• After nine days in a burn center, Travis Barker has been released from the hospital and is heading back to L.A. By bus. A friend says: "He will never fly again – ever." [People]
• Shanna Moakler is sticking by her ex-husband, because they still love each other. Also: "He's not in good shape," a source says. "It's very serious." He's headed to a hospital in the L.A. area. [People]
• Here's a picture of DJ AM, who left his home yesterday to attend a memorial service for Travis Barker's assistant. AM has clearly visible burns, but seems to be able to walk. [TMZ, People]
• Actress Joely Fisher and husband Chris Duddy have adopted a baby girl from South Central Los Angeles. The infant is an African-American girl they've named Olivia. A family friend says: "Joely and Chris were inspired by Angelina and Madonna's decisions to adopt a baby from Africa. But after looking into the adoption process, they realized there were so many children in the L.A. area who needed homes." Word. [Star]
• What's this? Brad and Angelina looking to adopt a kid from a Latin American country? Two months after having twins? Ay dios mio. [Daily Mail]

• Christina Applegate talked to Oprah about her double mastectomy. She says she didn't cry at first. "And then when I met with my doctor and I told him that was my decision and he brought the surgeon in and it was like the flood gates just opened up and I – I lost it." [People]
• Janet Jackson canceled her concert in Montreal on Monday after she "got suddenly ill." She was rushed to the hospital. Think it was a hangover from Jermaine Dupri's birthday party? As you'll recall, he vomited on her lap. [Yahoo News]
• Robert Redford on his late friend and co-star, Paul Newman: "This was a man who lived a life that really meant something and will for some time to come." ABC News]
• Here's a collection of quips by Paul Newman. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Miley Cyrus decided to take over Disneyland for her 16th birthday bash, but the date she wants happens to be the Gay Day celebration at the theme park. So: Miley in, gays out. [Perez Hilton]
• Britney may have won an MTV award for her "Piece Of Me" video, but she doesn't even think it's that great. "It's a cool video, but I think by far I've done videos that are way better," she says. "So I was really shocked that ... it got the award." As were we, dear. As were we. [AP]
• Despite what you might have heard, there is no Britney sex tape. Says a source close to Britney. [E!]
• Britney's in New York, btw. [The.Life Files]
• Plug your ears: Jessica Simpson is going to sing on Dancing With The Stars. [UPI]
• Naomi Watts turned 40 on Sunday, and she got a big present from her man, Liev Schreiber: A Mercedes-Benz Bluetec, the new, environmentally friendly luxury SUV. [E!]
• Two people involved in an accident that injured Shia LaBeouf were charged Monday with giving police false information about the wreck. There was a young couple in the other car; apparently the woman said she was driving, but the man was behind the wheel. [Yahoo News]
• Lauren Conrad: Seen making out with My Boys actor Kyle Howard. [E!]
• LC and Audrina are not "Top Friends" on MySpace. But trying to make news out of someone's MySpace mood is dumb. [Perez Hilton]
• All My Sons was the highest-grossing (non-musical) play on Broadway last week. Is Katie Holmes to thank? [AP]
• Ashlee Simpson sleeps with so many teddy bears there's hardly room for Pete Wentz in the bed. [Perez Hilton]
• Eva Longoria continues to wear flowy tops and drink water instead of cocktails; gossipers continue to speculate that she is pregnant. [E!]
• Three words: Katy Perry doll. [NY Mag]
• Madonna's concert at Wembley stadium ran over the time allotted, so she has to pay a £135,000 fine. Pocket change for Her Madgesty! [Guardian]
