The show opened with a take on the White House party crashers, and though it felt a bit long at times, the overall premise was pretty good:



Blake Lively then arrived on the scene in a dress that probably made a few censors nervous, and was joined by the cast playing Muppets for her monologue, a joke that felt somewhat tired, considering that the real Muppets went viral recently with their "Bohemian Rhapsody" cover, and the SNL Muppets just couldn't compare.



Musical guest Rihanna appeared in what was probably the strongest part of the show, a digital short starring Andy Samberg as "Shy Ronnie," a dork who was too shy to sing whenever it was his turn.



This "Underground Festival" skit, a parody of an actual promo video for the "Gathering of the Juggalos," was spot-on and hilarious...if you got the reference. I loved it, though I wonder if perhaps it was a bit too obscure for a wider SNL audience, or if it still played as funny for people who didn't get the reference whatsoever:



And of course, there was an obligatory Gossip Girl sketch, called Gossip Girl: Staten Island, which was pretty funny, though I think I laughed more at the adventures of Snooki and The Situation on Jersey Shore earlier this week:



And Bill Hader gave us a funny take on those terribly annoying UPS commercials:



Overall, it was a decent show. Lively did the best she could with the parts she was given and seemed to be having a good time, and most of the sketches were okay, though there were some obvious missteps, such as a "Virginiaca" skit starring Kenan Thompson and Lively that didn't draw many laughs from the studio audience and a Tiger Woods skit that centered around domestic violence jokes, a classy move when you consider that Rihanna was the night's musical guest.

Weekend Update relied on Kenan's worn out Bill Cosby impression and a good but somewhat unnecessary Brittany Murphy impression by Abby Elliot, and it's becoming increasingly obvious that Seth Meyers needs to be balanced out on the desk by a co-anchor, as his smarminess tends to overwhelm the jokes at times and the "special guests" are getting watered down by the week. It would also be nice to see more than one female cast member on the screen at a time; remember when Cheri Oteri, Ana Gasteyer, and Molly Shannon performed together? Or Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, and Maya Rudolph? It seems this season's cast of women never get a chance to interact unless they're surrounded by men in drag or playing backup dancers in someone's else showcase.

Anyway, next week's episode is hosted by Taylor Lautner, with musical guest Bon Jovi, which I'm sure is a Christmas dream come true for your Twilight-and-Jon-Bon obsessed Aunt Helen. Let's hope it's dreamy, or at least worth watching, for the rest of us, as well.

The addition of Klein brings the number of women on the show's writing staff (not including performers, who also write) to at least three (update: a source claims the new total is six), and while it's not totally unheard of for the show to staff up mid-season, it's hard not to see Klein's addition as part of a welcome response by a late night show to all of the media attention they've gotten as an industry this fall about a dire lack of female writers; this news, especially mid-season, feels like part of a very exciting shift.

You might remember Klein from her appearances on Best Week Ever or The Showbiz Show with David Spade, where she was a regular talking head/correspondent, respectively. Or from her stand-up — she's a fixture in the "alternative" comedy scene in both NYC and LA. But Klein's most legendary success so far occurred behind the scenes, when, as a member of the development staff at Comedy Central in the early '00s, she was the primary network champion of a little sketch comedy show called Chappelle's Show.

The most compelling reason for the dearth of female comedy writers in late night TV was presented last month by former Letterman writer Nell Scovell, who attributed the problem partly to male writers feeling uncomfortable around women in a writer's room, or whatever. We all know that's a bullshit attitude for a person (other than Christopher Hitchens) to have in 2009, but it takes time for entire industries to change the way they've always done things. If anyone needs any assurance that Klein, and female comedy writers in general, can more than hold their own when it comes to dirty jokes in a ribald creative setting, they need look no further than a story she told on stage at the storytelling series The Moth called "Dale," the podcast version of which, it so happens, I had to stop listening to on the subway last week because I was laughing so hard people were starting to stare. (And I'd already heard it at least twice.)

The first person who shared this news with me, a comedian, was careful to say it was just a rumor (a rep for NBC has since confirmed). "But if it's not true," she said, "A lot of us will be really sad." That's not even a melodramatic sentiment, when, in 2009, the top three network late night shows still have zero women writers. Get it together, Dave and Conan. (As for Jay, you're, um, fine.)

