• Rumors are flying that Lindsay Lohan is donating her time (except for any free clothes she snags) as Emanuel Ungaro's new "artistic director." This gossip item, however, doesn't spell "Emanuel Ungaro" correctly, so its veracity may be questionable. [Fox 411]

• Ungaro C.E.O. Mounir Moufarrige says Lohan's pay is "quite enough. It's expensive." Before hiring her, he told the press he asked her how much time she intended to spend in jail this year; her unpredictability, he says, "has been factored in" to her compensation. [ToL]
• The New York Times' Horacio Silva says he just had a talk with Renzo Rosso, who is "thisclose to naming a new designer at Martin Margiela." Margiela's departure from his namesake house was only confirmed recently, after months of speculation. In a follow-up tweet, Silva says Rosso maintains Margiela will still be involved in the house. Haider Ackermann and Raf Simons have been mentioned as possible contenders for Margiela's old job. [Twitter]
• What if a luxury label opened a store, and nobody bothered to turn up? [Shophound]
• Diane Von Furstenberg tweets from Madrid: "I just got robbed in the street in front of the Thyssen museum... My wallet, cash and all my credit cards!!" [Twitter]
• Two Bravo executives described the network as "desperate" to get a reality TV deal with Marc Jacobs. Their pitch? A no-strings-attached everyday doc. "Just live his life, his amazing life, and let us shoot it," said Andy Cohen. "I mean, just go. Just go! Open your eyes, let us put the tape in the camera, and let us go." [The Cut]
• Mo Rocca on the future of fashion? Hell. Yes. [CBS]
• Number of times Time mentions Crystal Renn was a "size-0 model": 3. Number of times Time mentions she had anorexia: 0. [Time]
• Karl Lagerfeld: "My father…was not stingy but he hated unnecessary expense but clothes he saw as the exception — he was of a different generation — if you were well dressed, half of the job was done. So I was told, be well dressed and doors will open." [i-D via Fashionista]
• Can you imagine David Spade, Anthony Kiedis, Fred Durst, and Ron Burkle hanging out at a Zac Posen show? Us neither. L.A. is so weird. [Style.com]
• Oscar de la Renta was presented with an award by Grace Coddington and Hamish Bowles. [Yahoo]
• At the same event, Barneys creative director/author Simon Doonan said, "For years, all my writer friends would say to me, what the fuck are you doing working in a store every day? And now they're saying to me, how can I get a job in a store?" This is because "There's nothing at the moment that is worse-compensated than freelance writing. NOTHING. You can get more money panhandling on the street. It's shocking." We'd agree but we're now too depressed to move. Simon Doonan works for a C.E.O.-less department store with stock about eighteen zillion levels below investment grade, a department store so consistently subject to rumors of bankruptcy that its parent company periodically has to step in to remind everyone that it guarantees the (giant, growing, pile of) debt. And even he has it better than we do. [Daily Intel]
• Meanwhile, Doonan says he finds the recession "a colossal bore." [WWD]
• Martin Lingstrom, a brand strategist, spent three years hooking up over 2,000 people to sensors that monitored their physical and neurological responses to advertising and shopping. He says that, while deciding to buy something, our brains release dopamine. However, then there's the guilt: "It's not very strong at the beginning but increases when you swipe your credit card through the credit-card reader." That feeling is physiological. Instead of reaching the obvious conclusion from his data — shopping is against nature, a pattern of unhealthy addiction and guilt-ridden behaviors, and everyone in fashion is totally fucked — Martin Lingstrom apparently still works as a brand strategist. [WSJ]
• The Wall Street Journal tried out Christian Louboutin and Piper Heidsieck's Le Rituel, the $5,000 glass slipper intended to serve as a champagne flute. The verdict? "It takes some finesse, balance, and you can't fill it very high with bubbly...It has its charm, but drinkers of champagne mat opt to keep their flutes handy." Imagine that. [WSJ]
• Alexander Wang says he staged his first fashion show when he was 15, at his brother's wedding. "It was like 35 looks or something. We hired hair and make-up and everything." [Independent]
• Heidi Klum is launching a fashion line. The footwear collection, all 48 styles, will be available starting next fall; to follow will be swimsuits and casual wear. [WWD]
• Claudia Schiffer, on the supermodels comeback: "One of the logical reasons would be that we sort of went away at the same time and most of us had kids at the same time and then we sort of came back. We've also worked for such a long time, we are reliable and professional and you know what you'll get." [Independent]
• Schiffer, who was once unceremoniously dropped by Karl Lagerfeld, during the grunge days, has been spotted with the designer around Buenos Aires. They, along with Baptiste Giabiconi and Freja Beha Erichsen, are shooting the next Chanel campaign. Local media reports that they ate "rich barbecue" for lunch one day. [Fashionologie]
• Vivienne Westwood made a series of gowns for Leona Lewis. In exchange, the pop star will wear the dramatic metallic corseted creations in all the promotional materials for her new album and single. [Telegraph]
• Odds Costume Rental, which supplied costumes for 22 years to productions like Law & Order and Road to Perdition, has filed for bankruptcy. Rising rent is one culprit — the business was hit with a $5,000/month increase last year — and the willingness of designers to give their clothes away to film and television shows is another. [Crains]
• Salvatore Ferragamo is entering the online retail market. [WWD]