• David Beckham will be a character in a series of books that will bring children to reading through, um, soccer. [The Sun, Telegraph]
• The "poor" chick on Gossip Girl hangs with high society in real life. [Page Six]
• Renee Zellweger and Harry Connick Jr bring an uplifting movie about a breast-cancer drug to Lifetime. [Village Voice]
• Does Sophia Bush read Jezebel? In Health magazine she says: "It's weird: In our business, I'm a size 2 and considered curvy. It's important to remind young women, 'Listen, even skinny girls have cellulite, even Halle Berry has cellulite, and what you see in photos isn't totally real.'" [People]
• Keira Knightley does not drink, do drugs or smoke (really?) but she does curse up a storm. "I've a foul mouth like my mum," she says. [Mirror]
• Shocker: Black people like singer Robin Thicke even though he is white. [Newser]
• Traci Bingham is bringing a new show to Fox. "It's like America's Next Top Model," she says, "only they'll act, and perform and be athletic, as well." The difference is that Traci won't make fun of the contestants like Tyra does: "Don't you hate that?" [E!]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck is "really upset" about the election conversations on The View, and Barbara Walters has had to call a powwow with Hasselbeck, Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar. Can Babs make the ladies work it out? [Perez Hilton]
• Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers just enrolled as a freshman a the University of Southern California. He'll be studying music, of course. He should have gone to a Catholic school, since Catholic schoolgirls rule. [Perez Hilton]
• Demi Moore is suing a magazine that printed pictures of her and other celebrities at an Oscars party she hosted. [News.com.au]
• Country singer Mindy McCready will surrender to Tennessee authorities on today to start a 60-day jail sentence for violating probation on a previous drug-related charge. [Yahoo News]
• Kevin Costner will release his first album with his country-rock band, not that you give a shit. [People]
• More bad news for Ed McMahon: He's being sued by Merv Griffin's company. [USA Today]
• Ellen Burstyn has joined the cast of Showtime's Possible Side Effects, a drama set inside the world of the pharmaceutical industry. Tim Robbins is writing and directing. Diagnosis: Good! [Variety]
• Sadie Frost has swapped fashion for filmmaking. Her short film is about an evil nanny who terrorizes a single mother and daughter. [Mirror]
• "I've just written my first screenplay. It is pretty incredible to finish it — the first draft. I got somebody to teach me — there’s a programme called Final Draft. I had someone come round my house and teach me how to use it." — Geri Halliwell. [The Sun]
• "Listen, I’m a reasonable human being. If people pay me enough, I’ll stop playing my music." — James Blunt. [The Sun]
• "I convinced myself I was pregnant when I was 13 and I hadn’t even got my period. There are so many rumours and also so much wrong information being passed around, so it is a really important message the World Contraception Day is trying to give out. I am not the kind of person who talks about my sex life, but I am not afraid to talk about contraception. I go three, maybe four times a year to get tested for sexually transmitted infections and most of the time I don’t even need to. I just go for peace of mind." — Kelly Osbourne. [The Sun]
• "I’ve written some really, really deeply sexual things on some of the cards I’ve given him for opening night. But just to wind him up, you know. He’s great. He’s a truly remarkable man. You know, if I was gay or a female I’d, well, just want to marry him." — Daniel Radcliffe on his Equus co-star, Lorenzo Pisoni. [Daily Star]

