sex, ;>link - Jezebel

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

Lakehurst
11/27/09

In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
I'm a porn actress and I'd like to comment.

Sasha Grey bores me but I do think she is smart and has that special something that people want to see in porn. She deserves the fame she is receiving. With that fame comes a lot of influence and I do think she is coached. In fact I'm sure of it and I give her credit for taking advice. She did a big movie, of course she had a bunch of older wiser people telling her how to answer difficult questions.

I hear this time and time again and from the horses mouth I want to emphasize that porn is a fantasy. We go to a set, get tons of unnecessary makeup, withstand long waits, sweat under hot lights, deal with annoying photographers and sometimes costars, to perform something that we may or may not enjoy.

Its a job. My costars have not expressed to me wanting to be violent off camera. Most just like to fuck. They want to please the woman as much as they want to be pleased. I would say about 1% of my fans have violent fantasies that they want to realize. I never encourage them.

Bravo for all you toting BDSM. I play a Dom on video sometimes and while it's not my thing off-camera, my fans love it. I tend to giggle when in a corset holding a whip.

Porn gets such a bad rap because the violence is perpetuated in the media. I say get over it. It's not all about violence. And while I do agree that porn is made for men, women also enjoy it. If that's what gets your partner off and its ok with you why not try to enjoy it too.

Do I think porn promotes violence and degrading of women? Not so much anymore. While I do think there is a fraction of people who see a violent porn and want to act on it, that fraction is much smaller than the amount of people who watch it for fantasy sake. People watch it to get off. Shit! I watch it to get off! It's fast and I don't have time.

Most sane people have bizarre sexual fantasies and don't want to tell or even act on them (for example, rape porn, drunk porn, sleeping chick porn). It's normal, very normal, even rape porn. Most important, it's private. And if you have a problem with rape porn blame the media and Hollywood for making that a popular fantasy.

I started porn when I was 32, I'm 36 now. I don't think I could have handled doing porn at 18 or 21. But if Sasha Grey can then good for her. Her opinions don't really matter to me. I've heard all the arguments and opinions I can stand.

Again, the influence it has on people? I am more disturbed by the commercials with the drunk dorks who rent puppies to get hot chick attention. It seems that the idea of lying to a girl to get her ass is still ok. But porn is not?

An aside, I'd like to outlaw the word poly-amorous.
Reply

allyzay approved this comment Lakehurst was starred Lakehurst was unstarred

voteforme
11/27/09

In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
There's a lot resting on Sasha's continued presentation as the "smartest girl in porn." She's doing a lot to perpetuate the status quo.
Reply

allyzay promoted this comment voteforme was starred voteforme was unstarred

goodcheapfun
11/26/09

In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
I don't disagree with her appraisal of how the spouses of adulterous politicians deal with their husband's infidelity (often they do know). Her point is to normalize what is hidden and considered shameful. I can't disagree with that.
Reply

LilyBonesBurana promoted this comment goodcheapfun was starred goodcheapfun was unstarred

LilyBonesBurana
11/26/09

@goodcheapfun: How do you know they know, which implies endorsing or at least tolerating the behavior? Cite, please.
Reply

LilyBonesBurana was starred LilyBonesBurana was unstarred

hannelore
11/26/09

@LilyBonesBurana: We don't know they know. But, to me, Sasha's comments fall within a critique of marriage as an institution where both parties sign on with certain expectations, and those expectations may have little to do with a romantic love ideal. In a heteronormative, patriarchal paradigm, a man needs a wife to bear and raise his children, care for their home, and, in modern contexts, accompany him to company/campaign dinners and the like. In that same paradigm, a woman needs a man to provide her with children and feed, clothe and house the family. She needs to be part of a couple to be a functioning member of society (same vice versa for the man).
I am describing the patriarchal paradigm here, NOT how I believe things should be.

Now, the parameters of marriage contract as they are given on a wedding day (pledging fidelity, to forsake all others 'till death do us part, etc.) do not include having "someone on the side." The letter of the law doesn't allow for it, but I think in many cases the unwritten rules of a relationship do.

