrugllia will host a benefit show in London for the victims of the Australian bush fires. [This Is London]
• Fore! Samuel L. Jackson has signed on to narrate a documentary about African-American pioneers in golf. [Daily Express]
• Congrats to Kelis, who is pregnant; her husband, rapper Nas, is the father. [Mirror]
• DMX is in jail but has threatened to fight the guards, saying he would "assault somebody to get some respect." He also announced: "Y'all gonna make me lose my mind up in here." [TMZ]
• ABC will film Siegfried & Roy's final farewell performance for a special edition of 20/20. We have a feeling the "one-night, one-time illusion" will probably involve them disappearing. [UPI]
• Oh dear: the original cop is suing the Village People. Insert "Macho Man" joke here. [AP]
• Bob Marley's face on clothes, food and video games? [WSJ]
• Blind item! "Which beauty's marriage dissolved when she was caught having an affair with a man Down Under? Her husband wasn't bothered that she was pregnant with the other man's child - just that she was indiscreet." [Gatecrasher]
• "It stinks! Those boys are slovenly and have garbage and clothes everywhere. You'd think they were living in a frat house!" — An insider on the home of Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick. [NY Daily News]
• "If I waited too long, it's because we were supposed to do other things. If it is just too late? There are millions of children on this planet that I would be honored to call my own." — Sandra Bullock on being 44 and not having had a biological child. [People via InStyle]
• "[Kim's] the first girl that's ever cooked a meal for me. That's honestly how she got me - with the food! She cooked one of my favorite meals, cornbread, macaroni and cheese, candy yams and fried chicken and it was ridiculously good. My boys were there and the first thing they said was, 'she's a keeper!'" — Reggie Bush on Kim Kardashian's skills. [MSNBC via OK!]
• "I've been very lucky in the last few years, haven't I? I'm where I want to be, really, in terms of the opportunities I'm getting and the people I'm working with. If it keeps going like it is and I keep working with the caliber of people I've been working with, I'm just thankful." — Clive Owen. [USA Today]
• "My breasts, my face, liposuction, a tummy tuck, a leg lift. I've had everything you can think of except for my eyes and lips. I wouldn't touch them" — Sharon Osbourne on her plastic surgery to Ladies' Home Journal. [Page Six]
• "I have 10 songs, and three of them I think are really good. The others are pretty crap, but we're working on them." — Joaquin Phoenix, on his rap career. [MSNBC]
• "I love the storytelling aspects of hip-hop, but I love the wordplay, as well. I just think the rhyming is fantastic, and I love, like, the raw emotion of it." — Joaquin Phoenix. [AP]
• "I didn't actually lose it. But nobody knows where it is at the moment." — Angelina Jolie on her Oscar, which she gave to her mother; her mom died in 2007. [Variety]
• "I think you're born an artist. It's like being gay. You're born gay, and then you discover that's who you are over a period of time in a world where maybe being gay is not the normal thing. Then you look it in the eye and you say thank you, and you put it in your heart and you lock it up and you go. When you're 12 years old and making clothes with plastic flowers attached to them, and trying to choreograph shows at your school that are entirely too sexy — you start to be like, Okay, this is my aesthetic. My aesthetic is in so many ways exactly the same as it was when I was younger, I'm just smarter. And I know how to execute the ideas. And I have a bigger budget." — Lady GaGa. [EW]
• "I just don't feel that it's all that sexy. It's weird. And uncomfortable. I look at photos of myself, and I look like such a tranny! It's amazing! I look like Grace Jones, androgynous, robo, future fashion queen. It's not what is sexy. It's graphic, and it's art. But that's what's funny: Well, yeah, I take my pants off, but does it matter if your pants are off if you've got eight-inch shoulder pads on, and a hood, and black lipstick and glasses with rocks on them? I don't know. That's sexy to me. But I don't really think anybody's dick is hard, looking at that. I think they're just confused, and maybe a little scared. It's more Manson to me than it is sexy." — Lady GaGa. Click for more amazing quotes! [EW]

What we saw on TV (and in the clip above) is vilified contestant Megan, wasted and wearing a string bikini with heels, saying something about Ozzy Osbourne that gets bleeped out, then Sharon pics up her drink, and dumps it on Megan. Jerry Springer-style quick editing shows security guards rush in and break it up, then the crowd cheers for Sharon, while all the other Charm School contestants rush the stage to gleefully congratulate Sharon.

