Jezebel
The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
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sephora
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The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
save your life, cheap!
How The He's Just Not That Into You Guy Actually Helped Me Get Over My (Married) (Strip Club DJ) Ex-Boyfriend
Tormented? Driven witless? 99 problems but therapy bills ain't one? Welcome to "Save Your Life, Cheap!" in which we write about the dumb things that get America's uninsured through hard times. AA meetings, James Joyce, Ani di Franco, suicide hotlines…anything nonalcoholic can apply, the more embarrassing the better. Which brings me to: self-help. In our first installment, Sephora Spy's Loren Hunt reviews the $1 book that got her through the worst breakup ever.
So, it's probably safe to make the baseline assumption that self-help books are not the kind of thing that anyone reads because they think it's cool. For some reason, self-loathing became more inherently cool than trying to fix problems, which would explain the aura of lameness surrounding self-help books: the corny covers, the corny catchphrases, the corny jacket photos, and the corny titles, which are invariably presented in a corny (and really large, readable) font. There are no cool self-help books. Cool people do not write self-help books. Happy people write them. And they could give a fuck who thinks they're cool. And you know who else doesn't give a fuck who thinks they're cool? A 23-year-old stripper who just used up every last shred of self-regard finally "breaking up" with the three-timing strip club DJ she had been fucking for the past year. And that, friends, is how I came to appreciate It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken, the second offering from Greg Berendt of He's Just Not That Into You fame.
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Loren's Lessons
Undereye Circles Should Equal Sexy, Not Sleep Deprivation
One of the new frontiers of plastic surgery is the undereye region. According to an article in the New York Times style section, doctors have recently discovered that a round of Restylane injections, which cost $500 to $800 but only last 6 months, is the only real way to get rid of undereye darkness, which is largely "a combination of heredity and genetics.” As our Sephora Spy, Jasmine told us a few months ago, all those creams and potions that claim to erase what your momma's genetics gave ya are a complete waste of money. As the lovely Jasmine said, "Too much undereye shit going on tends to make people's otherwise good makeup jobs look like they're going to a newscaster audition." Also, I have two words for you: Sophia Loren. Pictured at left, with no gunks of concealer marring her sexy visage, Loren looks gorgeous and sultry. I think Loren should be the poster-woman for the pro-circle campaign that I'm starting. More »
sephora spy
Can Foundation Really Be Waterproof? (And Other Details About The Next Generation Of Expensive Beauty Products)
Sephora Spy is back! Fresh from "SOS" training — it's the OT-8 of Sephoraologists! — our undercover Sephora operative Jasmine takes a turn for the scarily-technical this time around. Waterproof foundation! Hyaluronic acid! Uniforms like something out of the Starship Enterprise! Dimethicone-based foundation primers! And so much more. Estee Lauder and Revlon are just two fading giants in a Brave New increasingly multi-polar world of secretive $65-tinted moisturizer-peddling prophets like Perricone and rising giants exhausting the world's mineral supplies. Your questions answered, after the jump. More »
Recession Possessions
A recession is coming, and hoarding rice is not going to take your makeup off at night. An occasional series by Sephora Spy stenographer Loren Hunt on the cheap beauty supplies that will carry you through a credit crisis. •Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser: So ubiquitous that there is probably not a woman over 25 who has not already tried it, Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser has made its name by being the all-purpose, can't-fuck-it-up, good-for-everyone workhorse of the skin cleanser universe...[Click pic for more]
sephora spy
The Dumbest, Most Pore-Cloggingly Ineffective Ways To Waste Your Money At Sephora
You know the old maxim, "To shop at Sephora is to waste hard-earned money on something at Sephora"? Well, no one wastes money at Sephora like a Sephora cast member wastes money at Sephora, and today, our undercover operative Jasmine is going to share with you some of the dumbest ways you can line the pockets of LVMH shareholders. It's a particularly thrilling time in the life of our spy, who was finally accepted into the elite "Science Of Sephora" training program and is sucking up more juicy counterintelligence to Alger Hiss with us buying public as we speak. In the meantime, she tackles exotic new hair removal tools, crap that claims to cure under-eye circles but really doesn't, skin bleaching, and those "inspiring" messages on all Philosophy products. (Who gets paid to write those goddamn things anyway?) All this and more after the jump. Questions? Comments? Email SephoraSpy@gmail.com. More »
rag trade
Donatella Versace At The White House Correspondents Dinner: It Promises To Be A Blow Out!
