Larry thought that if he could cast Cheryl as George's ex-wife, she'd be thankful for the role, and would want to take him back. Each one of the principal cast members were on the episode, but the best part of the show was Larry's interaction with Jason Alexander, who played George, the character based on Larry.

Why do some shows feel so incredibly dated now? Watching the introduction to Friends in its syndicated amber, I physically cringe with embarrassment. Why did I ever watch this? I wonder. And why are they dressed like that? It's like coming face-to-face with a middle-school friend who still wants to listen to Jagged Little Pill on a loop, and to boot has married her 7th Grade boyfriend. Maybe it's because a show was so popular, defined an era and a sensibility - people actually got that haircut, and people imitated Joey, and we actually all wore jeans like that. Hortense, high priestess of pop culture, had a good theory: "I think many shows go through these weird periods where the dated-factor hurts them and later helps them, because people start tuning into the show not as a relevant commentary on their lives, but as a reminder of what their lives were like at the time. You move from making fun of the show for being dated to making fun of yourself for the way you dressed/things you thought were cool in 1994, if that makes any sense."

I agree, but some shows are definitely more prone to it than others Seinfeld, which always existed out of time and never had anything to do with any discernible fashions of the moment, doesn't have the cringe factor, even if it's mellowed from must-see to Raymond-reliable. And Sex and the City, even if it dates itself from season-to-season, feels like a time capsule - like a 2001 Spring collection or something, albeit one you wouldn't have worn. Watching it, you know that they, too, (were they real and not 2-dimensional and underwritten) would scorn to wear a name necklace or an enormous flower or the weirdly androgynous wardrobe they saddled Cynthia Nixon with in early episodes. And, that said, I'd still find it very odd if someone replicated one of the glass-and-steel Cosmo palaces they visited on the show; those locations looked quite bad enough at the time.

Other shows, for me at least, age well. When the Gilmore Girls was on, I despised it. I was very vocal and annoying about it, too, and any timid endorsement would be met with a stream of criticisms of the preciousness, the ersatz cleverness, the incredibly grating, colorful townsfolk, the cutesy vocal scoring. Did I watch it regularly? Of course - the better to dismiss it with. And then I caught it in syndication a few months ago and was totally riveted. The character of Rory was so smart and serious! The references were sometimes clever! Was it saccharine and frequently twee? Yes - but in a world where Glee is hailed as brilliant, it started to look like early Arthur Miller. It seemed I was not alone. Two of my friends mentioned to me recently that they've fallen into belated love with Gilmore Girls. "It's sad," said one, "that as a 30-something woman, the only thing I can relate to is a ten-year-old show about a teenager."

Maybe Hortense is right, and when another ten years have passed, Friends will start to feel nostalgic and even iconic. But I'm just not sure it's good enough. I suspect things have to be really good - like My So-Called Life - or Saved by the Bell campy to really pass into the firmament. That's why this Central Perk seems so weird - it would be one thing if this had opened during the show's heyday. Surely most 20-somethings know it at least as well as a syndication bolster, and Jennifer Aniston as much as Professional Sad-Sack as hair role-model. Maybe it's strange, too, because the studio-set New York in Friends was so artificial, and I wasn't familiar with any comparable yuppie-havens; nor, had one existed, would I have wanted to patronize it. But what do I know? Apparently the place is going gangbusters, even though it's coffee-only in a tea town. And as for the "iconic orange couch," well, "there is no possibility of getting comfortable there, due to the constant disruption of people wanting their photographs taken on it."

Cafe Opening Stimulates Friends Fans [BBC]

• Jude Law got someone pregnant, but not Rachel McAdams' sister Kayleen  her rep (she's a makeup artist) says "She has never even met him." [Star]
• So. The mother of Jude Law's unborn spawn is:

Samantha Burke. She's an actress/model. Naturally. [TMZ]

