Jezebel 
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New York, 1:03 PM
Wed Nov 25
61 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/10/09
11/10/09
11/10/09
GET FUCKING TINY!
How to Photoshop yourself
into someone that
even your guy
won't recognize!
You're not skinny enough. #kellyclarksonself
11/10/09
Plus, right next to it on the newsstand I can pick up Shape, which always features the same bikini-clad body thigh-high in water with a different celebrity's head pasted on, and what's not fun about that? #kellyclarksonself
10/20/09
This says it all. They -don't- consider these changes to just be alterations, the language clearly indicates that they're taking this particular person, and making significant changes to make them correct. Not just more attractive, but actually fixed from being incorrect.
In my field of study (criminal justice), corrections is something that happens to a person -after- they've done something wrong. I suspect the editors of SELF have a similar meaning in mind. #kellyclarksonselfcover
09/10/09
I already have a self and I plan to let my self help itself.
P.S. - My self is making lasagne on Saturday.
Fuckyouverymuch,
MizJenkins
09/10/09
Were you blissfully thinking about a delicious lunch devoid of copious amounts of lettuce, beets and reduced calorie dressing? Well, think again. We know that you want to lose 8 pounds! Why 8? Because it sounds like a lot of weight, and yet attainable at the same time.
Can't pry yourself away from corndogs long enough to lose 8 pounds? Try the new Fat Shaming Diet by SELF! It's easy. Simply stare directly into the navels of these fitness models inexplicably huddled together in their sports bras. You'll never want to eat again (until you binge on a can of frosting in a low-blood sugar induced frenzy)! Now you can meet the goals we have not-so-subtly established for you!
If our SELF diet fails, simply use the pages of our latest print edition to start a fire and bake yourself a quick and easy Funfetti Fail Cake!
Regards,
SELF
Disclaimer: If you'd like to unsubscribe from our e-mail list, use your fat sausage fingers to click here.
09/10/09
09/10/09
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09/10/09
I'd rather take fitness advice from Michelle Obama. [jezebel.com]
Michelle seems pro-moderation, effort, and sustainability. SELF, you do not seem to understand any of those concepts.
To quote a former Jezeblle -- STFU.
Regards,
Sportz.Star
09/10/09
Stop telling women that we're not good enough. Stop telling us we're too fat. Or too thin. Stop telling us we need a man to make us feel good about ourselves, and supplying us with bogus ways to "reel him in". Stop suggesting that while it's "ok" or "cute" or "inspirational" for us to have career aspirations and talents and personal goals, we'd better smarten up and realize we actually only want babies. Stop talking to us like we're children and/or one-dimensional caricatures. Stop telling us what we want/need. We can think for ourselves, actually, and this shit is getting old. Ancient, really. Oh! Stop making us feel like we have expiration dates, and once we reach them, we should just start wearing elastic-waist pants and disappear into our cat-and-doily-filled houses. Stop being unfair; stop paying us less to do the same work. Stop trying to rope us in to these infuriatingly nonsensical "Mommy Wars". Stop making wrongheaded generalizations, like we're all bad drivers, or we all like anything pink. Stop fetishizing us and sexualizing our younger counterparts.
I could go on. But I'm just getting angrier as the list grows so I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.
Stop being assholes. There's your nutshell.
Thank you and best wishes.
Sincerely,
Women.
09/10/09
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09/10/09
@jigglyball: Let's see if this works...
09/10/09
09/10/09
Let SELF-hatred help!
09/10/09
Signed,
Girl who works out 4 times a week for 1 1/2 hours at a time.
09/10/09
Scale says: haven't lost a pound.
So I stopped weighing myself. ^_^
09/10/09
09/10/09
09/10/09
09/10/09
Flat abs - no problem. I just lie down on my back. Voila!
Slimmer by Saturday: define which Saturday we are talking about.
09/10/09
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