- TIME magazine invited Donatella Versace to the annual White House Correspondents dinner, and she thought the invitations said white lines so she RSVPed. No actually she thought they said "Winehouse" Correspondents dinner. [NY Mag]
- And speaking of cocaine! George W. Bush's cousin Lauren may be a handbag designing ex-model but that doesn't mean she's completely reprehensible. [NY Mag]
- Sophie Dahl: the grandspawn of Roald Dahl who used to be an on-the-thick-side-for-a-model model until she stopped doing drugs and modeling and got skinny, has written a novel called Playing With The Grown-Ups. It's excerpted in...of all places...USA Today. Bored? Here. It features a dog named Ibsen, and would obviously be a lot better if he was the narrator. [USA Today]
- Jordin Sparks: the daughter of an Avon lady, she herself became an Avon lady a mere five years ago, at the tender age of fourteen, and then she became an American Idol, and as if this story could get any more inspiring — wait, it can! — she was yesterday named Avon's Chief Inspirational Officer. [WWD]
sephora spy
Mineral Makeup! Lip Plumpers! Oil Cleansers! Colonics? Sephora Spy Spills All, And More!
How did humanity even survive without some of the things we now regularly buy at Sephora? Yes, I am kidding. Today our Sephora Spy, Jasmine, is back, and, with the help of commenter LoMorale, she tackles your questions about some of the most common things you didn't know you needed before Sephora started selling them. Lip venom: is there anything to the pain? Mineral makeup: can you really sleep in it? Won't you break out? Oil cleansers: won't those also make you break out? "High-definition" makeup for making television appearances: crap, that's asking for a breakout. All that, a rigorous discussion of high colonics and what you won't hear from Jasmine while she's on the clock, after the jump. Not satisfied? Drop a line yourself to SephoraSpy@gmail.com. More »
the week that was
This Week Made Us Unbeweavably Tard
- Racist Barbie-fondler Allison was kicked off America's Next Top Model. We were not sad to see her go.
- Moddels in Bahlinceeyagga looked tard. The white-washed runways at Paris fashion week made us tard.
- But Christian Siriano's win on Project Runway cheered us right up!
- Obama foreign policy advisor Samantha Power called Hillary Clinton a monster. Then she got canned.
- Maybe she should ask Slut Machine for advice?
sephora spy
How I Conquered My Cystic Acne, In (Just!) 17 Painful Steps
Fighting acne is like fighting war. There is collateral damage. Things get worse before they get better. Whole villages of innocent, noncombatant pores stand in the line of our chemical weapons. And like war, fighting acne can be "controversial." Last week our Sephora Spy, Jasmine made an offhand comment about how acne can render a person "homeless," and some of you commenters declared mutiny. This week Jasmine is back to defend herself and what she feels is a just war on her adult onset cystic acne. It is, after all, her own experience with adult-onset cystic acne that launched her into the never-ending quest for a cosmetic cure and the accompanying lame retail job she works at to fund her, um, research. Because when it comes to the skin on your face, cysts aren't a shallow concern: They're deep. Really, really deep. (Which is pretty much also why they suck so hard.) More »
rag trade
Mary-Kate Olsen To Emerge From Hole For Fashion
- M-K Olsen is supposedly venturing out of her Salinger-esque hiding to attend the Giambattista Valli show today. [Fashion Week Daily]
- Too bad, because also in MK news: she is writing a book! With Ashley, about (what else?!) her inimitable style. We assume this means she'll also go on the road promoting it, as opposed to hiding it away to be unearthed at her death with her bottles of pills and thousands of empty Venti Starbucks cups. [Sassybella]
- Meanwhile, Giambattista Valli is a fan of Obama. [Fashion Week Daily]
- Erin Fetherston: The movie. Starring Zooey Deschanel and Kirsten Dunst. Based on Romeo & Juliet. We're, er, skeptical. [Nylon]
- Designer logos made with cocaine. [NY Mag]
the week that was
This Week We Binged On Ex-Lax And Tyra
- We live video-blogged the premiere of America's Next Top Model, menstrual cycle 10! We got really meta and Tracie's dog peed everywhere with glee.
- We admitted the most destructive things we did to lose weight. Explosive diarrhea resulted.
- But Elle told us that dudes find 'rexy sexy, and we believe everything we read in Elle.
- The Sex and the City trailer leaked! Carrie gets jilted! So does Miranda! Charlotte gets knocked up! But does anyone really care?
- We put orange pits in our teddy bears' heads with Marcy from The Cat Ate My Gymsuit.