• Did Samantha Ronson refuse to DJ a lesbian bar because "she doesn't do those kind of venues" ? [Page Six]
• Headline of the day: "Lindsay's MySpace Is Like Her Fake Wedding Ring." [E!]
• Additionally, Lindsay says Joe Francis is "yuck." [E!]
• Did Michael Lohan write a blog in which he calls Samantha Ronson "disgusting" and discusses her toilet paper habits? [The Sun]
• Victoria Beckham says she'd like to have another kid but she's too busy right now. "I don’t want another baby for two years because I’m working so hard on my fashion business. I haven’t got time. We would like another child but it won’t be for a couple of years yet." She also says: "David and I still go out on our own and we have a real laugh together. I love him more now than I did when we first met." Awww. Sniff! [The Sun]
• The Jolie-Pitt Foundation has just donated another $1 million, this time to fund the Human Rights Watch's work in Burma and Zimbabwe. [Perez Hilton]

• It's official! Whitney Port, the girl who was flown to Paris by Condé Nast but could not pronounce Givenchy, has her own spinoff of The Hills. The series starts shooting immediately in New York and will follow Whitney's life working for Diane von Furstenberg. Can Whit hold her own? Can she pronounce Houston Street? All will be revealed in 2009. [E!]
• Shanna Moakler, who was "devastated" when she learned of the plane crash that left her ex-husband badly burned, is spending time with Travis Barker, trying to lift his spirits. [People]
• Will George Clooney come back for the final season of ER? (Hint: No.) [Reuters]
• MTV is working on a "black version" of The Muppets with, who else, Kanye West. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blake Incarcerated says he'd rather stay in jail than go to rehab, probably because you can get drugs in jail. [The Sun]
• Kate Moss has been "trying to forget" her breakup with Jamie Hince by hanging out in Paris. [The Sun]
• A judge has thrown out a paparazzo's suit against Keanu Reeves; Keanu hit the dude with his car as he was trying to inch out of a parking space and the guy tripped over his own feet and hurt his wrist. [AP]
• Is Kristin Chenoweth dating Jeff Probst? They're both very pretty. (She says "We're really good friends.") [E!]
• Jonny Lee Miller, ex-husband of Angelina Jolie and star of TV show Eli Stone, is expecting a child with wife Michele Hicks. It will be their first! [People]
• Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey may have split up, not that you care. Also maybe on the rocks: Josh Duhamel and Fergie. [E!]
• Radar did a photo shoot with Shannen Doherty and she looks all angst-y. [Radar]
• Isaac Hayes has left part of his estate to the Isaac Hayes Foundation, which promotes literacy, music and nutrition. [AP]
• Hugh Hefner says Holly Madison is not dating Criss Angel. "Holly shares my bed on a nightly basis," Hef says. But! He admits that his relationships with Holly, Kendra and Bridget are "in transition." [E!]
• Michael Phelps admits he pees in the pool. And! If you missed Phelps playing Dr. McSwimmy in a Grey's Anatomy spoof before the Emmys, you can see it here. [LA Times]
• Pete Doherty was a "chess-mad schoolboy" when he was a kid. [The Sun]
• Charlie Sheen's wife had emergency gall bladder surgery even though she's in the early stages of pregnancy, yikes. She's gonna be okay. [E!]
• Jennifer Hudson's new CD includes a duet with fellow American Idol alum Fantasia. That's a lot of voice on one track. [Fox 411]
• Janet Jackson has left her record label. Stay tuned as she tries to figure out how to stay relevant. [E!]
• "I would like to go to university and complete a degree and so that will mean a break from acting. I've always tried to balance my education with my acting career, but I just don't think it will be possible to juggle it with a degree course. I have a need now to study." — Emma "Hermione Granger" Watson. [Daily Mail]
• "I am a size 27 jeans. My measurements are 34, 26, 39. But remember I am 5'2" and ½ and everyone carries their weight in different places. I am really sick and tired of people being so mean and nasty and assume I am lying. JUST FOR YOU NON-BELIEVERS, I WILL POST A VIDEO BLOG OF ME SHOWING YOU GUYS MY SIZE 27 JEANS LATER TONIGHT!" — Kim Kardashian. [MSNBC]

• Lindsay Lohan will appear on SIX EPISODES of Ugly Betty, including the season finale. LL will play an old classmate of Betty's who is down on her luck. Naomi Campbell, Christian Siriano, Victoria Beckham and now Lindsay? It's official: Ugly Betty is the new Love Boat. [TMZ]
  
• Oooh, Lindsay's mugshot is being used in a drunk driving ad. [Reuters]
  
• Courtney Love was in the hospital over the weekend; homegirl has strep throat! Stay away. (Not that you needed a warning.) [Mirror]
  
• Thirty guests attended Jamie Lynn Spears's baby shower in Kentwood, LA on Saturday and big sis Britney was one of them. The ladies sat in a circle and opened gifts and nothing scandalous happened, yawn. [People]
  
• Britney hadn't been in her hometown since early 2007. Bet she misses some Southern cooking. [People]
  
• Miley Cyrus appeared at the Disney Channel Games concert Saturday night and thanked fans, saying: "Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love every one of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you." Then she took her top off. Kidding! [People]

