• The Tiger Woods case may be closed, but a Los-Angeles based cocktail waitress, Jaimee Grubbs, is telling Us Weekly that she had a 31-month fling with Tiger. And:

Another woman from a nightclub in Las Vegas is expected to be named any minute now. Can of worms, you guys. Can of worms. [MSNBC Scoop]

• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Us Weekly has voicemails from Tiger Woods in which he says: "Hey, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye." You can listen at the link. [Us Weekly]
• Jaimee Grubbs, the alleged recipient of the voicemail, allegedly bragged about her relationship with Tiger at work and played the voicemail for coworkers. Allegedly. [TMZ]
• Jaimee Grubbs also says she has photos and hundreds of "racy" text messages from Tiger Woods. [NY Daily News]
• More on Tiger's sexting here. One message reads: "I will wear you out... when was the last time you got [bleeped]?" [Radar Online]
• This report claims that Tiger Woods booked and paid for Rachel Uchitel's trip to meet him in Australia in November. [Radar Online]
• Lindsay Lohan was out Monday night, hanging with John Mayer and Samantha Ronson, and was "totally sober and well-behaved." No, really. [Page Six]
• According to this column, John Mayer was "playing relationship counselor" to Sam and Lindsay — getting Sam to talk to Lindsay, whom she initially ignored. The two ended up spending much of the night talking and laughing! John Mayer is magic! [Gatecrasher]
• Caaaaaaashmere sweaters! Oprah's "Favorite Things" episode may be back next year! [CNN]
• Like Taylor swift, Bon Jovi and Gwen Stefani, Jay-Z is suing an establishment for playing his music without paying. [TMZ]
• What's this? Justin Timberlake's new hair looks like his old hair? You don't say. [Gatecrasher]
• Adam Lambert is hoping one of his songs will be in the Twilight movie Eclipse: "It's kind of about vampires," he explains. "It's a great song. It's very theatrical ... very campy." SHOCKING. [Gatecrasher via MTV]
• Tragic times we live in: Britney Spears, Rihanna, David Beckham, Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were all seen at LAX Monday — and they all few commercial. [Gatecrasher via X17]
• George Clooney's frequent flier tip: Wear slip-on shoes. "The shoes you have to tie, they take forever." But: "I never wear those goofy masks on my eyes. I am too worried about the guy in the next seat taking a picture of me. That is one photo that you can't live down." [People]
• Kim Kardashian has finally reached her "goal" in terms of her body, and you can see what that looks like in a pic at the link. [NY Daily News]
• Another amazing Twitter pic: Tyra and her real hair! [NY Daily News]
• The Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie promises to be "epic" and those involved are looking to "recreate that Gladiator magic." Production is "massive," claims Ridley Scott. Russell Crowe says: "I don't think there is a satisfying Robin Hood and that's one of the key reasons for wanting to make another one." Expect to see Robin with cropped hair and a beard, much like Maximus. [News.com.au]
• Clint Eastwood, who directed the Nelson Mandela film Invictus, says he finds Mandela "Christ-like." "There are just no people like this on the planet." [Showbiz 411]
• Stevie Wonder has been named a United Nations Messenger of Peace, which is a brilliant idea. [UPI]
• Rah rah ah ah ah: Barry Manilow hearts Lady Gaga. "I really think she's got something going for her," he says. [Reuters]
• Barry should know that a teen panel has declared that Lady Gaga and Jamie Foxx songs are the musical equivalent of junk food with "unhealthy relationship ingredients." But: "We aren't telling people what they should or should not be listening to," Barbara Ferrer, of the Boston Public Health Commission, said in a statement. "We are giving them a tool that will help them make an informed choice about what they put in their bodies." Fourteen teens attended a seven-week commission-sponsored institute on healthy relationship promotion and teen dating violence prevention, where they were taught to evaluate music based on themes of power, control, equality and gender roles. [USA Today]
• Sting was asked: "Do you feel uncomfortable travelling between various homes in various continents at enormous carbon cost?" by Newsnight's Jeremy Paxman, who added: You're not being blamed for the global crisis, you're just being called a hypocrite." Sting "squirmed in his seat." [Guardian]
• OMG OMG OMG: Joan Collins is hoping to take her makeover TV show Joan Does Glamour to the US! Hairspray, diamonds and shoulder pads for everyone! [Mirror]
• "Customers who buy a diamond at Ivanka Trump's Bridal Bar, where rings start at $15,000, will get a three-course dinner with champagne and a night in a Trump hotel in Manhattan." Get engaged — get a room. [Ny Daily News]
• Corey Feldman's going through a divorce and wants joint custody of his son and doesn't want to give his wife spousal support. [TMZ]
• Little Richard is out of the hospital after hip surgery and wants to work hard at recovery so he can "get back on the road as soon as possible." Let's hope he's feeling Tutti Frutti ASAP. [AP]
• Norah Jones has won her battle to transform the windowless side wall of her Amity Street mansion in Brooklyn's Cobble Hill by punching out 10 windows. [Brooklyn Paper]
• "Oscar-nominated actor James Woods has settled a lawsuit against a hospital in Rhode Island where his younger brother Michael died in 2006." [Mirror]
• Whatshername and Whatshisname reunited… To watch their son's nativity play. [The Sun]
• "I did show my line at Bryant Park, which is not in this season, but I knew that I had to really prove myself as a designer more than anybody else out there. There are so many celebrity lines and there are so many reality show lines, actually, that haven't really done well and haven't shown much design sense. So I had to prove myself even more, that I really did take this seriously. I think no one ever expected me to put so much heart and soul into it. I guess the verdict is still out regarding what they think of my talent." — Whitney Port. Lots more at the link. [LA Times]
• "We as a family are under a lot pressure. [People want] to make us look bad and wants us to fail. [With the Melrose Place firing, the world], again, always want to make it look like we're failures but we're really just a family that works hard. My children look at ups and downs and rise up above it all and remain strong...We're just normal people, and we always try to be who we say we are." — Joe Simpson on his daughters Ashlee and Jessica. [Us Magazine]
• "They are all different. I have died with my eyes open, which is more interesting than dying with your eyes shut. I can't remember how I died as Tolstoy, but I have done Cyrano de Bergerac on stage and I died with my eyes opened. I think that's marvelous, because in the theater the lights hold to your open eyes and it's kind of marvelously frightening for a second." — Christopher Plummer, who plays Tolstoy in his latest film The Last Station. [LA Times]
• "I think we should say something about class in America. It's the dirty little secret nobody wants to talk about… What about the people at the top who are evil and corrupt and don't want to change and don't want to give up the positions of power that they inhabit to make other people suffer and to make actual real horror in the world? They don't want to change. What do we do about them?" — Roseanne Barr tries to be the voice of the disappearing American middle class on her radio show, "The Tipping Point." [LA Times]
• "I think she's probably quite nervous... She's smart but make no mistakes, this will be a very different kind of show than what you're used to. Obviously everyone wants to sit next to me. I am thinking about pulling names out of a hat." — Simon Cowell on Ellen DeGeneres joining the judging panel on American Idol. [Mirror]
• "You can still contribute even if you are not as fortunate as I am. I've been blessed and I've been over-rewarded for what I do and I'm trying to give my time and my resources but you know, I'm a rich rock star, so shoot me." — Bono, urging people to buy products from the (RED) brand, which funds aid projects in Africa. [Telegraph]
• "A lot's changed since I was on TV. We have a black president now. Actually, Obama called me and asked me to help him with his campaign. He said he had two rules for me — don't use the 'N' word, and stay off TV. Figures the first black president would run on a platform of only taxing the rich, and now I'm rich!" — Dave Chappelle, in a surprise visit to Caroline's comedy club. [Page Six]
• "OK, so I didn't really go to high school parties. I didn't touch pot 'til I was in my 20s. I didn't get flat-out drunk until I went to college [Harvard]. But I think that's a good thing in many ways." — Natalie Portman. [Page Six via Marie Claire]
• "Not only is my performance raw in this film, but through most of the film I am naked from the waist down. So not only am I raw, I'm chafed." — George Clooney, joking about Up In The Air. [People]

• Residents of Oyster Bay, Long Island, NY are mesmerized by the dreamy and mystical presence of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, who have been getting cozy in their town.

The heavenly hotties have been doing glam stuff like going to Dunkin' Donuts and Stop & Shop. Oyster Bay Town Supervisor John Venditto says: "When you talk to someone who has met them they're kind of glowing. People love saying they saw them. They feel something very special happened to them." A grocery store manager gushes: "They were so beautiful. They looked like they were airbrushed when they were walking. I went up to Brad and asked if he needed help and he said, 'No thanks.' I was looking at him but I don't really remember it — it was like a dream." [People]

• Did Beyoncé send a look-alike for a personal tour of a museum in Vienna while the singer herself went shopping?!?!?? [AFP]
• Because she hasn't been exposed enough, Heidi Montag will pose for Playboy. Except she won't show nips or vag; she'll be tastefully covered. The mag's new editor was previously at Maxim so this makes sense somehow. No, wait. None of it makes sense. The world has gone mad. [Perez]
• Madonna is holding private Kabbalah prayer sessions at her home in which the focus is on being able to adopt Mercy. Apparently 12-year-old Lourdes prays with her mom for a new sister every day. [Daily Express]
• Chris Brown, who is facing two felony charges for beating Rihanna, has reportedly worked out a plea deal with the court. He'll be back in front of the judge today, so more later, probably. [Radar Online]
• By the way, the jewelry Rihanna was wearing the night of the assault — $1.4 million dollars worth — was borrowed, and the jeweler is asking for her to hand it over. But the baubles are evidence now; Rihanna's lawyer is hoping the judge will release the jewels today. [TMZ]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Us is reporting that Jon from Jon & Kate Plus 8 was leaving a club at 2 am with a "mystery woman" and wasn't wearing his wedding band. They've got pictures! [Us]
• Amy Winehouse plans on living in St. Lucia. Like, settling down there. The weed must be awesome. Also, we can haz guest haus? [The Sun]
• Oh, good news: Sam Lutfi has been ordered to stay away from Britney Spears for three years. [Reuters]
• In case you haven't already seen it, here's a video of Julia Roberts and her filthy mouth. She really likes the word "fuck." [Pop Eater]
• Dita von Teese has a new man; he's a French aristocrat 11 years her junior. Count Louis-Marie de Castelbajac, 25, is the actor-son of fashion designer Jean-Charles de Castelbajac and his ex-wife Catherine de Castelbajac. Get it, girl! [Page Six]
• Sam Ronson DJ'd a stripper party but the ladies had to keep their clothes on until she was done, or else she couldn't concentrate. [Page Six]
• Ginger alert! Prince Harry will take his first official royal trip to the United States next month. He'll hit a charity polo match in New York and a few parties. He's single and looking to mingle! [Daily Mail]
• Oprah is bored with Twitter already. Look, if you're not one of Miss O's favorite things, you are a failure. Sorry, Twitter. [Silicon Valley Insider]
• Mel Gibson and girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, the singer signed to his record label, went to the screening of Wolverine last night. His rep says: "Mel has been single for almost three years and it's nice to see him getting out and enjoying himself." Uh, what? His wife filed for divorce two weeks ago. [People]
• Start hyperventilating: Christian Bale has signed on for a third Batman flick. Hey, can we get a kick-ass leading lady this time or what? [Wired]
• Kate Winslet says she's not middle class. She is working class. "People don't believe that. People literally think I'm lying. Because I speak nice. My dad was very much a struggling actor and spent more of his life as a postman, as a member of a tarmac firm, as a van driver. He'd sell Christmas trees. Anything. That was my dad. […] Honestly, it was hand-me-down shoes and 10p pocket money on a Saturday that didn't go up until I was 11." [Telegraph via Marie Claire]
• LOL: Catherine Zeta-Jones wants to play Susan Boyle in a film of the singer's life. [Telegraph]
• Would a Susan Boyle book sell? One publishing dude says: "She has a story, but it's a short story." [Page Six]
• Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford might be tired of living together. Cue the offers in the comments to give Chuck Bass somewhere to sleep. [Page Six]
• Speaking of Ed Westwick, aka Chuck Bass, he has a tattoo which says "I ♥ Romance" and one that says "Heartbreak Hotel." [Gatecrasher via Interview]
• Moby hurt his ankle walking into the ring of a kickboxing session. [Page Six]
• Will Benicio Del Toro, who is in my top 3, play Bret Easton Ellis on film? [Cinematical]
• Kylie Minogue hearts golf and spent £40,000 on gear. [The Sun]
• "Rubina Ali's house is flooded with sewer water, and her feet itch. She's discovered a world of creepy-crawlies in the opaque gray water: scorpions, rats and slithery creatures with lots of legs. Two months ago, the child star of the hit movie Slumdog Millionaire was worrying about what to wear to the Oscars. Now she has come home to a very different problem: How to get the fetid water out of her family's one-room shack." [Times Of India]
• Lil Wayne's track, "I Feel Like Dying," contains a copyright infringing sample from Karma-Ann Swanepoel's song, "Once," so Lil Wayne is suing the producer who created the track. [USA Today]
• An Iggy Pop insurance ad has been banned because rock stars would actually not be eligible for coverage with this particular type of insurance. [Telegraph]
• "A stalker who threatened to kill Little Britain's David Walliams was allowed to 'marry' the star in a mock ceremony in her mental ward." [The Sun]
• Perfect timing: Michael Douglas and Oliver Stone are going to make a sequel to Wall Street. Get your tissues ready, this one is gonna be sad, we think: Fox spokesperson Gregg Brilliant says of the new Gordon Gekko flick: "We need to keep the story line under wraps, but it's literally ripped from today's headlines. It's going to be very big and very cool." Madoff-style losses? Sniff. No, not the yacht! [AP]
• Farrah Fawcett's condition: Unchanged. [Breitbart]
• An ambulance driver and a former senator have pleaded not guilty to charges that they tried to extort millions from John Travolta after his son died. [USA Today]
• Poor Ed McMahon. It's always something. Now he is suing Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in L.A. for allegedly misdiagnosing a broken neck. [TMZ]
• Blind item! "Which A-list actor's wife belongs to a secret lesbians-only club in L.A.? To keep things discreet, the club staggers arrivals so its members aren't photographed together." [Gatecrasher]
• "Writers have always been interested in my parents and in my teenage years, which I find so weird, especially now that I'm in my late thirties. That's always made me feel infantilized, like they are talking to me as if I were still 10 years old. I'm made to feel as if I were Annie in the musical." — Rachel Weisz. [BlackBook]
• "[Carrie Prejean's] 'opposite sex' marriage thing made me laugh. I've never heard it expressed that way. She said, 'In America, you have the choice between same sex marriage and opposite sex marriage,' like it was a flavor at Baskin-Robbins. You can have rocky road or mint chocolate chip." — Rosie O'Donnell. [Gatecrasher]
• "I don't think I wanna go back anymore. Seriously, I watched some old tapes recently — Harry [Hamlin, her husband] and I were going through stuff. It doesn't feel right! It feels weird. I've changed my mind. You can't go back!" — Lisa Rinna, who, after vigorously campaigning to get on the new Melrose Place, has changed her mind. [Hollywood Insider]
• "Paula's frustrating, she's annoying and I can't understand half of what she's talking about - but there's incredible comfort between us. I think we're possibly secretly in love with each other." — Simon Cowell. [Mirror]
• "One of the best things about being married is having separate bathrooms. There's nothing worse than saying 'I've got to go, I've got to go,' when it's already occupied!" — Joan Collins. [Daily Express]
• "I was bullied for being chubby. Where are they now!" — Kate Winslet, who says they called her Blubber and locked her in the art cupboard when she was in school. [Daily Mail via Marie Claire]
• "I ran into Mia in Chad this January. She'd been living in the camps and villages on the border of Darfur for weeks. She is as dedicated to this cause as any activist I know. It's these kind of efforts that help keep this tragedy in the spotlight." — George Clooney, who applauds Mia Farrow's hunger strike to call attention to Darfur and Sudan. [Daily Express]
• "I am totally confident that I am an incredible artist and performer. I am extremely confident about my body, the way I dress, the way I want to look. But I have no confidence when it comes to men. Men are a disaster area for me. It's so weird because I believe I am super sexy. I believe I am incredible, but I have absolutely no luck with boyfriends." — Lady GaGa. [The Sun]

