sexadvice - Jezebel

posts about #sexadvice more →
Savage To Take Chastity Belts To TV?
"This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
Save An Ailing Romance With Waxed Pubes & Unsolicited Fondling
Does Cutting Your Hair Mean You Don't Want Sex?
Queefs: What's The Etiquette For Dealing With Air Up There?
'Rock of Love' Girls Talk About Sex, Sausage
Dear Jezebel: Thanks For Telling Me About That Plan B Stuff. Think I'm Pregnant?
'Maxim' Reader Hits Bottom, Alexyss Tylor Blames Forced Servitude

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

sarrible
08/24/09

In reply to Savage To Take Chastity Belts To TV?
I would watch the shit out of that show.
Reply

sarrible was starred sarrible was unstarred

OneTwoPunch
08/24/09

In reply to Savage To Take Chastity Belts To TV?
"Straight" answers?! Ha! Dan Savage has been a columnist in the Voice, for, shit, 20 years, and we all know he ain't talking to no exclusively hetero audience.

I smell Marketing Fears all over the subtitle copy.
Reply

Ipomoea is a joyful girl promoted this comment Edited by OneTwoPunch at 08/24/09 3:57 PM OneTwoPunch was starred OneTwoPunch was unstarred

Ipomoea
08/24/09

@OneTwoPunch: Considering that book came out 12 years ago, you're probably right.
Reply

Ipomoea was starred Ipomoea was unstarred

bluebears
08/24/09

In reply to Savage To Take Chastity Belts To TV?
I'd be interested to hear peoples take on Dan Savage. I have to say, I do not care for him. His most recent comment about the Pitt. shooter just needing to get laid, sort of sealed the deal for me.
Reply

bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

BeckySharper
08/24/09

@bluebears: I have moments where I think he goes too far--like that one.

But his advice strikes me as extremely practical and non-judgemental--he knows what makes people tick sexually and he doesn't sugar-coat the reality of it. I also like that he never moralizes to people about their fetishes or kinks (provided everyone is a consenting adult).
Reply

BeckySharper was starred BeckySharper was unstarred

valhalla_i_am_coming
08/24/09

@bluebears: Generally speaking, his sexual advice is sound and, as BeckySharper points out, non-judgemental...but he definitely has a thing about anyone who's overweight (fat = GROSS, to him) which bugs me...and for a public figure, he sometimes doesn't have a filter between what he's thinking and what he's saying.
Reply

NefariousNewt promoted this comment

Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
08/24/09

@bluebears: I thought that was incredibly stupid and it seemed like Savage wanted to make some point and just tied it to that story out of convenience. However, I was much more outraged before I actually read Savage's column (rather than the quote about prostitution).

I love him, overall. He's not perfect, and I don't always agree with him, but he's always entertaining. And occasionally he'll apologize for previous advice.
Reply

Pizza!Pizza!Pizza! was starred

Yahtzii
08/24/09

@BeckySharper: I agree. I think he's sort of an asshole, which he would be the first to admit, and I have learned SO MUCH by listening to his podcast. I appreciate that he's willing to call people on their narcissistic bullshit while still being open and non-judgmental about just about any kink or fetish that exists. He is also obsessed with a future in which everyone will have their own sex robot, and it's hard to fault that.
Reply

Edited by Yahtzii at 08/24/09 2:44 PM Yahtzii was starred Yahtzii was unstarred

NefariousNewt
08/24/09

@valhalla_i_am_coming: In other words, he can get his Glenn Beck on sometimes.
Reply

NefariousNewt was starred NefariousNewt was unstarred

CourtleyLove
08/24/09

@bluebears: I also don't agree with everything Savage writes, but I'm not sure that's a fair summary of what he said about that murderer. I think his main point was that men who were celibate (not by choice) for long periods of time, and who recognized that they were getting angry / bitter / resentful about it, should seek help sooner rather than later. He recommended seeing sex workers as well as maybe psychiatrists - not sure how I feel about that, but there you go.
Reply

Yahtzii promoted this comment Edited by CourtleyLove at 08/24/09 2:47 PM CourtleyLove was starred CourtleyLove was unstarred

bluebears
08/24/09

@all: I hear what you're saying and I tend to agree about his advice in sexual matters. Its when he sort of wades into the political that he starts to put me off. Another example was his comments immediately following the election about African American voters being intolerant of gay people.
Reply

bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

NefariousNewt
08/24/09

@bluebears: On the one hand, he certainly does a lot to "demystify" human sexuality, fantasy, and fetish. On the other, he can be hyperbolic, hypocritical, and disconcertingly abrasive.
Reply

NefariousNewt was starred NefariousNewt was unstarred

Yahtzii
08/24/09

@NefariousNewt: I will take his hyperbolic, hypocritical, abrasive, and stoned cookie-eating-in-the-microphone ass over Dear Abby's namby pamby bullshit any day. I'd rather have someone who's an asshole all of the time than an advice columnist who is terrified of offending anybody.
Reply