• A source says that Samantha Burke wants Jude's cash! She expects "a large maintenance payment and financial costs, including a percentage of Jude's future earnings, agreed in writing." [The Sun]
• According to this report, Samantha Burke is from a wealthy family. Also, she looks good in a retro swimsuit. [Daily Mail]
• "Even Seth Rogen Now Hating on Katherine Heigl." He's talking shit about how she talks shit. And dissed The Ugly Truth: "That [movie] looks like it really puts women on a pedestal in a beautiful way." Plus: "I gotta say, it's not like we're the only people she said some batshit crazy things about. That's kind of her bag now." [NY Mag, LA Times]
• Carrie Prejean is planning to sue the Miss California USA organization for slander, libel, public disclosure of private facts, religious discrimination, intentional infliction of emotional distress and negligent infliction of emotional distress. This should be a big old mess. [Perez]
• Need beach reading? Three celebs have "written" new memoirs: Slumdog Millionaire's Rubina Ali; former Playmate Kendra Wilkinson and Good Charlotte's Joel Madden. [NY Daily News]
• Haterade Headline of the Day: "Tony Romo and Nick Lachey rebound with Jessica Simpson look-a-likes while she's left smooching a dog." [NY Daily News]
• Police chiefs suspected of "snooping" at Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate's home have been arrested. [NY Post]
• Emma Watson is related to a 16th century witch! Her distant relative Joan Playle was excommunicated from the Church of England for witchcraft in 1592. [E!]
• Eminem's new track, "Warning," is an answer to Mariah Carey's song, "Obsessed." He raps: "You probably think since it's been so long if I had something on you I woulda did it by now, on the contrary, Mary Poppins, I'm mixing our studio session down and sending it to mastering to make it loud, enough dirt on you to murder you, this is what the fuck I do... Mariah, it ever occur to you that I still have pictures?" [Yahoo News via E!]
• Amy Winehouse's wedding album: Found in trash. Seems Blaaaaake threw his copy away. [The Sun]
• Nora Ephron says she hopes Julie & Julia will remind everyone that before EVOO, there was BUTTER, which has now been demonized. "I just do not get that at all," Ephron says, since Julia Child and her husband lived into their 90s. "And they drank like fish," she says. "I don't believe that anything has to do with what you eat, if you don't overeat. All these people who think they can cut down on their cholesterol by eating those awful egg-white omelets. There's something I really hate. It is simply not going to make any difference if you have a couple egg yolks in your omelet." [USA Today]
• Will Katie Holmes be in the Sex And The City 2: Electric Boogaloo? A source says: "The character they want her to play is a really ballsy, high-powered company executive who tangles with Samantha." Sometimes you sort of forget she's an actress, for Xenu's sake. [The Sun]
• Jeepin' jeewillickers! Even though Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar named each of their 18 children a name beginning with the letter J, their first grandchild (from son Josh) will be named Mackenzie. Whether Josh and his wife will have 18 kids with M names remains to be seen. [Star]
• So much sadness: This report claims that Michael Jackson may have had collapsed veins and needle marks all over his body  plus  he may have been dead as early as 8:30 a.m.  four hours before paramedics were called. [ET]
• Warrants filed yesterday allege that Michael Jackson was an addict. It's a violation if Dr. Conrad Murray was "prescribing to an addict." [Yahoo News via AP]
• The Michael Jackson autopsy report: Delayed. [TMZ]
• How will TLC balance Jon & Kate's popularity with the family's right for privacy? Network exec Eileen O'Neill says: "It's a sensitive situation and we navigate that as we go along… It's the family's decision to be involved in the show… We want to stay with them as long as they want to stay with us." [Variety]
• What you'll see when Jon & Kate Plus 8 returns: "Jon and Kate have never said they were perfect," Eileen O'Neill says. "You're still going to see two parents that love their kids, but you'll see them parenting separately." [People]
• This columnist asserts that the return of Jon & Kate will help Kate's image. [MSNBC Scoop]
• And, because no one is sick of these people: Jon Gosselin (and Michael Lohan??) brainstormed a new show: Divorced Dads Club. [Page Six]
• Leonardo DiCaprio's ex, Bar Refaeli, has a new man: multi-millionaire Teddy Sagi, who is among Israel's top 30 richest men. [NY Daily News]
• BREAKING: Katy Perry and Rihanna have become inseparable. [Page Six]
• Mario Lopez says the Saved By The Bell reunion was a long time coming: "Everybody knew the 20-year anniversary was coming up. This People story has been in the works for over a year, long before [late night host] Jimmy Fallon started talking about it. We were all excited about it." But what's next? "Everybody is fired up. People keep coming up to me saying 'When are you guys going to do a show?'" [People]
• Mark Paul Gosselaar says of Dustin "Screech" Diamond: That's a disaster on so many levels… I don't know where his head is. I know probably as much as you know from watching things on TV." Plus, Gosselaar says that when he played Zack on Fallon last month, there was a reason he looked young: "I read a blog [where] some guy said, 'Dude, lay off the Botox.' I've never had Botox before. The wig was so fucking tight, it gave me a mini face-lift." [Newsweek]
• Penelope Cruz looked amazing at the premiere of Broken Embraces, but the airline had lost her luggage. [People]
• Penny Cruz: "I love London... but I have difficulties with the rainy weather." [Telegraph]
• Lost spoilers! CHARLIE. [E!]
• Details of the sort-of Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm, at the link. [LA Times]
• Lawyers are getting involved in that Twilight recasting drama involving Rachelle Lefevre. [E!]
• Viva la revolucion? Benicio del Toro, Bill Murray, Robert Duvall and James Caan were in Cuba yesterday. [Reuters]
• Paul Giamatti calls some scenes from his new film, Cold Souls, "sort of awkward and painful." [WSJ]
• Billy Crudup will join the cast of Eat, Pray, Love the movie, which also stars Julia Roberts, Javier Bardem and Richard Jenkins. [Variety]
• "Bandslam's account of a teenager's awkward attempts to settle into a new school remind former Friends star Lisa Kudrow of her own adolescence." [Telegraph]
• "Singer Peter Andre has accepted "substantial" damages over a newspaper claim he was unfaithful to his estranged wife, model Katie Price." [BBC News]
• "I really felt this film, which had a love affair with boeuf bourguignon, should come out in winter."  Meryl Streep on Julie & Julia. [USA Today]
• "I heard what he had to say and I knew at this moment my life would never be the same. Life no longer seemed like a series of Random events. I also began to see that being Rich and Famous wasn't going to bring me lasting fulfillment and that it was not the end of the journey."  Madonna, on first hearing about Kabbalah when pregnant with Lourdes. [AP]
• "Phoebe was so spiritual and 'out there'  and I wasn't at all. Not. At. All. If anyone was it was Jennifer [Aniston]. She introduced me to certain books that gave me an insight into that world – Phoebe's supposed world – which was a more spiritual realm."  Lisa Kudrow. [Daily Express]
• "My mom and dad were big hippies and I spent time on communes. I just remember the smell of soybeans everywhere. People were making all sorts of strange things out of soybeans: food, clothing, paper, everything. I suppose if I'd gone to military school, maybe I'd be pining for something like Woodstock. But I'm certainly pining for what it represents, and I think that's what Ang was really after with the film."  Liev Schreiber, on Taking Woodstock. [Style.com]
• "I don't watch Jon & Kate, but I still want to punch that Jon douche in the face.his smarmy,fat alcoholic bloat&Ed Hardy wear piss me off"  Rose McGowan. [Twitter]
• "The Jay-Z controversy is great. We couldn't buy P.R. like this. I think Jay-Z said he saw Auto-Tune used in a Wendy's commercial, and that pushed him over the edge."  Marco Alpert, vice president of the company which markets Auto-Tune, on Jay-Z's latest single, "D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune)." [NY Times]
• "Fuck you Katy Perry, you fucking stupid, maybe 'not good for the gays,' title thieving, haven't heard much else, so not quite sure if you're talented, fucking little slut."  Jill Sobule. [The Rumpus]