Anyway, so…Burkle agrees to give him $100 million. On what basis? Well, Follieri tells him he's got the "right of first refusal" to buy the property and he's tight with this Monsignor named John E. Kozar. Sometimes Follieri would dress up Kozar in nicer robes that he kept in his office so as to pass him off as more than a monsignor.
Now, the Vatican's finances don't have anything to do with the American Catholic Church's. No one knows this better than fucking Monsignor Kozar, who just issued a batch of radio addresses on May 29 with this explanation:

This year was chosen for this project, Monsignor Kozar observed, because of its missionary significance for the Church in the United States. On June 29, 1908, a decree of Pope Pius X removed the designation "mission territory" from the Church in the United States, meaning that we were no longer dependent upon the sacrifices of the Catholics of Europe - through the Society for the Propagation of the Faith, one of the four Pontifical Mission Societies - to support our pastoral and evangelizing needs.

Moreover, the whole point selling off all that property was that the Vatican wasn't footing the bill. If the Vatican had been footing the bill, maybe some pretty art would be in the hands of some post-traumatic altarboys right now, but it's not. Anyway, so yeah, Monsignor Kozar totally knew that Follieri was full of shit, but pretty much every thinking person should have known, particularly Ron Burkle and, like, hello, the people in charge of selling Catholic church properties. But no! Because those people are fucking stupid, as a National Catholic Reporter story revealed in 2006:

“When Raffaello wants to meet with the bishop, they put the touch on from the Vatican and they get the meeting,” said one East Coast diocesan real estate professional. “They’re about as connected as it gets.”

Or here:

How well wired is the Follieri Group? In early 2005, Catholic blogger Domenico Bettinelli, editor of the Catholic World Report, summed it up: “Unless [Andrea Sodano’s] name was Wojtyla, you couldn’t get a better connection.”

Oh look, a Catholic blogger. That guy sure must feel stupid now!

I wonder if it was really a private eye or if it was the FBI. If it was really a private eye, maybe they were representing “supermarket billionaire Ron Burkle’s Yucaipa Cos.” who sued Follieri after accusing him of misappropriating more than $1 million.

Uh, ya think? By the way, Burkle actually sued him for $55 million and according to the Journal the indictment reads reeeeally similarly to his lawsuit, and also, just incidentally, if you were an FBI agent, interviewing you, why would you bother misrepresenting yourself? As a private investigator of all genius covers? Isn't that sort of like me calling up the DA's media relations department for a statement so I could post an update on my Tumblr?</

Wow, it’s funny to be caught up in the middle of all this, especially since I really don’t know anything about it.

JESUS MARY AND ALL THE APOSTLES BETTINELLI ARE YOU THE DUMBEST PERSON FUCKING EVER?

