• OMG. Is the world ready for little 4-year-old David Banda? Madonna says, when it comes to her work: "He knows every song, every word, every step, and he wants to wear all the costumes." And:

"He likes my dress that I wear in 'La Isla Bonita.'" Her Madgesty says that all of her kids are into dancing and "secretly" study with her dancers. But she insists they are not spoiled: "They get great bonuses and perks out of being my children and they know it, and they're very grateful and appreciative for it. I think they are pretty balanced in terms of how they view fame or celebrity or things like that. I think it took them a while to adjust, but I think they're okay about it." [People]

• Bruce Springsteen has posted a statement on his website: "Like many of you who live in New Jersey, I've been following the progress of the marriage-equality legislation currently being considered in Trenton. I've long believed in and have always spoken out for the rights of same sex couples… I urge those who support equal treatment for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters to let their voices be heard now." [AP, BruceSpringsteen.net]
• Buff Werewolf Taylor Lautner will be on Saturday Night Live this weekend, and in a video promo at the link featuring Taylor and Kristen Wiig, nothing funny happens. [JustJared]
• Julia Roberts got drunk and silly at a celebrity charades fund-raiser, saying things like, "I can't fucking lose on this!" And: "I usually go to sleep at 8:15! Let's have fun! I'm wearing tight pants and my kids are asleep!" [Page Six, Gatecrasher]
• On Barbara Walters' 10 Most Fascinating People, Kate Gosselin said that her kids miss the TLC cameras and were all "sobbing" at the loss of their pals: "They cried in the van on the way home from school the other day," Kate told Babs. "They kept asking, 'Where's the camera crew? Where's the camera crew? We miss them.' And I said, 'Our show is over.'" Lady, you need to start saving for therapy. Plus eight. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Barbara Walters' "10 Most Fascinating People" are: Glenn Beck, Lady Gaga, Kate Gosselin, Jenny Sanford (the wife of wandering South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford), Tyler Perry, Michael Jackson's three kids and Adam Lambert. Wait, isn't that 9? "A lot of people nobody had ever heard of last year," Babs says. "And a lot of it is about sexuality." [NY Post]
• Susan Boyle dreamed a dream and it came true! She sang on stage with Elaine Paige. The performance will air as part of a TV special. [Telegraph]
• 90 minutes before Tiger Woods' car crash, his wife, Elin, called Rachel Uchitel and yelled at her, "I know everything." Elin hurled a cellphone at Tiger and broke his tooth, then grabbed a golf club and chased him around the house. He ran to his car barefoot to get away from her. Allegedly. [NY Post via Star Magazine]
• Tiger Woods' reps offered a witness with "detailed knowledge" of Tiger's affair with Rachel Uchitel $200,000 to STFU. [Radar Online]
• Tiger Woods' best friend, Byron Bell, is getting married this weekend, and the bride is a sales rep for Nike. Tiger Woods is the face of Nike Golf, which is how Byron and the lady met. [TMZ]
• Is Beyoncé working on a lucrative, long-term contract with Wynn Las Vegas? [AP]
• Nicolas Cage's ex, Christina Fulton, claims he promised her a house but the evicted her — and, in addition, inflicted her with "mental, physical and emotional abuse" during their relationship. Which ended 15 years ago. She wants $13 million. [TMZ, People]
• Sienna Miller and Jude Law are on, and they don't even care who knows it. [Page Six]
• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood and girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova: Splitsville. Ronnie's relationship with Katya, as she is known, was responsible for the end of Ronnie's 23-year marriage to wife Jo. [Daily Mail]
• John Stamos says his "racy" pix are so tame he's going to release them himself! Blackmailers were trying to extort $680,000 from Uncle Jesse, even though the snaps just show John posing with fans. [NY Post]
• Danity Kane's Aubrey O'Day was seen "shaking everything she's got" in front of Samantha Ronson, who was not interested. [Page Six]
• Michael Jackson allegedly left his Las Vegas mansion a wreck; the place needs $234,000 (from Michael's estate) to repair damages. [TMZ]
• Matt Damon's dad is sick. [Alfre Woodard's daughter, Mavis Spencer, has been named 2010 Miss Golden Globe. She's an aspiring model and soon-to-be Columbia University freshman… And she's gorgeous. [ET]
• Coming to a theater near you on Valentine's Day, 2011: Pretend Wife, starring Adam Sandler and, maybe, Jennifer Aniston. The plot is under wraps but I imagine the two will PRETEND to like each other, hijinks will ensue, and they'll fall in love. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Josh Brolin: Being considered for a role in Men In Black 3. Why MIB3 is being considered is another story. [LA Times]
• If you want to see a KTLA newsguy go off on Perez Hilton, there's a video at the link. Dude calls the blogger a "talentless dope" and says: "We've been here long before Perez Hilton upchucked his way onto the scene and we'll be here long after he slithers away." [Fishbowl LA]
• There's been a possible break-in and theft at Nicky Hilton's house… Has the Beverly Hills Burglar Bunch struck again? [Pete Doherty. [Independent]
• The Craft star Rachel True has a stalker with a disgusting mind. The woman was arrested outside Rachel's house with a "large sex toy" in her possession. More lurid details at the link. [TMZ]
• RIP As The World Turns. My grandmother watched, and after she died, my grandfather watched. My mom watched, and me, my brother and sister watched in the summer. Meg Ryan, Julianne Moore and Marisa Tomei were all on the show before doing movies. End of an era! [NY Post]
• "I could be coming to Broadway. I sure want to. And nobody knows this. I haven't told anyone. You're the first to know. That is, if there's something to know… actually, it could even be off-Broadway. Right now it was just a reading, but I'm excited at the possibility. Who knows?" — Roseanne Barr might work with Ethan Hawke's theater company. [Cindy Adams]
• "We were together for a year, and we just started breeding. We were like, 'Let's have a baby!' And eight days later…" — Jennifer Garner, on her family planning with Ben Affleck. She also says: "I can live with Ben working crazy hours. But I can't live without girlfriends… It's fine if he's not there; I just need someone to bitch about it to." [Page Six via W]
• "I used to paint fried eggs. I was in a phase" — Shakira, in the upcoming issue of W magazine, on her amateur art career. [Page Six]
• "I can't remember when I was last carrying a film. To have a man's story entrusted to me has been very rare. It's in your hands. You have three wonderful co-stars, but basically [my character] George is yours for the day." — Colin Firth on Tom Ford's film A Single Man. [Reuters]
• "With each decade I've enjoyed a fuller feeling of womanliness. I'm healthy, busy and happy. I've nothing to complain about. And I like my body now. I have more curves. They come from age, but I don't care. I'm just glad they're there. At 40, I had my daughter Charlotte, and that was so exciting. At 50, I had just enough age really to appreciate all the good things. And at 60 I feel – touch wood – one has all the wisdom that one's accumulated, the perspective that it's a joyous thing to work with other people." — Sigourney Weaver, who also says she will not get Botox: "Actors' faces have to move. Yes, we want to see perfect people but we also want to see people who look like us. It's just about skin care to me and maybe exercise. I feel I've earned my laughter lines." [Telegraph]
• "I wanted to do the suicide scene, but was told it wouldn't be appropriate. I've also had to tone things down generally. But it doesn't matter, because I'm a massive fan of the queen. I was so excited and have even been practicing my curtsy." — Lady Gaga, on meeting Queen Elizabeth. [NY Post]
• "I'd love to be an assassin. Either that or a lesbian. Maybe both. Hey, a gay assassin, there's nothing hotter than that. Megan Fox would play my girlfriend — hands down. She's yummy. She's hot. All humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl." — Rihanna, when asked about future acting roles. [The Sun]

• The Tiger Woods case may be closed, but a Los-Angeles based cocktail waitress, Jaimee Grubbs, is telling Us Weekly that she had a 31-month fling with Tiger. And:

Another woman from a nightclub in Las Vegas is expected to be named any minute now. Can of worms, you guys. Can of worms. [MSNBC Scoop]

• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Us Weekly has voicemails from Tiger Woods in which he says: "Hey, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye." You can listen at the link. [Us Weekly]
• Jaimee Grubbs, the alleged recipient of the voicemail, allegedly bragged about her relationship with Tiger at work and played the voicemail for coworkers. Allegedly. [TMZ]
• Jaimee Grubbs also says she has photos and hundreds of "racy" text messages from Tiger Woods. [NY Daily News]
• More on Tiger's sexting here. One message reads: "I will wear you out... when was the last time you got [bleeped]?" [Radar Online]
• This report claims that Tiger Woods booked and paid for Rachel Uchitel's trip to meet him in Australia in November. [Radar Online]
• Lindsay Lohan was out Monday night, hanging with John Mayer and Samantha Ronson, and was "totally sober and well-behaved." No, really. [Page Six]
• According to this column, John Mayer was "playing relationship counselor" to Sam and Lindsay — getting Sam to talk to Lindsay, whom she initially ignored. The two ended up spending much of the night talking and laughing! John Mayer is magic! [Gatecrasher]
• Caaaaaaashmere sweaters! Oprah's "Favorite Things" episode may be back next year! [CNN]
• Like Taylor swift, Bon Jovi and Gwen Stefani, Jay-Z is suing an establishment for playing his music without paying. [TMZ]
• What's this? Justin Timberlake's new hair looks like his old hair? You don't say. [Gatecrasher]
• Adam Lambert is hoping one of his songs will be in the Twilight movie Eclipse: "It's kind of about vampires," he explains. "It's a great song. It's very theatrical ... very campy." SHOCKING. [Gatecrasher via MTV]
• Tragic times we live in: Britney Spears, Rihanna, David Beckham, Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were all seen at LAX Monday — and they all few commercial. [Gatecrasher via X17]
• George Clooney's frequent flier tip: Wear slip-on shoes. "The shoes you have to tie, they take forever." But: "I never wear those goofy masks on my eyes. I am too worried about the guy in the next seat taking a picture of me. That is one photo that you can't live down." [People]
• Kim Kardashian has finally reached her "goal" in terms of her body, and you can see what that looks like in a pic at the link. [NY Daily News]
• Another amazing Twitter pic: Tyra and her real hair! [NY Daily News]
• The Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie promises to be "epic" and those involved are looking to "recreate that Gladiator magic." Production is "massive," claims Ridley Scott. Russell Crowe says: "I don't think there is a satisfying Robin Hood and that's one of the key reasons for wanting to make another one." Expect to see Robin with cropped hair and a beard, much like Maximus. [News.com.au]
• Clint Eastwood, who directed the Nelson Mandela film Invictus, says he finds Mandela "Christ-like." "There are just no people like this on the planet." [Showbiz 411]
• Stevie Wonder has been named a United Nations Messenger of Peace, which is a brilliant idea. [UPI]
• Rah rah ah ah ah: Barry Manilow hearts Lady Gaga. "I really think she's got something going for her," he says. [Reuters]
• Barry should know that a teen panel has declared that Lady Gaga and Jamie Foxx songs are the musical equivalent of junk food with "unhealthy relationship ingredients." But: "We aren't telling people what they should or should not be listening to," Barbara Ferrer, of the Boston Public Health Commission, said in a statement. "We are giving them a tool that will help them make an informed choice about what they put in their bodies." Fourteen teens attended a seven-week commission-sponsored institute on healthy relationship promotion and teen dating violence prevention, where they were taught to evaluate music based on themes of power, control, equality and gender roles. [USA Today]
• Sting was asked: "Do you feel uncomfortable travelling between various homes in various continents at enormous carbon cost?" by Newsnight's Jeremy Paxman, who added: You're not being blamed for the global crisis, you're just being called a hypocrite." Sting "squirmed in his seat." [Guardian]
• OMG OMG OMG: Joan Collins is hoping to take her makeover TV show Joan Does Glamour to the US! Hairspray, diamonds and shoulder pads for everyone! [Mirror]
• "Customers who buy a diamond at Ivanka Trump's Bridal Bar, where rings start at $15,000, will get a three-course dinner with champagne and a night in a Trump hotel in Manhattan." Get engaged — get a room. [Ny Daily News]
• Corey Feldman's going through a divorce and wants joint custody of his son and doesn't want to give his wife spousal support. [TMZ]
• Little Richard is out of the hospital after hip surgery and wants to work hard at recovery so he can "get back on the road as soon as possible." Let's hope he's feeling Tutti Frutti ASAP. [AP]
• Norah Jones has won her battle to transform the windowless side wall of her Amity Street mansion in Brooklyn's Cobble Hill by punching out 10 windows. [Brooklyn Paper]
• "Oscar-nominated actor James Woods has settled a lawsuit against a hospital in Rhode Island where his younger brother Michael died in 2006." [Mirror]
• Whatshername and Whatshisname reunited… To watch their son's nativity play. [The Sun]
• "I did show my line at Bryant Park, which is not in this season, but I knew that I had to really prove myself as a designer more than anybody else out there. There are so many celebrity lines and there are so many reality show lines, actually, that haven't really done well and haven't shown much design sense. So I had to prove myself even more, that I really did take this seriously. I think no one ever expected me to put so much heart and soul into it. I guess the verdict is still out regarding what they think of my talent." — Whitney Port. Lots more at the link. [LA Times]
• "We as a family are under a lot pressure. [People want] to make us look bad and wants us to fail. [With the Melrose Place firing, the world], again, always want to make it look like we're failures but we're really just a family that works hard. My children look at ups and downs and rise up above it all and remain strong...We're just normal people, and we always try to be who we say we are." — Joe Simpson on his daughters Ashlee and Jessica. [Us Magazine]
• "They are all different. I have died with my eyes open, which is more interesting than dying with your eyes shut. I can't remember how I died as Tolstoy, but I have done Cyrano de Bergerac on stage and I died with my eyes opened. I think that's marvelous, because in the theater the lights hold to your open eyes and it's kind of marvelously frightening for a second." — Christopher Plummer, who plays Tolstoy in his latest film The Last Station. [LA Times]
• "I think we should say something about class in America. It's the dirty little secret nobody wants to talk about… What about the people at the top who are evil and corrupt and don't want to change and don't want to give up the positions of power that they inhabit to make other people suffer and to make actual real horror in the world? They don't want to change. What do we do about them?" — Roseanne Barr tries to be the voice of the disappearing American middle class on her radio show, "The Tipping Point." [LA Times]
• "I think she's probably quite nervous... She's smart but make no mistakes, this will be a very different kind of show than what you're used to. Obviously everyone wants to sit next to me. I am thinking about pulling names out of a hat." — Simon Cowell on Ellen DeGeneres joining the judging panel on American Idol. [Mirror]
• "You can still contribute even if you are not as fortunate as I am. I've been blessed and I've been over-rewarded for what I do and I'm trying to give my time and my resources but you know, I'm a rich rock star, so shoot me." — Bono, urging people to buy products from the (RED) brand, which funds aid projects in Africa. [Telegraph]
• "A lot's changed since I was on TV. We have a black president now. Actually, Obama called me and asked me to help him with his campaign. He said he had two rules for me — don't use the 'N' word, and stay off TV. Figures the first black president would run on a platform of only taxing the rich, and now I'm rich!" — Dave Chappelle, in a surprise visit to Caroline's comedy club. [Page Six]
• "OK, so I didn't really go to high school parties. I didn't touch pot 'til I was in my 20s. I didn't get flat-out drunk until I went to college [Harvard]. But I think that's a good thing in many ways." — Natalie Portman. [Page Six via Marie Claire]
• "Not only is my performance raw in this film, but through most of the film I am naked from the waist down. So not only am I raw, I'm chafed." — George Clooney, joking about Up In The Air. [People]

• Lindsay Lohan is on the cover of Elle UK — the shoot where jewelry went missing! — and here's what Editor-in-Chief Lorraine Candy writes in her Editor's letter:

"Lindsay Lohan wrote me a note during this month's cover shoot. It read, 'Let's do it again some time.' I've put it on my office wall because, in all honesty, I don't know if I could. This was the most unpredictable, and confusing cover shoot in my magazine career. First, Lindsay was about to arrive. Then she was in Paris. She was almost on set, then she disappeared into her hotel room. She was ready for her interview, then she had to have a fake tan! But we got there. And what we got was amazing. This shoot is truly original, just like Ms Lohan herself. In the end, she did her job brilliantly and, I hope you'll agree, so did we." Here's video from behind-the-scenes at the shoot [Elle TV]

• Chris Brown will be sentenced on Wednesday and appear on Larry King Live afterward: He'll apologize for assaulting Rihanna on TV. [Radar Online]
• Was Chris Brown forcibly removed from an upscale bowling alley in NYC last week for "partying too much"? [Fox 411]
• Take note: Tom Cruise is David and Victoria Beckham's "relationship guru." [Daily Express]
• "David Beckham is to star alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger in TV ads promoting California to tourists." [The Sun]
• Ryan O'Neal says of Farrah Fawcett's funeral: "I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me. I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She replied, 'Daddy, it's me - Tatum!' I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it's my daughter. It's so sick." Tatum O'Neal says: "That's our relationship in a nutshell. You make of it what you will." [The Sun]
• Vanity Fair produced two different covers for its September issue: Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. These deaths bumped a scheduled Mad Men cover, so now the actors from the show will be inside. Boo. [WWD]
• This paper spoke with the grandmother of the Samantha Burke, woman that Jude Law got pregnant. Delores Burke, 80, says: "What I want to know is how a girl gets pregnant in this day and age? Yes, it takes two people but he is the older and wiser man and he should have made sure nothing like this happened. I'm mad at him, we all are. He has other children. Didn't he think about how his actions would affect them?" [Daily Mail]
• "Samantha, her mom, and her family can affirm that Jude has been responsive and supportive throughout the relationship and pregnancy, and know that he will remain so as a father once Baby Sophia is born." [People]
• Video of Samantha Burke talking to the media at the link. TMZ]
• Apparently Samantha barely had any boyfriends, hence the headline: Prude Until Jude. [The Sun]
• A source says: "Jude sleeps with so many different women. A lot of names were going around as to who the mother of his baby could be." [Page Six]
• Jude's ex, Sadie Frost, is the oldest of 10 half brothers and sisters and mother of four kids from two marriages, so she's "understanding" and wants her kids with Jude to meet the new child. [Mirror]
• Jude Law allegedly told Sadie Frost that he only slept with Samantha Burke once, after a drunken party. [Daily Mail]
• Jessica Biel sings! She's playing Sarah Brown in Guys and Dolls at the Hollywood Bowl, and says she would love to to go Broadway: "That is one of my eight-year-old dreams. That's like my little eight-year-old inside me is cartwheeling around, thinking about that idea." [AP]
• Mariah Carey's new CD will have ads. Actually, the CD booklet will be a 34-page mini magazine in co-production with Elle… with ads from Elizabeth Arden, Angel Champagne, Carmen Steffens, Le Métier de Beauté and the Bahamas Board of Tourism. [BrandWeek]
• Paris Hilton's estranged manager Jason Moore is hopping a book about how he molded this blond piece of clay into a global icon." [Rush & Molloy]
• Dr. Conrad Murray was getting $150,000 a month to be Michael Jackson's personal physician. But many of his previous patients were low-income. "There are many, many patients that thank God this man was here for them," says one. One patient said Murray performed angioplasty on him three years ago without ever being guaranteed he would be paid. [CNN]
• If you have $30 million or so, you can big on the Andy Warhol portrait of Michael Jackson, going up for auction soon. [BBC News]
• Jon & Kate Plus 8 will not become Jon & Kate Plus Dates. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Leslie Mann says her husband Judd Apatow gives her anecdotes to tell while she's promoting new film Funny People: "He has trained me to be ultra-prepared, to have five stories ready to go. He gives what I say a beginning, a middle, and an end. Whereas I'd just barf it out," she says. "It's really lazy of me to depend on him to make me sound sensible, but so what? I'm lazy." [The New Yorker]
• Milla Jovovich: Getting hitched for the third time; filmmaker Paul W.S. Anderson is her fiancé. [Daily Mail]
• Tilda Swinton and 40 other people are pulling a film screen through the Scottish Highlands "on an eight and a half day odyssey through the mountains, camping each night in a different village." [Guardian]
• In this interview, Diane Kruger says she is a "country girl" and "definitely not sophisticated." The reporter writes: "What utter hogwash! Kruger spent most of her childhood summers on a scholarship to the Royal Ballet School in London, then five years as a top-drawer international model, based in Paris, before becoming a film actress." [Times of London]
• Liev Schreiber says kids make you youthful: "I'm older physically, but spiritually much younger." [People]
• Kate Middleton, aka Prince William's girlfriend, has had a series of meetings with Sir Richard Branson, in an effort to "sharpen her business acumen." [Daily Mail]
• Editors at British magazine Pride are apologizing for manipulating comments made by Nia Long, which made it seem like she was ranting about Beyoncé's acting skills. [Daily Express]
• Liza Minnelli will not be on Ugly Betty, but she will be on Drop Dead Diva. [AP]
• Whoops! Emile Hirsch and an Emile Hirsch impostor both attended the same party. [Page Six]
• Eric Bana is hot and talking about his attraction to cars. [Daily Mail]
• Sienna Miller on GI Joe: "If these films are well done I can find them quite entertaining. But…I prefer indie, arty films really. It's not the kind of film I'd normally go and see." [Guardian]
• In addition, Sienna's GI Joe wig cost cost £4,800. [Telegraph]
• Carey Hart says he and Pink are going to have a baby… Eventually. "She still has another 18 months of touring, and I'm pretty heavy in competing again in all my businesses, so it's definitely going to happen, but just not anytime soon." [E!]
• Q: A character with special needs or a prostitute-those are usually the two paths to Oscar. Had you considered that? Hugh Dancy: "I genuinely didn't. But now that you've said that, if it doesn't work out for me with Adam, I'll play a hooker next. There was the worry that if we didn't pull this off, I would look doubly exposed. Like, 'Really? You thought that was going to work? Better luck next time! There's this great prostitute movie coming out-maybe you should give that a shot.'" [BlackBook]
• Kevin Costner and his band were set to perform in Canada when suddenly the stage collapsed. One person died and at least 60 people were injured, including 2 members of Costner's band. [TMZ]
• Funny interview with Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter, at the link. [BlackBook]
• Sheree from The Real Housewives Of Atlanta seems psyched that she was the number one trending topic on Twitter last week after her "Who's gonna check me, boo?" argument. She says: "You don't want to be on the wrong side of Sheree. You really don't. I tell them all the time, 'Don't let the cute face fool you!'" [E!]
• He's done Ali G, Borat and Brüno.What will Sacha Baron Cohen do next? How about a Eurovision music mockumentary? [The Sun]
• Kathleen Turner spills about living the last 17 years with the pain of rheumatoid arthritis, taking steroids which made her puffy and bloated and then turning to vodka to kill the pain — and becoming a drunk. [Daily Mail]
• Omarosa will be on TV One in a new series called Life After. [WaPo]
• "In Cold Souls, opening Friday in limited release, the actor Paul Giamatti plays an actor named…Paul Giamatti." [LA Times]
  