Related: Jessi Klein [Official Site]
Among Late-Night Writers, Few Women in the Room [NY Times]
Letterman And Me [Vanity Fair]
The Moth: Jessi Klein: Dale [Last FM]

Let's leave aside for the moment that no one could be bothered to find an Asian-American comedian to stand in for this sketch, because by the time the segment ends, that is the least of our worries. China Cold Open is just made of fail:

Angry Asian Man explains:

You've got a very Caucasian Will Forte as Chinese President Hu Jintao, doing some seriously godawful ching chong, alongside Nasim Pedrad, rocking an equally ass-awful accent as his "translator."

This alone is pretty painful. Whatever joke they're going for is completely sabotaged by the fact that everyone is thinking, "Hey, those two aren't Asian." (At least they didn't tape their eyes back.) But it goes on, with this tired, drawn-out joke about "do sex to me" and Hu literally bending over in front of "Obama."

I don't understand how this kind of racial mockery flies on national broadcast television. Is this not yellowface? No, they didn't use "Oriental" makeup, but there's no denying that the effect is there — insulting ching chong and all.

Combine that effect with Fred Armisen's already contentious Barack Obama impersonation and we have some major issues around race, representation and comedy.

Kate Rigg, a comedian herself and someone you may want to add to your predominantly white and male writers room, sums it best when she says:

I'm offended when I see comics get onstage going "…and then I went to the Laundromat. Ching-chong, ching-chong, ching-chong!" Then I'm fucking offended. When someone tells a joke about Asian people and there's no actual joke – the joke is the Asian people. The joke is [racist-comic voice] the funny way they talkie-talkie! "They don't use proper diction! Only verb and noun! Verb and noun!" I just heard a comic that I respect doing that fucking joke the other night. An Asian comic. And I was like, "Dude! Write a punch line or you're just being racist!"

Jokes about racial differences don't work if you are actually being racist. And this sketch, with a screaming, irrational Hu hollering "do sex to me" sits squarely in that camp.

Giving you the one finger salute,

Latoya

China Cold Open [SNL/Hulu]
Yellowface Ching Chong Nonsense On Saturday Night Live [Angry Asian Man]

Related: Did 'SNL' Go Beyond the Pale With Fauxbama? [Washington Post]
Quoted: Kate Rigg On Racism And Comedy [Racialicious]

Gordon-Levitt was a good host, but I almost forgot he was there as the show seemed to belong to Al Gore, who popped up in a skit before sitting down with Seth Meyers on Weekend Update:

Andy Samberg and Kenan Thompson came together to create a digital short centered around a rapping Reba McIntire. It's pretty silly, but it probably would have been funnier had Thompson not been putting on wigs and playing women throughout the season. Kenan in drag is getting a bit old at this point, no? (That said, I've noticed the shows are markedly better this year when Andy and Kenan are around.)

Kenan's "What Up With That?" returned this weekend, and though it's ridiculous, it's just so dumb and silly that it's hard not to laugh. Al Gore got to push his new book, I suspect as part of NBC's "Green Week," and the wonderful Mindy Kaling showed up for a cameo, but didn't get to say anything; however, the look she gives toward the end of the skit is perfect.

"The Mellow Show," starring Andy Samberg as Jack Johnson, JGL as Jason Mraz, and Bill Hader as Dave Matthews, and Dave Matthews as Ozzy Osbourne was probably the best skit of the night, mostly due to Matthews' surprisingly funny Osbourne impression and Samberg's random exclamations of "hemp necklace!" and "ultimate frisbee!"

This "Woman to Woman" sketch isn't terrible, nor is it great, but I was mostly disappointed when I saw the opening, thought, "Oh! A new women's show sketch!" and was then greeted by a cranky Fred Armisen instead. Ah, well.

For some reason, this "Say Anything" skit isn't available via Hulu or NBC.com, which is odd, as it was one of the stronger sketches of the night. Maybe it's a music licensing issue? Jason Sudeikis calling Lloyd Dobler out for "trying to scare the hell out of" Diane Court was awesome:

Overall, a much, much better show than last week. Having a host like JGL certainly helped things, and it seems like the skits were tighter and that the show just had a better overall energy. Blake Lively hosts the next episode of the show, and going by the track record of starlets who have bombed this season, expectations, in our liveblog anyway, aren't so high. But perhaps she'll surprise us—that seems to be the pattern with SNL; for every terrible episode, there's a decent rebound. And that, I suppose, is what keeps us watching.