• The police were called to Lindsay Lohan's home at about 4 a.m. yesterday after her neighbors complained that she was playing loud music. She was ticketed for being excessively noisy. [TMZ]

• Ryan O'Neal and Farrah Fawcett have been together since 1980 and now he says, "I've asked her to marry me, again, and she's agreed." O'Neal made the announcement during an interview with Barbara Walters for Friday's 20/20. He added, "We will, as soon as she can, say yes. Maybe we can just nod her head." [People]
• Farrah has been hospitalized for at least the past two week in Los Angeles. "There was a moment last week when she was supposed to be released and was going home but things changed," says the source. Her publicist would only say, "She is still being treated for her condition." [People]
• As mentioned earlier, Chris Brown has made a plea deal and will serve five years of probation for assaulting Rihanna. Brown plead guilty to felony assault and was ordered to enroll in an anti-domestic violence program, perform 180 days of community service, and to have his travel vetted by a probation officer. He was ordered to stay away from Rihanna. [CNN]
• Though Rihanna had not requested a restraining order, Judge Patricia Schnegg called her in to the courtroom after Chris Brown left and said she had issued a stay-away order. Brown and Rihanna must stay at least 50 yards from each other, except at industry events where the distance is reduced to 10 yards. It's not a one way order, so Rihanna will be in violation if she gets too close to Chris. [MSNBC]
• As reported over the weekend, after 16 years of marriage, Jane Kaczmarek and Bradley Whitford are divorcing. And when asked about her love life in a recent interview, Kaczmarek said, "That's a big no comment." [More]
• Mercy James has been spotted outside Madonna's London home being held by a nanny. A friend of the family says, "The next few days are all about cocooning Mercy from the world and getting her used to being around her new family." [The Mirror]
• Carrie Prejean says the Miss California USA organization knew she was planning to write a book, but now a lawyer for the organization says, "There is no dispute that, although some discussions about the possible terms and conditions of a future agreement allowing Ms. Prejean to write a book were in progress," the organizers never "gave written consent to any such book, print article, or similar publication. Accordingly, her participation in the admitted book deal unquestionably violates the contract and appears to be a knowing and deliberate violation." [U.S. News]
• Meg Ryan will guest star in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm's seventh season, which will also feature a reunion of the Seinfeld cast. [The Sun]
• Beyonce's record label says she's not to blame for the cancellation of a launch party this weekend for her North American tour. Music World/Columbia Records released a statement saying the New York party was cancelled because of a breach of contract by the party promoter, saying Beyonce "was never scheduled to perform, but was to serve as a co-host and introduce singer/songwriter Solange's performance. Patrons were falsely promised a performance by Beyonce." [UPI]
• Bret Michaels has rescheduled two solo performance dates due to the injuries he received at the Tony Awards. A post on his website said, "The trauma caused by the now infamous accident at the Tonys continues to take its toll on Mr. Michaels throat as well as other physical conditions," and continues, "He has been shot at, had broken bones, severe lacerations and contusion not to mention crucial high and low blood sugar levels due to his condition as a juvenile diabetic yet has always done his best to make his way to the stage." [Rolling Stone]
• In this video Megan Fox talks about why she snubbed a teenage boy trying to give her a rose. She says she says it was dark and she didn't see him and apologized saying, "I'm sorry sweet boy I would never do that to you." [Perez Hilton]
• Kate Hudson has been spotted in the back of A-Rod's chauffeured car leaving various parties in Miami. [Palm Beach Post]
• VH1 has officially announced that Jessica Simpson will star in a new series called The Price of Beauty, which "takes Jessica all over the world to meet every day women. She may also discover some local pop culture icons on their own quests for beauty along the way. Jessica will study the local fashions, dietary fads and beauty regimes and even participate in some of the extreme practices she discovers." [PR Newswire]
• Perez Hilton has posted a video explaining his side of the attack that took place in Toronto. He claims Will.I.Am's manager hit him in the face "two or three times." [Perez Hilton]
• But if you don't want to take Perez Hilton's word for it, you can watch footage of the incident at the link. It starts in the middle of an argument between Hilton and Will.I.Am. Hilton is heard telling him, "you're not a fucking artist ... you're a fucking faggot." [TMZ]
• Patti LuPone stopped singing during a show once again, because she thought someone was taking a picture. At a performance last night she stopped singing and asked an audience member holding an electronic device, "What were you doing? I promise not to be mad at you. Just tell me, what were you doing - videoing? Taking photos? Texting? I really want to know." The fan did not respond and Lupone threatened to have him thrown out if it happened again, then continued singing "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina." [The N.Y. Times]
• Mel Gibson's girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, has released a video for her new single Say My Name. You can check it out here: [People]
• The IRS says Kevin Federline owes $14,371 in back taxes. [TMZ]
• Russell Crowe has responded to the rumors that he and director Ridley Scott are fighting on the set of Robin Hood saying, "Ridley and I have never made a secret of the way we work, we agree to disagree because in the calculation of both our opinions we create the best idea. There's no yelling, no diva bullshit, we are doing our jobs to the best of our abilities and try to do something special every day." [The Daily Express]
• In this week's People Chace Crawford mentioned Ed Westwick's "Velcro patch of chest-hair." Westwick responded, saying, "I'm just not a pretty little boy, now am I?" [People]
• Rita Wilson has dropped her lawsuit against Melissa Pearl, in which she claimed that a $75,000 1962 Beatles poster she bought for Tom Hanks did not come with the proper authentication. Pearl produced a document from Sotheby's proving it's authenticity so the case was dropped. [TMZ]
• Here's a lengthy interview with Justin Kirk of Weeds on what to expect on the new season. [E!]
• Robin Wright Penn was interviewed for the magazine Psychologies after her first reconciliation with Sean Penn, but after they separated for a second time earlier this year. "It feels good now," she said. "If it didn't I wouldn't still be here." She added, "All marriages have their phases. It's life. We go through it, if we're married long enough. If you're lucky you grow and you work it out." [People]
• Spencer and Heidi Pratt are coming back to I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here. They're on a plane right now heading back to Costa Rica. [TMZ]
• Stephen Baldwin quit I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! after insects laid their eggs under his skin. He explains: "I suffered in the first eight days of production, while in the jungle, over 125 insect bites on my body... and two of them, much to my surprise, became quite lumpy initially. Within about 72 hours they were these half dollar-sized lumps under my skin that were probably about an inch thick... So they tested these things and sure enough, Stevie B was 'pregnant.'" Medics removed the larvae from his skin. [Star Pulse]