• Billy Joel is "distraught" over his breakup with Katie Lee Joel and "obsessed" with getting her back. [Page Six]
• People you may or may not have hear of had a kid: "Survivor & Amazing Race's Rob and Amber Become Parents." [People]
• Hollywood is out of ideas, part MCDXLIV: Steven Spielberg will direct a remake of Harvey, about a man and his friendship with an invisible six-foot tall rabbit. The original flick was released in 1950 and starred James Stewart. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Will Ferrell has left the film project Neighborhood Watch. [Variety]
• Dustin "Screech"Diamond: purposely excluded from the Saved By The Bell reunion by his castmates. [NY Daily News]
• Whatshername will celebrate her divorce with a televised "party extravaganza." [The Sun]
• Whatshername is on "yet another" holiday, and her cagefighter boyfriend is with her. [Daily Mail]
• Whatshisname has been crying himself to sleep and wishes he were stronger. [Mirror]
• "They did try to submit in the comedy category in the '90s and suffered from doing it in an era of juggernaut comedies like Friends and Seinfeld and Cheers and whatnot. And The Simpsons was as well written, if not more so, as any of those — but suffered from the prejudice against the medium. So I think perhaps in reparation for that, they should give them an honorary achievement Emmy." — Seth MacFarlane. [LA Times]
• "At 21 I married Luc Besson and we bought a beautiful 13-room chateau in Normandy. I was totally happy, drinking wine, walking in the forests and riding horses in the beautiful farmland. It didn't work because he was so much older. I was young and staying up late, playing the guitar and hanging out with my friends. He was the early riser who went to sleep early. He expected me to be the perfect wife, which was natural - the hostess entertaining his friends. But I was like, 'Aaaargh! I don't even like those people.' It's too bad it didn't work because he was an incredible person and I was an incredible girl, but the timing wasn't right." — Milla Jovovich. [Daily Mail]
• "I think Hillary Clinton is one of the most amazing women of this time. I don't know her and I don't know — should I call her? I'm sure she's busy. But I know they know this movie's being made. And I just want to call and say: Do you have any thoughts or feelings I should be aware of? Of course I can't make that call. I feel like saying, 'I'm going to play you in this movie and I have a lot of respect for you and is there anything you want me to say?'" — Hope Davis. [LA Times]
• "Whatever I say, I get myself into trouble." — Sienna Miller. [Guardian]
• "When I'm not working, I feel like a Ferrari in the garage. You have all this potential and you just want to break out." — Glenn Close. [LA Times]
• "I would talk my wacky language to him and he'd interpret it to the drummer. I'd say, 'I want it to sound like Zeus woke up from a nap and he's pissed and there's an opening in the clouds and he starts handing out lightning bolts,' which is crazy, but that's how I hear the rhythm. And Omar, he whispers some things to the drummer, and that's exactly what it sounds like. It really encouraged the songwriter within me." — Juliette Lewis, on recording her band's new album, produced by The Mars Volta's Omar Rodriguez-Lopez. [Reuters]
• "I have a theory that people feel as attractive as they did as a child. I was a really hideous child. People who were attractive as children have a sense of entitlement. I have a sense of awkwardness." — Kate Beckinsale. [Times of London]
• "Troy launched me but it launched me as the face that launched a thousand ships and not as an actress. I want roles where I have to expose my soul." — Diane Kruger. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I have never come across a female character that is written with Blanche's level of complexity, in that she's vulnerable, she's pathetic, she's a monster, she's nasty, she's tender, she's kind – she's so many things that you never know quite what she's going to do next. I've never come across so rich a character before." — Rachel Weisz on being in A Streetcar Named Desire in London. [Telegraph]
• "My life has gotten more surreal in stair steps. from the blog to the book to the movie to 'Oh my God, Nora Ephron's directing it! Oh my God, Meryl Streep's in it!' So right now I'm at this sort of surreal-is-the-new-normal phase. I'm cool with it." — Julie Powell, whose blog became the movie Julie & Julia. [NY Daily News]
• "I'm so not the relationship go-to girl. But I'm much clearer about what a relationship is, which is why I will never marry again. Gabriel and I have a great partnership and a lovely daughter. But I once was stupid enough to say, in a previous relationship, 'I'm going to be with this person for ever,' and realized, as I grew, that I don't know if for ever is possible. Gabriel and I don't look at our relationship in terms of for ever, we look at it as right here today. And today means being the best people we can be, the best parents we can be. It's wonderful, but neither one of us feels the need to attach ourselves to each other for life – because it may not be that." — Halle Berry. [Daily Mail]
• "I hate alcoholics and AA. If you can't drink responsibly, don't drink at all. Don't go to meetings, whine about your character flaws and blame the fact that you are a sociopath on booze" — Roseanne Barr to Heeb. [Page Six]

• Morgan Freeman is planning to marry his 27-year-old step-granddaughter E'Dena Hines, who he raised since she was a child... if you believe The National Enquirer.

