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New York, 3:41 AM
Wed Nov 25
57 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of BytheSea BytheSea
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    I've heard so many kids online say they don't use condoms in a monogamous relationship (teenagers, high school, how long can that relationship be?) and you can't get anything serious if its just lesbians. It's like it's the 80s and no one important has died of AIDS yet and the quilt hasn't toured the country and we didn't all wear the little red ribbons. I feel ike 20 years of history was for nothing.

    We all said we'd teach the younger generation to play safe and this terrible disease would be stomped out, but we really just taught each other. Now these fucking kids think we're just uptight old people who won't let them have any latex-free "fun." Every single one of you shits should have to play your video games with a avatar covered in pustulating herpes boils!!! #chlamydia
     Reply
    BytheSea was starred BytheSea was unstarred
    Image of Flackette Goes Retro Flackette Goes Retro
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    I really, really think that condom use has everything to do with healthy relationships in general. The only man who has ever tried to dissuade me from using condoms was also a bully in general. The men with whom I have had open, respectful relationships have been totally fine with condom use, and have made sure to have a supply on hand when the relationship got serious. Similarly, the only time I had sex without condoms against my better judgment was because I was young and didn't know how to stand up for myself on the matter. I was swayed by a boyfriend who claimed that using condoms meant I "didn't trust him", even though he admitted he hadn't been tested recently. Now, at the doddering old age of 30, my boyfriend and I actually, y'know, communicate about these things. We used condoms at first, shared testing results, and now don't use them except when my birth control may have been compromised. It's all about general respect for each other, and comfort in talking about sex and contraception. I'm afraid the young people who skip condom use do so because they don't know HOW to talk about the issue. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Flackette Goes Retro was starred Flackette Goes Retro was unstarred
    Image of Scout Scout
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    I contracted genital herpes because I thought dental dams were not sexy....you know what else it not sexy?
    having genital herpes. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Scout was starred Scout was unstarred
    Image of Dictator for Life Dictator for Life
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    I've had some pretty serious depression and other mental health issues in my life, and a lot of it has manifested in desperately wanting a guy to pay attention to me. This has resulted in a couple of 6-month long benders involving lots of unprotected sex with near-strangers. With all of them, I asked them to wear a condom, and they did the first time, but convinced me not to the second time and beyond. I was in a bad state, and I let myself be taken advantage of, even though I knew better. It's been years since these incidents, and I did get HPV, but luckily nothing worse, but I still get so scared that I have something that hasn't manifested itself. I don't know what kind of education would have helped me assert myself in those situations. I was seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist at the time. I think the guys themselves maybe needed some education to teach them that (a) they can get STDs from girls, and (b) they shouldn't take advantage of girls like that. When I've been in relationships with guys who respected me, they've never had a problem wearing condoms. Only the ones who treated all women generally like sub-humans refused. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Dictator for Life was starred Dictator for Life was unstarred
    Image of Grim Reaper of the Forest Grim Reaper of the Forest
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    I had decent but forgettable sex ed in junior high and high school, but probably the most informative sex ed I got was through my church youth group. Of course, I went to a liberal Northeast church.

    I also agree that actually using condoms is less about sex-ed, and more about feeling comfortable enough to stand up for yourself and having access to condoms and other forms of birth control when needed. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Grim Reaper of the Forest was starred Grim Reaper of the Forest was unstarred
    Image of Alohamaid Alohamaid
    11/16/09