It was obvious early on that Jones was going to be a shaky host; in her monologue, she came across as terrified and stiff, stumbling over her lines, and the Mad Men jokes provided by the cast (including Fred Armisen, who gives a rather sweet little shout out to his wife, Elisabeth Moss, who plays Peggy Olson on the show) didn't help her out much. My boyfriend, who watches Mad Men every week, said, "Who's January Jones?" when I told him who was hosting. "Betty Draper," I said. He knew Betty, but he didn't know January, which, I suspect, is a position many viewers were in last night. This episode could have been a chance for Jones to step outside of the Draper character; she didn't.
Of course, it doesn't help that the writers put her in period sketches several times, including this atrocious Rear Window sketch, where she stars as Grace Kelly and is subjected to about 8 million fart jokes. I'm only putting this sketch up to demonstrate that while Jones wasn't a great host, the real issue last night was the writing. Fart jokes, poop jokes, and gay jokes galore. I'm not sure if this was because the writers didn't know what to do with Jones or not, or if Jones just wasn't able to keep up with stronger skits, but the writing was rough last night, and it didn't help her at all. This is seriously one of the worst skits I've ever seen on SNL:

This retro party planning video was the best sketch of the evening, starring Jones as a slightly demented housewife offering tips on how to throw a great party. Still, it relied on poop jokes and gay jokes and putting Jones in familiar Betty Draper-esque territory.

I have to admit that I laughed at this Kim Kardashian impression, if only because the voice, as annoying as it is, is pretty perfect.

And Darrell Hammond does do a pretty spot-on Lou Dobbs impression:

But the majority of the show was quite a bit like the 4th hour of the Today show that it loves to skewer so much: nearly unwatchable.

It's fair to say that Jones a pretty terrible host; the format didn't suit her, and comedy doesn't appear to be her strength (it was also hard to see her as anything but Betty Draper, which I'm sure is not what she was going for). But the biggest failure of the evening was the writing. It seems that the writers had no idea what to do with her; as with the Megan Fox episode, Jones was relegated to the background while the cast fumbled around her. Last week's Taylor Swift episode was quite strong by comparison, but it seemed that the writers were having fun going after Swift's connection to the world of tweens and teens, which made for some great skits. Last night, however, Jones seemed to wander across the stage terrified, clinging to fart and poop jokes as best she could, and overall, it was just painful. Of course, this could also be tied to the hosting skills of Jones and Fox, and what the writers had to work with, but it seems that when the show can't rally around its host, it opts to go for the easy joke instead: last season it was gay jokes and violence, and this season it's gay jokes and poop. It's enough to make you feel like this:

• Could Michael Lohan go to jail for the phone calls he's been leaking?

Apparently Dina Lohan has had a protective order since 2005 — and it bans Michael Lohan from communicating with Dina by email or phone through 2011. One of the calls is supposedly from 2008, meaning Michael definitely violated the order. [TMZ]