So much for us Catholics and our dogged prosecutory persistence in seeking/missionary zeal for finding the truth, right! I guess that's what I would say, if Ron Burkle and Bill Clinton weren't the biggest suckers in this whole fucking scam. A billionaire and a Rhodes scholar ex-president. Neither of whom ever had to believe in trans-substantiation.

Follieri Charged With Fraud; Claimed Special Vatican Connection [National Catholic Reporter]
Dear Anne Hathaway, If You Don't Read Your Ex-Boyfriend's Indictment You Are Going To Hell
Anne Hathaway's Ex Gets 21 Million Bail With Home Detention
Italy's Man From God [NYT]
Give Anne Hathaway's Ex Credit (Cards) [Fox News]
Vatican Ties Go Just So Far For Follieri Group [Post-Gazette]
Vatican Asks Condoleezza Rice To Help Stop A Sex Abuse Lawsuit [National Catholic Reporter]
Catholic Real Estate Bonanza [National Catholic Reporter]

You probably feel like a fool. Ohhh, poor you! How do you think fucking Ron Burkle feels about that $55 million?? Ron Burkle, a man whose name is not exactly synonymous with "integrity"! Ron Burkle, a man who spent a few hundred grand trying to sabotage the career of a fucking gossip columnist who pissed him off.

That's why I entreat you to read the indictment, Anne. Sure, some painful memories will come flooding back: the custom-made suits from Milan. The "flowers, cosmetics, clothes, wine, expensive dinners, dog walking services and orthodontist expenses." The $30,000 housecall. The Caribbean vacation in 2006. The two-story apartment in Rockefeller Center that Raffaello rented for visiting members of the clergy. The notable absence in said apartment of any visiting members of the clergy!

A wise woman once said: "A woman especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can." Wait, does that ring a bell?? Yeah, genius it was the tagline for Becoming Jane. The thing is, it doesn't apply to women who have no actual knowledge to conceal. And I'm not trying to get you to pull an Ophelia here but did the Feds even bother trying to question you? Did you ever get deposed? Let me tell you Anne, I would love love looooove to live in a world that allowed me to believe you waited until last week to dump him because you were recording his phone conversations, "backing up" his hard drives, strategically digging through his wastebaskets and mastering his rhetorical tics in preparation for your directorial debut, an epic black comedy on the striking guilelessness of powerful, influential, successful, and thoroughly rotten people when they believe themselves to be possibly in the presence of Christ Himself. At turns subtle and madcap, stark and decadent, it could serve as a scathing cinematic indictment of …well shit, you name it: organized religion, the human condition, Money, Power, the Vatican, vanity, "Love," your idiot self, even your ex-boyfriend.

But I somehow doubt it! Which is why right now, I hate to break it to you, he may be the one going to prison, but he is also kind of "winning."

Rafaello Follieri: The Indictment [WSJ]
Earlier: Vaticonned! How Anne Hathaway's Boyfriend Got Clinton To Underwrite Their Fabulous Romance

1. You could almost blame it all on his enabling assistant Doug Band.
Responsible for introducing Bill to Anne Hathaway's deadbeat boyfriend? Check. Wrote that aggro letter telling that restaurant to take Chelsea's photo off the wall? Check. Married to a handbag designer? Check. Okay, but even this guy, Clinton's "butt boy" turned right hand man, doesn't think Bill should be hanging out with fucking Ron Burkle, which brings us to…

2.But whatever, once a cad, always a fucking cad.
Back in 1992, some AIDS activists gave Bill a bucket of condoms, to which he "instantly" replied, “My staff thinks this is the last thing I need.” Ha ha ha, fast forward to the post-how-that-shit-got-him-impeached part and he is hanging out with Elizabeth Hurley's babydaddy Steve Bing and supermarket magnate Ron Burkle, whose private jet is nicknamed Air Fuck One and who leads what they call a "European lifestyle," perhaps because that is the continent of origin of so many of the models on Air Fuck One, but in any case, as one of Burkle's aides says, “How many older guys wouldn’t want to hang out with younger girls, if they could? Would you rather hang out with a smart, good-looking 20-year-old, or a 45-year-old?” (Hm.) He's stirred up side-fuckery rumors with everyone from Canadian politico Belinda Stronach to Gina Gershon to some lady in Chappaqua to another lady at the Aspen Institute and a "ravishing entourage in a New York elevator" about whom a former Clinton aide said a "business leader" said upon seeing them, "I don’t know what the guy was doing, but it was so clear that it was just no good." Four former Clinton aides tell Vanity Fair that about 18 months ago, one of the president’s former assistants, who still advises him on political matters, tried to stage an "intervention."