What really happened is that Megan was indeed trashed, and after Sharon told her she should get spayed, Megan says something to the effect of, "As a celebrity manager, all you've managed to do is watch your husband's brain turn into a vegetable" or maybe she said "mush." But it was something along those lines. She definitely hit a nerve. But instead of a witty comeback, or rising above it, or having Megan thrown off stage, Sharon decided to dump a drink on her, and then repeatedly punched her, refusing to let go of her hair as security tried to pry them apart. (This was all bleeped and edited because of "legal reasons," which we've roughly translated into "Sharon doesn't want to appear to be the asshole that she is.") The irony is that the whole fight started because Sharon was mad that Megan didn't take the "lessons" of the show seriously, and she didn't learn anything about how to behave properly.

It's all a bunch of bullshit, and while I don't think that the VH1 reality universe is a particularly realistic or responsible one, I do think that it's disgusting for an audience to cheer on a grown woman as she wails on a drunken young woman in a bikini, who later was sent to the hospital for her injuries. It's disgusting to continue to pretend that Sharon is supposed to be a role model for these women, and that she's somehow better than they are. It's also disgusting that the other contestants rushed the stage during the fight, as though this was about someone getting their comeuppance, rather than it being about sour grapes because they're all pissed off that Megan got a deal to have a her own show on VH1.

Perhaps Rodeo hit the nail on the head — after she sat down on the couch to discuss her invention of waterproof jeans — when she said, "You know, Megan has never taken her show seriously. And I have. Every show I've ever been on with Rock of Love, I Love Money and Charm School, I take it very seriously."

• Whoa: Recent quotes about Scarlett Johansson's marriage to Ryan Reynolds were "wholly fabricated": The actress "has at no point granted U.K. Cosmopolitan an interview, and never discussed her personal relationships with the publication." [E!]

