The Adult Internet Market Research Company reports that, in their survey, most sites have seen a 20-30 percent membership growth since the checks began to hit mailboxes in May. What, like Fleshbot isn't good enough for you pervs once you guys have money?

But it's not just American pervs using economic boons to relieve some stress. Brazil has seen a huge spike in sex toy sales in recent years as the economy has taken off and some modest wealth has been redistributed to the lower-middle class, which they've apparently used to buy lingerie, porn and imported sex toys. But it's not just men — women account for 70-80 percent of adult sales according to Evaldo Shiroma, president of the sex goods indsutry trade association.

I have to say, when I finally (supposedly) get my long-awaited stimulus check, I'm not spending it on porn sites, though I'll admit that if my vibrator finally bites it I will be buying a new one regardless (that's an emergency purchase on a par with needing coffee or alcohol, though). But it's cool to know that once women have just enough money stop worrying about how to feed, clothe and house themselves and their families, they get on with their naughty selves and start getting it on — even if that's just in Brazil. Maybe if we could get that started in Ohio or Kansas, we would talk less about the red state-blue state divide and more about the plug-in vs. battery-powered schism. One could hope, anyway.

Job Cuts May Help Curb Inflation [Chicago Sun-Times]
Rebates Stimulate Porn Industry [NY Post]
An Economic Stimulus — To Brazil's Sex Life [Time]

The unicorn both came to represent Christ, and also began to represent purity and chastity. The idea that unicorns could only be tamed by virgins became a widely held belief, and images of unicorns resting their heads in chaste womens laps, with not so subtle sexual undertones, began to appear in artwork.

Heh. Funny then, that one of my favorite unicorn novelty items has nothing to do with chastity at all.

I have this vibrator, which a man wears on this dick while the unicorn horn tickles your clit, and the back end tickles your, uh, back end. Not that many people sell it anymore, so I'm wondering if it's made of that bad material stuff that you're not supposed to put near your near and dear region.

One of the myths that the Time piece points to is that unicorns are no longer around anymore because they were "too slow" to make it onto Noah's ark, and thus, were forced to take to the sea, and have evolved into the very real, and very weird narwhal.

And while unicorns are often associated with Lisa Frank, and rainbows and butterflies, we actually like the way that they are portrayed in this Perry Bible Fellowship strip:

A Brief History of the Unicorn [Time]
Earlier: The First Unicorn
Something Stinks

Stats: The Cone is a British sex toy that, as its website puts it, is made of "soft, squidgy plastic." (Squidgy is such a fake British word.) There is a 3000 RPM motor within, and there are 16 different built-in programs of vibration. The two controls on the device help you manage the speed, intensity and pulsing of those programs. It requires 3 C batteries. The price, as I stated above, is $130.

Pros: You're supposed to sit on this thing, inserting the tip either into your vagina or your butt hole. I don't do the butt thing when I'm just playing around alone, so I sat on it with my vadge. That lasted for maybe a minute. I was too scared to release all my weight onto that thing, because it gets rather wide at the end (7" at the base), so I was sort of holding myself up with my thighs. I don't really work out or anything, so after holding that yoga-esque pose for 60 seconds my legs turned into jelly. So instead, I sat down, placed the cone on my bed, and wedged it between my legs, and pressed it up against my crotch, Western saddle-style. I have to say that the motor was totally on par with the kind of strength I need to be worked properly. And the pulsing was really awesome. I really was partial to program 14, that had heavy, altered pulsing, with some steady vibe thrown in every few seconds for good measure. Also, it's super-duper quiet.

Cons: One of my friends at our brother site Gizmodo told me that when the editors over there review gadgets, one of the ways they rate it is by trying to use the item without reading directions, because nothing should be that difficult to use that you would need written instructions. I feel like that line of thinking particularly applies to sex toys, because when you're ready to get off, the last thing you want to do is sit down and try to have to use your brain. The Cone fails on this front. I didn't understand how to open it, and even though there are two buttons, I couldn't figure out the off and on situation. Also, I could only come while using this thing if I was sitting upright, and personally, I like to lay down and relax when I'm playing with myself.