Sasha didn't say ALL women in these situations have a don't ask-don't tell arrangement with their husbands. The people who live their lives within this paradigm are both men and women and, depending on your views on free will and personal choice (that is, how much we as humans actually have), they to some extent or another chose it.

In the passage from the interview quoted, I see her remarks as critiquing patriarchy, not victim-blaming political wives.
Reply

LilyBonesBurana promoted this comment hannelore was starred hannelore was unstarred

LilyBonesBurana
11/27/09

@hannelore: I wasn't arguing against Gray's critique.

I was simply asking for a cite on the poster's (often they do know) portion of "I don't disagree with her appraisal of how the spouses of adulterous politicians deal with their husband's infidelity (often they do know)"
Reply

LilyBonesBurana was starred LilyBonesBurana was unstarred

lisas
11/26/09

In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
It's nice that so many women actually do get something out of porn, but don't fucking kid yourselves, ladies, porn isn't made for us. It's made using us. Any enjoyment we get out of it? Is incidental.
Reply

lisas was starred lisas was unstarred

LilSpitfire
11/26/09

@lisas: You know, this is a really good point to make.

We always see women like her talking up porn...but I'd like to hear what her co-workers have to say about the empowerment they get from choking, dick-slapping, and other semi-violent acts done to her during a shoot. The enjoyment they got from peeing and jizzing on a woman's face.

Simply put...would we accept this if her male co-stars came out and said it empowered them and they felt it was sexy and ok to do this to a woman on camera?

Flip the perspective and it starts to get kind of horrifying.
Reply

LilSpitfire was starred LilSpitfire was unstarred

Lizard in the Wires - synthesizer signals suspense!
11/27/09

@lisas: Mainstream porn anyways, there are some very nice "by lesbians for lesbians" type companies out there. The one I'm thinking of at the moment's name escapes me, but they shoot porn which uses ACTUAL COUPLES, and just let them do their thing, so they like, love each other and are sweet to each other.
Reply

superconnected (is it time to leave?) promoted this comment

Ariadne27
11/26/09

In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
Can Jezebel PLEASE have an article or 3 on BDSM, S&M, etc...

A LOT of people on this comment thread don't realize that many HEALTHY women (and men!) get off via being submissive, enjoy being chocked, having their hair pulled, their ass slapped, being called names and belittled, and that there is nothing wrong with this type of sex when it is practiced correctly (safe, sober, sane, safe word.... I remember the bylaws having lots of S's when I learned about this type of sex).

There is some serious need of education on this topic.

Although the porn industry could do well to have a little more high profile S&M where the male is the one being submissive, because A) I'm sure there are both men and women who want to see that, and B) It will help people understand that this type of sex isn't supposed to be about abuse against women.
Reply

bowleserised promoted this comment Ariadne27 was starred Ariadne27 was unstarred

bowleserised
11/26/09

@Ariadne27: I remember comment threads (and I think, posts) that reflected this. Just not lately.
Reply

bowleserised was starred bowleserised was unstarred

hollymar
11/27/09

@Ariadne27: I like all that, too. But my problem here isn't with bdsm between couples. My problem is the idea that porn in general is okay AND that violent rape porn is okay. It's NOT. If you want to play that with your husband there is nothing gross or demeaning about it, but doing it on camera and then turning around and making it sound like everybody who doesn't like it is a prude or a hypocrite isn't acceptable.

#sex
Reply

clevernamehere promoted this comment hollymar was starred hollymar was unstarred

Ariadne27
11/28/09

@hollymar: I mean, people have rape fantasies too. It's something couples might engage in, with a safe word.

Porn in general though is a whole separate issue...

I think there is a healthy place for porn in people's lives. I don't tend to watch it, but I know many men and women who do.

And if you happen to be turned on by foot fetishes or orgies or rape fantasies or anything like that, why wouldn't you watch what turns you on? I wouldn't feel comfortable watching Sasha Grey's porn as described, but for people who enjoy those acts in their own sex lives (i.e. violent scenarios), it makes sense for the porn they watch to reflect those same acts. Why would they watch non-fetished porn if they themselves act out the same fetishes?

