[New York, November 5. Image via Splash.]

This is just judging from the trailer, embedded after the jump. In it, you'll see Goodwin playing a desperado woman who cluelessly pesters a man in a bar since he says "Look forward to hearing from you" even though she gave him her card; and Jennifer Aniston whine, "You don't ever feel like we're going against nature by not getting married?" to a grossed-out Ben Affleck. Take a moment to vomit.

So, Goodwin's character is way too naive and Aniston's character doesn't want the same things as her man. Weak women, how fun! And there's more: Drew Barrymore's three (gay?) guy friends gather around to hear her voicemail from a dude, only to find out that he left the exact same voicemail for some other chick. Wow, does she look dumb.

The trailer uses "Friday I'm In Love" by The Cure try to trick you into thinking that this is a feel-good comedy, but it's clearly just a complete and utter evisceration and mockery of the female psyche. Men aren't jerks; women are IDIOTS. The film opens in February 2009, but based on the trailer it should be opening later this month, as a horror film.

He's Just Not That Into You: Is Three Gay Best Friends A New Record? [Guardian]

• While everyone was busy focusing on the presidential debates, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds got married. The ceremony took place Saturday night at a "remote wilderness resort" outside of Vancouver, Canada. The bride is 23, the groom is 31 and they have been dating since 2007. [Us Magazine, People]
• Heather Locklear was busted on suspicion of driving under the influence Saturday night in Santa Barbara, CA. Apparently a witness saw her driving erratically while leaving a parking lot. This report says: The witness said Locklear was revving her engine loudly, and backed over a pair of sunglasses several times." Cops found Heather by the side of the highway "disoriented and impaired." Prescription drugs appear to be the blame; Heather just left a treatment facility for anxiety and depression 2 months ago. She looks rather stunned in her mug shot. [People, TMZ, ET]
• Heath Ledger left behind at least $145,000 in assets and cash — but maybe as much as $20 million in the estate — and Heath's father has announced that every penny will go to Matilda. [News.com.au]
• The company that wrote Heath Ledger's $10 million life insurance policy is being sued after claiming the actor's death might have been a suicide, even though officials concluded it was accidental. If it was suicide, the company won't have to pay. [TMZ]
• Jermaine Dupri partied so hard on his 36th birthday that he vomited in Janet Jackson's lap. [Page Six]

• Paul Newman made plans to continue to be charitable after his death. One hundred percent of the profits from his food company, Newman's Own, continue to benefit camps for children with life-threatening illnesses and thousands of other charities. [Yahoo News]
• Barbra Streisand on Sarah Palin: "When you run for the second highest office in the land, you better be ready to answer questions from the press and the American people. […] This reminds me of the movie business...when the studio knows it has a dud on its hands, they ban reviewers from seeing it beforehand." [Campaign Silo]
• Amy Winehouse's friends have her on 24-hour surveillance because she is "in a very fragile state at the moment." [The Sun]
• Amy smacked someone in the face for no reason last Thursday, not that anyone is surprised. [TMZ]
• Did Amy's bodyguard hit a paparazzo with his car? [Daily Express]
• "Look where I am now. Look what happened to my dreams. This isn’t a life – I’m a mess, look at me. What life do I have? My life begins when Blake gets out of prison. He is my life, I want to see him." — Amy Winehouse. [Mirror]
• Could former drug addict Russell Brand mentor Amy? [Daily Mail]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham on her kids: "They are getting American accents. I think it’s really cute." [The Sun]
• Please to be looking at these "kinky boots" Posh wore: wet-look pleather with no heel. [The Sun]
• The Galaxy is called Major League Soccer's richest club, thanks to David Beckham. [Daily Express]
• Cammy Diaz's boyfriend Paul Sculfor stopped doing coke when his hair started falling out. He says: "I'm lucky it grew back. I'm not vain but I'm obsessed with my hair." [Mirror]
• Mel "Scary Spice" B will get somewhere in the six figures for "artistic yet revealing photos" for Playboy. Chances that the magazine cover line will be "Zigazig-ah!": High. [Mirror]
• You know Amy Adams of Junebug and Enchanted? Her mom works at Starbucks. "I was like, 'Mom, you cannot tell everybody who comes in to get a latte that your daughter is an Oscar nominee." [Page Six]
• A while back, Kate Moss drew a self-portrait in lipstick; Pete Doherty wrote, "Who needs blood when you've got lipstick?" on the canvas; Saturday it was purchased for £33,600 at auction by a "mystery buyer." [BBC News]
• Jack Osbourne and his mom Sharon witnessed a dude steal a woman's purse; Jack chased the guy and tackled him, restraining him until cops arrived. "I could see the girl was in trouble; it just felt like the natural thing to do. I'm glad it turned out OK," Jack says. Get the man a cape! [UPI]
• Chris Brown and Rihanna hit Kentucky Fried Chicken and Ri's shoes are pretty intense for a fast food outing. [The.Life Files]
• Don't use your BlackBerry at the table when Countess Luann de Lesseps is in the area; she will school you. And if you're Asian, she'll tell you that European men "adore Asian females because of their submissiveness. So work that to your advantage." [Page Six]
• Kylie Minogue is set to perform at the opening of the Atlantis Hotel in Dubai in November, but the terror threat level is high for the event. [News.com.au]
• A Kylie musical??? [The Sun]
• Dennis Quaid is pissed that Meg Ryan's been blabbing about their their past. "It was eight years ago, and I find it unbelievable that Meg continues publicly to rehash and rewrite the story of our relationship," he says. [Rush & Molloy]
• Have you seen that Kid Rock/Dale Earnhardt Jr. commercial for the National Guard? You will want to harm yourself or others. [Jossip]
• A remake of My Fair Lady will star Keira Knightley and either George Clooney or Brad Pitt. The two friends are battling for the role of Henry Higgins, each offering to take a pay cut. Who do you think should play the professor? [Daily Express]
• Ricky Gervais is not necessarily going to host the Oscars. The producers haven't made any decisions yet. [Daily Express]
• Kristin Scott Thomas makes films in English and in French. "So far there hasn’t been much crossover between the French-language career and the English one, but maybe it will happen this time," she says. Her film I've Loved You So Long opens October 24. [NY Times]
• Sure, she battled heart disease before going to Dancing With The Stars, but Toni Braxton is a surivor, not a victim. Get it right. [TMZ]
• Kathy Griffin is suing the cybersquatters who own KathyGriffin.com. Only Kathy makes fun of Kathy! [Perez Hilton]
• Grammy-winning R&B singer Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds and his girlfriend Nicole Pantenburg have welcomed their first child together. [People]
• Tina Turner's concert tour starts October 1 in Kansas City, MO. "I've been away from America — home — for at least a good 12 years. I have some memories of certain towns and when we started to think about where to start… Kansas City and St. Louis were areas I played a lot, a lot, when I was here." She also says: "I think the costumes are fantastic." [UPI]
• A Sean John employee got his hands on Pharrell Williams' e-mail address somehow and contacted him repeatedly; the "situation" was "handled internally." [Page Six]
• Jeremy Piven: Seen swigging booze out of a tiny bottle during the Emmys. [Page Six]
• Blind items: "Which fame-hungry 'social' spends so much time stuffing cocaine up her nose, her hangers-on have taken to calling her 'Coco Puff?' Which designer daughter and her husband are stirring the pot on both coasts? She had tongues wagging in LA over her scary skinny bod, while her other half was recently kicked out of a Hamptons hot spot for slugging another guy." [Page Six]
• Little Britain: The Movie? [Mirror]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood faces £50million divorce pay-out after he is pictured on intimate date with Russian lover, 20. [Daily Mail]
• Clark Gable almost walked off the set of Gone With The Wind because of rampant racism. [Page Six]
• Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band will perform at this year's Super Bowl halftime show in Tampa, FL. [CNN]
• "Contrary to a spate of recent reports, Robert Plant will not be touring or recording with Led Zeppelin. Anyone buying tickets online to any such event will be buying bogus tickets." — A statement from Robert Plant. [BBC News]
• "You sit there and say, Who am I selling this movie to? Who’s the audience? And the answer is, No one." — A Hollywood insider on Tom Cruise's new flick, Valkyrie. [Fox 411]
• "There was something about him. There was definitely this sensation that we already knew each other, we just had to get better acquainted. It was very intense very early on and we were very much attracted to each other." — Bob Dylan's former long-term girlfriend, Suze Rotolo, who is on the cover of his breakthrough album Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan. [Daily Express]
• "Everybody’s like, 'Oh, we’ve been waiting for this album forever.' But no one has waited longer than me. I’ve been waiting since I was 7 years old." — Jennifer Hudson, whose self-titled debut drops tomorrow. [NY Times]
• "My heart just feels a little bit different, softer and somehow more in love. I don't know how. But it just feels really romantic and lovely." — Ellen DeGeneres on married life. [People]
• "It’s fun, it’s not meant to be taken so seriously, it’s cheeky, and let’s face it, we’re living in a world right now where the economy has gone into hell in a hand basket, our environment is in a lot of trouble, and the world is just not a great place, we’re still at war. If I can throw some humor out of speaking in third person, it’s really not that serious, and I think we have a lot bigger issues in this world to worry about than what tense I’m speaking in." — Project Runway's Suede. [NY Mag]