• American Idol runner-up Adam Glambert has been vague about his sexuality, but a source says:

He'll come out, officially, on the cover of the next Rolling Stone. [Page Six]

• For the love of Zeus: Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer might be back on. Here is an actual quote from a "source" o the set of The Baster: "[John] wasn't calling her or texting her. But, as she got lonelier and the shoot for her new movie wore on, she started reaching out to him, sometimes very late at night and sometimes after a few too many glasses of wine." Boozy old lonely sad tragic drunk dialing! [MSNBC]
• Jen Aniston's movie is filming near her ex-roommate's restaurant; the roomie is the one who wrote a memoir and depicted Aniston as "weight-obsessed." Unscripted dramz. [Page Six]
• Pierce Brosnan saved Uma Thurman from an out-of-control van on the set of Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief! He saw the runaway vehicle "hurtling down a hill" towards Uma and jumped into the drivers' seat and slammed on the brakes. [Daily Express]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Nicole Kidman dyed her hair red and has a "poochy stomach," so clearly she must be pregnant. [Page Six]
• Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez have been dating for about a week but she is "already following A-Rod around." [Page Six]
• Order in the court! Al Roker got in big trouble yesterday for snapping pictures while on jury duty. [NY Daily News]
• Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman together on Broadway? Can your ovaries stand it? [NY Daily News]
• The ex-wife of Jon Cryer (aka Duckie Dale) has been arrested for felony child neglect. [TMZ]
• Is Demi Moore going to the UK without Ashton Kutcher? Well that would mean a woman acting independently of her husband! Sound the alarm! [Mirror]
• "Carla Bruni: I feel pain when people criticise my husband... and mock my low-heeled shoes." [Daily Mail]
• Will Susan Boyle bail out of Britain's Got Talent? At this point, she could get a record deal without actually finishing the program. "The producers of the show are going to do everything in their power to make sure she is there on May 30," said a source close to the show. "Whatever Susan wants between now and then, she'll have." [MSNBC Scoop]
• This report says that network bosses will not get rid of Susan Boyle, despite the fears that she's not coping well with her new-found fame. [Mirror]
• Before he joined the cast of SNL, Andy Samberg worked as a writer for the MTV Movie Awards. So the fact that he's hosting Sunday's show means he's coming full circle, in a way. He says: "It's going to be action packed. There's going to be some surprises - nothing I can divulge, but it will involve celebrities. It's going to be great. There's going to be some pre-taped stuff, some digital shorts-style stuff, and a lot of fun collaborations." [AP]
• The rules for I'm A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here state that there is to be "no bullying, nonconsensual touching, racist or homophobic language, romantic advances (at least ones 'which are not desired or returned'), assault or sex in camp." Can Heidi and Spencer abide? [Gatecrasher]
• Four words: Bridget Jones The Musical. [NY Post]
• Is Disney being cheap with Miley Cyrus? She's getting "only" $5,000 for a week of work to guest star on The Suite Life On Deck. [TMZ]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin spent Memorial Day apart: She took the kids on a boat ride in North Carolina; he was seen in an upstate New York bar with two women. [People]
• Here's video of the Gossip Girl cast talking about various things; Blake Lively has been traveled through Asia on her break from the show and is halfway to getting certified for her scuba license. Penn Badgley went with her and grew a beard, saying, "I looked like a homeless person." [E!]
• The Jonas Brothers do not fight, says Nick Jonas. "We get along very well. I think it's just because we have a different kind of respect for one another, being in the band together. We consider each other as equals. There's no picking on the youngest, it's just not that way." Boo. Zzzzz. [Mirror]
• "Her sunglasses gleam. Her skin is scrubbed, her body pneumatic, her vast white teeth dazzling in the sunshine. Meeting Kruger is, in fact, an almost entirely predictable experience. She is pleasant and pretty and punctual […] She looks extraordinary on screen, but disarmingly normal face-to-face. She is not alienatingly gorgeous […] bland, malleable beauty […]"  from a profile on Diane Kruger. [Guardian]
• Lily Allen will have a cameo appearance in the Aussie soap Neighbors. [Independent]
