Cutler's fiancé, Charles Rubio, is a 28-year-old New York lawyer that Cutler told Gawker she met in a bar last March. I think we can all assume that Rubio has basic reading and Google skills and — having known Cutler for the last 9 months or so — a pretty good idea of what she's done, who she is and why he wants to spend his life with her. Why is is so improbable that a woman who enjoys sex, has had multiple partners, has written about it and who has had heaped upon her humiliation, public opprobrium and a lawsuit by an ex-lover, could fall in love? Is it so improbable that a woman such as Cutler could have found love, could be ready to build a life with someone that loves her, or could manage to beat the (statistical) odds of divorce that confound every couple willing to take the plunge?

But, let us be honest here. It's not because people think Cutler has "issues" — plenty of people with issues get married every day, and some of them stay that way. It's not because people know enough about Cutler to assess her ability to have and maintain long-term relationships — although, to point out, the blog that catapulted her into the public spotlight was meant for several long-term friends of hers, so she can apparently maintain relationships with people over the course of a few years. It's not because anyone commenting snidely on her chances of being happy knows anything about how she comports herself in a relationship, feels about Rubio, how Rubio feels about her or what they both want out of a marriage (and whether they've discussed that). It's because they think that, having allowed a number of different men into her bed, she's not the "kind" of girl who can settle down.

Let's try thinking about what Cutler and Rubio have going for them. Rubio can hardly have any illusions about the woman he's marrying — but he loves her and wants to spend his life with her. And, honestly, that's kind of sweet, and cool, and what you want in a life partner — someone willing to shoulder your burdens with you and take on the world with you. And Cutler, sure, she's slept with a bunch of guys and maybe drank too much, but there was something about this guy that made her want something more. He bought her a bracelet she liked because he thought it would be harder to lose than a ring, and she didn't whine about not having a ring just because it's what society demands. She likes that he asked her father first, and, when e-mailed for comment, he deferred to her for comment. It actually sounds like they know each other pretty well and have their shit together. So why is it that people seemingly think they are so much more likely to end up screaming at one another in divorce court?

Which is not to say they won't. Marriage is tough. Maybe it will all blow up and the people who like to point and tsk-tsk about women who aren't ashamed to have lots of sex will have another reason to say that women like Cutler don't get to be happy. But there is at least one person hoping that, despite the obstacles that will get thrown before them and the shitstorms that will rain down on them no matter what they do, that it does work out for them both... if only because seeing other people happy doesn't inspire disgust or envy as much as it helps keep alive the small flicker of hope that anyone can be.

Washingtonienne Jessica Cutler Engaged [Gawker]
Jessica Culter Is Engaged [DCist]

Tucker starts off his piece by just throwing it out there that the real problem is that all us coastal elites hate evangelicals:

Let’s concede right up front that you hate evangelicals. Most affluent, educated people do. Where I live, they're the most unpopular group there is.

Now, I'm a coastal elite, and most people who are educated and affluent don't hate evangelicals. We might, say, resent that their leadership has attempted to use its political opportunities to impose its particular religious world view on the rest of us, but I don't hate individual evangelicals except for the people at the subway stations who keep cursing my pagan soul. Those people suck. But, already, he's missed the point: the story isn't amusing or creepy because it's about evangelicals — replace Ed Young with a rabbi, a priest, an imam, or a Lutheran minister (I'm pretty sure that's how most jokes start anyway) and it is, in fact, equally creepy if not more so. It's one thing to suggest that people take time out of their hectic schedules to engage in intimate acts with their partner — which include but are not limited to penetrative vaginal intercourse, by the way — in order to improve their marriages and another to order everyone to bone for 7 days straight while lounging on a bed in a church. One is solid pastoral advice, and another is using your religious beliefs to try to force you to do something you don't actually want to do.

Tucker then goes on to add that it's really just a public health issue:

Once you factor out venereal diseases, there’s almost nothing better for you than regular sex.

Oh, well, gee, once you factor out the risk of death and infertility, among other things, it's all good? What kind of advice is that for people — especially the women quoted in the Young article whose husbands were unfaithful? Fuck him anyway, just "factor out" the disease risk? It also ignores the many men and women who suffer from some form of sexual dysfunction, which can range from an inabilty to get a non-chemically-enhanced boner to women that cannot engage in intercourse without pain — let alone the many, many women that simply can't achieve orgasm or have difficulty enjoying sex due to psychological trauma. For those people, no, it's not the best thing for them and it's unfair to place upon them the burden that they are not doing right by their marriages or God to try to make it so.

Tucker adds to his thesis that Americans aren't having enough sex, and that religious women have better orgasms, supposedly. While it's a bit foolish to cite one study as evidence that religious people enjoy sex more — I am far from religious and I'm happy to take the challenge of who has better orgasms pretty much any day — the real problem is that assuming that people should want to have sex more. Maybe they do, and maybe they don't. I would like to have sex more, perhaps Tucker would like to have sex more, Ed Young apparently prefers to have more sex (but, if the time his wife tried to ask him for it and he turned her down is any indication, on his schedule alone), but that doesn't mean Americans are all unhappy with the frequency of their sexual contact. There is no standard for how much sex a married couple (or a single person) "should" have — they should have as much consensual sex as they and their partner mutually agree to have and on the schedule they agree to have it.