• E'Dena is the granddaughter of his first wife, but Morgan raised her with his second wife. It's alleged his long, secret relationship with E'Dena is what led to his ongoing divorce from his second wife. [National Enquirer]
• Jim Carrey is going to be a grandpa! His daughter Jane Carrey and her boyfriend Alex Santana are expecting their first child. "I am very excited," said Jim, "Jane is going to be a great mom." [Radar Online]
• In an interview with Larry King, Michael Jackson's dermatologist Arnie Klein admitted that he gave him Demerol, but only "on occasion" to sedate him. He said he donated to a sperm bank once, but not specifically to MJ, and said at one point that he's not the father of Michael's kids. [TMZ]
• Two sources close to the Jacksons said Janet Jackson tried to stage an intervention for Michael Jackson two years ago with the help of her brothers, but MJ just ordered security to stop letting family members in and even stopped taking calls from his mom. "If you tried to deal with him, he would shut you out," one source said. "You just wouldn't hear from him for long periods." [CNN]
• People couldn't figure out how Michael Jackson's casket got out of the Staples Center undetected, but it has been revealed that it was taken though an underground maintenance tunnel and loaded into a van, which took the casket to a refrigerated mortuary storage at an undisclosed location. Mystery solved! [E!]
• According to California law, Joe and Katherine Jackson get the final decision in where to bury Michael. [MSNBC]
• In a new interview Nadya Suleman talks about Michael Jackson's death, because obviously we're just dying for her input. As for the reports that Michael wanted to adopt her octuplets, she says, "That's funny. That's a rumor." [Radar Online]
• The BBC has received 473 complaints about its coverage of Michael Jackson's memorial service. Most were complaining that two channels were devoted to the service, and others were annoyed that their shows were preempted. [The Telegraph]
• Maureen McCormick says that Eve Plumb is the only Brady Bunch cast member who won't be on Oprah's reunion show next season because she's upset about a lesbian rumor Maureen started as a joke. Eve said through her agent: "No one from Oprah called. We haven't turned down anything. There is no feud." [The Daily Express]
• In what is possibly the most insane lawsuit ever, a woman who calls herself the "most beautifiliest angel lusefer" and claims to be the "reincarnation of Venus Aphrodite Demilo" is suing Hugh Hefner for $3 billion because she claims he's part of a pedophile ring and hid under her bed when she was five so he could assault her. [TMZ]
• Red City Entertainment is suing Lil Wayne because the group allegedly paid him $432,000 for a concert appearance in the Bahamas, but he didn't show up. When police went to investigate, they found Lil Wayne unconscious in his hotel room. [TMZ]
• WTF? Someone vandalized Ed McMahon's Hollywood Walk Of Fame star. [LAist]
• Debbie Matenopoulos and Jay Faires divorce still isn't over because they're fighting over their $4.3 million house. Faires wants to sell it but Matenopoulous is stalling. [TMZ]
• Patricia Arquette has called off her divorce from Hung star Thomas Jane. [TMZ]
• Mariska Hargitay says she was "so scared" when she suffered a collapsed lung on the set of Law and Order: SVU while doing a stunt. "At first I thought I had the wind knocked out of me," she said, so she just ignored the injury for three months. She kept experiencing chest pains and shortness of breath and eventually she realized she needed help when it worsened and she felt, "sort of like someone stabbed me. I went down on one knee and just couldn't catch my breath." [People]
• The sixth season of Top Chef will premiere on August 26 and Natalie Portman will guest star in an episode this season. [E!]
• In her most recent GOOP newsletter, Gwyneth Paltrow writes that she was about to drop a few pounds recently thanks to a juice detox diet. "I feel pure and happy and much lighter," she wrote, "I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious 'relax and enjoy life phase' about a month ago... This program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox." [Us]
• Bono has been granted permission by the city of Dublin to install a wood-pellet boiler to heat his Victorian mansion. [The Independent]
• A homeless man Stephen Baldwin let live on his property in New York was busted for heroin possession. Baldwin was trying to help him get his life back together. [TMZ]
• Fifteen dogs will be selected to appear in the national tour of the 101 Dalmatians Musical. Most will be rescue dogs. [USA Today]
• Do you want to look like Heidi Pratt? If so, check out her new downloadable workout series. [People]
• Tom Green and Lindsay Lohan both recently claimed that their Twitter accounts were hacked, but E! thinks it may be a convenient excuse for when a Tweet doesn't go over well. [E!]
• Joel Madden says British Airways never apologized for making him cover up his tattoos before boarding their flight. "I wasn't really mad about it," he said. "But after the fact, I go, That was really wrong, actually." Still, he's not going to sue. [E!]
• You'd think with all the Hitler and Josef Fritzl jokes, Austrians wouldn't like Bruno, but they're embracing the film. "This man is proud of his homeland, so we're proud of him," said one woman, "Austria has a new ambassador. Thanks, Bruno!" [Breitbart]
• Sinitta, who dated Simon Cowell on and off for 16 years says, "On and off, because Simon was a horrible cheat! He was a horrible cheat. He was always disappearing and stuff, you know, and I'd have to work and he'd almost be laughing as he waved me off on a plane to Japan, like: 'Great, I'm going to have a really good time while you're away'." He allegedly hit on her sister and her best friend while they were together. [The Sun]
• Hayden Panettiere says she was bullied in high school: "I was tortured, emotionally tortured by these girls. Every time I came back from filming, it would be me trying to find my way back into the clique. And they weren't having it." [Just Jared]
• Roseanne Barr has decided it's a good time to go after Michael Jackson on those molestation charges. She wrote on her blog: 'If Michael Jackson thought Jordie's dad was ripping him off, he should have stood up in court and fought, like innocent people do. Innocent people do not choose to avoid trials where they are accused of sexually abusing children. They fight, knowing that this is the worst thing in the world to be accused of if innocent. They do not pay millions of dollars to make non existent charges go away! For any celeb to have been a part of glorifying and excusing the unforgivable actions of an obviously guilty predator, I say...Shame on you." [Roseanne World]
• "I'll literally pay three Hollywood readers who don't know me to read my scripts under the radar and give cold comments. And at the early screenings of my movies, I'll hand out questionnaires that can be filled out anonymously so people can be brutally honest because to your face they won't be. I'll take the papers home, read them by myself, cry and go 'My God, that was the coolest scene and everybody hates it!' But that's fine because my goal is to always make it better." — Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke. [Reuters]
• Margaret Cho on the last time she made a wish: "I was eating a breakfast taco at the airport, and I found an eyelash in it. I was so disgusted, but I ate it anyway because I was hungry and tired. I wonder if I still get to make a wish. And if I do, it'd be 'I wish I didn't eat that taco.'" [OK]

• Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 says she and Jon may be through. "I don't know that we're in the same place anymore, that we want the same thing," she says.

• "I've been struggling with the question of 'Who is this person?' for a while. I remember where I was the first time I heard her name [Jon's alleged mistress]. It's one of those things where you can try to make it go away, but there's blaring, red flashing lights." [People]
• Kate Gosselin's brother Kevin Krieder and his wife Jodi have recorded an interview with Radar Online [in addition to their Star cover story, which was discussed in Midweek Madness]. They claim that Kate told her husband Jon "it's over." As for Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jodi says, "The show is not reality, and has not been for a long time. This is a train wreck." Kevin adds: "Their family is in shambles." [Radar Online]
• Amy Winehouse's concert in St. Lucia was supposed to be her comeback, but it was "more like a cry for help." She forgot some lyrics, danced erratically, and changed a song because she was "bored." The next day she approached the writer of the article and said, in a little girl voice, "I think I love you, Verky." She started running down to the beach then turned and screamed, "Wait! Are you a lesbian? Oh, well neither am I!" [ONTD]
• Wanda Sykes and her wife, Alex, welcomed twins on April 27. Her wife gave birth to the babies, named Olivia Lou and Lucas Claude. [People]
• Carrie Prejean appeared on Sean Hannity's Fox News show last night to explain her topless photos. "I'm from California. A swimsuit for us is no big deal," she said. She says she was doing a photo shoot for a surfing magazine and her vest just blew open because it was windy. "He was sneaking shots … it's inappropriate," she said. She added that she wound not pose for Playboy and has rejected an offer to star in a porn film. [The L.A. Times]
• Dethroned 2007 Miss Nevada Katie Rees is mad that she was punished for personal pictures taken of her showing a breast, flashing her thong, and "doing her best Katy Perry impression" but Miss California Carrie Prejean gets to keep her crown. "At least when those pictures of me came out, I admitted I was wrong and told young women in America how big of a mistake it was and to be careful because everything can affect your future," she said. "That's more than Carrie has done. She has lied about her age when she took the photos, lied about how many there were and hasn't acknowledged that she was wrong by breaking the contract. I don't think that is a good role model and I hope young women recognize that." [Yahoo]
• Court documents from Carrie Prejean's parents' divorce include explicit allegations from her sister that Carrie was physically abused by both parents and sexually abused by her father. The person blogging for Perez Hilton writes, "We're truly sorry to hear these kinds of things." Then snarks that she should speak out on child abuse as her new platform. How sensitive. [Perez Hilton]
• A battle is raging within Carrie Prejean's old school district in San Diego because some people want to make June 1st "Carrie Prejean Day" and of course, many are opposed. TMZ points out that in Canada June 1 is the National Day Against Homophobia. [TMZ]
• Roseanne Barr is Tweeting under the name "RoseanneBigMamai," sharing her insights like, "that miss cali is a rag, a hank of hair and two silicone bags on heels," and "donald trump is a pimp daddy." [ONTD]
• Kiefer Sutherland is back home in Los Angeles after being charged with assult for headbutting a designer in New York. The cast of 24 is rallying around him and Jon Voight reportedly gave him " a loving hug." [Yahoo]
• While staying in their rented Long Island mansion, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have taken to hanging out at the local Borders, Stop & Shop, and Dunkin' Donuts. They're trying to teach the kids what's normal, but the Oyster Bay locals aren't really helping "They are off the charts excited and everyone is dolled up, " says a source. "The moms are trying to look a little bit more polished. Instead of schlepping in sweat pants and messy hair, now they wear designer jeans and high heels, which they never wear. Usually it's Tod's or Gucci loafers. Everyone is putting a little more effort. Let's face it – he's a handsome guy." [People]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are expected to walk the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival, where Brad's Inglorious Basterds will premiere. [People]
• Harrison Ford has confirmed his engagement to Calista Flockhart. When an Entertainment Tonight reporter asked if they're happy, Ford said, "You'd be the first to know if we weren't, wouldn't you," before adding, "Yes of course we are, I'm delighted." [The Star]
• Police were called to Lindsay Lohan's home because her burglar alarm went off. They thought someone had broken in because her room had been ransacked, but it turned out she had just committed the crime of having a messy bedroom. [People]
• Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner was given a CLIO Award last night, which rewards excellence in advertising. Weiner said, "I grew up loving advertising as a form of entertainment and I still enjoy it. I think about the fact that for some reason or another it is so close as an artist to the process of the mixture of business and art and wit. And I admire very much what you do. Now ironically I get to feel like I am part of the history of advertising, so thank you very much for this award." [AdWeek]
• Here's an audio recording of 911 calls from Victoria Principal, who says her maid is trying to rob her, and the maid, who says Principal is trying to shoot her. They are both suing each other. [TMZ]
• Robin Williams is resuming his Weapons of Self-Destruction and Reconstruction comedy tour after having heart surgery in March. [People]
• Carla Bruni and French President Nicholas Sarkozy are hunting for a new apartment in Paris. They checked out the late Yves Saint Laurent's flat, and if they buy it they'll be two floors up from Bruni's ex-boyfriend, Mick Jagger. [The Times]
• Howard K. Stern and two doctors, Khristine Eroshevich and Sandeep Kapoor, are being arraigned this afternoon in the Anna Nicole Smith drug case. [TMZ]
• When asked about Sarah Palin, Private Practice's Tim Daly said, "Oh, boy, I'm going to try and be as gracious as Mr. Obama has been about her." His attempt: "I'm sure she's an interesting person, but I would rather hope that, whether our politicians are women or men, they would come in a more articulate and better-informed package than Sarah Palin." [U.S. News & World Report]
• Rachel Weisz plays a recluse with lots of time on her hands in The Brothers Bloom and for the film, "I had to learn to look like I could play violin, piano, banjo, guitar. Unicycle, juggle. I had to learn to do a card trick, a really complicated one. That was me doing that card trick, it was one shot. Rap, skateboard, Pingpong. It was a lot of stuff," Weisz said. "I had two weeks to learn all the hobbies, apart from the card trick, and that was a month that I had to practice every single day." [Yahoo]
• Jay-Z's rider says he should be provided with a late-model black Maybach (either the 57 or 62 model) with tinted windows, various alcoholic beverages and, "good quality peanut butter and jelly, one martini shaker, 12 shot glasses, and a pack of Marlboro Lights." [The Smoking Gun]
• Just hours before they announced their separation Katie Price and Peter Andre appeared holding hands at the British Soap Awards. [The Daily Mail]
• Aerosmith is selling scratch off lottery tickets, which will let fans win concert tickets, backstage passes, and memorabilia. [The N.Y. Times]
• In response to reports that Paris Hilton's party guests vandalized her neighbor's cars, she says, "I had nothing to do with this... I would never egg anyone's car, especially to my boyfriend and sister's [Nicky Hilton] neighbors. My blue Bentley was egged, and so was Nicky's Ranger Rover." Nicky lives up the street from Reinhardt. [Radar Online]
• As mentioned in Midweek Madness, Shannen Doherty's broke up photographer Kurt Iswarienko's marriage, according to his mother-in-law. [Star]
• Just so you know, according to Maxim Olivia Wilde of House is the sexiest woman alive. [The Mirror]
• Martin Scorsese is directing a biopic about Frank Sinatra called Sinatra. [Variety]
• An email newsletter from British ski-wear company SkiWear4Less has been banned by the U.K. Advertising Standards Authority for including Natasha Richardson in an ad to sell ski helmets. [VideoGum]
• Wilmer Valderrama has recorded a commercial for PETA in which he urges parents not to take their kids to the circus because the animals are abused. "As an actor, it's my job to entertain people," says Valderrama. "Nobody forces me to perform, but, sadly, animals in circuses aren't so lucky. ... Animals aren't willing performers, so please don't ever take your family to a circus that uses animals." [PETA]
• Vegetarian Alicia Silverstone says "I didn't grow up on vegetarian food. I ate the same things that everyone else did. There were times when I would get selfish and eat meat - at eight years old it's hard to stick to your guns," she said, but eventually, "I started thinking, 'Why am I saving one animal and still eating steak? How can I love these creatures so much... and keep eating meat?' Ultimately I thought that if I wasn't ready to eat a dog, I shouldn't be eating meat at all." [The Daily Express]

