In the article, Allen traces the marketing of "Female Sexual Dysfunction" (FSD) — yes, the affliction itself, since you can't start marketing a cure until enough people are convinced they have the disease — which might more accurately (if less amusingly) be described as "Listless Vagina Syndrome". "The FDA's evolving definition of FSD includes decreased desire or arousal, sexual pain and orgasm difficulties — but only if the woman feels 'personal distress' about it. So, convincing women to feel distress is a key component of the drug company strategy to market a multi-billion-dollar pill that will cure billions of women of what may not ail them."

And even though the FDA has not yet approved a treatment for Listless Vagina Syndrome, the campaign to inform women that our sex lives are inadequate — but treatable! — is already working. Doctors have written 1.4 million off-label prescriptions for Viagra and 2 million off-label prescriptions for testosterone in an effort to alleviate FSD. And they have done this despite absolutely no evidence that either one will help a flagging female libido! Not to mention, "as filmmaker Liz Canner shows in her excellent new documentary Orgasm, Inc., testosterone is usually teamed with estrogen, which increases risks for stroke, cancers and dementia." Fantastic! Not only will your non-existent illness not be cured, but you might get a whole new one!

I should pause here to point out that there are doubtless plenty of women who wish their libidos were more active, or who otherwise suffer from something that could rightly be termed "sexual dysfunction." And as someone whose life was changed very much for the better by an ADHD diagnosis, I am wary of making any "It's all a plot by Big Pharma!" arguments that erase people who have real problems supposedly invented by greedy drug manufacturers. Nevertheless, the genuine existence of a disorder doesn't mean that aggressive marketing can't lead to an epidemic of overprescription and — especially when it comes to female sexuality — self-recrimination. And it's no coincidence that "experts" in FSD often have ties to pharmaceutical giants. Increased awareness of Female Sexual Dysfunction might be helpful to some women, but it's important that we're at least equally aware of a far more widespread sickness. As Allen puts it:

The companies and clinics that narrow the range of sexual normality to porn industry standards suffer their own disease. Symptoms include: a compulsion to concoct illnesses and then develop drugs to treat them, and vice versa. Either way, the syndrome is typically accompanied by a rash of conflicts of interest.

Restless Vagina Syndrome [In These Times]

When you get stressed out or freaked out, your blood pressure generally goes up, which, for people with high blood pressure, can be a very bad thing. A 2006 study in Scotland shows that (heterosexual) people who've had recent vaginal intercourse react better to stress than people who had a two week dry spell (including masturbation). Masturbation, oral sex and anal sex improved the body's response to stress, but not by as much as good old vaginal penetrative sex. So, really, having sex is just protecting your heart from damage — not, as some chastity advocates might say, setting yourself up for some damage to it.

In slightly more obvious news, a 2001 study of 10 Germany guys who abstained from sex for three weeks had really intense orgasms when jerking off to porn in a laboratory. Supposedly, it didn't make them come any quicker, but I've broken a couple of guys' dry spells in my time, so I ain't buying that last part in the slightest. But in a bit of news I'm happy to help someone use, scientists are reporting that men that have consistent sex tend to have fewer ED problems as they age than men that don't, as long as they don't orgasm too quickly. Scientists hypothesize that having sustained erections (which tends to happen with intercourse but not masturbation) increase the uptake of oxygen to penile tissue, keeping the peen and all its blood vessels healthier in men that keep getting it on as they get older. So, regular sex: good for everyone! Now if only I could work it out for me in particular.

Sexual Dry Spells Hurt Blood Pressure, Intensify Orgasms [LA Times]
Use It Or Lose It: Yes It's True [LA Times]
Photo via Ehsan Khakbaz

Mindy continues, "These men who paid me thousands of dollars control their worlds. Everyone listens to them. And, at the same time, they are incredibly insecure people. Every man I've had as a regular client went through a period of several months where he just cried — and I still got paid."

Over at the Village Voice, anal sex enthusiast and noted sex writer Tristan Taormino only partially agrees with Mindy. In her "Pucker Up" column, Taormino interviews sex workers rights advocate and journalist Melissa Gira Grant, who says "Some men go to sex workers for closeness and intimacy—they want to cuddle, and that's what they are not getting at home. But for others, it's not emotionally therapeutic at all, it's the same as getting a deep sports massage."

Um, I don't want my boyfriend getting any "deep sports massages!!" Taormino argues that we "need to see sex workers as people performing needed sexual services in our society." Theoretically, I agree with her (and so do many others) — that a consenting adult who wants to sell their sexual services should be allowed to. But in practice prostitution seems like the ultimate in objectification, and most of the women who do it seem to be using it as a last monetary resort, not as a fulfillment of their own kinks. Should sexual healing be one of the benefits covered by your health insurance?

Your Sex Industry Questions Answered [New York Times]
In (Partial) Defense of Eliot Spitzer [Village Voice]

Earlier: Really, Eliot? You Interfaced With This?
Young Beauty Sells Her Body, Breaks Our Hearts
Tristan Taormino: Porn Is As Cerebral As It Is Visceral

Basically, if your clit is close to your vagina (C-V distance), you can come from sex. If not, you're S.O.L. Kim Wallen, a professor of psychology and behavioral neuroendocrinology at Emory University, is the one studying the C-V distance theory, but he isn't the first to notice a correlation. According to the L.A. Times:

In the 1920s, Princess Marie Bonaparte, a French psychoanalyst and close friend of Sigmund Freud, grew fed up with her own lack of orgasmic response. In her professional practice, she saw plenty of patients with the same complaint ("frigidity," in the parlance of the day). She blamed physiology, not psyche. Bonaparte collected C-V and orgasm data from her patients and in 1924 delicately published her observations under a pseudonym. (She also persuaded an Austrian surgeon to experiment on her, by cutting around her clitoris and stretching it closer to her vagina — with disappointing results.)

Female Orgasms And A 'Rule Of Thumb' [Los Angeles Times]

As the clip above shows, Fred had the decency to look vaguely embarrassed and Al Roker seemed to sympathize. In her article, Ms. Oakley admits that she uses "sex as a security blanket" to confirm that she's "attractive and loved." But if a detox was supposed to help her from making everything about sex, didn't it backfire? How is talking about shagging on national TV with a weatherman solving anything? It's cool if you're a frisky kitty, just don't pretend you want to reform. Also: please note the two feet of space between Fred and Colleen on the Today Show couch.

I Swore Off Sex for a Month [Marie Claire]
Related: To Have Better Sex, Give It Up For A Month [NBC News]

Women
Problem: Incontinence or a prolapsed uterus
Treatment: Kegel exercises using weighted barbells, balls, or spring-loaded devices.

Problem: Recovery from Cesarean section
Treatment: Increase blood flow with use of vibrating massager

Problem: Loss of clitoral sensation after hormonal changes from menopause
Treatment: Clitoris pumps or vibrating massager to increase blood flow and feeling

Men
Problem: Prostate disorder
Treatment: Dildo or prostate tickler to massage area and drain built-up fluid

Problem: Erectile dysfunction
Treatment:Penis pump

A Sex Toy A Day Keeps the Doctor Away? [Slate]
Related: A Slide-Show History Of The Vibrator [Slate]