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Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
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Her Grace: SNOWED IN
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
My mom and I are alike in a lot of ways already, but I hope that I parent in a more concious, concientious way. She did the best that she could and I appreciate it, but I have more information available to me now and hope I can do better when I have a kid or two.
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MissBuckyC
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
I've been trying and trying to master my mother's famous "Hairy Eyeball"- a glare of absolute fearsome power over spouses and offspring alike- but to no avail. It works on the Mate but not the Mite.
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limber
08/10/09

@MissBuckyC: May I suggest the technique known in our family as "Red Tide Rising?" It's a little more complex than "Hairy Eyeball", in that it's a slow, inexorable build to some sort of nuclear level of rage. The nuclear rage is never unleashed, mind you -- but the Mites know it's there, bubbling right under the surface, ready to kill them where they stand. It's just through the supreme effort and control of the parent that the Mites continue to draw breath.
As you can imagine, it had quite the effect on us. It's the Blue Steel of Mom looks.
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whynotshesaid
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
If I turn into my mother, I will cry. She is an amazing woman, but a terrible mother. For instance: she just spent thousands of dollars to buy a muscle car for my 22-year-old brother (his second), who lives in her basement, smokes weed all the time and doesn't have a job. She lets him get away with all of this because she insists he has autism. (He does not.)

If I have a son and I do that with him, just shoot me and put my kid into foster care, because he'd be better off.
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Edited by whynotshesaid at 08/09/09 7:00 PM whynotshesaid was starred whynotshesaid was unstarred

Sophie needs to study...damn
08/09/09

@whynotshesaid: I got my shotgun right here. Just tell me where to shoot.
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limber
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
My mom's pretty kickass, so I'm not that worried, but my sister and I have noticed the Momening from around 16 onwards. It's absolutely getting worse with age; it's a source of hilarity, we do it and then immediately run to the nearest phone to rat ourselves out.

The one thing I will NOT do is fuck up my kid by projecting upon her my own twisted relationship to food and body image. That said, I'm sure I'll manage to find my own unique version of an unforgivable parenting mistake.
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Edited by limber at 08/09/09 5:54 PM limber was starred limber was unstarred

randomnessish
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
I think that my mother's varying and plentiful mental disorders are going to be the difference between her way of raising me, and the way I'd ever raise any theoretical children. Sure, I'll probably get some quirks of hers (and I already have), but I don't think I'm going to attack any children with various metal kitchen instruments.
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gangey
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
My mother has anxiety disorder, and while she was an absolutely great mom, I feel like that big difference between us has kept me from parenting in a similar way. She stayed home almost all of the time because of her anxiety, and did the cuddly babytalk thing with us. I'm much more like my dad was: patient, but full of jokes and outings and running around.
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ginseng_you_sing
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
Even though I hated it, my mother's technique of using guilt to make me realize that I'd done something wrong worked...really well. "I don't do that to you," is a heart sinking phrase that I'll probably end up using on my future offspring. Suck it, kiddies!
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LavernaAethra
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
My mother has always been very nervous/awkward around children. I always hoped I would be a little more... normal... but no such luck.

"Oh hi, you are very short. That must be... inconvenient".

When I met my boyfriend's 10 month-old niece, I consciously tried to treat her like I would a golden retriever. Worked like a charm.
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VirginiaDentata
08/09/09

@LavernaAethra: Clever trick, but what do you do once she's too old to play fetch?
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American as Apple Pie
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
Wouldn't it make sense that men follow their fathers' examples in parenting? If it were my study that's what I would have guessed. Any jezzies out there with brothers who have kids?
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doodley is not amused
08/09/09

@American as Apple Pie: My brother is an amazing, involved parent. He definitely didn't learn this from my father. While my dad is a good man and I'm very close to him as an adult, when I was a kid, he was pretty much hands-off and disinterested. He loved us, but child-rearing was not his thing (at least until we hit high school or so and then suddenly we became interesting people with whom he could have conversations). Oddly, he's much more involved with his grandchildren than he ever was with his children.
So many of the men I know seem to be very different dads than their dads were. It may be a generational thing, but the men of my generation seem to be much more involved with their children than the men of our parents' generation ever were.
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Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
My mother probably has some sort of borderline anxiety disorder that has caused her to be extremely over-protective of me -- all mothers are over-protective of her children, but mine takes it to another level. Anyway, I don't have children, but I do have similar anxiety issues that become evident with respect to my girlfriend. She took a trip to Canada recently, and during the time between when she left and when she told me she arrived safely - I was a mess emotionally even though I knew nothing bad had happened. It scared me quite a bit because I could imagine my mother doing the same thing.
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MediasBlue
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
My mother died when I was 15, but I have noticed that when I am babysitting my nieces and nephews, that I easily slip into my "mom" voice. I wonder how I will interact with them as they get older and get beyond 15 years old. Will I react like my father? Or will I have come up with a combination of what I remember from my Mom, my Dad, and hopefully some good sense from me?
My brother now has children and from what I have observed, he does not parent like our Mom. He seems to have developed a much more laid back approach - Mom was a teacher and much stricter.
Interesting article though!
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Casquivana
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
Also, does anybody else drive like her mother when there are other people in your car?? I have to stop myself from putting an arm in front of any companion when I'm driving and make a sudden stop, the way she did. More than one person has laughed at me for making that totally unconscious move.
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badmutha promoted this comment Edited by Casquivana at 08/09/09 3:56 PM Casquivana was starred Casquivana was unstarred

squirrelcop
08/09/09

@Casquivana: Uh, yes, ALL THE TIME. Apparently my MIL didn't do this when my husband was growing up as I startle him with a karate chop to the chest whenever someone stops short in front of us.
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LaMorenita
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
I'm EXACTLY like my mother and turning more and more into her as I get older. I talk to kids the way she talked to me; that is with no baby voice, lots of positive encouragement and asking them relevant questions about whatever they're talking about - even if it doesn't make sense.
"You like spiders? Yes, they are very nice. A spider went in your mouth and bit you? That must have hurt." A 3 year old told me that once. my mama taught me that it's important not to laugh at them, no matter what ridiculousness they're saying.
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LaMorenita
08/09/09

@una.perra.andaluza: I don't have kids btw, but I've worked with 3-5 year olds, and 1st-4th grade.
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thesciencegirl wields the truth like a mighty axe.
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
No kids yet, but I do have 2 nieces and a nephew. I don't really interact with them in ways that my mom did with my sisters and me. Maybe that's because I live far away and rarely babysit them, so it's usually all fun and games when I see them. But even when I did live closer and had to dole out some discipline, nah, I don't think so. I am not very much like my mother, so it doesn't surprise me that we'd be different in this respect either. I feel myself turning into my dad all the time, however.
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Sweetie
08/09/09

In reply to Are You Turning Into Your Mother? Science Says You're Not Alone
I swore I would never turn into my mother. Then I had a baby. We are still very different people, however, we are very similar MOMS. She's an awesome mom though & I hope I am too.
My husband didn't have the best experience with either parent growing up & it's been interesting to see him w/ our son. He's incredibly sweet & scared at the same time b/c he knows he doesn't have role models, but I think he's doing a great job. (I'll stop being cheesy now)
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Sweetie
08/09/09

@Sweetie: * Good role models, that is. Obviously, everyone has role models of some sort.
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