• Fox News sources are now saying that actress Natasha Richardson is being transported to NYC before she is taken off life support. She was hospitalized in Montreal for an injury suffered while skiing. [Fox News]

• Journalist Ian Halperin, who has written new book about Michael Jackson, claims the star is planning to get more plastic surgery before his comeback concerts start this summer. MJ's camp denies the story. [The Sun]
• Since Michael Jackson's London comeback concerts sold out in a matter of hours, he may bring the show to the U.S. when the European tour ends in January. [Perez Hilton]
• Lindsay Lohan was involved in a fender-bender last night, but she wasn't at the wheel. Her bodyguard/driver crashed into a wall outside the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood at 3:30am while Lindsay was in the car. [E!]
• A man showed up outside Nadya Suleman's home with a turkey baster and three tubes of "samples" strapped in his coat, waving a sign that said "I am the real OctoDad." Turns out it was rapper Smooth E trying to promote his song about Suleman. [TMZ]
• Britney Spears' camp is denying rumors that she will performa duet with Madonna, or anyone else, at an upcoming concert. [Perez Hilton]
• Star claims that Reese Witherspon was wearing an engagement ring presented to her by Jake Gyllenhaal at a recent Avon commercial shoot, but she took it off when she saw people staring because she's not ready to go public. [Star]
• An 8-week-old puppy Oprah Winfrey adopted from PAWS Chicago this month has died. Ivan, a blond-colored cocker spaniel, died from the parvo virus late last week. Oprah recently adopted him with Sadie, another cocker puppy. [UPI]
• Rihanna's mentor, music producer Evan Rogers says stars like Oprah and Tyra Banks reaching out to Rihanna may be making things worse for her. Rogers says: "I think that everyone has good intentions and means well, but it turns up the heat in terms of it seeming like the whole world is telling her what to do. At the end of the day, people forget that at 21, your perspective is very different. These kinds of things can happen to anyone, whether you're a celebrity or not." [Entertainment Weekly]
• Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen will have another wedding ceremony in Costa Rica with only 50 guests. [Radar]
• Catharina Franca, ex-girlfriend of Jesus Luz, says of his dating Madonna: "I think the age makes a difference and it is ridiculous for her. It's like my mum with a boyfriend my age, or even my grandmother. I think it's very weird. She is a ridiculous old bag, jumping around on stage at her age." Wow, Madonna is probably crying her eyes out over what this 18-year-old has to say. [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse took the stand today to enter a "not guilty" plea in court. She's accused of assaulting a woman at a high society ball last year. [People]
• Kanye West went to a table read for the Family Guy spinoff The Cleveland Show and will appear in animated form on the show. [People]
• Injured Harry Potter stuntman David Holmes only has a 5% chance of ever walking again. [Perez Hilton]
• Christina Ricci is engaged to Owen Benjamin. The two started dating in November. [Us]
• Donald Trump is being sued over a folded Baja-Mexico luxury condo building project. Trump sold his name to the project and people invested in it because they thought they were getting a quality product, but now they're out $32 million. [Perez Hilton]
• Here's a gallery of photos taken inside Mike Tyson's ostentatious abandoned house. [Boing Boing]
• This summer Jessica Biel will be in a production of Guys and Dolls at the Hollywood Bowl. [Perez Hilton]
• Parker Posey will star in the off-Broadway play This next season. The play is described as "an unromantic comedy" about the ups and downs of a woman turning 40. [AP]
• In the new Details A-Rod says he and Madonna are friends and he's sought her advice through the years because she's "smart" and "passionate about everything she does." "If there ever was any situation, she's a great ear to have," he says. A-Rod explains that they've actually known each other for years, saying, "I met her about 12 years ago in Miami, believe it or not. … I was trying to buy her house, and I couldn't afford it." [Entertainment Tonight]
• Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys runs a year-old movie company called Oscilloscope, which distributed the indie movie Wendy and Lucy starring Michelle Williams. He says he got into the business from attending film festivals. "I am a fan and would just come and end up watching five films a day, many of them great, and then coming away and wondering why they never got released. Now we can do something about that." [NY Times]
• Linda Hamilton will have a short voiceover at the beginning of Terminator Salvation. [Perez Hilton]
• Denise Richards says her two daughters are excited to meet their new half-brothers. " [Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen] just had the babies and we're letting Brooke heal," Richards said. "Then they will see their new brothers. They can't wait. They actually drew a picture for them, they are so excited." [People]
• Antonio Banderas has bought 50 percent of a winery in northern Spain. [AP]
• Elisha Cuthbert says her Old School costar Will Ferrell was "quiet, shy – a calm soul. That, to me, was really shocking." As for Vince Vaughn "He's witty, quick, and sarcastic – which can be a little intimidating. He's scary in the way that David Letterman is scary." [People]
• Salma Hayek says her new husband Francois Henri-Pinault was her stylist for the Golden Globes. She explains: "It was Christmas and I was just overwhelmed with so many things to do. He said, 'Let me help you. How can I help?' And I said, 'Well, I have to pick a dress for the Golden Globes,' ... So Bottega Veneta sent swatches and sketches, and François worked with the designer Tomas Maier, and he took care of everything." [People]
• Paul Rudd says that while promoting I Love You, Man he took a bathroom break with co-star Jason Segel before a TV interview. He decided it would be funny to pull his pants down to his ankles. Segel laughed and left the bathroom, but the joke backfired when a stranger entered. "I'm pulling my pants up in front of a urinal and my (rear end) is sticking out and the guy just like, walks in," Rudd said. [AP]
• Kim Kardashian did a photo shoot with her boyfriend Reggie Bush for the new issue of GQ. [People]
• Just in case you were dying to know what Kim Kardashian thinks about Lindsay Lohan's recent fight with Samantha Ronson, Kim says: "It's so sad that there's such an invasion of privacy, with camera people, cops and paparazzi outside their home. I mean, when have you not thrown something when you're mad? Everyone has to admit that at one time in their life, they've gotten so mad that they've thrown something, but maybe not necessarily breaking a window." [Perez Hilton]
• Before her blog was (probably) hacked, Roseanne Barr shared more thoughts on Rihanna, saying that Oprah and Tyra's view of domestic abuse is "out of date, and irrelevant and made me mad." She continues: Rhianna is a victim of chris brown to be sure, but nothing will ever change as long as the FACT is ignored that in the beginning of domestic violence, the female often (like Rhianna) colludes and ALSO IS VIOLENT!" She says after ending her abusive marriage to Tom Arnold, "I was in a lot of groups and noticed how many women said that they stayed because they mistakenly thought: 'I am not like all these other helpless women who get beat, I hit back, or I hit first. I am not a helpless victim, I am a strong fighter, and I can handle this'. Then comes the time when his strength is too much to withstand, and the sobering reality that you are in fact just another victim hits you. [Roseanne's Blog]

• Amy Winehouse is househunting in St. Lucia!