Verdict: Great motor, good vibes, bad design. If they could make this thing as a hand-held, or even as something a little more conducive to other positions, it would be much more on point.

Stats: The Mary Mermaid is a dildo in the shape of a mermaid (and also, disturbingly, the virgin Mary), with a fin that curves up for clit stimulation. It's part of manufacturer Fun Factory's "Twist 'n' Shake" line of toys, and has separate controls to adjust vibration of the fin and rotation of the dildo. It's 9.25" in total size, with 4.5" of "insertable" length. It takes 4 AA batteries, and costs $73.95. It's a little bit noisy when you have it going at full blast, but nothing out of the ordinary. Check out the way it moves and sounds here (don't worry, this is just a demonstration and my vagina does not make an appearance):

Pros: This thing looks and moves strangely and its freakishness alone kinda turned me on. Having separate controls for rotation and vibration (each of which can be completely shut off) is a plus. The sound of the mechanism isn't too loud or annoying.

Cons: I warmed up with some fin vibe before plunging the dildo in. I also put on some Xtube porn to help me along. I inserted the top of the dildo in after a few minutes, but it (or my vagina) was being stubborn and wouldn't really go in, even though I was plenty wet. I turned up the rotation to see if it could sort of twist its way in there. I could only get the bulbous head part in though. While the top portion was still inside me, I let go of the Mermaid and looked down to see what was going on. The bottom half was seriously flopping around like a fish out of water. I couldn't help but think of that Faith No More video. I couldn't get off.

Verdict: Meh. It's pretty much just The Rabbit, repackaged as a mythical creature.

Mary Mermaid [VibeReview]

Earlier: The NEA: Is This "Luxury" Vibrator Worth It?

Earlier: Teenage Tourette's Sufferers Say What's On Their Minds

Pros: The NEA is a cool looking little gadget (and I mean little— it's only about 3" in length). It almost looks like a miniature computer mouse, and it has pretty LCD lights on the two buttons that control the speed. (It doesn't require batteries, as it comes with a charger.) The purr on the vibe is super-quiet and could probably be used without roommates being any the wiser.

Cons: I could not get off with this fucking thing. At. All. The vibe is way too weak. Plus, fast and steady vibration with no variation tends to just numb my area instead of arousing it, leading me to just become frustrated.

Verdict: At $89 (almost twice the price of the incomparable Magic Wand), you'd be better off using your hands.

NEA [LELO]

Earlier: 5 Household Items That Will Help You 'Get Off' Easy
Glove Affair: Testing The Fukuoku Five Finger Vibrator
Sexual Chocolate: Testing The Clone-A-Willy Kit

OK, so that thing is a "ropeless" jump rope. But it totally looks like a Hers & Hers vibing anal bead set, if you ask me. [Amazon]

Earlier: South Park Takes A Trip To Heavy Metal

The UK-based adult toy shop LoveHoney actually started a great recycling program for sex toys, but that's not going to help us on this side of the pond. I dug around, and found one website that claims to be part of a sex toy recycling company, but with no address, phone number, or specific instructions, it's most likely just a joke.

In the end, I ended up not putting my big broken vibe in my garbage, choosing instead to place it in a plastic bag and tossing it in the dumpster in front of my building. One other Jezebel editor says she walked her broken vibe down the street so that her super wouldn't find it when sorting the trash. So here's the question: what should we do with broken vibrators?

Related: How Green Are Your Sex Toys? [Utne]

We started with the chocolate vagina kit, since it seemed a lot less complicated, seeing as how I didn't need to be aroused or anything. We had to mix this powder with lukewarm water, then pour it into this scoop thingy, and then press it up against my crotch, all in a span of two minutes, otherwise the stuff would've hardened and been useless.