Tucker engages in a little marital therapy at the end, offering his sage advice for those couples in bad relationships: just fuck, it will keep you in the relationship.

Let’s say your marriage was falling apart. Alienated, angry, frustrated with couples therapy, you decide to divorce. But before you do, you agree to try one last thing: Every day for a month, you'll have sex. You don't particularly want to, but you will, and you'll be disciplined about it: half an hour minimum, naked, both striving for orgasm.

Let’s say you actually did that. Do you think by the end of the month you'd go through with the divorce? Maybe you would. Likely you wouldn't.

Ed Young is right. Sex is medicine. It’s worth doing, whether you feel like it or not.

Great, so, his advice is to let fucking keep you in a relationship that leaves you angry, alienated and frustrated because between the social aspects of how you're "supposed" to feel about the person that you're having daily sex and the oxytocin your body produces when you do, you'll stick around. That's not even to discuss the vaguely humiliating prospect of forcing oneself to engage in penetrative intercourse with a spouse one doesn't love anymore every day for 30 days. Little is less sexy or less of a bonding experience than having coercive sex, even if the coercion is mental or emotional or self-inflicted. And then that's not even to mention the divorces that are occurring because of abuse, addiction or just plain incompatibility that means two people probably shouldn't stay together for 60 years, religious teaching aside.

Sex isn't going to fix a relationship: it might paper over the holes momentarily, but a bad marriage can't be saved with sex, and it shouldn't. And a pastor should try counseling his parishioners about mutual respect, fidelity, emotional intimacy, honesty, trustworthiness, thoughtfulness and quality time spent being in a partnership, as those are the things that make a lasting, fulfilling marriage — not daily sex.

Why Are Christians Having Better Sex Than the Rest of Us? [The Daily Beast]

Earlier: Which Flavor Of Ice Cream Would You Swap For Sex?
There's A Reason The Name Tucker Rhymes With…

#1 "…Make him lose his shirt."
There's a one-page layout in the front of the book that offers a handful of random ideas on want to do in the month of December. The different suggestions are wholly unrelated and don't seem to work toward a common goal, other to give women who have no idea how to spend the next 31 days something to do, but one of them is sex advice related:

Why don't you make him lose his shirt. Betting on funny stuff with your guy will turn this into one very sexy month. For example, wager whether your your boss will rock his reindeer tie at the office party. Competition amps up sexual tension, so once you win, ask for a heavenly full-body massage.

I was down with this one, as I love massages, sexual tension, and gambling. My man and I were already in the middle of a Trivial Pursuit kick when I happened upon this tip, so I suggested that the next time we play, we ante up some sex acts. He loved this. I, of course, opted for a full body massage, per Cosmo's wisdom, and then I received this email of the top five sex acts he'd like if he won, that he sent from work:

1) Full BJ: no time limit, no evidence (as in: swallowing)
2) Titty spray!
3) Um, how bout Hitachi plus doggy-style plus lubed finger in ass? That
could be good.
4) Interbreastsial coitus followed by jizz reservoir in that little throat
valley (you can throw in the Hitachi cuz I'm not a sore winner)
5) A long, luxurious foot rub. Kidding! Ball trim into HJ into ride em
cowboy, silly!

And that's just off the top of my head! Better brush up on your sports...

The only one I wasn't into was number one, mainly because the volume of his ejaculate is so freakishly large that I don't think I'd be able to handle it without some coming out of my nose. The next time we played Trivial Pursuit, I won. By the time we were done, though, I was too tired to cash in on my full body rub. (I wanted the works and didn't want to use up my massage on a quickie rub down.) The next day we played, but I was three sheets to the wind and feeling sick, so no one was feeling sexy. We played again the next night (we haven't been getting out much), and it took us both so long to actually land in the center spot and answer correctly that when he finally won I had to go to bed, so I told him he'd have to take a rain check, which he's yet to cash.

Now there's this slight tension between us because we spend our down time after work playing long ass board games that go till all hours of the morning, leaving me too tired to make good on his sex wagers. He thought that there was something wrong because I had this awesome fun idea to boost our sex life, but hadn't followed through on the sex. It had gotten to this point where I felt like we couldn't have sex again until I can fulfill one of the acts listed above, so I was avoiding sex altogether, kinda like when you mean to return an email correspondence, but then you forget, and then before you know it, too much time has passed. In the meantime, he's all worried that I'm one of those mythical women who, once she's gotten a man to make a lifelong commitment, they suddenly stops putting out. Thanks, Cosmo, for giving us an issue I never thought I'd ever encounter.

