• In her new memoir, Auditions, Baba Wawa gives the dirt on Star Jones' and Rosie O'Donnell's departures from the View; On Rosie: "The premise of 'The View' is that of a team working together, but for Rosie it was more like Diana Ross and the Supremes, as little by little she took over." [NYDN]
  
• The problem with Miss Jones was not just her diva behavior (though Walters et. al. were embarrassed about her fiasco of a wedding to Big Gay Al) it was that Star made her View-mates lie about her gastric bypass. Walters writes: "Joy [Behar], in particular, resented having to go along with a lie that implied all one needed to do was situps and ingest one cookie instead of two."[NYDN]
  
• The septuagenarian Babs is so scandalous! She also talks about her adulterous affair with Massachusetts Senator Edward Brooke, the first black Senator since reconstruction. [NYDN]
  
• Jimi Hendrix's sex tape? A hoax, cries the company that owns the rights to Jimi's music. Sigh. We'll always have Cynthia Plaster Caster. [Reuters]
  
• Marilyn Monroe's sex tape? The FBI cries fake! It's amazing how many stars can issue denials from the grave. [MSNBC]

• Speaking of fake naked Marilyns, Lilo's alleged lady love Sam Ronson is suing the lawyers she hired to sue Perez Hilton for defamation. Sam Ron says the lawyers "grossly overcharged" her. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus is skipping a Disney appearance in Orlando the wake of her Vanity Fair sorta nudie pics. She didn't want Mickey Mouse's ears to turn red. [Yahoo]
• Pete Doherty: getting out of the pokey today. The Babyshambles frontman spent 29 days in jail, and according to a friend, Petey will "go straight to play a gig — and then get smashed," upon his release. Oy. [The Sun]
• More on Star Jones! NBA star Dwyane Wade denied a romantic relationship with the much-older Jones, saying they're "just friends" on the TNT show Inside the NBA. Inside co-host and consummate gentleman Charles Barkley added, "I like Star. She's a cougar." [AP via Yahoo]
• Uma Thurman took the stand yesterday in a lawsuit against her stalker, Jack Jordan. Thurman said Jordan's persistent letters, phone calls and visits made her fear for her life. Poor Uma! [UPI]
• Pam Anderson Lee Rock Salomon is holding an estate sale for her Malibu pad before she retires to Vancouver. She is selling a jacuzzi, among other things. Might want to steer clear of it — I hear the skeeze of Rick Salomon is water soluble. [E! Online]
• The Mariah/ Nick Cannon wedding — reportedly no pre-nup! If Cannon ever tries to lay claim to Mariah's vast collection of Hello Kitties, you know she'll have her unicorn cut him. [Perez]
• Even though Britney still doesn't have custody of her kids, she will spend Mother's Day with wee Jayden James and Sean Preston. Aw. [MSNBC]
• This headline says it all: "Rob Lowe's ex-nanny discusses her countersuit, cries." [AP via Yahoo]

Father's Day Of The Future For Celebrities [YouTube]

I mean, it's not her fault she married a scumbag, turned into a schlump, nearly killed her baby three times, waved goodbye to her career and incubated a second spawn of the devil. It's all the fault of that pesky media! Let's burn them!!!

Okay, maybe not.

Instead, why don't we make drawings and write poems and sculpt things in Playdough. And then we can send them to our beloved Britney. Except we don't know her address, so she probably won't get them, and even if she did get them she'd probably just pop some cheez whizz on them and eat them, but doing stuff like this is really important because it could change history.

Here's my artistic rendering of Britney to get us all started. I call it "Britney - finally at peace with her inner goddess and really happy with Kevin Federline who is a talented musician, and her baby is fine, so just leave her alone you bastard fucking bastards".

My therapist says it shows an innate understanding of form and color:

Oh yeah. One rule - nothing pornographic. So I don't want to be seeing any more impressionistic Britney split beavers, britneyloonyforever123. 'Mkay?

And coolbritneyfan1000! - this time we won't be accepting the words "Kevin Federline is a cunt" written 2,000 times on closely-ruled paper, in green ink. I've told you before, it's not a poem.

So come on people! Britney needs us! Even though she's really great and there's absolutely NOTHING WRONG in her life.

britneylover87
[Loving Britney since (my head injury in) 2003!]

Predictably, all the celebrity weeklies pile onto Britney this week for yet again proving that she is a SLUT who married a PIG and turned out to be a BAD MOTHER who is KILLING HER SON. They won't be satisfied until she's hauled up in court for slitting his throat with a butcher's knife in a Federline-inspired satanic sex ritual.

But luckily, Al Gore's baby is here to help. Over at saveseanpreston.org they're organizing a petition. And what do they want?

"Therefore, this petition seeks to require Britney Jean Spears, and child guardians of all ages and levels of experience, to use proper safety measures to protect children from physical harm, when transporting them.

We would like to petition that child guardians be required to carry children in protective carriers, such as babyseats, strollers or baby carriers worn upon the body.

Please add your signature below to show your support of our request, in honor of Sean Preston Federline, that Britney Jean Spears, and guardians of children everywhere, ensure their physical safety and well-being."

And I'm sure that the Gods of the interent will be sure to require Britney Jean Spears to do precisely that.

In Touch manages to fill an easy page - just bung a whole bunch of readers polls on it. Well, deadlines are bitches, and any easy single is a gift.

One of the 'burning questions of the week' they ask is: 'Who's the better parent? Kevin or Britney?'

Now fair enough, Britney's got a long way to go before she makes mother of the year, what with high chair malfunctions, car seat blunders and potentially lethal espadrilles, but I'd love to meet the 28% of readers who think that skanky wannabe rapper baby-daddy K-Fed makes a better parent to Sean Preston Federline.

Maybe they're smoking what he's smoking.