• Since everyone apparently loves a catfight, this report claims that Lindsay Lohan calls Sam Ronson's "team" "jealous people with bad fucking energy." [E!]

• "Lindsay's Grandmother Is Heartbroken." Um, headdesk. Michael Lohan's mom says she hasn't seen LL in over a year and "I think she needs her family in her life." Really, we're interviewing grandmas now? Really? [People]
• This report claims that Lindsay is "bereft" over her split with Sam and "the saddest girl in the world." Adding to the drama is the fact that LL is not working or booking any jobs. [Page Six]
• Madonna has been making "tearful" phone calls to Guy Ritchie ever since her adoption attempt was turned down, and Guy has been consoling her. This paper feels the need to add, "Madge being civil is a shock. Almost as shocking as her dressing her age for a night out…" [The Sun]
• Is Halle Berry's Bazaar cover a Photoshop Of Horrors? [NY Daily News]
• Halle says: "I'm usually watching The Biggest Loser, eating Doritos." And she shops online. But her gorge boyfriend keeps things interesting: "I have a 33-year-old man," she says. "That'll keep your mojo mojo-in." [Ny Daily News]
• Have lunch with Jon Hamm. No, really! [Breitbart]
• Boo: There is no Kate Moss cook book. Her spokesperson says, "We do not know where it came from but it is definitely false." [Daily Express]
• Some audience members were smoking pot at Britney's concert and she told them to cut it out because if lighting or crew members high above the stage got sick or dizzy it would be bad news bears. [Perez]
• Nadya Suleman is in talks to do a reality show, though she denies it and so do Lifetime, TLC and Oxygen. Please don't let it be on Fox, home of The Littlest Groom and Man vs. Beast. [TMZ]
• Would you like to know the plot of Sex And The City 2: Electric Boogaloo? Highlight this hidden text:
  Big cheats on Carrie, DUH. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Mischa Barton would like for you to know that she is happy with her body now. "The only way to be happy and be a more enjoyable person to be around is to embrace what you've got. Everyone has issues about their body, but I feel confident now. I'm healthy and happy." Which sucks more: That tabloids used to pick on her cellulite, or that she felt the need to make this statement and pose naked for Cosmo UK? Also, does she work? [The Sun]
• Spike Jonze was seen eating eggs with 3-year-old Matilda Ledger; Michelle Williams came and picked them up when they were done. [Page Six]
• Squee! Even though they are divorced, Pink and Carey Hart are still trying to make it work! Carey says: "We're working shit out, I admit it." I don't know why I love them together but I do. Sniff. [The Sun]
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are dunzo; apparently he wanted to get married but she wasn't ready. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Michael Phelps was seen doing shots and making out with his gf at a NYC club. [Gatecrasher]
• This video of Hugh Laurie and the cast of House experiencing a pretty awesome April Fool's prank — in which Laurie actually smiles, briefly — may warm the cockles of your cold and tiny heart. Yes, the cockles. [Videogum]
• More women have contacted the LAPD with rape charges against the So You Think You Can Dance choreographer Alex Da Silva. The case is still under investigation. [Breitbart]
• Seriously, did Bruce Springsteen break up some dude's marriage by sexing his wife? [MSNBC]
• The People cover story this week is about how John Travolta and Kelly Preston are "living with grief" since the death of Jett Travolta. A "pal" says "They aren't secluding themselves or paralyzed. [Seeing them] was like old times. Nothing awkward and no topics to dance around. There were smiles." [People]
• This article is called "The Day John Lennon Proposed To Me (Pity I Thought He Was Joking!)" [Daily Mail]
• Toga, anyone? Liam Neeson will play Zeus and Ralph Fiennes will play Hades in the remake of Clash Of The Titans. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Brittany Murphy has been cast in The Expendables, an action flick with Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke and Jet Li. Brittany will play Mickey Rourke's girlfriend, and there is nothing creepy about that at all. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Brothers Kieran Culkin and Rory Culkin play brothers in a new movie, Lymelife. [NY Post]
• In a wise move, the Pet Shop Boys have rejected a request from PETA that they rename themselves the Rescue Shelter Boys. [BBC News]
• Blind item! "Which seemingly straight married actor conducts his man-to-man hanky-panky in the hangar of the Santa Monica Airport?" [Gatecrasher]
• "It's always exciting to work with new people, kind of get new experiences, to see how other people do it. I think that makes you a better moviemaker, ultimately, to work with as many different people as you can. There's definitely a comfort level I have with Judd [Apatow] — kind of a shorthand, if you will — but I enjoy working with other people still. I'm sure he gets sick of me, too." — Seth Rogen. [Reuters]
• "I have now reluctantly decided that I cannot, in good conscience, continue to be the public face of a charity that is changing beyond recognition from the one with which I have been so proud to be associated." — JK Rowling, stepping down from her role with the MS Society Scotland, which has internal issues. [Telegraph]
• "Because I write them, I already have a tone in my head. I occasionally make the males scream and suffer about their deaths, because I assume that nobody wants to die. Even in mating." — Isabella Rosselini on filming the bee segment of her Green Porno series. [Time]
• "I lived briefly in New York — Garden City — when I was in kindergarten. But I started my performing [in the city] at the Bitter End. That would be 1970. I stayed in Shel Silverstein's apartment, but I couldn't tell you where it was. Memory is not my strong suit. I can't even remember what I had for lunch." (Did you have some problems with drinking and drugs?) "I never thought of them as a problem, so much as a solution. I probably never would have been able to get up onstage. Now, I mainly drink red wine." — Kris Kristofferson. [NY Post]
• "It was a stupid joke because it rhymes. In the hands of a responsible journalist, humor and sarcasm will be translated appropriately. It was not meant as disrespectful in any way. In England, we have great rhyming slang, and everyone spends their day rhyming. But for all the trouble that comment caused, there were many people who were supportive." — Sienna Miller, after calling Pittsburgh "Shitsburgh." [NY Daily News]

• In case you hadn't noticed, a new Lindsay Lohan feeding frenzy has begun.

Does the woman have problems? Probably. Sure. This headline, however — "Lindsay Meltdown! Chugging Vodka After Breakup With Sam" — is just sensationalist. She was seen drinking, and crying, but her mom was there, sipping wine. So. [RadarOnline]

• More on this in Midweek Madness but: On this week's Us: Lindsay Lohan. Suicidal. [Perez]
• And Lindsay says she's in "absolute hell." [Us Magazine]
• Samantha Ronson is not, repeat not seeking a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan, and she and LL "are totally communicating." [People]
• Madonna has donated about half a million bucks to Italian earthquake victims; her grandparents lived in Pacentro, Italy, until 1919. [People]
• Howard K. Stern's lawyer says Stern is innocent and "no one enabled" Anna Nicole Smith when it came to drugs. Yeah, sure. [CNN]
• Rihanna is leaving Barbados after partying with her grandparents; she looks super happy in this pic snapped at the airport. [TMZ]
• Cops continue to investigate the shooting at Gisele's wedding; can't you just imagine bodyguards shrugging and feigning innocence while their guns are concealed under their jackets? [Mirror]
• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps — soon to be divorced — was seen singing karaoke while having a girls' night out, just like classy royals are wont to do. [Page Six]
• I'm not loving Rachel McAdams' hair on the cover of the new Marie Claire but what are you gonna do. She is a cutie, though. [ONTD]
• So Rachel McAdams took part in Marie Claire's book club, and read Prodigal Summer. She says: "I absolutely fell in love with this book. I don't think I got out of bed for three days-I was just eating it up. My favorite story line was the one between Deanna and Eddie Bondo. I found that totally hot. It was one of the hottest love stories I've ever read." [ONTD]
• You know how Paris Hilton has been saying Doug Reinhardt was "going to be" her husband? Apparently she is thinking about a summer wedding, maybe August in the Bahamas. Five bucks says no. [Mirror]
• Taylor Swift looks gaudy and scheming on the new eye-searing cover of Seventeen. [Perez]
• Jessica Simpson is "ignoring" Eminem's video, which is probably best. Also, she has not been dropped from her country label; she was "on loan" and continues to be on Epic records or whatever. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Zac Efron stars in an epic Funny Or Die video that's supposed to go up later today. Also in the clip: Brody Jenner, Joel Madden, Queen Latifah, Justin Long, Nicole Richie, Vanessa Hudgens, Carmen Electra, Brittany Snow and Lance Bass. [EW]
• Amy Poehler and a dead squirrel are on the cover of TV Guide. Amy dishes on the secret of her success: "In 1992, I met an old gypsy woman on the side of the road and she gave me a magic bean. I ate it and that was it. The hard part was I had to chop off her head after she gave it to me. But now look at me. I'm famous." [Just Jared]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, is talking about how she financed her in vitro: She inherited $30,000 from an aunt and worked overtime at her job in addition to the disability payments she received. [MSNBC]
• There' some kind of feud going on between Holly Madison and a Las Vegas TV reporter, but honestly? Yawn. [Perez]
• Meanwhile, Kendra Wilkinson has been hanging out at the shooting range. [People]
• Peaches Geldof went clubbing and someone poured a beer on her head and this is newsworthy. [The Sun]
• Lenny Kravitz got fan mail… from French Prez Nicolas Sarkozy! [Reuters]
• Helena Bonham Carter will be in Terminator: Salvation; apparently stills released this week show her with half her face shaved off and her brain visible. Bring it! [Independent]
• Can you picture Al Pacino playing Napoleon? It's gonna happen! For a screen adaptation of a children's book called Betsy And The Emperor. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rob Lowe won his lawsuit against his former nanny, by the by. She violated the confidentiality agreement she signed by telling everyone Lowe's business. [TMZ]
• Gorgeous and talented Sanaa Lathan will host Lens On Talent, a BET show for undiscovered filmmakers. [USA Today]
• Liam Neeson went to the 70th birthday party of Sir David Frost, on of Neeson's first appearances since the death of his wife, Natasha Richardson. [Telegraph]
• Tim Roth will play a "gnarled tramp" in Skellig, a family film to be shown on TV Easter weekend in the UK. [Telegraph]
• One of the choreographers from So You Think You Can Dance, who was arrested last week for alleged sexual assaults, is expected to be released without any charges pressed by prosecutors. Yeah. [TMZ]
• Jamie Waylett, 19, also known as Vincent Crabbe in the Harry Potter movies, was busted for having a cannabis farm at his mum's house. Maybe he needed it for his Defence Against the Dark Arts class? Herbivus inhalus! [Daily Mail]
• What the world needs now: A Seinfeld porn parody. [The Sun]
• For the love of Zeus why are they remaking Romancing The Stone?!?!?! [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which seemingly down-to-earth starlet is actually a wicked diva? When she wasn't featured as prominently as her other cast members in a recent photo shoot, she left the set in a huff." [Gatecrasher]
• Strictly Come Dancing is an obsession for my entire family. I don't watch much TV but I like that show. You will see me on Strictly or the US version Dancing With The Stars." — Emily Blunt. [Daily Express]
• "We were both looking for our walks, having this great time competing and yet helping each other. I tried all these walks, like that Monty Python sketch, the silly walks. I went to bars in Texas, trying to pass as Texan, trying to get something real. He got his walk, I found mine. And then I came into the make-up room and he shows up with these horrible false teeth that he'd gotten from his dentist. I was so jealous. I mean, I had a walk, he had the limp. But he had the teeth, too." — Jon Voight, on working on classic film Midnight Cowboy with Dustin Hoffman. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I loved the way [the author, Barbara Kingsolver] linked the interconnectedness of nature with the interconnectedness of human relationships. When she writes in the beginning that "solitude is only a human presumption," I thought that was so true. I mean, we all think we're the center of the universe, but we don't exist alone. It's that ripple idea that you cannot touch one thing without affecting another." — Rachel McAdams on Prodigal Summer. [ONTD]
• "I'll be a soccer mom. Like Posh Spice. I'll be there in my heels cheering on my kids. 'Go, team, go!' But I'll have no idea what's going on." — Miley Cyrus, on where she'll be in 10 years. [USA Today]
• "It's a serious crime and there's no doubt it's very disappointing — I was heartbroken by it. Obviously people are seeing an unfinished film. It's like a Ferrari without a paint job." — Hugh Jackman on the Wolverine leak, about which he is "heartbroken." [Reuters]