• Following the terrible plane crash in which drummer Travis Barker and Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein were seriously injured, there were reports that Chris Baker, Travis's friend and business partner, was on his way to be home with his pregnant wife. These reports were erroneous. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Both Lindsay and Sam blogged about the horrifying plane crash. Wrote LL: "It's so scary to think that life can end so fast...we must all treasure each and every moment—and be thankful for what we have." [E!]
• Travis Barker is burned "mostly from the waist down." DJ AM is "really really badly burned," and the worst is on his face. [E!]
• Mandy Moore has rushed to the bedside of ex-boyfriend DJ AM. Travis Barker's ex-wife Shanna Moakler hopped a flight to be with Travis. [E!]
• Random celebs react to the DJ AM and Travis Barker news. [E!]
• DJ AM and Travis Barker could be hospitalized for weeks but are expected to fully recover. [CNN]
• A tire blowout could be to blame for the plane crash. [People]

• At the Emmys last night, the dresses were pretty, but boring. Christina Applegate looked awesome. [Yahoo News]
• On the red carpet last night, Christina Applegate said: "I've got a pretty dress on and lipstick, and [it's] something I haven't done in two months." She also addressed her breast cancer and the double mastectomy she endured: "For me to have a voice and be the voice of a 30-something-year-old girl going through this and dispelling the misnomers that it's an older woman's disease is a big part of this for me." [People]
• This report says that since the Golden Globes were almost canceled and the Oscars were anticlimactic, the Emmys were festive and glamourous but not ridiculously over the top. [MSNBC]
• Tina Fey lost her purse during the Emmys. She also said of Sarah Palin: "I want to be done playing this lady Nov. 5. So if anybody can help me be done playing this lady Nov. 5, that would be good for me." [AP]
• Is Lindsay coming out, little by little, on her MySpace — instead of in one big "Yes, I'm gay" cover story on a tabloid mag? [LA Times]
• Someone is trying to sell 12 pictures from Casey Aldridge's digital camera that show Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears, daughter Maddie and Casey… and in one picture, Jamie Lynn is breastfeeding Maddie and her breast is exposed. Because JLS is a minor, selling or buying the pix could be a violation of child pornography laws, even though they're not sexual. [TMZ]
• George Michael was arrested with crack in a public restroom. Um. Crack as in drugs. Not ass crack. As far as we know. He was taken to a police station and given a "caution." [BBC News]
• George Michael says: "I want to apologise to my fans for screwing up again, and to promise them I'll sort myself out. And to say sorry to everybody else, just for boring them." [Perez Hilton]
• Comic Sandra Bernhard says a "gang rape" joke she made about Sarah Palin was part of her act. "I certainly wish Governor Palin no harm. I'd just like her to explain to me how she can hold such outrageous views — and then go back to Alaska." [UPI]
• Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds were out on the Lower East Side of New York recently wearing matching bowler hats. They went to some bar and the doorman wanted to take a picture with Scarlett when she snapped, "I'm not the Statue of Liberty." [Page Six]
• Jack McBrayer, who plays Kenneth on 30 Rock, says Jennifer Aniston's stint for the show was "fantastic." "I think we are all star-struck with her." [People]
• Singer Natalie Cole, who recently revealed she had hepatitis C, has been hospitalized as a result of side effects from her medication and a heavy promotional schedule. [USA Today]
• Mel Gibson just bought David Duchovny and Tea Leoni's Malibu home for $11.5 million. Hmm, liquidation of assets… Are David and Tea going to get divorced? [TMZ]
• Ali Lohan hopped on the back of a male friend's motorcycle and had to be rushed to the hospital for minor injuries after a minor accident last month. She got "scraped up." A friend says, "I think she may have wanted to impress this boy." [ONTD]
• Miley Cyrus is sick of being Hannah Montana. [ONTD via TMZ]
• Kate Moss and Jamie Hince have split up and it is FINAL. [The Sun]
• A "mystery hunk" gave Kate Moss a lapdance. [Mirror]
• Does Pete Doherty want Kate Moss back? [Mirror]
• Hugh Grant and Jemima Khan: Back on. [Daily Express]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham says: "You know, I could just go shopping every day and sit on my bum. But I’d be so bored. I don’t even go shopping any more. I run four miles, seven days a week. I am eating more. I think you do eat more when you’re working out." She also says her new short hair wasn't her idea: "I just told the hairdresser to use his imagination." [The Sun]
• Sienna Miller is going to be in that Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes film, which means she'll be reunited with Jude Law on screen. Awkward! [Mirror]
• The woman who is suing two photographers and a paparazzi agency over a video that shows Heath Ledger doing drugs has amended her lawsuit. [News.com.au]
• Kanye West, John Legend, Sheryl Crow, Stevie Wonder and others can be heard on Yes We Can: Voices of a Grassroots Movement, a CD for sale exclusively through Barack Obama's campaign. [USA Today]
• John Lennon had a terrible temper and once screamed into son Sean's ear so loudly his ear was damaged and he had to go to the hospital. [Page Six]
• Heather Mills is donating one million dollars worth of vegan food to children in the South Bronx, one of the poorest neighborhoods in New York. What kids in the ghetto dream of: Soy burgers. [The Star]
• Heather says: "The public adores me... I haven't got a bad word to say about Paul... men are falling over themselves to ask me out... my only interest in life is helping others." [Daily Mail]
• Holland Taylor, who plays Charlie Sheen's mom on Two And A Half Men, commented on the news that Charlie and his wife Brooke are expecting a baby: "I think he's a wonderful daddy to his girls – he just adores them, he's very sweet with them. [But] it will be very interesting to see Charlie with a boy. It'll bring out a whole other side of him, I'm sure." [People]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger confirms that he used to smoke weed with Tommy Chong. [TMZ]
• Robert Wagner had an affair with Barbara Stanwyck, his co-star in the 1953 film Titanic, who was 23 years his senior. [Reuters]
• Jamie Oliver and his wife Jools are expecting a new baby to join daughters Poppy Honey, 6 and Daisy Boo, 5. May we suggest some possible names? Violet Love, Rose Sugar, Carnation Milk. [Mirror]
• Steven Tyler performed in pants he'd gotten from Cher. [Fox 411]
• Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz: Having twins. [Perez Hilton]
• You know how Audrina moved out of Lauren Conrad's house? It was supposed to be an "exclusive" story for a major tabloid mag. But now everyone knows. But! Since she already signed a deal, Audrina gets to keep the money. We'll see what Us Weekly has on the cover on Wednesday. [TMZ]
• Holly Madison and Criss Angel: Still hanging out in Las Vegas, though they deny that they're dating. They were seen dancing and kissing in a club. [Perez Hilton]
• Rachel Bilson will star in an indie romance in which she plays a TV actress living in Hollywood. Way to show your range! [Variety]
• David Blaine will hang upside down above Central Park for 60 hours and could go blind due to the blood pressure in his eyes. Additionally, he could bore us to tears. [Mirror]
• Be prepared to take Mariah Carey seriously as an actress: She plays the battered wife of a state trooper in Tennessee, and just got cast in Push, where she'll play a Harlem social worker. She's also developing a movie musical based, um, on her Christmas album. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I gained five pounds and it’s like a national scandal." — Eva Longoria. [The Sun]
• "I will no longer attempt to do any sports movie, anymore. Any sports. No golf movie. I'm retired from sports-genre films. You know, I think I filled my quota." — Will Ferrell. [USA Today]
• When you were younger, did you ever dream about being royalty? "No. I was a tomboy. When I was a child, I made mud pies—sort of just adding water to mud and squishing it together. I didn't wear a skirt until I think I was 14. The princess thing was the last thing on my list." — Keira Knightley. [Newsweek]
• "My breasts have had a brilliant career. I've just tagged along for the ride." — Pamela Anderson. [Daily Mail]
• "I'm 37. I have nothing to say about the new 90210. Who gives a shit." — Sarah Silverman. [E!]

