Here we are. Can you believe it? Did you, like me, worry we’d be stuck in a never-ending vortex wherein this year simply repeated itself over and over until we all ceased to understand about the very notion of reality? Do you now, actually, want this year to repeat itself in all its monstrous glory so that we never…
Let me anger bigots around the country by wishing you a very happy holidays.
Guys, how many more weeks are left in this year? What are the odds 2017 will bring about a greater national understanding of shade as well as fewer instances of people trying to bite Judge Brown’s steeze? Oh, incredibly low, you say? Perfect.
Hello, welcome to Shade Court, and no, I did not include Donald Trump’s Hitler-lite Time Magazine cover because I honestly believe I will disintegrate into a pile of material frustration if I have to write about that man today.
Is it possible to have a very slow stroke that lasts an entire year? It must be, because I know no other way to describe the state of my brain at this time.
I’m sure we all have a lot of family interaction, leftover pie-eating and donating to Standing Rock to do, so let’s get into it.
Hello. The world is falling apart. I’m terrified, but here we are. Last week I was very much not in the mood to be funny or do anything but eat eggless cookie dough in my bed. But now it’s time to fight. We have many battles ahead of us, and while I won’t claim the sanctity of shade be one of the most important, it is…
I fully believe in the separation of church and state, so consider my following words not a prayer, but a mere hope intended to improve the lives of all Dorian Corey’s children: Let us band together in these trying times and do our best to preserve the sanctity of shade and stop tweets like this from happening. Play…
Hello. We are all here, on this Earth, breathing in and out, trying to stay sane and hydrated. One day at a time, everyone. One very, very, very long day at a time.
It is Friday yet again and here I sit on my bench—ready to judge, ready to shade, ready for this goddamn election to finally end.
Apologies in advance for the overwhelming presence of Donald Trump this week. The orange glow emitting from my computer screen only caught my attention when I was halfway through this week’s docket and the damage as already done. Still, with just 24 days until what has legitimately become national nightmare is…
You know when the entire technological world is conspiring against you? When they don’t want you to be great? When they don’t want you to correct the wrongs against shade? I do! After experiencing numerous technical difficulties today, I am finally here to serve my justice. My apologies for the delay.
My goodness, what a week. What a treasure trove! I can honestly say that I was bombarded with shade-related content and it was both wondering and stressful. In wading through a very large caseload, many were left behind, but please, do not, by any means, take this as a suggestion to stop presenting your cases. I am…
At times such as these, when everything is going to shit, my only hope is that the unyielding justice of this court can stand tall as a pillar of sanity and side-eye to all the dimwitted chaos the devil is raining down upon us. Welcome to Shade Court.
Are we going to make it, guys? Seriously, I mean, are we going to get to the end of 2016 as whole beings? I have my doubts! I would love for this week’s Shade Court to be a place of refuge for the weary but I’m afraid we are not safe from the sinkhole of stupidity our world is rapidly descending into.
Shade Court is here, let’s all exercise the good sense. I don’t have much to muse about before we dive in, other than: Hallelujah, we are free from Donald Trump this week.
It is rather appropriate that Labor Day is approaching us, because my back is sore from the hard labor of carrying the weight of imbecilic uses of shade. There were so many horrific shade abuses this week it was truly difficult to pick only a few.
I don’t know about you all but I’m settling back into things nicely. The gavel feels smooth in my hand and my robe still fits. Still, as was the case before my retirement, I continue to be trolled by people with delusions of cleverness.
It was Mariah Carey, the Lady-Protector of High Shade from the land of the Eyerolling Careys, who once sang about the noble butterfly. The song, somewhat deceptively, is not about an actual butterfly. Rather, it is a metaphor for something resembling love. The wise chanteuse sings:
I hate to open with a cliché, but—to cite another cliché—clichés are clichés for a reason. These, my good people, are extraordinary times. And when the times are extraordinary, they call for extraordinary measures.