• Boo! Amy Winehouse has backed out of recording the theme for the new James Bond flick because she's not ready to work. Also: Nothing rhymes with Quantum of Solace. [Variety]
• But! Amy will duet with Pete Doherty at a gig at Royal Albert Hall. Which sounds um, healthy? [Mirror]
• The nanny who is accusing Rob Lowe of sexual harassment also babysits for Shanna Moakler, whom you may know from the MTV show Meet The Barkers, as she is Travis Barker's ex-wife. [People]
• Oscar nominee Judy Davis is suing a Sydney newspaper over an article that implies she is a child-hating selfish hypocrite. The thing is, she doesn't want floodlights on a soccer field near her waterfront home. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Dina Lohan to Jill Zarin of The Real Housewives of New York: "I don't watch TV. Especially reality shows." Haha bet you will when yours starts airing! [Rush & Molloy]
• Kim Kardashian: Seen going for a laser cellulite treatment... With camera crews in tow, of course! A butt that famous needs lots of attention and tender loving care. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which newly minted TV star is a pushover who already looks ready for rehab? At an L.A. party, the actor was mocked into doing a bunch of shots, despite protesting numerous times that he had to drive that night." [Rush & Molloy]
• Lily Allen spent £300 at a nail salon last week but neglected to tip her technician, tsk tsk! [Mirror]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs was honored with a star on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood on Friday; his mom, kids and baby mama Kim Porter were all in attendance — and dressed to match. [Concrete Loop]
• Avril Lavigne has laryngitis and has canceled or postponed most of her tour. Get a refund, people! [People]
• Dinner with Erykah Badu is up for auction! The proceeds go to the African American Museum in Dallas. [UPI]
• Gary Dourdan is "embarrassed" about his arrest situation. But the luggage in his car with all the drugs wasn't his and the reason he pulled over and cops found him sleeping in his car was because he didn't want to drive while drunk. So there's that. [People]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes gave the Beckhams a wine tasting trip to Napa Valley for their birthday; Seal and Heidi Klum and Kate Beckinsale and Len Wiseman also came along. Hot couples wandering through the grapevines? Sounds like the opening scene of a very classy porn film. [Mirror]
• A woman is scheduled to testify at R. Kelly's upcoming child pornography trial, and will reveal that she had a threesome with R. and the allegedly underage girl in the infamous video. Wait, wouldn't that be a crime, too? Oh, the woman was also underage when she had the threesome. Great. And by great I mean awful. [TMZ]
• A Sting charity concert was meant to raise money for the rain forests, but less than half of the show's profits actually went to the cause. "What are they doing with the money?" the Better Business Bureau asked. Good question. [UPI]
• Orlando Bloom: Seen out drinking sake with a buddy instead of attending a fashion show where his girlfriend Miranda Kerr was in the front row. [News.com.au]
• Elle Macpherson is moving from London to her homeland of Australia. [News.com.au]
• Country star Gretchen Wilson, 34, passed her GED exam in April and will don a cap and gown and finally graduate from high school on May 15. Better late than ever! [AP]
• "I came to grips with my bum. Before, I always tied a shirt around my waist when I went for a run. It was ridiculous. I finally told myself, 'I'm not doing this anymore — I have nothing to hide.' I've got some curves, I've got a bubble butt, but I don't mind, because it's what powers me forward when I run." — Elisabeth Hasselebeck. [Page Six]
• "Unfortunately for certain media outlets, you will never be able 2 'Michael Jackson' me. That means 2 make it seem like everything I do is so weird or out of place... they always try 2 make it seem like everything is about my ego! That joke is getting old. At a certain point you have 2 respect that I'm one of the last artist that still cares about the fans having the best time of there lives!" —Kanye West. [Perez Hilton]
• Iron Man made $100 million? This country confuses me. [E!]

• A fight broke out on the set of Pharrell's new video a few hours before Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson showed up. Oh, and the N.E.R.D. song, "Everybody Nose," is about girls waiting on line for a club bathroom to do coke. [Page Six]
  
• Hey, guess who is making a cameo appearance in that video about cocaine? Your girl Lindsay! Classy. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Contrary to earlier reports, a source says Lindsay's album is on track to be released this fall. [People]
  
• As previously reported, Anne Hathaway's boyfriend, Italian property developer Raffaelo Follieri, was arrested for trying to pass a bad check for $250,000. [People]
  
• Also as previously reported: Naomi Campbell was arrested after a kerfluffle at Heathrow's Terminal 5, after a dispute involving a missing piece of luggage. Since Terminal 5 opened last week, more than 28,000 bags have been separated from their owners. Naomi is out on bail and must report to the police station in late May. [Yahoo News]
  
• There's some new strain of medical marijuana people are calling "Tom Cruise Purple" and guess whose lawyers are investigating? Spoil sport. [Rush & Molloy]