• A "source" on Nicole Kidman's face at the Country Music Awards: "She looked freakish; She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan." [Page Six]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating! Director Catherine Hardwicke says so! But she says: "It didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film," since KStew was 18. Now that she's 19, it's on! TWILIGHT IS REAL ZOMG SPARKLEVAMP 4EVA BITE ME. [Us]
• Because he is awesome, Johnny Depp has offered to take care of Nicolas Cage's debts. Apparently Johnny was a struggling musician when he met Nic in the '80s, and Nic sent Johnny to his agent, who cast Johnny in Nightmare On Elm Street. [Daily Express]
• Levi Johnston had his Playgirl shoot yesterday, which involved a hockey stick and, naturally, nudity. Levi's manager Tank Jones says: "The shoot was fantastic! People are going to see more of Levi than they thought." Grrrreat. There's another shoot today; may we suggest a moose-skin rug? Or an igloo? [Us]
• Levi Johnston says he sees his upcoming memoir becoming a movie. "I would play myself," he says, naturally. [Gatecrasher]
• As previously mentioned, Chris Brown went to a Footaction store on Wednesday, and was heckled. A woman shouted, "I hope someone beats the fucking shit out of you!" Today Chris will be on Wendy Williams saying he's been "perceived wrong" and I'm definitely remorseful, and it's not something that I take lightly or think that it's, like, under the rug." [Page Six]
• Before the Country Music Awards, Wynonna Judd said Taylor Swift's nomination for Entertainer Of The Year was "too much too soon… I want kids to earn it." But now she says: "My intent was not to take anything from her talent and contributions to the country music industry… Taylor is a beautiful, hard working young woman that deserves the success she has had and I support her as an artist and as a woman in the business." Sure, sure. [Us Magazine]
• Lily Allen has hurt her foot after falling while carrying a suitcase down a flight of stairs. [The Sun]
• DVR alert: Kathy Griffin will be on Law & Order SVU. [TV Guide]
• Balloon Dad Richard Heene turned himself in yesterday and was released on a $5000 bond. [ET]
• Richard Heene will plead guilty to felony charges, his lawyer claims. Mayumi Heene will plead guilty to false reporting to authorities — a misdemeanor. Is there a law against making everyone worry? [NY Post]
• Amy Winehouse is working with a Miami-based producer on her third record, but her visa issues keep her from traveling. [The Sun]
• If you would like to see a mug shot of Cindy Crawford's alleged blackmailer, click the link. He's a former model who took a photograph he found in Cindy's nanny's room, and the pic shows Cindy's daughter bound and gagged for a "prank." [TMZ]
• Nadya Suleman would like for you to know that she is a competent mother. [Us]
• Some guy is auctioning off Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's marriage certificate from when they tied the knot in the Dominican Republic in 1994. The names Jackson + Presley = ca$h. [Perez]
• 20-year-old Daniel Radcliffe smoked pot and a party and it is "news." [Mirror]
• Geena Davis has gained weight and it is "news." [NY Daily News]
• Whoa — Emmy Rossum met Adam Duritz via Twitter? [People]
• BREAKING: Vivica A. Fox and 50 Cent are no longer pissed at each other. [Page Six]
• Rumors abounded but now it's official: Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane are expecting their first child. [Gatecrasher]
• In this video, David Beckham talks about playing with the LA Galaxy today, which means missing an England vs. Brazil game. [Guardian]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $20,000 by British club promoters who claim she accepted money but then did not appear at an event, saying she had a nosebleed. No, really. [NY Post]
• Aerosmith's management reportedly asked Steven Tyler to perform in a wheelchair. "I just wouldn't do it," Tyler told Rolling Stone. Not even if you were contractually obligated to do the gig and hurt yourself acting crazy on stage? Hmm. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Tori Amos' fantasy band would have Janis Joplin on vocals, Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, Bootsy Collins on bass and Zeppelin's John Bonham on drums. [Independent]
• In "10 Questions For Tony Hawk," the skateboarder says: "I don't want to name names. I'm just saying many Olympic sports require less physical effort and less talent than skateboarding." [Time]
• Chris Mann wrote the Three's Company tell-all book Come and Knock on Our Door, and served as consulting producer on NBC's behind-the-scenes movie about Company. On his blog, he writes that before John Ritter died, he was asked about Suzanne Somers' supposed breast cancer, and Ritter said: "We don't know if Suzanne has cancer or not, because she lies." [Retroality.tv]
• Jon & Kate is being replaced by Cake Boss, a show that seems super scripted but still pretty funny. And unlike those weird "challenge" cake shows, the cakes actually look edible and delicious. [NY Post]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor has tax problems. Will she have to move to the country and live on a farm with a pig named Arnold? Oh wait. That was Eva. Anyway, Bernard Madoff is to blame for this. [TMZ]
• Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009 airs December 19, and will feature the best holiday sketches from the show's 35-year history. [NY Post]
• TMZ lifted images from Radar Online. [Page Six]
• The Coen brothers are remaking True Grit, with Josh Brolin instead of John Wayne. [NY Daily News]
• "Look, I really am the last British actor who's not in any of the Harry Potter films. I was looking for something I could do that would make me cool in the eyes of my daughter." — Michael Sheen, of Frost/Nixon and, more importantly, New Moon. He also says: "I had to say to my daughter, 'I heard someone talking about this character Aro in these books. Do you know anything about that?' And she said, 'Yes, he's the leader of the Volturi and he reads people's minds. Are you playing him?' Of course I said, 'no, no, no'. When it was all worked out, she cried. Then she hit me." [Independent]
• It feels weird to do interviews because I don't understand why anyone wants to talk to me. There were all these other guys in high school that were bigger, funnier, and more handsome than I was, so why do you care about what I have to say? You should ask them." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I'm not aware of any fans. I do nothing to live in secrecy, but I really don't get recognized anywhere. Though I was walking my dog recently when someone yelled, 'Hey, Jason!' They said it so sweetly that I turned around and said, 'Hey!' Then they said, 'Fuck you, you asshole!' and drove away." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I had friends growing up, but I struggled to feel like I really fit in. If I was invited to a party, I would just end up sitting on a couch or standing in a corner by myself. But it wasn't like I was getting beat up or anything. I wish I had gotten beaten up, because at least that would've justified why I felt so homesick all the time, even though I was home." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "Susan Boyle is a lovely gracious woman, and I took advantage of that by poking fun at her." — Sharon Osboune, who, a week ago, said SuBo looked like she'd been hit by a "fucking ugly stick." [NY Post]
• We were disappointed, but we understand. He's only 1. But we were in Alaska and have plenty of footage of Trig." — Barbara Walters wanted to have Sarah Palin's grandson Trig in the studio, but he has a cold and couldn't make it. [Page Six]
• "It's disgusting that people would say those things. My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady. There's gonna be a time when I'm way curvier, and that'll be sexy, too." — Ashlee Simpson is tired of people calling Jessica Simpson fat. Ashlee also says her husband loves her body:"Pete isn't worried about stretch marks," she says. "He always makes me feel good." [Gatecrasher]
• "I have half-a-dozen close friends and Mariah is among the dearest. I flatter myself that the relationship is reciprocal: Mariah and I share a strong, sisterly friendship. She signs off all her letters to me with the affectionate endearment: 'Your sis, M.' Though she is stupendously rich and I am relatively poor, it is a friendship of equals. She visits me in my small home; I am a frequent guest at her various mansions and holiday villas all over the world." — from a piece written by a former MTV host who stayed friends with Mariah Carey after meeting her through work. [Daily Mail]
• "There are so many young girls wearing too much makeup, too much hairspray — I find that very dated." — Victoria Beckham. [Gatecrasher via Harper's Bazaar UK]