I pressed it up against me and all of a sudden the excess mixture started pouring out the sides, running down my legs and getting all over the floor. It was all thick and creamy and it seriously looked like I had some kind of VD, or someone had just shot a lump load all over me.

Sorry for sharing that. Anyways, I started screaming because that shit was getting all over my floor (which I just mopped), so my boner donor ran and got a towel. And then we just started laughing maniacally. There I was, standing in my robe, a bra, and slippers with one hand on a dripping crotch and the other holding a glass of wine. I totally looked like Nelson Muntz's mom.

I had to hold the shovel up to my crotch for four minutes. After enough time had elapsed, I pulled it off (luckily, it didn't stick to my hair), and did not like what I saw. I don't mean to get all precious about my pussy or whatever, but this is not an accurate impression of it.

I guess there was a giant air pocket, so we peeled a dry piece of mixture up off the floor and stuffed it in there. We put the vagina mold in the freezer, per the directions, and then got to work on the chocolate dick kit.

Okay, I'm here's the thing about that: If you want a sexy, fun time, don't do this. It's really weird and mechanical and there's sooooooo much start and stop. For instance, first we had to cut the provided dick tube down to the size of his erection, so I had to blow him for a little bit so that we could figure out how long to make the tube, and then left him hanging there as I was hacking the tube down with scissors.

Then I had to combine the molding powder with water, using a thermometer to make sure it was 98º. I had two minutes to mix the stuff, pour it in the tube, get him hard again, and then shove his peen in there, all before the mixture hardened. It was really stressful, and also, impossible. We couldn't do it on our first try. First of all, my dog began humping my donor's leg, and she just wouldn't let go. And by the time I mixed the stuff and blew him, the mixture had hardened in the tube and he couldn't get his dick in there. So we had to start all over again.

This time, we were practically pros — a well-oiled machine of genital casters. He mixed the stuff and poured it in the tube, while I blew him until he was at full mast. Then he stuck it in the tube, and we waited for two minutes until it had set. (When we pulled it off his dick, it totally queefed!) We placed it in the fridge and then went to work on the dick candle kit.

At this point, we felt like we were sweatshop workers in a sex toy factory. We did the mixture/blow job routine again, and he jammed his dick in the tube. Except this time, we had issues of a different kind. His dick is curved, so it was hitting the side of the tube, so we turned it, as per the directions, so that all sides would be covered, but then a bunch of the stuff poured out, and there wasn't enough left in the tube to give him full coverage.

I was like, "Oh, well we can still do it, it'll just be a shorter candle."

"No way!" he said. "Tracie, I ain't goin' out like that." He insisted we start over, since he wanted it to be longest candle it could possibly be. At this point, with all the thermometers, measuring cups, bowls, powder and whatevs, my bedroom was starting to look like a meth lab.

We decided to take a break. All the stopping and starting of making out and oral sex and fingering that had been going on had proven to be really frustrating but also kind of an exciting form of foreplay, since we were repeatedly forced to put the breaks on. By the time we sat down on the bed together, we just started going at it, and after a few minutes, I was like, "Why don't we forget about the candle for now and you just fuck me." So he did. Twice.

In the morning, I melted the chocolate to put in the molds. They were expired or something and were all white. They look like Junior Mints but they're not.

I poured the melted chocolate into the molds and let them set for 5 minutes. My vulva came out looking like a diseased turd.

I'd like to take the time to reiterate that it DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THAT IN REAL LIFE. Got it?

And here's the cocklate:

I told you he was curved!

Okay, first of all, the sort of vibration used in the ring is not my steez at all. It's that unchanging, steady kind that's so fast it's almost unnoticeable. I need a chunkier ride. (Think off-road terrain or when something heavy and unbalanced is in the washing machine.) Beyond that, the battery only lasts for about 20 minutes. That's not so bad, but you should get some more time with it. Paying 50 cents a minute for subpar action. I know I sound ridiculous, like, "This sucks and there's not enough of it!" But whatever!