• Cate Blanchett's Sydney Theatre Company is thankful to Tom Stoppard, whose play Rock and Roll sold the largest number of tickets over the last 12 months. [Telegraph]
• So Mayim Bialik is the first celeb on What Not To Wear, but Stacy London and Clinton Kelly had some restrictions: the woman formerly known as Blossom doesn't wear pants or leather. [People]
• Sherri Shepherd will be taking WWE superstar wrestler Montel Vontavious Porter (MVP) to the prom. No, really. [Page Six]
• Dr. Dre appears in a Dr. Pepper ad, and so do eight seconds of his new, long-awaited album, Detox. [LA Times, Reuters]
• Comedian Zach Galifianakis gets a lot of big-screen time in The Hangover, which could make him into a movie star. [WSJ]
• NBC CEO Jeff Zucker says Seinfeld would not make it on TV today, since shows have less time to mature. [CBS News]
• An Australian woman was sentenced to more than two years in prison today for stalking American Idol's Diana DeGarmo over the Internet. [AP]
• Amy Adams will star in Leap, about a very detail-oriented woman who plans to propose to her boyfriend on Leap Day  "and things sort of go off course with the help of a very handsome, roguish Irishman." Matthew Goode is her co-star. [USA Today]
• Break out the jazz flute: Will Ferrell's in talks to do an Anchorman sequel. [NY Daily News]
• Emily Mortimer has purchased a house in Amagansett, Long Island. [Daily Express]
• Chris Martin has lost his voice and Coldplay had to cancel a show in Saratoga Springs, NY. [The Sun]
• Steve Martin's banjo music CD means the actor is on the U.S. pop album chart for the first time since 1981. [Reuters]
• Lucy Gordon, the Spider-Man 3 actress who was found dead in her paris apartment last week, apparently hanged herself, two days before her 29th birthday. She had just finished filming her role as British model-actress Jane Birkin in the biopic of Serge Gainsbourg when she died. [People]
• Phil Spector will be sentenced today. [UPI]
• The Rockabye Baby! CD has hits by Nirvana, Queen, AC/DC, Bob Marley and Pink Floyd  done in lullaby version. With the lights out, it's less dangerous? [The Sun]
• Blind item: "Which former newscaster was so drunk at a recent fete that she could barely remember her own name, never mind what day it was?" [Gatecrasher]
• "There are people who take the quest for youth too far. Madonna – she's from the show-off brigade. She makes my skin crawl. I call her desperate. I know she's got a wonderful willpower and beauty regime but talk about the ‘me' generation wrapped up in one! I think as you get older, you get the face you deserve. I'm hoping that good habits will get me through."  former Dynasty actress Stephanie Beacham. [Daily Express]
• "I tried really hard not to be who I am. I tried super hard. It was a difficult journey for me to come to terms and be whole and happy with who I am."  Kelly McGillis, who says coming out as a lesbian has not been easy, either. [People]
• "It is sad that Linda Hogan continues to attempt to throw her family under the bus to gain publicity. In terms of the ongoing divorce suit, Hulk Hogan and his legal team would gladly take Linda up on her offer to submit to a legally supervised drug test and certainly Terry would do the same. We believe the results would speak for themselves and reveal that Linda's idea of a good time would definitely not be appropriate for Mass or a family restaurant."  An attorney for Hulk Hogan. [Perez]
• "The Tonight Show means everything to me. I'll have good moments and bad, but I'll keep coming at it. At 4 a.m., I do wake up sometimes and go, 'Oh my God, it's The Tonight Show. But nothing funny comes out of reverence. I'll take care of this franchise. The key is to put aside the fear and say, 'Let's just make some people laugh.'"  Conan O'Brien, who plans to host the show "Until I'm 160, because there will be medical advancements. Fallon will take over for me when I retire at 108 to travel with my family. But it won't be Jimmy, it'll be his brain in a jar." [USA Today]
• "As I look around my friends' Tweets I see banality on all sides. I think if people were able to take these 140 characters (allowed in each post) and develop a poetic Western form - a haiku of our own in which all human existence could be compressed into those 140 characters - that would be a satisfying thing, but that's not what I see when I read them."  Hugh Laurie on Twitter. [MSNBC]
• "Tattoos are sexy. I love my name on a woman; it lets me know I'm serious"  Tyrese Gibson to InStyle. [Page Six]
• "I really want to work with Madonna. It doesn't seem a likely pairing, maybe, but I just think that she is so creative and has such vision."  Adam "Glambert" Lambert. [Mirror]

