• Several sources say the real father of Michael Jackson's oldest children, Prince and Paris, is Arnold Klein, Jackson's dermatologist and Debbie Rowe's former boss.

• "He is the dad," said a source. "He and Debbie signed an agreement saying they would never reveal the truth." [Us]
• Nor is Debbie Rowe the mother! Sources tell TMZ she carried the two children but both were conceived by donor eggs and sperm outside the womb. As for Prince Michael II, the surrogate who carried him was never told the identity of the "receiving parent." Jackson's lawyer picked him up at the hospital and brought him to Michael. [TMZ]
• Also, Michael Jackson never adopted any of his children, even though he's not the biological father. When the kids were born there was no one else he thought would try to claim custody. [TMZ]
• But wait... Debbie Rowe's lawyer, says, "The vast majority of what is out there is untrue. Particularly hurtful and insidious is the most recent rumor — which is entirely false — concerning the maternity of the children. Ms. Rowe is the biological mother of the two oldest children." [Radar Online]
• TMZ dug up Prince Michael Jackson II's birth certificate. Michael Jackson is listed as the father but the space for the mother's name was left blank. Also, the birthday Katherine Jackson listed on court papers yesterday doesn't match the date on the birth certificate. [TMZ]
• The LAPD wants to talk to dermatologist Arnold Klein about drugs he may have been prescribing for Michael Jackson. [TMZ]
• During a "confusing, meandering press conference" Joe Jackson said the family still hasn't decided on funeral arrangements for Michael Jackson because they're waiting for the results of a second autopsy they demanded on his body. But he said he wouldn't be buried at Neverland. Joe also mentioned his new record company once again. Katherine Jackson has been granted temporary custody of Michael Jackson's children, and Joe said Debbie Rowe "has nothing to do with what we're doing." [USA Today]
• The doctor who was with Michael Jackson when he lost consciousness, Dr. Conrad Murray, won't be attending his funeral and hasn't spoken to the Jackson family since he saw them at the hospital where Michael died. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson's body was driven to the Neverland Ranch today in a 30 car motorcade. His body will be put on public display there this weekend. [TMZ]
• Legal papers say Michael Jackson's had $567.6 million in assets, but was $331 million in debt. Neverland was valued at $33 million and the Beatles catalog was worth $390 million. [TMZ, AP]
• Three of Michael Jackson's albums sold more than 100,000 copies this week: Thriller, Number Ones, and The Essential Michael Jackson. Jackson's albums may take more than six of the top ten spots on Billboard's Pop Catalog Charts. [Rolling Stone]
• In this video Ciara cries while talking about Michael Jackson. [The Life Files]
• Rep. John Yarmuth, a Kentucky Democrat, said he "was close to nauseated" by the House of Representative having a moment of silence for Michael Jackson last week. He said: "I thought it was outrageous... In my two and a half years, we've never done that for anybody else who's a celebrity. We've done it for former members, and that's about it, for former members who've passed away. … I basically got up and walked back to the cloakroom and got off the floor, because I just thought it was totally uncalled for and over the top." [Politico]
• After hearing that some Michael Jackson fans are suicidal, Jesse Jackson said, "This is a time when hearts are heavy. There is great pain but great cause to celebrate Michael's life. It made Michael happy saying 'We Are the World.' Don't self destruct. We fall down sometimes, we get back up. That's the right thing to do. In Michael's name let's live together as brothers and sisters and not die apart as fools." [E!]
• Will.i.am was producing Michael Jackson's unreleased comeback album. He says, "It was going to be out of this world. It's something Michael has never done before - a dance music album. I was very proud of it. But he was very protective and kept it under lock and key. After we made it I had to hand back every demo. He was a perfectionist and didn't want anyone to hear it until it was ready." [The Mirror]
• Before her death Farrah Fawcett reconnected with her ex-husband, Lee Majors. "When Farrah got diagnosed, and it became public, Lee started calling Farrah's close friends to get updates on her," said a source. "He did that for two and a half years. He just wanted to know how she was doing because he still cared about her as a friend." [Us]
• The future of Billy Mays' show Pitchman is in doubt. In this show, he and Anthony "Sully" Sullivan would travel the country looking for new products to promote. A Discovery Channel spokesman said that right now, "We're just focusing on trying to support the family." [UPI]
• Jeff Goldblum appeared on The Colbert Report last night to reassure Stephen Colbert that he's not dead, despite what he read on "The Twitter." Stephen wouldn't accept that he's alive, so Goldblum gave up and eulogized himself. You can watch the clip here: [N.Y. Times]
• Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker made a frantic plane flight to Ohio because their twins were born a few weeks early. "They were incredibly anxious they were going to miss the birth," said a friend, "Sarah Jessica and Matthew spent a very tense flight wondering if the girls would already be born by the time that they landed." They made it to the cesarean birth and were the first ones to hold the babies. [The Daily Mail]
• In the video at the link, Beyonce stops while singing "Put A Ring On It" at her concert and hands the mic to a man in the audience who proposes to his girlfriend saying, "Beyonce, you told me if I like it, I need to put a ring on it." She said yes. [Radar Online]
• Beyonce and Jay-Z went on a double date with Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin after the BET Awards. [People]
• Aerosmith drummer Joey Kramer says he hopes his new memoir Hit Hard: A Story of Hitting Rock Bottom At The Top will help other people. "Anybody that relates to stuff that's happened to me along the way — my anxiety, my depression, the drugs. If I can help someone, I'll have accomplished my goal," he says. [UPI]
• Coming to Broadway this fall: Hamlet starring Jude Law. [N.Y. Times]
• The "Madonna Nudes," have gone on display in London. She posed for the photos in 1979 for $30 and now they're being sold for £3,400 and up. [The Telegraph]
• We're tired of hearing about how popular the $2,500 Crooked Houses are after being featured on Jon and Kate Plus 8, but it is cool that the company is donating 10 percent of their profits to building underprivileged housing. [CBS News]
• Here are some racy pictures of Ashton Kutcher from his new movie Spread. [Perez Hilton]
• Anna Kournikova ended up with cuts on her neck after she was in a fight with a drunk woman at a Las Vegas club this past weekend. [People]
• Simon Cowell's hosting contract with American Idol will run out in May and he has reportedly been offered $144 million, about four times his current salary, to stay on for another year. [The Sun]
• George Clooney's production company Smokehouse Pictures hasn't renewed its deal with Warner Brothers and is moving to Sony. [N.Y. Times]
• A federal judge has ruled that Yoko Ono is the copyright holder of film footage of John Lennon taken in 1970. A Massachusetts company said they'd bought the rights to the footage of Lennon smoking marijuana and joking about putting LSD in President Richard Nixon's tea, but Ono says it was stolen and she's been buying up the copies. [AP]
• The following stars have been invited to joint the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences: Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, James Franco, Michelle Williams, Michael Cera, Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd. [Hollywood Reporter]
• At a screening of her film The Continuing and Lamentable Saga of the Suicide Brothers, which was co-written by her boyfriend Rupert Friend, Keira Knightley joked, "He cast me because he was trying to get me into bed." [Style.com]
• Max Weinberg wrote "know's everyone is upset im leaving the show....but ill stop by from time to time to say hi! thanks for all your support over the years" on his Facebook page leading people to conclude his hiatus from The Tonight Show is permanent. A NBC spokesman says, "This is untrue. He's coming back to the show." [N.Y. Magazine]
• The sixth and final season of Lost will run 18 hours, an hour longer than originally announced. [THR Feed]
• Kate Gosselin's upcoming cookbook Love is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories was originally due out in November but it has been postponed indefinitely. [N.Y. Post]
• "I didn't know if marriage was something that was super important to me... I didn't take the decision lightly. I ventured into it realistically. But life takes you places you wouldn't have expected. I'm really content with what was in the cards for me." — Mandy Moore on marrying her "best friend," Ryan Adams. [People]
• Johnny Depp says while making Public Enemies, he and Marion Cotillard "would sometimes speak French to each other on the set, especially when we didn't want anyone else to know what we were saying!" [The Daily Express]
• "If I could avoid a mirror when I brush my teeth in the morning, I would. I find security and safety in the most profound degree of ignorance. If you can just stay ignorant in almost everything I think you're gonna be OK. Just keep walking forward. It's OK to notice things and look at things but to judge things you know will bog you down. I didn't watch myself in the movie 'cos I don't like to be aware of the product. I like the process, I enjoy that." — Johnny Depp [The Mirror]

• Tracy Morgan's apartment caught fire this morning when a light bulb attached to one of Tracy's fish tanks burst. Tracy, his neighbor Sherri Shepherd, and all of the fish, were uninjured.

• Firefighters arrived within minutes and the fire didn't spread. [TMZ]
• Sherri Shepherd, who lives in Tracy's building, says she and her son are all fine, but the sprinklers flooded her apartment. Sherri says: "My son has lung issues, so I'm kind of concerned about that ... But I'm not pissed, I'm just glad everyone is okay. And I've got all my hair – all my wigs." [Ok]
• The housing crisis has hit the "OctoMom." The house Nadya Suleman lives in with her mother and six previous children may be auctioned because the mortgage hasn't been paid in 10 months. [TMZ]
• Angela Suleman, the octuplets' grandmother, says her daughter isn't interested in celebrities and never had plastic surgery to look more like Angelina Jolie. She attributes the change in Nadya's facial features to gaining 130 lbs during her pregnancy. [CBS News]
• TLC says they are not giving Nadya her own show. [UPI]
• Rihanna was spending time with her family recovering from the Chris Brown attack, but now sources say she has left the Barbados for an undisclosed location and is "staying under the radar." [E!]
• There are more details on Salma Hayek's Valentine's Day wedding to Francois-Henri Pinault. There were 12 guests, including Salma's mom and brother, the couple said their vows in French, Salma wore a white dress, and carried a bouquet of red and white roses. [People]
• The Academy has decided that if Heath Leger wins an Oscar on Sunday, his statuette will go to Matilda, but Michelle Williams will hold it in trust for her until she turns 18. [AP]
• Usher's wife, Tameka Raymond, was released from a hospital in Brazil on Monday night after spending 11 days there. She was recovering from a cardiac arrest she suffered while being anesthetized for a "simple liposuction." [Yahoo]
• Perez Hilton's feud with Lily Allen continues. Today the always-classy Perez posted a picture of Lily's vagina on his blog. [The Daily Express]
• The makers of Slumdog Millionaire have apologized to the Hope Foundation. In the film something terrible happens to one of the young characters after he's picked up by a "Hope Orphanage" bus, but there's no connection to the real charity, which cares for street children in India by providing residential homes, education and healthcare. [The Mirror]
• Solange Knowles has been released from this hospital after passing out in baggage claim at an airport. She explained on Twitter that she'd been taking too much Nyquil on the plane. [Perez Hilton]
• In honor of Seth Rogen appearing on the March cover of Playboy, TMZ has a slideshow of the eight other male cover models, including Steve Martin, Donald Trump, and Jerry Seinfeld. [TMZ]
• Studio executives have demanded that Guy Ritchie reshoot five weeks' worth of scenes in Sherlock Holmes that were filmed during the beginning of his divorce from Madonna because the first cut was not up to par. [Perez Hilton]
• The estate of Jimi Hendrix has won a trademark infringement lawsuit against Hendrix Electric vodka. The estate won $3.2 million and the vodka will be pulled from stores. [Yahoo]
• Here are Shawn Johnson's pictures from the new season of Dancing With The Stars. [ONTD]
• In these photos Bindi Irwin has a snake wrapped around her neck and lets a reptile eat out of her mouth. [TMZ]
• New pictures of Hugh Jackman rehearsing for the Oscars have been released. Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, Beyonce, Amanda Seyfried, and Dominic Cooper will join him for a musical number during the show. [Just Jared]
• Australian tourism operators are "very disgruntled" because they feel Tourism Australia's Baz Luhrman-inspired ads aren't effective. [News.com.au]
• Onetime Hills star Jason Wahler is being sued for a third time related to his 2006 alcohol-fueled altercation with a pair of tow-truck drivers. One of the drivers claims Wahler "committed acts of violence, threats of violence, and made racial epitaphs" toward him. [E!]
• It seems Blade Runner star Sean Young's time in rehab last winter wasn't successful. There's video of her drunk and teetering down the street after presenting an award at the Women's Image Network awards last night. [Perez Hilton]
• A judge has ruled that Gary Coleman's videotaped deposition regarding the lawsuit against him for allegedly hitting a man with his truck will not be released to the public. [Yahoo]
• Here are pictures of Margaret Cho and Wanda Sykes hugging after a pro-gay marriage rally in Sacramento. [ONTD]
• Diana Ross is going to be a grandmother! Her daughter Rhonda Ross Kendrick and her jazz musician husband are expecting a child. [The Daily Express]
• Canadian artist J.D. Fortune replaced INXS's late lead singer Michael Hutchence in the band after winning a reality TV search. Now they've kicked him out of the band and he's broke and homeless. [The Daily Express]
• Check out these adorable new photos of Tiger Woods and his 10-day-old son, Charlie Axel Woods. [People]
• Here's an interview with Tori Spelling about potty training her son, if you're into that kind of thing. [Time Out New York]
• Roman Polanski won't be returning to the United States. A judge acknowledged that there had been "misconduct" by the court in the handling of his teen rape case in 1977, but dismissed a motion to dismiss the case against the director. [Fox News]
• Dolly Parton will not be in the upcoming Hannah Montana movie. Producers asked her early on if she'd play her TV role of Aunt Dolly in the film, but then didn't write her into the script. Parton says: "I'm not in the movie. I wish I had been." [Yahoo]
• Mickey Rourke's agent will be his date for the Oscars. Rourke also says that despite rumors, he's not playing a villain in Iron Man 2 ... "right now." [NY Magazine]
• Chris Rock's little brother Tony was arrested in L.A. for a DUI and is out on bail. [TMZ]
• You can check out RuPaul's new music video for Cover Girl (Put That Bass In Your Walk) here. [Perez]
• "[W]hen you say fashion, it kind of connotes that I would like to be part of this fashion industry in NYC, where I would have to play games and, like, talk to a bunch of a—hole vapid girls I don't want to talk to. But then there's the idea of making clothes and being a clothing designer, and I'm more interested in that end of it. I just want to put out products and be the name behind the product ..." - Project Runway winner Jay McCarroll [NY Magazine]
• Viola Davis on meeting Meryl Streep: "She said, "Hi, I'm Meryl!" and I thought, "I know." The air changes when she walks into the room. It does. And I don't know if she realizes it-or maybe she does-and she's already a wonderful human being. She's completely relaxed, and if she's not, she just plays it very, very well. But she overcompensates to make you feel like you are a part of the whole. She does not want to take over, and I really appreciated that, coming from the neurotic place I was coming from." [The A.V. Club]
• "Now I'm in that middle-age place, age-wise, and youth is no longer really something that I'm a part of anymore. And that started happening for me when I was about 40, to be honest with you. I had my kids and my focus went elsewhere. And I think I've changed so much through having children ... inside myself. It's been a kind of evolution and a maturity." - Annie Lennox [CNN]
• Naomi Watts says Liev Schreiber has considered ways to get closer to their kids. "With the first [baby], he was like, 'I want the man boob,' " says Watts. "You can get those things. You can attach them and they feed through a tube. It's to create the bonding experience." [People]

• Britney Spears's comeback includes a stop at NBC’s Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony on December 3. Will she perform? Will she push the button and light the tree? Will she ice skate? So many questions. [MSNBC]
• Wait a minute: In this report, Britney says her new life sucks! "There’s no excitement, there’s no passion. I have really good days, and then I have bad days. Even when you go to jail you know there’s the time when you’re gonna get out. But in this situation, it’s never ending. It’s just like Groundhog Day every day. […] I think it’s too in control. If I wasn’t under the restraints I’m under, I’d feel so liberated. When I tell them the way I feel, it’s like they hear but they’re really not listening." B-but- you're doing so well! [The Sun]
• Brit's new CD leaked all over the internet yesterday, probably deliberately. Fans dig it. [The Sun]
• Barack Obama's barber in Chicago says the President-Elect doesn't mind having gray hair. "It's not like he has a head full of gray hair," says Zariff, who only goes by one name. "It's just a few gray hairs, so it's nothing to get excited about." Oh! And Zariff might visit DC! "I said, 'I'm going with you' [if you win]," Zariff told Obama. His reply? "Absolutely. I'm not changing barbers, man." [Us]
• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer had a romantic candlelight dinner. It's so on. [People]

• Have you seen Rihanna's new video, the one with Justin Timberlake? She slithers on the hood of a car, he's dripping wet in a wife beater. They embrace. It's HOT. [Concrete Loop]
• Jessica Simpson says her sister Ashlee may induce labor. What is she doing?
  "Different foot massages and stuff," Jessica told Ellen DeGeneres on her show (which airs Wednesday). "I don't know. I think she's really just jumping around trying everything right now." [People]
• Angelina Jolie was on BBC radio last night, talking about Changeling. There's video, so if you want to see her ignoring the camera, being incredibly reserved and looking down and being quiet, by all means, watch. [Perez Hilton]
• Angelina got super emotional while talking about her mom at a press conference in London. Tears! [Perez Hilton]
• When asked if the public could expect her to add to her enormous family with Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie replied: "Sure you can." [Mirror]
• By the by, Angelina's dad Jon Voight says he has one wish before he dies and it's "to work with my son [James Haven] and Angie again, in a movie. The three of us together. That would be nice." [MSNBC]
• Get psyched: Miley Cyrus will perform on the finale of Dancing With The Stars, just two days after her 16th birthday. Her song is called "Fly On The Wall," maybe you want to get the lyrics and sing along? [People, UPI]
• Jennifer Lopez loves motherhood and wants more babies. Cashmere onesies for everyone! [MSNBC]
• Tim Robbins has written an open letter to Gregory C. Soumas of the New York City Board of Elections. It begins: "I would like to publicly apologize for being such a dim-witted dilettante on Election Day. I was under the naïve assumption that I could vote where I voted in the last two elections." And it ends: "I was thinking of returning that favor by publishing your home address in this letter but then I thought that maybe one of the thousands of New Yorkers that were taken off the voter rolls in the last two months might not understand what a patriotic upstanding man you are and might show up at your doorstep with the misguided assumption that you are a petty vindictive corrupt scumbag." [Huffington Post]
• Christian Siriano: Engaged! He also might appear on Gossip Girl and says his next collection is "a little bit inspired by Egypt." Oh, and he saw the Victoria's Secret fashion show and declares: "Tranny Klum is fabulous." That's Heidi to you and me. [E!]
• William from Stylista has written a goodbye letter, in which he says: "I want Ashlie to win! Hands down! Team Ashlie all the way! She is, quite possibly, the only sane person (minus the hysterics) left on the show. Now, that's not to say that I don't like a little crazy, but honestly, I could sing Ashlie's praises all day." [Elle]
• Authorities found "multiple prescription bottles" by the body of Paula Goodspeed after she allegedly overdosed near Paula Abdul's house last week. [TMZ]
• An extra in a courtroom scene on NBC's Medium was so disruptive, he was kicked out of the jury box. Turns out he was Sasha Baron Cohen, dressed as Bruno. Guess Patricia Aquette didn't see that one coming. [EW]
• Lipstick Jungle: Not canceled. Yet. [NY Mag, NY Times]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt's trailer on the set of Ghost Whisperer was burgled. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson will not go to London, despite being sued by former pal Prince Abdullah of Bahrain. The cash was an advance, in exchange for two albums, a musical, and an autobiography. None of which Jackson has delivered. The trial started yesterday and continues today, without Jackson's presence; his lawyer says he is to ill to travel. [Fox 411]
• Courtney Love went on some kind of blogathon on Sunday, posting 60 times. Now she writes: "I didnt know that style.com would put all those links together, i dont ingest alchohol and to even make the merest suggestion of a Cr__k P–e is insane and mean.and a lie, wichyou know perfectly well." She also says: "i am not suicidal, occasionally very occasioanly like all of us i get depressed, and that was over a year ago and i had a mini little depression attack well big one, and the Lanvin show made me happier, i dont know quite why it happened but i find that mediciation is not the answer to this, working out and doing daimoku ( chanting) is as is yoga and eating correctly and i want somemore Kombucha tea i think that stuff is miraculous for glow and health. those things work far better than this chemical culture of numbing our rage and numbing our pains and demons." There's a [sic] on all of that, obvs. [Perez Hilton]
• Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour wer on Extra. They were asked why they broke up. Simon said: "Because Terri decided to dump me. You sent me a text." Terri replied: "I didn't dump you. It was just time. We had a great six years, and we're the best of friends." Simon denied that Terri got a £5 million "golden goodbye." He laughed: "If anything I should be getting the money." [Daily Mail]
• Russell Brand's girlfriend, Sydney Jo Jackson, is cute and curly-haired, but this paper says she is "equally barmy in the barnet department." [The Sun]
• Lenny Kravitz is having trouble selling is sexy penthouse, a "moody orgy palace" priced at $18 million. It's been on the market for six years; dreadlocked rockstar not included. [NY Mag via Curbed]
• What's in Julianne Moore's makeup bag? Kiehl's Original Musk, Tarte Cheek Stain in Blushing Bride, Olay Complete Defense Daily UV Moisturizer. And more. [Marie Claire]
• Jessica Lange has a book of photography and it is gorgeous. Click to see some black and white shots. [NY Mag]
• Brandon Walters, a 6 year old aboriginal boy who stars with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman in Australia, is suddenly famous, but Nicole says: "I feel very protective of him. If the film does really well he is going to need a lot of protection." His mom says: "If it does become a problem for him we'll just go out bush, get away from it all. Now he's at school, he's happy and never stops talking. The film made him confident. He's no longer shy." [Reuters]
• Seth Rogan wants to make a porno-based comedy for Showtime. It would be a series about three twentysomethings who learn about life and love while running a pornography shop, and it's in development. [Variety]
• Rashida Jones: Back on NBC! She'll star in Amy Poehler's new show. [Page Six]
• Beef between Damon Dash and Jay-Z: Kanye West is involved, as are diamond chains. [Rush & Molloy]
• Speaking of Kanye, 50 Cent says Mr. West's new album is "interesting" and that the public "won't forgive him for it" and that it's actually "T-Pain's album." Ouch. [The.Life Files]
• Celine Dion has been forced to postpone several tour dates due to a respiratory virus. Her people say: "Her physician has instructed her to refrain from singing in order to completely recover." [Perez Hilton]
• Heather Locklear: Formally charged with DUI after that incident when she was arrested in September. She's been charged with one count of driving under the influence of prescription drugs. [Extra, TMZ]
• Actress Heather Matarazzo was supposed to marry girlfriend Caroline Murphy in California, but now that Prop 8 has passed, she jokes, "We're breaking up. I'm going to get together with [MSNBC's] Keith Olbermann. We'll have babies, lots of babies!" [Rush & Molloy]
• Spotted: Natalie Imbruglia snogging Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas. [Mirror]
• Meg Ryan has won a German lifetime achievement award for best international actress and will pick up the statuette at a gala ceremony November 27. They're calling her the "queen of romantic comedy" and seem to think it is still 1989. [Yahoo News]
• Stan Lee and Olivia de Havilland both received the National Medal of Arts and the National Humanities Medal at the White House yesterday. [Washington Post]
• The Daily Mail apologizes for its "inaccurate" article about David Duchovny and his tennis coach. [People]
• "So how did Steve Martin and Maureen McCormick end up on a date? Florence Henderson knew Chevy Chase, who knew Steve Martin, who wanted Maureen's phone number. They had dinner and made out and the kissing was good, but Maureen was out of it. It would be their only date." [Huffington Post]
• This story, called "Producers' fury at George Takei for boldly going where he shouldn't have" is about how Takei urinated in the camp in the middle of the night on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Producers are pissed! [Daily Mail]
• So far, George Takei is the favorite to win the show! [Mirror]
• Katie "Jordan" Price and husband Peter Andre are not on the rocks; here is a picture of her wearing a giant "P" necklace to prove it. [The Sun]
• Mindy McCready, who was released from jail two weeks ago, says she isn't proud of an affair she had with baseball great Roger Clemens. She met Clemens when she was 16 but didn't have sex with him until several years later. "Roger Clemens is one of the most wonderful men I've ever known. He treated me like a princess." But! She says she now has "nothing but remorse and nothing but sympathy for what [his wife Debbie] had to go through with this situation, and she has my utmost apology." [UPI]
• Coming to Broadway: Priscilla Queen of the Desert, the musical! [UPI]
• Mary Delgado , a former NFL cheerleader and winner of The Bachelor in 2004, is out of jail after being arrested in a southwest border-town bar for unruly behavior. Drama! [AP]
• Cheech and Chong: Gonna get roasted. Not baked, roasted! [UPI]
• A poem handwritten by Sir Paul McCartney for his friend Spike Milligan is to be sold at auction next week. It's called "The Poet Of Dumbswoman Lane." [Telegraph]
• Five year old Beatrice McCartney is on her dad's new track, a Sir Paul ditty called "Two Magpies." [Mirror]
• Bogota, Colombia hearts Duran Duran. [Guardian]
• "'Climb every Mountain' is a beautiful statement of philosophy. Critics may think The Sound of Music is saccharine, but I think it's profound." — Jon Voight. [MSNBC]
• "I've gotten more stylish since I've been with my husband. I was always making fun of him because he has so many leather coats, jackets and shoes. But he looks hot. I want to look good for him. So I kind of stepped it up a bit." — Heidi Klum in In Style. [People]
• "There's no smoking. The lights never go out, 24/7. You can't cover anything. You can't even put your head under a blanket. All the cells have cameras in them. I was told, you know, 'You'll have your own cell.' But I didn't for the first two or three weeks; I had a cell mate. He got out – but not for long. He came back in pretty quick." — Keifer Sutherland on his stint in jail, in Men's Vogue. [People]
• "Pete and I laugh about it. We can’t win. If we’re smiling for the cameras they say we’re setting it up to gloss over the cracks. If we’re not together they think we’ve split up." — Katie "Jordan" Price on the breakup rumors about her and husband Peter Andre. [Daily Mail]
• "Yes, I have solar panels and all that sort of stuff. However, the more I learn about the subject matter, I also realise that people find it patronizing. They feel like they're being told what to do when somebody like me talks about the fact I have solar panels. Not everybody can get solar panels and not everyone can drive a hybrid car. It's not about blame or telling people how to live, it's just about saying, 'Let's all be aware of these issues.'" — Leonardo DiCaprio. [Daily Express]
• "In terms of my future as an actor and stuff, I don't know. I am in a place in my life where... I've had some great opportunities and I may just choose to have some more children. I've no idea what is in my future but I am very at peace with where I want to be. There are many things I want to do besides act." — Nicole Kidman. [Reuters]
• "Sometimes I lie in bed and I'm like, 'Oh my god, there's Seal lying next to me. What's he doing there?' I get a smile on my face immediately. Our honeymoon period is definitely not over." — Heidi Klum in In Style. [People]
• "We feed the chickens and the pigs — I have two pigs, and boy are they really pigs. They just get down in that mud and roll around. I like getting down in there and working in the garden. Oh, I want someone to build me a good chicken coop… like a man who can just get down there and build it…ooh." — Reese Witherspoon, on taking her kids to her farm outside of L.A. [USA Today]

Time:

In Zack and Miri, Smith flounders for a while in situations and gags that are frankly sub-Smithian. It's as if Apatow has swiped his mojo and Smith can't get it back.

Salon:

And maybe that points to the chief problem with "Zack and Miri": The jokes are forced, almost mechanical, in their crudeness. They're so carefully placed that they feel a little precious rather than spontaneous, which ends up defying that impulsive, animal thing inside us, whatever it is, that gets us to respond to crude humor in the first place. That's not a problem specific to "Zack and Miri Make a Porno." More and more comedies are offering crude humor as an end in itself, instead of a means to an end. You can almost imagine the writers of these movies, in the midst of struggling to make a line work, just tossing in some graphic or scatological detail as a stopgap.

I don't think that's Smith's way of working, but as I watched "Zack and Miri Make a Porno," I found potty-mouth fatigue setting in pretty quickly.

The Los Angeles Times:

Smith will, unfortunately, be going to hell for the inclusion of one outlandishly grotesque sight gag, one the movie (any movie) would've been better off without. Then again, the filmmaker's entire career has mined the fun, the possibilities and the risks of going too far.

His is an arrested-adolescent sensibility, like that of many who have come along in his wake, notably Judd Apatow and his various guy-centric associates. But Smith can write and, despite his subject and the free-floating, genial skeeziness, "Zack and Miri" has a bright, chipper look to it, thanks to cinematographer Dave Klein, a frequent Smith colleague. Wintertime in Pittsburgh never looked so good.

USA Today:

Zack and Miri leaves us wondering whether it's supposed to be mostly a touching love story or a crude comic romp. Certainly there's room for sweetness amid bawdy humor, but the fusion should be somewhat original, or at least believable. In trying to meld the two, it doesn't succeed at either. It may be too sickly-sweet for audiences drawn to the idea of a ribald comedy and too explicit and foul-mouthed for those who prefer their love stories to be romantic.

Wired:

Zack and Miri is not a beautiful movie, smeared as it is with outdoor shots of icy streets and slush-covered suburbs.

But it is fun movie to watch (brace yourself for the gross-out money shot that had audience members giggling uncontrollably). More substantial than Smith's previous efforts, Zack and Miri sticks to a breezy pace, when things turn from goofy sleaze to slightly standard romance. Wisely, Smith keeps the heartwarming part short and sweet.

Washington Post:

And, even though they've seen this formulaic, crude comedy before, they'll still probably sit through it, just as millions of filmgoers will this weekend. Why? Because, as tasteless as it often is, it's still funny. Which is the only test that matters.

The New York Times:

So “Zack and Miri Make a Porno,” in spite of its sometimes tiresome, sometimes amusing lewdness, follows a gee-whiz romantic-comedy formula that would not be out of place on the Disney Channel. Two best friends who have always been in love with each other discover that ... they have always been in love with each other. Granted, this revelation occurs while they are having sex in front of a camera, but it is so sweet and predictable that these potentially tawdry circumstances hardly matter.

