Abortion Ruins the Communal Shower Experience, Says Rick Santorum

Like an irritatingly tenacious but not particularly cool or tough Batman villain (Penguin), greasy uterine crusader Rick Santorum refuses to accept defeat. Normally, I'd recommend ignoring everything the man says on account of the fact that he's ridiculous/irrelevant, but every once in awhile, there's a spike in his… » 8/07/13 5:40pm 8/07/13 5:40pm

Apparently Someone Died and Made Rick Santorum Pope

Did you know that when Rick Santorum lost the Republican primary this spring, he became Pope of America? It's a little known clause in the Constitution that allows any crazy person who runs for President and wins at least one primary to declare themselves King of something as a consolation prize. Rick Santorum has… » 8/16/12 6:40pm 8/16/12 6:40pm

Republican Women Just Can't Get Enough Santorum

Rick Santorum has some unlikely allies in the war on women— women. And the nuttier his public proclamations, the more conservative ladies love him. According to a new poll, the former Pennsylvania Senator's favorability rating among female conservatives has jumped 13 points since January— and its biggest jump has… » 2/24/12 11:05am 2/24/12 11:05am

Internet Jokesters Redefine 'Romney' To Mean 'Shitting Oneself in…

Great news, people with weak stomachs! With Rick Santorum surging and frothing all over the polls and Americans wasting unprecedented amounts of brain energy to wipe the internet definition of "Santorum" from their brains, a new immature yet awesome poop-related neologism has been made out of the name of a Republican… » 2/13/12 7:00pm 2/13/12 7:00pm

Rick Santorum's Anti-Abortion Politics Would Have Killed His Own Wife…

Let's get down to brass tacks: Presidential candidate Rick Santorum, Personhood Pledge-signing, Griswold vs. Connecticut-opposing, Mr. Ban Abortion in All Circumstances With No Exception for the Life of the Mother, believes that the actions of his own wife should be treated as criminal. Why? Because, back in 1996, his… » 1/05/12 1:10pm 1/05/12 1:10pm

Rick Santorum Vows To Protect States' Rights To Outlaw Birth Control

Pennsylvanian political discharge Rick Santorum is having a great week. He's suddenly, grotesquely surging in Iowa, Rupert Murdoch and his steampunk propaganda machine Fox News have endorsed him, and people are finally showing up at his rallies. He'd like to take this opportunity to remind you, now that you're… » 1/03/12 5:40pm 1/03/12 5:40pm

Lowlights From The Eight Zillionth Republican Debate

Last night, Republican presidential hopefuls got the band back together again for another debate reunion tour, and like most bands whose best albums are behind them, the old familiar songs just didn't sound the same. Chords were off. Rick Perry forgot the words. Mitt Romney experienced a hair gel malfunction… » 11/10/11 11:40am 11/10/11 11:40am