The biggest problem with vibrating rings is that they sit at the base of the dude's dick. The idea is that it's supposed to rub up on your clit when it makes contact. But in order to feel any of it, the dude has to keep his peen in there, and press the vibe up on you, so inevitably, you have to choose between the vibe and thrusting.

Here's my suggestion if you're into penetration and vibration at the same time: You lie on your back, then have the dude lie on his side next to you. Drape your legs over him — so it's almost like you're sitting sideways in his lap, except laying down — and have him fuck you that way. This makes it so you can be totally free with your vibe on your clit, without any awkward maneuvering or body parts in the way.

But anyway, as far as those vibrating cock rings go, it is nice to see women's needs addressed beyond "ribbed for her pleasure." (BTW, have women ever derived pleasure from, or even noticed, the ribbing on condoms?) And it does help to kill off the retarded stigma that only ugly old maids or lesbians use vibrators. So this is progress! We haven't necessarily arrived, but we're cumming.*

*I actually just plagiarized myself there.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzmmmmmmmmm ... oh ... oh ... oh ... oh ... [NY Observer]

I'm not usually one to masturbate in the tub, mainly because that means I'd have to use my hands, and my arms would get tired. (What it boils down to is that I'm very lazy.) I've tried some other waterproof vibes in the bathtub before, with varying results, but I'm always looking for the easiest solutions to life's little problems, so I was enthusiastic about the Fukuoku. That enthusiasm didn't last long.

First of all, when I turned it on, I got freaked out, because the noise the vibes made sounded like a swarm of futuristic alien insects flying toward me. It sounded even weirder when I wiggled my fingers. (I guess I couldn't hear it on the convention floor since everything was so loud there.) But whatever, I plunged it down there and moved it around different parts of my vulva to see where it felt best, not wanting to put it directly on my clit before it had the chance to warm up a bit. I could tell within 20 seconds that it was gonna suck. The vibes moved way too fast and steady, even when switching up the settings. There was no interruption or variation, so the vibration almost became like white noise — something mildly annoying that you learn to ignore.

I figured that I wouldn't give up on it yet, and that I'd try it out with some visual aids. So I got out of the tub, dried myself off, got in bed, and started watching some videos on XTube. (If you get the chance, you should watch this one, not because it's hot but because it's really funny. It's these college kids in a room at a party and drunk people keep coming in and interrupting them. NSFW, natch.) That plan didn't work out too well. I couldn't get anywhere even in the neighborhood of an orgasm with it. And on top of that, my fingers started going numb from the steady vibe.

I took off the Fukuoku, threw it across the room — it's so not worth $50! — and grabbed my trusty Hitachi. Will they ever make something that rivals the best vibe in the world?

Please know that from here on out, most links will be NSFW, as are the images after the jump.

So that picture of me above with that sex doll? That's a knock-off of a Real Doll. They are $5,000 (about $1,500 less than a Real Doll), and it's really obviously a jankier version. Some random dude walked over to us as I was feeling her up and he said, "Looks like my ex-wife. She couldn't cook, but man could she fuck." And then he walked away. I'm thinking those sort of one-way, TMI conversations with strangers is fairly commonplace here.

The lady working the booth wouldn't let me touch the doll's face, but I touched its "breast" instead and found out that it's made out of sticky material. (Either that or someone's already had their way with her). After we walked away from that booth, Jonno pulled out some Purell and I thought, "Oh, damn, good idea."

We turned the corner and saw the real Real Doll booth. The skin on the samples they had around were much smoother. It's kind of amazing to see them in real life, because they're just too realistic. Even the half-body versions were confusing me in my peripheral vision; I kept thinking they were people staring at me. And this display caught my eye:

You can swap out the peens for different lengths and girths, depending on your mood, I guess. When I saw all of them together I couldn't help but think about how everyone always raves about the buffets in Vegas.