She will be a Caribbean Queen. A source says: "Amy loves it over there and being away from it all has helped her hugely in her fight against drugs. She has been drinking and smoking cannabis but is still a million times better than she was in Camden." [The Sun]

• Brad Pitt took the boys — Maddox and Pax — to Las Vegas! They were spotted at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino last night. Meanwhile, Angelina and the girls (Shiloh and Zahara) are in New York. Donde esta los twins?? [People]
• Liev Schreiber might star opposite Angelina Jolie in the spy thriller Salt. Sounds like a good combo, no? [Variety]
• Rihanna is "torn" about helping the police charge Chris Brown with assault. [NY Daily News]
• Madonna may not be in the Twilight sequel after all. Sadness! She would make a very convincing bloodsucker. [ONTD via EW]
• The "intimate" details of Madonna and Guy Ritchie's divorce will be made public? Haven't we already heard everything? [Daily Mail]
• Studios are "lining up" to court Tom Cruise? Because Valkyrie did better than expected around the world, and because he promotes his flix so hard? [Variety]
• When Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, was on the cover of Life & Style, sales went "through the roof." Us is expected to have a good week, too, since it has exclusive photos of Suleman. The question is: Who is getting the money from the sale of these exclusive pix? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Kanye West's hair is evolving. "His ducktail seems to be growing nicely into the mullet-nub stage. Bravo." [NY Mag]
• Did you know that Kate Winslet was the fourth choice for her role in The Reader? It was first offered to Nicole Kidman, then Marion Cotillard was considered, then Naomi Watts. [Daily Mail]
• When Dita Von Teese said she went celibate for awhile after breaking up with Marilyn Manson, she was only joking. "I just thought it was funny to say at the time," she says. "I'm pretty sure it's safe for you to report that I've had sex by now." But there's no one dude in her life: "I'm just really enjoying being single, and having fun, global affairs. I'm enjoying being free, and enjoying different men...I'm enjoying being in the moment and enjoying everyone for what they have to offer." [E!]
• Dita is working on a second book: "It's a step-by-step guide to beauty for girls who don't want to look like every other girl." [E!]
• LOL at "Orlando Zoom." [The Sun]
• At the Brit awards, Bono joked that he wanted to be in Girls Aloud. Bass player Adam Clayton quipped, "Which one?" [The Sun]
• Duffy won three Brit awards and joked, "I don't mean to be greedy." [Daily Mail]
• Coldplay won zero, repeat, zero Brit awards. [Mirror]
• Amy Poehler's new show, Parks and Recreation, started filming today. Amy says: "I'm excited about settling in and doing a really specific character, respectfully written, and I think it's really funny and really small and low-stakes. And I enjoy small, specific, low-stakes humor." [E!]
• A drunk Josh Hartnett knocked over a bunch of glasses of Champagne at a Fashion Week after party and explained, "Sorry, I'm half-lit." [Perez]
• Mickey Rourke's agent, David Unger, says financiers preferred Nicolas Cage for the role in The Wrestler. But Unger explains how he helped Rourke make a comeback. And! When Unger's parents' dog died, he says, Rourke got them another. "He did it without telling me; my mother had tears in her eyes," he says. "Of course, they named the dog Mickey." [USA Today]
• Tupac is dead, but his legal battles live on: A production company is suing the company run by his mother, alleging they're "refus(ing) to honor and perform a contract of a production of the film based on the life of Tupac Shakur." Dear Mama: Keep ya head up! [Hollywood Reporter]
• Anna Wintour wants Katy Perry and Justin Timberlake in Vogue. Whatever Anna wants — Anna gets! [Page Six]
• Recessionista alert: Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel used a coupon when getting her hair done. [Page Six]
• Everything you need to know about Conan O'Brien's last shows is here. [NY Daily News]
• Eric Bana is working on a film called Love The Beast, about his obsession with cars and racing. But he's teamed up with an environmental group to offset the pollution caused during filming: "We love cars but love the planet more," a producer explains. [Reuters]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger was supposed to shoot a scene for a Sylvester Stallone flick, but he has a pesky budget crisis to deal with. [TMZ]
• American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee will make her TV acting debut in an April episode of CSI: NY. [Reuters]
• Sandra Bullock will star in a flick called The Blindside, in which a homeless black teen from a broken home is taken in by a well-to-d- family abd becomes one of the first players selected at the NFL draft. (It's based on a true story.) Bullock plays the rich mom. [Hollywood Reporter]
• E! host Debbie Matenopoulos is seeking $12,558 in temporary monthly support from her estranged husband. That's still a lot of money in this economy, right? [People]
• On that new show Confessions Of A Teen Idol, Eric Nies of The Real World and The Grind says he was almost going to be Batman instead of Val Kilmer. Stop laughing! [Videogum]
• Charlie Sheen's pregnant wife was hospitalized for premature contractions but she is already out. [E!]
• Charlie Sheen blabs about the nursery he and wife Brooke have set up for their twin boys, due in April. Yawn. [People]
• Slumdog Millionaire's Anil Kapoor says he identifies with the movie: "I also started from a very simple background. Bare feet. Running in the slums with my friends. Going through the rubbish." He grew up in "what they call a 'chawl,' a step up [from] a slum. You have these small cubicles, 100 or 200 sq ft, like holes, but they are made of concrete, and the ceilings are slightly different. For all of us there was a communal bathroom, so you have to stand in line. It's like two baths for about 10 families and two toilets for about 10, 15 families." [Guardian]
• What the world needs now: Little Fockers, the next flick coming down the line from the people who brought you Meet The Parents and Meet The Fockers. Ben Stiller will return; Robert De Niro and Owen Wilson are in negotiations. [Reuters]
• Calm down: The Rock is not returning to wrestling. He is, however, pushing his new flick, Race To Witch Mountain. Yay? [IHT]
• "I don't want to be known as just a pretty face. I loved Charlize Theron in Monster. I want to play parts that are challenging and inspiring." — Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto. [Telegraph]
• "I thought, well maybe I'd like to get involved, but I was nervous about it and I thought, you know, I don't want to be a dilettante. People would say this guy's just an airhead celebrity and he doesn't know anything, and at the time of course, I didn't. So I thought: well I should learn about this and I travelled there." — Ben Affleck, on getting involved with humanitarian work in the Democratic Republic of Congo. [Mirror]
• "I can tell you that the guys have some standouts. That kid Danny Gokey is one of my favorites. Adam Lambert is pretty darn amazing. So are the guys who play the dueling pianos (Matt Giraud and Ricky Braddy). And Scott (MacIntyre) the blind kid, is fantastic. I love Megan (Corkrey). Oh, and Jackie Tohn - she's great." — Paula Abdul, on her American Idol faves. [MSNBC]
• "The difference now is for new bands. They are under so much pressure to release their material for free. It's different for us, we have a loyal fan base who buy our records. We can also make money from touring, thanks again to our fans, who go out and buy tickets. The danger in giving music away free is for writers. Where would Cole Porter be now? If you have to give away your work for free and you can't play live, where do you earn the money? It's an interesting time for music." — Bono. [The Sun]
• "I'm always looking for a man. But please, only princes should talk to me." — Nicollette Sheridan don't want no frogs. [People]
• "I think I won't [get naked in a movie] again. I can't keep getting away with it, and I don't want to become 'that actress who always gets her kit off.'" — Kate Winslet. [Page Six]
• "I hope Rhianna is getting counseling from a professional counselor who will tell her that there is no way for her to ever win, and that she will have to curtail her own penchant for escalating conflict by screaming at or hitting or humiliating her abuser. I hope he gets real counseling too, that is not from a minister or his mom or any other shame based bullshit method that will never work, and that is designed to avoid dealing directly with self-control issues. I hope that they both leave each other alone and get over their faults." — from a longish rant by Roseanne Barr. [DListed, MSNBC]
• "I can't pass judgment, but aren't fake breasts already looking really 1995?" — Jeanne Tripplehorn to More. [Page Six]

• Suck on this: Madonna will be involved in New Moon, the Twilight sequel. Her Madgesty will not only be in the film, but supply music for the soundtrack. Brain exploding, brb. [ONTD via E!]

