According to Shirley Wang of the Wall Street Journal, scientists measured Santa-faith not only against belief in the garbage man (no word on whether any kids thought he was stealing their garbage), but also against a made-up entity named the Candy Witch who they claimed arrived on Halloween and exchanged candy for toys. 70% of three-year-olds believed in Santa, while 78% believed in the — apparently only marginally more convincing — garbage collector. Among five-year-olds, the percentage of Santa adherents was actually higher, at 83%. And scientists were able to con almost two thirds of preschoolers into believing in the Candy Witch, with five-year-olds again more credulous than younger kids.

The scientists caution that most of the kids in the study were Christian, possibly making them more vulnerable to the Santa mythos. But as the Candy Witch experiment illustrates, kids are pretty easy to fool, even without the benefit of 100-plus years of quasi-religious tradition. It's not really so surprising that children's "magical thinking" grows (temporarily) stronger with age, either. I don't remember being three all that clearly, but I do seem to recall a lot of confusion — if woolly mammoths came out of the tar pits, might they also come out of the asphalt on the playground? Did our vacation last two weeks or two years? Did strange dreams prove you were an alien? I was totally mystified by the universe — but by five or so, like many kids, I had become a tiny conservative. I had a theory about how the world worked — a theory that included not just Santa but also herbivorous monsters and the idea that everyone whose name started with the same letter was somehow related — and I planned on taking that theory to the grave. Except that because of my various schemes for immortality, I was never going to die.

Of course, that all went to shit around age eight or so. This turns out to be about average — the researchers found that belief in Santa began to decline around age 7, and had dropped to a third by age 9. Meanwhile, nearly all nine-year-olds had accepted the reality of the garbage man. In a blog post on the same topic, Wang writes that kids who discover Santa is fake "often seem to relish that they figured out the secret, rather than feel sad." This wasn't my experience. Even as the persuasive voices of other kids on the bus grew too loud to ignore, I clung to my belief in Santa, afraid of the drastic worldview reorganization that letting go would require. I went through what cartoonist Roz Chast calls the "Santa is, like, a spirit" period, and when I finally accepted that a supernatural jolly being was not bringing me Barbie dolls, I remained pretty despondent for a while. In fact, this was the beginning of a time when I was no longer very excited about kid stuff, but there was no grown-up or even teenage stuff yet, and life looked kind of bleak.

Wang says scientists think children's "magical thinking" and belief in fantasy characters may "have a key role in helping children take someone else's perspective," and this seems likely enough. But I also think that believing in things like Santa is just a step along the way to developing some sort of personal understanding of the workings of the universe, something everybody needs in order to get through the day. Religious people may have a slightly easier time with this, but they still have to evaluate which parts of their chosen tradition actually ring true to them. As an agnostic, I don't believe in Santa or God, but I do believe that it's dangerous to look directly at the microwave (I read this somewhere!), that putting toilet paper on the seat shields me from germs (obviously false; totally comforting), that eyelash wishes are so powerful I need to think hard before I make them, and that if I have bad thoughts about people they will start having bad thoughts about me. And I believe that all these beliefs — plus Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Candy Witch — are ways of making whatever sense we can out of the many things in life we'll never really understand.

The Power Of Magical Thinking [Wall Street Journal]
Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus: The Importance Of Magical Thinking [Wall Street Journal]

You may not know this, but Santa Claus is quite the procrastinator. Sometimes, he waits until four or five days before Christmas to gather up naughty and nice information. It takes him from the highest mountains to the bottom of the sea, but eventually he gets it done. However, there are several stops along the way.


First, he checks the trains to ensure that they'll deliver all the toys on time. The Polar Express doesn't just run on magic and delicious hot chocolate, you know!


Next, he has to pick up the dry cleaning, as he can't been seen on Christmas Eve in anything but his best suit, freshly pressed.


Of course, he also needs to fuel up. It's a recession, man. Even Santa can't pass up a 5 dollar footlong sandwich.


And I suppose we can't blame the man for wanting to check out a few toys for himself, for a change.


Santa is also incredibly popular in the sea, and visits the sea animals a few days before Christmas to deliver their gifts.