More »
sephora spy
I Work Here To Feed My Sick Fancy Product Addiction; The Least I Can Do Is Help You
Remember life before Sephora? When lipstick was lipstick and foundation didn't need to be "primed"? Well, ever since the the Berlin Wall fell, Pakistan developed nukes and "cosmeceuticals" joined the Oxford English Dictionary (okay, not really, but!) the world of beauty has been much more complicated and perilous to navigate. And that's why we brought in Sephora Spy, our double agent in your personal War On Ugly, to offer up beauty tips (and a few wild war stories.) This week she gives us some tactics for buying eyeshadow, weighs in on how dirty the testers really are, and shares the riskiest thing she ever did to get clear skin — and yes it was illegal! She shares all that and much more with commenter LoMorale after the jump. Questions? Comments? Email SephoraSpy@gmail.com! More »
the week that was
This Week We Smiled With Our Eyes And Tripped Down The Runway
- It's fashion week y'all! Jennifer dutifully live blogged the Project Runway fashion shows at Bryant Park, and then spoiler-scared readers freaked the fuck out.
- Perhaps our model/columnist, Tatiana, was one of the bitches on the catwalk (or behind the scenes).
- Tracie went to the party for Chloë Sevigny's new fashion line, and the idiot assholes there made her hate life.
- But no one there was probably as big an idiot asshole as the one Dodai went on an online date with.
- This week we also cried, cuddled inanimate objects and reminisced about our gay high school prom dates.
- But you know, it's Friday. So go purchase some painfully expensive makeup, fuck a pizza, and indulge in some cocktails and dreams with fellow Jezzies.
sephora spy
Meet Jasmine, Our New Sephora Undercover Agent
Remember life before Sephora? When twenty-seven dollars seemed a good price to pay for jeans, but not, like, a blusher packaged in a little brown paper box? Remember when eyeshadows were actually sold with their very own applicators and "cosmeceuticals" was not a term? Remember when ten bucks seemed like a lot to pay for foundation? Suffice it to say, we at Jezebel consider Sephora a scam on par with Scientology, and we have long desired to find a spy inside the company to tell us how it works. Well, we found one! Her name is "Jasmine", and like a Scientologist, she speaks in code. (Did you know that when a Sephora employee insults another Sephora employee's outfit, the insult is known as a "gift"? Jasmine would like to be the gift that keeps on giving.) After the jump, Jezebel operative and beauty expert LoMorale breaks down the method behind the makeup retailer's madness and interviews Jasmine about her life and work. Questions? Concerns? "Pushback"? Email us! More »
rag trade
Kiki For Miu Miu: We're Not Buying It
- Kirsten Dunst looks almost as evil in these Miu Miu ads as we somehow believe she actually is. [Sassybella]
- The latest ads for British lingerie label Agent Provocateur features model Vahina Giocante playing "a bored housewife drawn into a love affair with a reform school tomboy." Um, based on this image, she doesn't look so tomboyish to us! [Vogue UK]
- First no black models, now no black customers: ck Calvin Klein Beauty Collection cosmetics for Caucasians only. [BellaSugar]
- This is what diplomatic disputes look like in Western Europe: The mayor of Paris v. H&M [WWD, sub req'd]
- Donna Karan: Still trying to cure cancer through yoga with her Urban Zen initiative. [NYMag]
There are some things in life that are just plain wrong: Banana and mayonnaise sandwiches, sneakers with built-in rollerskates, the Bush administration. Add to that list talking eye shadow. Stila's latest product — offered exclusively through Sephora, natch — includes a recording of a make-up artist explaining how to create the perfect smoky eye. For $38. Cheapskates, of course, can just go to Sephora, ask for advice, and get their eyeshadow applied for free. [NYTimes]
we are besotted
Normally, we loathe:
*The New York Times "Thursday Styles" section (almost as much as the Sunday Styles section!)
*Product placement
*New York Times stories that involve accompanying moneyed NYC teenagers to places invariably described as "haunts"
*Moneyed NYC teenagers. (And also: New York. Fuck this place. Will it never stop generating stupid new trends we're supposed to know about? Or aren't we distracted enough from important stuff already?)
*Sephora (Oh my god, Sephora. Motto: "We have so much fucking makeup you'll be paralyzed by choice when you're stealing a few swabs before the interview you're late for!") More »
Lil Mama Makes Us Want To Shut Up And Start Liking Shit Again
Normally, we loathe:
*The New York Times "Thursday Styles" section (almost as much as the Sunday Styles section!)
*Product placement
*New York Times stories that involve accompanying moneyed NYC teenagers to places invariably described as "haunts"
*Moneyed NYC teenagers. (And also: New York. Fuck this place. Will it never stop generating stupid new trends we're supposed to know about? Or aren't we distracted enough from important stuff already?)
*Sephora (Oh my god, Sephora. Motto: "We have so much fucking makeup you'll be paralyzed by choice when you're stealing a few swabs before the interview you're late for!") More »
