Russian Orthodox Christians Want a Total Ban on Abortion and IUDs

Orthodox Christian lawmakers in Russia passed a resolution this week during a meeting at Moscow's Christ the Savior Cathedral, saying they'll push for a change to the country's Constitution that will state that "life begins at the moment of conception," paving the way for a ban on abortion, emergency contraception and… » 11/18/14 11:45am 11/18/14 11:45am

Vladimir Putin Got a Little Too Cozy With the First Lady of China

Let me ask you something: What would you do if suddenly, unexpectedly, you found the arms of terrifying gun-toting, chest-bearing Russian president Vladimir Putin wrapping a shawl around your shoulders? Think fast! Because that's the position Chinese first lady Peng Liyuan recently found herself in. » 11/11/14 4:45pm 11/11/14 4:45pm

Grave Robber Digs Up Dozens of Dead Girls, Turns Bodies Into Dolls

Just in case you were having a pleasant day and needed to be reminded that basically everything in the world is terrible and that life is a meaningless void from which none of us are able to truly escape, here's a story about a man who dug up dead girls, turned them into dolls and stuck music boxes into their ribcages. » 10/30/14 1:10pm 10/30/14 1:10pm

Don't Ask This Russian Cosmonaut About Her Damn Hair

It's not just female politicians and CEOs—even cosmonauts can't escape questions about their stupid hair. (In space, no one can hear your misandrist screams.) Just ask Yelena Serova, who as of Thursday is the the fourth Russian woman in space. The media really wants to know about how she'll care for her tresses. » 9/26/14 2:00pm 9/26/14 2:00pm

Crimea Doesn't Need Gay People, Says De Facto Crimean Leader

Joining the ranks of other despotic leaders, the Kremlin's man on the Crimean peninsula has basically informed sexual minorities in Crimea they are "not needed," have "no chance" of being themselves and any public gathering by the queer community will be put down with police and military force. » 9/02/14 11:20pm 9/02/14 11:20pm

​Russian Bank Will Send a Cat To Your House if You Sign a Mortgage

One of Russia's largest banks has caught onto the global phenomenon (soon to be dictatorship) that is cats. In a new marketing scheme, Moscow-based Sberbank promises to send a cat over to your house for a couple hours if you sign a mortgage with them. That's right. They'll lend you some money, and then they'll lend… » 8/31/14 3:36pm 8/31/14 3:36pm

President Obama Wears the Ugliest Effing Suit America Has Ever Seen

President Obama is having a rough time— Isis beheading a journalist, Ferguson, Mo.'s shit show, Israel vs. Palestine, Russia invading the Ukraine, displaced immigrant children and bombing in Libya— but let’s talk about his suit. Yesterday, the POTUS wore a tan ensemble during a conference that was reportedly… » 8/29/14 11:30am 8/29/14 11:30am

The Last Thing Putin Needs Is to 'Man Up'

Over the weekend, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), appearing on CNN's State of the Union, remarked that Russian president Vladimir Putin needed to "man up." What Feinstein meant, of course, is that Putin needs to grow up because manning up is the last thing that this bear-wrestling, gun-shooting shirtless horse… » 7/21/14 6:40pm 7/21/14 6:40pm

​Looters Ransack MH17 Debris Because Humanity is the Worst

It's been two days since Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 was tragically shot down by a surface-to-air "Buk" missile near the border of Ukraine and Russia, killing all 298 aboard, sparking outrage and adding fuel to a seemingly never-ending blame game. It's widely assumed that Russian separatists were responsible, but… » 7/19/14 12:10pm 7/19/14 12:10pm

Russia's Anti-Gay Lobby Flips Lid Over Eurovision's Bearded Drag Queen

This past Saturday, a bearded angel named Conchita Wurst touched down upon Earth to compete in and win Eurovision. The singing drag queen — technically from Austria and not the heavens — stole the hearts of voters and viewers the world over, but not everyone is a fan. In fact, some are even heralding her as "the end… » 5/12/14 1:40pm 5/12/14 1:40pm

Bearded Drag Queen Takes Eurovision Song Contest by Storm

Meet Conchita Wurst, Austria's competitor in this year's Eurovision Song Contest — which is a popular televised event in which European countries soothe international tensions through the healing power of song and dance (like Glee, but with geopolitics). Conchita has all of the trappings of a star: a beautiful voice,… » 5/09/14 2:00pm 5/09/14 2:00pm

Two Birds, One Stone: Sanctions on Russia Might Put a Stop to Miley

Time to sit down and figure out what's happening in the Crimea, America, because it's finally got something to do with self-appointed Ambassador of Twerk Miley Cyrus. She's booked to perform at a sold-out venue in Finland, but the gig could run into trouble with newly instituted U.S. sanctions on Russia. » 4/03/14 10:00am 4/03/14 10:00am