• Being on vacation with Amy Winehouse must be relentlessly entertaining:

She was apparently told she couldn't sunbathe au naturale, so she whipped off her bikini top and streaked through the resort in St. Lucia, waving her arms in the air. She told you she was trouble! [Daily Mail]

• The family of Mercy James, the Malawian child Madonna would like to adopt, are on Madonna's side. Mercy's uncle says the guy who claims to be Mercy's biological dad "didn't care about his girlfriend, Mercy's mother, when she needed him most. He didn't even come to see his baby." [The Sun]
• Madonna was overheard telling people: I can't believe I'm leaving my beautiful baby behind. It's not right. I love that baby girl. She's my little girl - she needs to be with me." A judge disagrees, your Madgesty! [MSNBC]
• Chris Brown was in court yesterday, and he pleaded not guilty to two felony counts. His next court date is a preliminary hearing on April 29. [Rolling Stone]
• Some are "surprised" that Chris Brown pleaded not guilty? Really? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Rihanna was not in court, but her lawyer was, and he said her feelings about the case are that she would be happy if "it were over quickly." [TMZ]
• The latest on Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, according to LL: "We are taking a brief break so I can focus on myself." But, uh, she banned you from her party and changed the locks, right? [E!]
• Sam Ronson's family is hoping that Sam will not get back together with Lindsay. Ouch! [People]
• Courtney Love is about to sue a whole mess of people: She finally realized that whomever had been handling Kurt Cobain's estate lost millions of dollars. It's not her fault she didn't look into this sooner, she was high, okay? [Page Six]
• Cops in Costa Rica are investigating the security team hired by Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen since they, you know, open fired on photographers, which doesn't seem very legal. [NY Post]
• Gisele wore Galliano, by the by. [People]
• Howard K. Stern will not cut a deal with the D.A. in the Anna Nicole Smith drug case and is expected to plead not guilty. He'll be in court today. [TMZ]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Britney Spears might take her Circus tour to Australia. [E!]
• Of the items being moved out of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's London home, the mattress is not surprising; the dinosaur, the large horse and surfboard are. Gwynnie's moving to NYC; Chris is going on tour. [Daily Mail]
• Speaking of Chris Martin, Coldplay is denying that it copied Joe Satriani's music for "Viva La Vida." [Breitbart]
• Oh dear: Scarlett Johansson has reportedly been working out with Gwyneth's trainer, Tracy Anderson. She's already lost 14 pounds and now she's off carbs. Is she prepping for Iron Man 2 or just joining the brigade of stick thin stars? [The Sun]
• Did a reporter set up a fake charity and trick Heather Mills into dishing dirt on Paul McCartney? [ABC News]
• Zac Efron's mom stuffed hi stocking with condoms last Christmas and his dad gave him some speech about protection at some point so maybe the point is you won't see Zac as a young baby daddy any day soon. [E!]
• The woman who was saved from committing suicide by Demi Moore and "the Twitter community" says "I'm eternally grateful to her for helping me." [RadarOnline]
• Why aren't people donating to Prince Harry's African charity? Donations have dropped a whopping 84%. [Telegraph]
• Jennifer Garner will star in Butter, a flick that's a political satire set in the small-town world of competitive butter-sculpting. Yeah. Butter. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Ru-roh: Pamela Anderson's boyfriend was in a kite-surfing accident in Hawaii. Luckily, he escaped serious injury and didn't need C.J. to run into the water with a red floaty thing. [Daily Express]
• Kylie Minogue took her new man to meet her parents and they found him to be "charming and witty." Good sign. [Daily Express]
• Buddhist and friend of the Dalai Lama Richard Gere attended a "Mind and Life" conference in Dharamsala, India on Monday. [Hindustan Times]
• Dennis Rodman was thrown out of a West Hollywood hotel after "slapping and groping" female guests. He needs to learn how to ask nicely when he wants to borrow a dress. [TMZ]
• The Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation received a gift from the estate of the late Luther Vandross; the amount of the gift was not disclosed. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which Grammy-winning rapper can't get enough weed? She orders from a NYC delivery service non-stop, then tries to sweet-talk the courier into giving her free bags of ganja." [Gatecrasher]
• "He's certainly not the buffoon he looks like. This is the most amazing thing I found out about him. I was once staying at a hotel, and I was in the room directly under his. He is an amazing fuck — and you can quote me on this. The screams coming from the woman were some of the purest sounds of pleasure I'd ever heard." — Rupert Everett on Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter. [Page Six via The Daily Beast]
• "Casey grew up in one of the richest families in New York, and she grew up without any responsibilities or any boundaries. And so, for her, it was very important to do something where there were laws and where your morals counted. I was very much into the idea of doing something I hadn't done before. This is a show about cops. Our show is very grounded in the sense of the crappy things that happen to you are funny. That's how you deal with them and get through life." — Amber Tamblyn, on her character in new show The Unusuals. [USA Today]
• "I don't know Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawke wanted to do some kind of superficial Rolling Stone article. And he did everything he could to make his story the greatest story ever in Rolling Stone. And it was a fictitious (expletive) lie. O.K? He didn't even call me by my name. ... He called Norah Jones, Ray Charles, everybody else by name. Willie (Nelson), Kris (Kristofferson). Why didn't he call my name? Why didn't he say Toby Keith walked through and said this (expletive)? Right? You know why. You know why. You know as good as anybody why. He didn't want to (expletive) deal with the aftermath." — Toby Keith. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "The pilot script showed up, and I stalked [producer Alan Ball] until he said yes. The morning I showed up for work after going blonde, everyone was very relieved." — Anna Paquin on playing Sookie Stackhouse in True Blood. [Vanity Fair]
• "We were on the set, and the two firefighters that work here, I overheard them talking about, 'Yeah, you know, if I'd known I could measure from the pubic bone… And they were talking about a cock-measuring contest.' And I go, 'That's going in the show.'" — Denis Leary on Rescue Me. [The Daily Beast]
• "I'm crying for two and a half hours straight. And then you leave the stage door and people are like, 'Can we take your picture?' And I'm thinking, 'I've never looked worse.' I need a lot of eye cream." — Lauren Ambrose, on her role in the play Exit The King. [WWD]
• "Combs have been on the scene ever since humans had hair on his head. which is quite sometime? The date perhaps goes beyond the time of the old stone age. Man being man and not a lion would
  not be content to let his mane run wild and free. So he had to find some ways to tame it. First on the list of combing operations must have been the use of fingers. So in a way the fingers are the first combs of history. Today, combs are universal and no corner of the globe is without it." — Your friend Kanye West. [Jossip]

• Gisele Bundchen married Tom Brady again, this time in Costa Rica. They first got hitched in the U.S. in February. These days you can't be a celebrity and not have two or three ceremonies. [Breitbart, Mirror]

• Oh! But! There was gunfire at Gisele's wedding: Bodyguards shot at paparazzi. No one was injured, but the back window on an SUV was shattered. Says one snapper: "I could have lost my life for the sale of some pictures that Gisele didn't want published. Are they insane?" [NY Post]
• Madonna reportedly "shrieked in horror" when she found out that a judge was denying her adoption of Mercy. [Pop Dirt]
• Madonna has left Malawi in her private jet and is headed for London. [Star Tribune]
• Madonna is said to be "in pieces." [Daily Mail]
• And now Madonna is back in the UK; Guy Ritchie met her at the airport. They didn't seem to speak to each other but he had a big hug for David. [Daily Mail]
• Rihanna is partying in Barbados — it's her grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. Her father says the singer is "back to herself." [Daily Mail]
• Meanwhile, Chris Brown is due in court today where he will do some "intense" plea dealing. [NY Daily News]
• Over the weekend, news broke that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a huge fight and that Sam changed the locks at her house. Ouch! [TMZ]
• Lindsay was specifically asked not to attend a Charlotte Ronson party but showed up anyway. [Socialite Life]
• Did Lindsay go on a Twitter tirade? This report says she wrote: "Being cheated on does wonders to you. I'm doing this publicly because u&ur friends call People [magazine]. So you win, you broke my heart. Now go away. I loved you." So wait, Sam cheated? Also, not so long ago, you couldn't get LL to admit she was IN a gay relationship; now she announces the details to the whole world??? [This Is London]
• Farrah Fawcett, who has been battling cancer for almost three years, is in a hospital in L.A. [Reuters, RadarOnline]
• Meanwhile, her son, Redmond O'Neal, was busted for drugs yesterday. In the parking lot of a prison. Not a joke. Also, Ryan O'Neal says Farrah just went in for a procedure and "is not at death's door." [NY Post, EW]
• This report says the end is near for Farrah Fawcett. [MSNBC Scoop]
• This paper claims that doctors fear the worst for Farrah. [NY Post]
• Scandalous: Jennifer Aniston was seen smiling and laughing and generally having fun. [Gatecrasher]
• Dear Beyoncé, the bangs and the heels are understandable, but the suspenders? [Daily Mail]
• Paris Hilton says of Doug Reinhardt: "We're best friends. It's not like we just met. We've known each other over the past year. I was in a relationship before and we reconnected. I'm really in love and really happy. He's going to be my husband." Does that sound like a threat? [E!]
• There's a sneak peak of season five of The Hills up, and apparently the big question is whether Heidi and Lauren will reconcile. But the even bigger question is: Does anyone still care? [E!]
• Speaking of The Hills, Lauren Conrad's new guy, Kyle Howard, wants to marry her, so he took her mom and dad out for lunch — and picked up the tab. [Star]
• Ryan Gosling has a band, and the band has a video, and it's here. [Pop Sugar]
• Oh, Christ: After enduring all kinds of shit for those bikini pictures, now this headline from the Daily Fail: "Has Jennifer Love Hewitt Lost Too Much Weight?" [Daily Mail]
• Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher are shooting a flick called Five Killers and it appears that they kiss. [Socialite Life]
• "How Poor Suri Cruise Has Become A Style Victim At Just Three Years Of Age." [Daily Mail]
• Behold: Victoria Beckham in enormous shoulder pads. [Daily Mail]
• Gossip Girl's Blake Lively and Penn Badgley have left the country to vacation in Thailand and you have not. [Just Jared]
• It's not that Serena Williams can't find a pair of bikini bottoms that fit, it's that her derriere is awesome and will not be held down! [Daily Mail]
• Anna Kournikova took part in a triathlon in Miami on Sunday. [Daily Mail]
• Ooh, Seal will sing the National Anthem at the Red Sox/Tampa Bay Rays game today! [The Star]
• You may find this hard to believe, but Gary Coleman regrets doing a movie titled Midgets vs. Mascots. He has a YouTube rant explaining his mortgage made him do it. [Page Six]
• Possible new couple: 50 Cent and Ciara. [Page Six]
• Bai Ling wants you to know that Bai Ling never had sex with Mickey Rourke. [Page Six]
• A square-faced Jack Black slays demons with his guitar in a new video game called Brutal Legend. Check out his heart-shaped soul patch! [Wired]
• Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are not only back on, but looking for a "love nest" in Santa Monica. Megan wants ocean views because "she loves the beach and spotting dolphins." [Star Magazine]
• The series finale of ER did okay, ratings-wise, but not as well as Cheers or Friends. [AdAge]
• Miley Cyrus' wardrobe in the Hannah Montana movie is "clean cut, wholesome and decidedly demure." Are times changing?!?! [LA Times]
• Between Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift and Julianne Hough, women ruled at the Academy of Country Music Awards. Do you have to be blonde and toothy, or is it just a coincidence? [Yahoo News ia AP]
• Christina Ricci will star in a "porn-tinged comedy" co-written by Adam Sandler. She'll play "an innocent girlfriend." [Hollywood Reporter]
• Jennifer Hudson's fans worry about her and can't stop talking about how they hope she doesn't cry while she is singing. [Washington Post]
• Jennifer Hudson says, "I'm fine, I'm happy." [USA Today]
• By now you must have heard: Demi Moore saved a suicidal woman's life via Twitter? [The Star]
• Brandon Michael Vayda, who plays Mike on 90210, pulled some guy out of a taxi and "beat the living crap out of him" outside of a nightclub. [TMZ]
• Alex DeSilva, a choreographer from So You Think You Can Dance, was arrested Saturday and charged with four counts of sexual assault. All of his victims were his students at the time. [E!]
• Fox's Roger Friedman wrote about the leaked flick Wolverine (which the FBI is investigating) in his column, saying, "It took really less than seconds to start playing it all right onto my computer." Now he's been fired. Whoops! [NY Times]
• Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr sang together for the first time in years at a benefit to introduce children to transcendental meditation. And yes, David Lynch runs the foundation in question. [Breitbart]
• Jeff Beck, Metallica, Run-DMC, Bobby Womack and Little Anthony and the Imperials were inducted into the hall of fame over the weekend. [NY Times]
• Fast & Furious sped away with a $72.5 million box office, which is huge. Huge. [Breitbart]
• Thousands lined the streets of London and Essex at the funeral of Jade Goody, which this paper calls "Princess Diana-style." [Daily Mail]'
• Jade Goody's family says they don't want her grave to be a shrine, "trampled by strangers." [The Sun]
• Blind item! "Which C-list Hollywood stud was so drunk and desperate that he showed up at the home of an L.A. gossip reporter and demanded a booty call? Guess what, folks? She accepted!" [Gatecrasher]
• "There's a time for celebration and I partake, sure. But you know, it's important not to let that become too big of a distraction. The more you have access to, the harder it is to remain focused. You know what, I do not want to fall victim to that, it's too easy and too often done. It's out of style anyway, I think too many people have done it before me, I'm not going to. It's uncool, yeah. I think the rebellious thing to do would to actually be successful." — Zac Efron on drinking and the Hollywood party scene. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I'm excited to not have everything scheduled in advance. I can just call up a friend and grab lunch. I can wear white when I want to — I could never do that on camera. I can go backless!" — Lauren Conrad, on her plans for her life after The Hills. [LA Times]
• "It's kind of like a self-aware observational comedy of the simplest thing in the world, which isn't so simple." — Bob Saget on his new show, Surviving Suburbia. [NY Daily News]
• "People will always say that I'm over-exposed and that's what I want, all this attention. That's not it. What I love is the art of it all." — Miley Cyrus. [NY Daily News]
• "Somebody said to me 'Well, you know what? You just got such a big mouth and you just know how to talk to people. Did you ever think about runnin' for president?' I said 'I think we've had enough boobs in the White House.'" — Dolly Parton. [CBS News]
• "Some of my best compliments are on a $15 Ross dress. Ross gets you a weird look, but I've rocked two or three good pieces from there over the years." — Rosario Dawson. [New York Mag]
• "Well, I certainly got hit on a lot. And a lotta men thought I was as silly as I looked, I guess. You know, I look like a woman but I think like a man. And in this world of business, that has helped me a lot. Because by the time they think that I don't know what's goin' on, I then got the money, and gone." — Dolly Parton. [CBS News]

