In today's Tweet Beat, Ryan Lochte is a human that exists, Albert Brooks has found a way to to end CNN's fear-mongering and is Allure trying to tell us something about Kerry Washington's lips?

Jessica Alba addressed her no-nudity clause in Glamour, and her reasoning is hella sensible: "I don't want my grandparents to see my boobs."

According to sources close to Miley Cyrus, she's written an apologetic "open letter" to ex-fiance Liam Hemsworth. What does the open letter say? Back off, busybodies—that's between Miley and Liam!!! What part of "open letter" don't you understand!? In related news, I think it's about time the entire earth has a…

For her next feat of strength, modern-day folk hero Diana Nyad will swim for 48 hours straight in a giant tank outside of Macy’s at Herald Square in New York, surrounded by celebrities and bitter jellyfish that have journeyed all the way up from Florida to see Nyad fail (tentacles crossed that she won’t).

In today's edition of Tweet Beat, not even Ryan Lochte's thoughts can keep him entertained, Joyce Carol Oates shares her very Joyce Carol Oatesian thoughts on Breaking Bad, and Tara Reid thinks that we all deserve a great week.

Sorry, all you many, many people who've been gnawing your fists off wondering just WHAT THE FUCK RYAN LOCHTE IS DOING—your chance to discover exactly what Ryan Lochte would do when Ryan Lochte does things has come to an end, as the E! channel has officially declined to continue documenting all of the many variegated…

Three days after Lady Gaga let it slip why she and Perez Hilton went from your garden variety co-dependent girl/gay guy friendship to Mortal Enemies, she's accused him of stalking her and her family outside their New York apartment via since-deleted tweets:

In today's Tweet Beat, Mindy Kaling gives Lena Dunham a pass, Anna Kendrick and Mara Wilson love one another and Ryan Lochte doesn't exactly break his silence because he doesn't really ever stop talking, but he certainly says something.

In today's edition of Tweet Beat, Paris Hilton experiences a waking nightmare :(, Ryan Lochte gets frustrated with toddlers that are probably smarter than him, and T-Pain might be more glasses obsessed than Elton John.

On last night's premiere of What Would Ryan Lochte Do? we learned more about the Olympic swimmer in 30 minutes than he's seemingly learned in all of his 28 years—which is to say: not much. However, we did discover that he doesn't know what a douchebag is, even though he's read (or is at least aware of) the Jezebel…

As Janet Jackson herself predicted in 2001: Maybe we'll meet at a bar / He'll drive a funky car / Maybe he'll be a Qatari-born retail billionaire / And I'll convert to Islam. Sure enough, rumor has it that Jackson has retired from show business for good and adopted the religion of her husband Wissam al-Mana, who she…

This morning Olympic gold medalist and famed sex idiot Ryan Lochte was working a press junket this morning—to promote his new reality show What Would Ryan Lochte Do?—when he made a Philadelphia morning talk show host, who had just interviewed him via satellite, laugh so hard at his stupidity that she cried and snorted.

Downton Abbey creator Julian Fellowes would have liked to give Matthew and Lady Mary Crawley a happier ending, but wasn't able to because Dan Stevens bailed so unceremoniously.

Ryan Lochte has created his own six-letter secret code to speak to intelligent life forms, Howard Stern is copping Danny DeVito's #trollfoot steez, and Amanda Bynes is twerking some issues out.

Oh god, oh god, it's finally here. Footage from the upcoming Ryan Lochte reality show, What Would Ryan Lochte Do? (premiering April 21), has arrived and I don't know why I ever thought this shit would be boring. Some of the things Ryan Lochte would do apparently include:

In what sounds rather like a Portlandia cameo gone wrong (or right!), Gossip frontwoman Beth Ditto was arrested on a drunk and disorderly charge in a Portland bar on Saturday night. Spoiler alert: It sounds like she was drunk and disorderly. She was cut off during the St. Patrick's Day festivities when the bartender…

While last night's Academy Awards didn't hold many surprises — Hathaway won and Seth MacFarlane said all of the things that the rest of us are too smart to — the evening did hold one very special treat with E! finally airing the first promo of Ryan Lochte's new reality series What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Cool title, E!…

While you were staggering home in a prosecco haze, celebrities were still out partying, and here's some post-Oscar nuggets for you to munch on. Okay, so yeah, Jennifer Lawrence fell down on her way to collect her Best Actress Oscar. We can perhaps attribute this to her previous confession that she was planning to get …