Marche argues that "brilliant, funny, and powerful women are retreating from sex" and uses the Tina Fey character Liz Lemon as an example:

The most complicated and intelligent woman in television comedy barely ever has sex. She doesn't sit on laps, either - "not a lap sitter," she tells one handsome date she brings home in the first season. (He turns out to be her cousin.) She admits to losing her virginity at twenty-five and accidentally reveals that she doesn't believe people can have intercourse standing up. Liz Lemon's low libido is one of 30 Rock's running gags…"

Things were not always so, Marche claims. He notes that just a decade ago, Seinfeld's Elaine Benes was "hilarious, smart, familiar with Russian novelists, an aggressive and demanding professional, and a woman who fooled around a lot."

Of course, Marche being an egotistical heterosexual man (writing in a magazine for men), his real complaint is that this situation is a "disaster" for men. "Until now," he writes, "feminism has been the best thing that ever happened to us, because it means we get to sleep with people rather than ciphers." Okay, your opinion! But it is interesting that lately, the female characters in the entertainment zeitgeist  from Pam on The Office to the shrill duo of Bride Wars to the chaste, bloodless pairing in Twilight  have sex as the last thing on their minds. There was a Sex And The City movie in which Samantha barely had sex. Seinfeld's Elaine had just as much sex as the guys on the show  maybe more  and was neither labeled a slut nor thought of as a some aberration of the norm. She was just a modern woman. A woman who dates men, and has sex with them. Revolutionary?

So Marche mourns the lack of Elaines in this world. Putting aside his needs  and what men like Marche want for a moment  wouldn't a smart, ambitious woman who has a healthy (meaning active) sex life be a great role model for women? Using 30 Rock as an example, the only choices shouldn't be the prudish Liz Lemon or the disastrous Jenna Maloney, who is all wiggle and no wit. Seems like the only ladies "allowed" to be sexual these days are the dreaded "cougars," and that label comes with its own mocking and derogatory baggage. So where have the loose women gone? Not you, or your friends, but the chicks on TV and in the movies? Let me know; I'll be watching Seinfeld reruns trying to figure it out.

Where Have All the Loose Women Gone? [Esquire]

• In case you hadn't noticed, a new Lindsay Lohan feeding frenzy has begun.

Does the woman have problems? Probably. Sure. This headline, however  "Lindsay Meltdown! Chugging Vodka After Breakup With Sam"  is just sensationalist. She was seen drinking, and crying, but her mom was there, sipping wine. So. [RadarOnline]