Oh and this is the face of the doll that was featured in Lars and the Real Girl. (Not to be a square or a whatevs, but that poster of Ryan Gosling did a lot more for me and my vagina than anything else I'd seen on the floor today.)

There isn't much of a gay presence this year at the convention (or says Jonno, my tour guide), but I did meet these dudes from Naked Swords, an on-demand video site. Check out that bulge in the pants of the tan dude on the left.

Oh, so I've only got one toy so far. They wouldn't give it to me for free to test and review, but I got one for wholesale. It's called the Fukuoku Five-Finger Massage Glove. An older woman dressed as a cop with a badge that read "Sexy" used it on my back and it felt like heaven (I'll let you know how it feels on my vagina as soon as a I get a minute alone), while an older dude dressed in hospital scrubs was demonstrating an electric toothbrush vibrator on my neck and arms. He was a close talker. Oh, and then I caught what his hospital scrubs said:

That's "pussy shaver" in case you aren't able to make it out.

We didn't do the whole floor today, since we still have all day tomorrow. We were kinda exhausted and hungry and had a bit of mall head. But just outside the convention center, in the hallway, I saw these women, who were AWESOME.

They aren't working a booth or with any company. They independently put out a DVD, the name of which I never caught. And they were a lot of fun. I went to take a picture of them, and some hotel security woman came over to me and was like, "No pictures in the hallway." The girl on the far right was like, "She can take a picture of me if she want. Go 'head, baby. Snap. Snap-snap. Snap it, girl."

Tonight we're going to a Village Voice/Babeland party, so I'll be reporting back from that. I'll also be posting some fashion galleries tomorrow. I'm praying that I get into some major shit tonight. I'm thinking it won't be too hard to achieve. Anyway, this is just the introduction to my Vegas Diary. Now that I've got all the boring shit out of the way, we can delve into the debauchery tomorrow.

Oh, and as I sign off, here is the view from my room:

Rita Rudner! Her eyes are freaking me out.

Earlier: All Dolled Up With No Place To Go

Cuisanart Smart Stick Stainless Steel Hand Blender or Electric, rechargeable vibrator with clit tickler and vulva-caresser attachments!


Crystal decanter or G-spot stimulator glass dildo!


Cookie press or Suction pump (for him)!


Barware set or Over-sized bullet vibe with various attachments!


Crystal decanter or Double-penetration glass dildo for anal and vaginal insertion!


Holiday spatulas or Holiday spanking paddles!

Our favorite is probably this quote from the book For Yourself by Dr. Lonnie Barbach: "Research by Arvalea Nelson indicates that consistently orgasmic women tend to describe themselves as contented, good-natured, insightful, self-confident, independent, realistic, strong, capable, and understanding while non-orgasmic women tend to describe themselves as bitter, despondent, dissatisfied, distrustful, fussy, immature, inhibited, prejudiced, and sulky."

Women
Problem: Incontinence or a prolapsed uterus
Treatment: Kegel exercises using weighted barbells, balls, or spring-loaded devices.

Problem: Recovery from Cesarean section
Treatment: Increase blood flow with use of vibrating massager

Problem: Loss of clitoral sensation after hormonal changes from menopause
Treatment: Clitoris pumps or vibrating massager to increase blood flow and feeling

Men
Problem: Prostate disorder
Treatment: Dildo or prostate tickler to massage area and drain built-up fluid

Problem: Erectile dysfunction
Treatment:Penis pump

A Sex Toy A Day Keeps the Doctor Away? [Slate]
Related: A Slide-Show History Of The Vibrator [Slate]

Brothers Can Be Sexy!: "The Best of 'Human Nature' Sex Stories of 2007" has us pondering incest and the rules surrounding it. Saletan (again!) writes about everything from the abolition of menstruation to virgin shark births in this roundup, but his last item on a German brother-sister couple is what caught our eye. The couple is challenging the laws which say incest is illegal, arguing that such laws are outdated and that they violate their civil rights. They claim that their incestuous relationship is no different than any other coupling because they were not raised together and plus, they aren't planning on having more children.

