Jezebel 
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New York, 2:10 PM
Tue Dec 22
61 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/17/09
The movie was very, very quiet, and I couldn't hear what the characters were saying. I shot them nasty glances, and they'd shut up for about eight seconds. I finally got sick of it, and turned to say, "Guys, honestly---that is SO distracting. If you want to have a conversation, you should just leave."
They were totally stunned and looked like I'd just executed a puppy in front of them. Not to get all "Kids Today," but it does seem like there are some people (regardless of age) who never seemed to have had to learn boundaries. They just think that any behavior they wish to engage in is also okay for a public forum. "It's my right!" etc.
Yes. We all have rights. But we also have responsibilities to be good citizens. Watch as much porn as you want, but don't shove it in my face in a public space. You want to have a noisy, annoying conversation? Fine. But don't expect me to sit there and let you do it comfortably. The sense of entitlement is mind-boggling. #etiquette
11/17/09
And the dude basically sitting beside little kids and allowing them to watch a pornographic cartoon?
That's fucking criminal (Isn't it?!!)
The airline staff should have moved that guy away from children, away from everyone if possible.
If some perv did that around my kids...
Etiquette would be off the table*.
I'm considered to be a gentle, understanding person. (I've been told this by friends, family, and strangers.) But, if you do something inappropriate around my kids, I will first cut you with words. And if that doesn't work, I will actually cut you.
11/17/09
I try to keep them quietly entertained (food, esp. small things like raisins b/c they take longer to eat, toys, dvd, books, colors....).
I absolutely forbid kicking/pushing seats. I enforce no touching other people or their belongings, no crowding their neighbor. I do my best to keep them quiet (indoor voices, bribes so they won't cry,...)
I let them fall asleep on me in positions that make my arms go numb and my neck stiff (while I pray to a god I don't believe in for time to pass quickly because I don't want my kids to wake up cranky and loud.)
And honestly, my little guys (age 2 & 7) have learned to be extremely well-behaved travelers for their ages.
Our one lingering problem:
I try to keep the little one from looking over the back of seats, but sometimes, I have to let that one go. I will apologize to the person behind me. I still enforce the no jumping rule. But, if looking around the cabin keeps a toddler from being disruptive....
yeah...sorry person behind us. You may be watched by a curious baby.
(Honestly, most people seem to think its cute. Or they are good at faking it.) #etiquette
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and yes, i know for many it's a whole 'i get car sick' thing, but when the train is crowded, you can either sit the wrong way or stand the entire time. i'll take sitting the wrong way. besides, the train doesn't sell standing room only seats. #etiquette
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Anyone who talks or texts for a prolonged time (30 or more seconds) in a class or theatre (for some reason other than an emergency) should have to refund every person for every minute they were on the phone. #etiquette
11/17/09
But once, I was riding the Metro when a woman a few seats down from mine started clipping her fingernails with one of those little lever-clippers. The pieces were just falling to the floor, and there was that very distinctive clipping noise. She did it for ages, and eventually a woman sitting across from us noticed the noise, and got this incredulous look on her face. We both shared a glance, that required no translating to be read as, "I KNOW, right?" It was probably the only time I connected with anyone on public transportation in Prague. Even the time some historical re-enactors got on with a REALLY HUGE HOODED BIRD on one arm, everyone just ignored them and said nothing. Sometimes a little rudeness greases the wheels to be social with others. #etiquette
11/17/09
My mother was visiting me in NYC, we were on the train to the Brooklyn museum when some crazy guy got into it with the conductor. Hitting the doors, screaming at him etc, this was a full train. The conductor stopped the train and locked us all in with him, ostensibly to call the police. Well the guy was wise, and opened the door connecting the train cars and hopped out onto the platform to flip off the conductor.
The looks all of us gave each other on the train while it was happening were like what you were describing. My mother, living in a small town, found it so interesting that you could instantly be connected to all these strangers on the subway. #etiquette
11/16/09
11/17/09
Also, HELLO, I am the only person between you and your booze, Mr. Belvedere-up-with-a-lime! If you snap your fingers at me or avoid eye contact with my any more, I can and will fart on your drink.
11/17/09
As I said in another thread, I did sometimes forget to tip bartenders when I lived in the US, but thankfully always had friends around to remind me and felt super guilty about it. It's hard to remember to do if you've never done it before! :( #etiquette
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Then when the bartender keeps ignoring me in favor of the finger-snapping, pushy bitch next to me I remember: Oh wait, she's 20 and hot. SHE can be as rude as she wants to.
Of course, she leaves a lousy tip. Which is how karma works when bartenders decide who to serve based on their hipness/hotness. #etiquette
11/17/09
Eye contact, money VISIBLY in hand, always have your order ready and tip well. People like this always get first priority with me.
The biggest tippers jump to the front of the line ALWAYS. Then again, people who tip well usually follow all the other rules too. #etiquette
11/17/09
New York, in particular, is full of waitstaff and bartenders who decide who to serve based on their looks, their youth, their overall "hipness." This is why I hang out in pubs with proper barmen. #etiquette
11/17/09
I worked for years in NYC, and find it hard to believe people get served based on hipness. I worked everywhere from bars to clubs to lounges and served people based on
a. if I knew who was there first, they got served
b. if they tipped well previously
c. regular customers
d. someone who LOOKS ready to order [no cell phone, not chatting it up with a group of people, looking at me, getting as close to the bar as possible and yes, MONEY in hand]
Perhaps there are bartenders looking to get laid and try to hookup "pretty girls" but when I'm working, like the vast majority of bartenders I know, I try to maximize the money I make. Pretty young girls are not known for being great tippers.