3. Monica was kind of cool for a starstruck 25-year-old intern.
According to Andrew Morton’s Monica’s Story, Lewinsky was about to deliver her Christmas gifts to Bill when she learned Eleanor Mondale, Clinton's jogging partner on whom he had a known crush, had been with him at the White House.“Do you think I would be stupid enough to go running with someone I was foolin’ with?,” Clinton later asked Lewinsky, to which she said, “Do you want me to answer that?” Plus:

4. The last night Bill and Monica were together he serenaded her with the song "Try A Little Tenderness."
Was it gratuitous of Purdum to excerpt the "shabby dress" line? Oh, probs, but barf anyway.

5. Ron Burkle isn't the worst of it, oh hell no, because in 2002 Bill Clinton flew to Africa with Jeff Epstein on Jeff's private 727.
Jeffrey. Fucking. Epstein. Jeff Epstein, folks. He knows how to pick em.

6. Abbreviated list of nefarious dictatorships whose business relationships with Clinton would probably conflict with Hillary's interests, if they were not likely also funding her campaign, since their finances are comingled since, oh yeah, I almost forgot, they are still married.
Kazakhstan: a dictatorship. I mean, guys named Nursultan Nazarbayev don't just get elected. Clinton was involved with some shady miner's bid to work on some sort of natural resources project I don't really remember.
Ukraine: this photo of Bill Clinton hanging out with Leonid Kuchma, the former Ukrainian dictator-type who likes to poison enemies, made a poisoned journalist's widow want to "throw up."
Dubai: Has a lot of money, obviously, but also not the world's best human rights record, and Hillary rejected the whole Ports sale, so why he is hanging out with them?
Peaceful Reunification of China — He gave some speech for this crew, which advocates "reunification" of China, which would be a nice idea if it didn't involve a vastly corrupt authoritarian dictatorship engulfing what has arguably become Asia's most vibrant democracy.
The Vatican? — And remember this story?

7. He is, in every tense of the word, a fucking liar.
He lies about how he had the lowest net worth of any president of the 20th century when he got elected — actually Harry Truman holds that distinction — but meanwhile, while Harry Truman went totally broke in post-presidency, only gaining solvency when he sold the family farm to a mall developer. Bill Clinton has made more money than almost anyone who ever came out of the public sector, and more of that money has come from taxpayers than any other living ex-president. Also in his book Giving, Clinton wrote that Ron Burkle's job was the "only private sector offer" he ever took since leaving office, but actually, aside from his ninety gazillion dollars in speakers fees he's made more than $3 million in consulting fees from a shady data-mining company called InfoUSA which was once sued by its shareholders for wasting nearly $1 million in company funds flying the Clintons around the world.

The Comeback Id [Vanity Fair]

• Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and all of their kids have hit the French Riviera. They're staying in a villa owned by Microsoft's Paul Allen that has breathtaking views of the Mediterranean Sea. A source says: "They love France and will now be here until after the babies are born and Angie is looking at Marseille hospitals as a potential place to give birth." [E!]
  
• These rumors about Mariah Carey marrying Nick Cannon will not die. Could they possibly be true??? [People]
  
• Gossip Girl gossip: Girl-on-girl action is on its way! [Perez Hilton]
  
• Plus! Lisa Loeb will make a cameo on Gossip Girl, playing a socialite. Hee! [LA Times]
  
• Paula Abdul spaced out or went cuckoo or something on American Idol. You can watch it here. [EW]