The fish are pretty excited, as you can see.


He even gives gifts to the sharks!


And Baby Beluga has clearly made the "nice" list this year.


Penguins are also big Santa fans.


Most likely because he protests against global warming.


In the end, however, he's all about business.


After all, there's work to do!

[All Images Via Getty.]

[San Salvador, December 17. Image via Getty]

Ingrid Garcia (L) is hughed by Einar Sveinsson, dressed like Santa Claus, at the Benjamin Bloom Children National Hospital in San Salvador, El Salvador on December 17, 2009. Sveinsson, a professional Santa Claus, donates his time every year to bring Chrismas presents and relief to hospitals children . AFP PHOTO/ Jose CABEZAS (Photo credit should read Jose CABEZAS/AFP/Getty Images)

[Medellín, December 2. Image via Getty]

Mannequins wearing Santa Claus' caps are displayed at a mall in Medellin, Antioquia department, Colombia on December 2, 2009. AFP PHOTO Raul ARBOLEDA (Photo credit should read RAUL ARBOLEDA/AFP/Getty Images)

San Gabriel, CA. December 13. Image via Filmmagic.

• Robin Toner, the first female national political correspondent for The New York Times died today at the age of 54. • A study of female sex workers in Cambodia found that women who are new to the sex industry are twice as likely to have gonorrhea or chlamydia. • Death Metal Puppy! (Warning: don't watch this at work without headphones.) • Meanwhile, a woman in Florida is trying to get a zoo to capture and adopt a healthy albino raccoon living in the woods because she fears someone will shoot it. • The Toronto police have charged a 34-year-old woman with making prank phone calls to local parents on December 4, telling them that their child had been sexually assaulted by a school employee. • While in prison in Italy, Amanda Knox recited the famous "to be or not to be" monologue from Hamlet for a small Italian film. • A recent survey found that 46% of women would rather go without sex for 2 weeks than go without Internet access for that amount of time. • An AP probe has found that at least 129 ambulance attendants have been accused of sex-related crimes, on duty or off, for the past 18 months. • A new study reports that men inherit the tendency to have more sons or daughters from their parents. • Shaggy, a reindeer from England, had to be given fake antlers for a Christmas performance after his own antlers fell off three weeks ago. • Staircases for pets have been gaining popularity in response to increased interest in tall, thick mattresses and beds. • The Saudi city of Dammam has held the first privately organized but public forum about divorce reforms to protect Saudi women in the event of a divorce. •

[Image via The Poop]

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, New York, November 27. Image via Filmmagic.

• Armed gunman in India today attacked 7 different sites in Mumbai in a reported attempt to kill as many Americans and Brits as possible, not that they spared any Indians while they were killing. At least 78 people lost their lives. [Huffington Post]
• In addition, the FBI has information that al Qaeda may have discussed attacking subways and trains in and around New York City this holiday weekend. People in New York should expect an increased security presence. [Huffington Post]
• On the eve of a holiday dedicated to stuffing one's face with rich food, it is important to note that the number of Americans on food stamps is expected to reach an all time high this month. It's something to chew on with your turkey, and then give thanks that you're either not one of those Americans, or, if you are, that the anti-government Republicans didn't manage to dismantle at least that part of our important but much-maligned "welfare" state. [Washington Post]

• Al Franken today lost a fight to have 12,000 rejected absentee ballots counted during the recount in the Minnesota Senate race. [CNN]
• Noted John McCain fan Ayman al-Zawahiri is now complaining about the media's pro-Obama bias, while Republicans everywhere are sliently praying that he'll shut the fuck up again so they can go back to saying that. [Huffington Post]
• Hot Obama speechwriter Jon "Not that Jon Favreau" Favreau will keep his job writing speeches for Obama and his side gig in being hot. [NY Times]
• Obama has additionally launched a new website for Americans to discuss aspects of health care reform. Yes, you can. [Huffington Post, Change.gov]
• There is a woman in Ohio who keeps a blog devoted to Brian Williams' ties, which wouldn't totally be news because there's a blog for everything, only Brian Williams admits to peeking at it. He has not, however, changed his sartorial choices in the face of it. [Associated Press]
• MTV is throwing its own (televised) inaugural gala on Inauguration Night, which will be attended by "celebrities" and "government officials." This is not to be confused with any of the gazillion official Inaugural Balls that Barack and Michelle Obama will actually be attending. [Associated Press]
• Malia (10) and Sasha (7) Obama still send Christmas lists to Santa, so Barack Obama had to be careful not to spill the beans about who buys their gifts. Memo to Obama: Malia might know, but just not be willing to admit it. It's the curse of being the older daughter. [Associated Press]