However, I completely agree with you that accusing people who have problems with or just don't enjoy porn as prudes and hypocrites is entirely unacceptable.
Reply

Ariadne27 was starred Ariadne27 was unstarred

buttercupbonbons
11/25/09

In reply to “I Want To Feel Horny. I Want To Want.
"Teaching women that only beautiful women are sexy."

That should be "Teaching women and men that only one type of woman is beautiful". I think it's pretty difficult to simultaneously love your body, love the sensations its capable of producing and sharing that connection with another human being in the face of a lot of overwhelming seeming "evidence" that perhaps you aren't beautiful. We can't be at war with our bodies (and adult women trying to look like the body of 10 year old boys are nothing if not at war with themselves) and simultaneously fully experience pleasure.

As an older reader who is also a mother and divorcee--I have to concur with the notion that the "problem" of low libido in women is truly pegged (no pun intended) as a woman's problem as long as there is a man within a 40 foot radius who is capable of erection.

Rarely is this framed in the context of: what's the state of the relationship? Does the man know what he is doing? Is he, perhaps, insensitive or a jerk? (That brings up a whole other issue of "Honey why are you with him?" of course.)

I'm a hard working woman, I enjoy the rewards of the fruits of my labor, and the sweeter the fruit, the more labor I will put forth. So why should we assume I'm any different with sex?

In the context of a married life, with kids, men if you want sex know this: foreplay begins at 8AM. If you want nookie that night, you'd better start planning at 8AM. Keep it going all through the day. I know, I know it's draining and all--but just as much as you are visual, I am sensual. So give me something to sense.
Reply

cirocco approved this comment buttercupbonbons was starred buttercupbonbons was unstarred

boxspelunker
11/25/09

In reply to “I Want To Feel Horny. I Want To Want.
I do not know what my own sexuality is. I know I am bisexual/pansexual. That has never been a question for me, and also never been an identity issue. I know when I am attracted to someone, that's also not a problem.

I just never want to go any farther than just admiring. I am bothered by it only because I am afraid all my friends will leave me and I will be totally alone. I know part of why it is - being trans has its strange sexual pitfalls, since sex is often a very gendered experience, and usually involves genital contact. Lots of trans people are not comfortable with their genitals being touched, and I am one of them.

I don't know if it would change at all if I transitioned or not. But I do know that right now, I just don't give a fuck. I don't masturbate, I have no interest in it. I don't "get horny", I don't care, either. I don't want people armchair analyzing me. I don't need it.

I feel like any sexuality I do use is too performatory. I don't know how to be organically "sexy"; I don't feel it. I can't figure out a way to be sensual/attractive without relying on what the media tells me is attractive. I know that doesn't come naturally to me, but I don't know what does. It's like dancing - people just say to move your body however you like, but nothing ever comes to me. If I wait for inspiration, nothing happens. It's weird.
Reply

boxspelunker was starred boxspelunker was unstarred

Faster.Pussycat
11/25/09

In reply to “I Want To Feel Horny. I Want To Want.
I hated that article. Bassons approach, desire follows arousal, completely defines female sexuality in terms of responding to male sexuality. Just have sex, and you'll get into it! Women are more than meat pockets, and women who don't want sex are not broken. If it's a problem for the women's partners, he/she should seek help.
Reply

KATE! promoted this comment Faster.Pussycat was starred Faster.Pussycat was unstarred

nobodyr
11/25/09

In reply to “I Want To Feel Horny. I Want To Want.
By most studies, 5% of the population is homosexual male, while around 46% of the population is heterosexual female- but there's about 9 times as much pornography for the former than for the latter. And let's not even start with homosexual women; be a strange day when one finds lesbian porn marketed towards lesbians.
So yeah, no surprise.
Reply

cand86 promoted this comment nobodyr was starred nobodyr was unstarred

cand86
11/26/09

@nobodyr: There IS lesbian porn marketed towards lesbians! Shine Louise Houston, Jincey Lumpkin, Courtney Trouble, Bren Ryder, Emilie Jouvet, Angela Phong, Madison Young . . . the list goes on.
Reply

cand86 was starred cand86 was unstarred

Lizard in the Wires - synthesizer signals suspense!
11/25/09

In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
I want to like her, but she's had so much hipster kool-aid she has BECOME hipster kool-aid. It just makes me want to run screaming. She's smart and does porn, lots of smart people do porn. I'm confused other than the fact that she's very attractive why I should care about her, specifically, exactly.