• Gwyneth Paltrow has broken her toes 30 times. She says: "I don't know what's wrong with me. Say there's a coffee table that's been there eight years. One day I'll just not know it's there and bash into it and break my toe." Is her macrobiotic diet giving her brittle bones or something? [Mirror]
• Gwyneth was also seen visiting a back specialist. And yet! She wears high-ass heels on the red carpet. [Daily Mail]
• Another story about Charlie Sheen and hookers, yawn. Although: His silk robe with"C. MaSheen'" embroidered over the pocket? Nice touch. [Page Six]
• Britney's brother Bryan Spears is dating actress Ivana Milicevic. You've seen her, she's been on TV and in a bunch of movies. [Page Six]
• Britney was seen walking around a spa in just her towel? Not sure why this is news. [The Sun]
• Newly sober Kirsten Dunst has been taking her All Good Things costar, Ryan Gosling, with her to 12-step meetings. But are they more than just costars? [Page Six]
• Dina Lohan: Seen "dancing, drinking and playing with her hair extensions." [Page Six]
• A judge has dismissed Ron Burkle's lawsuit against Italian businessman Raffaello Follieri, aka Anne Hathaway's boyfriend. [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "What notoriously stingy actress buys books at her neighborhood Barnes & Noble downtown, only to try to exchange the dog-eared copies days later for cash?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Mario Lopez and Karina Smirnoff have not, repeat, NOT broken up. You may now return to your regularly scheduled apathy. [People]
• My Name Is Earl star Jason Lee is expecting a baby with girlfriend Cenren Alkac. Lee has a 4-year-old son, Pilot Inspektor, with his ex. So what kind of name will this kid get? [People]
• The title of the season finale of The Office is called "Goodbye, Toby." Plus: Spinoff rumors! [E!]
• Rapper T.I.: Has a new single, is hot. [ONTD]
• Diddy is hosting a $4 million "mega-party" to celebrate getting his name on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. David Beckham is helping him. Diddy will have 10 private jets; five different custom-made Sean Jean outfits, including a tux, a smoking jacket, and a top hat and tails; $400,000 worth of booze; and goodie bags with his own damn perfume in them. [Mirror]
• A former UCLA Medical Center hospital worker has been indicted in Federal charges for the theft of medical records of celebs like Farrah Fawcett, Maria Shriver and 60 others. She accepted $4,600 from "an unnamed national media outlet" for the info. [Reuters]
• Is Amy Winehouse leaving her record label? [The Sun]
• There is video proof that Ashley Dupre agreed to be filmed for Girls Gone Wild. [Yahoo News]
• Is Ashlee Simpson returning to reality TV? [MSNBC]
• Grammy-winning singer Mya was scheduled to being performances in Chicago on Broadway, but she's broken her foot! Sucks. [Playbill]
• "We pray for Brody. Honestly, Brody was such a good friend to me. He hooked Heidi and I up, and I think that everything will work out eventually. I wish that Brody and I were still best friends, I pray every day that everything works out between us." — Spencer Pratt. [People]
• Uma Thurman's parents testified in court yesterday regarding her stalker case. Uma's mom said she believed the stalker, Jack Jordan, "was someone who would benefit from medical attention." [AP]
• Vanilla Ice is off the hook for domestic battery charges because his wife recanted her original statement. [Yahoo News]
• Simon Cowell pays no attention to smoking bans. "He lights up where he likes - and pays the fine if he has to," says a source. [The Sun]
• Edie Falco battled breast cancer in 2003 but never told any of her Sopranos costars. [Page Six]
• SO MANY blind items from Michael Musto! "What hyper-quirky stage actor (who's also known for movies and TV) does lots of coke and has sex in club bathrooms when the boyfriend's at home? What fashion-magazine editor—no, not the obvious one—still has no idea how to use the Internet? (She has to have e-mails read aloud to her and then dictates the reply.) What current anchor is said to have been lesbian lovers with that unhinged late anchor, according to ancient legend? Which female rocker best known from the '70s and '80s recently got so plowed she blew chunks all over a nightclub? Which star who went from Hollywood hotshot to joke to rebounding talent has an impressively large member to go with his award? What longtime r&b singer was spotted in Harlem, where she told a fan who accosted her: 'If you ain't the crack man, don't come near me!'? Which legendary actor's bisexual father is murmured to have died of AIDS, not of "cancer," as the family officially reported? Which scandal-ridden ex-TV personality would have gotten a gay record deal, but he wouldn't come out of the closet? Shouldn't someone say, 'Who do you think you are?' Which star who denies being gay used to give so-so head and has a penis that's even less than four and a half inches? What famous grandson is so delightfully kinky he recently lodged M&Ms up his butt, turning his hole into a veritable McFlurry of sexual delight? (Alas, they melted before they could be of any use.) About which talk-show host's supposed girlfriend was Rosie O'Donnell heard to say: 'Look at her nails! She could never be a lesbian with those nails!'?" [Village Voice]