• Oh yeah, remember the "pickpocket terrorist" from yesterday? It turns out that she has been arrested 73 times, not 37 times, and she alleges that she lives at the White House. • A new study of Japanese eaters suggest that people who eat quickly until they are full are three times more likely to be overweight. • A female Turkish interior designer is a member of team that is overseeing the construction of the Sakrin Mosque, the first mosque to be designed by women. • A shoe that belonged to Mr. Rogers and was pinched from the Louisiana Children's Museum by Tulane Law School students was returned yesterday. • Fans of Stockholm's AIK team heckled Jan Huokko of the Leksand hockey club when his team played AIK on Tuesday by throwing dildos on the rink, in reference to a sex tape starring Huokko and his girlfriend that was leaked earlier this year.• A new study reveals that 79% of women using hormonal contraceptives have concerns about their birth control method, mostly over issues that might harm the birth control's effectiveness like spontaneous sexual activity and forgetting to take a pill. • Valerie Tripp, the author of more than 50 "American Girl" books, based the popular stories of Kit Kittredge on her mother's experiences during the Great Depression. • The Advisory Committee of Immunization Practices decided today that adult smokers under 65 should get pneumococcal vaccine, a shot that protects against pneumonia, meningitis, and other illnesses. • The FDA announced that surgical mesh is linked to serious complications in women when the mesh is used to hold a patient's pelvic organs in place during procedures to treat incontinence. • A female football kicker for the New Creation Center Crusaders in Georgia helped her team beat the East Atlanta Mustangs, a team that originally opposed playing a female football player because of religious reasons. • A pregnant woman in Tokyo was denied admission to 7 healthcare institutions in Japan for emergency treatment on October 4th; she later died three days after giving birth and undergoing surgery for a brain hemorrhage at a hospital that finally agreed to treat her. • A popular female math teacher at Portland High School in Tennessee has been charged with having sex with three of her male students in a supply closet or off campus. •

ANA MARIE: Greetings from Milwaukee's FINEST hotel.

MEGAN: You're at a Marriott, aren't you.

ANA MARIE: But you know, I had to wait, like 90 minutes for my luggage last night. I didn't get a king size bed! There is no creamer in my in room coffee! WIRE COAT HANGERS!!!! Actually, we're at "The Pfister," which has led to many attempts at humor from the traveling press corps. Personal favorite? "Pfister? I hardly knew her." (Hi, Sasha!)

MEGAN: See, I prefer wire coat hangers to the kind that don't come off the rod, which it's just like: really? I'm going to steal a hanger? Fuck you.

ANA MARIE: Actually, the coat hangers are fine. And there's a robe. That was all a rather extended segue into Alex Balk's rather awesome rant about a certain campaign journalist's peak at "how the other half lives." That someone would — apparently unself-consciously — use the title of a book about the lives of the desperately poor to describe the life of a pampered campaign journalist is... gosh, the word "ironic" is overused, huh I admit: I have complained about such things as HAVING TO GET UP EARLY. Or WAITING IN LINE.

MEGAN: Not that I like mornings. Or other people in my way.

ANA MARIE: Totally! It sucks!

MEGAN: Or pretty much anything before coffee.

ANA MARIE: But you know what? I am staying in Milwaukee's finest hotel. And I'm not being sarcastic.

MEGAN: I used to work for a Milwaukee-based company. It's really not a bad town. It's way better than Lansing. Plus, you really can get cheese with pretty much everything you'll eat there.

