Roy may be a recovering sex addict (he cops to "compulsively looking at Internet porn, Internet hookup sites, phone sex, multiple Internet identities on sites such as Adam 4 Adam, intrigue with straight men, flirtation, oral sex with straight-identified men, manipulation, and lying"), but he's also an engaging writer, and he seems winkingly aware of the LOLworthiness of his entire piece. As a director, he says he was initially uncomfortable being the "talent" on Sex Rehab, or, as he puts it, "the meat in this particular pie." Dr. Drew, meet Sweeney Todd.

While Drew may not be a demon barber, he is, according to Roy, pretty much a charlatan. Roy writes,

It was immediately apparent that while Drew may be an astounding drug and alcohol specialist, he knows very little, or anything, about the precise science of sex addiction. More disturbingly, he does not believe in God, which is a fundamental prerequisite to any 12-step program. (He admitted to me that he is an atheist.)

Drew apparently simply parroted the "thoughts and insights" of sex therapist Jill Vermeire, whose breasts, Roy notes, "fit snugly in duchess satin shifts." Unlike Roy, I don't begrudge Drew his atheism, but since the good doctor has been a main culprit behind the ridiculous proliferation of narcissism trend pieces, I was pretty gratified to read that "it comes as no surprise that Drew writes about narcissism because he genuinely wrestles with his own."

Some of Roy's revelations, while sordid, aren't particularly surprising. He writes,

First, I found out that all of the women on the show-Jennie Ketcham (the porn star), Nicole Narain (the Playboy playmate), Amber Smith (the model), Kari Ann Peniche (the former beauty queen), and Kendra Jade (the former porn actress)-had been wrangled and represented by a man named David Weintraub. He turns out to be a reptilian creature feeding off of the demi-fame of people like Sean Stewart, Rod's wayward son, who had been on a season of Celebrity Rehab.

And:

The Weintraub revelation shook me because I understood with sickening clarity that the women might not be on the show for the same reasons as I was. That they might not have any desire for sexual sobriety. That I might be part of a huge pantomime.

And, most hilariously:

The other disturbing fact was that James Lovett, a professional surfer, had been paid a huge amount of money to wear named products. Hence he wore socks on his hands and odd shoes, as every logo he wore would be logged and for that he would be reimbursed.

You mean ... reality shows are often masterminded by unsavory characters, and their casts often include women who have made careers out of being hot? And some of these women might appear on the show to acquire fame and notoriety, and not out of a genuine desire for self-improvement? What's the world coming to? Still, one aspect of Roy's article seems like nothing short of a miracle: as a result of the show, he actually got better. After a breakthrough in therapy, Roy found that he "could make different sexual choices in the future, ones that did not include recreating situations I had suffered with my stepfather when I was a child." The only obstacle, of course, was his newfound reality-show fame. Roy writes that "in Trader Joe's, people smile knowingly" and that "only yesterday, a gorgeous, straight 25-year-old man came right up to me and offered to give me the sexual equivalent of an 8-ball" (what exactly would that be?).

Roy's essay discusses two diagnoses du jour — narcissism and sex addiction. It also seems to illustrate two sides of Roy's personality — the serious patient disgusted at becoming reality-TV "meat," and the man comfortable enough with fame to write a Daily Beast article about it. Roy says his persona on Sex Rehab was that of "12-step anthropologist," but he might have more in common with the average reality show viewer — or, perhaps, the slightly self-conscious reality show viewer who tells himself he's watching "ironically." On the one hand, Roy disdains everything about Sex Rehab, from Dr. Drew to his fellow contestant with the socks on his hands. On the other, he clearly got something out the experience. Like our Self-Conscious Reality Show Viewer, he got a feeling of superiority. Of course, he also got something else that the Viewer can't really hope to achieve: healing. Despite Roy's claim that "we helped a few" ordinary people with the show, it's safe to say that when we watch reality TV, the best we can really hope for mental-health-wise is to break even.

