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Savage To Take Chastity Belts To TV?
Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
Savage Love Commenters Don't Know Assault When They See It
Savage Hate
"Edgy" New New York Press Sex Columnist Stole Incest Question From Dan Savage

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Kivrin
10/27/09

In reply to Saturday Night ~~Live~~ Love
Ever since I read this Savage Love column a few years ago, I can't look at Andy Samberg without thinking, "That man could suck a d--k sideways."
#savagelove #dansavage #andysambergjoannanewsom
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Bollywhaaa
10/27/09

@Kivrin: Same here. Thanks, Dan Savage. #andysambergjoannanewsom
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sarrible
08/24/09

In reply to Savage To Take Chastity Belts To TV?
I would watch the shit out of that show.
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OneTwoPunch
08/24/09

In reply to Savage To Take Chastity Belts To TV?
"Straight" answers?! Ha! Dan Savage has been a columnist in the Voice, for, shit, 20 years, and we all know he ain't talking to no exclusively hetero audience.

I smell Marketing Fears all over the subtitle copy.
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Ipomoea is a joyful girl promoted this comment Edited by OneTwoPunch at 08/24/09 3:57 PM OneTwoPunch was starred OneTwoPunch was unstarred

Ipomoea
08/24/09

@OneTwoPunch: Considering that book came out 12 years ago, you're probably right.
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bluebears
08/24/09

In reply to Savage To Take Chastity Belts To TV?
I'd be interested to hear peoples take on Dan Savage. I have to say, I do not care for him. His most recent comment about the Pitt. shooter just needing to get laid, sort of sealed the deal for me.
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BeckySharper
08/24/09

@bluebears: I have moments where I think he goes too far--like that one.

But his advice strikes me as extremely practical and non-judgemental--he knows what makes people tick sexually and he doesn't sugar-coat the reality of it. I also like that he never moralizes to people about their fetishes or kinks (provided everyone is a consenting adult).
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valhalla_i_am_coming
08/24/09

@bluebears: Generally speaking, his sexual advice is sound and, as BeckySharper points out, non-judgemental...but he definitely has a thing about anyone who's overweight (fat = GROSS, to him) which bugs me...and for a public figure, he sometimes doesn't have a filter between what he's thinking and what he's saying.
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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
08/24/09

@bluebears: I thought that was incredibly stupid and it seemed like Savage wanted to make some point and just tied it to that story out of convenience. However, I was much more outraged before I actually read Savage's column (rather than the quote about prostitution).

I love him, overall. He's not perfect, and I don't always agree with him, but he's always entertaining. And occasionally he'll apologize for previous advice.
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Yahtzii
08/24/09

@BeckySharper: I agree. I think he's sort of an asshole, which he would be the first to admit, and I have learned SO MUCH by listening to his podcast. I appreciate that he's willing to call people on their narcissistic bullshit while still being open and non-judgmental about just about any kink or fetish that exists. He is also obsessed with a future in which everyone will have their own sex robot, and it's hard to fault that.
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Edited by Yahtzii at 08/24/09 2:44 PM Yahtzii was starred Yahtzii was unstarred

NefariousNewt
08/24/09

@valhalla_i_am_coming: In other words, he can get his Glenn Beck on sometimes.
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CourtleyLove
08/24/09

@bluebears: I also don't agree with everything Savage writes, but I'm not sure that's a fair summary of what he said about that murderer. I think his main point was that men who were celibate (not by choice) for long periods of time, and who recognized that they were getting angry / bitter / resentful about it, should seek help sooner rather than later. He recommended seeing sex workers as well as maybe psychiatrists - not sure how I feel about that, but there you go.
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Yahtzii promoted this comment Edited by CourtleyLove at 08/24/09 2:47 PM CourtleyLove was starred CourtleyLove was unstarred

bluebears
08/24/09

@all: I hear what you're saying and I tend to agree about his advice in sexual matters. Its when he sort of wades into the political that he starts to put me off. Another example was his comments immediately following the election about African American voters being intolerant of gay people.
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NefariousNewt
08/24/09

@bluebears: On the one hand, he certainly does a lot to "demystify" human sexuality, fantasy, and fetish. On the other, he can be hyperbolic, hypocritical, and disconcertingly abrasive.
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Yahtzii
08/24/09

@NefariousNewt: I will take his hyperbolic, hypocritical, abrasive, and stoned cookie-eating-in-the-microphone ass over Dear Abby's namby pamby bullshit any day. I'd rather have someone who's an asshole all of the time than an advice columnist who is terrified of offending anybody.
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Edited by Yahtzii at 08/24/09 2:50 PM Yahtzii was starred Yahtzii was unstarred

bluebears
08/24/09

@CourtleyLove: Yeah, I def. oversimplified it. It just immediately pissed me off. I don't think seeing a sex worker is good advice at all for a person like the Pitt shooter. Psychiatric help? yes. Also I think Savage does his own oversimplifying there by proposing that a visit to a sex worker would alleviate these problems.
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NefariousNewt
08/24/09