ANA MARIE: But to anyone complaining in public and unironically about pretty much anything inconvenient about life on the trail gets one response from me: I bet they deliver the luggage right on time in Baghdad, asshole. Seriously: More journalists have died covering that illegal war than any other international conflict. So if you are unsatisfied with the food in the file center, I am sorry. And this is just staying in the realm of "other bad jobs IN JOURNALISM you could have." If we went in the direction of "thankful for having a job at all" I could get a little angrier. Oh, and I've just made a discovery! Outrage is as good a pick-me-up as coffee.

MEGAN: Yeah, asshole, come blog with me! My couch can totally fit two people and I guarantee you won't have trouble finding your bags because my apartment is small. Also, I mean, like, has that guy not traveled other than for work? My sister went on her honeymoon and the airlines lost her luggage for two days.

ANA MARIE: Oh, and did I say "other bad jobs in journalism"? I meant "other jobs you could have in journalism which is rapidly shrinking pool thanks to the ever growing trend of treating news as entertainment and otherwise not putting any money at all into actual investigative reporting but instead spending $50k a month to keep you on the trail covering Barack Obama from the confines of a slightly off-smelling CHARTER PLANE."

MEGAN: He should be thankful it's not a bus.

ANA MARIE: A bus that people the color of certain presidential candidates used to sit at the back of. I suppose we should move along. But if I see Dean Reynolds today, I will ask him if he slept well on the pillow top beds here at the Pfister.

MEGAN: Why, so we can state obvious things like McCain's mortgage buyout plan will cost taxpayers money? Let alone make the government the entity responsible for foreclosing on people?

ANA MARIE: Oh god. Well the good thing about McCain's plan is that it depends on him being elected president.

MEGAN: But he's that one with the stones to bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran which we're obviously going to need to do.

ANA MARIE: Well I was worried we'd look silly going bankrupt as a nation spending on only two wars. Three? That makes us look like at least we have a reason.

MEGAN: Well, if we actually gave a shit about nuclear proliferation we might have had 4, but since it's all about posturing and hating on those of the Islamic faith, we might keep it to 3.

ANA MARIE: (Side note: apparently outrage+hangover is a worse combination than coffee+hangover because I'm kind of nauseous!)

MEGAN: Not including Pakistan, of course, we would never attack Pakistan, what with its stable and Democratic government run by a kleptocrat with little intention of hurting his personal access to power and money by reining in Taliban and al Qaeda insurgents on the borders that are attacking American troops in Afghanistan. There, well, that's a time for diplomacy.

ANA MARIE: But Megan, they're all BROWN (ish)! Can't add NoKo to the list just based on that? Well, Pakistan is a failed state.

MEGAN: It totally was (not) when Musharraf, our Great Ally, took it over in a political coup.

ANA MARIE: I am too hungover to even roll my eyes.

MEGAN: Also, do you think anyone in our foreign policy establishment has looked around and gone, hmmm. Maybe the reason countries like Iran want nukes is because when countries like Pakistan get them —regardless of their politics or warlike nature — America starts teabagging their leaders?

ANA MARIE: (And drinks last night were, of course, bought on the tabs of various major news organizations. BUT THEY DID NOT HAVE BASIL HAYDEN AT THE BAR, so I'm pissed.) Or, you know, countries like Iran want nukes because we have them?

MEGAN: My hangover is brought to you courtesy of a $9 bottle of Greg Norman Syrah bought at the grocery store. My outrage is from 2 years of a foreign policy Masters program.

ANA MARIE: I love Greg Norman wines! I had some GN chard on Tuesday. At the PF Changs in Nashville. Where dinner was courtesy of a nice Secret Service agent. BUT THEN IT RAINED. FUCK YOU, UNIVERSE.

MEGAN: Well, it was after Labor Day, presumably you weren't wearing white.

ANA MARIE: I haven't worn white since my thighs grew to their current size.

MEGAN: Best headline to a boring story we'll get all day: "Todd Palin had unusual access to wife's staff."

ANA MARIE: His wife has a staff? I thought we only made transgender jokes about Hillary! Yay, progress!

MEGAN: Also, I guess we now know what kind of kicky sex she was with "Driller" who I think the Secret Service probably should have dubbed "Drillee" if this is true.

ANA MARIE: I'm just glad women in power no longer have to be kind of butch in order to have people suspect they have a penis.