    @Grim Reaper of the Forest: True that, any man who doesn't put on a condom and HAVE condoms when sexing you hasn't thought enough about your or your safety to gain entree into the holiest of holies. #chlamydia
     Reply
    wtfox?! promoted this comment Alohamaid was starred Alohamaid was unstarred
    Image of Evie Havok Evie Havok
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    People need a healthy dose of fear instilled in them against HIV/AIDS and other STDs. Don't people realize that things like HIV/AIDs are lifelong, painful and come with debilitating symptoms? Isn't it just common sense that if you don't use a condom you might just get something from the other person? Even if abstinence-only sex education wasn't taught there would still be some assholes out there who wouldn't use condoms. They woud still use the same excuses : "I don't like the feeling!" ; "I'm clean"; "Don't you trust me?" ; etc, etc. I know I'm not the only who has noticed a whole lot of people not taking AIDS/HIV and the other STDs seriously. I'm including so-called informed and educated people in here, too. There's so many of them who don't use condoms even though they know the risks of unprotected sex. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Evie Havok was starred Evie Havok was unstarred
    Image of dirtybee dirtybee
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    To this day, my grandmother tells all of her grandchildren to "have fun but be careful". She is a Catholic and a Republican, but is very open-minded about birth control. I love her.
    #whymygrannyrules #chlamydia
     Reply
    dirtybee was starred dirtybee was unstarred
    Image of pantsless economist...access RESTORED pantsless economist...access RESTORED
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    I'd also blame the stigmatization of STDs--people are so embarrassed that they won't tell a partner that they have a disease, or they won't get tested because they're afraid of seeing the results, and unknowingly spread a disease onto a partner.

    If we could just think of STDs the same way we think of strep throat or the flu, rather than stigmatizing those who have an STD as slutty or dirty, I think we'd be a lot better off. #chlamydia
     Reply
    pantsless economist...access RESTORED was starred pantsless economist...access RESTORED was unstarred
    Image of morninggloria morninggloria
    11/16/09

    @pantsless economist...access RESTORED: You sound whorish. #chlamydia
     Reply
    morninggloria was starred morninggloria was unstarred
    Image of LexiD523 LexiD523
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    It's not just that kids aren't being taught about condoms and such, it's also that they're also not being taught about the symptoms/lack thereof of many STDs. 75% of women and 50% of men with chlamydia are asymptomatic. About half of all cases of gonorrhea are also asymptomatic. Some people carry the herpes virus their whole lives and never have an outbreak, but they can still "shed" the virus and pass it on. HIV doesn't start to show symptoms for 1-3 months.

    And so, because people don't see symptoms, they think they're disease-free, they have unprotected sex, and then don't get tested. I'd also point the blame towards the Religious Right preventing high schools from, not just handing out condoms, but from offering testing as well. And, naturally, lack of health insurance prevents the poor from going to the doctor at all, where any PCP would probably suggest testing at an annual physical.

    A sad situation all around. #chlamydia
     Reply
    HarpMadness promoted this comment LexiD523 was starred LexiD523 was unstarred
    Image of maude_flanders maude_flanders
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    They published similar articles one, two years in a row, similar breakdown.

    I think abstinence-only is a fucking crime and it makes me want to set things on fire, but I have to wonder if that's really the main thing to blame. The simple absence of a real, comprehensive, medically accurate sex ed class is neglect, the presence of abstinence-only is a crime, but at this point I'd wonder what the educational, religious, socioeconomic, citizenship-related and geographical breakdown of this is, and whether ever tract of new cases is correlated with classrooms that include abstinence-only.

    Speaking of things I'd like to see in sex ed...a discussion of rape for both boys and girls, and a discussion of the costliness/demands of having a child (so use a condom, and do anything else you need to do to postpone pregnancy).

    Has anyone ever gotten a sex ed class that brought up sexual assault to BOTH genders? It was something discussed on my first day of college orientation....it addressed both a girl who got drunk and regretted her decision and the guy who didn't know that someone can't technically consent if they're drunk (I GUESS that's sort of a demand for men not to rape.) But it was in college. College, not middle school, not high school, college. In a private university.

