As Tara Parker-Pope writes in today's Times,

New research shows that when married people become single again, whether by divorce or a spouse's death, they experience much more than an emotional loss. Often they suffer a decline in physical health from which they never fully recover, even if they remarry.

The stats, which come from a nationwide study of folks in their 50s and 60 and a series of related experiments, detailed in the piece, suggest that the stress of such situations can actually affect a person's cellular level and immune system.

When the author asked for anecdotal responses from readers, she got a range. Wrote "Shelley,"

Duh. Major emotional trauma damages health. Losing a spouse, losing a parent, losing a child, losing a job (and related health insurance.) I can't believe with health care in the state it is, we're wasting money on this kind of research.

But others had a more pragmatic take: Says "Jack", "At first the divorce took a toll, but the prospect of dating made me get in better physical shape. I joined a local running group, got in shape, and made new friends!" And added "S.K.," "Considering what the stress of a bad marriage is doing to my health, I'll take my chances with divorce." But the last word should probably go to the unhelpful contributor who commented only, "Marriage sucks and then you die!"

Divorce and death are major stresses (The Onion's editorial, "The Divorce Was Unfortunate, But I'm Glad We Handled It Like Total Animals" is all-too-real for many to be funny) and it seems pretty difficult to emerge from either situation unscathed. But isn't it one of the disconnects of being a human being that our physical interests are often in direct opposition of the wants and needs of our brains? In short, the body, for all its sophistication, doesn't want us to live life too richly: if it had its way, we'd subsist on a minimally caloric diet of nuts, seeds, lean protein and water, spend no time sitting at a computer, and start reproducing in childhood. The best most of us can hope for is an uneasy detante in which our emotions act as unreliable double-agent. (And can you guess who has two thumbs and took Biology for poets?) I guess my point is just this: sometimes the glut of information about the unavoidable effects of living on the body can be disheartening, and make one feel like we're in the grip of forces so large there's no point to anything. To a degree, that's true, and a certain measure of contentment probably arises from surrendering a bit of control. But to quote a doctor quoted in Laurie Colwin's peerless essay "Red Peppers," "it's silly to do anything for reasons of health." And applying any such thoughts to the emotional maelstrom of loss and divorce - quite stressful enough, thanks, without considering the toll it's taking on your cell count - seems like a good place to apply the maxim.

Divorce, It Seems, Can Make You Ill [NY Times]

When Married People Become Single Again [NY Times]

The Divorce Was Unfortunate, But I'm Glad We Handled It Like Total Animals [The Onion]

The author, a medical student doing rotations, becomes aware of a situation in the hospital: a young woman dying in the ICU, with no family but an unusually devoted boyfriend named Josh.

They had been together since middle school and had stayed together even as the rest of her life fell apart. When her strained relationship with her parents became impossible and they were no longer in her life, Josh remained her confidant and closest friend. When she learned she was seriously ill, she and Josh filled out the paperwork required to give him her durable power of attorney...So it was that he sat by her bed day after day, occasionally rising from his post there to perform the rudimentary maintenance that she no longer could: wiping the tears from her eyes and clearing the caked secretions around her mouth.

The young woman dies; life goes on. A few months later a young man in the ICU is giving staff a lot of problems, refusing to cooperate and disrupting hospital activity. Then a mysterious "sitter" starts visiting with him and everything changes; he becomes happy and and a model patient. When the author enters his room to witness the transformation, she realizes that the sitter is Josh.

It turned out he had taken a job with the hospital after his girlfriend's death. His story, I realized, was a kind of love story, and in some way it evoked all of our stories, whether we are doctor or patient, comforter or comforted, healer or healed. Josh reaffirmed for me what we medical professionals know but all too easily forget: the human story is not a series of illnesses and treatments that we manage, but is an unfolding mystery - a process with which we ourselves are in ongoing communion, as both witnesses and full as participants.

It's a lovely, sad story with an almost Tolstoyan air to it, and more touching than most of the "Modern Love" columns. This is probably because it's not a first-person account of someone elucidating his own struggles. That has its place, but quiet heroism has become such a rarity in our lives that we are quick to embrace it and claim it if we can (see: Sully Sullenberger.) We don't even know this guy's real name, and maybe that's the point. At this point, mystery is the rarest commodity we've got, and more powerful for it.

Comforter and Comforted in an Unfolding Mystery [NY Times]

1. Men are pretty much born with their sexual preference already determined. In fact, male homosexuality may be imprinted on a developing fetus by some sort of "maternal immune response" to multiple male pregnancies. (It's always mom's fault, isn't it?) In addition, women are total turn-on sluts!

Whether women describe themselves as straight or lesbian, "Their sexual arousal seems to be relatively indiscriminate — they get aroused by both male and female images," Dr. Bailey said. "I'm not even sure females have a sexual orientation. But they have sexual preferences. Women are very picky, and most choose to have sex with men."

2. Young people nowadays are more sexually active and not as moralistic as they used to be, but they still haven't been given proper sex education in high school.

3. Women are pickier than men when it comes to dating: They're less likely to date someone of another race, or a man who is shorter than them (unless, of course, he's loaded!) Also, Op-Ed columnist John Tierney knows a man who can't stand women with dirty elbows.

4. Scientists now believe sexual response starts in the body before it becomes conscious to the mind, often in response to subconscious stimuli. Men who are uninhibited about their sexuality are more likely to be turned on by images of sexual brutality. Many women use sex to raise their spirits. Oh, and again, women are total turn-on sluts!

Women's genitals, it seems, respond to all sex, all the time. Show a woman scenes of a man and a woman having sex, or two women having sex, or two men, or even two bonobos, Dr. Chivers said, and as a rule her genitals will become measurably congested and lubricated, although in many cases she may not be aware of the response.

Ask her what she thinks of the material viewed, however, and she will firmly declare that she like this scene, found that one repellent, and, frankly, the chimpanzee bit didn't do it for her at all.

5. A synthetic hormone developed to help prevent skin cancer by darkening pigmentation of the skin may be our best hope for a female Viagra. Tanned and horny? We can all be Paris Hilton!

6. Lastly, getting old is not a death-sentence for your sex life. Elderly people are even getting it on in nursing homes!

Pas De Deux Of Sexuality Is Written In The Genes
A Sociologist Of Sex, For the Benefit Of The Masses
Romantic Revulsion In The New Century: Flaw-O-Matic 2.0
Birds Do It. Bees Do It. Researchers Are Seeking The Keys To It
Search For The Female Equivalent of Viagra Is Helping To Keep Lab Rats Smiling
A Lively Libido Isn't Reserved For The Young [NYTimes]