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BadHairLife
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
In Marguerite's situation, the whole virginity thing is just a red herring in this situation (pardon any awkward puns arising out of that phrase.)

There is no way anyone should have sex with a guy friend who is active with a bunch of other girls WHEN YOU WANT FEELINGS TO BE INVOLVED AND WHEN IT APPEARS THAT YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM BUT HE DOESN'T RECIPROCATE.

Sorry, don't know how to bold or anything in comments.

Anyway, the addition of the virginity thing just makes me predict a scene where he's all "I told you we were just friends." and she's all "I gave you my virginity, you bastard!"

This is a variation on the situation where one party offers the other a fuck-buddy situation - hoping that it becomes more - and then gets all crazy because the other party has no intense feelings, and continues to go about business as usual instead of having a Big Revelation of his/her "real" love.

.....or am I personalizing this?
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MizJenkins
06/24/09

@BadHairLife: JINX!! THANK YOU!!

...and then you end up pregnant/with herpes. WAKE. UP.
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MizJenkins
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
Y'know, that last one is really pissing me off still. What a load of irresponsible bullshit.

"Aretha: I don't care what he "says." It will mean something to him; it always does.

Susie: Virginity is wildly overrated.

THIS is their advice to a girl who is barely a legal adult, who is considering being physically and emotionally intimate with a man who:
1) Is being physically intimate (and we don't know how safe) with several other women...that she knows of;
2) has made it explicitly clear that he does not and will not have any emotional investment in her, regardless of what she may feel for him;
3) has made it explicitly clear that he is willing to lie about the emotional investment he has in her, to the extent it will influence her decision to fuck him, and
4) in light of the foregoing we can only conclude would not assume any mutual accountability for the potential medical risks to her that may arise from their intimacy...

::blinks::

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!! And your best attempt at cautionary advice is 'If you don't think it's going to be fun don't bother'...?

Based on what we know about this guy already how likely is this to be a fun outcome for her?

How emotionally and physically devastating are all the potential risks associated with this guy....as compared to "fun"?

This isn't about the 'cult of virginity' unless by that you mean COMMON FUCKING SENSE and SELF-RESPECT (as practised by young women). It's called 'protecting your assets', including your coochie, your heart, your uterus, your motherfucking bank account, your reputation for having any motherfucking sense at all and your right to look out for your OWN damn interests just as much as he is.

Both these bishes need to GROW UP.

/hmph

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YourScreenplaySucks
06/24/09

@MizJenkins: That sums it up pretty nicely.
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SarahMC
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
Don't you know that not removing every inch of hair from your body is anagalous to me not wiping myself after I shit?! GAWD! When you don't wear make-up it's akin to me leaving food driblets on my lips and chin. And your A-cups are completely unsanitary, too! 96% of people know that. At least have the decency not to spread your diseases everywhere!
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debo matar la zombi goldberry83
06/24/09

@SarahMC: I'm doing this!: Marry me. I may be filthy, but I'm very affectionate.
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kolacek
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
"rth: f y hv th nrv t sk yr lvr t shv, b prprd. t's n th lvl f "y nd t ls wght."

"Thr s n skng "ncly."

r y fckng kddng m? nc plld th pnts ff Mrmn grl nd nrly chkd t dth n th wrst ptch f n-trmmd bsh hv sn n my ntr lf. Thr s n xcs.

Hw bt "f y wnt m t dvlp TMJ nd wr t my tng n th nm f th lmghty thgh-trmblng cltrl rgsm...hw bt y grw p, kp yrslf cln nd d wht 99 prcnt f th mrcn pblc lrdy knws t d?"

n wht ltrnt rlty ds "trm yr pbs" snd lk "yr ss lks hg?"

Cn stp wshng my dck nd xpct tht thng nr yr thrt?

