sexy time - Jezebel

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Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
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FireflyinJuly
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
Does one get a free wrap dress with this discovery?
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Vivelafat says Sweep the leg, Johnny.
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
"You marry your best friend, but intimacy is what makes a marriage work."

Intimacy is NOT JUST SEXUAL. My husband and I are extremely touchy (privately) but don't have sex very often. I think sex just falls away a little bit after 8+ years.
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lisas
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
In my experience, it is also necessary to think about the ways in which straight women's sexuality has been hijacked and packaged as a marketing tool. I have found that in my attempts to throw off my programming I run the risk of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
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Heather_yeah
11/30/09

@lisas: I agree. In my adult life, I don't think I've ever been uncomfortable with my sexuality for being "omg dirty," but I do sometimes associate wanting to feel sexy with falling for marketing hype or buying into some Cosmo-ish brand of sexuality. It can be hard to embrace part of your sexuality if it's also used to sell beer to douchebags.
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clevernamehere
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
I don't think talking about sex is necessarily the same thing as being comfortable and sex positive.

I've run across people who seem to use talking about sex as a way to seem interesting/sexy rather than a way to communicate about sex.

There is a difference between bragging about your sex life and being comfortable enough to bring up your desires/problems.
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Le Kangourou de Kataroo
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
My new roomie was completely taken aback by openly I joked with my boyf and his friends about me and the boyf's sex live, but it does destigmatize it to just TALK about it. And then when she started dating the boyf's bff, she understood why we're so open about it - it doesn't turn into a big THING if you don't let it.
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LilSpitfire
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
I read shit like this and realize I grew up around people with a waaaaaay dirty sense of humor.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Mom and me cracking penis jokes at the dinner table during Thanksgiving while dad is trying to eat sausage=priceless.

Nothing freaks people out more than saying the words "vagina" or "penis" in public.
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banana_grabber
11/30/09

@LilSpitfire: No kidding. My SIL refuses to tell my 5 year old nephew that the baby she just has come out her vagina. He keeps asking where it came out and has yet to get a straight answer (besides "from the hospital"). I think she trying to keep him from sexual understanding, but that's only going to cause problems when he grows up.
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LilSpitfire
11/30/09

@banana_grabber: I got the talk when I was five in all it's "vagina and sometimes you poop while birthing" glory.

It was awwwwwwwwwwwwckward but I am thankful my mother can say "penis" with a straight face. Or a mischievous grin.
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colormeroutine
11/30/09

@LilSpitfire: I got that at 5 too. Then scandalized the other parents by telling it for show and tell one day. Kindergarten my caused quite the uproar, my mom was never really fully forgiven for it by the other moms.
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Pleasure
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
OK, I really hope I am not hijacking the topic, but why oh why don't discussions of female sexuality ever include discussions of sexual abuse?
Some estimates say that about 1/3 of women are sexually abused. It HAS to be a huge factor.

Yes, there's a fair amount of talk about sexual abuse, and there's increasingly a lot of (awkward) talk about female sexuality, but the two never meet.

One thing I can never talk about with my sex positive friends (one of whom is a sex educator!!!) is about how I had sexual feelings during my abuse, and how it's hard to separate my sexuality and abuse now. It's always, 'did you talk about it to your therapist?'

I guess what I'm saying is that to me at least opening a discussion of female sexuality without talking about the dark side of things seems very shallow.
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Beets.Go.On is the Fat Yogini promoted this comment Edited by Pleasure at 11/30/09 1:45 PM Pleasure was starred Pleasure was unstarred

Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd)
11/30/09

@Pleasure: That's a very good point.
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Pleasure
11/30/09

@Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): Thanks. I'm always torn between wanting to talk about what I want to talk about and not damaging other people's idea of sex as positive.
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bluebears
11/30/09

@Pleasure: this is such a good point. thanks for sharing that perspective, I had never thought about how discussions about womens sexuality never mentions this sort of thing but thinking about it I think you are absolutely right.
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MaryQContrary
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
It's hot, its steamy, and it's coming to your screen soon.... Yes, it's Jackie Collins' new blockbuster....
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hussein persepolis hussein
11/30/09

@MaryQContrary: You get a big ole heart for that.
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Rare Affinity
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
When I posted what I considered to be an amusing true story about a sexually explicit encounter on my blog, several people were scandalised; some because they did not consider it acceptable to openly discuss such matters; others because it was odds with their rather staid image of me. What all shared in common was a desire to read the unexpurgated segments (now removed by me) even though I had gone out of my way to protect their delicate sensibilities with a pop-up (no pun intended) warning them of adult content. So it is reassuring to hear that these fellow Brits can openly write erotic tales for one another without provoking condemnation.
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Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd)
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
Without going into details, I can't relate to this at all. Is it a generational thing?
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LaFemme
11/30/09

@Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): I was just going to ask this same question. I think it is, at least in part.
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Rare Affinity
11/30/09

@Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): I know a couple in their 20s were shocked at my sexually explicit story so I am not sure if it is just a generational thing. There must be a lot of young people who find it difficult to openly discuss their sexuality with others, judging by the levels of unplanned teenage pregnancies and rates of STIs.
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clevernamehere
11/30/09

@Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): I think there are some generational divides, but I've also found that people who are uncomfortable with their sexuality talk are the most likely to brag about how they had sex in a men's room or tell you how big their boyfriend's dick. It is hard to know how sexually comfortable how someone is, but I think how much they talk about sex isn't a very good indicator.
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BytheSea
12/02/09

@Benevolent_Dictatrix (patently absurd): *shrug* I'm 28 and I've been reading and writing sexually explicit fanfic since I was 13. (Didn't say it was GOOD sexually explicit fanfic.) I'm not sleeping with anyone right now but I don't feel like I'm on the shelf. So maybe it is good for some people.
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clevernamehere
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
Society is really uncomfortable with female sexuality.