• Hayden Panettiere, 19, and Milo Ventimiglia, 31, are over. Done. Apparently "Hayden tried to break up with Milo many times since Christmas, but he wouldn't accept it." She wants to be free; he wants to settle down. [Star]
• Lily Allen and Perez Hilton are in a "Twitter catfight." He wrote: "If I wanted to be a fucked-up Brit, I'd rather be Amy Winehouse – whose[sic] got talent." She fired back: "God, you're like so obsessed with me its embarrassing." He sniped about her album being discounted; she called him a little parasite. Isn't the internet fun? [Telegraph]
• A charity set up by Prince Harry is accused of promising £30,000 to the children of poverty-stricken Lesotho, only to have the money fail to materialize. [Telegraph]
• Prince Harry also flew a training aircraft yesterday, despite failing his exams last week. [Daily Mail]
• David Beckham "finally got" wife Victoria to agree to move to Milan. Ciao, off you go! [The Sun]
• Chris Brown has hired Paris Hilton's spin doctor, Mike Sitrick. But Fox News's Roger Friedman says Sitrick is "universally disliked by the press" and that Chris is "clueless." [Fox 411]
• Julia Roberts looks beachy keen on the March cover of Allure and says she'd like to have dinner with the Obamas. "The girls can play with my kids." She also says: "I think it should be against the law to take a picture of a celebrity's child." [MSNBC Scoop]
• More from Julia in Allure, talking about her kids: "I will never be bored again… [I have] little time theives running around [the] house." And her life: "I'm the luckiest girl in town, I really am." Yawn! [People]
• Halle Berry will star in a flick called Who Is Doris Payne, about an international jewel thief whose career spanned five decades. Rejoice: Neither a hooker, a victim nor a doormat! [Variety]
• Drew Barrymore has a crush on Christian Bale. Back of the line, dear. [Mirror]
• Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto wants a meaty, "ugly" role: "I don't want to be known as just a pretty face. I loved Charlize Theron in Monster. I want to play parts that are challenging and inspiring." Good luck! [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof made the paper for wearing fishnet thigh-highs with garters. Slow news day? [The Sun]
• Wowza, check out Emily Blunt in this tribute to Blue Velvet. Lynchy! [BlackBook]
• Anne Hathaway, Anne Archer, Charlize Theron, Kerry Washington, Camryn Manheim, Jessica Alba, Maria Bello, Rosario Dawson and others were on hand for V-Day, a global movement to end violence against women, hosted by feminist playwright Eve Ensler and Glamour. [WWD]
• Grace Jones arrived so late for the African Fashion Collection bash the other night, the party was already over. [Page Six]
• Becki Newton, Ugly Betty's Amanda, swears the show is not cancelled: "We don't know what's going to be happening with the time slot, but we're well into season three, and we just got picked up for season four. There was panic for no reason." [Gatecrasher]
• Jackie Chan is starring in a new flick so violent that it's not being released in mainland China. Of course, that makes us want to see it. Okay, just saw a trailer and it looks epic. [AP]
• There's ultra-violence in Quentin Tarantino's new film, Inglourious Basterds; Nazis get scalped, hit by bats and machine-gunned down. [Page Six]
• PR queen Kelly Cutrone (seen on The Hills and The City) is friends with Eliot Spitzer's ex-hooker, Ashley Dupre. Cutrone says: "I met Ashley through friends in the music industry, I liked her and decided I would be nice to her. I will continue to be nice to her." [Page Six]
• Steven Van Zandt of The Sopranos and the E street band has a radio show, Little Steven's Underground Garage. [Guardian]
• Amy Fisher is a stripper now. "I am going to take this road until my fans tell me, 'Dear, please put your clothes back on. You're too old.'" [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which crazy comic tells everyone about his, ummm, taste for booty whenever he's trashed? Talk about TMI!" [Gatecrasher]
• "A lot of people are scared of him, not just because of his position, but because of his temper. I don't think he ever had the time for 'la dolce vita.' I showed him how." —Carla Bruni on husband Nicolas Sarkozy. [Daily Mail]
• "Do I look like I care? I really don't think about [Joop or what he said]. What am I supposed to say? It's his opinion. What do you think?" — Heidi Klum, on being called "too heavy" to be a runway model. [Gatecrasher]
• "The character is learning lessons about consumption and debt like the rest of us right now. It feels fairly topical. Obviously the movie was conceived during a different economic period but she learns her lesson. It is a redemption story." — Isla Fisher, defending the timing of her Shopaholic picture. [Mirror]
• "She was the greatest show on earth last year. She was going through her issues in public... It was great to watch her spin out of control because it makes the average person feel better." — 50 Cent on Britney Spears, who helped inspire his album Before I Self Destruct. [MSNBC, Mirror]
• "I'm a sentimental person who's trying very hard to be a tough cynical person. This show has been more than a job for me; I met my wife on a remote, and we have two kids. I got my dog through this show. This has been a huge central part of my life. I'm quite good at denial, so I've been keeping it at bay. There's not time to dwell. (But) when we're doing the last show, it'll hit me. I'll probably cry like a baby." — Conan O'Brien on leaving Late Night for Tonight. [USA Today]
• "That was the least of our problems. I was always really proud of her success. I'm not a competitive person, and I have no aspirations to be a giant in this industry. I like making movies, but I never had designs on making $25 million a picture." — Ryan Phillippe, denying that he was ever jealous of wife Reese Witherspoon's success. [Contact Music]
• "I can't say that I'm still pole dancing. It's hard! I understand the hazards of the exotic dancer in a way I never imagined." — Marisa Tomei, on the skills she learned for The Wrestler. [Mirror]
• "I had to run and scream while wearing it! But it helps your posture, and certainly makes your boobs look fantastic. My internal organs now loathe me, however, so it might be good to do something in jeans and T-shirts. After all, I don't want to be typecast as the 'English rose' -that's boring, isn't it?" — Emily Blunt on wearing a corset in Wolf Man. [BlackBook]
• "Chris Brown's lies and excuses make me want to beat the crap out of him... He uses the language of the perpetrator just like every sleazy bastard who ever smacked his wife, kid, mother or girlfriend around uses. You dirty bastard, I hope you go to prison for ten years. IT'S YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE! As for all the mealy mouthed Hollywood and music scene chicks that can't bring themselves to condemn a misogynistic bully, let me say this: Your time as whores for propaganda is ending, bitches." — Roseanne Barr. [ONTD]
• "I've been at war, without a doubt. I've really experienced the judgment of women in the past year. We say we want to be equal, but men don't sit around bitching at each other. There's no sisterhood." — Sienna Miller. [Mirror]

• Michael Jackson is dying, according to the oh-so-reliable National Enquirer.

A source says: "Painkillers and booze have caught up with him. The only way he was able to cope with the stress of sex scandals and his roller-coaster life was to mask the pain with substance abuse." Another insider claims: "His muscles and lungs are deteriorating, and he's bedridden much of the time. He can walk, but not for very long." [Newser, National Enquirer]

• Shh! Secret Oprah/Obama party in honor of the inauguration! Pass it on! [Page Six]
• Are Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt married? Or does Taraji Henson have trouble remembering the word "partner"? [The Sun]
• You know how, in W, Brad Pitt claimed that he and Jennifer Aniston "still check in with one another"? The New York Post's Cindy Adams says: Toro caca. Brad and Jen haven't spoken in three years. [NY Post]
• Anne Hathaway skipped the Bride Wars premiere party to go smoke cigarettes and play pool. [Page Six]
• Sixteen-year-old Frances Bean Coban checked out a $6.5 million Manhattan penthouse recently. Without her mom. Will she buy it and leave Courtney on her own? [NY Post]
• Will Tom Cruise go on Friday Night With Jonathan Ross? [Telegraph]
• Amy Winehouse continues to hang out with this random dude, Josh Bowman, in the Caribbean; yesterday she serenaded him from the piano at a hotel bar. [The Sun]
• Congrats to Lisa Bonet and hot hottie Jason Momoa, who (maybe) welcomed a boy in mid-December. The name? Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. According to Jason's mom, "He was born on the stormest, rainy night. Nakoa(warrior)...Mana(strength/spirit) Kaua(rain) po(dark)... The name was always going to be Nakoa-Wolf, but Jason did the research on first middle name, 2nd middle name as you know is Jason's." Okay then! [ONTD]
• Did you know that Mario Lopez and Fergie were one another's first kiss back in the '80s? Anyway, now that Fergie is getting married, Mario says: "I'm happy for all of her success. She deserves it. Josh is a great guy. They will be great together." [People]
• Dear Princess Beatrice: If you don't want your black BMW, which was a gift from your father, the Duke of York, to be stolen off the street in the West 1 area of London, don't leave your keys in the ignition. [Independent]
• Taylor Momsen, Gossip Girl's Little J, was seen dining with her dad in MD, making a big deal about trying not to be recognized… And no one cared. [Page Six]
• Finally! What we've all some of you have been waiting for: Tori Spelling is in negotiations to appear on the new 90210. [People]
• Say buh-bye to Balthazar Getty on TV: The writers and producers of Brothers & Sisters have changed scenes and storylines to phase out his character, Tommy Walker, before the season ends. [E!]
• Leonardo DiCaprio will star in the screen adaptation of Beat The Reaper, a novel by Josh Bazell, about a Manhattan emergency room doctor whose life becomes complicated when a mobster recognizes the doc from his former life as a hitman who went into the witness protection program. [Variety]
• Being on Celebrity Big Brother has given Coolio a platform to say all kinds of crap; today he claims that the difference between American chicks and Brit birds is that English women get drunk and hook up with people they don't even know. [Mirror]
• Take a deep sigh of relief: David Spade and Nicolette Sheridan are just friends. [E!]
• Blind items! 1. Which married-with-children cable TV honcho has been so helpful to an ambitious reporter who works for him, everyone thinks they're having an affair - including her boyfriend? Her beau dumped her flat after reading some incriminating e-mails 2. Which media mogul has been hitting on the flight attendant on his corporate jet - and her girlfriend? He offered the hotties an all-expenses-paid trip to Mexico City, but they laughingly declined. [Page Six]
• Additional blind item! "Which reality star announced in the middle of a business lunch, “Whoops, just got my period!” — and then kept eating as if nothing had happened?" [Gatecrasher]
• Some band has written a song calling for a confession from Casey Anthony, Caylee's mother and the prime suspect in Caylee's death. [Gatecrasher]
• SNL star Casey Wilson wants to play Suri Cruise: "I just have to give her a voice. She’s got a lot to say, a lot of opinions. She’s very smart and she can wear that Burberry coat like no other. But I think I’m going to make her arrive in a spaceship." [Gatecrasher]
• Dr. Jan Adams, the surgeon who operated on the late Dr. Donda West (Kanye's mom), was sentenced to a year in jail for DUI. He had a blood alcohol level of .20 percent. [The Life Files]
• Check out video of rapper T.I. on the witness stand as he fights a raise in child support payments (he already pays $6,000 a month!). A lawyer asks him what size house he lives in, and T.I., aka Clifford, says "A big one." [The Life Files]
• For some reason, Stephen Spielberg's image was being used on a flyer at the University of Wales, promoting their creative writing department. Spielberg's lawyers asked the school to cease and desist. [Telegraph]
• Those of you hoping to see Gandalf's wand are out of luck! Ian McKellen is not upset that the nude scene from his version of King Lear won't be shown when the stage play is shown on TV. "Every night, when I'd take my clothes off, you know what I used to do? Pull in my stomach. That's pathetic. I was playing an old man. I should have let it all hang out, and I couldn't do that." [AP]
• "Noel Gallagher wants me to play him in a movie about his life? That is ridiculous, he must have been in a very good mood to say that. I'm way older than him anyway, so I couldn't play him, but I love the idea, it's fantastic. I can play the guitar better than Noel can so I don't know how that is really going to work. I haven't had a call from Liam yet so I'll wait for that one." — Daniel Craig. [Telegraph]
• "Israel is a NAZI state… Israel has enough money to pay each and every Palestinian to not shoot at them." — Roseanne Barr. [Page Six]

[Dublin, Ireland; October 23. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• Amy Winehouse is doing fine, says her spokesman, whom she pays to say such things. Despite tabloid rumors, she is not on a suicide watch. [People]
• Also, Amy's mom says Amy is a good influence on her goddaughter, Dionne, who wants to be a singer. [Daily Express]
• Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman: Back on. [People]
• Michelle Rodriguez was staying at a fancy hotel in Coconut Grove, FL but she must have had a fight with the ladyfriend she was traveling with: Guests heard two women yelling at 9am Sunday morning and one saw Michelle in the hallway, banging on the door, hollering, "If you don't open up, you're not getting your [pleasure toy] back." Then the door creaked open. [Rush & Molloy]
• Nick Nolte suffered smoke inhalation and abrasions during a fire at his home in Malibu. The blaze seems to have started in the bedroom due to an electrical problem, and when firefighters arrived Nolte was trying to put it out himself with a garden hose. [UPI, AP]

