She Feels Bad About Her Necklace

Obama Ladies Catch Beyoncé; Perez Apologizes

• Michelle Obama and "first tweens" Malia and Sasha skipped the health care talk President Obama gave on ABC last night and went to a Beyoncé concert instead.

Polish Catholics Protest Madonna; Danny Drunk Again On Morning TV

• Catholics in Poland are urging the government there to cancel Madonna's August 15 concert, saying…

Lindsay's Meltdown; Angie & Brad's Wedding Plans; Pete Doherty's Arrest

• Lindsay Lohan had a "meltdown" in a club in London, which involved saying:

Britney Throws An Alcohol-Free Circus, Iggy Pop Trashes Billy Corgan, And Jay-Z Kills Autotune

• VIP guests at Britney Spears' recent London gig weren't too happy when they discovered that Britney had declared the backstage to be a alcohol free area as a result of "her problems with alcohol." [TheSun]

No Exclusive On Heidi & Spencer's Wedding Pix

• El oh el: It appears none of the celebrity weeklies have bought exclusive rights to pictures of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt's wedding this weekend.

Slumdog Star's Dad Didn't Try To Sell Her; Madonna Still Caring For Mercy

• Indian police say they have not found any evidence to support allegations that Slumdog Millionaire star Rubina Ali's dad tried to sell her. [The Guardian, People]

Jennifer Hudson: Mom-To-Be?

• Gossipeuse Janet Charlton claims Jennifer Hudson is knocked up. JHud is currently on tour; her fiancé, "Punk" from I Love New York, is training to become a professional wrestler. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]

"Lovelorn" Jen Aniston Throwing Herself At Gerard Butler?

• This report calls Jennifer Aniston "lovelorn" and "notoriously unlucky-in-love" but explains that she has "set her sights" on Gerard Butler, which is "cause for renewed optimism." What does all this really mean? It's simple:

Rihanna's Back In The Islands; Madonna Will Appeal Adoption Decision

• Rihanna was in Hollywood earlier this week, then she went to New York, got in a fender bender, and had someone else deal with the accident while she drove away in another car. Now?

Rihanna Gets Some R&R

• Rihanna is currently on a beach in Mexico, and this picture on the cover of the NY Daily News is the first we've seen of her in a long while. [NY Daily News]

Britney's Crew Spends The Day In Court

• Britney's hairdresser and bodyguard testified today about Sam Lutfi's attempts to convince Britney that her family was conspiring to gain control over her. In another courtroom, Adnan Ghalib pled not guilty to felony charges.

Michael Jackson Sued For Profits From Thriller

• Michael Jackson is supposed to share 50% of the profits from the Thriller video with director John Landis, but now he's suing because MJ hasn't paid in four years. As always, there's a weird twist.

Lindsay Lohan And Samantha Ronson Cry The Friendly Skies

• Lindsay and Sam rang in 2009 with yet another tear-drenched fight, this time at Miami International Airport. Linds was so inconsolable on the plane that she was asked if she'd like to disembark.

Blake On Amy's Addiction: It's All My Fault

• In an exclusive interview, Blake Fielder-Civil says: "I dragged Amy into it and without me there is no doubt that she would never have gone down that road. I ruined something beautiful." He admits he got Amy Winehouse hooked on heroin, crack cocaine and self-harm. "The first time Amy took crack she asked me, 'Can I try a bit of that.' When I see pictures of Amy and the state she’s in it tears my heart out. I just want to pick her up and help her. But I can’t — because I’m the man who caused it all. It scares me to death that I can’t fix Amy." He also talks about watching her have seizures and why they both cut themselves. [News Of The World]
• Britney Spears was supposed to perform at a club in London, but wouldn't go on stage. Brits are pissed at Brit! [Perez Hilton]
• Britney's on the cover of Glamour, by the by. [Perez Hilton]
• Britney is the number one most-searched-for subject on Yahoo in the UK, bumping Barack Obama to 7th. [Guardian]

Debra Messing Drops Baby Weight; Clooney & Jackman Fake Fight

In order to quench readers' insatiable thirst for gossip, we've decided to try an evening edition of the much-beloved Dirt Bag. Now you won't have to wait for morning to find out the latest celebrity news. Welcome to the swirling, sleazy disco ball of "Dirt Bag After Dark". 18 to enter and 21 to drink, ladies!