It isn't so much the laughing at Twilight (they are pretty funny), it is the endless comments about whether or not grown women should find a shirtless Taylor Lautner sexy. Some of the attention does go to far, but I can't remember anyone caring much that grown men found Britney Spears sexy back in 1999. Women are supposed to be better than that (Granted, I was a teenager in 1999, but I don't think I missed a big backlash.)

Another side of that is porn. I don't have a problem with porn. Almost any material men and women use as a masturbatory aid is fine with me. But I'm really bothered by the common sentiment that porn = sex. It doesn't. By and large it is focused towards male desires, which is fine by no more accurate than a bodice ripping romance novel. In my limited porn/romance novel experience, oral sex is usually geared towards the audience. Men don't go down a lot in porn, women don't go down a lot in romance novels. That's fine, they are fantasies geared towards different audiences, but only one is laughed at.
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
11/30/09

@clevernamehere: Exactly. I wish I could hug every woman who's embarrassed by her desires and tell her that she should NEVER have to apologize for finding something sexy.
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BytheSea
12/02/09

@clevernamehere: Old people fucking flip their wig at porn. Older women, like boomers. There's this adult video store up the street from where I work and otherwise sensible old people want to burn it down and salt the earth and talk about how it's killing business b/c mothers can't walk their babies past it. They think there's peep booths in the back, wtf. It's a black rectangle with blacked out windows and a very discreet title on the roof. No advertising, no lights, no banners. Meanwhile Walmart just built another megalomart and had the city build special roads just to access it but old people love they Walmart.
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BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit)
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
This is so interesting. I am writing a funny romance novel, and I have found myself loosening up about all things sexual since doing so. Not that I considered myself so repressed before or anything, but I am different. Sometimes when I beat myself up for not having started writing earlier, I remember that I think my age has a lot to do with opening up. The older I get, the more I own myself and my sexuality, and I think that informs my ability to write sexy. Plus, I care less and less with others think the older I get, so I'm embarrassed less. And... I'm just rambling now.
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Rare Affinity
11/30/09

@BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): I have to agree with you about the age factor. I have done and written things I would not have had the nerve to say or do at a much younger age. Mary Wesley, one of Britain's most successful novelist was first published at the grand old age of 71, so I am guessing you have something of a head start on her.
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BytheSea
12/02/09

@BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): You're writing chick lit or "humerous women's fiction."
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PilgrimSoul
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
I don't have a problem with de-stigmatizing women's sexuality. But I do wonder the extent to which, after centuries of patriarchy, we may be presumed to have access to it.
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Pleasure
11/30/09

@PilgrimSoul: Can you elaborate? Do you mean that it's hard to separate one's own sexuality from all the outside messages?
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PilgrimSoul
11/30/09

@Pleasure: Yes, that precisely.
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thrombus
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
"I walked into a kitchen full of women."

And all was right with the world.

But really, that point about her blushing to herself? Yeah, I can relate to being inhibited and embarrassed. This is despite holding progressive views on sexuality. My problem was not that I was raised with the view that my sexuality was inherently dirty, rather, it just wasn't discussed. It was never talked about in a positive or negative light, just ignored. That doesn't exactly lay down a path or provide an open forum for discussion with peers or family or even, in my case medical professionals. I guess there was the implicit message that these things were bad simply because they were ignored. I don't know where I'm going with this.
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
11/30/09

@thrombus: Erotic fanfic. Seriously. Erotic fanfic and (if you're squeamish) romance novels!

Once you get past the "holyshit I'm reading a story about a vampire and a wizard makin' sex!" you realize, "holyshit this is kinda hot..." and at that point, you're hooked.
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Maggita
11/30/09

@thrombus: Exactly my experience. As I've tried to become more comfortable with my sexuality, I realize that when my parents ignored sex and sensuality I felt there must be shame attached. Discomfort with the topic must mean it's bad. Trying to change my own opinions is really hard.

It doesn't help that I'm increasingly feeling hetero sex is all about the guy's pleasure (it's traditionally considered successful when he climaxes). Not that I haven't had partners uninterested in my experience, but rather the whole attitude toward vagina sex as the holy grail of all sexual acts is very annoying and problematic for me.
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
11/30/09

In reply to Can You Say "Libido" With A Straight Face?
Dudes, pornographic fanfic definitely works well on the ol' libido. Trufax.
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spamanda
11/30/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: I love reading erotica. There's some fantastic stuff out there, usually short story collections. I'm always buying it, then hiding it so my parents don't see it when they come over.
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LuvEwan
11/30/09

@Zombie Ms. Skittles: Hallelujah and amen.
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