N? ddn't thnk s.
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hydrogen_jukebox
06/24/09

@kolacek: I don't think you're striking the proper tone here.
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debo matar la zombi goldberry83
06/24/09

@kolacek: Wow. Seriously? Guess what, jackass: having pubic hair is in no way like not bathing. The fact that you think it is shows that you have some really fucked up attitudes. Halfwit.
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clevernamehere
06/24/09

@kolacek: Hyperbole much? Pubic hair nearly killed you? Washing and shaving are not equivalent acts. Also, there is no way 99% of Americans shave, just no way.

Its fine to have a preference, its fine to not date girls who aren't completely shaved. But that's your issue, not hers.
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chritter is a nocturnal feminist mancatfish
06/24/09

@kolacek: The hairless=clean trope has been done before, but the silly made-up statistic was a nice touch!
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rocknrollunicorn
06/24/09

@kolacek: If this happens again, maybe you just DON'T GO DOWN ON HER. There's not a checklist of sexual activities one must complete once the panties are removed.
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
Dear Jezebelles,

Okay, so this article totally reminded me of one of the major issues in my relationship to the point that pondering on it put me into a BLINDING RAGE. Does this mean I should submit a question? Please advise!

Blinded with RAGE!
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inabook
06/24/09

@Zombie MissSkittles is not your kind of lady: Do you actually think they'll give you decent advice? They seem to like to dance around the issues presented... but it could be an amusing dance, so go for it!
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MizJenkins
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
I hate to keep picking on this little girl, but...

"Aretha: I don't care what he "says." It will mean something to him; it always does.

Oh really? Talk to me in ten years. This is why a 19 year-old doesn't need to be writing a sex advice column.
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Hana Maru
06/24/09

@MizJenkins: ugh, seriously.
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sciencerules
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
Oh, hi, pubic hair maintenance, we haven't talked about you in at least fifteen seconds! I had almost forgotten that whatever is going on under my pants is most assuredly wrong and displeasing to either feminism or my boyfriend or both, somehow, at the same time, in addition to the entire internet.
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AtomiClash: humanitarian misanthrope
06/24/09

@sciencerules: hah. I just want to know when "whatever you are comfortable with" cease to be an appropriate answer.
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Flackette Goes Retro
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
The "mother of my children" guy is creepy to the millionth power. That is totally controlling and icky, and means that he views a "wife" as someone who is fulfilling a role, not being herself. Anyone who expects you to change to further your relationship clearly doesn't appreciate who you already are.
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inabook
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
I feel like their "sex advice" columns turn into vaugely rambling on something related to the question, without ever giving real advice to the person asking.
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Zombie Ms. Skittles
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
All these letters kind of make me want to be single for the rest of my life. I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that.
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rocknrollunicorn
06/24/09

@Zombie MissSkittles is not your kind of lady: I think I encounter roughly 1,000 things a day that make me want to be single for life. I've been hitting snooze on that "maybe I should try to date" feeling for a long time and I'm not finding any convincing evidence that I should stop.
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marshmallory
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
I wish someone had told me virginity is wildly overrated.

I spent practically all of high school bored out of my mind of blowjobs and "phalanges-penetration" because I thought I had to save myself for marriage. Once I did lose it, I wanted to kick myself for not doing it sooner.

But, that's what you get when you grow up Catholic.
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AtomiClash: humanitarian misanthrope
06/24/09

@marshmallory: DITTO!

On another note, I think it's hysterically cute that she used the term phalanges-penetration. Honestly, adorable!
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AtomiClash: humanitarian misanthrope
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
This is the second time in as many months that I've encountered a young woman (18/19) who is having the "I want to get it over with!" inner dialogue, but also seems to be looking to the wrong person to do so with. I just feel I need to voice my opinion on this: Ladies, virginity just is and then it isn't, and ultimately it doesn't make much of a difference. I know our culture attaches a lot of meaning to it, but in the end, the ONLY person you have to wake up with is yourself (also the only person you can count on to wake up with!). So let's take the pressure off. It'll happen or it won't. There's no race to the finish line, people cannot look at you and detect your virginity or lack thereof. Be comfortable enough with your own sexuality so as to be able to assess the situation for what it may be: intercourse for the sake of intercourse. If it's a relationship you're looking for, take the sex out of the equation, and decide if you really want to pursue it on that level.
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bluebears
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
Also, I have to say that I'm bothered by the first dude describing his girlfriends not shaving as, "her lack of personal grooming." seriously? that makes it sound like she doesn't brush her teeth or wash her hair with shampoo or something.
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Khrushchev
06/24/09