@Yahtzii: Well, anybody who wants sex advice is probably not going to seek it in Dear Abby -- at least, I would hope not! I just think that occasionally he tries to bash people's brains in with his advice, and I don't think that's necessary, given most people are probably embarrassed to some degree to be asking these questions in the first place.
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ihateyourescalade
08/24/09

@bluebears: I actually can't stand him.
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ihateyourescalade
08/24/09

@Yahtzii: Those are the options?
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NefariousNewt
08/24/09

@bluebears: That's the odd part of his advice: he can be very sensitive to people's various fetishes, but make sweeping generalizations about people in other areas.
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bluebears
08/24/09

@NefariousNewt: this is why he turns me off. Like you pointed out he can be a hypocrite. He is very accepting of some things and, to my mind, very narrow minded about others.
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valhalla_i_am_coming
08/24/09

@NefariousNewt: I am happy to say I've never seen Mr. Beck...although it appears his show it *almost* commercial-free by now...bonus!!
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Yahtzii
08/24/09

@NefariousNewt: No, but they do ask her for relationship advice. Savage isn't just sex, and I like that he's willing to tell someone to DTMFA. Whenever I've heard him beating people over the head with his advice, they usually deserve it. I've also heard him be very gentle and encouraging with someone struggling with a difficult relationship issue or an embarrassing personal problem.
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Penny
08/24/09

@bluebears: I don't actually know much about him, just that I was really touched by his piece on TAL when he talked about his sexuality and religion. I didn't like what he had to say about the shooter either....at all.
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Plum-Pie
08/24/09

I think he's an arsehole who's mostly very good at his job. His advice recently to a mother with a 14year old gay son was excellent.

@valhalla_i_am_coming: In his book 'The Kid' (about adopting his son), he talks about how lots of people in his family are overweight and he jokes it will happen to him when he gets older.
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bluebears
08/24/09

@Penny: Yeah, I am usually very touched by his pieces on TAL, which was how I came to read his column to begin with. I know that he's said that a lot of the column is tongue in cheek for entertainment purposes and thats fine, but he often uses it as a political forum and I think he needs to almost use another "voice" (if that makes sense) when he talks about those issues. His more serious TAL voice, if you will.
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birminghamdrunk
08/24/09

@ihateyourescalade: blarg. yes those are the only options in the world. there are absolutely no other advice columnists at all. why must you be so obtuse? /rhetorical
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casi nadie (loves MCC forever)
08/24/09

@bluebears: I like Savage. His column and his blog stray a little harsh, but if you've ever listened to the podcast, he can be incredibly sensitive and non-judgmental. I'm excited to see what he does with the show.
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casi nadie (loves MCC forever)
08/24/09

@bluebears: I think that his point was less that the Pitt shooter needed to see a sex worker - I read it as more that the judgmental nature of society towards sex work contributes to a culture where it seems that men are somehow owed sex by women.
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Ipomoea
08/24/09

@bluebears: I fucking love Savage. He has been a consistent source of no-bullshit sex advice for me since the early 90s, when I was just a dumb kid. He definitely isn't perfectly PC, but he is refreshingly honest and knows how to get peoples' attention.

I think his take on the Pitt. shooting is interesting, but if you read Slog (the Stranger's blog), he absolutely blasted the guys who perpetrate this "you deserve to fuck a young hot woman and if they don't get you, it's THEIR fault" theories. He put a lot of the blame on them, but I think the column focused a little too much on the idea that if he'd seen a sex worker (and he freely said he wouldn't want this guy to see any of his sex worker friends), he might not have shot up a room of women.

(Disclaimer: he lives near me, I've bet him a few times, so I'm pretty biased.)
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bananaballs
08/24/09

In reply to Savage To Take Chastity Belts To TV?
For some reason it sounds like it would be a more subversive "Loveline." I like it.
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LolaQuinn is full of beans
07/06/09

In reply to Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
Where is the love for the Go Ask Alice column! God did that get me through my late teens...
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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
07/03/09

In reply to Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
Oh great. Now I'm never going to get any work done. Up 'til this point Dan Savage has been my one and only. Even if I don't always agree with him, at least he's funny and occasionally apologizes when he's wrong, or admits that being sick or hungover often colors his answers.
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bowleserised
07/03/09

In reply to Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
That Double X column sounds awful. Another of those "women like brands so we shall name brands, ooh! women can be bitches" bits of crap. I will investigate...
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SarahHeartburn
07/02/09

In reply to Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
And no Carolyn Hax?
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cait98
07/02/09

In reply to Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
I LOVE LOVE LOVE Dan Savage. I LIKE that he's not afraid to be offensive and challenges this need to be PC all the time. I don't see it as small-mindedness.