That Was Quick: Madonna Is Single Again

• Madonna is divorced. A judge ruled on "Ciccone, M.L. v. Ritchie, G.S." today and the case was a "quickie," an uncontested divorce. Neither Madonna nor Guy Ritchie attended the hearing, which lasted barely a minute. Her Madgesty is single again! Think she'll get hitched to A-Rod? [Yahoo News]
• Oh snap! Madonna just had drinks with her first ex-husband, Sean Penn. [Page Six]
• A source says don't believe what you read about Guy being a gentleman and not taking a penny from Madge. He's getting a "huge pay day." [Perez Hilton]
• Friends of Madonna's are not surprised that the divorce went through so quickly. "It’s not fair to Guy, to the kids, to drag it out for any reason," says a source. [MSNBC]
• Ashlee Simpson gave birth to a baby boy last night, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Yeah, Bronx. And yeah: Mowgli. Urban Decay Jungle Book Wentz. [People]

Barbara Walters Wants Rosie O'Donnell To Get A Life

Jennifer Garner Seeks Protection From Psycho Stalker

• Jennifer Garner has obtained a court order protecting herself from a man she believes is endangering her family. She claims Steven Burky has been "stalking and harassing" her, sending "packages and letters containing delusional and paranoid thoughts and following me around the country." The guy showed up at her house and said, "God has sent me a vision of you being persecuted in some manner that may result in your death." Burky has a blog called Satanic Panic, on which he wrote: "Are multitudes of adults resorting to human sacrifices and then repressing this information from fear of Christ..." [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan "sobbed in the street" after her fight with Samantha Ronson, and this report claims it was physical, with Sam "throwing punches" on the dancefloor when she saw LL dancing with her ex Calum Best. [The Sun]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie have reached an agreement regarding their divorce! Guy is refusing to take a single penny, and they'll share custody of the kids, except Lourdes, who will stay with her mom. [This Is London, Times of London]

Lindsay Lohan Is Showered In Flour By An Anti-Fur Activist In Paris

• Lindsay Lohan's trip to Paris is off to a rocky start: an anti-fur activist dumped a bag of flour on Lilo's head and screamed "Lindsay Lohan, fur hag!" as she was heading toward a VIP room at a local club last night, leaving the actress with flour all over her face and hair. Apparently, Lohan was targeted due to her love of fur coats. PETA Europe's Robbie Leblanc released this statement: "There is nothing remotely 'fashionable' about the torture and death of animals killed for fur. Lindsay Lohan might be able to ignore images of bloody animals skinned alive for their pelts, but we hope a dash of flour will help her rise to the occasion and forsake fur once and for all."[UPI]

• Turns out Jennifer Aniston's guest starring stint was pretty "uncool" for 30 Rock's ratings; Tina Fey's sitcom hit a season low with only 7.5 million viewers, a drop off from the 8.1 million that tuned in to watch Oprah last week. [HuffingtonPost]

• Hilary Duff has signed a deal to develop a new series of NBC. But will Gordo and Miranda make an appearance? [Variety]

• E!'s Debbie Matenopoulos, who used to hold the official Young Blonde Who Says Things That The Other Panelists Are Bewildered By post at The View is getting divorced from her husband of 5 years. [People]

• Comedian Katt Williams has been hospitalized after "exhibiting erratic behavior." Williams, who was the first guest to ever stand up Conan O'Brien without explanation last week, was apparently acting nervous, paranoid, and disoriented. [ONTD]

Can The Madonna/Gwyneth Friendship Survive?

Loose Lips

Angelina & Brad: Au Revoir, France; Guten Tag, Berlin

• After six months, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are moving to Germany. Maybe. But! "Friends" say there's tension. [Daily Mail]
• Award-winning journalist Christiane Amanpour says Renée Zellweger is "very smart about current affairs." That is an enviable endorsement. [NY Observer]
• Lindsay and Sam loved Tina Fey's Sarah Palin impersonation. [Page Six]
• Natalie Portman: Single again. She and Devendra Banhart will remain friends but need space. Perhaps his beard was coming between them. [In Touch, People]
• Sharon Stone still has custody of her son, whom she supposedly lost custody of earlier this month. Seems like the court clerk made some kind of error. [TMZ]
• Kelly Osbourne on Victoria Beckham and Jennifer Lopez: "I was directly across from them [at a show during Fashion Week]. I've never seen two people pretend to like each other more in my life. They were holding hands, but it looked like Victoria was holding a shitty bit of toilet paper!" [Mirror]