MEGAN: Well, they are pretty easy to buy these days, except in Mississippi.

ANA MARIE: And Scalia is so pissed about that. I see Hannity re-upped with Fox. So, you know, the nation is safe. In the sense that Colbert will not be cancelled for the next whatevermany years.

MEGAN: I think Scalia is pissed at the proliferation of sex toys because he blames them for not getting any ass. When, really, even lacking a sex toy, I would not ever have fucked Scalia. I don't think I'm alone in this.

ANA MARIE: Okay, I have met Scalia and I found him charming. But I also — in my single days — was not a stranger to sex with guys that made me hate myself. (Thank you Chris for saving me from that!)

MEGAN: You know, I actually thought about it and there's not anyone I hate myself for fucking. But I am also really egotistical, so it might have just not made a dent.

ANA MARIE: I actually argued with Scalia about partial birth abortion. At a party.

MEGAN: And? Did he argue back?

ANA MARIE: He basically tolerated my and my friend's drunken ranting with good humor. When he probably could of had us arrested. Or killed. Quick side note: I was once telling this story the daughter of one of our major presidential nominees and she asked, "Who's Scalia?"

MEGAN: Ok, but, I mean, it's not really fair to ask Malia to know these things.

ANA MARIE: Hint: this daughter had skin that could not in any way be described as "dusky." To be fair, Malia was really articulate when she defended the Kelo decision.

MEGAN: Anyway, should we discuss the new Ayers ads?

ANA MARIE: Christ. Here's the thing — and I know you might/will definitely disagree — what's weird about the Ayers shit is that, of all the things you could use to draw Obama's judgment into question, the best you can come up with is Ayers? Serious? Because I honestly think the 20 years he spent in Jeremiah Wright's church is a more interesting question. I ultimately don't think it changes my mind about voting for the guy, but it's a more interesting question.

MEGAN: Well, I mean, I don't disagree with you that there are better rational things but I think the Ayers think allows McCain's campaign to repeat the word "terrorist" over and over again and you know people ain't thinking some white college professor dude.

ANA MARIE: Yeah. Tho I don't think McCain actually focus-grouped that. Then again, he didn't have to.

MEGAN: It's like a twofer. It's hard for people to articulate why it's racist and wrong and it engenders the responses you want.

ANA MARIE: And the really funny thing? I don't think anyone on the campaign actually put any thought into that strategy. It just sort of happened! Like casual racism everywhere.

MEGAN: I don't know, this is the team of political strategists that gave McCain a black baby 8 years ago. I don't think it's unintentional. Because, like you said, the Wright thing is more interesting and complex. And, God knows, McCain's got his own bad associates, so it's not like they're doing Ayers to avoid getting into Palin's religion either.

ANA MARIE: You're going to make me link to my article about how Steve Schmidt is not a "Rove protege" again, aren't you?

MEGAN: You can, but I wasn't necessarily talking about Steve Schmidt, either. The Bush 2000 team pre-dates Schmidt.

ANA MARIE: Interestingly, most of the Bush 2000 team is actually working for Palin.

MEGAN: Who is, naturally, the person out there hitting on Ayers the hardest.

ANA MARIE: Yes, that is suggestive. And not in a good way! (Unlike, say, the idea of Palin's "staff".)

MEGAN: It's just another wink and a nod from Bible Spice.

ANA MARIE: Can we use that metaphor from now on, instead of "dog whistle"? Which is insulting to dogs.

MEGAN: Yeah, it's really unfair to compare dogs to racists.

ANA MARIE: Someone last night caught me watching Top Model on the plane and (there is a connection here) I had to explain that after a long day of covering an increasingly ugly race, pretty much the only things that help me unwind are really bad reality television shows and pictures of adorable animals.

MEGAN: I watched Project Runway, but, in the end, I wish I'd just stuck to Rachel Maddow.

ANA MARIE: NO DO NOT TELL ME
SPOILER ALERT
::HANDS OVER EARS::
LALALALALALA

MEGAN: Ana, I hate to tell you, there is no Santa Claus.

ANA MARIE: I am bitter and cling to my belief in a gun-toting Easter Bunny.