Grave Robber Digs Up Dozens of Dead Girls, Turns Bodies Into Dolls

Just in case you were having a pleasant day and needed to be reminded that basically everything in the world is terrible and that life is a meaningless void from which none of us are able to truly escape, here's a story about a man who dug up dead girls, turned them into dolls and stuck music boxes into their ribcages. » 10/30/14 1:10pm Today 1:10pm

Don't Ask This Russian Cosmonaut About Her Damn Hair

It's not just female politicians and CEOs—even cosmonauts can't escape questions about their stupid hair. (In space, no one can hear your misandrist screams.) Just ask Yelena Serova, who as of Thursday is the the fourth Russian woman in space. The media really wants to know about how she'll care for her tresses. » 9/26/14 2:00pm 9/26/14 2:00pm

Crimea Doesn't Need Gay People, Says De Facto Crimean Leader

Joining the ranks of other despotic leaders, the Kremlin's man on the Crimean peninsula has basically informed sexual minorities in Crimea they are "not needed," have "no chance" of being themselves and any public gathering by the queer community will be put down with police and military force. » 9/02/14 11:20pm 9/02/14 11:20pm

​Russian Bank Will Send a Cat To Your House if You Sign a Mortgage

One of Russia's largest banks has caught onto the global phenomenon (soon to be dictatorship) that is cats. In a new marketing scheme, Moscow-based Sberbank promises to send a cat over to your house for a couple hours if you sign a mortgage with them. That's right. They'll lend you some money, and then they'll lend… » 8/31/14 3:36pm 8/31/14 3:36pm

President Obama Wears the Ugliest Effing Suit America Has Ever Seen

President Obama is having a rough time— Isis beheading a journalist, Ferguson, Mo.'s shit show, Israel vs. Palestine, Russia invading the Ukraine, displaced immigrant children and bombing in Libya— but let’s talk about his suit. Yesterday, the POTUS wore a tan ensemble during a conference that was reportedly… » 8/29/14 11:30am 8/29/14 11:30am

The Last Thing Putin Needs Is to 'Man Up'

Over the weekend, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), appearing on CNN's State of the Union, remarked that Russian president Vladimir Putin needed to "man up." What Feinstein meant, of course, is that Putin needs to grow up because manning up is the last thing that this bear-wrestling, gun-shooting shirtless horse… » 7/21/14 6:40pm 7/21/14 6:40pm

​Looters Ransack MH17 Debris Because Humanity is the Worst

It's been two days since Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 was tragically shot down by a surface-to-air "Buk" missile near the border of Ukraine and Russia, killing all 298 aboard, sparking outrage and adding fuel to a seemingly never-ending blame game. It's widely assumed that Russian separatists were responsible, but… » 7/19/14 12:10pm 7/19/14 12:10pm

Russia's Anti-Gay Lobby Flips Lid Over Eurovision's Bearded Drag Queen

This past Saturday, a bearded angel named Conchita Wurst touched down upon Earth to compete in and win Eurovision. The singing drag queen — technically from Austria and not the heavens — stole the hearts of voters and viewers the world over, but not everyone is a fan. In fact, some are even heralding her as "the end… » 5/12/14 1:40pm 5/12/14 1:40pm

Bearded Drag Queen Takes Eurovision Song Contest by Storm

Meet Conchita Wurst, Austria's competitor in this year's Eurovision Song Contest — which is a popular televised event in which European countries soothe international tensions through the healing power of song and dance (like Glee, but with geopolitics). Conchita has all of the trappings of a star: a beautiful voice,… » 5/09/14 2:00pm 5/09/14 2:00pm

Two Birds, One Stone: Sanctions on Russia Might Put a Stop to Miley

Time to sit down and figure out what's happening in the Crimea, America, because it's finally got something to do with self-appointed Ambassador of Twerk Miley Cyrus. She's booked to perform at a sold-out venue in Finland, but the gig could run into trouble with newly instituted U.S. sanctions on Russia. » 4/03/14 10:00am 4/03/14 10:00am

Russian Dairy Workers Take a Break in the Milk

Russian dairy workers have given new meaning to the term “milk bath.” A foolish, and probably drunk, nearly nude foursome decided to soak in a large vat of milk at their Trade House Cheese plant over New Year's and they would’ve gotten away with it too … if it wasn’t for Artyom Romanov. Romanov, one of the workers,… » 3/28/14 6:45pm 3/28/14 6:45pm

Lithuania Could Ban Pride Events, Cites "Family Values" "Morals"

Former Soviet Republic Lithuania is getting in on the discrimination game with a vote in parliament on imposing fines for LGBT activities. National anti-gay "propaganda" legislation isn't just for Vladimir Putin and the Russian Federation anymore! Unsurprisingly, the proposed legislation doesn't differ much at all… » 3/12/14 10:01pm 3/12/14 10:01pm

Seemingly Drunk Alaska Woman Has Angry Thoughts on Obama's 'Mom Jeans'

Sarah Palin — America's drunkest conservative aunt — sat down with Sean Hannity (America's blowhard-iest Irish uncle) recently to talk about Russia's deployment of troops in Ukraine, a situation she warned you liberals and democrats about over four years ago, only to be met with LAUGHTER and MOCKING. (To be fair, it… » 3/04/14 1:10pm 3/04/14 1:10pm