11/16/09
The same goes for people sneezing on public transport. It is not okay to sneeze onto your fellow passengers or onto your hand and then grab the rail. There is a freaking national health campaign in the UK devoted to getting people to sneeze into the crook of their arms. I think it is terrible that people who are SO lucky to live in a country where the vast majority of their healthcare is free, cannot even complete simple acts of basic personal hygiene to keep themselves and their compatriots healthy.
Sorry if that sounds ranty. (I am a Canadian; therefore, I apologize a lot.) #etiquette
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She is also convinced that antibacterial soaps will be the end of civilisation, since they're all throughout the water supply now and as a result we will all be killed by an antibacterial-resistant superbug! #etiquette
11/17/09
I maintain a clean kitchen/house without the need for anti-bacterial products. I dread the idea of breeding increasingly more antibiotic resistent bacteria because of moderns societys obsession with germs. #etiquette
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As I read this, I was reminded of the best lesson I ever learned, the philosophy of the culture and neighborhood I grew up in. And that is: Mind'yer Business. #etiquette
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I spent last summer in DC so I know some of the things to mention (pole leaners must die), but I would love to get some additional advice from DC natives. Or dwellers of other large cities. What say you Jezzies? #etiquette
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Do not stop at the bottom of stairs or escalators. Move out of the way if you need to regroup and figure out where you're going.
This is a pet peeve, and I know it's hard in big groups, but on the metro, try to keep conversation tones moderate during rush hour. People are just trying to get to work without a headache.
Obey the walk signs in the crosswalks. Do not cross with a large group if you don't have time to do so-- you will get honked at, and you will cause a traffic jam.
Related: Watch out for buses.
Hope you guys have a great trip! #etiquette
11/16/09
Some questions: What happens to escalator etiquette when the escalator is broken? I would think faster people to the left, but this is soooo not been my experience. Also, please elaborate on acceptable blackberry/cellphone behavior. I found that people in the DC metro area had a very different sense of work life balance than Minnesotans do. Is Blackberry on the table during dinner really acceptable? Also, where is the line for networking douchbaggery. I would be talking to someone at some random happy hour for .5 seconds when they would whip out their card and start talking about how awesome they were. It is all about who you know, but how soon is too soon to put on the "I would like you to get me a job one day" kind of pressure? #etiquette
11/16/09
The networking vibe is intense in DC. And social events aren't really social unless you're just with friends. It is still considered unacceptable to answer a call at the table in a restaurant at dinner, but lunches are fair game. Every lunch is a working lunch. People will be full out answering email in the middle of a sit-down lunch. Just the nature of a 24 hour work day. Most of the downtown restaurants encourage a little more decorum in the evenings (thank god). #etiquette
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My advice for networking happy hours is to be lowkey. Go into them with the attitude of, maybe I'll meet a few cool people who I will run into again at some point. I HATE nametag surfing, it's VERY obvious, and most people can see right through it. #etiquette
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I consider his behavior borderline rude, he says he's just not one for small talk. I say small talk greases the wheel of life and makes these little public exchanges go just a wee bit smoother and makes people feel momentarily happy (or at least, not angry). With so much free-floating rudeness around, why not be the one nice person someone encounters? If nothing else, it's good karma. #etiquette
11/16/09
11/16/09
A "friend" of mine used to endlessly embarrass me when we would go out to dinner. The server would forget that he wanted water with no ice, or would not cook his steak the right way, or whathaveyou, and he would always throw a shit fit, bitching them out under his breath and hissing. One time, we were at a swanky restaurant (which we ended up leaving because I accidentally dropped the f-bomb in front of 3 6-year-olds, which I was embarrassed beyond belief and apologized for my drunken slip-up), and he ordered his whiskey "neat" and the server actually got it. Thank god, because he was going to be an asshole if it came back on the rocks. :( We are no longer friends, thank god.
My friend, a different one (jeez, I'm just full of boring anecdotes today!), can't make small talk at all. I think we all need to learn to do it to some extent. It's just polite. We all know that Cash Register Worker doesn't give a shit about your day, she's asking because she has to. Be nice! It's not so hard. I make small talk with anyone who talks to me, really, and I find that it gets me better service, anyway. #etiquette
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I totally agree with the idea that being gratuitously rude to waiters is a glaring sign that someone is just an asshole in general. #etiquette
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Him: I LOATHE when people ask how I am when they say hello. Like "Hi! How are you?" I HATE that.
Me: Why?
Him: Because no one ever means it.
Me: Some people do.
Him: Most don't.
Me: What would you prefer people say?
Him: Nothing. Let's just acknowledge that we don't care about each other.
Me: Yes. Ignoring and not caring about one another is how we as a society have moved past screeching primates.
Insert any variation of that conversation into my life at least once every other month. #etiquette
11/16/09
I've gotten much better at it with effort and practice, but in my head it still just seems like it would be so much more efficient to cut to the chase and give my order without all the other expected social customs.
Though I have learned that there really is a benefit to it all (beyond the self-serving ones), and it's nice to make people happy or at least have a slightly less crappy day.
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But what I was going to say is there's an old adage that says, "You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she treats the waiter." #etiquette
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My other friend is very similar to your boyfriend - just comes off as cold. He doesn't have a disability, but he just reads as "unfriendly". Once you get to know him, he loosens up, but it takes awhile, and small talk makes him so uncomfortable. #etiquette
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