Swift started the show with a musical monologue, wherein she dropped a few references to her ex-boyfriend, Joe Jonas, and her rumored boyfriend, Taylor Lautner, as well as an expected zinger about Kanye West:



My favorite bit of the night was Firelight, a Twilight parody that replaced sparkly vampires with love-struck Frankensteins (well, technically, love-struck Frankenstein's monsters), mostly due to Swift's Kristen Stewart impression: she has the lip-biting and hair-tucking down pat.



In this "teen driving PSA," Taylor plays "Samantha Samuels," a concerned teen driver who calls out parents for their dangerous driving activities, such as "driving while lecturing" and "driving while revealing family secrets." I have a soft spot for dorky teen sketches, so this one made me laugh quite a bit:



Amy Poehler made a surprise appearance on Weekend Update for a round of "Really?! With Seth And Amy," and as happy as I was to see her (I think they need someone else on the Weekend Update desk to balance out Seth Meyers), the bit seemed a bit off, for some reason.



Abby Elliott also dropped by Weekend Update as "Sarah McLachlan," in order to spoof the singer's incredibly depressing (yet apparently quite effective) ASPCA commercials. It was nice to see female cast members other than Kristen Wiig getting a bit of screen time this week.



As usual, SNL trots out "The View" in order to give a role to a female host; this time, Swift was cast as guest host Kate Gosselin. Her Gosselin impression is okay, but the real highlight of the skit is new cast member Nasim Pedrad's Barbara Walters impression, which is pretty great.



The soundtrack for "Bunny Business" gave the cast a chance to show off various impressions, including Kristen Wiig as Natalie Merchant, Taylor Swift as Shakira, and Andy Samberg as Adam Duritz.


Overall, I thought it was a pretty good show; recurring characters such as Kenan Thompson's "Scared Straight" prisoner and Kristen Wiig's "Penelope" made appearances, but Swift did a good job holding her own in these sketches and making them watchable, even though we've basically seen them a million times before. Swift seemed to be having a lot of fun throughout the show, and her enthusiasm seemed to spread to the rest of the cast. The show wasn't perfect, but it was a lot of fun, and as I said earlier, it was great to see the women of the show who aren't Kristen Wiig get a chance to show their stuff. Here's to hoping next week's episode, starring Mad Men's January Jones, can keep things moving in the right direction.