MEGAN: Good morning!
MOE: Oh look, your icon on my Gchat screen has turned GREEN. The green of MONEY like the kind all our poors will be making once they get the GREEN COLLAR JOBS Hillary Clinton is going to create.
MEGAN: And then the world will be all ok again! Because green is, like, totes a flattering color! And you can always just snap your fingers and create an entire new economy!
MOE: You know who could create some jobs with the $20 million payout he's getting from Ron Burkle? Someone's future First Laddie!!!
Proceeds courtesy WILD OATS!!!
MEGAN: But the real question is: does that mean no more rides for Bill on "Air Fuck One"?

MOE: Okay, GOOGLE BREAK.
One of us should, you know, ACTUALLY READ this story about Ron Burkle and BIll Clinton. And the other of us should figure out what the fuck "green-collar jobs" are and how Hillary is going to motivate businesses to install all those solar panels anyway. What would you rather do?
MEGAN: Well, the "Air Fuck One" bit is in the BRAND NEW afterword to Carl Bernstein's Hillary book that is sitting on my table. But I'll Google that, if you want.
MOE: Wait, wait, WAAAAAAAIIIIIT
slow down a minute, sister.
MEGAN: Awww. I love the word "fuck"
MOE: Tell the feeble mind at the other end of your chat window what you are referencing.
There
MEGAN: So, Ron Burkle's plane, on which Bill Clinton apparently has taken a bunch of rides, is known among their group of buddies as "Air Fuck One," according to esteemed journalist Carl Bernstein
MOE: Oh! So when Bill says he's divesting from Yucaipa or whatever to "protect his wife's campaign from conflicts of interest" he
is really just protecting the campaign from conflicts of DICKNESS
MEGAN: Well, that, and from accusations that he's crawled as far up the Emiratis' collective asses as the Bushes have crawled up the Saudis'
MOE: He needed to pay off his legal bills!!! Those bitches preyed on him like a payday loan shark preys on a future green collar worker of america!

MEGAN: But green collar jobs are going to pay better! It's the wave of the future and totally not just something some political consultant made up because it sounds good!
MOE:

Severing the tie to Dubai, a U.S. ally, will remove a potentially tricky problem for Mrs. Clinton. Questions raised about the activities of sovereign wealth funds — giant pools of money controlled by foreign governments — have become a campaign issue, as the funds have made a spate of multibillion-dollar investments in such corporate giants as Citigroup Inc. and Merrill Lynch & Co. In a recent interview with The Wall Street Journal, Mrs. Clinton said such purchases are "a source of concern," partly because the foreign funds "lack transparency" and could be used by foreign governments as "instruments of foreign policy.