#2 "Four Sex Surprises Guys Love"
On page 72, Cosmo tells me that guys are "truly blown away when you throw a little unexpected twist into the mix—which is not to say that you need to be crazy. Just try one of these subtle suggestions to have the desired effect." Okay, I thought, this should be pretty awesome. First one up:

a.) Get Frisky Before Freshening
Um, done and done. I work from home, which means I rarely get out of a muumuu or my PJs, even when walking the dog, so seeing me all done up has turned into a rare occasion for the dude. Secondly, ever since I discovered dry shampoo, I've pretty much whittled down my hygiene practices to a weekly shower. To put it nicely, I can't remember the last time we had sex and I couldn't smell my own butt.

b.) Be His Steamy Alarm Clock
Apparently, "every guy fantasizes about being woken up by a woman who's already gotten the action started." I interpreted this to mean that when a guy has morning wood, you're supposed to start sucking on it before he wakes up. This was a total fail on my part. I have to wake up really early for work, and I keep my laptop next to my bed and jump right into my day as soon as I open my eyes. Each morning, I mentally debated an attempt at this, but I was always too busy, and frankly, if I'm gonna crawl back into bed with him, you best believe my pillow, not his penis, will be receiving head.

c.) Stay Semiclothed
OK, TMI time! I was wearing some nude thigh-length Spanx, and I was trying to avoid having the dude see me in them, because I feel they were the antithesis of sexy. But he walked in on me getting changed and he was like, "What are you wearing."
I mumbled, "A girdle."
Confused he said, "A girl hole?"
And I was like, "No, it's Spanx. It's like a girdle, but actually, it does kind of have a 'girl hole.'" And then I showed him the easy-access crotch-opening, and his face lit up. Then he ate me out through my "girl hole."

d.) Turn On The Lights
Snooze. But yeah, check. It's kinda the same either way, I think.

#3 "Sex Up Your Primping"
In a little blurb on page 115, Cosmo tells me to put on my makeup while half-dressed. However, what Cosmo doesn't know is that I put on my makeup stark naked while listening to T.I., and my fiancé seems to really enjoy it.

#4 "Make Sex Even Sexier"
In a two-page spread, Cosmo urges me to "get all five senses working at once" while having sex, and provides a "sensory menu" for me to follow. I was a little concerned about this one (see #2, part A), but I went for it. The three menus are broken down into Sensual, Spicy, and Steamy.

For "sensual" I was supposed to eat chocolate with him, look into his eyes, light a candle, assemble a playlist of sexy songs and get naked in flannel sheets. Instead, we ate Andy Capp Hot Fries, looked at the TV, lit cigarettes and lounged naked in my T-shirt sheets. It was great!

The "spicy" menu wanted me to listen to world music. I'd rather never have sex again than have sex with a man who would be able to maintain an erection while listening to that stuff.

The "steamy" menu required me to go on a tropical vacation and do some stuff with coconuts. I'll get back to you on how this worked out when I win the lottery.

So that's it. For the most part, I think these tips made my sex life a lot more generic than normal, however, I'm still working on paying off my debt of the sex bet. I'm good for it, I swear!

Cosmpolitan [Official Site]

Earlier: Well Isn't The Cosmo "Sexy Issue" Just A Sexy Breath Of Fresh Sexual Sexy Sex Air!

Even though the panelists are depressing in their honesty, the commenters offer a ray of hope in a post-baby sex world. A commenter named greysons_mom says:

After an episiotomy and additional tearing, I could barely walk, let alone think of sex. But within two weeks, I was climbing the walls, trying to seduce my husband. He literally had to pull me off of him. I never made it to 6 weeks. I got him to cave at around 4 1/2.

Another commenter named Alex says:

I have found that the baby has increased our creativity - location and timing has become extra interesting. I credit my increased sexual desire to being confident in my body, although it has returned to pre pregnancy size, I still have war wounds - stretch marks (which I am learning to accept). I also credit my desire to a supportive and loving partner. I do think that this is different for every woman.

But then some of the comments were even more depressing than the video:

Here's some brutal honesty: after my first baby, I felt no desire for sex. Like many of you, I thought 'WHOA! Something's wrong with me.'

He's now two, and sadly, the mojo has not yet returned. I thought this was supposed to be my sexual prime! I am beginning to think I'm an outlier on the sexual bell curve. While it's reassuring to know that some other women are also experiencing a lag in a return to their pre-baby sex drives, I fear mine may be gone for good. I know that can't possibly be true, but it's been TWO YEARS, and we've only had sex maybe ten times! I seem to have lost even the ability to fantasize.

However, at the end of the day, it seems that this mom has the correct idea when she says, "It's different for every one, and every baby, just do what feels comfortable for your body."