Although I can totes understand why they wouldn't actually go looking for someone else to interview, I mean there might be feminist and some of them might be black, and I can't have a black feminist at my pool party! I mean there are going to be girls in their swim suits there.
Reply

superconnected (is it time to leave?) promoted this comment

Pantra
11/25/09

In reply to “I Want To Feel Horny. I Want To Want.
I think it's a many-headed hydra, but our culture does a lot to dampen female sexual desire. Teaching women that only beautiful women are sexy. That arousal for men is looking at a hot woman and arousal for women is being looked at. That sex gives you a bad reputation if it's too casual. that you might get pregnant and then be shamed no matter what choice you make, abortion, single motherhood, working mother, etc. That it really isn't important in the long run and you should choose your mate based on him being a good provider and father. In the meantime, men are told to go get laid, be a stud, and shown images of half-dressed beautiful women everywhere they look. Is it really a surprise this might lead to a discrepancy between men and women when it comes to their libidoes?

I'm not saying that's the whole cause by any means, but I think we need to admit that female sexuality is not really encouraged or cultivated in this culture the way male sexuality is. people like talking about strippers and porn actresses or teenagers sending naked pictures, but when it comes to an ordinary-looking middle-aged woman's sexuality, the visibility goes away.
Reply

boxspelunker promoted this comment Pantra was starred Pantra was unstarred

I believe in peace, bitch
11/25/09

@Pantra: That is a great point. My mom once told me that she doesn't deserve to have sex because she doesn't look like "those women on Friends". God that was one of the saddest things I ever heard. Also, I am really, really sick of hearing that when it comes to sex, women just want to be desired. You know why that's true? Because it has been culturally nailed to our palms that our only value sexually (and otherwise) lies in our desireablility. Culture places no importance on our own desire. We are TAUGHT to desire being desired. We weren't born naturally not caring about our own O's, just wanting to make sure we give him his. We've been brainwashed that way.
Reply

boxspelunker promoted this comment

theremingirl
11/25/09

In reply to “I Want To Feel Horny. I Want To Want.
I'm very envious of women with high sex drives. I'm bored by sex and can't even give MYSELF an orgasm. It's a huge source of tension in my relationship because we don't have sex very often, and when we do he is unhappy about my level of enthusiasm. I was never molested and I'm physically healthy, so I guess I'm just supremely unlucky. :(
Reply

boxspelunker promoted this comment theremingirl was starred theremingirl was unstarred

boxspelunker
11/25/09

@theremingirl: I'm sorry to hear it. It sucks to be unhappy. I have no real advice, just sympathy,
Reply

boxspelunker was starred boxspelunker was unstarred

DarcyMcCarbomb
11/25/09

In reply to "For Me, Pornography Is Performing": Sasha Grey On Sex, Work, Communication
Her interviews always seem like she's saying, "If you're into monogamy and don't like my movies you're a boring prude!"

I get why some interviewers have made her defensive. However, insulting the many people who are actually interested in what she has to say, instead of how much can fit in her holes (that's not a judgement on her or the viewer, as I do watch porn), seems like an unwise tactic.
Reply

Dogtanian promoted this comment DarcyMcCarbomb was starred DarcyMcCarbomb was unstarred

Jenloveshercurves
11/25/09

In reply to “I Want To Feel Horny. I Want To Want.
I hate these stories about women and their low libido's. I understand that some women have a low libido and that's an issue for them, but treating women with a low libido as the norm (and I know that birth control pills, stress and the wax and wane of hormones can play a big part in women's sexual experience) makes women who are more sexual and have a high level of desire feel abnormal. I would like to say that ALL people have varying sexual desires. I don't think that men's low libido (I'm not talking about inability to preform, but just not wanting to have sex as much as popular culture would frame them) is allowed open discussion. I've always found that I am the partner with the higher libido and I have to deal with my partner not wanting sex as much as I do. It's a give and take on both ends and vastly different sexual desires is something that people in relationships will have to deal with but saying women are X and men are Y when it comes to sex is not helpful or true.
Reply

Jenloveshercurves was starred

Shelby
11/25/09

@Jenloveshercurves: I agree completely. Sexuality is so complex and so personal, that I feel there can't ever truly be a "norm" for everyone.