• Scarlett Johansson is just getting back from a four-day trip to Rwanda, where she visited AIDS clinics. She went in conjunction with (RED) and says: "I came here with an open mind, wanting to listen, understand and learn; I leave with the overwhelming understanding that the small action of making a (RED) choice in your purchases ... has an enormous impact on the lives of people in countries like Rwanda." [People]
• Santa must think you've been very good: Stephen Colbert is hosting a one-hour Christmas special on Comedy Central. A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All! will air Nov. 23. It's a musical, of course. Look for John Legend, Elvis Costello, Toby Keith, Willie Nelson, Feist and Daily Show host Jon Stewart, who's supposed to sing a duet with Colbert of a song simply titled "Hanukkah." It's the most wonderful time of the year! [AP]
• Anne Hathaway's "people" don't want you to know that she smokes. [Rush & Molloy]
• Breaking news: Madonna is rude. [Perez Hilton]
• Barbra Streisand sang at a fundraiser for Barack Obama last night. Her song choices: "When the Sun Comes Out," "Make Someone Happy," "What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life?" and "Shining Hour." [Fox 411]

• Is Britney's label pushing her too hard? She's been going to the studio ever since she got out of the hospital, but it was more therapeutic than anything — now her CD is going to drop. Too much too soon? A source "close" to her record label says: "As long as it's produced well and has a good beat, she’ll have a hit. Really, the quicker we do it, the better it will be. You shouldn’t overthink some things." Has Britney ever been accused of overthinking anything? [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Lopez threw Marc Anthony a surprise 40th birthday party in New York — on the same day she completed her first triathlon in Malilbu. Over-achieve much, showoff? Anywhoozle, the party had a casino and showgirl vibe with Dita Von Teese, a salsa orchestra, mojitos and dancers in feather headdresses. [People]
• Searching for images of Brad Pitt can kill your computer, but what a lovely way to go. [MSNBC]
• Ricky Gervais thinks obese people should be shunned: "I don't think there's enough stigma. I laugh about being fat but I should be ashamed. I should walk down the street and have people shouting 'Fatty'. That's what I want, to get me out of it. In supermarkets, the really fattening stuff should be behind a really thin door. Shops should be full of salads but if you want to get to the pies and cakes, you've got to crawl through a little tube." [Telegraph]
• Nicole Kidman will star in The Eighth Wonder, an action-adventure movie described as a globe-spanning archeological thriller like Raiders Of The Lost Ark meets the Bourne films. You know what would truly be wondrous? If Nicole's forehead moved. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Madame Sarkozy, aka Carla Bruni, performed on Later… With Jools Holland, appearing alongside Metallica and Kings Of Leon. Sigh. Laura Bush never rocks out on TV. [BBC News]
• Last week, Los Angeles International Airport Police used a "decoy" Jamie Lynn Spears to fool the paparazzi; now somebody is in trouble. LAX Spokesman Albert Rodriguez says: "It is not the policy or practice for Airport Police to provide a celebrity decoy. Los Angeles World Airports policy prohibits special courtesies to be provided to celebrities." But seriously, if the girl has a baby and can't get through the airport without being followed, what are her options? Going Kanye West on mothertruckers? [Yahoo News]
• Oh gawd: Gwyneth Paltrow tells Oprah, "I just cannot diet. It's worth it to me to do that extra exercise so I can eat what I want and not think about it." But she has trouble losing "these 20 extra pounds." WTF. [People]
• According to the director of one of her films, Jessica Biel saw some tiny Ferris wheel in a Hyde Park, London, and said, "Oh, it's the London Eye. I thought it would be a bit bigger." The director exclaims: "She had no fucking idea whatsoever." He seems to find her dim. [ONTD]
• It's pretty obvious that Naomi Watts is pregnant with her second kid. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Miley Cyrus's new dude is not so new, she's known him for like, 3 months. And! This isn't the first time they've gone to church together, ooooh. [Yahoo News]
• Jamie Foxx and Dancing With The Stars' Stacy Keibler were all over each other in Las Vegas over the weekend. But! The very next day, Foxx was grinding on some other blonde. [Rush & Molloy]
• A country music retirement community? I'm picturing porches full of harmonicas, banjos and washboards. In otherwords: Awesome. [UPI]
• So you know how Paris Hilton has a show, Paris Hilton's My New BFF? She claims the "winner" is actually her new best friend. "We hang out. Yeah, we're really friends. We've been having barbecues and hanging out at the house. The winner and I have been pretty low-key so far, because it is top secret right now," she says. [Reuters]
• Famed writer-illustrator Maurice Sendak celebrated his 80th birthday Monday night with Meryl Streep, James Gandolfini, Catherine Keener and director Spike Jonze. (Jonze has adapted Where The Wild Things Are into a film, to be released in October 2009.) Sendak says: "Some of the problems that were mentioned in growing up in New York persist… Eighty solves nothing… So many friends were on the stage tonight and so many people I have worked with and loved — and still love. And what it did was ignite in me a feeling of wanting to continue to work." [Yahoo News]
• Sir Paul McCartney was out at an event with his new ladyfriend, Nancy Shevell, for the first time. Looking forward to the day we stop hearing about Heather Mills? [Telegraph]
• Adrianne Curry has a stalker. (?!?!?) [TMZ]
• Will all the ladies from The Girls Next Door get spinoffs? Hugh Hefner says yes! He's also amazed that the show is a success: "We thought it would be a one-season wonder." [E!]
• Michael Douglas to play a sex addict? Did you know he was rumored to be one in the '90s? [Guardian]
• Jack Nicholson, Jon Bon Jovi and Shaquille O'Neal are among 30 nominees to the New Jersey Hall of Fame. [Yahoo News]
• Take a deep breath, then check out this picture of Jocelyn Wildenstein having lunch with her boyfriend. [The.Life Files]
• "Up until Palin was selected as McCain’s running mate I felt no need to say who I thought should win in November, as long as everyone at least got out and voted for who they thought was the best choice to run this country. After Lindsay pointed out how frightening Palin is I decided that I wasn’t going to remain impartial and posted her blog on my page. That’s all. I’m English, I can’t vote here. If I could I would vote for Obama, that’s all." — Samantha Ronson. [Pop Dirt]
• "I've had sex in all 50 states. A lot of it was on a road trip I took when I was younger. [The best] was in Arizona and Colorado. Maybe it was the clear air, or the quiet, or the endless sky. Whatever it was, it was really, really good. But as for Alaska — I’d really like a do-over on that state." — Eva Mendes. [The Sun]
• "My dad is probably one of the handsomest guys ever. I was making a joke and I said, 'If I was a chick, I'd [bleep] you.' He was like, 'You can't say that! Shut your mouth!'" — Josh Brolin to W. [Page Six]
• "Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, even though according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases. The shari'a (Islamic religious law) refers to the mouse as 'little corrupter,' and says it is permissible to kill it in all cases. It says that mice set fire to the house, and are steered by Satan. The mouse is one of Satan's soldiers." — Saudi sheik Muhammad al-Munajid. [UPI]

• The crew on Madonna's world tour is threatening to quit because they had to stay at a cheap airport hotel while she stayed in an £11,000-a-night castle. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Her Madgesty said, "Let them eat cake." [Mirror, WOW Report]
• Here's the latest on David Duchovny: He may have had an addiction to online porn. And he may have released a statement about it because he was already in treatment and a fellow patient was about to sell info to the tabloids. [Fox News]
• Looking back at old interviews, Duchovny revealed his love of porn and '80s porn stars. [People]
• Meanwhile, Tea Leoni has canceled her appearance at the Toronto Film Festival. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan hung out with Sam Ronson instead of going to her grandfather's wake on Long Island. [The Sun]
• Lindsay signed a MySpace message "This song is for SR… ILY." Translation: "This song is for Sam Ronson. I love you." [Pop Dirt]
• Are Queen Latifah and her long time partner Jeanette Jenkins planning on adopting? Are they out now? [ONTD]