• Lindsay Lohan is in Morocco for the opening of some resort and was spotted kissing Gerard Butler at the launch party. She allegedly said:

"He's hot, he's mine! I've got no ring on my finger so I'm going to have lots of fun. This is the most romantic place in the world." Of course, since Gerard was linked to Jen A, this piece begins: "It seems there is yet more heartbreak in store for unlucky-in-love Jennifer Aniston." [Daily Mail]

• Lindsay Lohan Tweeted from Morocco: "some guy was following me, then pulled up in his car&pointed a GUN at me! The guy started laughing&pushed the trigger&it was a fake gun..I was crying..he scared me." [Gatecrasher]
• Lindsay's dad Michael Lohan — who's been talking about kidnapping his daughter and doing some kind of intervention, has been threatened with imprisonment by Dina Lohan, who says: "He is hurting Lindsay. It breaks my heart. She says, 'Mommy, when is he ever going to stop?' He is also six months behind in his child support. On Monday we will file a violation order and if he doesn't pay he'll go to jail." Oh, and you know those voicemail messages Michael was going to play on TV? Dina fumes: "He's getting a cease-and-desist letter so that's not going to happen. If it's something personal about your child, you don't go public with it." Dina also says: "He is desperate and spiraling out of control." [Daily Express]
• "My father is a lunatic & doesn't even deserve such a title since he's never been around in my life other than when he'd threaten me & my family. He should be where he has always put himself after verbally abusing and physically abusing people all my life-behind bars. It's so sad to get a phone call from my baby sister just now asking, 'why is daddy doing this?' Through tears. He's crossed the lines & hurt me & my family 4 the last time." — Lindsay Lohan. [People via Lindsay's Twitter]
• Michael Lohan says he'll stop talking if Lindsay goes to rehab. "But if the lies continue and the prescription drug use doesn't stop, neither will I." He also says: "I wasn't going to let people hear Dina's drunken rants about Lindsay, and I certainly wasn't going to let people hear anything about Lindsay, but now that Dina and Lindsay continue to lie and deny their problems, and even make up stories about me, NOW you will see and hear Lindsay's calls and texts. I am NOT the liar, they are. Hopefully then, they will realize how deceptive and in denial they are and finally realize that lying and denial are part of their addictions. I am sorry I had to take this route, but I have tried and tried to help Linds and I have been lied about long enough." [Radar Online]
• Kelly Bensimon was spotted being civil at her Halloween party! "She was dancing and saying hi to everyone," a partygoer says. "A lot of people were kind of shocked at how nice she was being." Kelly was also totally buddy-buddy with former frenemy Jill Zarin, who came dressed as Poison Ivy. [Gatecrasher]
• Tonight TLC will air Kate: Her Story, in which NBC's Natalie Morales sits down with Kate Gosselin for "her most intimate interview to date." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Precious is getting Oscar buzz, but the cast and crew are being cautious. "I know nothing about that," Mariah Carey said when asked about the Academy Awards. Director Lee Daniels said: "I'm in my bubble. The minute I embrace that concept of Oscar buzz then I'm in the fetal position with the covers over my head, chain smoking with a bottle of tequila, sitting next to the phone waiting for my agent to call me. I can't go there, I don't even embrace it." [Mirror]
• "As far as the Oscar, this being my first film, I'm having the best ride of my life. I don't know what makes an Oscar-winning actress. I don't feel like Halle Berry or Meryl Streep. I just feel like Gabby." — Gabourey Sidibe. [NY Post]
• Katie Holmes has replaced Liv Tyler in an indie comedy called The Romantics and will also serve as executive producer on the flick. The plot: eight friends from college reunite for a wedding. The cast includes Anna Paquin, Josh Duhamel, Malin Akerman, Elijah Wood, Adam Brody and Jeremy Strong. [Variety]
• Even though some of her items were recently returned to her, Paris Hilton feels "very, very violated" by being burglarized by the Teen Thieves. I could write that I feel very very violated after seeing her topless sex tape pix all over the Internet but whatever. [The Sun]
• One of Lady Gaga's earliest memories is watching her mother going through her fashionable closet: "She always looked so much more pristine than all the other mothers. I have a lot of her in me." At the link, see Gaga in a pink wig and studded mask. [ONTD via Flare Magazine]
• Ewan McGregor and George Clooney are both in Men Who Stare At Goats, but it's not the first they've worked together: In 1997, Ewan guest-starred on ER as a robber who gets shot; Clooney was the surgeon who tries to save him. "I was literally unconscious," Ewan says. "He was just doing all the dialogue over my undressed body." [USA Today]
• Your moment of Zen: Click to see Jon Stewart, his wife and kids dressed up for Halloween! [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
• Blake Lively was a brunette flight attendant for Halloween; Penn Badgley was a 1970s basketball player. Michael Kors was a hippie. [Gatecrasher]
• Coco and Rihanna celebrated Halloween with an interesting skin-to-costume ratio. [The Life Files]
• The guy who was arrested for attacking Ryan Seacrest's security guard was training to be an actor and TMZ has video of one of his scenes. [TMZ]
• On December 7, Carrie Underwood's two-hour Fox variety show, Carrie Underwood: An All-Star Holiday Special will air, featuring a duet with Dolly Parton and a trio with Christina Applegate and fellow Oklahoman Kristin Chenoweth. She'll also sing with American Idol alum David Cook: "We sound really good together, point blank… Out of all the people that have been on Idol, he's my best friend." [USA Today]
• In The Last Station, Helen Mirren plays Sofya, Tolstoy's wife of 48 years and the mother of his 13 children. Mirren, whose real name is lynea Mironov, felt a connection with her character: "My great great grandmother was a Russian countess and one side of my family was Russian aristocracy; the other was English working-class, so I'm a good contradiction." And: "This is one of the great women's roles in film. Sofya is a wonderfully tempestuous and passionate person." [Telegraph]