Also, in the example cited above, Dan didn't say only women can be bi! That's just not what the coulmn said and I've never heard him deny bi men exist. If anything, I've heard the "well, he's obviously gay!" sentiment a lot more on Jezebel actually.

In that Savage Love article, Dan cited a study that showed men got aroused by the kind of sex they *self-identified* as enjoying, while women were more likely to get aroused by gender combinations outside of how they self-identified. He DIDN'T claim bi men don't exist, he cited a study that shows female sexuality tends to be more fluid. In other words, gay men are gay, bi men are bi, straight men are straight. But gay women may be more likely to mess around with men sometimes, straight women may be more likely to mess around with women sometimes.

Dan was asked whether a guy's "playing for the other team" in college was just a phase? And he responded, likely not. Basically, that he is probably actually gay or bi (And told the advice-seeker to butt out. Maybe it's not that his current girlfriend doesn't "see" it, maybe she's into it)
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Where The Mild Things Are
07/02/09

@cait98: Dan did a column a while back in which he responded to someone asking if it was possible to find a woman with a really high sex drive. He responded, "Nope, if left to themselves women/lesbians would be totally happy just eating pizza and ice cream instead!' Obvs, he got a bunch of angry responses from people proving that was NOT true, and he published them all saying that he'd written his first column to provoke such a response, so that readers could hear it firsthand from women. Which I thought was actually pretty cool.

The problem is, I think some people didn't get it, or were only aware of his initial (and *purposefully* bad advice), and will say with vague recognition, "Isn't he the guy that like hates lesbians....?"
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PeterAbe1ard
07/02/09

In reply to Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
I take issue with these claims about Dan Savage. He's he's "not so good [to have on your side] if you are, say, a bi black dude with body image issues"? Yes, I tend to disagree with him that it's somehow more natural or normal for women to be bi than men. But I've heard him give good advice to bisexual men, & I've NEVER heard him give insensitive advice to either a person of color, or someone who identifies as bi. A few weeks ago on his podcast, I heard him on his podcast talking to a young gay black man who was struggling with coming out to his religious family. Savage gave him thoughtful advice, and consulted with a prominent black lesbian blogger to get an expert opinion.

He also tends to be tough on people *only* if they gain weight during a relationship, because often that's not what their partner wanted and the partner of said person may feel less attracted. He's never claimed that everyone needs to be thin, or that you must be thin to look good or to find a partner in the first place. To suggest this means he'd be insulting to anyone with "body image issues" isn't accurate, & seems a bit like sloppy thinking on your part.

On the other hand, Dear Prudie's "words of wisdom"? Uh... hmmm. In my experience, people don't tend to masturbate because they can't think of anything else to do with their hands. It's not that crazy for a guy to jack off twice a day. Unless his habit is interfering with his sex life -- which wasn't the case here -- who cares?
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Where The Mild Things Are
07/02/09

@PeterAbe1ard: Agreed - Dan has written some crappy columns, which I disagreed with - but he's also been doing this FOREVER, and is bound to hit a wrong note every once in awhile. I think the impact he's had on a sex-positivist mindset far outweighs anything Prudie or Carrie Tennis have ever accomplished.

I seriously credit him with a lot with my personal comfort with sex and sexuality.
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HereComesMyBaby
07/02/09

In reply to Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
I am addicted to advice columns. I could read/watch them all day. Advice, give me it!
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badmutha
07/02/09

In reply to Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
BISH PLZ! I will always and only get my advice from our own Pot Psychology. Tracie & Rich are the best.
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SomeAuthorGirl
07/02/09

In reply to Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
I'll confess to being a Prudie reader. I liked it a bit better before Emily Yoffe took over, but it is still part of my Thursday morning work-avoidance ritual.

Even the title of Friend or Foe reads like some sort of Mean Girls exercise. Any advice columnist that urges the advicee to, on a slow gossip night (whatever that is) talk smack about someone with the rest of their friends is, as they say, full of shit.
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katcarl
07/02/09

In reply to Advice On Advice: Rating Internet Advice Columns
What about Carolyn Hax from the Washington Post? Her advice is more nuanced than Dear Prudie, but more succinct than Savage or Tenis, who tend to ramble a bit too long for my taste.
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Tart of Darkness
07/02/09

@katcarl: I love her! But I have to admit that I forgot about her since I've been online.
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