• Are Beyoncé and Jay-Z getting married today? [Mirror]
• It seems like they are! Guests must wear ivory and the location was not on the invitation. [Concrete Loop]
• Madonna's new video, "4 Minutes," is out! Watch Madge and Justin Timberlake undulate and flirt! [People]
• Officials in Malawi are backing Madonna's effort to adopt David Banda, which looks like a go — we'll know when she visits the country next week. [Mirror]
• Prince William and girlfriend Kate Middleton were seen dancing, giggling and kissing at a charity event with a burlesque theme. Is he gonna marry her or what? [People]
• Nicolas Cage has won libel action against the Daily Mail and actress Kathleen Turner over false allegations that he'd been arrested for drunk driving and had stolen a dog. [Guardian]
• George Clooney's request for a writing credit on new film Leatherheads was denied by the Writers Guild, so Clooney has withdrawn from the union. [Reuters]
• "Motherhood has never been an ambition. I don't think like that. I never have expectations like, 'When I'm 19 I'm going to do this, and by the time I've hit 25 I'm going to do that'. I just take things as they come, each day at a time, and if things happen then all well and good." — Renee Zellweger. [ONTD]
• Kate Moss and Agyness Deyn are in a spat, yawn. [Mirror]
• Scott Storch had trouble getting into a club and it made the papers. [Page Six]
• Maya Angelou is turning 80 this weekend, so Oprah is throwing her a huge three-day party in Palm Beach! Perhaps our invitation was lost in the mail? [Page Six]
• Chloe Sevigny collapsed on the way to the Nylon anniversary party she was supposed to be hosting due to a viral infection. [Page Six]
• Mick Jagger wears Nikes with platform soles so he can measure up to his 6 foot 2 girlfriend L'Wren Scott. You make a grown man cry! [Page Six]
• Heather Mills is moving to New York. Sigh. [Gatecrasher]
• Hmm, Yoko Ono is sympathetic to Heather Mills. "It's not very easy for a woman to be associated with The Beatles," Yoko says. [Mirror]
• Shanna Moakler, former Miss USA and ex of Blink 182's Travis Barker, is now datng Jay Grdina, Jenna Jameson's ex. Romantic. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which publicist for the wife of one of Hollywood's biggest old school action stars doubles as a rep for her skin-care range? A journalist who recently expressed polite interest in the line was offered the chance to buy some." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which proud new papa cheated on his fiancée two years ago with a famous starlet? The two were hanging at a private bash in his apartment when the mood turned a little lustful." [Rush & Molloy]
• Really? More Ashley Dupre Girls Gone Wild photos? So over it. [TMZ]
• 50 Cent's baby mama wants to stay in her $2.4 million Long Island mansion even thought 50 owns the house and they split up years ago. [TMZ]
• Kelly Ripa says she's "so excited" for Kathie Lee Gifford's stint on the Today show. Babe, you're the only one. [People]
• Former ANTM contestant Yaya has been cast on All My Children. Act with your eyes! [ONTD]
• Hulk Hogan is "very happy" with his new girlfriend, Jennifer McDaniel, who is — surprise! — a busty blonde, much like his wife. And daughter. [People]
• During the first week of the Beijing Olympics, Mia Farrow will be in Darfur, protesting China's involvement in that region of Africa. [Yahoo News]
• Kevin Federline has spent $50,489 in Vegas over an eight-month period. Guess who pays his credit card bills? The "Bank Of Britney." [TMZ]
• Britney and her mom went shopping at Ed Hardy for birthday presents for Jamie Lynn — today is JLS's 17th birthday. [People]
• Will Britney return to How I Met Your Mother? [USA Today]
• Survey says: No. [ONTD]

The Good: Rihanna looks hot, even dressed like Barbie; Kim Stolz reminds us why she was maybe our favorite Top Model contestant ever; and Mary J. Blige could teach poor Britney Spears a thing or two on how to be sophisticated and maintain your street cred.

The Bad: Paris Hilton looks weirdly middle-aged; Nelly Furtado is unrecognizable; and Pam Anderson, well, looks like Pam Anderson.

The Ugly: Shanna Moakler's hair puts fear into our hearts; Lil' Mama gave us nightmares; and Kat Von D is to blame, we're sure, for the migraine we've come down with this morning.

And in a new special category, The Stupid: Ah, Miss South Carolina Teen USA. She might have great cleavage, but she doesn't know the difference between The Iraq and The South Africa.

[Images via Filmmagic]