Also, men's sexuality is just as unfairly represented in the media as women's. There are silly expectations for both sides, and the misinformation...unspeakable. And those Viagra and penis pills commercials shame them for lack of boner and size, respectively.

And! I thought all through high school that erection = aroused. Turns out, that isn't true. Also, did you know that men don't always want to have sex, all the time? And that lack of desire doesn't reflect their level of attraction to their mate? Hmm.

*rant* *sorry*
Reply

Jenloveshercurves promoted this comment Shelby was starred Shelby was unstarred

mirrorghost
11/25/09

@Jenloveshercurves: ditto this. i've had the same experience as you.
Reply

Jenloveshercurves promoted this comment mirrorghost was starred mirrorghost was unstarred

Mr.Gawn
11/25/09

@Jenloveshercurves: i think that X and Y is a valid statement...

women are X^2... GIANT CHROMOSOMES so youre (women) are all over the place..

men are Xy, so we are simplier creatures... lookin at it from a genetic standpoint
Reply

Mr.Gawn was starred Mr.Gawn was unstarred

JilliefromChile
11/25/09

@Mr.Gawn: I can't really see a discernible thought process in that so I'm going to guess you're affecting some sort of antic disposition , and I'll just go ahead and translate you into Shakespeare. I'm guessing what you said was:

"I am but mad north by northwest. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw."
Reply

Jenloveshercurves promoted this comment Edited by JilliefromChile at 11/25/09 6:19 PM JilliefromChile was starred JilliefromChile was unstarred

Jenloveshercurves
11/25/09

@JilliefromChile: Don't feed him. Always distrust someone who wants to come on a women's website and tell us women how we should feel because of our silly genes that make us all crazy, tehe.
Reply

Jenloveshercurves was starred

Jenloveshercurves
11/25/09

@JilliefromChile: I also hate that my replying to your comment promotes his which is one of the things that I hate about this promotion, demotion thingamajig.
Reply

Jenloveshercurves was starred

JilliefromChile
11/25/09

@Jenloveshercurves: Sorry, I didn't intend to feed him. Mostly I've been thinking about Hamlet, and I wanted to let off a zinger and leave it at that. If he tried to engage me directly I wouldn't have replied.
Reply

JilliefromChile was starred JilliefromChile was unstarred

Mr.Gawn
11/25/09

@Jenloveshercurves:
no one implied that your genes make you crazy...

but whatever, ive been the minority of crowds in the past... opinions are often misconstrued, misinterpreted and disregarded when your 'the other'... thats fine
#tips
Reply

Jenloveshercurves promoted this comment Mr.Gawn was starred Mr.Gawn was unstarred

Jenloveshercurves
11/25/09

@Mr.Gawn: "women are X^2... GIANT CHROMOSOMES so youre (women) are all over the place.." don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.
Reply

Jenloveshercurves was starred

Mr.Gawn
11/25/09

@Jenloveshercurves:
mmm-hmmm... and someone already said the couldnt get what i meant by that statement.. so i explained it.......

from a genetic stand point...
XX is more complicated than XY... so the (s0-s0) dichotomous relationship men and women have concerning sex COULD arguably be explained by genetics

you interpreted that as being crazy.. my apologies... only meant to illustrate that women are on a much broader spectrum...
but whatever....
Reply

Mr.Gawn was starred Mr.Gawn was unstarred

Jenloveshercurves
11/25/09

@Mr.Gawn: Or the dichotomous relationship that you are describing could have nothing to do with genetics, could not be even true, but could be fed by cultural expectations, but it's easier to say men are like this because of genes and women are like this because of genes. Evolutionary gender psychology is really unreliable because social norms and societal expectations fuck things up way too much.