Image via VH1.

Is Dr. Drew A Phony? [Daily Beast]

Amber is 38, but has never been in a committed relationship and finds herself getting hung up on one (unavailable) guy after another, which makes intimacy difficult, if not impossible, for her. Oprah asked Dr. Drew where the line is drawn between the "normal" type of obsession/stalking women experience after being rejected, and the kind that is categorized as an addiction.

I had exactly this reaction when I started Casper Walsh's tell-all in the Independent. Great, I thought. Another laddish tale of conquests and self-indulgence played off with Duchovny-esque excuses and crocodile tears. As women, we've grown cynical about what often seems a very convenient disorder. (Maybe not just women - when I raised the subject with my boyfriend, his response was "bullshit. That's just code for infidelity.") And, yes, the author initially comes off like your typical "I'm honest, that's all that matters" type so common in the world of the first person.

I'm sensitive; to people, places, sounds, everything. Discovering how to use this sensitivity to my advantage was key to getting what I wanted with women. I'd walk up to the best-looking woman in the street and nervously start talking. I'd be exactly how I felt: fundamentally shy, sweet and honest. The threat of humiliation and rejection was intoxicating. What truly disturbed me was my ability to use my honesty to get so many women into bed under the guise that I was interested in them long term. Back then it was never going to be anything other than sex...I got blamed for my behavior. Blacklisted as a "typical bloke". "You're all the bloody same." I was confronted, shouted at, slapped, punched, threatened with a shotgun, a handgun and an oversized knife. All it did was make the hit of success that much sweeter. I was always clear at the beginning of each encounter: "I'm not available for a relationship, I like you, think you're gorgeous, smart and I want to sleep with you." It never ceased to amaze me how often this worked.

We hear about the author's many conquests, his unhealthy relationships and dead-end affairs. I was getting irritated, and then I came to this: "I objectified women in bed, in magazines and on the screen. There was a lurking sense of the absence of morality and human decency in my behavior but as long as I kept a constant stream of women in my life, the potentials, actuals and the fantasies, I could keep the creeping demons of guilt and shame at bay." That sentence stopped me cold - it seemed, in those lines, that Walsh had stumbled onto something fundamental - not just about sexual addiction, but about our society.

You can read his journey for yourself; suffice it to say, reality comes to roost and he realizes he has A Problem. He begins the truly agonizing process of recovery - and if, like me, you continue to harbor skepticism about the condition's validity, this may help lay it to rest. It may not be Trainspotting, but the struggles Walsh recounts are very real, very painful, and very deep-seeded.

I carried on going to the support groups; made friends with people I would normally cross the road to avoid and began to look deeper into why I'd been running so hard for so long. My addiction to sex was, in part, my way of dealing with the abuse I experienced when I was 12 by a man old enough to be my father when my real father was in prison. I'd buried this under the sincere belief that because I was consenting I had no justifiable complaint – another barrier of denial. I contacted the police and went through excruciating interviews in a bid to track down my abuser. We never found him. The process was enough to lay the ghost to rest. ...Today, I put as much energy into my recovery as I did my addictive sexual behaviour. I go to my recovery meetings weekly. I attend a men's group, have mentors and mentor others. I work with sex offenders and help lead the recovery meetings that, in a nutshell, saved my life. It is still very hard work at times. But most of the time, I love it.

He ends the piece happily married and stable, even volunteering with sex offenders. It's a triumphant story, albeit a sobering one. As he says, "sex was a separate, dark and destructive part of me, set up as a child to keep me safe and separate from a world I saw as dangerous. At last, I'm integrating my sexuality into my life in a way that is boundaried, healthy and genuinely loving." This is no wink-wink tale of "what's a guy to do?" but rather an indication of the way abuse can scar. I know I'll give the subject more thought - and judge more harshly when people try to confuse this with mere self-indulgence.

Sex Addict: Confessions Of A Toxic Bachelor [Independent]

In an interview with Dr. Drew about the show, Rich Juzwiak pointed out that the show will make people wonder if they are sex addicts. Dr. Drew responds:

[W]hen it comes to sexual addiction, really you have to look at how deeply embedded in trauma that frequently is. Not everybody has trauma. People have periods of their lives where these things come up, and they might get carried away, let's say. That does not an addict make. That's just like when someone binge drinks for a while and then stops.

In this clip, the Jeff Spicoli-esque surfer James Lovett talks about masturbating until he is in pain. He also tells Dr. Drew that he has never contracted an STD, but upon a physical examination, he learns that he has HPV in his throat.


Adult film actress Penny Flame discusses how she has issues with emotional intimacy. When she entered rehab, her bags were searched for drugs and sex toys. She had several vibrators, dildos, and a pair of knee pads confiscated. Other rules in sex rehab are detailed in a a celibacy contract that each patient signed. It calls for no pornography, no seductive behavior, appropriate dress, dress, and worst of all, no masturbation.


What's odd, to me anyway, is that this sex rehab is co-ed. I would think that this would make the entire process difficult, if not impossible.


But perhaps the constant platonic interaction with the opposite sex is part of the treatment.

Says Benoit Denizet-Lewis,

To much of the general public, sex addiction is a punch line, a pop-psychology diagnosis or an attempt to explain away recklessness and perversion. But my sex addiction is unfortunately very real; it has cost me a job, romantic relationships, friendships and, on many days, my sanity and self-respect. I have checked myself into inpatient sex-addiction treatment centers twice. I have set up Internet blocking software — the kind designed for children — on my computer, only to buy another computer when the urge to go into chat rooms became too strong.

In one of the more raw and wrenching "Modern Love" essays The Times has run, Denizet-Lewis describes a trajectory of broken relationships, lost jobs and a search for oblivion, attempts at rehab and a final, desperately difficult road to recovery. His addiction begins with the validation he receives in chat rooms, then quickly spirals out of control.

But there were never enough reviews, never enough guys, never enough validation. Within three months, I had hooked up with 20 guys from online. Within six months, I was routinely skipping out on friends so I could spend nights in chat rooms. Within a year, I had essentially lost the ability to control the time I spent on the Internet. For the life of me, I couldn’t sign off.

As the author describes it, this is indeed real addiction, as uncontrollable and devastating as any substance abuse. But Denizet-Lewis himself seems to touch on part of its bad rep. "When I told one boyfriend, he said, 'Oh, aren’t all guys sort of addicted to sex?'" he recalls. In a sense, this is no more and no less than the ancient notion that men's passions are essentially bestial; as such, an inability to master them is in some ways a particular weakness - everyone has these feelings, society seems to say, you just can't control them. (It doesn't help that the term's probably been tossed around a time or two as an unconvincing excuse.) And because there is no obvious chemical opiate at work, the emotional "frailty" of this addiction can seem more glaring; an emotional neediness not veiled by any other vice.

But is sex addiction essentially a male vice? In this account it is:

We were a diverse group, including an affable husband and father arrested for soliciting a “minor” over the Internet who turned out to be a cop, a sexually abused and deeply traumatized gay man in his 30s who had started cruising parks when he was 11, a married corporate executive who couldn’t stop cheating on his wife, a minister who was fired from two colleges for viewing pornography at work and a cantankerous retired community-college professor addicted to pornography and prostitutes.

Not a woman in the bunch, although "nymphomania" is generally regarded as a female purview. But then, "mania" and "addiction" are two different things, and this in itself probably says a lot about our perceptions of sexuality. When women succumb, they are corrupt — when men do, they are weak. Sex, more than almost anything else, is still inexplicably tied to morality, as this account shows; however open we become, legally and societally, it can always be rendered something on the brink of sordid, held from it only by invisible tethers of control and 'healthiness.' As the author points out, even the 'cure' is different from other addictions — unlike, say, alcohol, sex isn't something an addict is encouraged to swear off of altogether; rather, they're expected to develop a healthy and 'normal' attitude towards it. Which is, after all, hard enough for anyone.

Facing My Obsession, in the Flesh [New York Times]

Janet's first husband was a millionaire drug trafficker, but she left him after all of their assets were seized by the government. The second time around, she married for love, but missed the money and partying lifestyle. However, the lack of the former did not keep her from pursuing the latter: Her second husband has filed for divorce, she's taken up with a 75-year-old boyfriend who lives in a trailer park, her wardrobe is limited to bikinis and sarongs, and she drinks a gallon of white wine a day. She refers to herself as a "lady of leisure."

Slate's Dan Engber discusses the history of sex-as-addiction in the medical community, noting, "the 1973 discovery of opiate receptors in the brain made it clear that our normal pleasure response is something like a scaled-down version of a drug high… If activities like eating and sex could activate the same pleasure centers as heroin, morphine, and cocaine, it was a small step to assume that repeated behavior might generate its own dependency." But Engber adds that shrinks are still arguing over the meaning of addiction in general. "Some argue that the euphemistic use of dependence has done little to eliminate the stigma associated with the condition," he writes. "Others see the medicalization of behavior—sexual or otherwise—as a form of social control."

Today's Wall Street Journal lists some of the criteria of sex addiction. Executive director of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health Robin Cato tells the Journal: "You need to ask yourself: Is this a secret? Are you spending money on it you don't have? How does it affect your job or your marriage? What would happen if you were caught?" The Journal adds that sex addicts are frequently narcissists, and whether or not you believe sex addiction exists, it probably doesn't hurt for people who think about no one but themselves to go through a treatment that makes them realize other people are affected by their actions.

Sex Dramedy [Slate]
Is Sex Addiction A Sickness, Or Excuse To Behave Badly? [WSJ]

Earlier: Not Quite Enough Sympathy To Go Around For The Sex Addict
Maybe So-Called Sex Addicts Should Enroll In 12-Step Programs

We're on the brink of a truly pivotal national election; devastating hurricanes rise up in the Caribbean each passing day; people are dying in Iraq; women are going missing, the center is not holding, people. And we're supposed to muster up that last bit of sympathy for yet another (I'm sure painful and unfortunate!) disorder? Especially when those who suffer from said disorder, according to an article in Newsweek, "feel like the world revolves around them"? And in addition, a therapist who specializes in treating sex addicts says, "There's a lot of narcissism and arrogance with people like this."

I try to be an incredibly sympathetic person to other people's plights. But in this big wide world, people who fuck too much are pretty low on my list of those to expend mental energy feeling bad for, hovering just above the pampered brats from Exiled who are forced to clean up elephant dung.

No Sympathy For The Sex Addict [NYT]
Another Kind of Addict [Newsweek]

Earlier: David Duchovny Needs Sexual Healing

• David Duchovny, 48, has entered rehab for sex addiction. Here's his statement: "I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family." Duchovy has been married to Tea Leoni since 1997 and they have 2 kids: daughter Madelaine West, 9, and son Kyd, 6. (Um, remember this?) [People]
• Oh, god. There's info floating around that Tea Leoni is secretly dating Billy Bob Thornton. And this old blind item ("What actor, Mr. X, is having an affair? The file on him is that he's screwing his (female) tennis instructor. Yup. His actress wife is going to become a Lion when she finds out!") seems to clearly be about Duchovny and Leon. WTF. [ONTD, Radar, Perez Hilton]
• BREAKING NEWS: Heidi Montag is McCain's Vice President. She says. [Extra]
• Barack Obama's Denver set was constructed by the designers who did Britney Spears' sets. It's Barry, bitch! [Extra]

• Richard Lohan, Lindsay's paternal grandfather, died yesterday after a battle with colon cancer. Michael Lohan says: "My father just, literally, died in my arms. I notified all my kids and my lawyer notified Dina's attorney. Let's see if she has the decency and respect to bring my kids to the wake and funeral. THIS will show her true colors!" [E!]
• Oh, and Michael Lohan is going to do a one-hour TV special that has 101 text messages from Lindsay and 60 tape recordings of Dina. [Perez Hilton]
• Lindsay Lohan has been "begging" Michael Phelps for a date. A source says: "Lindsay has been trying to meet up with him. They're both going to the MTV Video Music Awards next month." [Mirror]
• But wait! Michael Phelps is texting Carrie Underwood! They are "planning a quiet first date" near Carrie's home in Nashville. [ONTD]
• More from Michael Lohan: "Dina took a percentage of Lindsay's money when I NEVER took a red cent! All the while, I only speak out when something is wrong or needs to be made right! Dina is a money-loving, fame-seeking, self-serving deceiver, who comes from roots of the same. Meanwhile they say I seek fame! Ha! I am out there doing charity work, going on mission trips, working with the United Nations and trying to help my daughter while spending sleepless nights with a father dying of cancer…" [Perez Hilton]
• And! Still more from Michael Lohan: "Who's out of control? Whose life is out of control? Give me a break. Going from place to place, being dragged around by Samantha so she can make more money off of Lindsay being there when she spins...She's gone from making $7 million to less than a million a movie. Who's out of control?" [E!]
• Meanwhile: Lindsay's uncle, Paul Sullivan (Dina's bro), was arrested for allegedly stealing 9/11 relief funds. [Extra]
• Christopher Ciccone says Demi Moore once squirted breast milk at him at a party. Viva la leche! [Jossip]
• Jennifer Aniston: Guest starring on 30 Rock! [Star]
• Halle Berry is wearing a ring on THAT finger. [E!]
• Joe Biden has hair plugs. Oh, wow, they have old pix of him when he was bald! [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• Mackenzie Phillips spent the night in jail after her drug bust, but got out yesterday after posting $10,000 bail. First she was visited by half-sister Bijou Phillips and Bijou's boyfriend, Danny Masterson. Apparently when Mackenzie was busted at the airport, a bag of cocaine fell from her pants, she admitted to using heroin that morning and she was found to have "extensive" marks on her arms. A police officer asked if she was diabetic. She said: "No, I am healthy except for my drug problem." [E!]
• Is the new American Idol judge there to cover for Paula Abdul, who was "absent" a lot last season? [MSNBC]
• Charlize Theron went from the DNC to the Venice Film Festival to the Guggenheim Museum for a documentary about Valentino. Multifaceted! [E!]
• Remember how Solange Knowles told off a newscaster and then the video was circulated? She responds! She says she is "disappointed in the level of journalism right now." [TMZ]
• Decathlete Bryan Clay doesn't think Michael Phelps is the best athlete. "When you’re talking about the best athlete in the world, I think it needs to be somebody that’s well rounded, that can do everything well," Bryan tells OK! magazine. "I think that’s me at this point." Clay only has one gold medal, but he's on the Wheaties box. [MSNBC]
• At a screening of Guy Ritchie's new flick, RocknRolla, a scene about Russian immigrants prompted some drunk dude to start shouting, "Yeah all you immigrants get back home, go on, fuck off." He was kicked out, obvs. [Mirror]
• Homer Simpson will get a colonoscopy during the "Stand Up For Cancer" fund-raiser on Sept. 5. Animated polyps? [Page Six]
• DMX is sorta kinda cleaning up his troubled legal life: He needs to pay a court fine in Miami and deal with that skipped court date in Arizona. [E!]
• Danity Kane drama involving Diddy. [Rush & Molloy]
• O.J. Simpson was beat up by his own daughter??? [Extra]
• Vin Diesel's new movie, Babylon A.D., sucks. The director (Amelie hottie) Mathieu Kassovitz calls it a "a bad episode of 24." Diesel was late all the time, Kassovitz allegedly had a nervous breakdown, etc. Box office poison, which opens today, not that you're gonna see it! [Page Six]
• "I'm not supporting Nader for president… I will reluctantly vote for Obama." — Sean Penn. [Page Six]
• "Sometimes I think she has 'desperate character' written on her. The clothes we wear send a message. And I think that’s the message — I don’t think that’s her intention though." — Tim Gunn on Jennifer Aniston. [Just Jared]
• "For years, I tried to get producers to have Vinny sell his Hummer and buy a Prius. Then I realized this show is entertainment. I know that Entourage is often demeaning and crude, but there's also a lot of social commentary." — Adrian Grenier. [Page Six]
• "A friend of mine (a petite blond woman who works for a progressive organization) was wrestled to the ground by six cops/security-people because she had left her credentials in her hotel room. Maybe the cops in Denver should lay off the caffeine/meth/diet-pills/sugar-cereals while they're working the convention?" — Moby, on security at the DNC. [Rush & Molloy, via Blender.com]
• "As much as she does and says outrageous things and isn't the nicest person in town, I think that Blair is what a lot of people wish they could be. She's got really good fashion and she lives in a gorgeous apartment and she's got tons of money and she's very well taken care of, well coiffed, has beautiful boys surrounding her, all this stuff. I think that a lot of women also relate to her because she is imperfect and she has her insecurities. And also, she's quite sexual." —Leighton Meester, on her Gossip Girl character, Blair Waldorf. [Salon]
• "I made the decision to take acting seriously after high school. When I was in my Freshman year at college I took some acting classes and found that I fell in love with it again. I was never challenged when it came to acting as a youngster. I sort of just did whatever was given to me without asking questions. I didn’t really understand why I enjoyed it or why I did it." — Mary-Kate Olsen. [Mirror]
• "I don’t have assistants, bodyguards or even a driver because I try to pretend in my own head that this isn’t happening. I think a lot of actresses live in this cotton-wool world but I’m very free-spirited and I want to be able to live the life I do. I don’t court attention. I don’t go to other people’s premieres. I haven’t been out to a club in London for years." —Sienna Miller. [Daily Express]
• "I'm hoping that it’ll firm it up and shape it up. Everyone is asking if I’m worried it’s going to go away. No, it’s going to tone it up. I can use that" — Kim Kardashian, on what Dancing With The Stars will do to her ass. [People]
• "Today I read on a blog that I went to the doctor and he said I was overweight and I cried and went to Planet Blue (because I was blue) and bought 6 pair of size 0 jeans. Now it is ridiculous to read such nonsense about oneself so I thought I was would address this one...
  1. My doctor says I am right on target with my weight gain
  2. Have not been to Planet Blue in at least two years
  3. Love my maternity jeans ..they have stretchy tops it is awesome!
  4. My closet full of size 0 are being worn by Pete right now and he looks hot in them :)
  So now that I have cleared that up let me tell you...carrying a child is the most inspiring, emotional, amazing experience of my life. My weight and my pant size are the absolute last thing I am concerned about. I am only concerned with having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. People who talk and judge pregnant women's weight need to get a life!!!
  Peace and Love,
  Ashlee"
  [ONTD]

Amid the complexity of perspectives on the human psyche, a slow but relentless change is occurring in how psychologists view self-esteem, said Kernis. It was once thought that more self-esteem necessarily is better self-esteem. In recent years, however, high self-esteem per se has come under attack on several fronts, especially in areas such as aggressive behavior. Also, individuals with high self-esteem sometimes become very unlikable when others or events threaten their egos.

While high self-esteem is still generally valued as a good quality that is important to a happy and productive life, more researchers are breaking it down into finer gradations and starting to understand when high self-esteem turns from good to bad. In fact, it is now thought that there are multiple forms of high self-esteem, only some of which consistently relate to positive psychological functioning.

High Self-Esteem Not Necessarily A Good Thing [EurekaAlert]
Does Sex Addiction Exist? [BBC]
It's The Adultery, Stupid [Vanity Fair] (Where I got the picture.)