There's No Shame In Liking 'Em Young: Slate writer William Saletan's external monologue about what the age of consent should be bounces around from 12, to 16, to 25, depending on physical and emotional maturity factors. Some girls are still making their Barbies hump at 14, while others are getting finger-banged in the school parking lot. The point is, the age of consent varies from person to person but certainly there's a difference between a moderately intelligent 16-year old choosing to have sex with her college football-star boyfriend and her older brother doing the nasty with his 13-year old neighbor. The line has to be drawn, albeit maybe a little bit off from where it currently sits, at 17.


"Big" Butts Are Popular, Have Racist Undertones: Despite what Glamour's Suze Yalof-Schwartz says, women have always wanted bigger, rounder, fatter asses and she should just get with the times. However, Feministing clued us in to a slight problem with the slideshow Oh, That Darling Derriere — it seems that, in addition to not showing any men with plump hineys, they also have included an icon of racism, Hottentot Venus (a Khoikhoi woman who was a sideshow attraction in 19th Century Europe) without giving any context about her place in history (aside from her prominent rump).


Kinsey, Schminsey: He may have been the first sex researcher to pols thousands about their desires, but he wasn't the most accurate, especially since he seemed to choose people who were neither representative of the American population at large. However, this reminds us of what has to be the most thorough pleasure poll we've ever taken (again and again and again) — the Purity Test, that blush-producing fun-filled activity in college dorm rooms everywhere. Take it again and relive the scandal.


Mad Cow Disease Is Not An STD: But the government thinks it is. Swedish sperm is hard to come by in the US nowadays. Unless you're Paris Hilton's mouth, of course.


People Still Think That Gardisil Is A Free Pass To Prostitution: The debate rages on between intelligent people and morons as to whether giving the HPV vaccine to teenagers is a necessary precaution in a cancer rampant world or just another excuse for dirty teenage whores to have sex.


Seniors Are Having Trouble Having Sex: Nursing homes are totally cock-blocking your grandma and grandpa from doing the nasty, even though a survey of 75 to 85 year-olds showed that most of them were still getting it on on a biweekly basis.


Vibrators Used to Look Way Scarier: The Rabbit freaks us out a little, but Not Your Grandmother's Vibrator, a slideshow of vibrators past and present, demonstrates that a frisky little bunny is just adorable compared to the heavy machinery and drill-like contraptions from yesteryear. Note: Vibes didn't always look so phallic!


There Are No (Sex) Answers, Only (Sex) Questions: Or something. Long-time sexperts, from Dan Savage to Dr. Ruth, reveal what decades of doling out sex advice hasn't taught them. Apparently, there's a lot!

Oh my god. My best friend and I did this with Tiny Tears dolls when we were ten years old, in my upstairs hallway, "hiding" under towels as we watched. I don't care if that's TMI, she grew up to be a lesbian and I grew up to be every other kind of sexual deviance [sic].

I played Playboy Bunny Barbie/Stripper Barbie/Gotta-Get-Paid-For-Sex-to-Pay-The-Rent-Barbie. I envy her though. I'd love to get regularly shagged in a Dream House with my closet full of clothes and shoes with my Ferrari parked outside.

My Barbie and Ken were never so romantic. They were more circus show, do the splits kind of sexers.

Earlier: Barbie And Ken: Amateur Porn Stars
Our "Barbie Electric Chair" Is A Bust; We Interview The Inventor

I'm Vacuum Screaming [The Sun]
Earlier: Procter & Gamble Loves Clean Teeth, Hates Dirty Thoughts

There are fecal references in both the Dallas and London entries; whoever wrote Kids maybe kinda hates their children, Travel features a photo of a dog wearing a ridiculous contraption and plugs Gas-B-Gone, a "fart absorbing cushion" and Seattle's review of a newly opened diner is written to the tune of "Casey Jones" by the Grateful Dead. "Trouble ahead/lady in red/Ultra-fresh BLTs and chopped salads will knock you dead."