• Travis Barker is still in a burn center in an L.A. hospital. His condition has been "up and down." [E!]
• Travis tells Us Weekly: "I hate planes. My biggest fear ever is to be involved in a plane crash, so when that happened… well, I'm just thankful to be alive! I'm just grateful to be here at all. I am doing the best I can possibly be. I'm so anxious to get out of here. I've just been in surgery after surgery. I have third-degree burns basically from my feet up to my waist and both hands. One of my hands has second-degree burns and one has third-degree burns. I'm trying to have a quick recovery and play the drums again and be able to hold my kids again." [AP]
• Britney Spears may have to go to trial over driving without a valid license. This case stems from an August 2007 charge after she hit a parked car and left the scene. [USA Today]
• Jennifer Lopez and Leah Remini were attached at the hip at the Elle Women In Hollywood event: They even held hands when they went to the bathroom together. And yeah, Leah is a Scientologist. [E!]
• Natalie Portman has discovered microloans through Queen Rania of Jordan and says she's learning to curb her "accumulation mentality." When "you meet people who have one shirt," it makes you stop and think, Natalie says. "If I have 40 shirts, why would I ever buy anything more?" [Newser]
• It's official: Salma Hayek will be on 30 Rock, maybe shooting in the next few days. That show is the new Love Boat. [E!]
• Kanye West to Ellen: "You have really great style." [People]
• Ted Casablanca on Kanye and Ellen: "It's really refreshing to see a tough rapper so at home with the gay stuff." El oh el at "tough." [E!]
• Billy Ray Cyrus calls Miley's boyfriend, 20-year-old Justin Gaston, "a good kid." This was the one with the bible, you'll recall. [People]
• Meanwhile, a Hannah Montana co-creator is suing Disney over a percentage of the profits from licensed merchandise. Up against The Mouse in court? Good luck! [Perez Hilton]
• Penn Badgley, aka Dan Humphrey from Gossip Girl, has a crush on Parker Posey. [NY Mag]
• Josh Kelley is "always trying to impress" Katherine Heigl, if you care. [People]
• Eva Longoria will be a guest judge on Project Runway, not that we know when it will ever come back. [ONTD]
• Paris Hilton gets presidential advice from fake prez Matin Sheen. [Funny Or Die]
• Madonna wore Clark Kent-style specs at her NYC concert, and this Brit tab accuses her of stealing them from Lourdes. [The Sun]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal will be shilling Duracell batteries by becoming the spokesperson for the Power A Smile campaign, in which young ambassadors to deliver gifts to patients in children's hospitals this holiday season. [BrandWeek]
• Speaking of Gyllenhaals: Maggie and Jake's parents are calling it quits after decades of marriage. Does anyone stay together? Ever? [Perez Hilton]
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are reportedly househunting in London. Sigh. [Daily Express]
• Jamie Lynn Spears and her baby daddy Casey Aldridge are on the cover of OK! magazine with the cover line "I'm No Cheater." More on this in Midweek Madness… [Perez Hilton]
• Scarlett Johansson wears red white and blue on the kookily patriotic cover of CosmoGirl!. [PopSugar]
• Bad news for Eddie Izzard fans: The Riches has been canceled. [UPI]
• Could The View win an Emmy if Elisabeth Hasselbeck left? [LA Times]
• Janet Jackson may or may not have vertigo. [Perez Hilton]
• Lily Allen may have a new man, since she was photographed in the vicinity of some random dude. [The Sun]
• The Iranian actress in Leo DiCaprio's new flick, Body Of Lies says: "I had a lot of problems because of this movie. (Iranian officials) took my passport. The intelligence service interrogated me several times. In the end, the judge said, 'We have to see the movie and then decide what we're going to do with you.'" She is afraid to go home to Iran and is living in France with her husband since the incident. [Daily Express]
• Whee! Slash action figure! [UPI]
• There's a picture of Paul McCartney in a McDonald's in Liverpool, but he's been a vegetarian for 30 years. Sir Paul is pissed. [The Sun]
• A bouncer asked Stephen Dorff to smoke outside and he yelled, "Do you want a piece of me? You don’t know who you’re messing with." Yeah, probably not. You're an actor, right? [The Sun]
• A post-divorce Bill Murray is looking for renewal. He says when his ex-wife filed papers alleging that he abused her and was addicted to alcohol and marijuana, "That was devastating. That was the worst thing that ever happened to me in my entire life." [AP]
• The new Bond girl was born with six fingers on each hand. [Newser]
• Dancing With The Stars' Derek Hough is living with girlfriend Shannon Elizabeth — as is his entire band. [People]
• Love, LOVE this artwork for Cadillac Record, starring Adrien Brody, Jeffrey Wright and Beyoncé. [Concrete Loop]
• Things you never wanted to know about Rob Lowe's nanny: She allegedly only dates black guys because of their cocks. She bragged that her boyfriend's penis was "the second largest black cock in the NBA.'" [TMZ]
• Brody Jenner has found "the one" and she is a 22-year-old Playmate named Jayde Nicole, of course. [Perez Hilton]
• "I'm not the ... pervert that I've been painted to be." Peter Cook, Christie Brinkley's ex, to Barbara Walters in an interview that will air Friday on ABC's 20/20. [People]
• "[Society wants women] on anti-depressants so they are no longer creative or fierce. They dull your rage. People don't like angry women so they say, 'We're going to have to drug that bitch to get her to shut up. We will humiliate her and disenfranchise her, but first she has to shut up.'" — Roseanne Barr. [Guardian]
• "She calls herself feminist but she's not. She's a careerist. I had a time in my life too when I didn't stay at home with my kids because I was on a bigger mission. She'll pay for it later though. She'll get her karma… In the 60s we used to say if a woman ruled the world there would be no war. But that's not right. What we mean is a thinking, conscious woman, and there's no place for any of us in this world. To make it in a man's world takes a certain kind of woman. Sarah Palin is the kind of woman they want right now." — Roseanne Barr. [Guardian]
• "By denying the responsibility of man in global warming, by advocating gun rights and making statements that are disconcertingly stupid, you are a disgrace to women and you alone represent a terrible threat, a true environmental catastrophe." — Brigitte Bardot, in a letter to Sarah Palin and John McCain. [Yahoo News]
• "In my opinion, Stephen King is without question our greatest writer. No one tells a better story than Stephen… I set out to write a good story with The Notebook, one that would sell 10 million copies and make me rich… and I did." — Nicholas Sparks. [Page Six]
• "Posh doesn't strike me as particularly stylish. I don't think she's a good example of British style at all." — Mischa Barton. [The Sun]
• "I won't respond to that. That doesn't even deserve the dignity of a response. I don't know the details of that. It is absolutely ridiculous… This from the Guardian? I don't believe it! It is insulting that you would even bring it up! My God… I turned down the Mail to do this!" —Faye Dunaway, on the rumor that she threw a cup of urine in Roman Polanski's face when the director refused to allow bathroom breaks on the set of Chinatown. [Guardian, via NY Mag]

• Nicole Kidman is planning to add twenty pounds for a role in a film called The Reader. She's been eating four meals a day — big plates of pasta with bread and dessert. First: We can't picture her with meat on her bones. Second: We're hungry. [Daily Mail]
  
• George Clooney will become an executive board member of a new environmentally-friendly Swiss energy company. We didn't think it was possible for him to get any hotter, but he's gone and done it. [USA Today]
  
• Ellen Degeneres' latest doggy debacle wasn't her first one. L.A. producer Kerri Randies says she gave Ellen a mutt named Stormy two years ago, only to find out two months later that Ellen had given Stormy away to a member of her staff. We're ready for this story to be over. [Page Six]

• Kid Rock was arrested after a brawl at a Waffle House in Georgia. He spent about 12 hours in jail before being released. No word on whether he had something scattered, smothered and covered. [ABC News]
• Britney Spears has regained temporary visitation rights of her sons and was seen driving with them and her court-appointed monitor over the weekend. That lady's head must be spinning from the chaos. [ABC News]
• Roseanne Barr on Britney: "You are a bad mother, and so is your mother. Get your shit together and take care of your kids!!" [Perez Hilton]
• Salma Hayek is still going to marry her baby daddy François-Henri Pinault, even though he is also Linda Evangelista's baby daddy. To be fair, the babies are about a year apart. [Page Six]
• Josh Hartnett wouldn't answer questions about pictures of himself kissing Rihanna, but did say, "It's ridiculous. And half — 95 percent — of what is written about me is not true." Half, 95%, what's the difference? [Page Six]
• Jermaine Dupri on Justin Timberlake: "[He] is a talented performer. But he's very ordinary-looking. He could be any skinny white kid from the suburbs." Because, you know, Dupri is such a stunner. [Page Six]
• The wedding sequence for the Sex And The City movie is going to have to be re-shot. We're ready for this movie to be over! [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• Uh, Law & Order: SVU star Richard Belzer says he once saw a UFO. [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]
• Blind item! "Which famous newlywed was — and then wasn't — pregnant by her shotgun wedding date?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• "Divorce is just around the corner" for Pink and Carey Hart, says a source. He apparently sees other women while she's on tour, boo. [Rush & Molloy, 2nd item]
• Beyoncé launched her world tour in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Fans enjoyed her two-hour show — one noted, "She's hot." Booty is universal! [USA Today]
• Titanic director James Cameron and Olivia Newton-John have been evacuated due to the fire in Malibu. [Portfolio]
• Other celebs with homes (or beach houses) that are threatened include Jennifer Aniston, Sting, Bill Murray, Nick Nolte, Robin Wright Penn, Mel Brooks, Howie Mandel, Tatum O'Neal, Rob Reiner, Goldie Hawn, Linda Ronstadt, Jeff Bridges, David Arquette and Courteney Cox, David Geffen, Jeffrey Katzenberg,Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. [TMZ]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are working with HBO, producing an untitled dramatic series about aid workers. They're so earnest and dignified it's starting to get annoying. [Yahoo News]
• Madonna is getting permanent custody of her adopted son from Malawi 5 monthhs earlier than she hoped. [The Sun]

New exciting news: Roseanne Barr may be on.

Everyone's second-favorite brash brunette, who defended O'Donnell on Larry King Live last week, is rumored to be taking O'Donnell's place on the four-woman View lineup.

Rosie, Roseanne. Rosie, Roseanne: It's almost too much for our minds to process. Where's Letterman when you need him?

Roseanne to Replace Rosie? [A Socialite's Life]
Related: Ro Replacements [NYPost]