Also, dismissing others experience, as you have done in all of this and have been called out for, does not help your argument. I don't say that my experience (having never found a sexual partner who matches my libido) is indicative of all men or illustrates an issue that men need to address, it illustrates my experience. Believing that because you've heard from men or your experience is that women have a lower sex drive this indicates that women on a whole have different sex drives than men is faulty. People often report sexual experiences that reflect what the cultural norms and expectations proscribe for them. Hell, even Kinsey came across this. There is too much variation in either gender to draw any overarching conclusion about biological determination when it comes to sexual desire. Men and women are probably more similar in these instances than we as a society will allow talk about. You can go on believing until the cows come home that women have different libido's than men, but that doesn't make your belief helpful or correct. Now I'm done and will give you no more fuel for your desire to tell us ladies how we feel and why we feel that way.
Reply

Jenloveshercurves was starred

Dulcinea
11/25/09

@Jenloveshercurves: Couldn't agree with you more. That's exactly what I would like to say, and I think it's important to point out that the variation in women's desire is one of the many ways in which there is no way for us to win - we're all abnormal in one way or the other. A woman who wants sex less than a man she's having sex with is sick, a woman who wants sex more than a man she's having sex with is a desperate slut with low self-esteem, and a woman having sex with another woman is doomed to a whole other set of prejudiced misinterpretations. There isn't exactly a huge repertoire of culturally acknowledged sexual roles for men to play either. Fuck.
Reply

boxspelunker promoted this comment Dulcinea was starred Dulcinea was unstarred

nobodyr
11/25/09

@Mr.Gawn: No, it wouldn't. Oh and btw- sex isn't determined by chromosomes, but by the presence of the gene SRY; there are subsequently XX males, and XY females. Therefore, the chromosome couldn't be the deciding factor.
Reply

boxspelunker promoted this comment nobodyr was starred nobodyr was unstarred

JilliefromChile
11/25/09

@nobodyr: Thank you for attacking his shitty understanding of genetics and chromosomes , which offended me to the core of my Biology major, and tested my promise not to feed the troll.

Dosage compensation? Epigenetics? Lolwhut.
Reply

boxspelunker promoted this comment JilliefromChile was starred JilliefromChile was unstarred

Mr.Gawn
11/25/09

@Jenloveshercurves:
not discrediting what youre saying, but you took a statement which was more or less a joke and built a response on it...

ok...

#tips
Reply

Mr.Gawn was starred Mr.Gawn was unstarred

Mr.Gawn
11/25/09

@nobodyr: so youre saying genetics have no factors to play in a persons development, psyche, mentality, personality? they are jus kinda there?

whatever
#tips
Reply

Mr.Gawn was starred Mr.Gawn was unstarred

Mr.Gawn
11/25/09

@JilliefromChile:
hahaha... what i love about all this, is that this started with something small and exploded...

everyone here is obviously against me and not so much the statement anymore...

but as a biology major, you should be familiar with identical twins separated at birth, and the striking similarities found between them, even thou they have never met...
whatever, thats fine

so i get that you all are riled up that genetics is a determine factor in a person... ok... i take it back... genetics have nothing to do with a person/personality...

ok?
^_^
#tips
Reply

Mr.Gawn was starred Mr.Gawn was unstarred

nobodyr
11/25/09

@Mr.Gawn: No, I am saying that the thing which determines sex is not the Y chromosome but the gene SRY.

The purpose/function of SRY is testes production. Not increased sex drive, decreased domesticity, or whatever else is stereotypically attributed to men. Testes. Balls. Cojones.

Also, you have to consider that if you are talking about genetics, you can't really use generalizations. IE, you can't say "men in general do x," because ALL men are men because of one thing regularly (SRY). The fact that asexual men who are actually men exist shows that there isn't anything connected with being a male and sex drive.
Reply

nobodyr was starred nobodyr was unstarred

Valkyrie607
11/25/09

@Mr.Gawn:
Reply

boxspelunker promoted this comment Valkyrie607 was starred Valkyrie607 was unstarred

Valkyrie607
11/26/09

@Mr.Gawn: Trolling is what happens when you come and say some stuff that sounds off, or silly, or maybe even outright stupid, then, when called out about it, you proceed to ignore every logical and fact-based argument thrown your way, all the while insisting that the callers-out were simply misinterpreting what you were saying.