[Los Angeles, March 19. Image via WENN.]

• Interesting: Chris Brown and Rihanna are "taking a break." They're not calling it a breakup, though.

Unfortunately, this report has sources close to Brown saying things like, "He's just putting ideas down for some songs he wrote," and "He needs to feel like he's moving forward." We're definitely interested in what he thinks he needs. [E!]

• Rihanna was spotted "flying solo" in New York over the weekend. [Page Six]
• Vanessa Redgrave was seen visiting the hospital where Natasha Richardson is reportedly on life support. [TMZ]
• Friends of Natasha Richardson are in mourning; Ted Casablanca says they have all been informed that she is "brain dead." [E!]
• A Natasha Richardson family friend says: "There is no chance. It is a fact that her heart is beating but she is brain dead." [People]
• Two of Nadya Suleman's octuplets have gone home. Six more to go! [The Insider]
• Apparently the police in Chicago are not amused that Lady Gaga does not wear pants; they stopped the singer, who says, "It was really funny because all you saw was this half-naked girl on the street yelling at some cop 'It's fashion! I'm an artist!' It was fun." [Perez]
• Lady Gaga hearts Prince Harry: "I spotted him last year in a club and couldn't take my eyes off him. British men are cool. I especially love the accent and Prince Harry sounds so posh." [The Sun]
• An artist named Ben Tegel has made an "American Gothic" type poster — called "American Sapphic," starring Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. LL looks good, but Sam looks sinister. [E!]
• Coming soon to a bar near you: Justin Timberlake brand tequila. [Page Six]
• John Mayer's latest Twitter: "This heart didn't come with instructions." Naturally the papers think it's Aniston-related. [Mirror]
• Joy Behar has been with her man for 26-and-a-half years and may get married! She says: "Somebody that I know lost her partner. They were gay women. And the partner was in the hospital, and she had to pretend that she was her sister in order to really deal with stuff. I don't want that to happen to us … and I also just feel that I want to." [People]
• Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow had dinner with Valentino last night and talked goop all evening. [Daily Mail]
• Madonna will release a fourth greatest hits compilation, because she owes her current record label one more album. [Perez]
• Nicole Richie has launched NicoleRichie.com. You'll find posts about her jewelry line, her charities, her Brazilian blow dry — all while listening to Deep Purple. [Socialite Life]
• An ad for Angelina Jolie's film Wanted was banned in the UK for glamorizing violence. Here in the US, we encourage that sort of thing. [Telegraph]
• Two contestants on Paris Hilton's British Best Friend were screaming at each other and going so nuts a psychiatrist was called in. Apparently there is a shrink on hand "at all times," but shouldn't the doctor be questioning why the hell the ladies are on the show to begin with? [The Sun]
• Ellen DeGeneres will play Mother Nature in a comedy flick written by Sex And The City writer-producer Jenny Bicks. She does really really love animals… [Reuters]
• George Michael played a one-hour performance for a Russian nickel magnate and made £1,606,856. How much is that in rubles? [Daily Mail]
• Sleazy 'N Sync mastermind Lou Pearlman might be in jail, but he's plotting a reality show. Part Charlie's Angels and part Making The Band, "it essentially would feature Lou's disembodied voice on a speakerphone," a source says. Creepy! [Gatecrasher]
• Mena Suvari's image is being used to sell condoms in China without her knowledge. But she looks good. [SF Gate]
• Kimila Ann Basinger — more commonly known as Kim Basinger — is playing a the head of a large family whose perspective on life has been changed by breast cancer. A different kind of role for her, no? [Independent]
• Salma Hayek, Maya Rudolph and Colin Quinn have joined the cast of an untitled Adam Sandler comedy. Salma is Sandler's wife; Maya is the wife of Chris Rock. Yeah. The old goofy guy/hot chick cliché. [Variety]
• Simon Baker has been named the sexiest man on TV. Did anyone see him glisten in the sun in that movie Something New? That was hot. [Mirror]
• Actor Stacy Keach has been hospitalized for an undisclosed health problem. [Reuters]
• What the world needs now: A Goonies reunion. Seriously: Goonies never say die! [The Sun]
• Blind item: "Which hip-hop icon gets laughed at when he strips down at the gym? Guysin the locker room can't believe it's that small." [Gatecrasher]
• "It's hard to know what the rule book is for guy friends. Girls call their friends girlfriends. You'll never hear me say, 'My boyfriend Paul Rudd and I were working together.'" — Jason Segel, whose "bromance" flick, I Love You Man, is opening Friday. The back and forth between Rudd and Segel in this interview is pretty funny. [USA Today]
• "I went crazy for the script. I was going through a phase where I was turning everything down. This gem landed. I finished the last page and called my agent. It was a rare gem." — Clive Owen, on Duplicity. [USA Today]
• "I'm embarrassed on almost a daily basis. You sort of have to suck it up sometimes. [Fans] say stuff like, 'You're so much shorter in person Or 'Oh, my god, you look just like that girl, but you are a lot prettier than she is.' You have to grin and bear it. I might say in return, 'I know I looked skinnier in The House Bunny, but thanks to my diet of beer and doughnuts, I'm back to my fightin' weight!'" — Anna Faris, to Self. [People]

[London, February 27. Image via INF]

• At an Oscar party, Madonna congratulated ex-husband Sean Penn on his win. Penn reportedly gestured at Jesus Luz and said: "Thanks. Another kid already?" [The Sun]

• Sean Penn skipped the Milk party, by the way. Why wouldn't you go to the bash for your own damn flick? [Page Six]
• Was Ben Stiller's Joaquin impersonation the only amusing part of the Oscars? [NY Post]
• Kate Winslet was psyched at the Vanity Fair party: she "cradled" her statue and shouted "Wooo!" at all who congratulated her. [Gatecrasher]
• Since receiving it, Kate Winslet has not put her Oscar down. [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Aniston wouldn't let John Mayer pose for a picture with "backstage beauties" at the Oscars. Or, you know, people want you to think she is keeping a tight grip on this one. [E!]
• Sienna Miller was at Montblanc's/UNICEF dinner in Hollywood and came out of the men's room followed by a "short, straggly haired gent whom she didn't speak to again that night." [Gatecrasher]
• Are Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson back on? She was seen with him right before the Oscars. [Page Six]
• Prince's Oscar party: A "disaster." [Page Six]
• Will Billy Crystal host the Oscars next? Fox's Roger Friedman thinks so, since Crystal isn't working on anything else. [Fox 411]
• Madonna who? Gwyneth Paltrow is becoming BFFs with Jay-Z and Beyoncé: Her kids call him "Uncle Jay." [Page Six]
• Eminem is suing Universal Music Group — the world's largest music company — over how much he is entitled to when his tunes are sold to third-party distributors. [The Wrap]
• There was a hearing in the Britney Spears restraining order case yesterday; Dad Jamie Spears claimed that Britney has been talking to Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib on a pre-paid cell phone. Danger, danger! [TMZ]
• Victoria Beckham's carbon footprint? Huge. [Guardian]
• Three words: Kathy Griffin memoir. [NY Observer]
• Parker Posey is a big tipper. [Page Six]
• Lily Allen wants to star in Miss Marple. She also wants to sing for and appear in a Bond film. She's a lady with dreams! [The Star]
• Stevie Wonder is in Washington to receive the Gershwin Prize for Popular Song from the Library of Congress; the ceremony will happen later this week at the White House and Barack Obama will present the award. Signed sealed delivered, it's his! [USA Today]
• Pix of the Slumdog cuties at Disneyland! [Extra]
• Here's a story about how the Slumdog kids are hometown heroes. "The whole country is happy about this. They are very happy that a boy from the slums is also now a star. I'm also very happy," said Mohammed Ismail, the father of a 10-year-old who appeared in the flick. [NY Post]
• A Tennessee teen who got raided last Fall for hacking Miley Cyrus's Gmail account also hacked other celebrity accounts and MySpaces for a spam scheme that earned him $110,000. [Wired]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is so obsessed with Audrey Hepburn that she dressed up as the actress for her 30th birthday. Nice tiara. [E!, IDLYITW]
• Some dude in Seattle collects celebrity-autographed yarmulkes, and 32 of them will be displayed at the University Of Washington. [UPI]
• Charles Barkley was sentenced to 10 days in jail yesterday, stemming from a December DUI in which he told cops he was speeding because he was on his way to get a blow job. (Note: That excuse does not work.) [E!]
• Kate Beckinsale has some instant noodles named after her: Steak and BeckinsALE. What an honor? [The Sun]
• The author of gay comic book Hair-Raising Adventures of Jayms Blonde says Adam Sandler ripped off his idea and turned it into You Don't Mess With The Zohan. No one should be claiming credit for Zohan, though. [NY Daily News]
• Is U2 getting £1million in free advertising from the BBC? [Daily Mail]
• Regis Philbin's son Danny tried to kill himself with a pill overdose after splitting with his wife. [Perez Hilton]
• New couple: Elle Macpherson and Brit designer Oswald Boateng. [Gatecrasher]
• A martial arts instructor is suing Tito Jackson over unpaid debt. Is that family a magnet for trouble? [Mirror]
• Blind item! " Which billionaire's son is a scary misogynist? When women balk at his less-than-gentlemanly pickup lines, he calls them bitches and shouts a threat or two." [Gatecrasher]
• More blind items! "Which actor snorted cocaine in the bathroom during an Oscar after-party, while a slimmed-down stoner actor smoked pot outside with his pals? Which morning cable TV show hostess took off a week recently to get her eyes done and her breasts enlarged? Which aviation honcho is trying to knock down rumors he shacked up with a young hottie who works for him while his pregnant wife was back home and clueless?" [Page Six]
• "It's not up to me, but I'm sure we would (have him on SNL) if he had another hit single. We don't care about scandal. We just care about what brings us ratings!" — Kenan Thompson on Chris Brown. [MSNBC]
• "Possession of pouty lips and carefully contrived tousled hairdos doesn't exempt them from associating with the reporters and fans who made them famous." — from a rant against Angelina and Brad snubbing interviewers on the red carpet. [NY Post]
• "It doesn't cost $500 to cut my hair. Have you seen my hair? I don't even have that many strands. If for some reason i decided that I was going to throw $500 away on a hair cut I would pay for it myself, however - I have a great exchange going with my hair dresser - I make him cds - he cuts my hair. Yay! cheap and cheerful!" —Samantha Ronson, shutting down a report that Lindsay Lohan pays for Sam's $500 hair cuts. [MSNBC]

Apparently she has been notifying friends that she is with child. And her boyfriend, Jamie Hince, was overheard telling her to "calm down, especially in your state." [News Of The World]