• Mark your calendars: January Jones, aka Mad Men's Betty Draper, will host Saturday Night Live on November 14 — with the Black Eyed Peas as musical guests. November 21, it'll be Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the Dave Matthews Band. [EW]
• Despite all the scandal, The Late Show With David Letterman hasn't shown lower ratings. It's down 8% in its coveted 18-49 demo but up 13% total viewers… Compare that to The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien, which is down 15% in the demo and down 47% in viewers. [Reuters]
• Cute pic of Sam Ronson on the back of Mark Ronson's scooter. [Daily Mail]
• Edward Norton ran the New York Marathon with an unofficial time of 3:48:01. He and 3 Masai warriors — and others, including Alanis Morrisette and David Blaine — ran to raise money for the Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust. [ONTD]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the New York marathon as well; pic at the link. [Gatecrasher]
• Model Veronica Webb also ran the marathon. [Page Six]
• The cast of Glee will be presented with a Hollywood Diversity Award later this month. [Reuters]
• A waiter at high-end restaurant Clarke Cooke House in Newport, Rhode Island asked Kevin Spacey not to smoke in the establishment. Spacey called the guy an "aggressive prick" and the guy got fired. [Radar Online]
• At the link, Sparkle Vamp Robert Pattinson does his best James Dean for Vanity Fair. [ONTD]
• Speaking of the Sparkle Vamp: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will allegedly be on the December cover of Harper's Bazaar. [WWD]
• Mel Gibson is a father for the eighth time: His girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva had a baby girl on Friday. By the by, Oksana is 39; Mel's eldest daughter Hannah is 28. [Daily Mail]
• Kelly Rowland plays a happy housewife and mom of triplets in the new 50 Cent video, although there's a twist at the end. [The Life Files]
• Clive Owen's costars can't stop gushing about how awesome he is. [The Star]
• Tila Tequila is auctioning off a plaster cast of her boobs to help raise money for breast cancer awareness. [Page Six]
• "British film icon Sir Michael Caine has abandoned his support of the Labour party and announced he will vote Conservative at the next general election." [Telegraph]
• RIP August Coppola, Nicoalas Cage's dad and Francis Ford Coppola's brother. [Page Six]
• Q: Did you ever think that the dancing baby was ridiculous?
  A: "No, honestly, I was quite intrigued by it. I thought it was smart! Obviously, it was symbolic of Ally's biological clock ticking away, and I thought, what a great way to do that. I loved the fantasy sequences; I loved that we got to see her imagination come to life." — Calista Flockhart on Ally McBeal. [Newsweek]
• "Would you take a photo with me? I love Asians!" — Anthony Anderson. [Page Six]
• "What do you mean, you don't know who I am? I'm on Bravo." — Chad from Million Dollar Listing. [Page Six]
• "In the area of our veterans coming home with traumas or PTSD or whatever, it's one of those issues that isn't pretty to look at. We ask these people to fight for us and risk their lives, and certainly potentially alter their outlook of the world or how they react to things. I think it would be nice for us as a society to have some more awareness of what they go through, and to take on some more responsibility for the results of our asking them to go over there." — Tobey Maquire, who plays a Marine captain who survives captivity in Afghanistan only to find his relationship back home with his family — and his self-image — changed, in the family drama Brothers. [LA Times]
• "[The movie] is definitely not a history lesson. It's very relatable. She doesn't get on with her mother. She's in love for the first time. She's a teenager. And she's in a job where she's in way over her head." — Emily Blunt on the teenage Queen in Young Victoria. [LA Times]
• "I think parents need to take a lot more responsibility than they do about whether it's OK for their children to go to Resident Evil or any other movie with violence or sex or whatever. It's really easy to blame Hollywood for violence having an effect on kids, but movies would have no power if parents would just set their own standards. And it's the same with video games." And: "I did this movie .45 that kind of never saw the light of day, it went straight to DVD. I really connected with this character who was a victim of domestic violence but ends up taking control. I think a lot more women today are taking control as opposed to being the kind of stereotypical female who's weepy and gets abused by men. Women are more educated now about abuse. It's not like it was in the '80s. I think they're much more in control of all aspects of their lives. I think Japanese girls are fascinated with strong women. Their culture really puts such a focus on being subservient. Like, you go to Tokyo and they bow and they want to make sure everything's good. That's like a cultural phenomenon. So I think to see a woman kicking butt and using weapons makes them feel a little empowered. So there's a huge fan base for the Resident Evil movies over there." — Milla Jovovich. [ONTD via Parade]
• "I don't want to be a movie star like Angelina Jolie. Nothing about being a celebrity is desirable. I'm an actor. It's bizarre to me that everybody's so obsessive." — Kristen Stewart. [Showbiz Spy]
• "I like to iron. Ironing is comfort. It's control. I'm a nutty person who likes to make sure everything is in its place." — Sandra Bullock. [The Life Files via Parade]
• "I think I'm just misunderstood. I'm not a fame seeker. Everyday I look in the mirror and I wonder [why I'm famous]. I don't sing. I don't dance. I'm not a Nobel Peace Prizewinner. I just had eight kids and I had a show on TLC… Half the stuff I've done, if I look at my moral compass, I shouldn't have done. I know that but I did it anyway. It's like fame canceled out conviction. I want to apologize to Kate in private… I'll apologize to her for openly having relationships in the public eye. That was a huge mistake, because if she would've done that to me, I would have been extremely pissed off. Not because our relationship is over, it's almost like a stab in the back. And now that I think about it, it was a very wrong thing to do. I definitely regret it." — Jon Gosselin. [People]