Anne Hathaway "Surrenders" Jewelry To FBI

• The FBI has "recovered" jewelry given to Anne Hathaway by Raffaello Follieri. Meaning she gave it up. Two Rolex watches, rings, necklaces, and bracelets. There is no value given yet but every time the paperwork says "clear stones" you can bet that they're talking about diamonds. Sigh. [The Smoking Gun]
• Rosie O'Donnell wrote about Sarah Palin and Elisabeth Hasselbeck on her blog: "sarah p – elisabeth h/identical cousins/women who hunt in high heels/gives one pause." [TMZ]
• Wednesday, a judge said that Nicole Richie has been taking care of herself and is "in compliance" with the terms of her probation stemming from her 2006 DUI bust. She has turned things around since driving the wrong way on the freeway after taking Vicodin and smoking pot, huh? [Yahoo News]
• Post-rehab Kiki Dunst is on the October cover of Harper's Bazaar. Did you know she was in rehab for being "enormously co-dependent"? She says: "Everyone goes through a hard time in their life. They just don't have to do it in front of tons of people and with our media the way it is. I did, and I'm lucky that I had the resources and the money to take care of myself." [People]

Shia LaBeouf's Drunk Driving Disaster

• Shia LaBeouf: Arrested on suspicion of drunk driving Sunday. He was trying to make a left turn at a West Hollywood intersection at 3 am when his pickup truck smashed into another vehicle and rolled over. Shia was taken to Cedars-Sinai for injuries to his left hand and a knee, as well as a minor head injury. Don't drink and drive, people. [AP]
• Shia was booked at the hospital. He's recovering from "extensive hand surgery" and will return to the set of Transformers 2 in about a month. [Yahoo News]
• This picture of Shia's truck shows a "mangled mess." [TMZ]
• Mary-Kate Olsen has confirmed that she was Heath Ledger's "secret lover" when he died in January. If you believe Grazia magazine. She says: "I'm just completely shattered about Heath. I loved him so much. We had this amazing connection and now he's gone. I just can't get over him." Plus! She's convinced that Heath's family, friends and fans hate her... She may be right. [ONTD]

Loose Lips

Mariah Carey E-Mails Vogue Editor From Honeymoon

• [Mariah Carey] is very happy. I've spoken with her and she is superb. She is over the moon. I received an email from her [Monday] and she is so happy. She really sounds like someone on her honeymoon." — Andre Leon Talley. Talley also says the wedding happened so quickly he "didn't have the time to offer her any style tips!" Underminer. [People]

Rosie O'Donnell Offers Unflinching Glimpse Into Martha Stewart's Jailhouse Soul

Barbara Walters Talks Shit About Former View Co-Hosts

• In her new memoir, Auditions, Baba Wawa gives the dirt on Star Jones' and Rosie O'Donnell's departures from the View; On Rosie: "The premise of 'The View' is that of a team working together, but for Rosie it was more like Diana Ross and the Supremes, as little by little she took over." [NYDN]

Mariah Gets Engaged... With Used Ring

• Mariah Carey, 38, is engaged to Wild 'N Out star Nick Cannon, 27. Yeah, weird. Did you even know they knew each other? [Access Hollywood]

Night Of Too Many Stars? Or Night Of Too Many Bloated Dudes?

Newlyweds Beyoncé And Jay-Z Not Attached At Hip

• LOL headline of the day: "Jay-Z Leaves New Wife Beyoncé At Home To Watch Basketball." OMG you guys, he went somewhere without her! [Mirror]

Madonna Gave It To Justin Timberlake In The Ass

• While Justin Timberlake was working with Madonna on her album, Madge offered JT a B-12 shot. "She proceeds to pull a Ziploc bag of B-12 syringes out [of her purse] and says, 'Drop 'em.' I don't know what you say to that, so I immediately dropped my pants," Justin says. "She gave me a shot in my ass and looks at me and says, 'Nice top shelf.' That was one of the greatest days of my life." [People]

Loose Lips

Pretty Bitch Jessica Alba Has It All

• Jessica Alba says, "It's the best time ever. I have two movies coming out, a baby, a fiancé - everything." She also claims her ass is "getting bigger by the second." Is anyone else vaguely annoyed? Maybe it's her name. [People]

Miss France Feels Heat; Miss USA The Next James Frey