Sex After Baby [Momversation]
Sex After Baby: "Objects Shift During Flight" [Babble]

Earlier: What Should Jezebels Really Expect After They're Expecting: Sex Edition

• If you are a fan of just regular, missionary sex, go get yourself some vanilla and an imagination.
• If you are slightly more adventurous and like to try out as many positions as possible before collapsing in a sweaty, sticky mess, Ben & Jerry's has a pint of "everything but the..." with your name on it.
• If sex just doesn't feel right until your muscles are strainged from trying out any of a number of porn-tastic positions, try B&J's "Caramel Sutra" instead.
• If you're on the rag but quivering with sexual desire, get yourself some Cherry Garcia and some expensive white sheets.
• If you're one of those women (or men) who just lives to get spooged on at the end, obviously Cold Stone's Cake Batter has your name written all over it.
• If you like to do a little pirate role-playing thing in the bedroom, parrot and peg-leg optional, get some of Häagen Dazs' Rum Raisin. And just pretend that the parrot and the peg leg are optional.
• If you like your men (or women) a little young — but still legal, obviously — get some of Cold Stone's Green Apple Gummy Bear.
• If you can't get enough of men or women (like George Hamilton, John Boehner or Lindsay Lohan) who are perma-tanned orange, and/or have a tanning bed fetish, try out Cold Stone's Orange Dreamsicle.
• If there's nothing you're craving more that a cock up your ass, you should probably get yourself a freshly-packed pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie at the nearest B&J's location near you.
• But if you're really into asses more generally, they also make a slightly spicy Cinnamon Buns you could try.
• If there's just something about Ron Jeremy that just completely floats your boat, please just go buy a lifetime supply of Chunky Monkey and never tell anyone.
• But if you're hoping that there's just one, big way that Howard Dean resembles Ron Jeremy, get yourself a pint of B&J's Vermonty Python.
• If you get off more on angry sex or break up sex than anything, Häagen Dazs has your Rocky Road waiting at your local supermarket and my therapist has an open slot on Wednesday you can have.
• If you are a lactation festishist, they've got your Dulce de Leche, too, and there's probably going to be a breastfeeding woman somewhere in the supermarket anyway.
• If you just can't stop pestering your lover to do it again and again, B&J makes a S'more ice cream that he would probably just as soon you started eating because shit chafes after a while.
• If you're really into teabagging, Cold Stone has a Macadamia nut flavor that they can definitely add even more nuts to.
• Obviously, if you're more into the three-ways, Neopolitan is the way to go.
• And if you just can't go without a movie star hopped up on amphetamines — even though you're going to have to — grab a pint of B&J's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch and a box of Kleenex for whatever bodily fluids you might excrete from either grief or pleasure.

Pastor’s Advice for Better Marriage: More Sex [NY Times]

Related: Ben & Jerry's Flavor World
Häagen Dazs Ice Cream
Cold Stone Creations

Do Guys Ever Taste Their Own Semen? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

• Hillary Clinton has not agreed to be Obama's Secretary of State even if she is officially offered it. [Politico]
• She has, however, been asked to head Ted Kennedy's health reform task force next year. [The Hill]
• Mr. Jowls will remain the Chairman of the Committee on Homeland Security. Jane Hamsher and others say, in so many words, fuck that guy. [Politico, Firedoglake, Politico]
• Chuck Norris might be able to defeat ninjas, cowboys and anyone who talks back, but what he's really, really scared of is boys who like to kiss other boys (we assume that, like most raging homophobes, he furiously masturbates to girl-on-girl porn). Chuck Norris, I have watched gay bear porn and survived with nary a scratch. I double dog dare you. [Queerty]

• In the mean time, Eric Holder appears poised to become this country's first African-American attorney general. Some people have their panties all in a bunch that he might or might not have had something to do with the 11th hour pardon of Marc Rich in the Clinton Administration. [Newsweek]
• Beau Biden, on the other hand, will not accept an appointment to his father's Senate seat and will likely deploy to Iraq as planned. [Washington Post]
• Less gracious is outgoing Representative Marilyn Musgrave (R-Colorado) who has yet to officially concede the race she lost in a landslide to Democrat Betsy Markey or thank her staff, but what would you expect from the woman who staked her legislative career on trying to pass a Constitutional amendment to forever prohibit same sex marriage? [Politico]
• Speaking of controversial pardons, apparently Ted Stevens wants one. [Politico]
• Republicans are trying to decide whether to try and trample people's rights in order to regain some semblance of political relevance, or whether they'd like to try doing stuff for the Real Americans they so desperately swear they represent. [Huffington Post]
• Chuck Hagel pretty much said that Rush Limbaugh can go fuck himself during a speech. I say that all the time, Chuck! Want to grab a drink and make fun of him sometime? [CNN]
• Diane Sawyer conducted her interview with Ashley Alexandra Dupre, originally famous for fucking former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer for money, who, if this picture is any guide, will heretofore be known for sneaking into Sarah Palin's tanning beds one too many times and stealing Jane Fonda's steez from 9 to 5. It's unclear whether she actually says anything to make the interview worth watching, but since she's probably not going to dish about whether Spitzer really tried to fuck her up the ass without a condom while wearing his socks and singing show tunes, I'm guessing not. Fine, I never really heard rumors of show tunes. [Huffington Post]

