i wouldn't have sex for money, but i think would consider this. my boyfriend has TWO ex-girlfriends who are now working as dominatrixes (sounds like he has a type, huh? no, i am not a dom.) according to them, there's no sexual contact and they make pretty good money. the customers are probably skeevy as hell, but i'd put up with a lot for $200/hr.
@DontFearTheReefer: $200 is the rate an independent would make, somone with an established client base and considerable skills and investment. A novice just getting into it was making about $75-85/session 6 years ago when I was doing it, this was in NYC so it would be less anywhere else I'm sure.
If you want $200/hr or day I'd consider being a stripper before a domme.
I don't know, is a lifestyle service industry a good place to retreat to in a down economy. I mean as people lose their jobs or are concerned about the future they're economizing, does that include the services of dominatrices and other fetish workers?
I tried to get into it once after answering an ad on Craigslist (a but shady, I know). Unfortunately I am about a size 16/18 on my best days and they didn't want any plus-sized ladies. There's gotta be a market for that somewhere, right? Oh well, I doubt I could handle the shoes anyway.
@IBleedGlitter: Gurrrrrl yes there's a market for it...just keep perusing Craigslist. I'm not sure what city you're in but from what I've seen they love big girls coast-to-coast!
@IBleedGlitter: I was just checking Craigslist in my city, and there were probs more ads for "BBWs" than anything else. So if keep lookin', if you're serious about it!
I'm not convinced by Ms Quan's economics. There may be lots of women who need the cash and are interested in branching out into kink, but if the clientele are badly affected by the recession too, who's going to pay for it?
And aren't the new amateurs going to be undercutting the prices of the professionals? Who have the training and the experience?
@bowleserised: It takes over a month to be trained at a house and that's if they're getting a wide variety of clientel. The recession hit the sex industry long before the rest of the world and a dominatrix is a luxury item. I had to get out of the biz- and I worked for a year and a half employed by a dungeon before going freelance.
It's a dangerous matter depending on your fetish to see an amateur for sure. Most guys want to know you have lots of experience, but a lot of them are also cheap :/
@The Artist formerly known as Jezbian.: I read a memoir about working as a domme called Concertina. The sheer imagination, empathy, skill required are damn impressive, let alone the clearing up afterwards stuff.
I've been thinking about this or a phone sex line but I haven't quite figured out a way to break into the field yet. Any tips on how to get started on something like this? Don't own a whip or crazy high heels, but it sounds like it would be a worthwhile investment!
@slightlyhardup: I've joined a forum -- textilicious -- and they put up job leads regularly, and can also give you advice. I'm looking more at the texting side than the PSO since I don't think I can be a PSO with a straight face.
@prestocaro: washed, ready to eat: ok, i'm totally looking into this. i send so many texts anyway my thumbs have practically worn off. thanks for the tip!
@DontFearTheReefer: @slightlyhardup: It's not a ton of money, but it's money. And you do it on your computer, so you don't need a phone or have to share your number with weirdos who want you to bathe in a tub full of semen.
@onwarddouchebagsoldiers: Not as a domme. You can choose to wear whatever you want. If you want to be covered head to toe in a catsuit or be topless, whatevs.
UGh, why why why do people write articles like this?
I have worked as a domme and deciding to become a freelance domme when you have ABSOLUTELY no experience and no clients is as unrealistic as becoming a freelance graphic designer because you think it would be "easy" and own a computer.
I am also so tired of the job being portrayed as foot fetishists and people who like to be spanked. Yes, those people exist, however, the vast majority of the clients want things that require you to be a LOT closer and more involved.
Ever heard of CBT? No, not from the lexus commercials. Cock ball torture, this would involve TOUCHING someones said parts.
Most clients want some sort of dildo play, meaning in their ass. Meaning you clean up any "messes" when the session is over.
The largest request? Sensual domination. Yes, you are still being mean and talking shit to them but all the while running fingernails along their skin, pressing yourself against them etc.
These examples are just the run of the mill client. The REALLY experienced or freaky guys might want to dress like a baby or little girl, want you to burn or pierce them in erotic places, get a golden or brown shower...
Oh, and all of them want to jack off at the end, with you still there.
@Khrushchev: I am definitely laughing out loud. That's usually the reaction people give me when they ask why I just don't get back to "smacking dudes around" and I tell them what the job actually is.
This was just an overview, I didn't even touch the REALLY fucked up shit I saw there....
@Evlsushi: Right? No one has ever asked me...I know quite a few people still involved in the scene.
