i'm a believer that certain cliches have endured precisely because they must often be accurate, at least to some degree. it may seem "unnatural," but it's also simple psychology that anything obtained without much effort is less valued.

 Reply

This book is so dear to me. It is at once a feminist social critique, musing on love and spirituality, and examination of the nature of love. It always makes me feel empowered when I read it. It may not necessarily be self-help, but what she reads about self-love is always what I need to hear (and learning to love responsibly is also pretty empowering too).

 Reply

Dating a guy who is bad at sex teaches you what kind of sex you DO want. Dating a man who doesn't respect you teaches you what you will and will not tolerate and if your level of tolerance for mistreatment is higher than it should be it makes it visible to you so you can take steps to lower it. And knowing who you are as a woman in a relationship (what your boundaries are, what you need versus what you simply want, what your sexual necessities are) is a really key piece of self-knowledge to have.

However that said it seems strange that she states a theory that women read too many formulas to keep them from heartbreak while ironically pushing a "this is the way to do it" theory of her own.

 Reply

THIS. Once I realized this I was satisfied. Not necessarily happy, because one can be depressed and heartbroken and wonder how long that need to keep being authentic is going to keep her single, but satisfied with having made that decision. And being true to myself might not end with a ring on my finger, but given the choice between the two? Oh please. Ring schming.

 Reply

Hey, if it's good enough for Dorothy Parker...

 Reply

However, I don't think it's odd that women buy the vast majority of self-help books because, quite simply, they buy the vast majority of books. When I worked in book publishing we always considered how women in the office felt about a book cover because we knew they were more likely to go to the store and buy it. In fact, women not only buy their own books but they buy most of the books the men in their lives read.

 Reply

I don't think I've ever read an actual self-help book, but I don't have a problem with them. He's just not that into you actually helped a few people I know. I've always thought that someone should write a good, non-touchy feely dating manual for guys- I think there is a market for it.

 Reply

sometimes we have relationship issues and yes, we want to read stuff that either validates us or points out things we might not have considered. personally my favorites was "Why Men Love Bitches" because basically it said, Get Your Unique Individual Life First! Then you won't be worrying about whether or not he's into you."

 Reply