• Here are seven facts about HPV and Gardasil that every woman should know (like, did you know that HPV infection risk can increase with birth control pill use?). • Did you know that the inventor of the Slinky joined a Bolivian religious cult during a mid-life crisis in the 1960s? • The newest Wallace and Gromit film, A Matter of Loaf and Death, will not be eligible for an Oscar until 2010. • A female tiger cub was given a rare blood transfusion on Sunday after being beaten and then rescued by fearful villagers in India. • Australian Health Department officials are investigating dozens of massage parlors/brothels that write off their services as "therapeutic massages" and illegally billing health insurers. • The National Board of Health and Welfare in Sweden announced today that it is removing transvestism, gender identity disorder, fetishism and four other sexual behaviors from its list of diseases. • A recent study claims that young women who smoke are twice as likely to develop moderate to severe PMS. • Athene Donald, a British scientist whose research may help with treatment of Alzheimer's, was made a laureate for the prestigious For Women In Science awards coming up next March. • The Girls' Schools Association in the UK plans to launch a website in January aimed at parents of teenage daughters. • Tennis player Martina Navratilova says that her snoring is so loud that she has woken herself up on occasion. • People with low levels of the tau protein (which helps people maintain good memory skills) have fewer protein tangles that are associated with Alzheimer's. • In female life expectancy, Britain comes up 16th out of 25 European countries. The top Euro country for women? France. • A French court of appeals has overruled a previous verdict that annulled a marriage of two Muslims because the wife lied about her virginity. • Mothers in Seattle join up in groups for intensive pre-dawn workouts to fit in some exercise and stress relief in their hectic schedules. • The Australian Sex Party will be launched on Thursday and runs on a platform of sex education, reducing censorship and supporting gay marriage. Sounds good to us! •

Untitled from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

• Officials are confirming that Hillary Clinton met with Barack Obama in Chicago to talk about a potential Cabinet slot. Two "senior Democratic officials" confirmed to the Huffington Post that Clinton was offered Secretary of State and asked for time to consider it, but she didn't admit to anything at a press conference in Albany. [NY Times, Huffington Post]
• Barack Obama and John McCain are going to meet this weekend to talk about how they might be able to work together on something once Obama is President. It was arranged by Senator Lindsay Graham, McCain's Number One Fanboy. [Washington Post]
• Vermont Senator Pat Leahy became the one who broke the seal, announcing today that he's not going to support Connecticut Senator Joe "Turncoat" Lieberman's efforts to hold onto his committee chairmanship in the Democratic-controlled Senate since Lieberman isn't a Democrat, campaigned against the incoming Democratic President and endorsed a Republican. Glad someone has more of a spine than Harry Reid. [Washington Post]
• Speaking of backbones, thousands of people are expecting to protest the passage of Proposition 8 tomorrow, in California and around the country. [Huffington Post]

• Other things coming to Washington include: Barack Obama's favorite pizza in Chicago, which is not Chicago-style but is, I guarantee, better than all but about 5 pizza outlets in the D.C. Metro area. [Huffington Post]
• FDIC Chairwoman Sheila Bair (a contender for the Treasury Secretary slot in an Obama Administration, if the rumors are true) unveiled her $25 million plan to stop 1.5 million foreclosures next year by offering incentives to financial institutions to reduce homeowners' monthly payments. Current Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson reportedly hates the idea, preferring to spend the money buying stock in banks and encouraging addition lending, let alone that he doesn't want to have to cede 3.5 percent of his Congressional spending authority to a girl to, like, help struggling Real Americans instead of banks. [Washington Post]
• California Congressman Dan Lungen is planning on challenging Ohio Congressman John Boehner for House Minority Leader. I wonder if he knows the perma-tan isn't one of the perks? [CNN]
• Former Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele wants to take over the Republican National Committee. He faces a mass of other people that didn't have prime time speaking roles at the Republican National Convention. [Politico]
• McCain campaign manager Rick Davis took responsibility for not paying how much attention "a gal from New York" they hired to shop for Sarah Palin spent on her wardrobe since they didn't give her a budget or look at the bills. That only took until after your guy lost, dickwad. Nice timing. [CNN]
• Outgoing corrupt Republican Congressman Rick Renzi of Arizona (who will be replaced by Democrat Ann Kirkpatrick) will face racketeering and other new charges when he eventually goes to trial on being a corrupt bastard. [Huffington Post]
• Renzi's colleague-in-corruption Alaska Senator Ted Stevens has fallen behind in his bid to win re-election to the Senate seat he'd be forced from once he had to report to the clink. [LA Times]
• Joe The Motherfucking Plumber has a motherfucking book deal. I, on the other hand, do not. I can ask stupid questions! I swear! Call me, publishers? [Huffington Post]

• Is Josh Davis Photography the Glamour Shots of the 21st-century?• Meanwhile, what is with the surge in popularity of people uploading their embarrassing late-'80s and early-'90s mall and school portraits on the internet? (Keep sending those Past Fashions!) • Psycho shut-ins rejoice! The Japanese have invented a tiny virtual girlfriend that you can pointlessly torture to make up for the fact you have no friends. • Recent police raids in Nigeria revel a network of baby "factories" that illegally breed babies to sell to childless couples. • A woman whose husband died in 2006 while trying to scale the summit of Mount Hood, has written a book defending her husband and his climbing companion's decision to climb right as a storm moved in on the mountain. • Tyra Banks finds a way to make Barack Obama's historic election all about her. • The FDA has received 930 reports of health problems caused by wrinkle-fighting injections over the past 6 years. •

In my case, the answer is both "yes," and "not for very long." I went out with a guy named Ralph. When I told my friends about him, I always said his name extremely apologetically. Perhaps it's being a child of the 80s and immature, but it is really, really, really hard not to think about the phrase "ralphing" (i.e., vomiting) when I hear the name Ralph — and it's doesn't help that once, when he decided without my input that I really could deep throat if I tried, I puked on his crotchtal area. It also doesn't help that my two archetypical Ralphs are the nerdy kid from A Christmas Story and The Simpsons' Ralph Wiggum. I was never able to put my mental discomfort with his name aside long enough to shout it in intimate ecstasy, since it nearly always brought me out of the moment between the connotations of vomit, horn-rimmed glasses and nose-picking.

So, while I can't say I would never fuck a Ralph, I can't imagine doing so again — and, given that I already know I couldn't let go of the name the last time, I know there are guys I just shouldn't bother going out with down the line. So what names should I be avoiding? What's the name that you just couldn't bring yourself to say in bed?

• A new study claims that women who gain too much weight during pregnancy
may have their children grow up to be obese teenagers. • Rice Krispies
celebrated its 80th British anniversary on November 10th, marking the 80th year since the cereal was brought from the U.S. to Britain. • Why are movie trailer narrators overwhelmingly male? • Forensics trainees from
Park Point University in Pittsburgh will re-examine the cold case of accused 19th century parent-killer, Lizzie Borden. • U.S. researchers have found stronger brain activity in women who are ovulating and viewing masculinized male faces. • A 26-year-old woman from Florida who was suspected of abusing her daughter will be given custody of her twin children after a three-judge panel on Wednesday determined that she had made sufficient progress as a parent since her daughter was abused in 2002. • A Dallas-area pastor of a mega-church urged his married congregants on Sunday to have sex with their spouses for 7 days straight. • A urologist from Florida has invented a stealth urinal for men called the UroClub which is designed to look like a 7-iron and fit in a golf bag. • Twin panda cubs who were born at the Adventure World amusement park in Wakayama, Japan in September were named Meihin and Eihin today.• A British couple who met online and played Second Life together are getting divorced after the wife found out her husband's avatar was seeing another (virtual) woman. • Is the spider fear a learned behavior? • Malaysia police say that protests from Katagender and Food Not Bombs regarding the recent Muslim edict against women wearing trousers is a security threat. •

In Bailon's case, the private photos were quite literally stolen off of her laptop. As in the case of Hudgens, the pictures were also intended for a boyfriend's eyes. As sins go, they're hardly shocking. But yes, to a little girl who's apparently based her life on the actions of a character on a Disney program, such a revelation is earth-shattering indeed. Says author Debra Beck , "Rather than saying, 'Can you believe that happened?', ask your child her opinion about this...Look at it as a learning opportunity, and let kids explore their own feelings about it without giving your opinion."

Or, why don't we look at it as an opportunity to ask why kids are so obsessed with these shows? As psychologist Lisa Medoff points out, "Tweens idolize celebs, but as long as they have other role models in their life exhibiting good behavior, it's not a worry." Well, yeah. Like so much, doesn't this come down to common sense rather than some kind of contrived damage control? Even so, this seems to be a powerful argument for cartoons. Say what you will, Belle and Ariel are hardly likely to pop up in compromising positions on the internet, nor is Princess Jasmine likely to give vent to foul-mouthed diatribes.

Can we also say, why are these children even aware of these sex scandals? Maybe that's naive, and I do realize the internet has been the death of wholesomeness as we knew it, and that I come from a time when we were just "kids," but doesn't supervision do quite a bit to keep a child's focus on the character, and off the actress — or at least TMZ's portrayal thereof? There has always been a stark divide between what teen idols did and how we saw them — Maureen McCormick's recent tell-all is a testament to that — but for older kids, surely there are worse things than explaining that an actress is older than who she plays; that Hollywood is a rough place; and that, in any case, these were intended to be kept between grown-ups "who love each other." Really, when you think about it, it's a pretty PG way to introduce a child to the sordid! And isn't that sort of the contradiction of the "tween" construct after all?

She Did What?! Vanessa Hudgens, Adrienne Bailon Not The Role Models Parents Want [New York Daily News]

The saddest tale of all is from a woman identified as Grits4Ever, who talked to Ruberg on the phone but would not give her real name because she feared being outed. Her husband watches porn, sometimes for 10-12 hours a day, and her first post in the forum was entitled "Husband Says We Would Have More Sex If I Did it More Like a Whore.” While the existence of Grist4Ever sounds pretty bleak, she says she is heartened by getting her thoughts out to a like-minded community. “I used to feel ashamed,” she admits, “like I was the only one out there with a problem, like it was my fault.” But now she feels better…though apparently not good enough to dump someone who says they would have more sex with her if she "did it like a whore."

The piece, however, makes a good point: most sexless marriages aren't as cut and dry as Grist4Ever's, where one person is clearly being a jerk. 15-20% of married people have sex fewer than 10 times a year, and as Grits4Ever notes, "So many of the people on here, they don’t want to end their marriages. They love their spouses. But they don’t know how to deal with the issue.”