They don't want to actually tell people what is involved, its much more fun to think of a hot chick in a hat whipping some guy with assless chaps.
There was either an HBO real sex or a documentary about a dungeon in NYC, must have been in the 90s. That was kind of close to showing it how it really is.
@veronykah: Thank you for this! Answered my questions!! (And I had some, after seeing a very cheerful WE special on this!)
Does this sort of thing mess with your head a little once you've left, too? I feel like you might not be able to leave work at work, when you work requires you to deal with people who may have emotional issues or abusive fetishes.
@veronykah: Not to mention the fact that some of the things you are asked to do take some time and training to learn to do safely. You can't just wail on some dude with a flogger and not take into account their internal organs or stick needles in someone without making sure they're sterile, etc. The safety rules of BDSM play are never ending. Definitely not something you can just pick up like a part time job. This article seems pretty irresponsible to me.
@veronykah: What I want to know is assuming that you're down with you've described or at least are able to have a few restrictions on edgeplay, can it be an enjoyable job? Did you enjoy yourself at all, or is it something you wouldn't do in hindsight?
@vulcanized: Oh, I have no regrets at all about doing it. For the most part at the very least it was a HIGHLY entertaining job. Talking shit to "powerful men", making them do ridiculous and embarassing shit, and learning some amazing "kink" skills made it worthwhile for me. I also am a person that is attracted to things on the edge so this is always a fun trump card to pull on anyone. Not that anyone who meets me is ever really surprised though.
@richcreamerybutter@The Artist formerly known as Jezbian.: : You hit it on the head too. I actually went to a studio about a year ago, thinking maybe I would get back into it. I spent an afternoon hanging out and totally remembered many things and decided I wasn't into seeing fat naked old dudes anymore.
@JerseyGrrrl: For me personally, no. I would leave work with other dommes and laugh our asses off at the stupid guys we would see. I think if you have the psyche that would find this traumatizing you probably wouldn't get into it in the first place. That being said there were a few sessions that completely grossed me out and thinking about them years later they still give me the willies.
Does this sort of thing mess with your head a little once you've left, too? I feel like you might not be able to leave work at work, when you work requires you to deal with people who may have emotional issues or abusive fetishes.
Is that something that you would ask a psychologist too? Because it's really not even that extreme.
I don't have any sexy high heels and I'm not going to whip anyone. But if someone has a fetish for an unshowered girl in a hoodie eating a grilled cheese sandwich, I could make a fortune.
@Hazel: Find a dungeon/studio. Check out their website and email them. From my experience, they had me come in for an interview and then come back to start soon after.
If you work in a dungeon, they usually take most girls. It pays to have all kinds. They will teach you what you need to know and you can learn from the other more experienced girls. See my post below for a little crash course in what the job actually involves.
@prestocaro: washed, ready to eat: @JerseyGrrrl: well, find the BDSM scene, learn the code of physical "tells," stock up on tools of the trade, then make yourself available. It helps to find a local matron and get bonded to her dominion and she will apprentice you and help you get clients and keep your work environment clean and safe. Good luck!
@richcreamerybutter: it's hard not to laugh when you're elbow deep in a British man's bum. There should be an Oscar for staying in character during that feat.
My husband joked that I should do this. Maybe it wasn't a joke... I'd probably enjoy it. Also, I am pregant and THAT WOULD BE SOME KINKY SHIT. Also, if I can get a man to pay me AND massage my feet, I'm all over that.
@BrutallyHonestZombies: @TheVaginaWig is Fabulous to the Nth Degree: yeah I heard that about masseuses (same principle) but I think there's a difference between a recession and stress and an all out economic depression (which is where I honestly think we're heading)and mass layoffs and joblessness where people are scraping to eat and pay rent.
@bluebears: That is something that I was thinking as well. Especially if all these freelancers flood the market, and there are fewer clients to go around because the clients have less cash. I do like the idea that women can theoretically earn some extra income in this way. Something I would never think of because I am boring like oatmeal.
@bluebears: Plus if you're into stuff that requires skill and even medical training, would you make the false economy of going to someone with no experience?
@bowleserised: punny! good point about taking the unskilled novice laid off banker over the person with a rolodex full of clients doing this for years.
@The HZA.: I sent the tip in, and according to the article on Daily Beast, it's $200 through an organized sex club. You get 40% of it, the house keeps 60%.
@The HZA.: I quite enjoyed 'Turning Pro' ny Magadalene Meretrix, although I've never done sex work so I have no idea how accurate it is. [www.amazon.com]
@The HZA.: Pure speculation...$100/hr. About half the price of a lap dance and about twice what it costs for a maid. That sounds about right doesn't it?