[Daily Candy]

This is the Taffy Tickler, a silicone vibe/dildo with a G-spot stimulator, which retails for $27.99. Doesn't it look like a Yayoi Kusama sculpture?

PriveCo's 2007 Vibrator of The Year Award [AVN]

Adult Treasure Expo 2007 [YouTube]
Related:
Japanese Sex Toy Watch: Inside Adult Treasure Expo [Fleshbot]

Real Dolls, Real Creepy [Feministing]
Earlier: Japanese Men Like Their Women Really Subservient; Made Entirely Of Silicone

DailyCandy Everywhere wants us to drop $3500 on an ass. Not our own, mind you, but a 4-legged, miniature one with big beautiful eyes.
DailyCandy Boston seems to be implying that coffee mugs can double as sex toys.
DailyCandy Dallas thinks that ambiguous, pretentious sayings contain hidden meanings. They also think we should gain access to such phrases through expensive jewelry, as opposed to, oh, a fortune cookie.
DailyCandy Los Angeles seems to be out to offend the Gilbert and Sullivan estate.
DailyCandy Philadelphia thinks adult women still aspire to be the fairy princesses they wanted to be at age 5.

Pussy Foot [JT's Stockroom via Feministing]

Luckily for you, mypleasures.com features reader reviews. Check them out (along with a slightly NSFW pic) after the jump.

Looks pretty foxy, eh? But is it all that? Let's hear what the readers have to say:

" This is by far the highest quality of strap on there currently is. The leather is exquisitely soft, and pulls the sweat away from the body so you are not sore afterwards. The VacuLock system is great, and the attachments stay in place well, which can be a pain when it is time to clean it because you really have to pull hard! haha I could go on and on about how great this strap on is." KEIRA

Haha. That's kind of disturbing.

" Great product. My wife loves it. She loves to sexually dominate me making her feel like my equal in the marriage. Her vaginal pleasure and my anal pleasure is awesome." SOREN

Well Soren, if that's how you two want to end the sex war, that's fine by us.

" This device was awesome! My girlfriend had the two plugs in her while she rode me from behind with the tapered dildo attachment. I felt great for me and I can't remember her ever being so hot and wet from something before. Get it, you'll love it!" RON

Ech. We know it's a reader review, Ron, but really - TMI, anyone?

" I love this product. I just get turned on and climax faster and more than with my husband and I take it everywhere." WOODY

That must make for some interesting family gatherings Chez Woody.

Luxury Harness Collection [mypleasures.com]

It's pretty straightforward, you stick one end in your iPod, and the other in your vagina, and you're off and musically-coordinating your orgasm. Rampant Rabbits are hereby declared over.

OhMiBod vibratorhttp://www.theliberator.com/products_toys_ohmibod.php

We were all set to hit Bombingham Birmingham, Alabama later this month to visit our good friends and our godkids, who've been stationed in the southern city for a better part of a year. We've heard great things about Birmingham despite its hateful, violent past: great parks, great food, and a kick-ass civil rights museum.

Then we read this.

Not that we were planning on bringing — or buying — any sex toys on our trip (we took a break from them after we burned out our Hitachi Magic Wand 2 years ago), but it's only a little over 40 years after the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing and Alabama judges consider themselves the authority on public morality? Puhleeze.

This just in: Toys in Babeland to offer eco-friendly sex kit in April. Sorry, dirty hippies: it probably still won't get you laid.

Beyonce to appear on cover of new Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Take that, Jennifer.

Finally: Explanation as to why Padma Lakshmi, Tinsley Mortimer and Gwyneth Paltrow are successful.