• More on this in Midweek Madness but: On this week's Us: Lindsay Lohan. Suicidal. [Perez]
• And Lindsay says she's in "absolute hell." [Us Magazine]
• Samantha Ronson is not, repeat not seeking a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan, and she and LL "are totally communicating." [People]
• Madonna has donated about half a million bucks to Italian earthquake victims; her grandparents lived in Pacentro, Italy, until 1919. [People]
• Howard K. Stern's lawyer says Stern is innocent and "no one enabled" Anna Nicole Smith when it came to drugs. Yeah, sure. [CNN]
• Rihanna is leaving Barbados after partying with her grandparents; she looks super happy in this pic snapped at the airport. [TMZ]
• Cops continue to investigate the shooting at Gisele's wedding; can't you just imagine bodyguards shrugging and feigning innocence while their guns are concealed under their jackets? [Mirror]
• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps  soon to be divorced  was seen singing karaoke while having a girls' night out, just like classy royals are wont to do. [Page Six]
• I'm not loving Rachel McAdams' hair on the cover of the new Marie Claire but what are you gonna do. She is a cutie, though. [ONTD]
• So Rachel McAdams took part in Marie Claire's book club, and read Prodigal Summer. She says: "I absolutely fell in love with this book. I don't think I got out of bed for three days-I was just eating it up. My favorite story line was the one between Deanna and Eddie Bondo. I found that totally hot. It was one of the hottest love stories I've ever read." [ONTD]
• You know how Paris Hilton has been saying Doug Reinhardt was "going to be" her husband? Apparently she is thinking about a summer wedding, maybe August in the Bahamas. Five bucks says no. [Mirror]
• Taylor Swift looks gaudy and scheming on the new eye-searing cover of Seventeen. [Perez]
• Jessica Simpson is "ignoring" Eminem's video, which is probably best. Also, she has not been dropped from her country label; she was "on loan" and continues to be on Epic records or whatever. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Zac Efron stars in an epic Funny Or Die video that's supposed to go up later today. Also in the clip: Brody Jenner, Joel Madden, Queen Latifah, Justin Long, Nicole Richie, Vanessa Hudgens, Carmen Electra, Brittany Snow and Lance Bass. [EW]
• Amy Poehler and a dead squirrel are on the cover of TV Guide. Amy dishes on the secret of her success: "In 1992, I met an old gypsy woman on the side of the road and she gave me a magic bean. I ate it and that was it. The hard part was I had to chop off her head after she gave it to me. But now look at me. I'm famous." [Just Jared]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, is talking about how she financed her in vitro: She inherited $30,000 from an aunt and worked overtime at her job in addition to the disability payments she received. [MSNBC]
• There' some kind of feud going on between Holly Madison and a Las Vegas TV reporter, but honestly? Yawn. [Perez]
• Meanwhile, Kendra Wilkinson has been hanging out at the shooting range. [People]
• Peaches Geldof went clubbing and someone poured a beer on her head and this is newsworthy. [The Sun]
• Lenny Kravitz got fan mail… from French Prez Nicolas Sarkozy! [Reuters]
• Helena Bonham Carter will be in Terminator: Salvation; apparently stills released this week show her with half her face shaved off and her brain visible. Bring it! [Independent]
• Can you picture Al Pacino playing Napoleon? It's gonna happen! For a screen adaptation of a children's book called Betsy And The Emperor. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rob Lowe won his lawsuit against his former nanny, by the by. She violated the confidentiality agreement she signed by telling everyone Lowe's business. [TMZ]
• Gorgeous and talented Sanaa Lathan will host Lens On Talent, a BET show for undiscovered filmmakers. [USA Today]
• Liam Neeson went to the 70th birthday party of Sir David Frost, on of Neeson's first appearances since the death of his wife, Natasha Richardson. [Telegraph]
• Tim Roth will play a "gnarled tramp" in Skellig, a family film to be shown on TV Easter weekend in the UK. [Telegraph]
• One of the choreographers from So You Think You Can Dance, who was arrested last week for alleged sexual assaults, is expected to be released without any charges pressed by prosecutors. Yeah. [TMZ]
• Jamie Waylett, 19, also known as Vincent Crabbe in the Harry Potter movies, was busted for having a cannabis farm at his mum's house. Maybe he needed it for his Defence Against the Dark Arts class? Herbivus inhalus! [Daily Mail]
• What the world needs now: A Seinfeld porn parody. [The Sun]
• For the love of Zeus why are they remaking Romancing The Stone?!?!?! [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which seemingly down-to-earth starlet is actually a wicked diva? When she wasn't featured as prominently as her other cast members in a recent photo shoot, she left the set in a huff." [Gatecrasher]
• Strictly Come Dancing is an obsession for my entire family. I don't watch much TV but I like that show. You will see me on Strictly or the US version Dancing With The Stars."  Emily Blunt. [Daily Express]
• "We were both looking for our walks, having this great time competing and yet helping each other. I tried all these walks, like that Monty Python sketch, the silly walks. I went to bars in Texas, trying to pass as Texan, trying to get something real. He got his walk, I found mine. And then I came into the make-up room and he shows up with these horrible false teeth that he'd gotten from his dentist. I was so jealous. I mean, I had a walk, he had the limp. But he had the teeth, too."  Jon Voight, on working on classic film Midnight Cowboy with Dustin Hoffman. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I loved the way [the author, Barbara Kingsolver] linked the interconnectedness of nature with the interconnectedness of human relationships. When she writes in the beginning that "solitude is only a human presumption," I thought that was so true. I mean, we all think we're the center of the universe, but we don't exist alone. It's that ripple idea that you cannot touch one thing without affecting another."  Rachel McAdams on Prodigal Summer. [ONTD]
• "I'll be a soccer mom. Like Posh Spice. I'll be there in my heels cheering on my kids. 'Go, team, go!' But I'll have no idea what's going on."  Miley Cyrus, on where she'll be in 10 years. [USA Today]
• "It's a serious crime and there's no doubt it's very disappointing  I was heartbroken by it. Obviously people are seeing an unfinished film. It's like a Ferrari without a paint job."  Hugh Jackman on the Wolverine leak, about which he is "heartbroken." [Reuters]

• Diane von Furstenberg attended the inauguration with her oldest African-American friend, André Leon Talley. She hobnobbed with Oprah and David Axelrod, then dressed up in, um, a ski suit to watch the swearing-in. [Financial Times]