• Some dude's been arrested for stealing a digital camera that had pictures of Kate Middleton and Prince William vacationing in Mustique together. The camera belonged to Kate's little sister Pippa and the guy intended to sell the snaps to the tabloids, obvs. [Daily Mail]
• Kevin Spacey: Seen pinching the bare bottom of some dude. [Mr. Paparazzi, via Perez Hilton]
• Says a witness: "Kevin looked like he was having a brilliant time." [The Sun]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck of The View is heading to the Republican National Convention on Thursday. She'll fly in and out on the same day. "I must really want John McCain elected," she says, "because I would not get on a plane like that for anyone else." Oh, the sacrifice! Thank God McCain has you. [NY Daily News]
• The apocalypse is nigh: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are opening a bar. In NEW YORK. To be called The Hill. [W]
• Save Katie! The anti-Scientology group Anonymous will be protesting at opening night of Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons. "We aren’t looking to shut it down, we just want to prove a point," says a spokesperson. [MSNBC]
• Josh Hartnett and and unnamed female friend went into a little-used library at a SoHo hotel and started getting "hot and heavy." Since the hotel — and the library — are under security camera surveillance, the staff saw a little show on a monitor. No video link, sorry! [MSNBC]
• Michael Phelps shot a cameo for the new season of Entourage. "It was like being in New York City with one of the Beatles," Kevin "E" Connolly says. "People were stopping in the streets and climbing up things to see him. They were going nuts. He's like a superstar." [Yahoo News]
• Meanwhile, Michael Phelps is totally not talking about the ladies and doing his best to have some privacy: "I never said I have a girlfriend, and I never said I don't have a girlfriend," he says. [People]
• DNA evidence has linked an air conditioning repairman to the 2001 stabbing death of Ashley Ellerin, Ashton Kutcher's former girlfriend. [Yahoo News]
• Johnny Depp was on stage with his old band! One night only! He played guitar and sang backup! It was for charity. [Yahoo News]
• This was probably inevitable but still: Oy: Agyness Deyn is working on a Hollywood career. [Daily Mail]
• Not that you asked, but Britney has been working out "super hard" and is in "great shape." [Page Six]
• Angelina Jolie would like to work on a European film. "No one has asked me yet," she says. "When I can really speak it, maybe I'll try out for a French film in a few years." [Breitbart]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty: Moving in together? They looked at a $22 million mansion in Malibu and Sienna liked it. (At that price point, what's not to like?) [Perez Hilton]
• Maroon 5's Adam Levine: Seen hitting on newly single Anne Hathaway at the Vanity Fair DNC party. Uh-oh, isn't Adam on that herpes chart? [Fox News]
• James Gandolfini, 46, married his fiancée Deborah Lin, 40, in her hometown of Honolulu, Hawaii on Saturday. "They both wore long, green leis around their necks," says a source. "There were lots of white flowers on the tables and Gandolfini was beaming." [People]
• French actress Emmanuelle Beart and director Fabrice Du Welz are defending their latest movie, Vinyan, in which Beart stars as a mother who loses her son to the 2004 tsunami but refuses to believe he is dead. The character and her husband go looking for the kid in the jungle of the Thai-Myanmar border and stumble across a terrifying world ruled by savage children. It's a horror film, but the director says, "I tried to be as respectful as I can. I don't want to be unpleasant to people who have really suffered from the tsunami." [Yahoo News]
• John Mayer got really drunk and partied with a blonde cocktail waitress on the last night of his world tour. On stage, he mentioned reading The Secret and said "I had a conversation recently, and a lot of tears were exchanged." Jen Aniston, sniff, sniff. [People]
• This is just coming out now, but apparently Amy Winehouse overdosed twice last year: Once in July, from smoking hash for 36 hours; next in August from cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, ketamine and crystal meth. Now she might have brain damage or schizophrenia from the drugs. [The Sun]
• Another "Amy Winehouse may have brain damage" story. [Daily Mail]
• Headline of the day: "Could Scarlett Be The Next Spielberg?" Yes, Ms. Johansson wants to direct. [Daily Express]
• Mel Gibson has become "close to" a "glamorous Russian musician" on the set on his new movie but he says she's just a colleague and he remains happily married. [Daily Mail]
• The stage musical version of 9 To 5 features 19 new Dolly Parton songs. "She's so lovely and so humble," producer Robert Greenblatt says. "She says, 'I'm not sure I'll get you the whole way there, but I'd love to give it a try. If something doesn't work exactly, I'll rewrite it.'" [Variety]
• Colin Farrell saved this homeless guy's life by giving him cash and telling him: "You need to get your life together, man, promise me. And make sure you go see my new movie." [Toronto Sun]
• Jude Law is visiting Afghanistan to promote peace. Yeah, I dunno. [AP]
• Sign of the recession? Diddy had to give up his private jet. [The Star]
• Natalie Portman won a humanity award at the Venice Film Festival, where she made her directorial debut with a short film called Eve. [The Star]
• Duran Duran fan? Maybe you wanna read about how cocaine destroyed the band. Written by Andy Taylor! [Daily Mail]
• Sixty-two year old Cher has a 36 year old man and she hired a private jet to fly him and two of his buddies to Memphis to catch a Merle Haggard show, which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
• Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze: Still on. [Page Six]
• Leanne Rimes, 26, has been married for seven years, and says she is ready for a baby. [People]
• "You are bugging the fuck out… No disrespect. …Alaska? I don't even know if there's any black people in Alaska. If you really think we're gonna let you win the election with these crazy decisions that you're making, you're bugging." —Diddy's thoughts about Sarah Palin in a video directed to John McCain. [Perez Hilton]
• Jerry O'Connell says pregnant wife Rebecca Romjin craves lemonade and soy cream cheese. "Can't be cream cheese. Soy cream cheese. Do you know how difficult it is to find soy cream cheese? It's usually in the corner of the supermarket someplace!" [People]
• "The easiest sex scene I have done was in Mulholland Drive because it was with another woman. There was no awkwardness. There was no sexual tension." — Naomi Watts. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "When it comes to fashion, I know about as much as Betty. I love to play dress-up and it’s fun, but I’m not interested in the fashion world. If I wasn’t an actress, I’d probably want to be a teacher." — America Ferrera. [Mirror]
• "I always knew I was never the prettiest or ugliest girl in the room. Life's too short to inject botulism into you face to get rid of a tiny line because you've laughed too much. I don't feel a need to lose weight, because I'm not 21. I'm happy with my package." — Ashley Jensen, aka Christina on Ugly Betty. [Daily Mail]
• "It's very strange to be here in London without Anthony Minghella, whom I loved very much, and very painful. I was so frightened in the first week of shooting The English Patient, I was trembling, but he was trying to find a way to win my trust, and he just said to me, 'Well, fly...' and I did and it changed my life." — Juliette Binoche. [Independent]
• "Victoria and I are very different. People bracket us together because we live in the same city and we’re both interested in fashion. Victoria’s fashion line has been very successful and, hopefully mine will be too. But that’s where the similarities begin and end." —Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. Not that you knew she had a fashion line. [Daily Mail]
• "The only thing I can cook really is mince meat, which is ironic because I'm a vegetarian. But I like calzone and lasagne. I cooked every day in Spain so David and the boys lived off minced meat for four years. I cook a Sunday dinner every single Sunday I'll have you know. My kids like Yorkshire pudding so I make that, I can make it from scratch and I make Dora the Explorer cakes for afters because the kids love them." — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• "I can't even think about having another baby right now. The boys take up so much of my time." — Victoria Beckham. [Mirror]
• "I don't care for [romantic comedies] where the guy is emasculated, tossed around by the woman, and lacking a point of view. It's a disservice to both the male and the female. I like to give my guys some balls" - Matthew McConaughey to Plenty magazine. [Page Six]
• "I kind of want to see how the audience responds first. I don't want to overstay my welcome." — Shannen Doherty, on whether she will stick with the new 90210. [LA Times]
• "I informed British Airways of my late arrival. I told them I was a kind of minor celebrity and I might get a bit of hassle at the airport. Turns out they are complete arseholes. Even when I fell over and badly creased my hat, I had no assistance. I was crying but I didn't want them to see. A cynic might say I missed the plane, an honest man might say I went to the airport a little late." —Pete Doherty. [Mirror]
• "I think manipulation is something that women do a lot, it's still our number one problem. You look at those characters [in The Duchess] — Georgiana and Bess — and they're hugely trying to outmanoeuvre each other, but I think it's also possible for intense love affairs to happen between women — not necessarily sexual, but things can obviously take a sexual turn. Women do get obsessed with other women — whether they love them or hate them, and I think that line is very easy to cross." — Keira Knightley [Guardian]

• Michael Phelps will host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. Um, swimming skits? Will you watch if he's not bare-chested? Just asking. [Yahoo News]
• Lindsay Lohan responds to the stuff her dad's been saying: "He’s out of control. I want him to stop hurting and talking to the media about the people I love." [Perez Hilton]
• Sam Ronson responds to LL's dad too: "i really don't want to say anything because i feel like he wins- he, being the man who is so desperate for attention that he goes to the media whenever possible… i am not the reason that he has no contact with his daughter… i feel no need to publicly defend my role in lindsay's life… i'm just sorry that she likes me more than him… i'm not the one that is so lost that i need to use my relationship with lindsay to earn a living…" There's more! [Perez Hilton]
• Hilary Duff's dad was sentenced to 10 days in jail for contempt of court for violating a court order that prohibited him from selling off assets without the consent of his estranged wife, Susan. Susan was requesting $25,000 to celebrate Hilary's 21st birthday (9/28), and pretty much calling Bob Duff a deadbeat dad for not paying up. On one hand, surely Hilary has her own cash? On the other hand, a father has to do what a father is legally obligated to do. He was taken from the courtroom in handcuffs… [Yahoo News]

