• Picture it: the Jezebel nursing home, the year 2068. We'll turn on our headchips to watch the disembodied skull of Oprah host her show, and Jennifer Aniston, having been cryogenically frozen, will have been unfrozen just to make an appearance. Oprah will still ask Jen how she feels about Angelina Jolie and Jen will still think that what Angelina did was "very uncool." We may die, but this story will live on forever.
• We found out the hard way that putting garlic up your nono is a no no.
• Did we earn our yeast infections the same way Bikini Cory earned her nickname?
• Joan Didion: officially more depressing than the mere existence of Bikini Cory.
• Not depressing at all: this almost unbearably cute precocious French toddler. We just want to hear lil' Amelie say "crocodeeel" all day long.
• Maybe she should have a cute-off with Maru, the box loving kitty from Japan.

• Speaking of kitties! We said Hello, Blingee Kitty at the Sanrio Luxe opening.
• We searched at home and abroad for for broads in our booze cabinets.
• Obama may have been elected, but as long as fugly shoes clog up our stores, the national nightmare will continue.
• You guys, it's Friday. So indulge in some hot food porn and have a good weekend!

The store itself is rather lovely, what with the chandeliers and whatnot.


In fact, if Santa wants to bring me this chandelier — and an apartment to put it in — that would be great.


The more champagne I drank, the more I wanted to shoplift.


People! Cluster around the booze, why don't you!


Some of the jewelry is gorgeous. Pearls are so very now.


Also very now: Gloves. Someone working the party told me these are "big in Japan."


The bling mesmerized me with its sparkleosity, not that that's a word.


It's by Kimora, of course.


Hello Kitty Mary Janes! As the kids say: WANT.


Luggage, sneakers, everything "luxe," everything Kitty-covered.


This silver stuff was in the kids' section, but I found it very attractive. As in lust-worthy.


One of these bling-covered Pez dispensers was in my gift bag. Delightfully impractical!


Here's a shirt for Malia and Sasha Obama: Presidential pound puppy for the win!


The legendary Lady Bunny was the DJ of this event. She played Britney's "Womanizer," Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" and some Deee-Lite.


Hello Kitty arrived on the scene!


So did Heatherette's Richie Rich. There used to be Hello Kitty/Heatherette mashup stuff, maybe he'll so some again?


The Bunny and the Kitty had some kind of vogue-off.


I think Hello Kitty won.


Lisa Loeb showed up, and was frickin' adorable.


Seriously.


Tinsley Mortimer arrived. She is no bigger than a newborn fawn.


Are the Japanese into her or something?


She's totally starring in Bambi 2:Electric Boogaloo. Tinsley was there very briefly, and I decided: If she's leaving, then so am I. But first:


Goodbye Kitty!

• Only one more day of having to listen to designers opine about politics! Marc Jacobs' L.A. windows are "set up with the Republicans menacingly on one side (with a particularly freaky-looking W) and brightly dressed Obama voters/supporters on the other. There's also a gun-toting Palin with a letter posted next to her image, which reads as follows: Dearest Citizens, I believe in, 1) No choice for you gals. 2) Creationism for you kids. 3) No rights for you gays and lesbians. 4) Everyone should own a gun! You gotta believe in something, baby!" [Racked]
• Stella McCartney throws an Obama-themed tea. I guess eating his face is an endorsement. [WWD]
• Meanwhile, Henri Bendel stays neutral: "Today, the store will unveil its bipartisan windows featuring a group of five mannequins dressed in the latest cocktail dresses from Chloé & Reese and Greta Constantine. The girls are flanked by red and blue polling booths, each one representing a political party. Today, each mannequin can be seen with a large question mark above its head, but Wednesday morning, the question marks will be removed and the group will be placed in front of the winning voting booth. Several pounds of confetti will be thrown over the group in celebration of that party’s win." [WWD]

• Rihanna's the face of Gucci's new "Tattoo Heart" campaign, which features, um, tattoo hearts on clothes. Some of the proceeds benefit Unicef. [Perez Hilton]
• The secret of Yves Saint Laurent's success? "He liked women to be beautiful." [Reuters]
• Wanna see a young female moddle in Lagerfeld drag? No? Don't click on this link. [FashionWeekDaily]
• Mod pioneer Mary Quant gets her own stamp! It features a mod bird in a mini and zip-top. [ElleUK]
• Did you know Zac Posen was a classically trained singer? Apparently it's why he's so into opera — hence his Lincoln Center arts leadership award for his commitment to supporting arts education. [WWD]
• Consignment stores continue to clean up. [WSJ]
• Apparently the new Kate Moss tell-all is a great read, even if it boils down to the moddle demanding, "Why the f**k can't I have fun all the time?" [Daily Mail]
• Speaking of models with drug scandals in their (recent) pasts: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has a new gig as the face of dothegreenthing.com. [Fashionista]
• A moddle we can actually get behind? Alek Wek. "I'm working with my uncle in the Sudan embassy in London to open a secondary school on the Nile in Susan. It would be made up of 50 per cent boys and 50 per cent girls...My father always stressed education. I didn't understand it when I was young but I understand now." [VogueUK]
• Christian Siriano, modest as always: "Also, designing Heidi’s gown for the Emmys was amazing, especially when I went to the afterparty and met Debra Messing. Debra told me, “Oh my God, I love your clothes, you’re a genius!” You never know who’s going to be a fan of your work." [Cosmopolitan]
• The city grounds to a halt as we all get our vote on; the Nylon girls are "Gone Voting!" [Nylon]
• Retail extravaganza Lucky Shops looks undimmed by the economy! Encouraging, or depressing? [FashionWeekDaily]

If you feel like you must do white, try this fuzzy gown. Pretty sure that's fur. Subtle!

How about pretty in pink? Or is this too sweet sixteen for your tastes? It is giving me a toothache, actually.

This blue number is a little pirate wench. "Avast me hearties, tis I, Mariah. Touch me body."

Ooh, this is like when Scarlett O'Hara showed up to Ashley's birthday party in a red dress because she was such a hussy. Maybe not the most appropriate dress to get married in.

Hmm, unless your wedding is simultaneously a quinceañera — and who am I to judge? — this does not seem right.

Aww, but look: A Hello Kitty bouqet. Toss it and watch the bridesmaids scatter!

More Hello Kitty Wedding Dresses [Wedding Bells Blog]

[Image via Oh! My God! I Miss You]

I was given the Hello Kitty "massager" as a gift when it was still sold in the U.S., and lemme just put it this way: It's not the kind of gift that keeps on giving. In fact, as a vibrator, it sucked. [Agreed. -Ed.]

Yeah, it's cute, and definitely a collector's item for Hello Kitty enthusiasts (are you listening, Mariah?), but those counting on using the kitty on their pussies will be sorely disappointed. And I do mean sore. Those hard plastic ears? If you're not careful, they'll bruise you all up down there. Also, the actual vibration is crappy. I'd have more success with the vibrate feature on my cell phone.

Is Hello Kitty Turning Feral? [NY Times]