​Russian Bank Will Send a Cat To Your House if You Sign a Mortgage

One of Russia's largest banks has caught onto the global phenomenon (soon to be dictatorship) that is cats. In a new marketing scheme, Moscow-based Sberbank promises to send a cat over to your house for a couple hours if you sign a mortgage with them. That's right. They'll lend you some money, and then they'll lend… » 8/31/14 3:36pm Sunday 3:36pm

President Obama Wears the Ugliest Effing Suit America Has Ever Seen

President Obama is having a rough time— Isis beheading a journalist, Ferguson, Mo.'s shit show, Israel vs. Palestine, Russia invading the Ukraine, displaced immigrant children and bombing in Libya— but let’s talk about his suit. Yesterday, the POTUS wore a tan ensemble during a conference that was reportedly… » 8/29/14 11:30am Friday 11:30am

The Last Thing Putin Needs Is to 'Man Up'

Over the weekend, Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), appearing on CNN's State of the Union, remarked that Russian president Vladimir Putin needed to "man up." What Feinstein meant, of course, is that Putin needs to grow up because manning up is the last thing that this bear-wrestling, gun-shooting shirtless horse… » 7/21/14 6:40pm 7/21/14 6:40pm

​Looters Ransack MH17 Debris Because Humanity is the Worst

It's been two days since Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 was tragically shot down by a surface-to-air "Buk" missile near the border of Ukraine and Russia, killing all 298 aboard, sparking outrage and adding fuel to a seemingly never-ending blame game. It's widely assumed that Russian separatists were responsible, but… » 7/19/14 12:10pm 7/19/14 12:10pm

Russia's Anti-Gay Lobby Flips Lid Over Eurovision's Bearded Drag Queen

This past Saturday, a bearded angel named Conchita Wurst touched down upon Earth to compete in and win Eurovision. The singing drag queen — technically from Austria and not the heavens — stole the hearts of voters and viewers the world over, but not everyone is a fan. In fact, some are even heralding her as "the end… » 5/12/14 1:40pm 5/12/14 1:40pm

Bearded Drag Queen Takes Eurovision Song Contest by Storm

Meet Conchita Wurst, Austria's competitor in this year's Eurovision Song Contest — which is a popular televised event in which European countries soothe international tensions through the healing power of song and dance (like Glee, but with geopolitics). Conchita has all of the trappings of a star: a beautiful voice,… » 5/09/14 2:00pm 5/09/14 2:00pm

Two Birds, One Stone: Sanctions on Russia Might Put a Stop to Miley

Time to sit down and figure out what's happening in the Crimea, America, because it's finally got something to do with self-appointed Ambassador of Twerk Miley Cyrus. She's booked to perform at a sold-out venue in Finland, but the gig could run into trouble with newly instituted U.S. sanctions on Russia. » 4/03/14 10:00am 4/03/14 10:00am

Russian Dairy Workers Take a Break in the Milk

Russian dairy workers have given new meaning to the term “milk bath.” A foolish, and probably drunk, nearly nude foursome decided to soak in a large vat of milk at their Trade House Cheese plant over New Year's and they would’ve gotten away with it too … if it wasn’t for Artyom Romanov. Romanov, one of the workers,… » 3/28/14 6:45pm 3/28/14 6:45pm

Lithuania Could Ban Pride Events, Cites "Family Values" "Morals"

Former Soviet Republic Lithuania is getting in on the discrimination game with a vote in parliament on imposing fines for LGBT activities. National anti-gay "propaganda" legislation isn't just for Vladimir Putin and the Russian Federation anymore! Unsurprisingly, the proposed legislation doesn't differ much at all… » 3/12/14 10:01pm 3/12/14 10:01pm

Seemingly Drunk Alaska Woman Has Angry Thoughts on Obama's 'Mom Jeans'

Sarah Palin — America's drunkest conservative aunt — sat down with Sean Hannity (America's blowhard-iest Irish uncle) recently to talk about Russia's deployment of troops in Ukraine, a situation she warned you liberals and democrats about over four years ago, only to be met with LAUGHTER and MOCKING. (To be fair, it… » 3/04/14 1:10pm 3/04/14 1:10pm

The Reign of the Sochi Nightmare Critters Is Finally Over

SOCHI, RUSSIA - FEBRUARY 23: Olympic mascots the Hare, the Polar Bear and the Leopard stand by the extinguished Olympic flame during the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics Closing Ceremony at Fisht Olympic Stadium on February 23, 2014 in Sochi, Russia. The three giant animals will be dismembered and then fed, limb by fuzzy… » 2/23/14 2:30pm 2/23/14 2:30pm

Flames and Chaos Erupt in Kiev as 21 Die in Police Raid on Protest

The months-long standoff between Ukraine's strongarm pro-Russian president and opposition protesters in the streets of Kiev, the capital, has turned grisly in recent hours, with 18 deaths reported in clashes between police and the demonstrators. This gripping livestream is being broadcast from Kiev's main square: » 2/18/14 3:49pm 2/18/14 3:49pm