• No Britney at the MTV Awards? "Contrary to media reports, Britney was never slated to perform on this year's VMAs," Brit's manager, Larry Rudolph, says. "She's in the middle of recording her next album, which is going amazingly well, and her focus remains on the studio." So why was she in the commercials with Russell Brand and an elephant? Is this an elaborate ruse? [AP]
• Ladies, listen up: Gerard Butler likes women to make the first move. "I am for equal opportunities. Why should it be the guy's job to kiss? If a woman wants to kiss she should totally do that. I think it is awesome when women take the lead. I love that idea." Oh and click the link to see a very nice (and by nice I mean shirtless) pic. [ONTD]
• Woody Allen had dinner with Jennifer Aniston. Could she replace Scarlett Johansson as his new film muse? [Yahoo News]
• Solange Knowles: "I have to say, that was not a very professional introduction before. Please don’t tie me into family and my brother-in-law’s establishment." News anchor: "That wasn't live, Solange. That wasn't on live TV." Yes, there is video. [Just Jared]
• Kate Moss naked in Interview magazine. [The.Life Files]
• Britney may not be at the MTV awards, but Katy Perry will be. And MTV producers are looking for a lady she can kiss while she sings, "I Kissed A Girl." They want Lindsay Lohan. Think it's gonna happen? [E!]
• Salma Hayek's ex-fiancé and baby daddy, billionaire heir François-Henri Pinault, has a new ladyfriend, equestrian Virginie Couperie. Here are pictures of them enjoying a "saucy holiday romp in Tuscany." The ONTD commenters have proclaimed Virginie a "downgrade." [Rush & Molloy]
• Naomi Campbell's beau, Russian billionaire Vladimir Doronin dropped $18.5 million on a penthouse apartment for Naomi in Sao Paolo. She's thinking of settling down in Brazil. [Page Six]
• So you know how there's a transgender contestant this cycle on America's Next Top Model? Janice Dickinson says: "I did it on my show first with Claudia (Charriez). But you know what? There’s not going to be a moment where Tyra’s not going to knock me off, so I’m not bothered by her." [MSNBC]
• Bonnie Hunt says her new show will be "full of humor and definitely accessibility, curiosity and spontaneity." She also says: "It's not so much celebrating other people's bad moments in daytime television, which has been a trend for a long time, but almost celebrating what really makes us laugh, what makes us feel very human and normal at the top of who we are, not necessarily at the bottom of who we are." [Reuters]
• Ben Affleck's been texting buddy/new dad Matt Damon from the DNC and Matt and his wife are "thrilled" about their new daughter, FYI. [People]
• Some dude has rammed his car into the gates of the Playboy Mansion twice in the last two weeks, according to the LAPD. Think he's trying to get to the grotto? [LA Times]
• Suge Knight was arrested and charged with assault after punching his girlfriend and pulling a knife on her. Death Row, indeed. [Reuters]
• Tori Spelling may not be appearing on the new 90210, but what about 42-year-old Luke Perry? The new ladies in the cast say: "Oh. My. God. I love Dylan McKay" and "Are you kidding me? He's an amazing-looking man. Sexy!" Oh, and in unrelated news, new 9er AnnaLynne McCord, who played Eden on Nip/Tuck likes guns. "My birthday is next week and I'm getting the 380 Ruger and a .38 revolver." [Yahoo News]
• Oh, and the new 90210 might be pretty racy. Shannen Doherty says: "All I know is there's a girl giving a guy a blow job in the first episode." Doherty and Jennie Garth both dish in this interview. [EW, ONTD]
• A retired sheriff allegedly broke into Chris Cornell's home, wandered from room to room and urinated in a corner. He was hired by Cornell's ex-wife as a process server. Talk about pissed off. [TMZ]
• Relations between Madonna and Elton John have been frosty since he accused her of lip-syncing four years ago. But! He went to her concert in Nice last night and they totes made up and are homies again, though Elton cracked, "I'll be found dead of uranium poisoning in three days." [Mirror]
• Russell Simmons told his yoga teacher her classes had gotten too easy and were for "pussies," so she amped it up; he was seen collapsing into the fetal position. [Page Six]
• Kate Moss's neighbors are in a spot of bother about a large crack that has appeared in the wall bordering her back garden. The wall could collapse, etc. Also, the paper just wanted to make "Kate Moss Crack Problem" jokes. [Mirror]
• Jerry Seinfeld's lawyers read papers in court yesterday claiming that Jerry did not slander the woman who accused his wife of ripping off her cookbook. He was just trying to get laughs, mocking frivolous lawsuits. His lawyers are trying to get the defamation suit against him tossed out; Jerry called author Missy Chase Lapine a "wacko" and "mentally unhinged celebrity stalker." [NY Post]
• Paul McCartney will perform in Israel for the first time, more than 40 years after the Beatles were blocked from giving a concert in the country. [Reuters]
• Steve Foley, who played drums with the Replacements, has died. He was 49. He accidentally overdosed on prescription medication. [Reuters]
• Neil Diamond performed earlier this week and his voice was raspy, so he's offering the audience at the Ohio concert a refund. Build me up, buttercup! [Reuters]
• A toxicology test has been ordered in the death of Dr. Dre's son. [People]
• "I haven't had this much fun since my ex-mother-in-law fell in a well" — Janice Dickinson, as she danced with models, celebrating the new season of her show. [Page Six]
• "I'm no Meryl Streep." — Kim Kardashian. [USA Today]
• "Just be polite. Listen to them and give them anything they want. You can't go wrong." Pete Doherty on picking up chicks. [Mirror]
• "[Miley Cyrus] is just a little too tarty, forgive me. I don’t want her to look like she’s going into a convent school, but it’s just a little too much for a 15-year-old. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear she was 25." — Tim Gunn. [MNSBC]
• "I couldn't do what Brad and Angie are doing. I wouldn't have the patience or dedication you need to take care of a family. I admire those qualities in other people but it's not for me. I'm doing exactly what I want to. I hang out with the same friends, I spend time in Italy, and then I go back to work. I try not to worry about anything else." — George Clooney. [Mirror]

Wall Street Journal:

American girls abroad — it's a subject that has provided rich material for writers from Henry James to Edith Wharton, from Louisa May Alcott to Cornelia Otis Skinner to Laurie Colwin. Now, in the beautiful if insubstantial pastel "Vicky Cristina Barcelona," it's Woody Allen's turn as he chronicles the sentimental education of two young women on a summer idyll in Barcelona.

Entertainment Weekly:

I hope it's not too bourgeois of me to point out that for a director who is trying to make a worldly romantic comedy, this is quite a shallow and jejune point of view. (It's why the '60s had to end.) Vicky Cristina Barcelona is a movie of distinct pleasures, a number of them of the travel-and-leisure variety (never mind all that wondrous, dripped-candle Gaudí architecture — what's really fabulous is the long lunches in which people linger over wine). The writing is zippy, the story spins like a top, and Bardem turns out to be the wittiest of leading men, making Juan Antonio a seducer who is almost innocent in his games. As for Hall and Johansson, both of them have lovely presences, yet Vicky and Cristina, as characters, never quite transcend the schematic. They are mind and body, spirit and flesh, strait-laced and free. In Woody Allen's perpetual counterculture, never the twain shall meet.