• This report claims that at a recent shoot for Roberto Cavalli, Kate Moss showed up late and then "proceeded to finish off beer after beer after beer while she was getting her make-up done." Maybe not pregnant? [Page Six]
• Not pregnant: Angelina Jolie. [Gatecrasher]
• In case you missed it, Chris Brown issued a statement yesterday which read: "Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired… I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones. I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person." And! "Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say." [NY Daily News]
• Salma Hayek married her baby daddy, French businessman Francois-Henri Pinault. On Valentine's Day. There were reports that they'd called off their engagement, but the nuptials were announced in a paper his company owns. (He is worth about $16.9 billion.) Congrats! [People]
• Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson had a fight on the streets of New York on Valentine's Day! Lindsay called Sam by her full name ("Samantha Judith Ronson, why are you doing this to me?") and Sam mumbled something which made LL say, ""What are you talking about? I've been with you all night!" This "first hand account" of the spat comes to you from journalist Justin Rocket Silverman and a paparazzo. [NY Post]
• In this video, Project Runway's Christian Siriano says that Rihanna "must have done something" to provoke Chris Brown to hit her. Then he recants, "No, you should never hit a woman." But! He does say that Rihanna is "kind of a diva." [TMZ]
• It's a boy for M.I.A. and fiancé Ben Bronfman; she announced that her baby is "healthy, fine and beautiful" on her MySpace page. [AP]
• Speaking of babies: The company that did public relations for Nadya Suleman, the mother of octuplets, has quit. Death threats are to blame. [MSNBC via AP]
• Hugh Jackman will be hosting the Oscars, and he hopes that fellow Australian Heath Ledger wins Best Supporting Actor. "I can't hide the fact that I would really love for that honour to be bestowed upon him. It would be fitting and I think he deserves it." [Mirror]
• Is the "truce" between Madonna and Guy Ritchie over? This report claims that Ritchie isn't happy about the custody arrangement and wants the boys in British schools instead of New York establishments. [Daily Mail]
• Hmm, this says that Madonna and Guy are looking to make their current custody arrangement legally binding. [The Star]
• Meanwhile: Madonna took new man Jesus to a Kabbalah meeting on Valentine's Day. Her son David and daughter Lourdes also attended; Madonna and Jesus left separately, possibly to avoid being photographed together. [Daily Mail]
• And! Will Madonna play Wallis Simpson, the American Woman who caused Edward VIII to turn down the throne? [Guardian]
• Jennifer Lopez interrupted her husband's concert by walking on stage with with twins, Max and Emme. Max was wearing a tuxedo and Emme was wearing a pink gown; they turn one this Sunday. [Daily Mail, Just Jared]
• Miley Cyrus's label spent £150,000 flying her to the UK to sing on a Saturday night variety show, only to have Miley forget the words to her own damn song. [The Sun]
• Love's in need of love today: The White House is planning a concert to honor Stevie Wonder, and Barack and Michelle Obama will present the singer with a Library of Congress award on Wednesday. [The Star]
• Amy Winehouse was in the hospital in St. Lucia, but has been released. Too much fun in the sun? [TMZ]
• Has newly engaged Mandy Moore gone totally domestic? She's the new spokesperson for Gain detergent. The campaign is called "Love At First Sniff." Not a joke. [AdAge]
• Beyoncé and Muhammad Ali embraced for pictures at the NBA All-Star game over the weekend. [Daily Mail]
• Fashion week gossip: Diana Ross was in the house at the Diane von Furstenberg show. [WWD]
• Kanye West attended a few Fashion Week shows over the weekend and was moody. [Gatecrasher]
• Benicio Del Toro will walk in the G-Star fashion show on Thursday. Chances are, he will scowl. [Page Six]
• Jessica Simpson threw a party at brother in law Pete Wentz's bar last week, and Tony Romo bought the room a round of shots. [Gatecrasher]
• Conan O'Brien is packing up his office in preparations to replace Jay Leno as the Tonight Show host; he says: "Men don't like to say goodbye. My wife told me about six months ago: 'I think you have to admit that you have mixed feelings about leaving this late-night show, it's very emotionally charged for you. That's OK.'" [AP]
• Lily Allen's apartment is super organized: In her walk-in wardrobe, every pair of shoes is boxed and has a Polaroid of the contents stuck on the outside; in her kitchen cupboards and in the spice rack, all the labels face the front. "This is what I'm really all about," she says. "It's control. I have to be in control. Even when I'm out of control I'm still sort of in control. I know the point I'm going off the rails. But it's my decision to go off them." [Daily Mail]
• Here are pictures of Peaches Geldof, 19, showing off her "bizarre" tattoos as she sunbathes topless while on vacay in South America. Note: They aren't that bizarre. [Daily Mail]
• Freida Pinto called off her engagement to her boyfriend of four years after Slumdog Millionaire started taking off; she is now single and ready to mingle… at the Oscars. [Mirror]
• Katy Perry and Benji Madden: It's on! They were each other's dates on Valentine's day in Las Vegas. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which celeb chef's wife mans his reservation stand while he secretly slips out the back door with his girlfriend?" [Gatecrasher]
• Doug Reinhardt and Paris Hilton spent V-Day together; he gave her an Andy Warhol print of Marilyn Monroe. What do you think she gave him? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Salman Rushdie's new girlfriend is a "32-year-old actress of Amazonian proportions." Read: Tall. She says: "I think he is a genius, genius novelist and he thinks I am smart and that's the biggest thing, the aphrodisiac. With other men, I have had to hide that side of myself because I felt if I came off too smart, I'd be ostracised. This is a good old-fashioned romance but the attraction started as a meeting of minds." [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt hints about the new season of the Ghost Whisperer: "There's lots going on. I think the audience will be very, very happy. There's an unexpected reunion and there's maybe the pitter-patter of tiny feet." [E!]
• A man suspected of stalking Celine Dion was arrested outside the gates of her home on Friday. [CTV]
• Johnny Knoxville's new show, Nitro Circus, is responsible for a bunch of injuries: "We've shot 12 episodes and there's been about that many surgeries... There was three of the guys who went to the hospital in one day," says Johnny. One 60-year-old "jumped off the back of a boat, going 60 (miles per hour) and it went bad... It broke his pelvis and cut his urethra." [Daily Express]
• Farrah Fawcett is suing companies who have used the iconic photo of her in a red swimsuit without permission. [Daily Mail]
• Is Steven Cojocaru about to get kicked off of Entertainment Tonight? [Page Six]
• American Idol's Ruben Studdard says he overcame stage fright at the age of 12, if you care. [The Star]
• Michael Jackson's brother Marlon is involved in a plan to develop a billion-dollar slavery memorial and luxury resort in Nigeria. Yes. Slavery tourism. [BBC News]
• Kenneth Branagh was not nominated for an Olivier award, but was named best actor in the only stage awards decided entirely by the public. [Guardian]
• "Three of my very best girlfriends flew into town and wanted to meet Brad Pitt. So I was like, 'Brad, come over. My girlfriends are going crazy over you.' He comes over, and he's so cool. He has a way of being very warm and making people feel welcome." — Taraji P. Henson of Benjamin Button. [USA Today]
• "On the first day I was really nervous, because I felt like I was walking on someone's set, and it was no longer my set. But I found Donna inside [me]. Donna's still there! Seeing Jennie [Garth] again and all of a sudden we were two giggly school girls." — Tori Spelling, on returning to 90210. [People]
• "Wow, [in] 10 yrs I'll be 24, almost 25... I hope to still be acting, I really do. I hope to have gone to college and be enjoying my life… I kind of follow my own path and don't really look at others... I have my close family, my close friends and the people that I've worked with that are always there for me, and you have to just kind of stick to yourself." — Dakota Fanning, when asked to predict her future. [The Star]
• "I remember the instant I fell in love with her. One night on board a small boat I owned, she looked at me with love, her dark brown eyes lit by a table lantern. That moment changed my life. […] I never saw Natalie dead - not at the morgue, nor at the funeral home. I wanted to remember her alive. After the funeral I went to bed and stayed there for seven, maybe eight, days. […] Did I blame myself? If I'd been there, I could have done something. I wasn't, but ultimately, a man is responsible for his loved one. Yes, I blamed myself." — Robert Wagner, on the death of Natalie Wood. [Daily Mail]
• "Parents should say, 'Drugs might seem fun, but they do funny things to your brain. Some people react to it good, some don't. Try it and see what you think.' The only story is that drugs are bad and they will kill you — you will become a prostitute, a rapist or a dealer. But that's not true. I know lots of people that take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work everyday, no problem at all. But we never hear that side of the story. I have no statement to make, I just wish people wouldn't sensationalise this thing that just exists." — Lily Allen. [Daily Mail]
• "I think Simon [Cowell] has actually got a wee bit nicer over the past couple of years. He's always been pretty nice to me and I think it's really good that somebody will give you a dose of reality even if it might be said in a harsh manner… As soon as I took a step back and realized that everything he said was constructive, as mean as it might be, we got along fine. So if anybody asks me who my favourite judge is, I'm always going to say Simon." — Carrie Underwood. [The Star]
• "She might not be a feminist, but Lily Allen is that rare thing: a star who offers the usually unspoken female perspective on relationships, in songs with which women can identify intuitively." — From a review of Lily Allen's new CD. [Independent]
• "I've only ever played one truly evil character, Cruella De Vil in 101 Dalmatians, and she really was the devil. But that was high comedy. The meaner she got, the more the audience laughed. But to play someone who is always considered mean and manipulative? It's boring. And I don't do it. What's more interesting is playing characters with light and shade. The problem is that some people don't want to see female characters with light and shade. They want us black and white, easily put into boxes. Good. Evil. All that stuff… I read a survey which said that both men and women find very aggressive women who are sure of themselves the most difficult to relate to. Certainly, when a woman is in power, the more feminine and conciliatory she can be, the more people will open up to her. So a woman who is acting like a man gets negative reactions from both sexes." — Glenn Close. [Daily Mail]
• "I did this photo shoot with a big name fashion photographer and he said, 'Just so you know, if you don't like anything about yourself I can fix it afterwards — like that, for example' — pointing to my face. I was like, 'My chin? ' 'Yes, that cleft on your chin, ' he said, to which I replied, 'I wouldn't mind keeping it, as it's part of my face, you know.'" — Emily Blunt. [Daily Express]

• Instead of appearing at the Grammy Awards, Chris Brown - seen at left with Rihanna at a pre-Grammy party - was arrested for a felony battery.

He surrendered to the LAPD and then posted $50,000 bail. An "unidentified woman" who appeared to have been beaten identified Brown as her attacker. Rihanna did not show up at the Grammys either. [EW, Rolling Stone, People,TMZ]