• Poor Peter Som sounds like he's having a hell of a time. He left Bill Blass to focus on his eponymous line, only for his financial backers to, well, back swiftly away. The Cut asked how he was doing, and he told them, "Shit happens. Sometimes it's a lot, sometimes it's a little. So I think everyone's going through some tough times...Why don't you ask me some questions about Michelle Obama's dress?" Turns out he submitted sketches of a long, white gown  "I guess I was in the ballpark, right?"  but obviously wasn't Michelle Obama's final choice. The way I see it, while a Google bump and a Good Morning America interview might have given him some press, the fundamentals are still what counts. And his ability to design beautiful clothes women want to wear is, at least, recession-proof. [The Cut]
• Clearly Som is not the only one in fashion hurting. Abercrombie & Fitch, which had extremely poor fourth quarter sales, laid off 50 workers at their Ohio headquarters. The mall store sees itself as an aspirational brand, so it refuses to discount its wares to move units during any downturn  their sale-happy competitors have no such compunction, which is part of the reason for Abercrombie's double-digit slide in same-store sales since August of last year. Further layoffs have not been ruled out. [Reuters]
• For another view on the recession, check out this interview with Stefano Gabbana and Domenico Dolce, conducted back in September, just as the financial news was going from bad to awful. It's a snapshot of two men who, like we all were back then, are still grappling with the daily news of a world economy in a slow-motion crash. Says Gabbana, "The money hasn’t changed, it’s the mentality." Dolce offers, "Maybe we go well with crisis?" before pointing out a trend piece in Corriere della Serra about the financial crisis bringing people together. Gabbana shoots back, "Yes, but I’m also tired of reading this stupid stuff. I’m sick of it. We said the same thing after September 11. We just continue to do our job in the same way, maybe putting more energy, more fantasia, more creativity into it." As worthwhile a strategy as any. [Interview]
• Other designers plowing resolutely ahead without saying 'boo': Brioni, which introduced a made-to-measure suit that can cost up to $43,000 in October, and Hermès, whose limited-edition silk Josef Albers scarves of last fall cost $2800 each. The "elite of the elite" have bought 30 of the suits, astonishingly. [WSJ]
• Supposedly, LVMH's Bernard Arnault and PPR's François Pinault have buried the hatchet. What kind of world is it where two French luxury-industry billionaires who share a last-name syllable can't get along? [Financial Times]
• Iman compared herself to a duck in an interview with E! Canada. Because ducks look calm and collected, but are paddling furiously beneath the surface. A writer for the National Post, apparently unable to grasp why a supermodel would find an animal metaphor useful in describing her personality as opposed to her looks, takes this to mean Iman has body-image issues. [National Post]
• A stage manager who worked on the set of "Lipstick Jungle" is being charged with the theft of almost $30,000 worth of costumes. Designers who had lent the production their clothing and accessories noticed unreturned items going up on eBay. [CNN]
• Jason Wu is feeling the love this week. The 26-year-old designer of that one-shouldered white gown got his very own profile in the Times' "Sunday Styles" section, right ahead of fashion week. Reporter Eric Wilson mentions Wu was taking interviews in between working on his fall collection, but offers no further details of the intriguing fur-fest. (Wu told Fashion Week Daily fall would be all about fur. And "luxury.") [NY Times]
• Inaugural fashion coverage would not be complete without a lengthy, considered piece by Robin Givhan all about the styles of dress of the attendees not named Obama. [Washington Post]
• For reasons unclear, Spanish feminists protested a Zara store in Madrid. [The F Word]
• J Peterman, the company best known for "Seinfeld" gags and a real-life 1999 bankruptcy, is back. [MSNBC]
• Awesome lady Jane Birkin watched the Hermès men's show in Paris wearing an Obama pin. [WWD]
• Chloe Sevigny talks to the Times about her style, but gives no information about that unisex collection she's presenting this week in Paris. She does, however, shop for hosiery from a guy who is "like the Soup Nazi, but he sells socks." [NY Times]
• Meanwhile, Padma Lakshmi has a line of fine jewelry she'd like very much to sell you. [WWD]
• The Fashion Design Council of India has a new program: model rehab. It's like industry exit counseling, to get you a new job when the clients stop booking you. [Hindustan Times]
• Jim Horne, male model of the 40s and 50s, and first cover subject of the newly renamed Gentleman's Quarterly, died at age 91 in New York. The business certainly was different then. [NY Times]
• Women shoppers are increasingly angered by the poor construction of budget fashion items. Complaints because of unwarned shrinkage, fading, breaking zippers, running dyes, and embellishments that fall off at the first wear are up 22%. Let's not take it anymore! Until there is another sale at H&M. [Independent]
• Marc Jacobs has palatial new digs in someAndre Balazs-developed condo building in SoHo. It's 2,500-square-feet, presumably expensive. [New York Post]
• Pam Anderson's Vivienne Westwood campaign is out. Shockingly, the pairing results in a less than demure aesthetic...let's just say Pamela Anderson's breasts are prominently displayed. Which is more subtle than the pics themselves! [Fashionista]
• At least they're going out with a bang: Hartmarx Corp., the Chicago company that owns Obama Inaugural tux-maker Hart Schaffner Marx, has filed for bankruptcy. [WSJ]
• Kanye West "promotes" his new Louis Vuitton-collab sneakers in a bizarre new video. Which is to say, he proclaims that he's changing his name from "the Louis Vuitton Don" (?) to "Martin Louis the King, Jr." (?) then declares, "and until then, I will be in the building, swagger, until one hundred thousand trillion." [Racked]
• Speaking of odd collaborations, we don't even want to imagine what kind of douchey teen will carry the new Ric Owens Eastpaks to school. At the very least, the inkstains had better be solid gold. [Fashionista]

More than it reminds me of Seinfeld, it reminds me of the 1993 Mike Myers vehicle So I Married An Axe Murderer. At the beginning of the film, Myers' character is having trouble committing to any relationship, so he finds ridiculous reasons to dump very nice women, i.e., "She smelled like soup." This is only significant insofar as to remind you of the one other similarity between So I Married An Axe Murderer and Seinfeld: they're almost 15 years old. Get it together, dating columnists! I will leave you with this one marginally amusing anecdote from a very picky woman named Hope from the article

I've called it quits because of the way they breathed, because their face was greasy, because they were a Republican, because they were too timid, because they asked too many questions, because they wore the same outfit twice and because I dreamt that they were Tattoo from 'Fantasy Island.

Of course, it's ironic 'cause her name is Hope, and she is entirely hopeless.

"Single Shot: Need A Reason To Break Up? 'Seinfeld' Has You Covered [Seattle PI]