You could probably go up from there if you get good at it. This is not something I assume a lot of working class poor men spend their money on, so I think there's probably room for negotiation.
Also, bankers/traders totally get the concept of transaction fees so you could also consider charging a la carte - maybe $10/$20 per smack/smush? Plus reimbursement for out-of-pocket expenses for transportation, costumes, props and other costs of "doing business". As it were.
Sexytimes are exactly as meaningful as they are to the people involved, and no more. If strapping it on for money is nothing more than quick cash to you, than it is NOTHING MORE than quick cash.
Plus, this seems on the whole less risky than more traditionally penetrative sex work, no?
@missteenwordpower: You have to be careful, though - in some states, object penetration is considered sex. Pegging is all good and well, but you don't want to end up in the clink.
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If you want $200/hr or day I'd consider being a stripper before a domme.
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What kind of start-up and maintenance costs does being a domme have? Does one speculate to accumulate?
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And aren't the new amateurs going to be undercutting the prices of the professionals? Who have the training and the experience?
02/03/09
It's a dangerous matter depending on your fetish to see an amateur for sure. Most guys want to know you have lots of experience, but a lot of them are also cheap :/
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Usually depends on the client.
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I have worked as a domme and deciding to become a freelance domme when you have ABSOLUTELY no experience and no clients is as unrealistic as becoming a freelance graphic designer because you think it would be "easy" and own a computer.
I am also so tired of the job being portrayed as foot fetishists and people who like to be spanked. Yes, those people exist, however, the vast majority of the clients want things that require you to be a LOT closer and more involved.
Ever heard of CBT? No, not from the lexus commercials. Cock ball torture, this would involve TOUCHING someones said parts.
Most clients want some sort of dildo play, meaning in their ass. Meaning you clean up any "messes" when the session is over.
The largest request? Sensual domination. Yes, you are still being mean and talking shit to them but all the while running fingernails along their skin, pressing yourself against them etc.
These examples are just the run of the mill client. The REALLY experienced or freaky guys might want to dress like a baby or little girl, want you to burn or pierce them in erotic places, get a golden or brown shower...
Oh, and all of them want to jack off at the end, with you still there.
Still sound like "easy" fun freelance work?
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This was just an overview, I didn't even touch the REALLY fucked up shit I saw there....
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Could you have just written the article instead?
02/03/09
They don't want to actually tell people what is involved, its much more fun to think of a hot chick in a hat whipping some guy with assless chaps.
There was either an HBO real sex or a documentary about a dungeon in NYC, must have been in the 90s. That was kind of close to showing it how it really is.
Wish i knew the name.
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Does this sort of thing mess with your head a little once you've left, too? I feel like you might not be able to leave work at work, when you work requires you to deal with people who may have emotional issues or abusive fetishes.
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@richcreamerybutter@The Artist formerly known as Jezbian.: : You hit it on the head too. I actually went to a studio about a year ago, thinking maybe I would get back into it. I spent an afternoon hanging out and totally remembered many things and decided I wasn't into seeing fat naked old dudes anymore.
@JerseyGrrrl: For me personally, no. I would leave work with other dommes and laugh our asses off at the stupid guys we would see. I think if you have the psyche that would find this traumatizing you probably wouldn't get into it in the first place. That being said there were a few sessions that completely grossed me out and thinking about them years later they still give me the willies.
02/03/09
If I could just do that and foot and leg worship I'd be a domme today.
02/03/09
Does this sort of thing mess with your head a little once you've left, too? I feel like you might not be able to leave work at work, when you work requires you to deal with people who may have emotional issues or abusive fetishes.
Is that something that you would ask a psychologist too? Because it's really not even that extreme.
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how do i start?
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If you work in a dungeon, they usually take most girls. It pays to have all kinds. They will teach you what you need to know and you can learn from the other more experienced girls. See my post below for a little crash course in what the job actually involves.
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I also refuse to do piercings.
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I wouldn't go into it now.
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Any tips Jezzies? What's the going rate for smacking a dude around?
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You could probably go up from there if you get good at it. This is not something I assume a lot of working class poor men spend their money on, so I think there's probably room for negotiation.
Also, bankers/traders totally get the concept of transaction fees so you could also consider charging a la carte - maybe $10/$20 per smack/smush? Plus reimbursement for out-of-pocket expenses for transportation, costumes, props and other costs of "doing business". As it were.
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Plus, this seems on the whole less risky than more traditionally penetrative sex work, no?
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