    Has anyone ever been in a high school class where they and another student had to take care of an egg or a doll or something? (Damn...that's a home ec class, not a sex-ed class.) Did it accomplish anything? #chlamydia
     Reply
    maude_flanders was starred maude_flanders was unstarred
    Image of Tchotchke Tchotchke
    11/16/09

    @maude_flanders: In my eighth grade class we had "cup babies." Both boys and girls had one and our task was to carry them with us everywhere we went for a month. Your grade at the end of the project was determined by how well you took care of it. Therefore, a cup with cracks or a lost cup meant a lower grade. Similarly, if you left it unattended, all the teachers and students were supposed to report you as a negligent parent.

    I'm not sure if it taught us too much about actually having children, with regard to sex, but the results were actually very interesting. In my class, the boys were better parents than the girls. (Meaning, fewer cup babies were lost, cracked, or left unattended.) I think the point of the project was to demonstrate that it's incredibly difficult to be responsible for the welfare of another being, and also that the people you would stereotypically associate with being good parents (aka girls), are not necessarily the ones who will succeed in this endeavor. It was an eye-opening project in terms of gender stereotypes.

    As far as sex ed and sexual assault: I was lucky in that I was a student at a public school, but one with very progressive ideas about sexual education. We were encouraged to ask any (and I mean *any*) question we had about sex and any information we received about date rape and sexual assault was presented in a non-gender-specific manner. Though, it should be noted that my sex ed teacher through all of high school was in her early thirties, her husband was an SVU detective, and she was incredible about creating a comfortable, open classroom environment.

    With respect to your doubts about abstinence-only education's culpability in this study's findings: I suspect that it is a large factor, but I think you're right that there is something else at play that hasn't been discovered. I have a few friends who have contracted STDs and it was not for lack of knowledge about contraception and STD prevention. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Tchotchke was starred Tchotchke was unstarred
    Image of Triana Orpheus Triana Orpheus
    11/16/09

    @maude_flanders: I did. Again, the high school that I went to wasn't the best, but I got comprehensive sex education (even though my teacher was mad uncomfortable). I was taught about sexual assualt and domestic violence. Which makes it a damn shame that when I reported to my teacher that another student was abusing his girlfriend he simply shrugged. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Triana Orpheus was starred Triana Orpheus was unstarred
    Image of KittyKittyCat KittyKittyCat
    11/16/09

    @maude_flanders: I went to school in TX. They're still telling us that if we're good little girls and wait until marriage, God will give us a huge diamond ring and lots of babies. Babies come from sex?!?! #chlamydia
     Reply
    KittyKittyCat was starred KittyKittyCat was unstarred
    Image of JulieSunday JulieSunday
    11/16/09

    @maude_flanders: as a sex ed pro who has published research on effective programs, the sad fact is that it really doesn't f-ing matter what kids are taught in school if they don't have access to reproductive healthcare services. one of the reasons pregnancy and std rates are so insanely low in western europe is because a) they have universal health care and b) many schools have clinics that actually provide services teenagers need, like birth control. so even comprehensive sex ed, which is obviously better (and not, you know, violating their human right to accurate health information) will not solve our epidemic teen pregnancy and std rates if kids don't have access to the services they need. so if you know any teenagers, tell them you'll take them to planned parenthood if they need to get birth control without their parents finding out. #chlamydia
     Reply
    maude_flanders promoted this comment JulieSunday was starred JulieSunday was unstarred
    Image of maude_flanders maude_flanders
    11/16/09

    @JulieSunday: tell them you'll take them to planned parenthood if they need to get birth control without their parents finding out."

    God....it makes me beyond sad that if you mention Planned Parenthood to anyone but the relative handful of women who hear the word "feminism" and do not cringe, as if they've just been tainted by association with the fat baby-hating/man-hating lesbians who want to ruin it for women everywhere....most people hear "Planned Parenthood" or "family planning" and reflexively think "abortion, abortion, abortion."

    Not sexual health or women's health. Not birth control. Abortion.