Kenan Thompson's "What Up With That?" was probably the funniest skit of the night, if only because it was absurd on many levels; Bill Hader plays Lindsay Buckingham for no reason whatsoever, James Franco makes a cameo appearance, which is a theme this season, I guess, and Kenan spends the majority of the skit singing the very catchy theme song, which I've been singing since last night. I'm still not sure if flashing the BET logo and presenting Kenan's show as a BET show—on which he is the only black person out of about 10 cast members—was an in-joke at SNL's expense or a sign of how oblivious this show is when it comes to the their own casting issues. Slightly related: Andy Samberg was totally missing from last night's show. What up with that?



Kristen Wiig stopped by Weekend Update to make fun of Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder, which we covered on the site last week. Update: Apparently Hulu's coding for this is redirecting to a Doogie Howser clip right now, and NBC's site is redirecting to some kind of error, so hopefully this will be fixed soon. In the meantime, here's another Weekend Update clip:



The Rock made another appearance as "The Rock Obama," which is fine, whatever, as long as we don't have to sit through Armisen's increasingly half-ass impression for a full sketch (though in fairness, he seemed to be more on last night than in previous weeks):



This Beauty and The Beast sketch was filled with beautiful sets, costumes, and multiple ass jokes. Bill Hader's Lumiere makes it worth watching, really.



Overall, okay, but the show dragged a bit and Andy Samberg's absence was noticeable. Kristen Wiig had yet another sketch devoted to an awkward character in a big wig and 70s clothes, which is just getting annoying, as it's really overdone. I know Wiig has seniority on the show at this point, but it would be nice to see the other women in the cast have roles that aren't "background singer #2" once in a while, you know? The best part of the night might have been the Bud Light ad campaign, which showcased Dress Rehearsal footage from past SNL seasons, which made me laugh harder than anything on the actual show. Anyway, what did you think of last night's episode?