New York Times:

Maria Elena and Juan Antonio give the film such a twinned jolt of energy that you may wish it would head off into Almodóvar country, but that wouldn’t be true to Mr. Allen, for whom desire remains an agony. Still, he’s enough of an entertainer to give the audience its pleasures, which partly accounts for Ms. Johansson. She isn’t much of an actress, but it doesn’t terribly matter in his films: She gives him succulent youth, and he cushions her with enough laughs to distract you from her lack of skill. The appealing Ms. Hall, whose jaw line and brittle delivery evoke Katharine Hepburn, furnishes an actual performance, one that, tinged with sadness, makes evident that this is as much a tragedy as a comedy.

USA Today:

A witty, engrossing and well-crafted musing on the capricious nature of love, the film also is a valentine to the city, which is almost an additional character. Its visual splendors are displayed in a sun-dappled light with special regard for its striking art and architecture, particularly the work of Antoni Gaudi. Allen seems to have been reinvigorated since he began filming in Europe.

Washington Post:

"Vicky Cristina Barcelona" is different because it's really about Vicky and Cristina, and Juan Antonio and Maria Elena. This time Allen's philosophical musings emerge subtly from the interaction of these characters and their choices instead of through trademark dialogue. Though he relies too much on the curt observations of an omniscient narrator, the movie still feels more casual, more painterly, more about great characters than the invocation of Freud or Balzac or Ernest Becker. Through these characters and the natural performances, and without worrying about landing punch lines or wringing hands, Allen lets the movie unfurl toward a sublime conclusion and final shot, the kind that makes you sigh with gratitude (or relief) that he's in firm control of this phase of his career.

New York Sun:

Despite an awkward, third-party narration in an academic male voice (belonging to Christopher Evan Welch) that analyzes the characters as if they were test subjects in an anthropology experiment, the film may be the least abstract of Mr. Allen's more recent efforts, and the least yoked to the filmmaker's signature affectations. Perhaps, in all its talky inconclusiveness and postcard vistas, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" is not very different from one of the more trivial Eric Rohmer comedies, all about the eye candy and some vaguely risqué business regarding the rules of attraction. But in its best moments, when Mr. Bardem and Ms. Cruz lay siege to the screen, reveling in their fever-bed chemistry, it's as if Mr. Allen has stumbled into an alternate universe — one where his movies are actually worth watching again.

NPR:

No matter what you end up thinking about Vicky Cristina Barcelona, it's hard not be entertained by the Oscar-winning Bardem, who eats this role up like it's a hot fudge sundae. In fact, Bardem and Penelope Cruz, who plays his ex-wife, are so good they make the film seem better than it is.

The problem is that Vicky Cristina Barcelona is too intent on being taken seriously to end up being more than mildly diverting. Allen himself has said in interviews that this was a film about relationships, not a comedy — and he's right.

The New York Observer:

There are no easy answers for either Vicky or Cristina even in voluptuous Barcelona; the city serves extensively as the film’s fourth muse, making for delectable summer entertainment in time-honored travelogue fashion. But there is much more as well in the seriocomic intensity with which Woody contemplates his three contrasting goddesses of desire, and their assorted womanly impasses and vulnerabilities. I hope this film will confound his army of naysayers by becoming a huge commercial success. It is already an artistic triumph of heroic dimensions, considering that it has come much closer to the end of a career than its beginning. The magnificent acting ensemble alone is worth the price of admission.

Time:

Whenever Bardem or Cruz are on screen, VCB finds its heart. It sees them as fully in tune with their feelings: totally willing, and why not?, to act on impulses they've learned to trust. The Americans are children by comparison, a little stiff, so conditioned to overanalyzing every attraction that they would lose the moment — if only there weren't a Don Juan Antonio to send seismic shivers up their consciences.

Village Voice:

A whirling vortex of jealousy, passion, and lust, spewing her words in a melodic rush of English and Spanish, Maria Elena is at once too much to handle and the closest Vicky Cristina Barcelona comes to offering up its vision of the ideal woman. (And yes—ironically or not—she's also the one most likely to put a knife in you.) Surely, this will prompt the cultural guardians who remain unwilling to parse Allen the filmmaker from Allen the public figure to condemn Vicky Cristina Barcelona as an untenable defense of loose morals and male piggishness. But I for one found something oddly elating in the movie's conviction that it is better to have made passionate love and maybe almost died at the hands of a jealous mistress than never to have loved at all. To quote Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians: "Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think."

The New Yorker:

The way the women play against Bardem is fascinating. Rebecca Hall, a twenty-six-year-old English actress from a theatrical family (her father is the director Peter Hall), is tall, with a long face and a wide smile—she can look radiant one minute and neurotic, tense, and gloomy the next, as if she were channelling Allen’s stumbling anxieties (a common reaction in actors working with him for the first time). With Bardem, Hall goes back and forth between desire and panic, and she’s touching as none of Allen’s other female characters have been recently. Scarlett Johansson, who is still only twenty-three, has appeared in an amazing number of movies. There’s no mystery why: she’s charming and also pliant and openly sexual in a way that obviously pleases male directors. She’s at a stage in which her sensuality is more developed than anything else in her personality, but that configuration works for her this time. Going to bed with an attractive man is not going to tell Cristina all that she needs to know about herself. Allen has successfully captured a spirit of restless indeterminacy. Does Cristina have any artistic gifts? Before the summer is over, she begins to stir.

PS: For all you Allen-fiends out there, check out this short documentary about Woody Allen by Jean-Luc Godard. [via Videogum]

'Vicky Cristina Barcelona' opens today in wide release.

• Scarlett Johansson thinks the media made a big deal out of her e-mail exchanges with Barack Obama because she's female. "It seemed to me to be like a product of extreme sexism," she says. "I kept thinking to myself, 'God, if this was just, like, Kal Penn or George Clooney or any of the other [Obama] surrogates or supporters ... there wouldn't be [any] question about it. Nobody would even talk about it. It was manipulated into such an unfortunate media frenzy of kind of a non-story." Think she has a point? [ET]
• Dina Lohan's response to Anderson Cooper's attack on her reality show: "People are just cruel! This is bad karma for him." Nah, Cooper has good things coming to him, for sure. [Perez Hilton]
• Jenna Jameson is knocked up. The daddy is UFC champ Tito Ortiz. Best of luck, kids. [Page Six]
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal seen holding hands in hipster mecca Williamsburg, Brooklyn. [Page Six]
• Rihanna's been wearing a "gossip-inducing piece of jewelry," also known as sparkly ring on that finger. [The Sun]