    I did a study on college students from ages 18-22 before I graduated myself. It was disturbing how manyI talked to who knew about both contraception AND abortion, and despite having sought abortions in the past and feeling uncomfortable with the thought of getting another one, they had not changed their sexual behavior and weren't using condoms or any other form of birth control.

    I will throw a party when religion-as-an-excuse-for-ignorance is erased from law, medicine and the classrooms, but at the same time....I almost feel as if these studies are an excuse for swaths of people to be unaccountable for their sexual activity. There is something else at work here. I want ignorant, hateful byproducts like abstinence-only or collective shrugging in the face of people like Scott Roeder of the half-assed separation between church and state to be condemned, and part of me thinks, "Let these studies be emblazoned on billboards. Don't dilute the foundation of outrage."

    The other part of me thinks it's ignoring something else at work....something disappointing. Something that happens despite the absence of barriers like medical misinformation or religious fearmongering. A real sex-ed class probably wouldn't be a cure-all. I guess, realistically, we'll can't know how much better we COULD be doing, because we're still heading backwards into government-funded stupidity.

    Ignorance exists alongside a culture of complacency, inability to plan ahead, and discomfort with actual discussion of what members of a couple should do to avoid the unwanted consequences--having kids before you're ready, condoms, birth control, getting tested, etc. That seems to affect people of all ages.

    I could imagine working for Planned Parenthood or another pro-choice, pro-contraception organization, but a large (cowardly) part of me wonders what that would look like later on when I applied for jobs...having NARAL or another potential red "feminazi/baby-eater" flag on my resume, even if I stayed within the field of non-religious affiliated social services.

    How can this country be at least SOMEWHAT accepting of contraception and so ignorant about it's foes and the people who are ultimately working to keep their teenagers from getting knocked up or finding out they've left a case of syphilis untreated for six months? #chlamydia
     Reply
    maude_flanders was starred maude_flanders was unstarred
    Image of Cerridwen Cerridwen
    11/16/09

    @maude_flanders: I had a pretty comprehensive sex education in high school and we touched on intimate-partner violence and abusive relationships (as well as talking about mental illness and suicide). But we never talked openly about sexual assault. I remember talking about "inappropriate touching" and such when I was much younger (elementary school years) but no discussion of rape in high school. It was the one thing sorely missing from the otherwise quite in-depth curriculum.

    The thing that got me about sex-ed in high school, though, was that it wasn't mandatory. It was part of a larger course called Career and Personal Planning (CAPP). We covered a bunch of other topics, like financial planning and preparing for post-secondary training and our future careers. We were asked, if I recall correctly, at the beginning of the year by our teacher what we wanted to cover that year in the course and we could choose certain topics. The class I was in chose the sex education topic mostly because the guys in the class acted all immature like "Hehe, let's do the sex class!" (little did they know it would be less sexytime and more...clinical discussions of STI's and prophylactics and unplanned pregnancies). I really feel like this topic should absolutely be a mandatory part of a high school education. Young people have the right to a comprehensive education and this information will hold them in as good stead as learning how to invest wisely and pick a university. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Cerridwen was starred Cerridwen was unstarred
    Image of maude_flanders maude_flanders
    11/16/09

    @Cerridwen: I wish it was mandatory too, but I like that it was related to LIFE planning. That's how it should be.

    I cannot imagine a time when we'll have a class that discusses rape, sexual assault or harassment in depth, something that counsels what it looks like, NOT to do it, and that there's nothing to be ashamed of if you're victimized (guy, girl, whatever). I won't forget the post on Jezebel about guys being educated not to rape, and interviewees who balked--"No shit. We know what rape is, and not to do it."