• Sources say Rihanna's face is "slightly bruised." [ET]
• This report says Rihanna had "multiple bruises" and was in the hospital but has been released. [NY Daily News]
• Cops say that Chris Brown and "the woman" they are not identifying were arguing inside a vehicle after midnight on Saturday; they received a 911 call and when they arrived, they noticed that the woman had "visible injuries." Brown had left the scene by the time police arrived. [TMZ]
• The case is a felony and not a misdemeanor because of the visible injuries. [People]
• The argument took place in a rented Lamborghini after a pre-Grammy gala at the Beverly Hilton. [Fox 411]
• Rapper David Banner says: "One situation doesn't define a man and I really want American to stop doing that to people. As humans, none of us is perfect." Um, yeah, but. You don't hit women. [Rolling Stone]
• Apparently in 2007, Chris Brown told Giant magazine: "[My stepfather] used to hit my mom. He made me terrified all the time, terrified like I had to pee on myself. I remember one night he made her nose bleed. I was crying and thinking, 'I'm just gonna go crazy on him one day…' I hate him to this day." A family history of domestic violence? [Perez]
• Chris Brown's court date is March 5. [USA Today]
• Commenters on the EW boards claim Chris Brown hit Rihanna because he found out she gave him genital herpes, which she got from a backup dancer. Where are they getting their info? [EW]
• Oh, wait. From here. [All Hip-Hop]
• This blogger adds, "Why is all this foolishness taking place during Black History Month?" [All Hip-Hop]
• Meanwhile: Rihanna is looking for a bone marrow donor for a 5-year-old girl. [UPI]
• Uh-oh: Peaches Geldof and husband of six months, Max Drummey, have separated! To her credit, Peaches did say she didn't expect it to last forever. But maybe at least a year? [Daily Mail]
• Amy Winehouse is heading back to the UK after a long vacation in the Caribbean. She plans to present her lawyers with a "secret ex-file," detailing Blake Incarcerated's bad behavior. Ugly divorce countdown starts now! [News Of The World]
• Is there tension in the Beckham marriage as Victoria heads to New York fashion week alone? She reportedly wants to stay in the U.S.: "She feels out of place in Milan and gets frustrated by not being able to understand what they are saying." [Daily Mail]
• Whitney Houston sang at Clive Davis's pre-Grammy bash and sounded "incredible," E!'s Marc Malkin says. "Was she back to the days when she was in top high-note-hitting form? No, but close." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Usher had to cancel his performance at a pre-Grammy party due to a "serious injury in the family" — apparently his wife Tameka experienced complications from plastic surgery in Brazil. Yikes! [TMZ, People]
• A neurosurgeon from LA's Cedars-Sinai Medical Center is headed to South America to check on Usher's wife. [Access Hollywood]
• Jennifer Aniston's 40th birthday party took place Saturday night at her house in Beverly Hills. Aniston and John Mayer "danced and huddled close all night," and guests included Oprah Winfrey, Sheryl Crow, David Arquette and wife Courteney Cox Arquette, Tobey Maguire and wife Jen Meyer, Laura Dern, Kevin Nealon, and Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Aniston has some kind of pull in Hollywood: the police kicked all the paparazzi out of the neighborhood! [Yahoo News via E!]
• Lindsay Lohan was seen hanging out at a table behind Sam Ronson's DJ booth; while Sam worked, LL was drinking from bottles stashed under the table. LL would flirt with guys but bitch out any woman who came close. This report notes that LL looked "grossly skinny." [E!]
• Director McG says of Christian Bale's "blowup": "The film set is a passionate place, and it happens… It was just one of those moments. I think I can speak on all of our behalf that we've all gotten a little fired up. And if anybody would take that moment and take it out of context, it would seem very, very strange." [People]
• Beyoncé runs around two and-a-half miles every day and is "eating veg and drinking water" because her stylists — and her mom tell her when she's gained weight. As for the diet: "It's boring." [Mirror]
• Here's video of the Jessica Simpson performance in which "every song was a disaster" and she mumbled through the lyrics and talked through tears, if you really want to watch that kind of thing. [ONTD via TMZ]
• Since she is producing a teen TV show for Fox and has a movie in the works, Jennifer Lopez is "putting music on the back burner," which may be for the best. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Do we really believe that Leonardo DiCaprio wants girlfriend Bar Refaeli to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue because it will "piss off" Gisele Bundchen? [Page Six]
• Prince Harry and Paris Hilton were supposed to have a date? And the Prince canceled at the last minute? Did he come to his senses? Should we feel sorry for Paris? [Daily Mail]
• Eddie Murphy has been ordered to pay £35,000 a month until his daughter — whose mother is Mel B. — turns 18. That's a total of about £7million. Another Shrek sequel? Anyone? [Daily Mail]
• What's this? Emma Watson is nervous about kissing Rupert Grint, aka Ron Weasley, on screen? [Telegraph]
• Dave Grohl wore a white knot on the red carpet at the Grammys to show his support for gay marriage and marriage equality. Think we'll see 'em at the Oscars? [E!]
• A man was killed on Justin Timberlake's golf course in Tennessee Saturday in a freak accident involving a tree. [TMZ]
• Minutes into his act at a UK nightclub, rapper Coolio was pelted by plastic bottles and ice cubes. Coolio jumped into the crowd to fight some dudes but was dragged way by security. Not exactly a gangster's paradise… [The Sun]
• The new Dancing With The Stars cast has been revealed! Jewel and her husband, rodeo star Ty Murray, will compete against each other. The youngest contestant ever, 17-year-old Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson will dance; and so will Julianne Hough and boyfriend Chuck Wicks; Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Karina Smirnoff; Belinda Carlisle; Denise Richards, former NFL star Lawrence Taylor; Lil' Kim; Jackass star Steve-O; Apple computer co-founder Steve Wozniak; actors David Alan Grier and Gilles Marini; and Access Hollywood co-host Nancy O'Dell. [People]
• Remember when Natalie Portman rapped on Saturday Night Live? Uncensored audio can be found here [ONTD]
• Hugh Grant and ex Jemima Khan are so, so back on. [Telegraph]
• Welcome Charlie Axel into the world; he's the first son for Tiger Woods and wife Elin. [AP]
• A reporter calls The International, Tom Tykwer's film starring Clive Owen and Naomi Watts, a "strange and beautifully made thriller." Tykwer is best known for his 1998 flick, Run Lola Run. [Salon]
• Robbie Williams has been visiting weird websites, stuff like government paranoia and UFOs. [Daily Mail]
• Original Buffy The Vampire Slayer Kristy Swanson and ice skating champ Lloyd Eisler got married on Saturday. This story notes that Swanson "lost 45 lbs. in time for her wedding with the help of The Medifast Diet and regular exercise, including martial arts, skipping rope and treadmill work." [People]
• A tell-all book about Sean "Diddy Combs" by a former aspiring rapper is called Dancing With the Devil: How Puff Burned the Bad Boys of Hip-Hop. It's self-published, naturally. [Page Six]
• Are you ready for a Tricky comeback? [Independent]
• "Straying Alive! Married Bee Gee Robin Gibb has baby with live-in housekeeper 26 years his junior." [Daily Mail]
• "I want to keep learning, I have no ego. I'm blessed to be on one of the great shows. I made a statement last year that I was going to aggressively pursue my acting career… I want to do some television." - Sean "Diddy Combs on his CSI: Miami gig. [The Star]
• Paradise Beach had improbable plot-lines. We were always in bikinis, even at funerals. And someone who was my brother ended up being my father and I pulled him – it was just insane." — Isla Fisher on her soap opera past, to GQ. [Daily Express]
• "Besides being in love with him, I'm his biggest fan. I think my fiancé is hilarious." — Isla Fisher on Sacha Baron Cohen. [Mirror]
• "I've decided I am going to start loving my backside because I don't know anyone who does that. And for my daughter, I want to be able to say to her, 'I love this.' [Young women] look at all of us, myself included, on these magazine covers and they think, 'My God, how does she get skin like that?' And I can tell you, I have so many blemishes under this make-up that have been so fabulously covered, I promise you. I did realise a few years ago that no one actually talks about this retouching thing. It's like a secret or something. I'm damned if it's going to be a secret any more. I really want these young women to know we don't look like this." — Kate Winslet. [Daily Mail]
• "I think I definitely want to go to college… I could always study drama. I think that would be really cool. There's always more you can learn. If I wanted to do something totally different, I love history." — Dakota Fanning. [Newsweek]
• "Sir Anthony Hopkins is in the recording studio with Amy Winehouse, and we are hoping that next week Sir Brad and all the Pitt family will be performing The Sound of Music at the Brit awards." — Mick Jagger, making jokes at the Baftas. [People]
• "It's so invasive. It's not like they're standing 100 feet away. They're in your face, not letting you walk, standing in the way when you're driving. It becomes a situation and it doesn't need to be." — Jessica Alba on the paparazzi. [The Star]
• "I got into a bit of hot water for what I said about Amy Winehouse and I still say it again. I'm an ex-drug addict and I don't take that kind of stuff lightly. It stayed in my body for 25 years and it could still happen to this young woman or other addicts who are fooling around with drugs, especially needles. I would hope that what happened to me does not happen to her." — Natalie Cole, who has Hepatitis C and is waiting for a kidney transplant, on Amy Winehouse. [Mirror]
• "Every time I go for an ultra scan the baby is like in crazy positions with legs star-shaped and stuff. It's not like in a baby position at all. I feel like he is used to base lines and beats and receptive to that, which is cute." — M.I.A. [Mirror]
• "I grew up in Nashville, Tennessee, and my parents taught me to respect my elders. We'd say things like 'yes, ma'am' and 'no, sir' to adults. But kids in Los Angeles don't do that. I've drawn the line at my children calling adults by their first names. I tell them they can call people 'Miss Shannon' or 'Miss Heather' but that using only the first name is too familiar. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned." — Reese Witherspoon. [Reader's Digest]
• "It's crazy for people to care about him having a bong hit. Nothing's the matter with it - I want to have a bong hit right now. Really, the message Phelps is giving is that you can smoke weed and still be at the top of your game." — Bill Maher. [Gatecrasher]
• "My split with Brad was the hardest thing I ever went through. But it made me strong, superhuman. Now I'm turning 40 and I'm very excited. When they say youth is wasted on the young, it's so true.'" — Jennifer Aniston. [Daily Mail]
• People have called me a sex symbol in the past, but it's very much an effort […] It's been important for me to just do something that's extreme — that really separates me from that public Joaquin Phoenix persona, whatever the fuck that is. Or maybe I'm just lazy." — Joaquin Phoenix on his new, grizzy, bearded "look." [The Sun]

8. Lindsay Lohan
Even though certain Jon Lovtiz look-alikes refuse to believe that La Lohan can willingly shack up with a lez lover, Lindsay seems happy and healthy with her DJing lesbian girlfriend/BFF, Sam Ronson. Although she won't publicly come out and announce that she is a full-blown lesbian, Lindsay proves that for some people, sexuality isn't a clearly defined "gay or straight" division.

7. Sam Ronson
Okay, so she won't DJ at lesbian bars, but SamRon seduced America's Bad Girl to the Isle of Lesbos, instantly making her one of the most well-known lezzies in America. Ronson also spoke out against Proposition 8, turned Lindsay into a blogger and has such a cute "fuck it" attitude that you almost forget she is the daughter of a socialite.

6. Portia de Rossi
Portia didn't get a whole lot of press this year other than being Ellen's new wifey, but she did wear this awesome shirt recently. Now if she would just officially sign on for the Arrested Development movie she will be aces in our book.

5. Cynthia Nixon
God Bless a woman who could come out from the debacle that was Sex and the City: The Movie and not make us want to stab ourselves in the eyes. Nixon opened up about her previous battle with breast cancer in 2006 this year and even though she is "shocked" by her own lesbianism, she was totally the number 2 lez (after Ellen, naturally) for average middle-aged moms everywhere.

4. Maj. Margaret Witt
Major Witt, a former flight nurse, got national attention when she continued her fight against the U.S. military for dismissing her from her post because she is a lesbian. Standing up against the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy takes a lot of bravery, something you think the military would reward rather than meddling into the private lives of their soldiers.

3. Del Martin
The lesbian activist Del Martin passed away in August at the age of 87, but not before she got married to her longtime partner, Phyllis Lyon, in the first legal gay marriage in California on June 16 of this year.

2. Ellen Degeneres
As one of the most visible lesbians in Hollywood, a lot of people were looking to Ellen to spread a positive image of lesbians to middle America during this eventful year for gays and lesbians. And Ellen did not disappoint, when she wasn't making ol' Walnuts McCain get on the real Straight Talk Express or urging people to vote against Prop. 8 on her blog, she was marrying a bananas-hot babe and great actress and becoming a Cover Girl model. Damn, what didn't Ellen do this year?

1. Rachel Maddow
This was definitely Rachel Maddow's year: she got her own show on MSNBC and quickly became the star of the network with her sarcastic but smart insight into politics. We obviously love her and she is so awesome that even our boyfriends have developed a crush on her. She even got to pose in Vogue this month without having to wear Louboutins. Cheers, to Rachel!

Can you think of any other Lezebels who stood out this year? Name them in the comments section!

• Did a knock down, drag out fight with Lilo land Samantha Ronson in the hospital for "exhaustion"?

• According to TMZ: "Neighbors tell us [Lindsay and Sam] were going at it for a long time, but it reached a crescendo at around 4:00 AM after one of them screamed at the other, 'You never say you love me.'" [TMZ
• Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna and Stella McCartney had a girls night out in London after Madge handed over her kids to ex-husband Guy Ritchie for the evening. Madge obviously knows that the best break up medicine (besides an affair with A-Rod) is a night out with the ladies. [Daily Mail]
• Lance Armstrong is expecting another child with girlfriend Anna Hansen. He has three children from his first marriage to ex-wife Kristin. [People]
• Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson is engaged to NFL player Hank Baskett. The wedding is slated for June 27 at, where else? The Playboy mansion. Initially she wanted ex-sugar daddy Hugh Hefner to give her away, but now Kendra is having second thoughts. [People]
• DJ AM, aka Adam Goldstein, is taking a page from fellow plane crash survivor Travis Barker and suing a bunch of people. "DJ AM is suing the estates of the two pilots who died in the crash as well as Clay Lacy Aviation, Global Exec Aviation, Inter Travel & Services Inc, Goodyear Tire and Rubber Co, and Learjet." He claims the pilots knew that the tires were shot and attempted to take off anyway. "Damn," says Michael K. of Dlisted. "I can understand suing companies and shit, but suing the estates of the pilots? I wonder if the pilots left behind any kids that need food, clothes and a roof over their heads. It seems a little extreme to try to fuck with the families, but I don't know the details and shit, so I will leave it at that." Word to that entire sentiment. [Dlisted]
• Marisa Tomei, 44, was conspicuously canoodling with Logan Marshall-Green, 32 (otherwise known as "Trey" from the O.C.) at the LA premiere of the Wrestler. You go Marisa! [Page Six]
• Apparently Suri Cruise gets 100 pieces of fan mail a day from all around the world. She is egregiously adorable. [Star]
• Slow gossip day, guys: Page Six reports that Bridget Moynahan uses the same dentist as her estranged baby daddy, Tom Brady. Riveting! [Page Six]
• Scar Jo's snot-filled Kleenex eventually went for $5,300 on eBay. Merry Christmas…sorta. [NYDN]
• Jennifer Hudson will perform a gospel song for her departed mom at the 2009 Grammys. [NYDN]
• Long dead drug kingpin Pablo Escobar loved Elvis, and even played his records when he was in the clink. Jailhouse rock indeed! [Page Six]
• Spencer Pratt keeps running his mouth about Heidi Montag's momma. "I just had visions of her mom trying to kill me in my sleep so I saw that as a possibility," he said at the Hills season finale party. Dear Momma Montag: we hope you have a Spencer-free Christmas and a happy New Year. [ASL]
• Ricky Martin: living la vida loca for 37 years as of today. [Dlisted]
• Though he's making a government salary now, from his Christmas shopping spree at Hermès, it's obvious that Arnold Schwarzenegger used to make the big movie star buckies. [ASL]
• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are in Aspen for Christmas, and Mariah says she always gets holiday-themed lingerie. “Honestly, I always get Santa lingerie. Even if nobody’s going to see it! I mean, why not? But this year I’m definitely excited because it’ll be appreciated!” Mimi says. Cant'…won't…make this lame joke…sigh. Ho ho ho, Mariah! There. I said it. [Just Jared]
• Poor Ben Stiller has to spend Christmas in a cast. He broke his hand snowboarding over the weekend. [E! Online]

• Luke Wilson is back in Austin, Texas for the holidays, and he's spending them at the Yellow Rose gentlemen's club. Ol' Luke was "getting lap dances and rocking out" to heavy metal. [Page Six]