• Word on Madonna's marriage is that she'll give it one more year. [MSNBC]
• Madonna will perform in her home state, Michigan, for the first time in seven years. Music. Makes the people. Come together. [USA Today]
• Benji Madden and Paris Hilton: Dunzo? [Mr. Paparazzi]
• Amanda Peet is urging parents to immunize their children in a "Vaccinate Your Baby" campaign. "My main message to parents is that they should not be taking medical advice from me or any other celebrity. They should look to their pediatrician, the American Academy of Pediatrics and other experts." [PR Newswire]
• Steven Tyler's memoir: Forthcoming. [Crain's]
• File under not surprising: The people who live in the Hills hate The Hills. [LA Times]
• Do you think Oprah controls more than 1 million voters? University of Maryland economists think so. [Page Six]
• Lisa Marie Presley, 40, is pregnant with twins. Love me tender times two. [E!]
• Jennifer Aniston is planning the "Wedding Of The Year" if you believe OK! magazine, which you probably shouldn't. [Perez Hilton]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham has allegedly been warned not have more children. "She knows she is putting her health at risk if she dismisses the advice of her doctors and has another C-section," says an unnamed source. [News.com.au]
• Samantha Ronson's car got the orange boot. Girl needs to pay her parking tickets. [Perez Hilton]
• Though she has been diagnosed with breast cancer, Christina Applegate will proceed with filming the upcoming season of Samantha Who? Nothing better than throwing yourself into work when you're dealing with crappy lifestuff. [MSNBC]
• Kirk Douglas has been campaigning for a formal apology to African Americans for the institution of slavery for years now. (Did you know that? I didn't.) So when the House passed a formal national apology, Kirk said: "This is the best news I've heard in a long time." [LA Times]
• Michelle Williams and Spike Jonze are smitten kittens. [Perez Hilton]
• Justin Timberlake cuts his own hair. [The Sun]
• Wesley Snipes needs to reimburse the government $217,000 in prosecution costs for his tax conviction. Ouch. [USA Today]
• American Idol held auditions in Puerto Rico and "only" 300 people showed up. Is the show's popularity waning? (Some of us never liked it, btw.) [MSNBC]
• Lil Jon was in "musical limbo" after his record label, TVT, went bankrupt. Now he's signing with The Orchard, a digital entertainment company, so he can develop "lifestyle-oriented marketing and promotion programs," whatever that means. [USA Today]
• The new 90210 girls are skinny, says the person who runs that website called The Skinny. [The Skinny]
• Is Katie Holmes pregnant? This paper points out that she has a "mysterious bump," which appears to be her stomach. [Daily Mail]
• Iggy Pop's equipment has been stolen! He will have to search. And destroy. [Yahoo News]
• Dr. Dre's congnac and vodka brands will hit stores in the next 60 days. Related: his new album is called Detox. [Yahoo News]
• A source says that Britney's recent pix from Mexico — sunbathing in a bikini and swimming with dolphins — were set up by her camp. Who knows what to believe anymore? [Page Six]
• Will Britney play a killer lesbian stripper in Quentin Tarantino's remake of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!? [Mirror]
• "Everybody is rooting for her, and that's a good thing. I’m on that bandwagon too. I don’t want to see anybody unhappy." —Justin Timberlake on Britney Spears [PopDirt]
• Joanna Lumley, aka Patsy Stone, would do Absolutely Fabulous again: "I don't think that we could do a series, but I'd do a special. Patsy would be completely fossilised by now — she'd be in formaldehyde." [Mirror]
• "I haven't met him yet, but cried when I found out James McAvoy was married. Literally." — Seventeen year old Emma Roberts. [Mirror]
• Bette Midler says she knows that young people dig lip-syncing pop tarts but blames MTV. "Video really did kill the radio star," she says. "After MTV came along, people were seeing their favorite singers in videos, and suddenly there was a certain vision of a song - how it should sound, how it should look. Then [in concert], there was no room for improvisation - everyone wanted an exact replica." Oh, and: "They don't speak. They don't talk to their audience. They may say, 'Hello, New York' or 'Hello, Las Vegas,' in the beginning, and 'Thank you' in between songs, but they don't talk. They don't tell stories or take the time to make a connection, build a rapport. There's no emotion." [Rush & Molloy]

Yeah, that's right: RAPE! An endlessly thrilling topic, whatever the social context! Especially at the beach, I can totally see this playing out so well:

DUDE: Hey, hotness. The keg may be tapped, but I can show you a clothes dryer where a quarter-bottle of Malibu has our names engraved on them…

'COSMO' READER: Um, cool! So like, did you know, that if you slip something in my drink, I can totally find out if you had sex with my unconscious body the next day without having to drag the police into it?

Seriously though, rape should get talked about more, but it's odd to see Cosmo suggesting it's as simple and no-big-thang as, say, sticking a finger in his ass while you're in reverse cowgirl. But hey! Maybe I'm just old and rape is now so just so common it's lost its stigma as a discussion topic. How awesome would that be?

Cosmo

MEGAN: This D.C.-based hangover case is trying to get pissed about something but all I can come up with is a sense of mild disgust that Cindy McCain cites Princess Di as an inspiration. I mean, I know between all her recipe-swiping and whatever that Cindy isn't the most creative person in the world but come on! Between this and Jackie O, can she choose more archetypes of the supportive-but-not-controversial wife to emulate to get her husband elected?
MOE: Wait, one sec, I forgot to tell you I'm doing DIRT BAG today. You know what that means? I fucking read TMZ and Page Six etc. etc. all morning. Apparently Janis Ian via David Geffen turned down an offer to do music for The Graduate. And that is what passes for a Page Six item on a Thursday in late June when Richard Johnson is on vacation!
MEGAN: Well, you go get dirrrty, I'll be here when you get back and not remotely envious of your gossip-reading.

MOE: Wait cindy mccain cites jackie as an inspiration? I thought that was Michelle's territory? And wasn't Jackie kind of controversial? Didn't she like, do drugs and give her daughters eating disorders and repress a full 90% of her emotions like all those beautiful icons of her generation??
MEGAN: Well, sure, but no one said anything about that until much later.

MEGAN: Anyway, we should probably totally talk about the whole North Korea thing briefly. Like, I sort of wonder if it's a good thing that all Kim Jong Il has to do is turn over some stuff detailed his weapons programs — without actually, you know, stopping them — and we're already lifting sanctions?

MOE: Well, what the fuck good have the sanctions done? How much thinner can they get in North Korea? I dunno…I kind of don't get the sense that we're dealing with a rational, logical guy in that Kim Jong Il. Maybe "engagement" would be kind of like the oil cleansing method of fighting breakouts. Like a "love bomb" on that show "Intervention."
MEGAN: Except that didn't we try that in the Clinton Administration? We offered them enticements, conducted negotiations and then Kim did what he wanted to do anyway which was get his hands on nukes. It's totally a no-win situation, but I guess I'm concerned in the medium- to long-term that allowing ourselves to be economically invested there could have negative repercussions on our foreign policy since it, you know, seemingly always does.

MOE: Has becoming economically interdependent with China had negative FP repercussions? I mean, sure you'll find lots of instances where that would be the case — the whole career of this guy, such as — and they haven't been exactly helpful when it comes to dealing with the DPRK, maybe some casino magnate can convince them to change their policy about sending North Korean border-crossers back to North Korea, but I'm trying to hone in on what you're saying wi