MEGAN: Off topic, I wonder what the carbon footprint is of a solar panel manufacturer.
And, I think the answer is a lot.
MOE: I think I've decided "green collar jobs" are basically a fictional construct.
MEGAN: I agree. But it sounds good, and that's what's important.
MOE: I mean, the term was made up in the 1970s, and yet their Wikipedia entry is still basically a stub. And yeah, you can say it didn't take off then because the Republicans were the ones with all of the ideas, but I'm still skeptical.
Here it says she got the idea from Pelosi.
MEGAN: I mean, my difficulty with it is the whole blue collar/white collar idea was basically supposed to be kind of a class distinction: those who worked in offices vs. those who worked in factories/with their hands. So, like, "green collar" means what exactly?
Plus, look at you and I. I guarantee that neither of us is wearing a collar of any sort right now. Does that make us a whole class of collarless workers?
MOE: Yeah we are the sweatpants workers
I have not much in the way of carbon footprint, I will tell you that much.
MEGAN: Mine's a little higher because I own a car, but it gets about 35 mpg average and I only buy gas for it every 3 weeks or so.
MOE: I'd like to see the per-capita carbon footprint of Las Vegas, including the fuel burned by all the tourists keeping the whole thing afloat. Oddly though, I don't remember them talking about this whole green collar revolution at the Nevada caucuses!
I guess most of the 35,000 people who are supposed to "benefit" from this legislation are not mostly in Nevada ...
MEGAN: Well, but if they benefited the buffet would have to cost more than $12.95.
Sort of like how most of the anti-illegal immigrant people probs don't spend a lot of time checking the papers of the bus boys at the Old Country Buffet but would balk at a $2.00 upcharge
MOE: Don't you wish a candidate would just get up and say, "Look, if you think things are bad now, I encourage you to mull the dinner the Chinese teenager assembling your television remote gets to return home to tonight. And by home I mean a probably-unheated bunk in a glorified homeless shelter. And by dinner I mean what you would probably consider a 'snack', you fat fucks!" Of course, all of this would be a hell of a lot more sustainable if Hillary managed to cap the salaries of the wealthiest wealthy people — did she threaten to do that last night?
MEGAN: Megan: I'm sure she did, but how is that a good plan? The issue with most wealthy-wealthy people isn't salaries, it's other income, and how do you go after that without going after lottery winners?
But, like "green collar economy" is sounds good, so, you know, whatever.

Ok, so basically Doug Band befriended Raffaello two years ago probs at some party with models, and Clinton agreed, through a fund he co-ran with supermarket billionaire/Page Six fanboy Ron Burkle, to invest up to $100 million in Raffaello's plan to redevelop Catholic Church properties that the Church would have to sell to pay their massive sex-related legal bills, which Clinton related to, being himself mired in sex-related legal bills. (It made sense that Raffaello would be the one to do this because he had reached the advanced age of 27 years old and knew the nephew of the Vatican's secretary of state, and yeah, I bet you forgot the Vatican had a "secretary of state.") To his credit, Raffallo's resume also included numerous other business successes that were completely made-up, and his father was a famous businessman in Italy because he had been convicted of fraud. Anyway, so Doug Band took a few hundred Gs from Raffaello, who in turn took a lot of money from various other big money types, for introducing Raffaello to so many big money types, who invested in them because investments related to the Clintons have always gone so well, and meanwhile Raffaello commenced snagging $40,000-a-month co-ops, accepting Clinton Global Initiative distinctions, and fucking Anne Hathaway. Oh: and buying private jets. He was so busy he forgot about the whole real estate thing! And then Ron Burkle caught on and got mad. And planted a blind item in his favorite newspaper suggesting he was cheating on Anne Hathaway? But she didn't dump him and so finally Ron Burkle sued and now Clinton comes out looking like he's totally learned that lesson about rich people who spend all their time jetskiing and dropping your name are probably shady and have no agendas other than fame and model fucking but provide good distractions to keep the media away all those damaging stories about real issues and shit.

How Bill Clinton's Aide Facilitated A Messy Deal [WSJ]

• Baby-faced baby mama Jennifer Garner will soon be shilling anti-aging products for Neutrogena. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Urban Outfitters wants to be your new bff and txt u w all the l8test info 4 nu products + sales etc. Ttyl xo! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Trashy fashion designer Anand Jon (whose top celeb clients include, um, Paris Hilton and Paula Abdul) was arrested yesterday for 13 counts of sexual misconduct, including 3 charges involving a minor. [TMZ]
  
• Escada's re-opened Beverly Hills flagship's design sets to reflect its revised design sensibility, which is "young" not in "age, but attitude." Yes! Nipple slips! [LA Times]
  
• Rumors are circulating that billionaire Ron Burkle hopes to oust Garrard creative director/jewelry designer Jade Jagger for designer Steven Webster. [Vogue UK]