Slate:

The movie's central joke—that loving, intimate sex, of the kind Zack and Miri will eventually have on camera, makes for lousy pornography—is both clever and affecting. And the scene in which the two friends finally get it on is one of the few aesthetically successful moments, as Smith uses two different soundtracks to contrast the lovers' ecstasy with their onlookers' boredom. But Zack and Miri keeps throwing away the opportunity to be more than a string of undifferentiated puerile gags. The moment these characters start discussing feelings, their dialogue turns stiff: Would anyone from Zack and Miri's uninhibited Generation Y circle be caught dead using the boomer euphemism "making love"?

Entertainment Weekly:

The simplistic message, however, is one any church pastor might give: Sex isn’t sexy without love, commitment, and fidelity. The established auteur who made Clerks (un and deux), Mallrats, and Chasing Amy may now be a 38-year-old husband and father who heads a successful production company, but he's still got cheap advice for schlumpy twentysomething guys like Zack. (Zack's notion of getting lucky at the reunion, FYI, is receiving a quicky handjob from a bitter, married classmate who's enraged because her husband is flirting across the crowded room.) The advice: Find someone as luscious and, amazingly, available as Banks' Miri, and the electricity will magically switch on by itself. Well, duh. Of course Zack and Miri are meant for each other — why else cast that huggable Fozzie Bear Rogen or the delectable Banks, who, let's face it, looks like the Girl Least Likely to End Up a Loser? When Zack and Miri do finally get it on — an intimate scene that even bad cinematography can’t ruin — their lovemaking, though strategically covered up, is the one naked moment of emotion (and yes, eroticism) in this otherwise coarse movie's whole tired, simulated premise. And still, Smith throws in a limp third act before the dunderheads can admit their obvious lurrrve.

The A.V. Club:

A lot about Kevin Smith has rubbed people the wrong way over the years, from his self-aggrandizing efforts to build his "View Askewniverse" to his vision of a world where regardless of gender, race, religion, or social status, everyone's adept at raunchy sex talk. Mainly, Smith's greatest sin has been writing and directing a series of indifferently shot, choppily edited comedies in which all the dialogue—funny though it often is—sounds like one long monologue split between an assortment of flat, cartoony characters. Nevertheless, Smith is clearly a bright guy with a good sense of humor—even about his own failings—so it's nice to be able to break from the ritual of Smith-bashing for a change and say that his latest movie, Zack And Miri Make A Porno, is honestly enjoyable.

Rolling Stone:

If there is such a thing as a stroke flick for your funnybone, then Zack and Miri is it. Writer-director Kevin Smith is back on comedy terra firma, after Jersey Girl drowned in goo and Clerks II defined backsliding. For those who wonder what happened to the Smith of the first Clerks and Chasing Amy, here's your answer.

Chicago Sun-Times:

And of course, awwww, Zack and Miri admit they've been in love along, and achieve something you never see in a porn film, lovemaking with barely visible sex and very genuine romance. Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks make a lovable couple; she's pretty and goes one-for-one on the bleep language, and Rogen, how can I say this, is growing on me, the big lug.

Premiere:

But pornos are like sausages — if you want to keep enjoying them, you don't really want to see them put together. If you're a scrappy and somewhat clueless outsider, the harsh realities of the jizz biz will fwap you in the face pretty quickly — and we're not just talking about the romantic confusion of screwing your best friend for money on camera. So in the spirit of porno, sausages, and ruining your lunch, I couldn't resist the urge to dissect some pieces of Zack and Miri's Fantasy Porno World.

Ain't It Cool News:

It seems a bit played out to talk about how Smith seems to borrowing from the Apatow way of doing and casting films, since Apatow probably borrowed a thing or three from Smith's brand of humor and way of generating material. If anything, ZACK AND MIRI is a tribute to how much these actors appreciate the ground that Smith broke as a writer and maker of low-budget comedies, and I hope Smith continues making films this complete and deep feeling. In truth, only Kevin Smith could have made the most romantic film of his career and still fill it with some of the foulest and most over-sexed language and situations in movie history. It's actually the perfect blend of every tool that Smith has in his arsenal, used to tell a sweet love story set in the world of amateur porn. I think I'm in heaven.

'Zack And Miri Make A Porno' opens today in wide release.