Obviously having an outlet to vent frustration helps, so does therapy, for some people. But how do you stay in a longterm relationship when desires are clearly incompatible?

Stuck In A Sexless Marriage? You're Not Alone. [Village Voice]

Unfortunately, we're having trouble tracking down the cover of the April 2000 issue of Glamour (any leads? email me.) But our own Anna was employed at Glamour in 2000, and she says: "The rumor around the office was that the magazine was getting letters of complaint." Apparently kids in supermarket checkout lines were all, "Mommy, what's an orgasm face?"

But the worst part of this whole thing, of course, is the manufactured insecurity this kind of story is designed to instill. It's not enough that you have to worry about your pores, your body hair and your weight: Now you need to think about what you look like while in the throes of ecstasy. Because at the very moment when you're about to shudder from paroxysms of delight, your man is judging you. Didn't you know? And really, who cares how you're feeling in bed. What is he thinking? That's ladymag gold.

Jessica Simpson Gives Us the Usual Fare For Cosmo [PopSugar]
Glossy Garbage [American Family Association]
What Do You Think When You See Her Orgasm Face? [FAQs]

In the 1970s porn stars didn't even use their real names — the discovery that an actor had done porn was usually career-ending. In 1972, Ivory Snow poster girl Marilyn Chambers was dumped from the ad campaign immediately when it was discovered that she had starred in an X-rated film. But the widespread availability of pornography online has led to more relaxed attitude about sex and the adult industry. Today, adult film stars in Hollywood are valued for their acting skills and "uninhibitedness." "There's no sort of, 'Gee, shucks, can you take your top off?'" says Zach and Miri director Kevin Smith. His film stars two actual porn stars in minor roles: Traci Lords and Katie Morgan. Morgan, a 28-year-old who has made dozens of porn films, says part of her motivation in pursuing mainstream roles is that there are fewer adult feature roles since the rise of amateur sex sites on the Internet.

Steven Soderbergh cast Sasha Grey, a 20-year-old former porn star in the upcoming film The Girlfriend Experience, about a $10,000-a-night call girl. When asked why adult stars had become more acceptable in Hollywood, Soderburgh pointed to Paris Hilton's sex tape as the moment that "confirmed that everything had changed." Rather than ruining her reputation, the tape actually boosted her career. Of course, Paris Hilton's sex tape was stolen from her, as were Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee's and Colin Farrell's. Part of the appeal of these videos is the glimpse into the "real" lives of the stars: un-Photoshopped, at their most intimate moments.

In Esquire, Stephen Marche writes that Kim Kardashian's sex tape "changed the rules of DIY pornography almost before they came into existence." Unlike the other celebrity sex tapes, Kardashian appears to know that her video is intended for mass consumption; she often uses the word "everyone," as in, "for everyone who thinks my boobs are fake, they're real." Kardashian transferred her sex tape's success into higher profile roles on Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Dancing With the Stars.

With so much low-budget amateur porn on the Internet, the traditional porn star seems all the more legitimate, making the transition to Hollywood easier than in the past. However, while Esquire claims that the amateurs fueling the explosion of Internet porn, or the "ugly people" "setting up poor-quality cameras to film themselves in unimaginative positions," are driven by promise of fame, they ignore one huge motivating factor. Even in the film, Zach and Miri don't make a porno to fulfill their celebrity aspirations, but to pay the rent. The fact that porn is becoming more mainstream and celebrities go on to have successful post-sex tape careers may make people less hesitant to turn to porn. But the idea that most of the women who turn up in low budget amateur films are just hoping to be the next Kim Kardashian is as much a fantasy as the idea that all porn stars just love sex. It may make that grainy video easier to watch, but in reality the 18-year-old amateur is probably just trying to make a few hundred dollars to pay her bills.

Porn Stars Are the New Crossover Artists[The Los Angeles Times]
What's With All The Ugly People Having Sex? [Esquire]

Is Marriage For Suckers? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

Though the explanation may be unclear, this research is the epitome of a "no shit" study to many female bloggers in the Fatosphere. Kate Harding at fat acceptance blog Shapely Prose posted an awesome rant about attractiveness earlier this year, and how unfortunate and untrue the equation thin = sexually attractive is.

Kate writes:

The world is not full of Attractive People and Unattractive People. It’s full of people who are attractive to some and not to others. I hear from trolls all the time who complain that they don’t want to be “forced” to find nasty, ugly fat women attractive–which utterly baffles me, since the last thing I want to do is encourage fat-hating dicks to date fat women. You don’t find fat people attractive? Fabulous. Don’t date them. I will find a way to pick myself up and move on without your love. But to assume your lack of sexual interest in fat chicks must be universal–or that the mere existence of self-confident fat people having healthy relationships somehow “forces” you to find fat attractive–is the height of fucking narcissism.

Rant on! It's sort of bizarre to me that researchers would choose to study this in the first place. "This study indicates that all women deserve diligence in counseling on unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease prevention, regardless of body mass index," Dr. Kaneshiro said. Uh, no shit? I mean, did they really need to do a study to prove that all women need to learn about their bodies, even if they're fat? I guess when the news "World's heaviest man marries in Mexico" makes headlines the world over, many people are still baffled by the idea that fat and sexuality can go together.