• Nicole Kidman dared to blow into a didgeridoo on German TV and now Aboriginal leaders are upset and Nicole might be unable to ever bear children again! [Sydney Morning Herald]
• It's a good thing Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are back together; her camp was "shopping" for dates so she wouldn't have to be single during her Marley & Me publicity blitz. [Page Six]
• Did Sharon Osbourne get in a "catfight" with a Rock of Love: Charm School contestant? Megan Hauserman claims Sharon "went ballistic," pulled her hair and scratched her during the filming of the reunion special. Don't mess with Mrs. Osbourne! [The Sun]
• Mad Men's Christina Hendricks: Engaged! [People]
• Lovely: Amy Winehouse's husband, Blake Incarcerated, was offered £5,000 to find a hitman to kill Amy's drug dealer. Just another day in Fielder-Civil world! [News Of The World]
• Who will accept the Golden Globe if Heath Ledger wins? His father, Kim? Michelle Williams — on behalf of Matilda? Director Chris Nolan? Christian Bale? [Rush & Molloy]
• American Idol will be completely revamped when it comes back in January: Expect fewer bad singers and more "aspirational" singers. Oh, and that fourth judge. [People, USA Today]
• Jay-Z buying office furniture counts as "gossip" ? [Page Six]
• Did a gift trigger the Jennifer Hudson family murders? When Jennifer's sister Julia turned 31, William Balfour stopped by and spotted a present he believed was from another man. [People]
• Jennifer Hudson canceled her video shoot right after she announced she was ready to go back to work. [The Sun]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham once said that her belly was flabby. "Now everyone thinks I have a stomach like a Shar-Pei dog when I don't," she says. Dear Posh, no one thinks that. [Mirror]
• Three years ago, Simon Cowell told Esquire magazine that he found Beyoncé "mystifying" and "not sexy"; apparently he recently had to apologize so she would appear on his X Factor show. See Simon grovel. [Daily Express]
• Holy crap. Michael Jackson's outfit is something yours truly has worn. Except for the face mask. And the hat. And the clogs. [Concrete Loop]
• Gossip Girl gossip! Leighton Meester is engaged, according to her "secret" Facebook page. Beau Sebastian Stan is the lucky man. [Page Six]
• "I just love her music, and she’s so real. I picked out [my outfit] two nights ago." — one of the many tweens who love Miley Cyrus. [WWD]
• Will Smith is not always up-to-date: "I sat there with my children and my 16-year-old son couldn't understand how I didn't know [the election] was over already. He was like 'You're out of touch.'" [AP]
• Speaking of Will Smith: A Hancock sequel and a I Am Legend prequel in the works? [Page Six]
• A snippet of this Robert Pattinson interview: "Before I have to go out to face a crowd, I stare and stare at myself in the mirror until I have to tell myself to stop staring, since there’s nothing I can do." Because of the expectations? "Yes." [Times Of London]
• Peaches Geldof hired her ex-boyfriend to work on her magazine and her husband is pissed. [Mirror]
• Hilary Duff and Mandy Moore were forced to use the front entrance at a party instead of the paparazzi-free back door, boo hoo. [Page Six]
• An Australian woman says she hooked up with Gordon Ramsay; Ramsay says "I've never even heard of her." [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which actor who played a cheating husband on TV has been cheating on his wife in real life? At an annual charity golf tournament on Long Island last summer, he spotted an attractive beautician, got her number, and found out she was willing." [Page Six]
• Aretha Franklin missed an award presentation but showed up for the benefit concert portion of a show for the Soldiers', Sailors', Marines', Coast Guard and Airmen's Club. [AP]
• Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, is single and ready to mingle: "I'd love to have a boyfriend. It’s not that I’m looking but I think that if my heart is open, someone will walk in. Let’s hope someone does." [Daily Express]
• Now that she's broken up with Simon Cowell, Terri Seymour is renovating her L.A. mansion. Hmm, where is she getting the cash? [Daily Mail]
• Mischa Barton has got her hands on another rock dude; this time it's Luke Pritchard of the Kooks. [Mirror]
• Director Terry Gilliam has written an essay on Heath Ledger, who died halfway though Gilliam's film, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Gilliam writes: "In terms of his acting, it still rankles with me that he's dead because he would have been streets ahead of anyone else in his generation. He just kept getting better and better. He was fearless." [Guardian]
• Roger Avary, Oscar-winning screenwriter of Pulp Fiction, pleaded not guilty to vehicular manslaughter and driving under the influence of alcohol in a fatal crash from last January. [AP]
• Jerry Hall is "disgusted" with Rolling Stone rocker Ronnie Wood for leaving his wife Jo and running off with a 20-year-old Russian cocktail waitress. When he came to visit, Jerry wouldn't answer the door. Burn! [Daily Mail]
• "I guess everyone's broke so times are tough for all. But while I don't care much for club spots anyway, it would've been fun with Tommy again. Still, now I can go snowboarding with my kids. So it's meant to be." — Pamela Anderson, who had a Las Vegas gig with Tommy Lee axed due to the crap economy. [Mirror]
• "I think it's really disgusting when a celebrity isn't doing something for charity. It feels so good, and it's so easy- - when you've got the money and you've got the exposure - to give something back." — Mel "Scary Spice" B. [Daily Mail]
• "When he died, there were all these nonsensical stories coming out about Heath Ledger, James Dean and River Phoenix, all destroyed by the system - but that's bullshit. What happened was an absurd accident. I still don't understand it. I know he was exhausted - the last thing he said was that he was so tired and just wanted to sleep. You actually think at certain times angels come down to earth and Heath might have been one of them. And then he's gone and you think: this is all wrong, all the other people should be dead. He should be leading us all into a wonderful world of adventure." — Terry Gilliam on Heath Ledger. [Guardian]

[Beverly Hills, September 8. Image via Flynet]

• Beyoncé and Jay-Z have taken out a marriage license! In Westchester, NY! They have up to 60 days to tie the knot. Where do you think they're registered? And what do you get the couple who has everything? [NY Post]
  
• Post-rehab Eva Mendes is "taking a break and having a good time" by exercising and being with her family. Bo-ring. [People]
  
• Jane Fonda has a new boyfriend, Lynden Gillis, who met her when he asked for her autograph at a book signing. They "met cute!" [Page Six]
  
• Um, we saw pictures on X17 of Lisa Rinna kissing a man who was not her husband Harry Hamlin. She was clad in a bathrobe and drinking wine. The pix were taken yesterday in Malibu. More info to come!
  