@bluebears: Bingo. The troublesome aspect of his letter is that he clearly has no idea how to broach this topic with his girlfriend, and that's because he doesn't see it as a "preference" that he has--he sees her hair as a problem. Note that his question isn't "Am I allowed to ask her to shave?" but "What do I do to get her to shave?" which sounds creepy and manipulative in and of itself.

Maybe this is just a petissue of mine, but it's really bothering me.
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Khrushchev
06/24/09

@Khrushchev: Pet issue. Not petissue.
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bluebears
06/24/09

@Khrushchev: right. he just assumes, as a given, that the default "correct" state of a woman's genitals is totally hairless or some form thereof. Therefore his girlfriend is somehow like, delinquent, in her habits.
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rocknrollunicorn
06/24/09

@Khrushchev: Thank you for more clearly saying what I've been thinking. Writing to an advice column asking for the secret ways to make your gf get rid of the hair that grosses you out =/= looking for a tactful way to state your preference. I dunno, I think if he was approaching it not as her "grooming issue" but as HIS preference, he wouldn't need advice.
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queenieinmanhattan
06/24/09

@bluebears: YES! It really bugs me when people treat the removal of body hair of any kind like it's part of basic cleanliness. It's aaaalll about preference, folks.

Which, I guess, all grooming is, at a certain level. But your pubic hair doesn't stink up a conference room the way a lack of bathing does.
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BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit)
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
Re: "The mother of my future children doesn't talk like that."

DO NOT MARRY THE WIFE FETISHIST! I have a friend who did and nooooooooo. Unhappiness. Get out now. You can never be his "idea" of what a wife "should" be because she doesn't exist.
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marshmallory
06/24/09

@BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): Yes she does: his mom.
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Flackette Goes Retro
06/24/09

@marshmallory: Oh, so true! I met and dated this type of dude. A week into dating him, he told me that he hoped I could be a stay at home mom, and mentioned the type of car he would buy for me. RED ALERT! RUN AWAY!
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whynotshesaid
06/24/09

@BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): YES. If he's like this and they aren't even married, can you imagine how he'd be once they were married, and especially if they had kids? Girl, save yourself.
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practicecactus lies in the shadow of the statue
06/24/09

In reply to "My Boyfriend Loves Oral Sex But Hates Pubic Hair"
I wish that in high school, someone had told me that all the "not-sex" (aka, no penetration) that I was having really wasn't much different than if I'd added "sex" (penetration) along with it. I think I would have had a lot more fun with boyfriends that I really did care about, instead of constantly feeling burdened by "saving myself for marriage". The guilt of saving myself really messed me up me up and by the time I finally said fuck it and had sex in college, I realized that penetration really wasn't much different from all the great foreplay leading up to it.

I'm not saying this applies to all people, and I certainly don't judge those who are still virgins, I just wish I'd known that one day I'd be totally over the virginity thing and really regret all the years of fun I wasted.
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Hana Maru
06/24/09

@practicecactus lies in the shadow of the statue: "I finally said fuck it" Teehee, pun intended?
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whynotshesaid
06/24/09

@practicecactus lies in the shadow of the statue: Oh, ha. I am so with you on this one. In fact, I daresay I found all of the foreplay far more arousing than the actual sex itself. I told my husband the other day that losing my virginity was simultaneously the most exciting and completely underwhelming experience of my sexual life.
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