    It should SHOCK people, but given the ongoing prevalence of rape, under all different circumstances and relationships...apparently, it doesn't shock a substantial portion very much at all. #chlamydia
     Reply
    maude_flanders was starred maude_flanders was unstarred
    Image of Cerridwen Cerridwen
    11/16/09

    @maude_flanders: Yeah, my school got some things right and not others. For example, we got free condom/lube packs at school. But the vice-principal ended up making the CAPP teacher go through all the packets and remove the instructions because they contained a section on how to make a dental dam that had illustrative instructions and oral-sex-with-a-dental-dam tips. The VP thought the instructions were "inappropriate." Unfortunately, it meant that a bunch of kids were being given condoms with no instruction on how to use them and being denied useful information that could limit the spread of some STIs.

    As for the discussion of sexual assault, I think the thing is, a lot of people don't know what rape is, even women who have been raped themselves or men who have raped. Because we still conceptualize it as a scary man jumping out from the shadows. I would really like to see open, honest discussions of sexual boundaries and how not to violate them. I am willing to bet there are a lot of young men out there who do not understand the subtleties of consent and should be educated to understand that, for example, consent is not meaningful when the person is deeply intoxicated. Sure, those men are not going to wait in an alley with a knife to take a woman down. But they might very well force themselves on someone after a night of partying because they have not been taught how to respect that other person's boundaries and that they are not entitled to sex and women's bodies. I think adding something like that to sex ed can only help in deconstructing rape culture. Sadly, I think we are damn long way away from seeing it implemented in schools. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Cerridwen was starred Cerridwen was unstarred
    Image of morninggloria morninggloria
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    ... but if we all have herpes, it's sort of like no one has herpes. #chlamydia
     Reply
    morninggloria was starred morninggloria was unstarred
    Image of bluebears bluebears
    11/16/09

    @morninggloria: deep. #chlamydia
     Reply
    bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred
    Image of Snowbunny Snowbunny
    11/16/09

    @morninggloria: Tres deep. Ennui. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Snowbunny was starred Snowbunny was unstarred
    Image of o-line o-line
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    These have been going up for awhile, especially in less affluent cities. There were some really funny stickers in the gay bars here in KC reminding folks "Don't take 'Phil' home with you." #chlamydia
     Reply
    o-line was starred o-line was unstarred
    Image of sumerfish sumerfish
    11/16/09

    @o-line: But, what/who is Phil? I'm so confused. #chlamydia
     Reply
    o-line promoted this comment sumerfish was starred sumerfish was unstarred
    Image of o-line o-line
    11/16/09

    @sumerfish: SyPHILis #chlamydia
     Reply
    o-line was starred o-line was unstarred
    Image of kontrolle kontrolle
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    Fuck abstinence only. #chlamydia
     Reply
    NellMood promoted this comment kontrolle was starred kontrolle was unstarred
    Image of midwestdesigner midwestdesigner
    11/16/09

    @kontrolle: but safely, with a condom, so the ignorance doesn't spread. #chlamydia
     Reply
    BabyJane promoted this comment midwestdesigner was starred midwestdesigner was unstarred
    Image of NellMood NellMood
    11/16/09

    @kontrolle: Use a condom! #chlamydia
     Reply
    NellMood was starred NellMood was unstarred
    Image of Mireille is German for the Bart, the. Mireille is German for the Bart, the.
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    I blame comprehensive sex education. If we didn't teach children about penises and vaginae (vaginas is showing as a misspelling?), they would never figure out how sex works or ever develop an interest in it! It's been proven throughout history, if you ignore the stuff I don't want you to see! Game, set, match. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Lymed promoted this comment Mireille is German for the Bart, the. was starred Mireille is German for the Bart, the. was unstarred
    Image of Lymed Lymed
    11/16/09

    @Mireille is German for the Bart, the.: that is because the Jezebel spell check only recognizes Vajayjays. #chlamydia
     Reply
    Lymed was starred Lymed was unstarred
    Image of NellMood NellMood
    11/16/09

    In reply to Spreading The Love
    While it's horrifying that so many kids were taught abstinence-only for years and years, it's such a relief to see it being called out as failure in so many different ways. #chlamydia
     Reply
    NellMood was starred NellMood was unstarred
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