• Heather Mills: Vowing to break up Paul McCartney's new romance? [Mirror]

• Drew Barrymore: Seen photographing Bunnies at the Playboy Mansion. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which lead actor in a hit ensemble TV show brags that a female conquest isn't complete unless at least one of his hotel room neighbors calls security about the noise? " [Gatecrasher]
• Jamie Lynn Spears is planning her wedding! It will take place at Serenity, the Kentwood, LA home Britney bought for the fam, and Brit will probs be a bridesmaid. Can't wait! [MSNBC]
• Dita Von Teese starred in a "kinky lesbian movie" years ago, but clips are just now showing up online. Someone send a link please? (For a friend.) [The Sun]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie sleep with electronic devices: "We lie right next to each other with our BlackBerrys under our pillows. It's not unromantic, it's practical." [The Sun]
• Madonna will be in Malawi next week for a final court ruling on whether she can adopt David Banda. There are an estimated 1 million orphans in the country, so her chances look good. [Reuters]
• Oh, and Madonna thinks of the UK as her home. "My kids are at school there, my horses are there. And I love the weather. All that rain and moisture are good for the skin." [Mirror]
• Sharon Osbourne says of daughter Kelly's friends: "I don't approve of them." Could she be talking about Ms. Amy Winehouse? [Mirror]
• Tracey Edmonds, who "got married" to Eddie Murphy on a tropical island in January only to break up with him 2 weeks later, is now dating TV chef Rocco DiSpirito. Good luck! [Concrete Loop]
• The Village Voice's Michael Musto continues to ask: Ellen Page a lesbian? [Village Voice]
• Velvet Revolver no longer has Scott Weiland as its lead singer. "his increasingly erratic onstage behavior and personal problems have forced us to move on." But he's so so hot! [Rolling Stone]
• Celine Dion's Beijing show is canceled because organizers didn't get the proper permits. China, what's up with you lately? [Reuters]
• That Valkyrie movie, in which Tom Cruise plays a Nazi with an American accent, might just be sucktastic. Is Tom getting desperate for a career comeback? [LA Times]
• Jimmy Kimmel says after he shot the video for "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck," "I brought Ben back to my house to watch Lost, and I ended up spooning with him." [Rush & Molloy]
• Robin Williams' wife filed for divorce last week — is it because Robin is dating an artist who is 29 years younger? [Rush & Molloy]
• If Avril Lavigne ran a celebrity tabloid, "I would make it completely positive," she says. "There's so much negativity right now. I'd pick up the big stories, but they'd have to be positive." [Rush & Molloy]
• American Idol contestant David Cook was rushed to the hospital last night with heart palpitations and high blood pressure. He's been stressed out because his brother has cancer. He was released but is being monitored. [TMZ]
• Also, Ryan Seacrest hurt is knee. Poor baby. [TMZ]
• Jay Leno apologized yesterday for prompting Ryan Phillippe to give the camera his "gayest look" on-air. (Phillippe replied,"Wow. That is so something I don't want to do.") GLAAD said Leno's "joke" was "demonstrating a lack of respect." [People]
• Tia Mowry of '90s show Sister, Sister is getting married in 3 weeks, and leaning on — you guessed it — her sister Tamera for help. [People]
• Oooh, a London-based version of The Hills? With brainier chicks? [E!]
• Rumer Willis will guest star on Miss Guided, the TV show produced by her stepdad, Ashton Kutcher. Now you can't say she's famous for nothing! [ET]

• Jessica Simpson has been hospitalized at Cedars Sinai for a minor kidney infection. Did she pick up something in Kuwait? Ow, ow, ow. [TMZ]
  
• Oh, she's already out of the hospital. And "doing fine." [The Sun]
  
• Amy Winehouse is moving — for the third time in four months — because her new flat has "demons." [The Sun]
  
• Despite what you may have heard, Johnny Depp will not be shilling for Magnum condoms. [Portƒolio]
  
• Denise Richards: "I'll never talk about weight around [my daughters]. And they'll never hear me say, 'Mommy's feeling fat today.' That kind of attitude just makes young girls grow up to be dissatisfied with their bodies." She will, however, include them in her new reality show! [People]
  
• Jennifer Aniston has formed a film company called Echo Films with producing partner Kristin Hahn. (Aniston was previously a partner in Brad Pitt's film company, Plan B.) [Variety]

