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Prince Harry's Maybe-Future-Fiancée Is Made Of Mystery and Scrunchies

Cressida Bonas is dating Prince Harry. This ostensibly makes her interesting, or, at least, more interesting than a Normal like you or I, and ostensibly means that now, in anticipation of her possibly marrying Prince Harry at some indeterminate point in the future, there are Facts about her that we must know.… »12/26/13 6:30pm12/26/13 6:30pm

Kate Middleton Brutally Kills a Zillion Dumb Baby Weight Loss Articles

Ever since Kate Middleton gave birth to Baby King George this July, tabloid writers have been eagerly sharpening their cattiest claws in preparation for snarking on the Royal's post-baby body. Kate even rhymes with WEIGHT, you guys! And her last name contains the word "TON!" THIS WILL BE THE MEANEST POST-BABY… »9/23/13 3:25pm9/23/13 3:25pm

Baby King George's Nursery Will Be 'Africa Themed'

Proud new father Prince William told CNN that he and Kate Middleton's child — the Baby King of England — will spend his helpless infant days in a nursery decorated with the theme of "Africa." It's important to note here that when I say "Africa," I don't mean like all the terrible stuff that the British monarchy has… »8/22/13 9:30am8/22/13 9:30am

‘Royal Crier’ Who Announced Baby King's Birth Just a Freelance Weirdo

When that red-faced becostumed gentleman announced the birth of Prince William and Duchess Kate's baby boy by holding a scroll and yelling, I remember thinking, Is this the IRL Wee Willy Winkie? followed by Boy is the monarchy both charming and weird and outdated. Well, folks — I have to issue a thought retraction.… »7/24/13 9:30pm7/24/13 9:30pm

Royals Can Stop Pretending They Were Fine with a Girl, Says Tina Brown

Not to be outdone by CNN's totally misunderstood royalty expert correspondent — THIS IS HER CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL! — British science and magazine-ruining expert Tina Brown weighed in on the birth of the royal baby yesterday by praising Kate Middleton on her expert son-producing loins. "Now the royals can stop pretending… »7/23/13 10:00am7/23/13 10:00am

Dead Weirdo Was Stalking Queen of England This Whole Time

Robert James Moore was simple American with a simple dream — to love and cherish Queen Elizabeth as providence intended. And when Queen Elizabeth wasn't receptive to his amorous overtures, hundreds of "strange and offensive" packages containing tokens of his affection in the form of 600-page letters and obscene… »10/03/11 6:00pm10/03/11 6:00pm