Justin Bieber Won't Take DUI Plea Deal Because Drug Testing

Justin Bieber is prepared to reject a plea deal prosecutors have offered in his Miami Beach drunk drag racing escapades., mostly because he's unwilling to submit to random drug testing, mostly because he smokes a lot of weed, mostly because hobbies that 19-year-old millionaires specialize in such as sex, video games,… » 2/23/14 11:30am 2/23/14 11:30am

Noted Word Thief Shia LaBeouf Storms Out of Berlin Press Conference

Shia LaBeouf, that dust devil of celebrity angst, swirled out of a press conference in Berlin for Lars von Trier's new sex movie Nymphomaniac after a reporter asked him a seemingly obvious question about doing a movie with so many sex scenes. LaBeouf, apparently nonplussed by the sex query, gave a characteristically… » 2/09/14 11:30am 2/09/14 11:30am

Canadian Rapscallion Justin Bieber Should Be Deported, Says American…

Justin Bieber, the Menace from Manitoba, the Villain of Vancouver, the Cretin in Calgary, the Lawbreaker from London (that one is actually accurate) should be kicked out of the United States, a country whose innocence he has, with his loose Canadian morals and possible SOCIALIST sympathies, officially destroyed as of… » 2/02/14 2:00pm 2/02/14 2:00pm

Apparent Stalker Arrested Creeping Around Selena Gomez's House

Being a celebrity is probably awesome about 85 percent of the time. Then there's the time you spend fending off photographers or, on more frightening occasions, stalkers, and it almost makes languishing in your money pool and having Brad Pitt's number saved on your iPhone as "Pittstains" seem like poor consolation prizes … » 1/26/14 11:30am 1/26/14 11:30am

North Korea Pitchman Dennis Rodman Checks Into Rehab

Clutching a badly frayed passport and a Nike duffel, former rebounding legend and Michael Jordan acquaintance Dennis Rodman entered a rehab facility in New Jersey. The trip to rehab comes after the latest of Rodman's slumber parties with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un and an ugly meltdown in front of CNN reporter » 1/19/14 11:30am 1/19/14 11:30am

Madonna and Adele Will Team Up to Write Ballads for Old People

Put all your plans on hold and start rearranging your future schedule around the release of an entire album of "grown-up ballads" that Madonna will be writing and recording with help from a very special collaborator (and the Super Bowl co-performer of her dreams), Adele. » 1/12/14 11:30am 1/12/14 11:30am

Did Stephen Moyer Accidentally Spill the Beans on a True Blood Movie?

Let us ponder this rumor with a quietly shitting Eric Northman. If you've hung in there with True Blood this far, congratulations — you have the television stamina of a silverback gorilla, which I guess means you have a lot of stamina. Your dedication to a series that often oscillates between frenzied, nonsensical… » 1/11/14 5:45pm 1/11/14 5:45pm

Detectives Really Want Justin Bieber to Be Charged with Felony Egging

Minor Batman villain Justin Bieber allegedly savaged a neighbor's house with chicken ovulation, which was probably both a paradigm-shifting event for the neighbor's 13-year-old daughter AND a felony. » 1/11/14 11:30am 1/11/14 11:30am

Here’s Your Daily Dose of Wild Wonder Woman Speculation

It's Sunday, the Earth is revolving around our faithful yellow star even as it bombards us with ultraviolet radiation, and somewhere in Hollywood a costume designer is drawing batnipples on rough sketches of Ben Affleck's naked torso — we are due for some more wild Batman vs. Superman speculation. More specifically, we … » 1/05/14 3:00pm 1/05/14 3:00pm

Lindsay Lohan Is Writing a Book About Rehab, Obviously

Lindsay Lohan, your favorite movie star who no longer does movies (after Christian Slater, obviously), is now doing books. Apparently, several publishers are really interested in a book project Lindz started working on in rehab — a YA series about a young paleontologist who finds a portal in the Natural History Museum… » 12/15/13 11:30am 12/15/13 11:30am

The Great Nick Cannon Jewelry Heist Sounds Like It Was Super-Easy

Desperate to hang out with OMG NICK CANNON STAR OF DRUMLINE, a bag of jewelry from Fred Segal (a fancy store) agreed to hang out with a guy who introduced himself as A Friend of International Celebrity Nick Cannon, Star of Drumline, only to realize too late that this supposed Cannon confidant was really an impostor… » 11/17/13 11:00am 11/17/13 11:00am

Semi-Rational Tom Cruise Didn't Really Compare Acting to Soldiering

Yesterday, word spread that ageless human branding mechanism Tom Cruise had been quoted comparing his job (as a punch-kicking thespian who has the most demonstrative "running really fast face" in Hollywood) to that of a soldier. In Afghanistan. Cool story, bro, sneered the Internet, as everyone was collectively grateful… » 11/10/13 11:00am 11/10/13 11:00am

Unlike His Collaborator Barneys, Jay Z Wants to Avoid 'Snap Judgments'

People are pretty frustrated that Jay Z hasn't yet ended his clothing deal with Barneys New York in the wake of allegations that the retailer harassed and detained two shoppers simply for being black and buying expensive things. Jay Z, however, is so far unmoved by the mounting fury of the New York media, insisting… » 10/27/13 11:00am 10/27/13 11:00am

Vanity Fair May Discuss Gwyneth Paltrow's Extramarital Gooping

A new sodium-laced report about the GOOP-y bombshell Vanity Fair is about to drop in its Gwyneth Paltrow cover story next month may have the answer as to why the actress has been feuding with the magazine and warning her friends to decline requests for quotes or comments about the story: the writer for the piece is… » 10/19/13 11:15am 10/19/13 11:15am

Rihanna's Slow Loris Selfie Leads to Arrest of Exotic Animal Sellers

It was really just a matter of time before Rihanna's notorious Instagram account helped police solve an international crime, wasn't it? There's always so much going on in her pictures, from giant spliff-lighting to exotic-animal caressing — eventually, one of those Instagrams was going to reveal, Blow-Up-style, a dead… » 9/22/13 11:30am 9/22/13 11:30am

An Ornery Jon Gosselin Allegedly Fired 'Warning Shot' at Photographer

Not only has Jon "Davy Crockett" Gosselin dropped off the grid somewhere in rural Pennsylvania, there's a rumor going 'round that he just recently took a break from waiting tables to threaten a photographer with a gun after that photographer accidentally/on purpose followed him on his property. To the TMZ rumor machine! » 9/21/13 11:30am 9/21/13 11:30am

Celebrity Scientologists Had a Huge Party Last Night...in Space!!

Last night, the Church of Scientology held its 44th Anniversary Gala — nicknamed the "huh, I didn't realize that person was a Scientologist" mixer — in Los Angeles. Tom Cruise was apparently busy piloting Xenu's personal DC-8 into the far reaches of the galaxy, but Scientology backup quarterback John Travolta was on-hand … » 8/25/13 11:30am 8/25/13 11:30am