• Meanwhile, Brad Pitt is producing a new film called Lost City Of Z, about a lost city in the Amazon. [Variety]
• Oh, Brad Pitt MIGHT be at the Kodak theater in Hollywood on Sunday for Idol Gives Back, the American Idol charity fundraising event. But will he be married? [E!]
• Director Pedro Almodovar says his inspiration is actress Deborah Kerr. [Telegraph]
• Adam Sandler: Broke his ankle playing basketball. [USA Today]
• Grammy Winning singer Nancy Wilson has been hospitalized with a collapsed lung. Be well! [USA Today]
• Dane Cook: Named unfunniest comic. Ha. [Page Six]
• Bruce Willis' girlfriend Emma Heming previously dated Sean "Diddy" Combs, Brent Bolthouse and John Stamos. Ain't sayin' she's a goldigger, but... [Page Six]
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus says she only ate egg whites on the day of the Emmy awards because she wanted to look thin. "I don't know why people thought that was so funny. I guess some people like to pretend they can eat like shit and look great in their dress." [Page Six]
• Stavros Niarchos: Seen leaving a NYC hotspot with three ladies. [Page Six]
• Ed Westwick, aka Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass, was seen playing with his band in a downtown NYC club and chugging drinks on stage. After his set, Ed stumbled out yelling "I'm so fucked up!" [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which small-screen actress has been texting and fawning over and otherwise smothering her '90s TV megastar boyfriend, just after her PR leaked the relationship to the press? At this rate, she might have to cast a new beau for next season." [Gatecrasher]
• Kelly Lynch is sending her Road House co-star Patrick Swayze best wishes. "If anyone can get through this, it's him," she says of his fight with pancreatic cancer. [People]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is not pregnant, she just wore a baby doll top. Leave her alone. [People]
• Rihanna says she and Chris Brown "are best friends, honestly, like brother and sister." That's cool, even though I never do this with my brother. [People]
• New Kids On The Block! On the Today show! April 4! Oh oh oh oh oh — hangin' tough! [People]
• A woman who has a restraining order against her and can't come within 500 feet of John Cusack was arrested Sunday near the actor's home in Malibu. Yikes! Stalker. [E!]
• Britney Spears is back with her former manager, Larry Rudolph, who had represented her her since she was a teen and was the one who urged her to go to rehab (after which she dropped him). Could be a step in the right direction. [ONTD]
• Meanwhile, Brit's dad is trying to keep here working since it's "therapeutic" for her. [MSNBC]
• Feuds over fashion on the set of the Sex And The City movie? You don't say. [Mirror]
• Sharon Osbourne, live, on TV at the Brit awards: Get on with it, you pisshead ... Shut up you're pissed. Piss off, you bastard. Piss off!" TV regulator Ofcom (kind of like the FCC) says her language was "acceptable." [Mirror]
• Newly-divorced Paul McCartney and his new girlfriend, Nancy Shevell (whom the UK paper calls a "millionairess") were seen "giggling and smooching" on a Caribbean beach yesterday. Love is all you need! [Mirror]
• Ray Romano: Returning to TV in a new one-hour comedic drama? [UPI]
• Daniel Craig has been named "Britain's Best Dressed Man" by the UK edition of GQ. But do we like him better fully clothed or, um, partially? [Reuters]

• Orlando Bloom and Jennifer Aniston spent the weekend together in Mexico. Let us repeat that: Orlando Bloom and Jennifer Aniston spent the weekend together in Mexico. Pictures later today. [ONTD]
  
• Also in WTF news? Bono is collaborating with the Spice Girls. [Mirror]
  
• Eva Longoria sex tape! We predict her makeup will look perfect. [The Sun]
  
• Pamela Anderson: Getting married? She and Rick Salomon obtained a marriage license in Las Vegas. It would be the third marriage for both. But would it be the last? [ET]
  
• The so-called "sultan of sleaze," David Hans Schmidt, who tried to extort $1 million from Tom Cruise for stolen wedding photos, was found dead in his home from an apparent suicide on Saturday. [Reuters]