Overweight Women have More Sex [UPI]
In Which I Ramble About Attraction [Shapely Prose]

Earlier: Tyra Tackles The Weighty Issue Of Fatsploitation

1. 
   

   The young Democrat was a bottom; and as Mike mounted him, the younger man grew animated. “Ohhhh, ohhhhh,” Mike says the man cried. “Obaaaama!”

   Although Mike is white, it seems that the young blond had his own fantasies about who was fucking him.

   This is probably the most cringe-inducing paragraph of political writing this season. Worse yet, I have a blonde, gay friend whose face my sick brain immediate put into this particular scenario and it was all I could do not to call him and yell, "Why would you fuck a 52-year-old Republican!!"

2. 
   

   As we move into the final days until the election, it’s become more apparent, however, that people are not making rational decisions based on voting records or even debating skills. They are voting with their emotions, their passions, even their fantasies about who they would rather kiss, fondle or fuck.

   Really? Um, I really, really, really doubt that McCain voters want to boink McCain, and I take personal exception to the idea that I'm voting for Barack because I have a physical interest in him. Way to play into stereotypes about emotional women and gay men.

3. 
   

   The fact is, many people are so busy wondering whether they could date or screw Obama, they seem to forget the polls show he’s ahead of John McCain.

   Actually, I think about this every single day. Usually two or three times. I'm not going to pretend that his poll numbers don't get me excited, but not in my pants.

4. 
   

   The man transcends the intersection of several stereotypes: With the cool looks of JFK, the oratory mastery of Martin Luther King Jr. and the imagined giant penis of Lex Steele, he’s been pushed further into the celebrity spotlight as academic-black-man-turned-super-hero.

   This is the first time that I've ever considered Barack Obama's penis.

5. 
   

   Throw in a race card, and watch the exoticism grow.

   I hate this stereotype about interracial dating or interracial attraction. Can't a guy just be hot? Or not?

6. 
   

   Whether the idea of that big black dick is a turn-on or a turn-off is up to the individual. No matter how much we try to take race off the table and focus on the issues, this campaign has literally become a dick-waving contest.

   This is the first time that I've thought about John McCain's penis, and the second I've thought about Obama's. Also, it can't "literally" have become a dick-waving contest because NO ONE has whipped it out. Thankfully.

7. 
   

   The assumption that black men have the largest penises was disproved decades ago by Dr. Alfred Kinsey, who performed the most comprehensive study to date of penis size. He found that black men generally enjoy a mere .1 inch more length and girth than white men. Hardly enough, it seems, to warrant so much intrigue.

   The mythology surrounding the size of a black man’s penis is steeped in racism, says Rashawn Ray, a PhD candidate and National Science Foundation Fellow in the department of sociology at Indiana University-Bloomington.

   Something true and not offensive. However, um, the transition between this and the last statement was non-existent. Also, why are we still talking about Obama's penis?

The few interesting paragraphs of the entire article are, sadly, shunted to the end, and mostly involve quotes from Ray, Racialicious' Carmen Van Kerckhove and author George Farah (No Debate) who talk about how some of the sexualized parodies of Obama could be damaging to his candidacy because they play off of stereotypes about the sexuality of African-American men and the fetishization of the exotic. Ray says perhaps the most prescient thing in the whole piece:

"Although most believe that Obama is single-handedly at the forefront of changing perceptions of black men, sociological research does not support this claim," adds Rashawn Ray. "While interactions with upwardly mobile Latinos and Asians changes the perception whites have of all Latinos and Asians," he says, referring to extensive research he’s studied and performed, "social interactions between blacks and whites only change the perception whites have of that one black person. So in this regard, Obama is simply seen as an exception to the rule, and thus a token."

How is that not food for thought more interesting than any discussion of Obama's penis?

Sexbama For Prez: Vote With Your Head, Not Your Hormones [New York Press]

Related: Free Speech: Hadley Freeman Gives Barack Obama A New Kind Of Approval Rating [Style.com]

Tyldesley says that Cleopatra "probably had no more than two, consecutive relationships," and that she used sex in a "sensible" way, as "one of the few tools available to women." Romans like Octavian had an incentive to think of Cleopatra as a slut, making her a scapegoat for the broken alliance between Antony and Caesar. She has now "become a kind of "Rorschach test," with scholars and filmmakers projecting their interests and desires onto her. Historical debate on Cleopatra seems to focus on two questions: was she hot? And was she white? Popular depictions — including the famous 1963 film and an upcoming musical starring Catherine Zeta Jones tend to answer yes to both questions. But Tyldesley's more interested in Cleopatra as a ruler in her own right, which is awesome, even if it means less sex for sixth grade girls to giggle over.

The Queen of Denial [Newsweek]
Cleopatra: Last Queen of Egypt [Amazon]

Is It Possible To Get Hemorrhoids From Anal Sex? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

Do Girls Like To Get Their Toes Sucked? from Pot Psychology on Vimeo.

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