Comments like "so youre saying genetics have no factors to play in a persons development, psyche, mentality, personality? they are jus kinda there?" when that is obviously not what Nobodyr was saying clearly indicate an interest in provocation and being inflammatory, rather than listening, learning, and presenting your own coherent, well-supported opinions. Straw man argument and all that, etc., etc.
Reply

boxspelunker promoted this comment Valkyrie607 was starred Valkyrie607 was unstarred

boxspelunker
11/26/09

@Valkyrie607: This is an excellent picture. MOST EXCELLENT.
Reply

boxspelunker was starred boxspelunker was unstarred

Mr.Gawn
11/26/09

@Valkyrie607:
i feel like i have somehow offended people....

it was a small comment that was misinterpreted, but OH MY GOD this has already gotten outta hand, i think tryin to clarify only made it worst

ok, my apologies.... but i think everyone wants a victory and wants to point and 'gawk' at me... to the point where ive already ried compromising but its not even enough.

"how dare he suggest genetics..... yatta yatta yatta"
ok, my mistake....

Im sorry?
#tips
Reply

Mr.Gawn was starred Mr.Gawn was unstarred

jeninmotion
11/26/09

Seriously. Me and my girlfriend are super-orgasmic people (my girlfriend is, um, the luckiest woman I have ever met in that department) and a lot of low-libido women act like that means we're being shallow or somehow betraying them for advocating for good ol' orgasmic sex.

I mean, seriously...someone said orgasms are overrated? I have a serious problem with that. Orgasms are AWESOME. And while I think low libidos have a number of valid causes and are perfectly valid, part of me is like...but acting like this is a great and nifty outcome is problematic. It's like people who think nothing tastes as good as thin feels: they're entitled to their opinion and I'm not going to spend hours haranguing them, but...acting like there's something sinister or possibly ableist or anti-woman in being like, "but orgasms/cheddar grits are rad and you should have many of them if it's possible!" messes with me and I'm not quite sure why.
Reply

jeninmotion was starred jeninmotion was unstarred

InABook
11/26/09

@jeninmotion: Saying orgasms are rad and you should have many of them is possible is one thing.

But when people talk about orgasms, it often comes off as if they think orgasmless sex is sad, or not worth it, or something.

I personally think orgasms are overrated. Sure, they're fun, but the effort it takes to get there isn't, and is not enjoyable, and I'd rather have supremely enjoyable sex- which for me, and many other women, means sex that doesn't include jumping through the hoops to get to an orgasm.
Reply

sciencerules promoted this comment InABook was starred InABook was unstarred

InABook
11/26/09

@Mr.Gawn: I don't think people here care about a victory; they care instead that you aren't clear, aren't making sense, and say things that come off as ignorant and offensive.
Reply

boxspelunker promoted this comment InABook was starred InABook was unstarred

Cerridwen
11/25/09

In reply to “I Want To Feel Horny. I Want To Want.
"Desire follows arousal" - this makes perfect sense to me right now. My libido is pretty low currently, possibly as a result of the hormonal birth control I am on(which I tried to get off of and realized the pros far outweighed the cons). I still enjoy sex when I do have it but it is very hard to get me to actually want it. When my partner tries to initiate, I'm just like, "Eh. I'd rather just put on my flannel pajamas and read my book on the couch." But, with the right coaxing, I can desire sex. It's like my brain doesn't quite catch up to my body, if that makes sense. I need to physically feel certain things and then I'm like, "Oh, right! This is nice. Yes, I do want to have sex!" But there is a total delay between "Eh. Sex. Whatever." to physical pleasure to "Yes!" I've learned to resist my initial lethargy - unless I am legitimately really not desiring sex and then I'll say no - because I know I have to get over that initial hurdle of physical sensation. So I can totally understand how "immersion in physical sensation" could be an appropriate therapy.
Reply

Cerridwen was starred Cerridwen was unstarred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion

#sex#gtlink

Jezebel

SUBSCRIBE TO Jezebel

Login

Reset Password

Register

Submit Your Comment

#sex #gtlink