• Posh brings people together! Months before his near-fatal heart attack, David Beckham's dad, Ted, had been back in touch with David, thanks to Victoria. They'd had a falling out in 2005 after Ted wrote a book about David without his permission. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which heir to a multinational fortune was checked into rehab for drugs and alcohol after his wife caught him cheating by reading his e-mails? His servants are smiling because he is cruel and mean to them." [Page Six]
• The producers of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency had the mini-bar removed from Janice's room in a Miami hotel after she racked up $900 in "incidentals." Surely this wouldn't happen if those little bottles of vodka were bigger! [Page Six]
• Actor Steve Guttenberg is writing a memoir, yawn. [Gatecrasher]
• Mary-Kate Olsen to random fan: "Christ saves all! I save all!" [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• Blind item! "Which former celebrity chef had a little drug freakout while on vacation this summer? He became convinced the adult film he was watching in his hotel was a live feed from another room, and stormed into the lobby demanding to be shown to the orgy." [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Someone doctored an article in an issue of J-14 magazine, spreading that false pregnancy rumor about 14-year-old Miley Cyrus, star of Hannah Montana. Kids today! [NY Times]
• Paris Hilton on her love of animals: "I don't wear fur, and animal testing, and things like that." Uh, okay. Also, Paris says when she was on David Letterman's show, she talked about her perfume, clothing line and new movie. [New York Magazine]
• But actually, Dave teased her incessantly about jail. [PopSugar]
• Sharon Osbourne's brother says his sister is working Ozzy Osbourne so hard he might die on stage. Gotta keep the cash rolling in! [The Sun]
• Speaking of Sharon Osbourne, Courtney Love denies that she gave Sharon's son Jack OxyContin at age 15, as Sharon claims. Courtney says, "I would never give drugs to a teenager. F—- you, Sharon!" Sharon responded by saying that Courtney is "a virus" and a "has-been." Ding ding ding! Round 3! [Rush & Molloy, 4th item]
• Nicole Kidman was denied a private box at a sold-out rugby game in Sydney, Austrailia. [News.com.au]
• Usher's knocked-up bride, Tamkea Foster, says she's glad she's gonna have a boy: "No girls for me. I hate girls!" [Rush & Molloy, 5th item]
• OMG yay! Kanye West has a blog! [TMZ]
• Have Joel Madden and Nicole Richie set a wedding date? Sources say October 13 is the big day. [TMZ]

• OMG. This is amazing. Sex-tape star Kim Kardashian was seen "making out" with Terrence Howard! And he was seen "rubbing her butt"! Does she know about the baby wipes??? [Page Six]
  
• Jennifer Lopez's mom told a Daily News reporter she didn't hear about Jennifer being pregnant. "You know more than I do. I don't talk to her very often." Ouch! We're totally calling our mom later. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Lindsay Lohan's rep says the rumor about LL shagging married dude Tony Allen in rehab is "mean" and "untrue." Because that's her job. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Have you seen Beyoncé's new dark hair? [StereoHyped]
  
• Mary-Louise Parker's adoption of an African girl is "a great idea" says Angelina Jolie. Inside she was thinking, "Copycat!" [Page Six]

• Whoopi Goldberg seen giving Sherri Shepherd fashion advice? How very troubling. [Page Six]
• Today in the Charlie Sheen custody drama: Denise Richards claims Charlie got engaged to fiancée Brooke Mueller to get on the cover of People. [People]
• Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds want a "fun and casual" wedding. You know what would be fun? If Scary Spice showed up! [People]
• Brad Pitt: where he's from in the Midwest there's a "congenital sadness" but he's happy to have kids and their mother is "amazing." Same old same old. [People]
• Brad's next project? Playing a disgraced boxer in a flick based on a true story. We like that the documentary about the fighter was called High On Crack Street. Kind of says it all. [E!]
• For last year's transgression — trying to enter an airport with a collapsible baton in his luggage — Snoop Dogg was sentenced to community service in a location that does not involve children, games or football. Boo! [TMZ]
• Sharon Osbourne says Ozzy is always up for sex. "He's like a rabbit. Every song gets him in the mood." Ugh, too early for this! [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse and hubby Blake Fielder-Civil had a spat before her MOBO performance, which might have been why it was kind of a mess. A source claims Blake told her he was going to slit his wrists, and that Amy's toilet was covered in vomit. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Did you hear about Sting visiting a brothel in Germany? Apparently his wife doesn't give a damn. They were nuzzling in public last night. [Daily Mail]