Edited by Yahtzii at 08/24/09 2:50 PM Yahtzii was starred Yahtzii was unstarred

bluebears
08/24/09

@CourtleyLove: Yeah, I def. oversimplified it. It just immediately pissed me off. I don't think seeing a sex worker is good advice at all for a person like the Pitt shooter. Psychiatric help? yes. Also I think Savage does his own oversimplifying there by proposing that a visit to a sex worker would alleviate these problems.
Reply

bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

NefariousNewt
08/24/09

@Yahtzii: Well, anybody who wants sex advice is probably not going to seek it in Dear Abby -- at least, I would hope not! I just think that occasionally he tries to bash people's brains in with his advice, and I don't think that's necessary, given most people are probably embarrassed to some degree to be asking these questions in the first place.
Reply

NefariousNewt was starred NefariousNewt was unstarred

ihateyourescalade
08/24/09

@bluebears: I actually can't stand him.
Reply

ihateyourescalade was starred

ihateyourescalade
08/24/09

@Yahtzii: Those are the options?
Reply

ihateyourescalade was starred

NefariousNewt
08/24/09

@bluebears: That's the odd part of his advice: he can be very sensitive to people's various fetishes, but make sweeping generalizations about people in other areas.
Reply

NefariousNewt was starred NefariousNewt was unstarred

bluebears
08/24/09

@NefariousNewt: this is why he turns me off. Like you pointed out he can be a hypocrite. He is very accepting of some things and, to my mind, very narrow minded about others.
Reply

bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

valhalla_i_am_coming
08/24/09

@NefariousNewt: I am happy to say I've never seen Mr. Beck...although it appears his show it *almost* commercial-free by now...bonus!!
Reply

Yahtzii
08/24/09

@NefariousNewt: No, but they do ask her for relationship advice. Savage isn't just sex, and I like that he's willing to tell someone to DTMFA. Whenever I've heard him beating people over the head with his advice, they usually deserve it. I've also heard him be very gentle and encouraging with someone struggling with a difficult relationship issue or an embarrassing personal problem.
Reply

Yahtzii was starred Yahtzii was unstarred

Penny
08/24/09

@bluebears: I don't actually know much about him, just that I was really touched by his piece on TAL when he talked about his sexuality and religion. I didn't like what he had to say about the shooter either....at all.
Reply

Penny was starred Penny was unstarred

Plum-Pie
08/24/09

I think he's an arsehole who's mostly very good at his job. His advice recently to a mother with a 14year old gay son was excellent.

@valhalla_i_am_coming: In his book 'The Kid' (about adopting his son), he talks about how lots of people in his family are overweight and he jokes it will happen to him when he gets older.
Reply

Plum-Pie was starred Plum-Pie was unstarred

bluebears
08/24/09

@Penny: Yeah, I am usually very touched by his pieces on TAL, which was how I came to read his column to begin with. I know that he's said that a lot of the column is tongue in cheek for entertainment purposes and thats fine, but he often uses it as a political forum and I think he needs to almost use another "voice" (if that makes sense) when he talks about those issues. His more serious TAL voice, if you will.
Reply

bluebears was starred bluebears was unstarred

birminghamdrunk
08/24/09

@ihateyourescalade: blarg. yes those are the only options in the world. there are absolutely no other advice columnists at all. why must you be so obtuse? /rhetorical
Reply

Edited by birminghamdrunk at 08/24/09 3:23 PM birminghamdrunk was starred birminghamdrunk was unstarred

casi nadie (loves MCC forever)
08/24/09

@bluebears: I like Savage. His column and his blog stray a little harsh, but if you've ever listened to the podcast, he can be incredibly sensitive and non-judgmental. I'm excited to see what he does with the show.
Reply

casi nadie (loves MCC forever)
08/24/09

@bluebears: I think that his point was less that the Pitt shooter needed to see a sex worker - I read it as more that the judgmental nature of society towards sex work contributes to a culture where it seems that men are somehow owed sex by women.
Reply

Ipomoea
08/24/09

@bluebears: I fucking love Savage. He has been a consistent source of no-bullshit sex advice for me since the early 90s, when I was just a dumb kid. He definitely isn't perfectly PC, but he is refreshingly honest and knows how to get peoples' attention.

I think his take on the Pitt. shooting is interesting, but if you read Slog (the Stranger's blog), he absolutely blasted the guys who perpetrate this "you deserve to fuck a young hot woman and if they don't get you, it's THEIR fault" theories. He put a lot of the blame on them, but I think the column focused a little too much on the idea that if he'd seen a sex worker (and he freely said he wouldn't want this guy to see any of his sex worker friends), he might not have shot up a room of women.