• Ostensibly the same thieves who stole millions worth of Paris Hilton's jewelery last week have also robbed Erin Wasson. Wasson was unfortunately home during the robbery. Like Hilton, she had also left her door unlocked."Tens of thousands of dollars of jewelry and designer clothing," were stolen from Wasson's abode, "including pieces by Alexander McQueen, Ann Demeulemeester, Dior, Givenchy and William Rast." A prominent publicist living nearby was also robbed. [Page Six]
• Speaking of Paris, rumor is that she and Benji Madden are back on. Says a source, “They are completely still hooking up." [The Superficial]
• This is getting completely ridiculous: apparently at the (probably staged) Los Angeles courthouse ceremony, Spencer refused to say "I do" after Heidi had already said it. Because, according to E!, "In an apparent act of consideration for his prettier half, the bearded one decided to wait. The reason given? The two plan to create a fantasy ceremony for Heidi that would include patching things up with her family, who were disappointed to have been shut out of the couple's ring exchange." [E! Online]
• Trouble in J.Lo's perfect marriage? Both Jennifer and Marc Anthony have recently been photographed without their wedding rings. Also: a source tells Page Six that J.Lo sent her assistant on tour with Marc to make sure he didn't stick his willie where it wasn't supposed to go. Hmm! [Page Six]
• Jeremy Piven's Speed the Plow castmates aren't buying his "sushi defense" — that he left the show because of Mercury poisoning due to excessive sushi intake. After the first performance sans-Piven, former co-star Raul Esparza told the audience, "Today was the first time I really enjoyed playing this show. I hope you weren't expecting a big TV star." Damn, yo. [NYM]
• Apparently the hand injury Shia LaBeouf sustained in his DUI car crash earlier this year is fairly serious, much more so than has been admitted in the past. “Shia’s tendons had fused together, and right after the accident there was talk of a partial amputation," a source tells the Daily News. Good thing he's an actor and not any other job where he'd actually have to suffer the consequences: the writers for the Transformers sequel wrote his injury into the plot. [NYDN]
• Like girlfriend Lindsay Lohan before her, Sam Ronson was hospitalized over the weekend for "exhaustion." Some are speculating that "exhaustion" is actually code for "depression" while others are speculating that "exhaustion" actually means "coke bender." She's already out of the hospital and feeling better. [NYM, Jossip]
• Revolutionary Road director Sam Mendes on filming his wife Kate Winslet doing Leonardo DiCaprio: "a profoundly weird experience…[I had to watch from another room and shout] 'Leo, don't bang her head so hard against the kitchen cabinets…Could you not do it for so long this time?'" [Page Six]
• How much does it cost to wrangle Britney Spears? $16,125, according to a judge. That's the amount of Britney's money her dad, Jamie, will be given per month to continue taking care of his daughter's financial affairs. Her brother Bryan will receive $200,000 for the things he did for Brit before his father was named official conservator. [TMZ]
• Courteney Cox says that divorce from husband David Arquette isn't something she'd ever consider. "I don't know what the future's going to hold, but divorce isn't really an option," Cox says. She says the couple attends counseling to work on their issues. “Therapy helps us. It's so easy to grow apart; marriage takes work. I suppose you can work it out by talking to each other — I would just prefer to have a referee, it reminds us why we're together.” That actually sounds sane. Good for her! [MSNBC]
• Apparently John Mayer hates Jennifer Aniston's dogs, Norman and Dolly, just like he hated ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson's tiny lap puppy, Daisy. [Dlisted]
• Aw, Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson won't show strangers her boobs anymore now that she's in luuurve. “She’s changed so much. She’s not even the same person. … She doesn’t flash anymore. She’s a lot more conservative. She’s so in love," says fellow Bunny Bridget. [NYDN]
• Kirsten Dunst's stalker, Christopher Smith, has been "forbidden from owning (or possessing) a gun, and/or coming anywhere near Dunst, where she lives, her personal assistant or where she works." He showed up at Kiki's house over Thanksgiving and scared the crap out of her. Good thing she's getting the legal protection she needs. [ASL]
• Pete Wentz: Ashlee's breast milk tastes "weird." Pete Wentz: please stop. [E! Online]

• "It's not like she's asking him for details, but she's thrilled at the prospect of him moving on. It makes things easier for everybody," says a source. Meanwhile, Madge is trying to keep a "low profile" on her "friendship" with A-Rod. [MSNBC]
• Don't count on Reese Witherspoon tying the knot with Jakey G. any time soon (you were waiting for this with bated breath, we assume): Reese says she's not sure she'll ever get married again. "I don't know [if I'll get married again]. I don't think about it much. At the moment, I am not far enough out of being married to think about doing it again," she says. [ Daily Mail]
• Rumors are rampant that Russell Crowe is clashing with director Ridley Scott on the set of the film Nottingham. A source tells Page Six, "Ridley is the only one who is willing to stand up to Russell and tell him he's too fat and that he can't show up four hours late to the set…[Russell] wants someone he can control." Russell plays the Sheriff of Nottingham in this new version of the Robin Hood tale. [Page Six]
• Though initial speculation was that Levi Johnston's mother, Sherry, was involved in selling meth, she was actually apprehended for selling oxycontin, otherwise known as "hillbilly heroin." She's currently out on bail. [McClatchy]
• Eric Dane is still not over the fact that ex-ladyfriend Lara Flynn Boyle was dating Jack Nicholson while she dated Dane in the 90s. "My take on the whole thing was, I'm 30. He's 70. This is not going to go down like this. I couldn't comprehend a 35-year-old woman gravitating toward a 70-year-old man . . . I walked away," Dane says. [Page Six]
• Sam Ronson's Lilo love has been quite lucrative: since the pair got together, SamRon's DJ fee has gone from $1,500 to as much as $25,000 per event. “While Sam never contractually agrees that Lindsay will show up to her shows, promoters, owners and publicists all know that if you book Sam, there’s a high likelihood Lindsay will also show,” an "insider" tells the Daily News. However, the couple apparently bickers constantly. [NYDN]
• Sad news for Led Zep lovers! Robert Plant has said that he does not want to do a reunion tour. "I still see Jimmy [Page] quite a lot and he's very complimentary and supportive of what I'm doing," Plant says. "But we are in different places now and you have to go on to do different things." Then he added, "Do you know how long it took me to climb up onto the stage here - and it's only four steps!" Aw. We've got a whole lotta love for Robert. [Telegraph]
• Tom Hanks is literally the nicest guy in Hollywood: to help raise money for a failing independent book seller called Village Books in Pacific Pallisades, Hanks "sat at at a small table in the back signing everything put in front of him…He stayed a half-hour beyond his scheduled two-hour appearance." The store is now catching up on back rent thanks to Hanks' generosity. Love!!! [Page Six]
• All the British tabs have photos of a no longer skeletal Amy Winehouse frolicking on the beach in St. Lucia. Some are speculating that she is really getting off drugs this time: fingers crossed. [The Sun — Link NSFW]
• "She's keeping it fresh for her customers. I wanted to do nipple rings, and (Aronofsky) said, 'I love it.' And I knew we were on the same page. They pinched them on and used eyelash glue. My breasts got a lot of attention that day." — Marisa Tomei on her role as a stripper in The Wrestler. [ USA Today]
• Paris Hilton's mom, Cathy, had this to say about the recent burglary of $2 million worth of jewelery from Paris's Hollywood Hills home: "I'm just happy that she's okay. But you can't be possessed by your possessions. Those are just things. And I'm happy that she's okay." [E! Online via Yahoo News]
• Unlike her mama, Paris is not so happy-go-lucky about the robbery. "I am devastated. I cannot believe someone broke into my home. They took items that had such sentimental value that no one will ever be able to replace," she says. [Extra]
• A recording of John Lennon drunk and singing a cover of the Lloyd Price song "Just Because" in 1973 was purchased for $30,000. A spokeswoman from the auction house said, "It was six minutes, 16 seconds, and John singing very drunk and with John ad-libbing his own lyrics into the song — so it's actually a fun song to listen to." Hear that people? Start recording your drunk ass singing, it might be worth tens of thousands some day! [CNN]
• A new biography of the King of Pop claims that Michael Jackson is gravely ill. “He needs a lung transplant, but may be too weak to go through with it. He also has emphysema and chronic gastrointestinal bleeding, which his doctors have had a lot of trouble stopping. It’s the bleeding that’s the most problematic part. It could kill him," says biographer Ian Halperin. Halperin alleges that Jackson has "an inherited condition called A1AD — alpha-1 anti-trypsin deficiency. Sufferers lack a protein which protects the lungs." Yikes! [The Sun]
• There will be no strollers allowed at Obama's inauguration, but not because they're a nuisance — but because they're a security risk. Thermoses, backpacks, and chairs will also not be allowed on the inauguration route. [TMZ]

• Madonna is divorced. A judge ruled on "Ciccone, M.L. v. Ritchie, G.S." today and the case was a "quickie," an uncontested divorce. Neither Madonna nor Guy Ritchie attended the hearing, which lasted barely a minute. Her Madgesty is single again! Think she'll get hitched to A-Rod? [Yahoo News]
• Oh snap! Madonna just had drinks with her first ex-husband, Sean Penn. [Page Six]
• A source says don't believe what you read about Guy being a gentleman and not taking a penny from Madge. He's getting a "huge pay day." [Perez Hilton]
• Friends of Madonna's are not surprised that the divorce went through so quickly. "It’s not fair to Guy, to the kids, to drag it out for any reason," says a source. [MSNBC]
• Ashlee Simpson gave birth to a baby boy last night, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Yeah, Bronx. And yeah: Mowgli. Urban Decay Jungle Book Wentz. [People]

• Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have been "fighting like cats and dogs," says a source, and may be in couples therapy. Work it out, ladies! [Page Six]
• Whoa, a kid almost died on the set of 30 Rock when an out-of-control taxi smashed into the street where the show was filming and everyone had to dive out of the way. [Page Six]
• Shia LaBeouf's wrecked truck was on eBay, but barely anyone bid on it. [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson has converted to Islam. His name is now Mikaeel. It might be so that he can legally wear a burka in court and no one can stare at his skin. [The Sun]
• Michael Jackson Mikaeel is due in court next week to defend claims that he owes Sheikh Abdullah $7 million. May Allah be with him! [Guardian]
• Ooh, more soundbites from Britney's new documentary: "Do I know my life is weird? It's all I've ever known. I don't see it as being weird… I'm kind of stuck in this place and I'm like, How do you deal? I just cope with it every day… It's better not to feel anything at all and have hope than to feel the other way… It's bad. I'm sad." [She breaks down into tears.] [EW]
• Britney on why she let "bad people" into her life: "Because I was lonely." [People]
• Twilight star Robert Pattinson was asked, "What is all this talk about you not washing your hair for months on end?" He answered: "People are scared of my hair. But it starts washing itself after about three weeks. I'm just saying that. But, yeah, if it doesn't look dirty, why wash it?" Darling, it looks dirty. Get some Pantene Pro-V up in there. [USA Today]
• America's Next Top Model winner McKey says: "I was freaking out at the second CoverGirl commercial. I almost had a nervous breakdown. They only show a little bit of it, but Christian was fixing my makeup and I was like, 'Christian, I'm freaking out right now. I might have a nervous breakdown. I haven't had a nervous breakdown in forever. I'm going crazy. Why am I here?'" Because you look like a model, maybe? [E!]
• Leonardo DiCaprio attended a "preview screening" of a music video starring ex-girlfriend Gisele Bundchen because he's friends with the director, who is Kevin Connolly. Hollywood's a small town. [People]
• Uh, are Leo and Kate Bosworth an item???? [Star]
• Leo told this paper: "So much of my life has been spent on some far-off movie location and so little of it has been lived normally. I want to get married and have children." [Mirror]
• Hollywood is a small town, take 2: Samuel L. Jackson, Denzel Washington, Eddie Murphy, Reba McEntire, Sylvester Stallone, Magic Johnson and Barry Bonds are involved in the lawsuit between North and South Beverly Park homeowners. It's like the Sharks and the Jets! [LA Times]
• Here's more on that turf war between the North and the South. [TMZ]
• Apparently Brit TV host Jonathan Ross told Gwyneth Paltrow he "would fuck her" and the BBC has called that "gratuitous and unnecessarily offensive." Think so? [Guardian]
• A critic says Baz Luhrmann made a "big, big mistake" in casting Nicole Kidman as proper English dame Lady Sarah Ashley in Australia: Melanie Reid says Kidman is "one of the most overrated actors" in the world and who has "been the kiss of death in practically every movie she has starred in." There's more! "Kidman is exquisitely accomplished at being awful," Reid writes. "She can't act. Instead she drifts around films like a lost porcelain doll, looking frozen, brittle and vapid, staring at the camera with her oh-golly-look-how-I'm-looking-interesting blue eyes." Ouch! [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Ugh, someone asked Nicole Kidman if she was pregnant again. "No, I just have a little tummy," she said. "My god, I just had a baby four months ago – give me a break!" She added: "I think I've always had a little tummy, though, it runs in the family. My sister does, my mum does, my grandmother did… We affectionately refer to it as the 'little tummy.'" Fascinating. [People]
• Glenn Close didn't get the part of Elvira in Scarface because she wasn't slutty enough? [Page Six]
• Miley Cyrus let her boyfriend attend the casting for her new video, and a source says "Justin wanted to pick a guy that looked the most like him." WTF. [E!]
• Apparently the clip of Justin Timberlake dancing with Beyoncé on SNL has been yanked from YouTube due to music clearance issues. Dammit. Not fierce, Sasha. Not fierce. [LA Times]
• Angelina Jolie might not get nominated for an Oscar for her performance in Changeling, even though Ted Casablanca thinks she should. [E!]
• Rihanna's new tattoo: "It's tribal," she says. She got it in New Zealand, and it's Maori-inspired. "It's their traditional way of tattooing. I always wanted [one]. It hurt like hell!" [People]
• ABC has killed three shows: RIP Pushing Daisies, Eli Stone and Dirty Sexy Money. [EW]
• Your friend Kanye West began his concert in Germany by having the crowd wait tow hours and then running on stage and shouting, "I really need some pussy tonight!" [The Sun]
• Baby-wipes enthusiast Terrence Howard says all he's ever wanted to do is be all around the most beautiful women in the world. "I'm sorry I'm shallow like that, I'm a man." [Perez Hilton]
• Lance Bass is glad Julianne Hough has been eliminated from Dancing With The Stars: "She was the one I was scared of the most," he says. [People]
• Is Julianne Hough retiring from DWTS? "I'm not gonna be back next season," she says. "I really, really want to focus on the music and, ya know, be taken seriously a little bit. And I think it’s hard to be on [the show] and be singing." [People]
• Reese Witherspoon looks like a small town checkout girl on the cover of Parade. [Just Jared]
• Reese told Parade: "Family is all we have in life, but I don't know how I feel about marriage. Obviously, I'm not far enough out of being married to think about doing it again." For some reason this prompted this paper to run the headline "I'm Not Ready To Marry Jake." [Daily Mail]
• Heath Ledger's family issued a statement to say that a new book about the star contains "gross inaccuracies, false allegations and many incorrect and unsubstantiated comments." The unauthorized bio, written by a journalist, claims Ledger was mentally ill. [News.com.au]
• The world is weird: Shaquille O'Neal is on Twitter. [Observer]
• Holly Madison says she's wearing less makeup now and P. Hilton says she's lying through her fake teeth. [Perez Hilton]
• Paris Hilton went out without Benji Madden and "looked distraught and completely lonesome." Sniff. [People]
• As for Benji, he is not talking about the split. [E!]
• Have you seen Rosie O'Donnell's video response to Barbara Walters? [Perez Hilton]
• Fox's Roger Friedman says Rosie will get the last laugh, because her live variety show "should be an enormous hit." It's family-friendly and positive in its celebration of Broadway, New York, and the arts. Plus comedy is what Rosie excels at. [Fox 411]
• Michael Phelps: The new spokesperson for Subway sandwiches. Do you want him on whole wheat? [Perez Hilton]
• Is Michael Phelps off the market? He flew to Birmingham to see former Miss Alabama, Doree Walker, and they went to dinner and then to the zoo the next day. Roar. [MSNBC]
• New Lost trailer! And Sawyer and Juliet are holding hands. For like a split second. [E!]
• Josh Brolin, who plays Harvey Milk's assassin in Milk, says the story of Milk made him cry. [UPI]
• If you can understand this kerfluffle surrounding Bianca Jagger's lost ring and bankruptcy and an Austrian building magnate named Reinhard Ringler, please explain. [Daily Express]
• John Malkovich is making a documentary about the plight of migrant children who cross illegally into the U.S. It will be produced by Canana Films, a production company owned by Mexican actors Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal. [AP]
• Christina Ricci, Rosie Perez and Arsenio Hall will voice characters in The Hero of Color City, an animated film about a group of crayons that band together to stop a tyrant from robbing their world of color. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Katie "Jordan" Price in her underwear again, yawn. [Perez Hilton]
• Did New Kids On The Block's Donnie Wahlberg out suspected gay Jonathan Knight? [Perez Hilton]
• It's official: Jean Claude Van Damme hits on young female reporters. [23/6]
• John Cleese, 69, is dating a 27-year-old named Barbie. [The Sun]
• The headmistress of Oprah Winfrey's girls' school in South Africa, Nomvuyo Mzamane, has dropped her suit against The Huffington Post and a blogger she claimed falsely harmed her reputation. [Portƒolio]
• When it comes to cash, Bruce Willis is a die hard, heh: He invested $2 million in a Malaysian technology company and then withdrew his cash; they still owe him $900,000 and he's filed a court complaint. [AP]
• Former Senator Fred Thompson, who was on Law & Order and then tried running for president, is going back to acting. Anyone want to cast him? [AP]
• Success has made Leona Lewis "really, really lonely." Sad face! [Mirror]
• Linda Hogan was getting $40,000 a month in temporary alimony payments. Now she claims to be broke. She wants a court hearing to talk about getting more cash out of the Hulkster. [Perez Hilton]
• TRL's Damien Fahey has a new job, now that his MTV show is dead: He'll be a special correspondent for Extra. [Page Six]
• "That's debatable in Hollywood. There's the obvious answer: Angelina, for saving the planet with her adoptions and charity work." — Megan Fox, when asked who the Woman of the Year was. [E!]
• "[Four Christmases] is not for your children. It's PG-13. But my family always went to movies on Christmas Day – The Godfather, The Elephant Man. Your typical cheerful holiday fare. It's fun to go to the movies at Christmas and nice to be part of a movie that at least grown-ups and teenagers can see. Plus it means a lot when I get to have experiences where I meet young people and they say, 'You know, this is the movie that got me through a hard time' or, 'This is the movie I watch with my family.'" [Independent]
• "There are disco bands, rap bands, Yiddish folk song bands in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but not Kiss I believe we have more gold records in America than any other group, but it's OK." — Gene Simmons, bruised because his band's not in the Hall of Fame. [Reuters]
• "That would be really exciting if that does happen. I hope it does. There has been some talk about it but I think it's in its very early days. But I'm practicing by dressing as a pirate every day - just in case!" — Russell Brand, on playing Captain Jack Sparrow's brother in the new Pirates Of The Caribbean flick. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I did a photo shoot for her, and she suddenly took off her T-shirt to change into another and I was like, 'Damn!' She was so beautiful, elegant, classy and timeless, and there was something really exotic about it. Very few human beings have been that sexy and desirable. I wanted to say, 'You are sculpted by God.' I was like, wow." — Rosario Dawson on Iman. [Daily Express]
• "Our new president is really a person who came from a place where they told him he couldn’t be something, in a country where no one ever thought that we would see a black president, but now that we have a black president we understand that black people, white people, Asian people, Native Americans, Latinos, no matter what color you are, we all are one. Whatever you want to be you can be in this world. You just have to put your mind to it." — Common, to elementary school students in Georgia. [Concrete Loop]
• "I can drink most men under the table and be fine! And I get louder and giggly. Do I get more affectionate? Who doesn't?" — Sienna Miller. [Mirror]

• That guy Oprah was leaning on during the Election Day rally in Chicago — whom she thanked on her show, saying, "I don't know who you are, but thank you, Mr. Man!" — is named Sam Perry. He worked at the Silicon Valley Obama office. [Breitbart]
• Mr. Man will be on Oprah's show today! [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Speaking of Oprah, she may have delivered between 400,000 and 1.6 million primary votes for Obama. Someone better get to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom! [Newser, via ABC News]
• Will.i.am has a video celebrating Barack Obama's win, and it will debut on Oprah's show today. [USA Today]
• Radiohead's Thom Yorke was so psyched Bush is leaving office, he posted a free remix of a song in his website. [Rolling Stone]
• People waiting in a U.S. Customs queue at Kennedy Airport on Tuesday booed Naomi Campbell as she skipped the line, escorted by a passport-screening officer. Weren't they afraid of hurled cell phones? [Rush & Molloy]
• You know how Kim Cattrall said there would be a Sex And The City sequel? Sarah Jessica Parker says, "I'm thrilled to know Kim is excited but all the deals are not yet done." Me-ouch. [Daily Express, People]

• At Madonna's concert in L.A. last night, she said, "This song is for you girls out there that have had one of your best friends fuck your boyfriend!" Also: Britney sang with Madge, then Justin did. But Brit and Justin did not appear on stage together. [The Sun]
• Oh here's video of Madonna's "surprise" guest: Britney. Brit wore a white shirt and black trousers. Madonna was the one in the leotard. Apparently Britney and Justin "kept their distance." [E!]
• Wait: Justin and Britney have been in touch all along? Even through rehab? [MSNBC]
• Britney's mom's book, Through The Storm, is not exactly a best-seller. [Page Six]
• Oh, snap: Amy Winehouse has refused to pay £30,000 for her husband's rehab. She's also pissed he didn't tell her he was getting released; she found out from photographers. [The Sun]
• Whoa: Dave Chappelle will be on the Inside The Actors Studio 200th episode, helping James Lipton reminisce. [Yahoo News via E!, E!]
• Gossip from America's Next Top Model: Elina says, "I didn't know I bothered McKey so much. That was kind of weird to hear—I didn't know she had a problem with me!" Also, Elina is rooting for Marjorie. "Maybe I'm just being a little biased because she is one of my favorite people in the house, but I think she has a lot of modeling potential, and she's also a great person." [E!]
• David Beckham's been caught checking out cheerleaders for the fourth time. Marc Anthony, seated next to him at the Lakers game, took a gander as well. [Mirror]
• The quote we ran from Glamour about Nicole Kidman cowering in the background during her marriage to Tom Cruise is getting wider circulation. As a reminder, she said: "I didn't think [the early movies] were very good, which is why I would always cower in the background. I thought, I don't deserve to be here. We would go to the Oscars and I would think, I'm here to support him. I felt it was my job to put on a beautiful dress and be seen and not heard." [Sydney Morning Herald, News.com.au]
• Did you know this about Daniel Craig? He has been divorced since 1994 and has a teenage daughter from that marriage, but he doesn't like to discuss her. ("I've spent my whole career protecting her," he says. "As soon as I talk about it, that's out there.") [USA Today]
• Ooh, love this stuff: Rihanna's tour rider. She demands a professional makeup mirror, two Trish McEvoy candles, "good quality" tortilla chips, and "fire hot" crunchy Cheez Doodles. [The Smoking Gun]
• Laguna Beach star Jason Wahler has lost his civil case. He owes a tow truck driver — whom he punched in the face while shouting racial slurs — $5,000. And maybe an apology??? [AP]
• Lisa Bonet's back on TV in Life On Mars, but she says: "To have my face reinstated in minds and homes once a week was an intense decision." She doesn't like the paparazzi. "It feels like you're being stalked. As a shy person, that type of attention coming at me violates something. I don't like that it's expected to come with the territory." [People]
• Ew: Vanessa Minnillo back on TV. Hosting a reality beauty pageant show called True Beauty. The series will "determine the 'True Beauty' of six stunning females and four handsome males who will live together in a spectacular Los Angeles mansion as they undergo a series of challenges to determine who is truly the most beautiful." Vom. [Perez Hilton]
• First: A black president. Now: Will there be a black Doctor Who? Actor Colin Salmon is in talks to star on the BBC show. [The Sun]
• Ellen Pompeo and her husband, Chris Ivery, are celebrating their one-year anniversary with a trip to Vegas. Keep it clean, kids. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Sean William Scott says if he could have a dish named after him, it would be called "Seann William Scott Veal Scallopini With the Stifler Porcini Mushroom Risotto." And: "It would be served at Da Silvano, where all the models go. I'd like models to eat my dish to fatten them up a bit." [Page Six]
• Jack Black will star in a new version of Gulliver's Travels, playing a travel writer who gets lost in the Bermuda Triangle and washes up on an island of tiny people. He may or may not rock out with them. [Daily Express]
• Antonio Banderas is in talks to play Salvador Dali, in a flick that would blend music and CGI to be surreal. Sounds cool. [Daily Express]
• Milla Jovovich will star as an alcoholic former stripper in a coming of age comedy directed by William H. Macy. Intriguing! [Variety]
• Nick Nolte has joined the cast of My Own Love Song, starring Renee Zellweger and Forest Whitaker. The story follows a wheelchair-confined former singer and her friend during an enlightening road trip to Memphis. [Variety]
• Jada Pinkett Smith plays a hippo in Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa and says: "I've always wanted more body, so it was really fantastic that I got the opportunity to play such a gloriously hefty lady. It's always fun to crawl back into Gloria's skin. It's really rare that you get to play a character twice." [USA Today]
• News you can't use: Toby Keith shaves his armpits. [People]
• Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James, is being sued for fraud; some kind of clothing deal gone wrong. [Yahoo News]
• This is not a joke: Rick Astley was named the Best Act Ever at the MTV Europe Music Awards, as fans of the 1980s singer pulled off the biggest ever "Rickroll." [Telegraph]
• Daryl Hall and John Oates have filed a lawsuit over the rights to their 1982 hit "Maneater." Can't figure out if Nelly Furtado is involved or not. [AP]
• Taylor Swift is teaming up with Def Leppard, but first the guys from Def Leppard had to Google her. [AP]
• Taylor Swift is not knocked up. She says: "I read a very creative rumor this morning saying I'm pregnant, which is the most IMPOSSIBLE thing on the planet. Take my word for it. Impossible." [UPI]
• "When we both started releasing records, it was a funny time for me. It must have seemed as if we were competing with each other, but, in reality, Britney is someone that I used to hold hands with. We were silly little girls together on the Mickey Mouse Club. What a journey it has been for both of us! There have been so many stories about the two of us not getting along. We don't keep closely in touch with one another, and it's obvious how our lives have taken on two different directions. I don't pass any judgment on what she does. I always wish her all the best." —Christina Aguilera on Britney Spears. [Daily Mail]
• "They [doctors] suggest you kind of get on it before you're a certain age so that they can remove your ovaries. That definitely makes a big difference in my timetable. Everything has to be a process, though. It'll happen. It's just not gonna happen right now." — Christina Applegate, on having kids, despite being tested positive for a gene that increases the chances of ovarian cancer. [Daily Express]
• "Almost every statement that comes out of Hulk's mouth is a diversionary tactic to deflect attention away from the real reason Linda filed for divorce, two words: HULK'S CHEATING!" — Linda Hogan's publicist. [E!]
• "Most of us have no concern for the safety of others, to be honest with you. All the paparazzos are breaking the law, including trespassing, running lights, speeding down the opposite side of the street… We all know we are breaking the law, but it is worth the risk. Safety is not an issue with most of us." — from an interview last year with Alison Silva, the photographer who recently sued Keanu Reeves and lost. [Page Six]
• "I guess people care more about farm animals than they do their fellow man, that's really sad to me. Yes, I am glad that the chickens will have more room and better conditions as they wait to die, but I just think it's frightening that people show more compassion for tomorrow's dinner than for the chef. Yup, Miss Piggy and Chicken Little may rest easy, but gay people in Florida and California can no longer get married and gay couples in Arkansas can't adopt children. G-d forbid a loving family (regardless of sexual orientation) give a needy child a home!" — Sam Ronson, on the passing of Prop. 2 and Prop. 8. [People]
• "I know there are problems with my stomach. There are bumps on it, it's uneven, but it's not that bad. I like a tanned stomach so that's why I'm going to keep wearing a bikini. It's my choice." —Tara Reid, who vows she will not stop wearing two-piece swimsuits. [The Sun]