(Disclaimer: he lives near me, I've bet him a few times, so I'm pretty biased.)
Reply

Ipomoea was starred Ipomoea was unstarred

bananaballs
08/24/09

In reply to Savage To Take Chastity Belts To TV?
For some reason it sounds like it would be a more subversive "Loveline." I like it.
Reply

bananaballs was starred bananaballs was unstarred

FurrierAndIves
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
Hold up your hand if you don't know the literal translation of

"cul de sac".
Reply

FurrierAndIves was starred FurrierAndIves was unstarred

Breamworthy
07/08/09

@FurrierAndIves: I never really thought about it before, but I guess the literal meaning is "bottom of a bag". I don't know whether that's any weirder than "dead end" or not.
Reply

Breamworthy was starred Breamworthy was unstarred

labeled
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
Most important question, answered;

No, unless you have crabs/lice, you are not going to catch or spread anything from your brush.
Reply

labeled was starred labeled was unstarred

FurrierAndIves
07/08/09

@labeled: How about dandruff?
Reply

FurrierAndIves was starred FurrierAndIves was unstarred

labeled
07/08/09

@FurrierAndIves: YK, in all seriousness, I guess we could mention that hairspray residue might irritate the cooter.
Reply

labeled was starred labeled was unstarred

The Queen of No
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
It definitely sounds to me that the second person has Vaginismus caused by her rape dream; it could create a real fear of penetration.
Reply

The Queen of No was starred The Queen of No was unstarred

hkcd
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
Reminds me of an excellent advertisement.

Don't touch other people's cucumbers or you will get syphilis and you WILL DIE.
Reply

hkcd was starred hkcd was unstarred

tonightineed is actually Mrs. Ziegler-Spock
07/08/09

@hkcd: I love this one!
Reply

dancerevolution
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
"Craigslist has been helpful?" What?!
Reply

dancerevolution was starred dancerevolution was unstarred

nessalicious
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
I keep thinking of someone busting in like "I NEED TO USE YOUR HAIRBRUSH NO. YOU CANNOT SAY NO. IT IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH." and poor Kate being like "Um... ok!"
Reply

nessalicious was starred nessalicious was unstarred

tonightineed is actually Mrs. Ziegler-Spock
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
Oh, the hairbrush days. Getting ready to throw out a brush I never used, pausing, and glorious months afterward of my little secret. It was a pain, though. I had condoms from a late-night trip to the grocery store for the amusement of best friend and her boyfriend on my birthday (we were quite the platonic trio) and I used all of them up on this brush because it wasn't a great candidate for easy cleaning.

As for the hymen issues, I second "go see an OBGYN". My best friend had to have surgery to deal with her hymen because of similar issues and she's doing well now. In the above case, however, psychological issues seem to be equally at play, and I imagine those need dealing with also.
Reply

DangerMouse
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
LaV: They have a dilator for sale on goodvibes.com if you decide to go that route.
Reply

DangerMouse was starred DangerMouse was unstarred

inabook
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
...people share hairbrushes all the time. Now I am alarmed at the places my friends hair brushes may have been!
Reply

inabook was starred inabook was unstarred

Skellatrix
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
I've had vibes before, but now I am wondering about my battery-op toothbrush... The handle is all nice and rubber-grippy!
Reply

Skellatrix was starred Skellatrix was unstarred

Ailatan
07/08/09

@Skellatrix: I've just posted up thread, one of my friends is very pleased with her toothbrush, she freaks out if the batteries are not charged.
Reply

Ailatan was starred Ailatan was unstarred

RhymePhile
07/08/09

In reply to "This Is Probably A Really Stupid Question"
Dear Kate:

Go to Amazon or the bookstore of your choice and buy Betty Dodson's "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving." It's fantastically educational.

Then, go to the supermarket and look for some nice size carrots or green squash. Just don't make a salad afterward.
Reply

RhymePhile was starred RhymePhile was unstarred

The Nose
07/08/09

@RhymePhile: My mom cannot buy cucumbers without cracking a joke about dildos. Happens every damn time.

I would wonder about this but for the fact that I really don't want to wonder about this.
Reply

The Nose was starred The Nose was unstarred

Uncommon Whore
07/08/09

@The Nose: I once chopped up and ate a zucchini after dildifying it. I washed it first, of course.

It was pretty tasty.
Reply

Uncommon Whore was starred Uncommon Whore was unstarred

Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
07/08/09

@RhymePhile: I work in a grocery store, and I can't help but chuckle mentally every time someone buys a cucumber, especially a hothouse cucumber, which are long, narrow and come prepackaged in plastic.
Reply

labeled
07/08/09

@Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.: Which is why I feel uncomfortable every time I buy cukes. Especially bad when it's a bad batch - some are wrinkly, or soft, and you have to find a good one.

Shame + projection = labeled.
Reply

labeled was starred labeled was unstarred

queenieinmanhattan
07/08/09

@Uncommon Whore: Waste not, want not!
Reply

queenieinmanhattan was starred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment